Toni and Ryan - Something Hard In Me Pocket

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Have you got a low-key proposal??? Love ya xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur bestselling Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Bonjour.

We are calling Zach who is in... We're calling Zach on his mobile. Ring. That's the town name. That's the town name. It's AL, so is that Alaska, Alabama or... Arizona. It is Alabama?

I was having fun guessing. I said, Arizona. I know that it's... You're thinking of Calzone. Oh, fuck. Oh my God, hello. Zach! Zach!

Hello, everybody. Okay, what is this voice I'm hearing? Like velvety, smooth, bunny rabbit ears. Oh, look, hey Tony. Zach and I chat in the group chat, so. We're close, yeah, you wouldn't get it. Zach, I've heard from people in the Tony and Ryan podcast group chat that you have an amazing

singing voice true or false Okay, things have been alleged. I can neither confirm nor deny but they have said such That is what people with really good singing voices would say. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that's what I say Zach will you approve today's podcast? How could I not? Hello? Oh, hello. Can you hear us? Hello? Hello?

Hey, it's Zach from Mobile and I approve this podcast. A shout out to Kate Page, who is a TARP, I listen to this show always in the Facebook group, recently engaged. Oh, congratulations. Kate Page, oh soon to be Kate Book. I just don't understand the terminology. Like I knew that, like the page in the book thing, I'm not like a man of the cloth. So like, it's just a play on the word page. Yeah.

Like, oh, I thought you meant like a page boy and then the book is like a religious process thing. No, I mean like how there's pages in a book. Yeah. Like, oh, I thought you meant like a page boy. And then the book is like a religious process thing. No, no, no, no. I mean like how there's pages in a book. Gotcha. And like, soon there'll be many of them. Yeah. And they'll be in a book. Yeah. But you can, yeah. I can, do you know what's maybe more unsettling? Is that instantly you went to page boy? That feels weird. No, it was more like, you know how like the third year is paper and the fourth year is blue. But that's it. I don't fucking care about that shit. But I just thought pages and books were maybe like, oh, that's year one is you get a book.

I don't fucking know. Year one is paper. Yeah. See, this is where my head's at. Yeah. But page boy feels. Her name is Paige. Her name's Kate. Kate Paige. You need to get your story straight. I don't think you know.

Anyway, she says we were both in our trackies and it just felt right. I really, I really like that. We have both expressed the stress of a public. I've actually never seen one in the wild. Like I've never seen, not that I can remember, I'm quickly scanning my database. I don't think I've ever never seen one in the wild. Like I've never seen, not that I can remember, I'm quickly scanning my database. I don't think I've ever seen one. But like I've seen obviously online of other people.

I think if I saw it in public, I would get swept up in the moment. I'd film and I'd be like, let me airdrop this to you. I think I'd be so fucking pumped to the heels for them. Yep, but not for you. No. So Kate said, in the Facebook group, has anyone else had some low key proposals?

Do you want to share them with me from around the house? So like a little cute romantic he won, not in the hot air balloon all over the fucking, yeah. Tapa Amy Jojeane said, I walked into the kitchen and said, do you want to get married? And he goes, yeah. And then I went, oh do you want to get married? And he goes, yeah. And then I went, oh, did you want a coffee? And he goes, yeah, I'd love one.

And that was it. I actually think that's quite sweet. Something similar happened to Sophie. When she got fake married. Well, when Sophie asked her husband, are we was what happened? I was on FaceTime. Oh, I was on Fentanyl double deck of bus in London. And I was talking to my partner and I said,

wouldn't it be funny? How all good marriages begin. Wouldn't it be so funny if we got married? We had a surprise wedding at our joint 30th birthday. And he said, are you asking me to marry you? And I was And he said, are you asking me to marry you? And I was like, no, you're asking me to marry you. And then we just wrapped it up. And then it went, I got home about two months later.

Then we talked about it again. Yep. Yep. That's, that's as low key as it gets. Renee said, my husband proposed to me after a burnout comp. What's a burnout comp? Like when you do a burnout in your car. Like, you know, a bunch of boys, probably a closed down supermarket cow park.

Spin them wheels. By the way, sweetheart. I mean, if that's your like hobby together, not going to yak your yum. I think that's lovely. Is this just me redeeming all these stories? No, no. Tapa Claire. Hi Claire.

I will say that all of the comments are pretty much, and it was great. And I love like people like this is- It was perfect for me. Yeah. I don't know if this was perfect for Tapa Claire though, to be honest. Sorry Claire. My husband and I make bets where the loser has to go down on the winner. Give him a sock job.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Like, oh, my team beat your team up. I think that's quite sweet. One day he walks into the room and went down on both knees, which threw me off. And I said, oh, not now, sweetheart.

I'll cash in later. And he goes, oh, not now, sweetheart, I'll cash in later. And he goes, oh, nah, I was trying to propose. Oh. Oh. Oh. And I went, oh, fuck, sorry, yeah, I will. But also, that is iconic. Imagine someone's proposing to you

and you're just like, I'm actually, I'm so tired. Yeah. And also, I can actually, I'm so tired. And also I can't believe that, um, was a Claire, Claire's partner went through with it, surely you would lose all your confidence. If you're about to propose to someone, you're down on one knee or both. I mean, there's the first problem. Well, that's what she's like that threw me. So you're down there to propose and they go, I'm actually so tired. I don't think so.

And they would just go, okay. And pretend you're tying up your shoelace. I would just bail out. Like, so you're parachute. But now I went through with it and that's their story. And the- I like that. But imagine telling your grandma.

Oh, but everyone, because- You're telling everyone that's- When you get engaged, the only conversation you have for three months is every time you meet someone, oh, so you're going to get, how'd you do it? And you go, so grandma, we have this bet and I was about to get a suck job and you know, yeah, you're wrong. See you at the wedding though. So Jess, my... Suck. That's pretty, that's pretty funny. That's pretty, that's pretty funny. Yeah, that's pretty good.

The thought of that is pretty funny. Jess, my dad proposed to my mom at the servo after- Sorry, I didn't know what was coming there. Yeah, my dad proposed to me and- My dad proposed to my mom at the servo after fueling up the car. He asked mom if she wanted anything when he went in to pay and mom goes, no, no, thanks darling, I'll be all right. And when he came back to the car,

he threw in the ring box and a Choccy bar on our lap and she goes, I didn't want anything. And he got, and then she went, Oh, Oh, I think that's really sweet. I actually think that's really sweet. The actual like biggest form of love is a little surprise from the servo when the other person's in there. But then he also got a Choccy bar. Yeah, for her. Yeah, there's a ring and a Choccy bar.

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Did you not want a curly wellie? Yeah. Like, oh my god. I'll take it back. Imagine if he was like, I just got you a Kinder Surprise and the ring was in the little egg inside the Kinder Surprise.

Oh, I don't like rings in places that can be consumed because- But the little plastic egg. Oh, in the- yeah, but- oh, it's in the bottom of the champagne. Oh, what? No, that's so stressful. It's in the middle of the thing. No, no, no, fucking no. Have you seen those videos of people that are like proposing like on a waterfall or like on a jetty and the ring just falls straight through the thing?

Fuck heads, fuck heads, fuck heads. So stressful. I think that's really sweet though, the Serv. Oh. I think that's really sweet though, the Servo one, I think that's really cute. Jackie Johnston. Oh, Jojo. We had a pool table and I always said, if I beat you in pool, you have to propose to me.

And he goes, deal. But here's the thing says Jackie, I fucking suck at Paul. For years I was trying to beat him. And then it got to the point where he actually wanted to propose, but it became this thing that like he would like. And so he started trying to let me win, but I sucked so much. Like I just couldn't beat him.

That's really sweet. Finally he gave in and went for fuck's sake, will you marry me? Oh, I think I'm so nice. I think that's generous. I must be ovulating. Finally, this is Karen. Hi, finally. This is Karen. Hi, Karen.

This isn't a sweet one. Maybe it is. We'll see. I didn't think that about the others either. My husband, my now husband. Uh-huh. Oh, spoiler. Spoiler. My now husband walks into the room and says, hug me and put your hand in my pocket.

And I said, if somehow your dick is in there and you're trying to make me grab it, I'm not going to be impressed. And then he said, no, it's an engagement ring. I kind of ruined the moment. And she just went, Oh, yep. Also as if he didn't go like not something else hard or something. Cause like a diamond like is the hardest stone or whatever. I just love these. I mean, like on the most scale, he go, yeah, my cock and then a diamond. Do you know what?

Like you would make a joke about that. Surely not something else that can't be scratched. Do you know what I mean? Like that's make a joke about that, surely? Nah, something else that can't be scratched. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's what I would say. He's fucked that up. Hey, it's Zach from Mobile, Alabama, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan,

you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Before you do the champion tapas. Yeah. So I've just recovered. Just the line. If I find out your dicks in there, I'm going to be happy. That's yeah. I've never said that.

Yeah. Yep. Play on. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tappers over at our Patreon. Blake Brown, good on you Blake. James Lynch, love you Lynchy. Ruth E. Fuens.

God, I have too much to drink and she'd be Ruth E. Spuens. Miriam, Summer Peeps and Nancy Joy. Good on you, Nance. Thanks, Nancy. Nance G Thanks Nancy. Nance pants. Now, I think it was a few months back that the accountant had to pop around for Tony to sign some form and Tony was like, oh great, no problems.

I'll spend $10,000 on catering. Um, was it a coffee van out the front that was setting up shop? There wasn't a cup coffee van. Basically. I panic ordered some catering because I thought. And you wanted to, and you cleaned up and you wanted to put your best foot forward and you're like, Oh, this is fancy. And then Nick locked up and was just like, I just need to just sign this.

What's with the food? You got something on later. No, well, like, was it a bit of a panic? Sure. But was the food awesome? Yeah. And did he appreciate it? Totally.

What percentage do you think was still left after he'd left? I reckon like over half. And then Torbz and I ate that over like the weekend. Yeah, it was a Friday morning. You're like, oh, there's two brunches and two afternoon teas for Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, it was kind of like breakfast and brunch both days. You're like, oh, a little snack. Yeah, okay. I mean, no, you're not positive. I think it Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, it was kind of like breakfast and brunch both days. Yeah. Oh, a little snack. Yeah.

Okay. I mean, no, you're net positive. I think it's all good. Yeah, sure. Cause I do like to be organized. Yeah. I like to be planned. Oh, and everyone likes to put their best foot forward.

You got people coming around and it'll tidy up. Especially when it's someone's first time at your house and you want to like, you know, I'm really proud of where, of our house. I love it so much. It makes me really happy. And so when people come over, I'm like, please feel at home. Like I want you to feel like I've really like gotten organized for you to come over. And I think that this might be when you know, those things that are like the difference between a good friend and a best friend's like, Oh, a good friend will bail you

out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting in the cell with you talking about how crazy that was. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Um, obviously like if I come around, you're not catering. You just like fucking let yourself in and shut the fuck up. Well, kind of, but also you would be like, why did you do that? Like if I did that, I'd be like, obviously you're going to come over, we'll order KFC, we'll watch a shit movie and that's fine. It's a night's tail on again. Anytime soon. Well, I have to see if we can stream it every time you come around. And so I think we'll order KFC, we'll watch a ship movie and that's fine. Yep. It's a night's tail on again anytime soon? Well, I have to see if we can stream it every time you come around. And so I think because it was like a fancy person coming over, I was like, well, I'll be fancy.

Yeah. Someone's finished their charted accounting course. And good for him. Good for him. Good for him. And so I have been like a planner, but I'm trying to kind of be like, Oh my God, like go with the flow a little bit more. And a guy I used to work with, Jess, we worked together like when I worked at the startup app, like when we just started the podcast. And we've caught up a lot since I finished working there. We get along really, really well. And I hadn't seen him in about a year and he'd

been like traveling all last year. And he was like, Oh, I'm staying with my auntie right now, who lives right near you. She's out in the country. She's out in the country. I agree, she's right near me. And he was like, I'm staying with my auntie, like, we should catch up. And I was like, Oh, amazing. Yeah. And it was like, let's catch up like tomorrow. Oh, oh. And I was like, oh, okay. Amazing. Yeah.

And he goes, I will be finished what I'm doing tomorrow. It was like a Tuesday. He's like, I'll be finished what I'm doing tomorrow at like three o'clock. And I was like, yeah, I'm only free in the afternoon. And he goes, should we go get a coffee? And I was like, you can't get coffee anywhere at three o'clock. Everything closes down at three o'clock. Everything shut at three.

And then I was like, Oh, did you just want to come to my house? And he was like, he was like, Oh, sounds amazing. Haven't seen your house yet. Like blah, blah, which is really sweet. I was like, we're old friends, so this doesn't feel weird. And he got to my house and I realized I actually had zero to offer. Like I didn't have any juice.

I had like- So even if it's not a friend, like even if I go around, it's like, shall I put the kettle on? Yeah, like we'll have a coffee or a tea. It was really hot. So I'm like, I'm not gonna offer you a cup of tea. I was like, oh, I've got like, oh, you know, I'm like, I haven't been to the

supermarket. I didn't even have any like crackers to throw together. I didn't have any fun drinks. Whilst you like Jess and know him pretty well. Do you think you're not at best friend stage where you would just like get whatever you want, shut the fuck up. You feel like you needed to politely offer him something. And it wasn't until he got there that I was like, fuck,

I probably should have organized. It all hits you at once. See, laissez faire Tony, see, it's backfiring. It doesn't go well. And then because I was like- Go back to being anxious and stressed. If you were coming over and then I realized I didn't have anything, I'd be like,

well, let's just order something. Or I'd call you and be like, on your way over, can you grab some milk? Cause I don't have almond milk or whatever. Yeah, cool. Whatever. All good. Yeah. Anyway. And so he walks in and I start to panic and I'm like, oh my God, I don't have anything.

It's really hot outside. And I go, oh, I've got some, oh, what have I got? I got a little bit of cold water. I put some ice in that because like, when they got a tiny bit, I'm sorry. I just filled up my Frank Green. Like, you know what I mean? Like I've got no fucking cold water. We don't have a plumbed fridge. Like everything's fucking going wrong. And I go, Oh, what'd you like? Are you caught?

It was low on enzymes. Do I look malnourished? Do I look low on enzymes? Do I look malnourished? It was, oh, it's a hot out there. You must need a yucult. You must need a fucking fermented yoghurt spicy drink. Because when I'm hot. And about 20 mils of it. When I'm hot, I'll tell you what I mean.

There's so little. There's so little. There's little non-vibrating butt plugs is what a You Cools is. And he goes, oh. No? Yeah. What?

He said yes. That's weirder than you asking. Because I was like, are you just being polite? You don't need to take this You Cool. I was like, but I'm so sorry. This is all I. And what, then you sat there and had a conversation and the whole time you're both sitting going sipping on a fucking yukkul.

No, but you've had it and then you've just got that like tangy half milky fermented fucking weird taste in your mouth. Well, it was fine for one of us because I only had one yukkul. Did you split it? And I gave it to him. Oh, we'll go half this. I'll get, I'll get two cups. Two straws. And so he had the yukkul and I was just sitting there.

And then, um, anyway, I was like, sorry, that's really weird. He goes, no, you know what? I've been traveling. I need to fix up my gut health. He's just like such a nice guy. He's the sweetest person on earth. How long after you said the word you're cool? Did you go, that's fucking strange?

Immediately. I go, do you want to you? Oh, like, and then, right. So we had a great chat and it was all good. And then. Fucking hell. That's rock bottom. He came over again yesterday for the six up. And I go, and so he texts me and he's like, Oh yeah, I'll come around. Like, well, you know, we can fucking chat.

We'll watch TV or fuck. I bring this thing over, whatever. Come around for a bit of a yacht. And I'm not even joking. I text him and was like, yeah, all good. Like, ha ha, I'll crack open your court. No, texts, humor doesn't work in text. And he goes, I'd love that.

I'm going to have the best gut health. See you soon. As if you would ever go back to someone's house. I'm surprised you're still in your life. They've offered one you cool, but they've doubled down and offered another you cool. Tony Lodge. Yeah. So I mean, it's so upsetting. It is.

I just, and also why do you have you called in the first place? Everything okay at home, mate? I like you cool. Okay. Sounds like it. Yeah. I mean, I get about 5 million Instagram DMs a day being like, you know, you've got psoriasis because you've got a leaking gut. Well, fine.

Probably you're caught in smear. Well, then I'll have you caught. Guess what? Doesn't fucking work. Fuck you. But how's that gut though? Yeah. Oh, you know, not leaky apparently.

It's a different problem. Okay, great. Um, so yeah, I like you caught me, but you imagine how rude you'd feel though. Someone was like, Johnny, you call and you went no, cause that's weird as fuck. That's such a weird thing to offer someone. If you offered a, you're cool. What would you say? I'd be like, Oh, I've got my water bottle.

That's okay. Like, is your Frank green full of your cult? No, but like, I've I've leaked out of your cult. I've got some water here. All good. Like I don't think I would accept you calling from a stranger. Would you go back to the house? On a hot day?

It was so hot. Okay. It was really hot. What would, here's three things to choose from. You have to choose one of them. Okay. I love it. I love a quiz. Your fingernails grow for eternity.

Yep. Every time you or your partner comes, they have to say, whoop dee doo, here comes my goo. Yeah. Or you have to run a mile on a 40 degree day and at the end of it, all you can drink is Yakult. To quench your thirst. I think I would have to pick the jug. And the yukults.

Yeah. Oh, well you would have to versus the, the goo. I'd be going everywhere before I'd be fucking yukult and after a hot run. Oh, you can't, yukult would be yukult. So after the run you have to go, whoop de doo, here's the goo, and you drink the e-colt. I've got a love to see here, which I think you might love. Amazing. I think we heard about marriage proposals earlier and just like, what a beautiful time.

Yep. Have a look at this old guy. Where do you reckon he's at in terms of like life happiness? I've just texted it to you. Oh no. Does he not have a U-cult? Have a U-cult. He maybe needs some U-cult actually. Yeah, he looks happy. What's his shirt say?

It says, I love to finger paint and it has been finger painted. So I'm guessing like a grand kid has made that at play group or something like that. I just sent you the full picture. Now, if you have access to a time machine, you need to tell me, this is clearly a picture of Torb's and I in the future. And how dare you bring things back? You're not, that's the number one rule of time travel. You're not supposed to bring anything back.

Don't fuck with the past. That is so fucking funny. This old man is wearing a shirt that says, I love to finger paint. And the woman is wearing a shirt that says, I'm pain. It does make you look happy. She does. Are they like late eighties, do you reckon?

Yeah. Still getting it? Still getting it. Doesn't that just put a smile on your face? And people it just shows that like fingering knows no bounds. That's so beautiful. Honestly, I've always said that. You have actually.

Fingering is bringing people together no matter where you're at in life. Yep. Yep. And I've got to love to see it. Potential fingering, bibidibib. Yuri Solomon, who's in Norway, messaged this in Patreon and said, Hey, Tony and Ryan, I'm so fucking excited to say,

I'm 30 years old and just got my driver's license. So sick, Yuri. Waited a really long time to do it. Like couldn't afford it through going to college and uni and stuff. Yuri then went and did like service for his country, went, you know, COVID time. So it just like never really worked out.

Finally got it. He said, I know it's small news for you, but I fucking love to see it. And I said, Yuri, where is the first place you're gonna drive to? Thinking, obviously you're doing the Maccas drive through. No, Yuri's off to get some of your cults from the local store. Yuri said the first place he's going to drive is he's going to take his boyfriend

and they're going to drive to see the Aurora Borealis. OK, yeah, a bit different from the fucking Mickey D's or are you cool? Do they sell McFlurries there? Yeah, what food have they got at the Aurora Borealis? Isn't that so iconic? Imagine you got to the- Oh, just our first drive. The Abora Archaeolus and you get there and you go, can I get a McFlurry?

And they go, the machine's broken. And you just go, fuck dude. And you go on top of the Aurora Dorealis? And they go, the machine's broken. And you just go, fuck dude. And you go on top of the Carora Dorialis and then this happens, the kidney dialysis. Nah, Yuri, I love to see it. Isn't that so sweet? That's huge. Thanks for sharing that Yuri.

Tomorrow is normal or nah, there is a thread. Normal or nah. There is a thread in the Facebook group or you can submit your stories, tonyandryan.com.au. and we'll see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. So have a good night and enjoy your cults. Have a good night and enjoy your, your cool and sock job. Love you, bye. Can you sing, if your dick is in your pocket and make me grab it, I won't be impressed. If your dick is in your pocket and you make me grab it, I won't be impressed. If your dick is in your pocket and you make me grab it, I won't be impressed. See you tomorrow.

Love you. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Audible. You can listen to the new Audible original podcast, The Unusual Suspects with Kenya Barris and Malcolm Gladwell. Now, when I hear the words Malcolm Gladwell, I'm just like, sign me up. Oh, really?

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Oh my God, you just forget about all the stuff people do, don't you? Well, you can learn all about it and never forget again, pop your headphones on, go to audible.ca slash unusual suspects podcast and listen right now. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff.

And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply, details at fizz.ca.