Toni and Ryan - Sophie Got Dumped

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Normal or nah, and a SUPREME dumping story. Love ya! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Sorry, I'm smiling because we're about to call Melody, who works in a musical instrument store. Oh, that's amazing. And there's nothing more amazing than that, including my ability to pronounce those things. You know, Pippa was called Melody when we got her. That's right. Yeah. She's not a Melody at all. She's not a Melody.

But I reckon this Melody is going to be a Melody. Melody. Hello? Melody! Yes? Melody! Hello, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Oh my goodness. Hi guys. How are you? Oh, sorry. Are we interrupting your day, mate?

Sorry to interrupt for the thing that you booked into. No, my goodness. Not at all. I'm just at work, but? Sorry to interrupt for the thing that you booked into. No, my goodness. Not at all. I'm just at work, but I will make time for you guys. How are you? How are things at the huge musical instrument store, Melody? It is really, really nice. It's pretty quiet right now for a music store.

I was actually just strumming on a guitar, not going to lie. But it's been pretty quiet for the day. Now, how many people per day make some sort of comment about your name and occupation? Oh, at least once a day. At least once a day. Well, it's two now. Well, three actually because we just made the same joke. But you guys count for way more. You guys count for way more than all the customers, so that works totally fine. How are you guys doing? We're great, Melody. We're really good now.

Even better for speaking to you. I'm all revved up now. I'm all revved up. Melody, will you approve today's episode? I absolutely will, 100%. Yay! Hi, it's Melody from Toronto, and I approve this podcast. All right, before we get started today, two points of order. I think you can already hear the first one. The first one is I sound like a hot girl who's partied too hard. You do. You

sound like you've gone and like taking your top off at a festival. Last night I like a hot girl who's partied too hard. You do. You sound like you've gone, woo! Yeah. And like taken your top off at a festival. Last night I was a woo girl. Yeah. Me and Mabel hit the town and we turned it on. A few milks. Yeah.

A few avocado slices, you know, things babies eat. I don't know. She had pawpaw yesterday and we just pawpawed ourself away around town. Oh. Yeah, living the dream. Pawpaw. ourselves away around town. Yeah, living the dream. Pawpaw? Oh, my God, that kid's eating well. Yeah, so that's the first point of order.

Second point of order, we're getting her used to pawpaw because I think we're going to go to Bali at the end of the year. So I'm like, babes, you've got to get used to the exotic fruits, babe. Oh, yeah, we're going to be eating pineapple till we – pineapple. Yeah, so pineapple, pawpaw, and then we'll get to a Mai Tai by the time we get there. Oh, yeah. Because she'll be old by then. Oh, yeah.

In December. She had a bit of a most right at her birthday, I think. I wouldn't say that on the pod. And then the second point of order is that Tony's a bit flapped because – Ryan just put on an old jacket and he goes, what's that in the pocket? And then he goes, my driver's license. I would never have found this.

I would never in a million years have found my driver's license if I didn't just put this jacket on. So there you go. And why has that made you so upset? How can you not know where your driver's license is? The only reason that I had that is because we had to go to the bank the other day. Yeah, but where was it before then?

You know what I mean? Like where's the holding place? Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat and been like where's my birth certificate mate i was adopted i don't have one of those oh do you actually not oh like not the original they had to change it that's so fucking sad so do i have yeah every day actually oh where's my mom yeah my birth mom yeah um your real mom's in e or something, I think. Oh, I think she's back. Is she back now?

Yeah, she's back. She's always somewhere. She was in Egypt and then she was like in Iran and Jordan and I was like, have you read the newspaper in the last few years? She posted all these beautiful photos of her in the sea, in her little bikini, her little tankini, I think she was wearing. It was very good. She was swimming every day.

On Facebook, I saw it. She was getting Tony Lodge vibes. She was. She was hashtag wet for life. Yeah. So my driver's license, we know where it is. We know where I'm up to audibly today, so we just press on. Yeah.

Quick game's a good game, yeah. Actually, no, I have another point of order. The reason I don't know where my driver's license and shit is usually is because you got me onto Pay ID and Apple Pay. Yeah, and so now you never know where your wallet is. So what the fuck is a wallet for? Apparently, they are trialing in Ballarat a digital ID for Victoria because I've had it in New South Wales forever.

But the thing about the digital ID is that it's actually not always valid. What's the point then? It needs to be always valid or never valid. I agree. I actually, I'm all or nothing as you know, and I think it needs to, because otherwise sometimes you're like, oh no, you've got to have the physical one. I'm like, well, I haven't seen that in three years. I haven't seen it in fucking ages.

If it lasts for 10 years, why would I have it on me? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm with you. Yeah. All right. I wouldn't mind getting a Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm with you. Yeah. All right, let's do it. I wouldn't mind getting a new photo though.

Mine's pretty fucking crook. On my license. I don't even have my license with me, I don't think. Well, you should have it on you all the time. Yeah, it's in your jacket. Here we go. Oh, jeez, I've had a rough one then. I look like how I sound now.

All right, let's do normal or nah. Thank you to everyone who submitted these at the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. Woo-hoo. And also online there's a little submission form, TonyandRyan.com.au. I think, I don't know if this is Tony or Jen and Gia or not, but I respect it. Nick Frampton.

Hi, Nick. Anytime you get a new book or any time of printed document, you take a quick look around over your shoulder, make sure the coast is clear, open it up. I'm not going to do a big sniff because it'll sound rank. And sniff that sweet, sweet new stationery paper smell. A hundred percent normal. Yeah.

And when you get paper off the printer and you like press it to your cheek really gently because it's like a little bit warm. You know, like have you ever done that? I haven't. Especially in a cold office. You need a little bit of warmth in the face. Yeah. I haven't done this, but I get it and I respect it.

It's like when you get clothes out of the dryer and you like as you pull them out, you kind of like hug them to your body because they smell so good and they're so nice and warm. Did a load of towels yesterday. And, um, when you pull the towel. You've been to the toilet. Had to wash all the towels. Every day we've got to do them. If I could have walked right into that, I didn't know.

Did you hear the pause in my voice? Cause I was like, you're not very well. So I was going to not. I did walk into that all out. All out. Okay, thank you. But when the towels come out of the dryer, don't you wish you instead of getting the towels out,

you could put yourself in? Yeah. Because it just feels so soft and warm and inviting. Yeah, and or you could put like all the warm towels in the bottom of the bath and you could just like curl up like a kitty cat. Yeah. We've just moved Pippa's, one of Pippa's beds in front of the fire.

I mean, what's the current bed cap? Including the two in the office, thanks. Yeah, so she's got two in the office. She's got one in my car permanently, the one in front of the fire, one in my office, one in Torbz's office, and one in our bed. That's seven. She just likes to be a cozy girl wherever she is um and we just put one in front of the fire and she has not moved in like three

weeks those other six can fucking take a hold they can come to bali with me um because she um like our fire is like a gas like yeah illusion log fake log one so does she know it's not real well i don't think it matters because it's fucking hot either way, but you know what will matter? My fucking gas bill I think is going to be through the fucking roof because it hasn't been offered. Political chat, aren't they trying to phase gas out? I think so.

In new builds you can't have that gas. You're going to have to chat to fucking Pippa about that, guys, because good luck with that one. If you think that Albo would win in an argument between him and Pippa. You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. Tell it, walking sweetheart. Benny has a normal on R.

Hey, Benny. Does anyone else flush the toilet with their foot? Benny says. I mastered the art of the handless freestyle peeing in order to keep my hands clean. So then I thought touching the toilet with my hand would defeat the purpose of the hands-free piss. So I tap it with my shoe.

I mean, not normal for me. I've never done that. So nah. My roommate asked why I didn't wash my hands after peeing and I explained it to him and he thought I was the crazy one. That's an awkward situation. There is a crazy one in that chat. It's not your roommate.

Yeah. You know the like if you don't have a crazy friend like you're the crazy friend. Yeah. There's no crazies on the bus today. Oh, it's me. That's why. Oh, no, my friends don't have a secret group chat.

They do. They definitely do and you're not in it. Question. Many. For the vagina have in the room. Wouldn't the penis being hands free, wouldn't it then you just like piss down your body? No.

Like because isn't it kind of like hanging down? It kind of pokes forward I guess a little bit. Yeah, I wouldn't say it's like a straight 90 degree down. It's probably, you know. Yeah. But you can get pretty close to the bowl. But like then on the drips as you like yeah all valid questions yeah is there just like piss drips on the floor because that is fucking disgusting it is fucking disgusting no you can shake it and by and when

you do a hands-free shake means literally shaking it like this shake shake, shake. Oh, that sounds so bad. That sounds like what you were singing last night. No, there's, yeah, the dripping is. And then also the contortionist that is able to get their foot from the floor up to the top of the toilet cistern and then press it down. I reckon we could do that. I think you could, but like every time, just wash your hands after. Yeah, what's this beef with washing hands? I guess all the time you would save not washing your hands

sounds like it would take longer to and then do the leg thing. Okay. First of all, Tony had both arms out like shaking their dick at me and it was hilarious. So I just want to make a note of that for everyone. But I don't think time-saving. I read this read this and thought oh he's like trying to be cleaner but if you've been into the toilet room anyway yeah it's all the fucking surely you would just want to wash your hands after if you want it to be that clean just clean your hands anyway well yeah like so i haven't

cleaned my hands in five years no need really really. Yeah. For cleanliness reasons. Yeah. Oh, so yeah. Yeah. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The foot on the toilet though is crazy. But then everyone else is touching the toilet and getting your grimy feet.

And your foot. Yeah. Or your shoe or whatever. Benny fucking lifts. So it makes it actually way worse for every other person. This is a tarpa named Benny. His name's on this. Sorry, Benny, but nah.

Fucking nah. A normal or nah from Laura Police. Hi, Laura. Laura Police. Law, like L-A-W. That is funny. Yeah. That is funny.

Also, Laura Police. My mouth felt like it was about to say like Lollapalooza. Oh. You know, like the things all lined up. Laura's husband eats pizza by scraping all the toppings off, then eating the pizza base plain with a knife and fork, and then eating the toppings after. Normal or nah, ask Laura Police.

Fucking call the fucking Laura Police. That's a nah. Absolutely. I just don't, like, the cool thing about pizza is all the different textures, isn't it? Like it's like, oh, they're like either soggy or crunchy base depending on like how it's been cooked. The crunch of the base with the softness of the meat and then the.

And the saltiness of the cheese or. The sweetness of the pineapple. Go fuck yourselves if you don't agree. And the sauce as well, like the tomato-y sauce on the base, like mixing in with everything. Like I just don't know why you wouldn't want to enjoy it all together. Were we talking about pizzas last week or recently? Like probably.

Someone in one of the threads in Facebook mentioned, and I think I commented, they're two of my favorite words put together. Their local pizza place does a hollandaise swirl. It was ash solly, wasn't it? Of course it was from an ash because all ashes are correcting all things in life. Yeah. But a hollandaise swirl.

That does sound really good. Do you reckon they use the hollandaise from dome? I bet you they do. I bet you they use the holl dome? I bet you they do. I bet you they use the hollandaise from a tub. They're not making fresh hollandaise out of that. Sometimes you need it from, as we know. Yeah, it's better from a tub.

Yeah, I agree. I'm getting dominoes after this. I deserve it. Oh, fuck. I actually fucking am. Yeah, that actually What time do they have nights? If you have to ask if it's too early for dominoes, it's too early. It's too early, yeah. And you know that when you call them and it goes doo-doo-doo. Sorry, we don't open until 10 a.m.

and I go, fuck, this is where I'm at right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're standing out the side of the Domino's, I'm waiting for it to open. Yeah, that's when you know you're like. You're trying to get your fix. Yeah. Just need that sweet pepperoni, Dom.

You've got $6 in coins in your hand. It's cheap Tuesday. Before Tuesday, before 5pm, $6 anything the fuck you want from Domino's. Maddie Owen as a normal enough. Hi, Maddie. Maddie says, I feel so dumb walking through all the snaking queues at the airport when there's no other people. Yeah.

Or like sometimes at a nightclub they now like have the lines. Yeah. But when there's no one at the bar and you still have to like walk through the thing. Same at the taxi rank. Oh, yeah. And they just watch you. Don't they?

It's such a power move. And you're snaking around like a little lamb and they're like. Maddie writes. Ten taxis go past. They don't call any of them because you're not at the front of the line. There's no one at the line. Yeah. People who work there must find it so hilarious watching grown adults

obeying some stupid strings and doing their silly little obstacle course. Yeah, like a string is my boss. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. A string tells me what to do. How much power do you have in your life? I'm dominated by a string I listen to the string

Sounds like a cult The string cult Did the string say it's okay? Oh string Hi it's Melody from Toronto, Ontario, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You can check it out at any time.

There's lots of exclusive content over there. Ambrosia Firehoof. Great fucking name. Great fucking name. She doesn't walk through no strings. No. Oh, no. Straight to the front dog.

Straight through. All the little bollards tip over as she walks through. Sarah Evans. Good on you, Sarah. Rhonda. Love you, Rhonda. Jessica DeVito. Danny De devito jessica devito surely they're related um and anastasia rose another great name beautiful that's a heap of

great names today ronda sarah everyone great names go message your parents and say good fucking job yeah say thanks and if you can't message your parents sorry oh we can say that yeah yeah yeah i'd love to tell my birth mom that john has a h in it yeah wouldn't you yeah i would love to as well yeah that's why when you were trying to find her i was like i've got to tell her something which is like all right ryan sorry i haven't been here for 36 years you've got one question and i go yeah were you short on H's that day, sweetheart? Yeah. Like did the fucking, the typewriter not have an H on it?

Yeah, will they charge them per letter at the registry? Charge them per letter? I can only afford three. And do you have my birth certificate because I can't find it? Yeah. And do I have an original birth certificate? Most of our stories come through the Facebook group. So if you want to submit yours, go to Facebook and search for Tony and Ryan Podcast Group.

And that's where the episode threads are. So whenever we say, go and tell us on the episode thread, every episode there's a post that says, this is what we talked about today and people like to fight in a nice way and give their thoughts and opinions and it's a good time. Especially on a Thursday because people get head up over the normal. I reckon people are going to be in there today getting all into Benny about the foot on Benny.

I feel bad for Benny, to be honest. Benny needs a string to stand behind. Now, next week we're going to do another round of Mild Revenge. Oh, great. Which is a great segment, which is like, oh, I broke up with my partner. We shared a Netflix account, so I changed the password. Oh, sucked in. You can't use it anymore.

Or I watched heaps of Barbie movies on someone's account so that they'd only get Barbie movies recommended to them. That's mild. And so Sophie works for us. She goes, oh, I've got a mild revenge password story of my own. Sophie doesn't strike me as a revenge type. Well, it's mild revenge and it was just like a password thing. And I said, well, that's great, Soph, but just because you work for TARP

doesn't mean you are higher standing in the TARP pecking order. So submit it like everyone else does. She submitted it anonymously. Well, the thing is that she goes, well, maybe I will. And then like I felt because our desks are next to each other, Soph, you know, so I felt her hit enter and then it pops up and I'm like, I wonder who that was. Yeah.

So I felt her hit enter and then it pops up and I'm like, I wonder who that was. Yeah. Now. Okay. So and a little bit of background that after Sophie goes to hit enter and Ryan goes, oh, I wonder who that's from. Everybody's laughing at us. Ryan, our producer Sophie, our producer James, everybody's laughing in the office. Yeah. Ryan, our producer Sophie, our producer James, everybody's laughing.

And I'm sitting there like the little left out girl. Behind a piece of string, not allowed to the party. Yeah, I wasn't allowed to sit with the cool kids so that I would hear it like for the first time on the pod, which is fine because that's like how we do things here. But it doesn't feel like sometimes I'm just like, oh. And then so I was was like can we please do this today as soon as possible because i was trying to call in sick and tony's like you get

your shit voice into work and you tell me what the fuck happened to sophie i was like mate if you're not on a drip you're coming in because i need to find out what's going on tony feels excluded and you know what i i get it because the of business. There's nothing worse than feeling left out. Now, mild revenge is supposed to be next week, but Tony couldn't fucking wait, so here we fucking go. Now, whilst, yes, Sophie did have some mild password revenge, she'd really buried the lead of this story. There's only three little sentences,

and I think we're going to go through each of them one by one to dissect. So I've actually printed each bit on a piece of paper. Great. So we can't get ahead of ourselves. Okay, so I'm hearing it piece by piece. No, you're going to read it. No, no, no. Sorry.

You haven't seen this. You're going to read it. But it's piece by piece, not the whole thing. You read that. Okay. I've got three pieces of paper here, so I've split it into three and we'll dissect as we go. Read it out please read it out loud please when i was 13 i had a boyfriend and he broke up with me by calling the home phone, which is hilarious,

and saying, you're dumped, slut. And then hanging up. Sludge. So first of all. Your mum didn't answer. Oh, no, is that what's coming? Yeah, who answered the phone? I did forget one piece of the story.

There's only three bits. I know. Part one, addendum. My sister, my older sister, who's like five years older than me, answered the phone. Heard it was like a young boy's voice. So I picked up in the other room. She stayed on the phone.

Oh my God. Is that not a retro problem? Retro problem. So she heard it. So there's a witness. Your dump slut. Is huge. Is that why you think that you've got issues now, Sophie?

That's how you were broken up with as a young girl. Fuck. Boys, just the fucking dumbest fuckheads ever. Also, you're dumped, slut. Not I'm dumping you or I don't want to be together. You are dumped. You are dumped. Yeah.

Slut. How do you want it? Slut. Slut. So whilst there is some mild password word revenge on its way i think we just need to stop here for just a moment this is so this is his mild revenge do you think now sophie this was what i don't want to out you and your age but like it was obviously a while ago when you were 13 yeah are you Are you okay, mate? Yeah. How have you recovered? I think I'd actually, like, it only came back to me recently.

In therapy? Because of the mild revenge stories. I was like, oh, something's ringing a bell. So, yeah, I think I repressed it for quite some time. Yeah, good call. But it was the end of primary school. Like, we were little babies. Oh, and so what?

You were going to different high schools. It was going to be too hard. Correct. Yeah. Definitely. What's he doing now? That's what I want to different high schools, it's going to be too hard. Correct. Yeah. Definitely. What's he doing now? That's what I want to know. Yeah, where's he?

Hard to stalk online. Hard to stalk. Have tried. He might be listening to this, Sophie, anything you want to say to him? I think he had like heaps of kids in his early 20s, which good for him, but I'm glad we went together because I was pretty irresponsible in his early 20s, which good for him, but I'm glad we went together because I was pretty irresponsible in my early 20s. Yeah, you're like, I did not want heaps of kids then.

And that's kind of all I could find out about him. Okay. Yeah. Probably fine. I wonder how he broke up with his future girlfriends. Like I wonder if he was like, that worked really well. Maybe I would like dump him so it's not broken. Or if one of his seven kids were like, so what did you say to mum when she left?

Yeah. He said, you're also dumps. He said it to six different baby mums. He said it to heaps of different people. Still on the home phone calls too. Yeah, still on the home phone. Yeah, absolutely. Calling the home phone is just the fucking worst.

We're doing retro problems tomorrow and I reckon the home phone's going to get another workout. Yeah, it's humbling, wasn't it? Kids won't know. Oh, it's Catherine there. Kids won't know the dangers. Now you can just like text a girl you like. You have to use to speak to her dad.

Yeah. Yeah. And hope that her mum was really nice when she got picked up from school. Like, you know, like. Hi, Mr. Sporton. Can I speak to Maddie? And he goes. Who's Maddie Sporton? And why are we just hearing about her now? She's my good friend and I think we were probably like boyfriend, like, hi, Mr. Sporton, can I speak to Maddie? And he goes. Who's Maddie Sporton?

And why are we just hearing about her now? She's my good friend and I think we were probably like boyfriend, girlfriend when we were 11. Did you call her and say, you're a dump slut? No. Ryan dumped someone on Facebook Messenger. Don't bring that up. She poked him and he didn't poke her back.

No, I actually. And he said, you're a dump slut. Bye-bye text. Because it was in the 21st century. I actually did break up with her during Facebook Messenger and I fucking regret it and I feel embarrassed. He moved to a different city. I think I've been dumped on MSN before.

Oh, that's – yeah, that did happen a lot. And the dumping that happened on MSN was that they took your name out of their name, their screen name. It's no longer Ryan Loves Tony, it's just Ryan. Yeah, like instead of like ryan loves skateboarding and then it would be like tony with a love heart next to it and the love heart would be gone you'd go fuck something's going on something's going on something's a miss yeah that was the that was the move of my day are you ready for part two of this three acts

story we've just heard that when so he was 13 she had a boyfriend. He broke up with her by calling the home phone and saying, you're a dumped slut and hung up. My mild revenge was changing his password to his email account. Nice. His security question was his dog's name, so I knew it. God, high-tech shit. That's why we have two-factor authentication now. I then changed his password to

I love Sophie. Well, he was not going to guess that. He was not going to guess that. Of all the things I've tried, I would never try that. Oh. That's good. That's a long con,

isn't it? Well, there's an issue with the mild revenge, which will come to light. Do you want to take a guess what the issue is? You sort of half stumbled upon it. I don't know. Just to make it clear, read part three. Okay, here's part three.

I later realized he would never know this, yeah, and would have to reset it to something else. Got that. Yeah. She just got dumped, Slut. Yeah. So, you know what I mean? That Slut just got dumped.

I later realized he would never know this and would have to reset it to something else. But it was pretty satisfying knowing for a day or so his password was I love Sophie, even if he didn't know. password was I love Sophie, even if he didn't know. I mean, yeah, like obviously like of all the things that he might have gone like, fuck, I need to try it. But I mean, what a dumbass. His password was just his dog's name.

Maybe he is listening now and this whole time and now he's like, oh. No, he's about to go to commbank.com.au and change his bank account from i love so like he's got to change his password finally he's like oh it's still my dog's name yeah it's still my dog's name and sophie could access this um fuck that is it's so mild arguably he actually deserved more for saying you're a dumped slut and then hanging up. How did you – did you have a cry? Was he a hottie with a – like were you like, oh, he's such a cool boy?

Oh, he was. I think the fact that he said – Yeah, he was like a soccer player, like a hot soccer player. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I think the fact that he said I love Sophie proved like there was a bit of like – Bitterness there.

No, but like because you genuinely liked him obviously. Yeah. But you love each other straight away then, don't you? Yeah. Like you start going out and you love each other. Yeah. Not like it's a big deal like when you're older and you say I love you for the first time.

Like when I said it to Torbs and he said I'm not ready to say it yet. Did he throw up? Wasn't he drunk or something? No, no, no, no. That's when he said it back. No, we were sober and I said the thing and then he said well i'm not ready to say it yet but didn't he say when he was drunk for the first time he said it he was having yeah it was new year's yeah and that gets and we were and we were wasted it was like i just

fucking love you so i love you and then the next day i had such anxiety that he'd only said he loved me because he was drunk. So I went and bought him chips from KFC, nuggets from Macca's and a Subway from Subway because I was like, I really want to like find out. I love you, Tony Lodge. Yeah. I love you. I need you to say that you love me again while you're sober. I went to every because I was like that's his favourite bits from each.

Well, I ended up being like, look, I feel a bit awkward because obviously you said it last night, we were wasted. And he was like, oh, yeah, like I did mean it. And then, so it was all good. Did you get chicken salt? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't get big mac sauce for the nuggets.

And then he finishes the chips and he looks at you and goes, you're dumped. But thanks for the chips, bitch. Slut. You're going to love to see it there, Tony Lodge. I do. And I think this is going to bring you back from your illness, mate. Please.

Cure my illness. No pressure. So do you remember cocaine shoes, Karen? Sorry. I just wasn't expecting you to go, Shoes Karen? Sorry. I just wasn't expecting you to go, this will bring you back. Coke. Cocaine. Do you remember Cocaine?

Yeah, it fixes the cold, mate. Do you remember Coke Shoes Karen? I do because Border Security is obviously one of the great shows. And Coke Shoes Karen, for those of you who don't remember, the wedge of the heel was hollowed out and filled with cocaine. And that was her way and filled with cocaine. Filled with cocaine. And that was her way of smuggling cocaine. But she wasn't good enough to beat our border force

because they're keeping the border safe and she got caught. Coke Shoes Karen, fucking three years in the slammer. I'm really glad that you remember this. Mate, how could anyone forget it? But I'm also glad that you remember how good a job that our border force did. I've got an anonymous. You'll have to see it here.

Hi, Tony and Ryan. Not too sure if you'll see this, but I'm a brand new tarper and I've got an anonymous. You'll have to see it here. Hi, Tony and Ryan. Not too sure if you'll see this, but I'm a brand new tarpon. I've started listening from the beginning. Just arrived in the country. I finally got to the episode where you talk about border security. The episode is called Wanking at Work. That one. I think you're going to want to shut the fuck up and not be a dick because.

No, I just, can I say one thing? If they're starting from the start and they've just got up to border security, they don't know that there's a lot of border security chat on the way. There is no one episode. They've got up to the month where border security is heavy. I finally got up to the episode where you talk about cocaine shoes, Karen. Yeah. And I just thought I'd let you know that I am the Australian border force officer

that searched cocaine shoes, Karen. Oh my God. That's celebrity. Yes. That's exactly how I replied. Exactly how I replied. That's incredible. I absolutely fucking.

Do they live in a gold palace? Are they a national treasure? They should be a national treasure. I absolutely fucking lost my mind when I was listening to the episode on my way to work at five in the morning. I love my job so much, but having it mentioned by you guys has made my career. Well, strap yourself in, mate. It's a big month for you on the force

coming up. Yeah. I hope you still enjoy border security as much as I love stopping the bad guys and listening to you both. In that order. Isn't that amazing? That is amazing. Yeah. So when you're like, oh, well, the black... Nah, listen. How good is that? That is such good news.

So I've kept them anonymous because obviously with their work, they can't be. But how cool would that be that you're just like a random day at work and they saved the country and then we were talking about it. That is real coincidence chat. That is coincidence chat. That is huge. Shout out to the Australian Border Patrol force team

because they are excellent human beings. They are excellent. And that show is fantastic. It is fantastic. Grant Bollock, give him an Emmy. Yeah. I thought his best work was The Mole. I know I was wrong.

And how could it get better than that? That's what I thought at the time. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know Abby Coleman was on the first season of The Mole? Really? Yeah, she was in the top three. I love that show. Oh. Have you watched the first season of The Mole? Really? Yeah, she was in the top three. I love that show. Oh.

Have you watched the Netflix version of The Mole? No, is it good? It's like really good. Oh, great. I love that. Because it's only like six episodes or whatever. It didn't get renewed, but it's good. That is good.

Anyway, you love to say that. Do you remember when we came home from Indonesia? We were in Jakarta. Yeah. Should I say this? I don't know. And so we're coming through customs and they go, oh, you guys have been in jakarta yeah should i say this i don't know and so we're coming through customs and they go oh you guys have been in jakarta you'll have to go and like because there was a it was a foot

and mouth and then we walked up and the the chick who does the searches just goes i love the podcast guys just walk straight through we actually shouldn't say that probably i mean we didn't do anything wrong no we didn't do fucking anything wrong, except bringing foot and mouth into the country. Well, no, obviously it's all good. All good, and that's why I sound so healthy. Yeah. And we were also, I would just like to add,

we were only in the city. So it was like we hadn't been out to a farm and stuff. The city of the jungle. But we hadn't been out to, you know. Out back to Sumatra. We hadn't been out to the, anyway. I'm going to love to see it. Have you got a love set?

It's also a bit tarp-ception. Oh. Alex has experienced tarp-ception. And this is a beautiful tale. This is one of the great stories from Tarp Alex. You know when you're listening to a podcast and you're driving somewhere and depending on your settings with Siri, it will be like the podcast will kind of like go low for a second

while Siri goes next left in 500 and then kind of go back to the podcast. Oh, with your Google Maps or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So apparently. It's called ducking. Is that right? So on last Friday's episode, Alex is listening and Siri says continue straight for three kilometers and then the podcast kicks back in.

And apparently i said to you if you're driving pull over because tony has something in her eye like i said that line and um this is where alex gets tarp septed because he's just like listening to the instructions so he just pulls over oh hey alex i think that that Alex's life is ruled by a string. Yeah. I don't think it even registered that it had a different voice. I just followed the directions and pulled over and put the hazard lights on. Oh.

A split second. Like it only took him a second to go, oh, hang on. Hang on. What am I doing? And I realized what I had done and I was pissing myself laughing just sitting there on the side of this random road in the middle of nowhere. That is amazing. Ryan, we are the string.

We are the string that tells society where they can and cannot go. We're the mighty string. Yeah. I had an absolute fit. I was laughing so much and I just needed to sit there for a minute just like calm down. I was about to say luckily I was pulled over. Yeah, and just like get my composure back and kind of like go,

Alex, stop being a fuckhead. Pay attention. This is where the story gets bad. Oh, no. A car then approaches from the opposite direction. The driver slowed down, then stopped, reversed back and pulls right in front of me. I'm watching this. And they're in the middle of nowhere.

I'm watching this Hilux get closer. There's an animal skull on his bull bar a hunting spotlights on the roof and a gun rack in the back of the cab and i see that the driver has a very fetching ivan malat inspired mustache and i suddenly realized just how secluded and in the middle of nowhere i really am no phone reception i thought i was gonna die is that the end of the story? the guy the phone was found

with blood on it the guy gets out of the car and walks up to me and he was the nicest guy ever they're always nice in the beginning aren't they?

he knew we were in the middle of nowhere and he stopped to check if I was okay because if I had of like ran out of gas, he goes like, there's no reception around here in the middle. Are you alright, buddy? You're not stranded, are you? And I explained to him what happened. He pisses himself for me and then was on his merry way. He goes, who's bloody Tony

and Ryan? Yeah. And he started listening as well. Yeah, it was the most terrifying slash hilarious 90 seconds of my life. That's the thing. It would have all happened so fast. Which is ironically what my wife said to me last night. Anyway, Alex, thank you so much for sharing that story. And I'm glad that you're alive.

That's amazing. I'm very glad that you're safe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yowza. Tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yowza. Tomorrow.

It's a video show. It's a video show so you can watch and just see how healthy I am. And we've got retro problems. And I also, do you remember your first ever, actually, I'll save this, but there's a young kid who's doing something that we all do, but he's doing it for the first time. Because you know, you don't know what to do when you haven't done it before. And it's just, it's real cute. That's all I'll say.

That's all I'll say. It doesn't sound like it's going to be cute. It sounds like it's going to be disgusting. No, it's quite nice. Okay. Well, actually no, he's pretty fucked. Oh, fucking hell. Have a great Thursday, y'all.

Watch The Strings of Life and take care of yourselves. A sign-off. Say hi to your mum for me. We're not all from Perth, mate. We can't all do Rove sign-off. I'm not from there. Thanks. Love you.

Bye. See you later.