Toni and Ryan - Something In Your Eye

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

We've finally realised what can ruin any experience - and it's HAVING SOMETHING IN YA EYE!!!! Love ya!!! Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, Dr. Best-Selling, Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Hello, happy podcast. And we are calling Tassie, Launceston, Tasmania, and it's Emily. Emily from Tassie. I'd love to get down to Tassie. It's beautiful. It's one of the most beautiful places in the world. Hello, Emily speaking. Hello, Emily speaking. It's Tony and Ryan speaking.

Hi, how are you? We're good. How are you? I'm really good, thank you. Now, I'm really jealous because I reckon you live in the greatest place in the world, Tasmania. It's pretty good, not going to lie. I did used to live in London, though, so it's a pretty different world. Bit of a change.

But Emily, will you approve this podcast? I absolutely will approve the podcast. Legend. Thank you. Hi, this is lots of feedback about our 50-hour livestream that may be happening if we get enough Patreons. Bring it on, I say.

The feedback, not the actual marathon livestream. Yeah, okay. I definitely, I can save this if you want, say the feedback not the actual marathon yeah live stream yeah um i definitely um who i can save this if you want but i'm getting a bit anxious about it i can tell yeah yeah yeah because you know what i didn't realize that 50 hours is actually quite a long time didn't you yeah and i googled it and i said can you die from lack of sleep? How long is 50 hours? He goes, yeah, it's between 49 and 51. I was like, if you watch Toy Story 3 25 times. No, I was like, can you die from lack of sleep?

And you can, but it's not actually the sleep. It's like your lack of cognitive function. Oh, that old chestnut. Yeah, which I think is fine because I'm not going to be operating heavy machinery or driving a car or anything. So like. Yeah, but if your cognitive function conks out, then what? First time talking.

Mate, just you wait until hour 12. You won't be able to understand a word I'm saying. I'm actually really. Anyway. We'll get to that soon. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But first, normal or nah? So normal or nah, we take the topics people put in our Facebook group

and then we decide whether it's normal or nah. Yep. Thank you for bringing us up to speed. John Galloway asked that we explain it the other day on a Facebook post. Well, I have to know if I can work for John Galloway. I thought that I'd let John Galloway know exactly what we're doing. I love you, John. I love John too.

Where's John from? Can we meet John? I think he's in Europe or England or something somewhere, John. I love John too. Where's John from? Can we meet John? I think he's in Europe or England or something somewhere, maybe. That's a huge generalisation. I don't know where John lives. Sitting in the front seat of an Uber. Brittany says, I don't know if it's a generational thing, but I've just been on holiday with my dad and he keeps jumping

in the front seat and I feel so bad for the driver. If I was the Uber driver, I'd be genuinely upset. Sitting in the front seat of an Uber, normal or nah? No. I didn't know that this wasn't a thing, but pre-COVID, I always jumped in the front seat. Really?

Always, yeah. Every time. But pre-COVID, there was no separation. It's not like that you had to, but just like, don't you want to give him some space? Don't you want some space? Well, I just, because as you know, I'm an Uber chatter. Oh, I know.

Like I always talk to the drivers. Sorry. Oh, yeah. No, you go. Your name's second, No you go Your name's second But you go You know how You're off Ubers

Because they keep cancelling Oh No The words got around She's a chatter Don't pick that bitch up She's a mouth Tony Mouth Lodge

Is probably what they call you In the Ubers They call me that in high school But Different reason I reckon they go Fuck Flodge is probably what they call you in the- They call me that in high school, but different ways. I reckon they go- Fuck. So when they cancel on you, it says, oh, it'll be there in seven minutes,

and then suddenly it's gone? Yeah, it'll- So it goes, you're picking up Tony. And they go, oh. And they look at the photo and they go, oh, fucking, she's a chatter. Or maybe they've heard the podcast. They go, nah. I've had enough of that.

Nah, not interested. Episode a day is enough for me enough for me yeah yeah i'll subscribe and that's enough who do you think's got a higher uber rating out of the two of us and i think whoever's got the highest proves they're a nicer person all right i'll check mine now who do you reckon will though um probably you because you don't use it as much as me. But it's average. Yeah, but. But you know what I mean? Like more chance for things to go awry for me. What's yours? What's going awry?

Oh, fuck. Mine's good. Is it? What's yours? You go first. No, you go first. We'll work out at the same time. Well, then no one will hear anything.

Just say it. 4.84. Same as mine. Oh, my God. We get Ubers together a lot. Yeah, but the rating doesn't split. Yeah, that's true. How funny. Yeah, 4.84.

Producer Cam, can you Google if that's like a good score or if we're being fucked? No, 4.84. That's good, isn't it? That means you're getting way more fives than fours, let alone below. What? The average rating for Uber riders is 4.89 out of five. What?

Below average. I use Uber all the time. What am I doing wrong? Do you want me to list them? Hang on. If our Uber rating's the same. That's what I mean. I don't like it.

If it's the same, then neither of us are really doing anything wrong, but maybe we're not doing anything right. Maybe every time I get into an Uber, I should give them a little gift. Here's a chocolate. Enjoy this. Tim Tam. Okay. Let's try that for a few weeks to see how the rating goes.

Maybe I'll do that and see how that goes. Hey, mate. How you having a good day? Here's a Tim Tam. Love your work. You know how when you came around- Rate me well, sweet. The other morning and I was like in my underwear with Mabel

and the house is a fucking mess. Yeah. And you were like, oh, it's actually a compliment that you didn't feel the need to like overdo it because like we're close enough friends that I don't have to like whatever. I believe we used the F word. Family. Family. Oh, I used the F word. Family. Family.

Oh, I was like F word. Friend. What? Okay. So maybe with these guys, it's like you've cleaned the house. You've put the bed. Like maybe you just, you know. I just think that that's like nice and polite and like I'm never going to meet them again

probably. So like. No, definitely not. Because once they've blocked you. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, the people at the Maccas drive-th once they've blocked you there. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, the people at the Maccas drive-thru in Richmond,

I meet them all the time. So... Paula asks, normal or nah? Getting irrationally upset with someone ends a text with a full stop, especially when their reply is only a word or two. For instance, lol, full stop. Or I'm good, comma, thanks, full stop. There's no need for it.

Paula says in capital letters, and I quote, drop the stop, mate. It feels like I'm being e-punched in the face. Full stops are for monsters. Leave them for your formal written people and keep them out of text with friends. Yeah, I'm going to say normal. Normal would be fucked off by that.

I don't know that fucked off, but I'm always like, oh, that's a choice. Okay. It feels like I'm a big exclamation mark person, which is really not going to do my case any good for the past segment that we just did. I'm an exclamation marker, like fucking through and through. So I find a full stop to be like a choice, you know?

Like a, that's enough, thanks. Thanks. Yeah. Like when someone likes your message on Facebook or Instagram, I do that though. Cause I'm like, I've had enough. Thanks. Double tap.

Bye. Oh, so that's your way of like wrapping it up. Yep. Oh, now you've outed yourself to me every time you like like a thing i'll be like oh okay she's had enough so i actually feel like just a ha ha in lowercase is not enough now if it's genuinely funny and i do appreciate that if i do a good text to you it'll be a full it's a it's a capital ha ha ha and it just keeps going and i'm like oh fucking got her there but if it's just a lowercase ha-ha, you're like, oh, I guess I'll fucking.

Yeah, I think that if you do a ha-ha-ha-ha, that's good. Like, yeah, you know, that's fine. But, like, yeah, I do lol in, like, a sarcastic way. Like, oh, yeah, that'd be great lol. Like, oh, don't want that to happen, you know. Because if I sent a text that I thought was funny and you went, oh, that'd be great lol, I read it as, that'd be great, lol. Like, oh, don't want that to happen. You know? Because if I sent a text that I thought was funny and you went, oh, that'd be great, lol, I read it as, that'd be great. I thought you were about to go, that'd be great, lol.

No, but you know how sometimes you use lol in like, it's like, I think you can read the message. We know each other well enough that you would read it the right way. Were we talking the other day how someone's grandma thought lol meant lots of love? I have seen this online before, yeah. And it's like, Auntie Mary's died lol and stuff, you know. And they're like, what? Yeah.

Grandma, are you laughing? Yeah, I thought you liked Auntie Mary. She goes, yeah, I'm so sad lol. Fucking old people. I am. I am. Lol. and she goes, yeah, I'm so sad, lol. Fucking old people. Ah, yeah? Lol. That was pretty funny. You get a lol out of me for that.

Miriam asked, normal or nah? Being obsessed with knowing where people are at all times. I have live locations for my husband, sisters, and about five friends. And just knowing where they are at random times makes me happy. I promise I'm not a stalker. I've just always been a logistics person, and I want to know where people are. It allows me to make convenient decisions. I swear I'm normal.

Someone please validate me. I'm going to say nah. Nah, that's a nah from me. To me, that's a bit like, you know how the classic conversation of like, if you could have any superpower, what would you have? And people say, oh, reading minds. Absolutely not. I don't want to know what people, it's actually none of my business.

What am I thinking right now? What people think in their brain is none of my business. i need a mel gibson movie what women want oh we don't want that yeah we don't i'm telling you the sequel is what we don't want and it's the first movie played in reverse but like i just think what people do, like... Yeah, no, I agree. I just... Another thing to check. Can you imagine if, you know, you've checked your Instagram, your TikTok, your Facebook, your LinkedIn, your fucking MySpace,

your Foursquare, your Periscope, then you go, oh, now I've got to check my live locations. Yeah. The only one that I think would be handy, and this is a stretch because I don't really think that it would be now that I'm thinking of the logistics of it. Like maybe your partner or housemate or something because if you were like, oh, are they on their way home?

But like it's just as easy for me to text Torbs and go, are you on your way home? You're half now. Okay. Yeah, like or he goes, yeah, I'm jumping on the tram at fucking or and I'm like, cool, he's 20 minutes away. I don't know if this is overstating it, but I feel the thought of someone tracking me makes me feel like

claustrophobic almost. Yeah. Like I'm, like I'd always. You feel like you were justifying yourself all the time. Yeah, and when I leave here and I go, I'm a bit tired, maybe I'll get KFC on the way home. It's like, well, are you going to watch me do that and judge me? But also, I just seen it on the way home. It's like, well, are you going to watch me do that and judge me? But also, I just...

I feel like... Yeah, is it that you don't trust me or is it like, I do kind of understand it from like a safety perspective if you were really worried about someone, but you're not worried about your whole family all the time. So you know how I'm like... Like what would be the use of me being like my sister in Darwin? Like, oh, cool, she's at the Darwin Woolworths.

Oh, great, now she's at home. Oh, she's at the Darwin Woolworths again. Not a lot to do in Darwin. But, you know, like what would the benefit of that be? Like I just don't get that at all. So I like my alone time and my quiet time being the closet introvert that I am. And I feel like if someone's tracking you that doesn't count as alone time I don't because alone time is me like going for a walk with BJ or going

for a drive or just being nowhere you know for half an hour but just the thought of being tracked I'll be like oh it's like you're over my shoulder it gives me the heebie-jeebies it's kind of like mental load to think about that happening I've shared my live location with Torbs before if I've like gone for a run or if I'm like in an Uber late at night or something, you know how you can share that. Like I would do that and, you know, if you share your live location, it lasts for like 60 minutes and it turns off. Yeah, there's a time and a place for it.

But I wouldn't do it all the time. Yeah, that's gross. He can call me if he needs to know where I am. Miriam said, can someone validate me? No, babe. No. Sorry. What Women Want version two.

Backwards of the first one. And that was me doing What Women Want three to be able to fucking talk. Sasha. Hi, Sasha. Does she? Is she all right? Bless you. That was very funny.

I don't know if I'm coughing or laughing because I fucking 100% get this and I hope Sasha and I aren't alone. Fuck, right. Sasha says, is it normal or nah to lose all function of being a human when something's in your eye? It might just be a little bit of dust and just needs a slight little wipe, but as soon as something's near my eye, I might as well have had 25 beers and be in the middle of an earthquake

because I just, nothing's going right. Normal. Yeah. A hundred percent normal. Yeah. I was riding my scooter the other day and a little bit of something flew into my eye and I literally just like, I hit the brakes. I was like, well, I can't be operating a machine right now.

They closed the road. Luckily, Jobs was tracking me from home and he could see what was going on. But I'm with you as well, Sash. The slightest bit of dust, I'm fucking useless. You panic. You absolutely panic. Yeah, absolutely. I might as well be in a war zone

and a bomb has gone off because of the chaos and violence and confusion yeah and people are like what's wrong

I'm so sorry don't fucking talk to me don't fucking ask me a question I'm so fucking high I agree

it's actually normal hi it's Emily from Launceston Tasmania and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

Thank you so much for being part of it. Lots of people signing up this week. Woohoo! Ali Holland, right? Well, you can't be Ali Holland wrong because you've signed up for Patreon. She's rarely Ali Holland wrong because she's got a few normal or nars and I see her name popping up and she's always dropping gold. Oh, really? All right.

We'll have to add some of Ali's to the list next week. Jessica Phillips, thank you so much. Mary Ashton, Stacey Walsh and Hannah Daly. Absolutely love to see it. Thanks, Hans. Thanks, Hannah Daly. And speaking see it, thanks Hans Thanks Hannah Daly And speaking of the Patreon We made a big announcement on Monday

We may be doing a 50 hour live stream We said if we got 3,000 Patreons by the end of June We'll do 50 hours That's one minute per Patreon Now if we get over the 3,000 minimum We're on, tick the box, it's happening But the more Patreons, we're on. Tick the box. It's happening. But the more Patreons, the more minutes, the longer we'll go.

Patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan to sign up and all the details in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. And just to clear up one tiny thing. So if you do the lowest tier, that contributes to the 3,000 minutes. Yep. But you can only watch it from exclusive and champion levels. Yep. Yep. Yep. Plenty of feedback, plenty of questions.

Oh, actually, this was the first question. Only exclusive and champion tapas can watch and participate. Can you upgrade and be part of the 50 hours and then downgrade again afterwards? Absolutely, yes. Can you pay for one month to add a minute, watch the live stream, and then fuck off afterwards? Yep. And the announcement is within one month of it happening.

So you only have to pay for a month and you can go all good. Oh, here it is. Ali Holland-Wright. Oh, Ali. Hello. I knew I'd heard that name. So it's like it used to be that if you joined, you paid when you joined and then you got billed like on the first

of every month. It's not like that anymore. Yeah. So because people might be like, oh, fuck, so I've got to pay twice. You don't. Once. Once. Only once.

Once. We did this on purpose. Alexandra got to pay twice. You don't. Once. Only once. Once. We did this on purpose. Alexandra Holland-Wright. Hey, Ali. Tony loses interest in movies over 80 minutes. She does. Will she remain interested in her own stream for the final 48 hours and 40 minutes? The thing with that, Ali, though, is that I'm not watching it.

I'm performing. It's live performance art. Oh, we've got a performer. Yeah. So I do understand what you're saying and I do lose interest, but I think because I can do lots of activities, and I'll be doing lots of fucking activities because we're not sleeping. Did you just say that C word?

No. Or did you say can't? Because I said fucking, oh, well, we can't sleep. Oh, okay. I would never say that on this podcast. Um, the, yeah. So I'll be able to like do lots of activities. Um, am I, am I able to like have, sorry, like brainstorm because I like doing craft.

Could I have some craft that maybe I could keep myself busy with, like want to do something with my hands? Um, well, I'll answer your question with a question. Yeah, question. Are you good at multitasking? Because I feel like you might get deep into the craft and forget that there's people watching. No, because I've done Craftnoon live streams on Patreon before.

And I just like, because then I can just keep my hand busy because do you know what I did think? We can't be like on our phones the whole time. Obviously not. Like, no, but I'm saying that's what you would normally. My phone battery won't last the 50 hours. Oh, yeah. I actually can.

Can you please write down very long phone calls? Yeah, thank you. I did put that on the list to buy charges. That is a good call. Good call. Thanks, Ali. That is a good genuine thing. But, yeah, I do have a short attention span.

Yeah. Megan Mulrhyne. What are you guys going to do for 50 hours? Are we going to watch you sleep? We aren't. We aren't sleeping. No sleeping. Sleep is weak.

Sleep is weak. So we have devised a bit of a plan. Are we talking about the plan? Oh, just like a bunch of activities? No. Well, the plan is just activities and stuff. Well, yeah. But we will.

I wasn't expecting craft. Craft is a good one. I think craft. Well, do you know what would be good Is if like an ongoing thing Was that like we had like a big puzzle We were working on or something I'm not patient enough

No well you don't have to do it But it would fuck me off Why? You don't like birds? I don't like puzzles I don't like them The hate look of them The thought of them makes my skin crawl

No but like imagine if we just had a puzzle on the go You don't have them. I hate the look of them. The thought of them makes my skin crawl. No, but, like, imagine if we just had a puzzle on the go. You don't have to do it. No. Can you chill out? I actually can't. Puzzles give me the heebie-jeebies. That's weird. Either, like, finish it or, nah.

There's just an unfinished puzzle just sitting there. But that's what I'm saying is, like, we could go back because we were there for three days. We could keep going back to it. I just think that would be a nice relaxing thing because you don't need any brain power and we won't have any. No, I do agree with that part. I don't know about that. Well, what could we do? I thought that maybe if we just had something on the go,

that would be nice. I like that idea because if an unfinished puzzle just feels like a task, like a to-do list that's not being ticked, I don't know why. Mate, I've seen your to-do list and it rarely gets ticked. And then you've got to add a puzzle to it? Finish puzzle. Natasha, this podcast will literally be the death of Tony Lodge. Hopefully the live stream will not be a funeral as well.

Oh, that's really nice. That is really nice. Should I pick some songs in case it is? Like I said before, I did Google it and you can't die from lack of, like the human, but I've actually took a screenshot of it and I sent it to my friend Rachel because she was like, are you going to be okay? And I was like, no. Rachel Sarah, my artist friend.

Oh, Sarah. What happens after 48 hours of not sleeping? After going without sleep for 48 hours, so we're doing 50s, it's about that. Yep. A person's, fuck, we're rounding up two hours that's not smart but you know what i mean a person's cognitive performance will worsen and they will become very fatigued uh the brain will start entering brief periods of complete unconsciousness known as micro sleep you know how you hear about people on the freeway doing that um when i don't see a dragon when i did this this with Jace and PJ, they did 56 hours.

And Jace hallucinated that his dad was there. They were like, you guys have flown my dad in. And we were like, no, should we have done that? Good idea. No, we haven't. And he goes, that's my dad. Oh, dad, it's so good to see you, mate. I'm just going to, we'll go to a song and I'll come out and say hi.

And it was like this security guard who was like like not him like didn't they didn't look alike his dad yeah and anyway so it was just like a whole thing so you might hallucinate but at that point those points we need to really be on each other's team. Yeah. We can't be fighting. No, absolutely not. So it does bring me a little bit to the point, though, that producer Cam will be sleeping through the time so that he's still on it and also because he might have to host a couple of podcasts on the back of us.

Yeah, when we're sleeping for the week after. Because we might. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think I'll die because, yeah. Christy says, Tony, babe, I know you're a morning gal, but how can you possibly stay awake for 50 hours? Ryan has a baby, Pippa needs morning snuggles, and Cam gives me the impression that he's a guy that needs some quiet time. I fear 50-hour stream may break you guys.

I agree with the quiet. I think all three of us are like that. Mostly, importantly, you literally just mentioned that you like your quiet time. I also need to reduce. Like, as an introverted extrovert, which I've only just realized that's what I am. She's seen a meme. I saw an internet meme. It was like from a psychology Instagram, and I messaged it to Cam and Ryan. I went,

this is me, guys. No one replied, which I thought was interesting. Anyway. Were we talking on air or off air about people listening to a podcast and thinking they're an expert? I was off air. I was off air? Okay, let's bring it on air. Well, that's exactly that. But it's like, Tony's seen a meme

and has diagnosed her entire life. No, but I just think, because I mean, being an introvert or an extrovert, it's like tony's seen a meme and like has diagnosed her entire life no but i just think because i mean like being an introvert or an extrovert it's neither here nor there really but reading that list i was like oh that feels like it makes sense for me anyway we both need our quiet time um which is where the tokens are going to come in um so if we win a challenge we'll get like a little token that's like worth 15 minutes of alone time or a nap or to take time off the final clock. Yeah. Jennifer asked, did we clear this through Bridget and Torbs?

They know about it. Yeah, I think that Torbs will be willing to come down, bring Pippa down. We'll have a snuggle. And, you know, I feel like that'll give me a bit of energy, seeing my little babe. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Should BJ, yeah, are dogs in? I won't have Pippa there the whole time. No, but like she'll visit? I think so. Yeah. Can Brun come down? Yeah, but Bridget is literally like looking, like holding down the fort.

Is it really, oh, can you drive the dog in? Like is that? Oh, but like she'll come and visit as well. Yeah. Do you want a little maple syrup to give you a little cuddle? Oh, no, I'm not saying that, but I'm like. Do you hate my child? You're asking your wife to, like, bring, like, get everyone in the car.

Yeah. Like, I just think that you maybe aren't thinking logistically about, like, obviously I'd love to see them. Yep. But I'm just, like, maybe don't get your hopes up about that because it is three days. It's not that long. Will we stay the night before? Because my fear is that –

I would rather sleep in my – so we're starting at 9 o'clock on the Friday, I think. Oh, I was thinking more midday. Oh, I want to get started so that we can get started. I agree, but on the other hand, do we want to be sleeping and come in fresh? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, see, I'm going to sleep in my own bed the night before. Yeah, that's a good call. I'm going to sleep in my bed the last night as well.

Like I can't. Yeah, I think. I'm not staying in another place. Yeah, I think for me, I'm like, well, the night before I'll probably be up all night with the baby and then I'll come in fucked before we even start. You should stay there. Yeah. Yeah, we will both stay there for work reasons.

Some kind of job. You know what I'm saying? Tony. Sorry. We're literally in a – Yeah. Sorry. Now, the other day after we'd announced this, I said,

Tony, what's the latest you've ever stayed up? And you said, oh, I've only ever really stayed up really late once and I fucking hated it. I hate being awake. I love being asleep. I hate being tired. I hate it. I get so grumpy and you know that as well.

I get so grumpy when I haven't slept. I mean, we all do. But did you think about mentioning this at some stage? You already know that. You know that I get grumpy when I'm tired. No, but when I said, yeah, but everyone gets grumpy when they're tired. But when I said, what's the latest you've stayed up? And you go, oh, I don't like staying up.

I hate being up late. Yeah, I do. I don't like night time. But I'm scared of the dark. It's not for me. When I was in Darwin visiting my sister, because we hadn't seen each other for so long, we stayed up until like 4 or 5 a.m. And then she's got two kids.

And her husband tapped out very early. He was like, guys, I can't do this. He went to bed and her two kids were obviously already in bed. And they woke up at like 7 or 8 a.mm and so i'd only been asleep for like three hours and i had to wake up and i was like fucking then that night i was on the red eye so i had to stay up late again and that was not good no oh my god that's like what it's gonna be like yeah but like two or three in a row and then you said you stayed up uh on the beers with a couple of friends one night and you said, I fucking hate it because when I'm awake, I'm always talking.

I can't shut up and I've been talking too much. My face hurts. My throat gets sore because I like to talk and to laugh with my friends. And obviously we're going to be talking the whole time that we're on this live stream. So I'm going to definitely lose my voice a hundred percent well then what do we do like i'm saying after like you know when you get to the end well i mean might do jason pj would often lose their voices i can't imagine how after 27 hours those guys were doing with their voices. Those guys who broke the world record.

Yeah. Being a big one. But the croaky voice, I reckon that'll definitely come into play for both of us. You remember how croaky our voice was after Hot Funk Garbage? Yeah. Like, just because you're projecting. It's like that you're talking loudly. Well, we have little headsets on so we don't have to hold a microphone right i think we're going to clip the microphones like our shirt

great so we'll have something that is not like oh hello yeah i thought the holding was fine but then i was like i'll hold it no fucking way yeah no fucking way no and also it's just like then how are you gonna eat because you're like oh oh let me me just put that piece of lasagna in the thing. Sorry for bringing up the lasagnas. Don't mention the lasagnas. So the opposite of- How's that all sounding for everyone? That's sounding-

It's a podcast. So I'm going to be tired. I'm not going to have a voice and I'm going to be grumpy. Yeah, if you'd like to watch. Lots of people have signed up this week, but we're not at 3,000 yet. We actually, yeah. I'm confident we'll get there. I don't know if I am.

Well, don't oversell it in this episode, will you? No, I really, I want to do it for the personal challenge aspect. The other thing is that I keep calling it a marathon, like a marathon show. And I told all of my friends, like, oh, we're doing a marathon. And they went, oh, well, obviously not running. And I was like, well like well no it's not but fuck you and they're like

yeah well Tony you can talk for longer than you can run and I said that is fair most people I'd say that's the case yeah exactly how long can you run for I don't think I've ever tried no when we ran two kilometres with a trial for Patreon way back at the start, you surprised me. And I'm a lot fitter now than I was then.

But no, you were good though. Oh, okay. I can run further than I can swim, I reckon, at the moment. Also, every person. Because swimming is so harsh. Yeah. You know, you jump in that pool and you think, I'm going to make this pool my bitch.

And then you do half a life. You're like, taking water on like the Titanic. Who's the bitch now? Half a life. Yeah. The water punches you in the face. Anyway. What do you love to see?

I'm so excited about the show. And I don't know why I'm really excited because I don't think I should be. We've just spent 15 minutes talking about how terrified you are. No, I want people to sign up because I think the personal challenge side of things, I want to beat it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I want to do it.

Is it something that you'll look back on and go, yeah, we fucking kicked the shit out of that 50 hours? I think so. Yeah, I agree. Fuck yeah. I agree. I saw someone post about this, and I don't know if this is actually worth more of a discussion

than just do you love to say it, but I'm going to float it here. Our friends at Grey Lines posted this on their Instagram story. And apparently there's an app called You're Cancelled. And when you've made plans that you kind of wish you could cancel, you like add it into your app, both people download it. And if you say, I don't mind if we cancel, and they say, I don't mind if we cancel, it says you've cancelled, don't worry about it.

But if one person says they've cancelled and the other person doesn't say anything, the other person doesn't know. Should we do this? Well, I don't end up finding, I don't find out that you've cancelled and I haven't. Yeah. Should we start using this? Well, do you think that this is like a good idea? Because yeah, the fact that they don't know. Because if you

float the cancel and they go, oh, but I thought we were really excited. But then don't you think that you'd be anxious, be like oh, well I didn't press it, but did they press it? That's the whole point. You'll never know. Well, okay. But it's like, oh. This is the difference between Tony and Ryan. For me, I'm like, how great. You'll never know. And Tony would spend the whole time

going, but did they? No, but you're like, oh, you'll never know. And I'm like, oh, I'll never know. And Tony would spend the whole time going, but did they? No, but you're like, oh, you'll never know. And I'm like, oh, I'll never know. Yeah, exactly. But I can't decide. I don't know if this needs more discussion or not. We could probably have a fucking full conversation about this. Yeah, put that down. But should we, before we talk about it next, trial it for a week or so?

And see how it makes us feel independently. Yeah. Yeah, okay. If the 50 hours doesn't kill us, this app will end us. Yeah. So our calendar this week is like, do a big recording of personalised videos and I get a notification from Ryan,

we've both cancelled. We're not doing it. 50-hour live stream. Oh, if you're a bit tired and don't want to. Oh, let me go. I don't mind. My Love to See It is the best episode of Border Security ever. Oh, God, they're good.

So I mentioned... I love Border Security. Yeah, and we're on the record. Yeah. So most episodes, as previously discussed, oh, that fruit and seafood got confiscated, $240 fine. And someone goes, oh, no, you can bring that in. And they go, you can't. And they go, okay.

Yeah, sure, good call, you got me. And then remember that time I came in real hot about Coke Shoes Karen? Oh, yes. And I was like, finally, a big sting. Yeah. So she gets three years and it was like street value of $200,000. And then it comes up at the end. It's like, da-na-na-na-na-na.

And then it says like, Coke Shoes Karen. Got three years. And she got three years because she had Coke hidden in all sorts of places. In the heels of her shoes. It's gone up another notch once again. No, that's RBT. So this wasn't a person. Come on, Cam, get your fucking shit show going.

Fucking hell. Someone's not watching enough Seven, mate. Plug your antenna in and get to work, you little bitch. Sorry. Sorry. Does that last me really? No, Cam, love you. Sorry.

So the other day it wasn't a person per se, but it was like the freight in the mail room. Oh. Have you seen the episode where the woman tries to sneak the cat into Australia and she's got like this bag? Oh, my God. It's insane. She's got this like, she's got this bag. Oh, my God, it's insane. She's got this cat carrier, right?

And the cat carrier is literally called, like, carry your cat trademark. Like, it's, like, not low-key at all. And the guy's like. I've been thinking it says not a cat. Yeah. Not fragile. Throw this around.

You know what I mean? And anyway, and the guy's like, cool, can we look in your bag? She's like, there's nothing in there. She's like this in your bag? She's like, there's nothing in there. She's like this young Australian girl. She's like, there's nothing in there. And he's like, yeah, we need to put it through the x-ray. And she's like, nah. Nah, because the cat will get hurt.

Yeah. And so she's like, nah, don't worry about it. But she's managed to get the cat like over. This far? Yeah, this far. And it's literally like the security before the arrival part. You know when you're at the international airport and you walk out and everyone's family's here they've got the flowers and everyone's like oh yeah so the cat is in the cat carrier and she's just like nah it's okay and they're like we're

the police like yeah like you can't like that's fine yeah oh i've checked it and it's actually all good like they're doing her a favor yeah no, she's doing them a favour because she's like, I've actually, don't even worry about it. And then they go, how did you get it all the way through here? Like the cat was on the plane and stuff. Like it is just the craziest episode. They're coming down the aisle, the flood. Do you want some little milk in your drink?

Yeah. And literally the cat carrier is like, I'm a fucking cat. I'm a fucking cat. It's just gotten all the way through the airport. Anyway, what's your story? This will be very. The dog with the drug. This will be very meta if you're watching this on YouTube right now.

Do you reckon we can do a mega mix of all the times we've talked about border security and just make a mashup and put it on YouTube? Are we allowed to do that? We'll just start talking about it. I'll just text Grant Bowler and ask him. He used to be on The Mole. Oh, The Mole. Grant Mola.

Have you watched The New Mole on Netflix? I loved it. Really? I love shit TV, though. Ryan loves Hundred Dollar Island or whatever that's called. No, I don't love it. What's that called? What's the promo? Million Dollar Dancer. What's it called don't love it. What's that called? What's the promo?

Million Dollar Dancer. What's it called? Can I tell you a secret? What's it called? Million Dollar Island. Million Dollar Listing. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah.

It's not Million Dollar Listing. I love Million Dollar Listing. I've never seen that. Have you watched Selling Sunset? No, I'm buying Beverly Hills. Buying Beverly Hills. Sorry, I forgot. You are the one on the other.

Yeah, you are. Yeah. I love Selling Sunset because I love Chris Schell. And you know how Chris Schell and G Flip now are married. And it's just my favourite thing ever. I'm an ally. Yep. So it wasn't a dog.

It was... So the dog had the drugs. No dog. Oh. It was just the freight. The one where the drugs are in the pram? Yes. Yes!

Yes! So... Have you seen the one where the heroine's in the Hilary Duff karaoke machine? It's a Lizzie McGuire karaoke machine. And there's heroin in all the bits of the karaoke machine. It is next fucking level. Watching Lizzie McGuire again. Yeah.

Well, you can't. That got cancelled after that. Hang on. Actually, Cam, can you please Google how many episodes of Border Security have been made? And is it 50 hours worth? Because I want to change the whole live stream. Can we just watch Border Security for 50 hours?

Okay, so there isn't an unfinished puzzle, but Border Security is on loop the whole time. And if you need a little break, you go down and you watch Grant Bowler for a bit. As of December 2019, 231 episodes. That's over 100 hours.

And no ads, remember, as well, because we won't be watching it live. So it brings it down to about 50 hours. 50 minutes probably. Can I tell you the fucking story? Oh, yeah. Sorry. The pram though. I? Oh, yeah. Sorry. The pram, though. I've seen this one, yeah.

So they find the drugs hidden in the pram. And it's like street value is like millions. Yeah. And it's like tucked in there into all the little pipes on the pram and stuff. It's insane. So what they do, they take all the drugs out and they replace it with like what looks like a flower. Yeah. Or a salt or something that looks like drugs. Not that we know, but we can imagine, yeah.

What do you do with it? Well, I don't know. I've never seen drugs, so I'm not familiar. But I can imagine that looks the same. I'm sorry. I'm sweating. You know how the other day you were like, oh, the person defending. I do remember that.

Does this make you sound less sus? I don't know what you're talking about! What are drugs? I've never said a word that starts with D-M-I. That's not true. Never said it. Oh my god. Producer Cam, how long was this episode going on?

Don't answer that question because we're going to edit most of it out. Oh, my God. I'm crying. So they trapped them with the fake drugs. So they still sent it to the place. Yes. And then I said to Bridget, they better take the cameras to finish the fuck. I don't want to hear.

I don't want to put it on the screen. Oh, and they later caught them. Yeah. So they did. Show me the sting. They took the sting to Wagga Wagga of all places. And then this guy, you know, oh, here's your fucking package. Oh, my prams.

Oh, thank God. My baby. My baby needs this pram. And then the dog comes in. Yeah, the drug dogs. And the other, the DEA. and they come and they fucking bust him. 40 years prison. 40 years prison.

You'll love to see that. The Australian frontline workers, they're really doing their job, aren't they? They're fucking great. Look at you trying to sweeten them up before they arrest you. No! I'm going to say drugs! All right, if you've listened to all of this, you deserve a medal. Yeah, actually.

And that was a 50-hour livestream. This is just a small taste of what you'll get. Fucking hell. Yeah. Love ya. Fucking love ya. And you as well, mate, because I can't believe that we both knew that episode of Border Security.

We had the same Uber rating. You might remember that. That was about 60 minutes ago that we both knew that episode of Border Security. We had the same Uber rating. You might remember that. That was about 60 minutes ago that we got there. We are back tomorrow. It's a video show. I don't know if I can do tomorrow. Oh, I need to talk about something that fucks me off. Is it trying to finish the story about Border Security?

I think me trying to get that story out took longer than an episode of Border Security Alright we'll see you tomorrow Love you bye And then the dog comes