Toni and Ryan - Spit or Swallow... at the Dentist

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Things you can say at the Dentist and also in the Bedroom, I need to talk about my nipples, and I owe a listener an apology. Love you! T x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I want to take it to Bermuda, Bahama, come on, pretty mama. Key Largo, Montego. Baby, why don't we go down to Kokomo? We'll take it fast, but then we'll get there slow. That's where we want to go. What is happening? We're down at Kokomo. You know that song?

I'm so glad. Lexi that song? I'm so glad. Lexi, welcome. I'm so glad that it's dark outside. Lexi, is that the same Kokomo that, whereabouts are you in the world? So I am just north of Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, so. So is that not the same Kokomo as? Okay, so when we typed your phone number into our computer system,

it usually says what region. Like where they're from. And it says Kokomo, Indiana. Okay, so I'm originally from Indiana, born and raised. Right. Okay, so is that Kokomo the same Kokomo from the song? I don't think so. Fuck.

Absolutely not, considering you talked about the Bahamas and islands, and then you go, oh, yeah, and just Indiana. All right. Just the middle of the cornfield, sure. Yeah. What a beautiful holiday. Okay, well, I'm not going to take the song back, but I am embarrassed.

If it makes you feel any better, I walked outside so I could talk to you all. And thankfully, it's dark outside because I was dancing. And my neighbors probably would have been like, oh, my gosh. What are you doing? Now, I messaged Lexi saying, is there a fun fact about your town or a joke that you want to share? I've already sung a song about the town. Or do you have a question for Tony or myself? And I have been a big fan of Lexi in the Facebook group the whole time,

one of the very frequent commenters. Yes. But now I'm fucking off her because she's giving me shade in my emails. Do you want to say? What did Lexi say? Well, Lexi, do you want to say what happened? How did you reply? say what happened? How did you reply?

Um, so, um, Ryan, um, who's that guy that he was in the movie? Um, devil's rose Prada and hunger games. Who's that guy? Oh, Stanley, the actor. Yeah. What's his last name? See what I'm talking about, Tony. I said, is there any questions you want to ask? He goes, yeah. Can you just say the word Stanley Tucky and then we can all move on? Oh, my gosh. Every time you say it wrong, I scream in my car.

It's like squid games. Squids games. They don't like it when I say squids games. So you've just got to say Stanley Tucci and then we can move on with our lives. If you say squid game, I'll pronounce Stanley Tucky right. Squid Game. Stanley Tucky. No!

All right, Lexi, seriously though, we do love you being a part of the group, being one of the OG tarpons and just burning everyone's shreds in the comments as well. So, I mean, I hate when I'm the brunt of it, but I appreciate where it's coming from. But before we get started today, are you able to give approval? Absolutely. Oh, Lexi, what a legend. Thank you so much for putting up with the song. Yep.

And it wasn't even the right song. And it's not even where you currently live. But we really, really appreciate it. To be fair, I've had that number since I was 18, so I haven't wanted to change it at all. And don't, because people might keep calling you and singing that to you, which is great. But we wanted to say a big thank you for being part of the Patreon and being so

active in the Facebook group. You love to see it, and we absolutely love you, and hopefully we get to chat again soon. You guys are so welcome. I love you guys. Thanks, Lexi. Thanks, Lexi. Thanks, Lexi. Thanks for being a legend.

Bye. Bye. Bye. I just saw Kokomo and thought I'll sing. Yeah, it's the big boy song. I'll do the song. Yeah. Well, I was like, Indiana.

But I just saw Kokomo and I was like, fuck yeah. Off on holiday. Island paradise. I'm embarrassed. Hi, this is Lexi from Atlanta and I approve this podcast. Tony doesn't know this yet. I don't know a lot of stuff, so you can have to elaborate.

Just the one? You need to apologise for some pain that you've caused someone. What? Emotional pain? And physical. And I know you don't like to let people down. You don't like to do the wrong thing. You're a very supportive, kind person that always has the best interests at heart.

Oh, my God. I'm like racking my brain for, did I hit someone with my car? Surely you would know that. But maybe, I don't know. That's coming up shortly. All right? Okay. Get ready to say sorry.

that's coming up shortly, all right? Okay. So get ready to say sorry. But first of all, it's time for things you can say at the dentist and also in the bedroom. Lots of people who have found us via Reels and TikTok have found us via these segments. And, Tony, you're all dentist up because tell us about your beautiful teeth. Thank you.

Well, I'm currently going through Invisalign, thanks to my friends at Gorgeous Miles Dentistry on Exhibition Street in Melbourne. Oh, full plug. Okay, righto. Yeah, I thought that would be fun. I actually just changed my – so you change the trays, but anybody that doesn't know how Invisalign works,

you get these little buttons on your teeth and you change the plastic trays every two weeks. What are you up to? Which tray? Number four. Whoa, you're churning through it. Yeah. So every two weeks you change it, but I changed them last night.

It's a bit sore. It's sore. Now, what are the two things in media you need that start with T? Oh, teeth and tits. Yeah. Yeah. And last week you go, well, I got no tits, so I've got to get some good teeth. Yeah.

I mean, I just thought that I should try. Luckily, this podcast is mainly audio based. Yeah. Tits and teeth. But so we thought it might be a bit fun to do things you can say in the dentist and also in the bedroom. Since you're getting a new tray every second week. You're spending so much time in there.

Oh, yeah. I'm just in there all the time. Basically live there, paying their rent. You want to go first? Of course, because I've got a classic. Yeah. Luckily, I had that insurance. You're a fucking idiot.

I love every time we post in the group, people are just commenting, I have that insurance. I've got that insurance. Tony, please stop trying to talk while I'm in there. That would be quite painful for the boy though, wouldn't it? Yeah, probably. Depends on. Have you ever snapped your banjo string?

No. Oh, that's happened to a friend of mine. Friend of yours? Yes. Just a friend? It didn't happen to me. I didn't do it, nor was I the. I've had a few friends that have done that.

Oh, yeah. Apparently it's not great. That is not going gonna fit in my mouth let me know if you need to come up for a breath and i'll take it out for a second that's actually really nice of you yeah consider it yeah it is oh do you mind numbing me before you go in? Numb me bum. Sorry.

Which dentist are you going to? Tony, would you like me to make your teeth whiter? The cum gun. It's back. That is so funny. Well, I've been to the same dentist as yours. Oh, yeah. She made yours.

Oh, Dr. Manu. Before we get started, I'm going to need your emergency contact. It's my wife. And I need to make sure that someone's going to be here to pick you up because you can't drive after this. Oof. Sorry. Too much?

Oof. You know, like after they give you the anesthetic, they're like, you can't drive? No. Oh, you get it? Yeah, you're getting it. Sorry. Stop winking at me.

Sorry. I actually can't help it. It gets me because I'm, you know, you get into the space of being a dentist. I'm just getting into character. Your mouth is never going to be the same. I've heard that before. But here we are. Sorry, I'm drooling

so much. Do you need a rinse? Here, spit into this cup. Do I need to spit or swallow this? I saw you going for the drink, but I thought we were taking a break. Oh, no. I was like, oh, no, no, you get a drink, mate. No, I'm in character, mate.

I'm on it. All right, well, let's just lean you back and we'll get started. Now, I'm going to give you these glasses just for protection so nothing goes in your eye. Ooh! That was a bad root. You're putting the anal in root canal. That one wasn't even written down.

That's just me off the cuff, mate. That's just me. I'm just a comic, you know, comic genius. I think that was off the cuff because it made no sense and didn't even sound the same. Oh, I thought it was funny. You know, comic genius. I still was off the cuff because it made no sense and didn't even sound the same. Oh. I thought it was funny. You put the dick in sandwich.

No, because anal. Yeah, but it doesn't sound the same. But it's still anal. Root can anal. I've got something wrong with my root can anal. I've got something wrong with my root canal. Tony Lodge, I believe you have a cavity you need filled. Yeah, I do.

I need you to drill into it first, though. Drill in, then fill it up with the white stuff. Whoa. Whoa. I can't personally service you every day,

so I suggest when you get home, use this electric toothbrush on yourself. How long do you have to study before you can do this professionally? A few internet videos. I know the taste of latex is yuck, but it's best to be safe. It is so nice to meet you. My mum recommended you really highly. Did you leave a nice review? Five stars.

Tony, by the time I'm done with you, all your holes will be filled. Including that one at the back. The root canal. But seriously though, the best way for you to avoid future problems is for me to just pull it out. That one's a finger. Oh. And they do recommend to come back every three to six months. Did you want to come back?

You've come on my back. Yeah, I do want to come back. Oh, you'll have to ask your sister for it. What? Doesn't make any sense. I don't get it. Then there's nothing to get. Hey, have you apologised?

We've been at the dentist. I haven't had time to think about it. You owe someone an apology. What have I done? Because I'm so... Ryan. We're going to call Anna. No, you know me. I try to be so polite to everybody.

I'm never rude. I like... I always try my best and I don't know what I've done. Let's call Anna. She'll explain. Okay. And you can apologize. Aww.

Hello? Hello, is that Anna? Hi, Ryan. Hello, I'm with Tony. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing, guys? Hi, Anna.

Yeah, we're well. I don't actually know why I just wanted to You got surprised I would like to apologise Anna from the bottom of my heart for No worries, no worries It's my fault

Tony doesn't actually know why she's apologising so why don't you tell us why she needs to apologise Okay, maybe this will be dangerous for me because i'm saying this in public but i was working so um i'm biomedical scientist oh okay you shouldn't be listening to this so i was doing some ID for some bacterias, and we used some acid to get a better ID. So I was listening.

I was pouring some acid, and that acid dropped in my hand. Oh! So what happened? Oh, my God, yeah. And I was like, okay, straight to the thing, brings my hand, and my hand is nice, okay. Now it's quite nice, but just to let you know, this happened in the night, I turned a patron.

But you know what they say, the old saying, as the old saying goes, don't pour acid while you're listening to Tony and Ryan. If I had a dollar for every time I've said that. No. Oh, guys, this was just funny. Just really, really funny.

Well, you're not the first. Thank you, Tony. You're not the first person Tony is left with a burning sensation. You are dangerous. You are dangerous, Tony. Bye, Anna. Thank you so much. See you later.

Thank you so much. Take care of yourself. That's true. You've heard that right, though. Don't pour acid while you're listening to Tony. I've always said that. Hey, it's Lexi from Atlanta, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show,

something that would have been really normal for our parents when they were together, and for couples maybe 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago. Yeah. I believe... That's a big range of time, 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago? Yeah. I believe. That's a big range of time, 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago. Technology is upgraded and there's something that partners do not need to do with each other anymore and I'm happy about it. All will be explained in normal or nah tomorrow.

Okay. All right. Oh, and I owe you an apology as well. Apologies come in left, front and centre. But yeah. Yeah. But before that, we want to say a massive shout out, massive thank you to our champion tapas in our Patreon,

patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan if you would like to participate. No pressure though, all good. Lynn Sanchez, Peyton Davis, Tyler Magnano, Jack Cameron and Chloe Evans. Thank you so much for joining and for supporting us. Chloe sent a message to DM during the week as well. Did she? What did she say? I don't know.

I should have thought about that before I brought it up. Yeah. Lovely though. Thanks for participating in whatever way that you did. So I'm getting an apology, am I? Not now. Fine. Oh. Not now. Tomorrow. What are we talking about now then? Oh, you've got a dumb problem.

Yeah, another one. I've just written down Tony has a dumb problem. Yeah, another one. I've just written down Tony has a dumb problem. So that's not the thing you're apologizing for? No, no, no, no. Okay. You don't need an apology for this. I need an apology for this for myself. No, I've got a problem with my nipples.

So. Okay. So. Anything I, I don't, I don't want to be the creepy guy. Okay. But I always like to feel like I can help. No. I'm just going to let you go.

Yeah, no, no, no. You know you please start talking, please. Thank you. So this is really weird and I don't really know what to do. I guess this is something that I would normally ask my mum, but I can't. So I'm just fending for myself currently. One of my nipples is so dry and cracked. Only one.

Only the left one. The right one is fine. It's living its best life. It's all good. How can they not be the same? Are they living in different circumstances? Well, I didn't think so, but apparently that seems to be the problem. A rich one and a poor one.

One's got better skincare routine. I'm favoring one nipple. Yeah. So my left nipple, right, has just been really, really dry and really itchy. You know when something's healing and it's itchy and you really want to scratch it, but you're like, it's healing. It's going to make it worse. I need to just leave it.

So I've been trying to leave it. I've been moisturizing it. I've been doing everything that I can, but it just will not get better. And so – What have you – oh, I don't know. You will owe me an apology. No, I won't. Anyway, so we often talk through the week.

Like we chat all the time through the week to plan the show and talk about stuff. Yep. And so my nipple has gotten so bad, I can't talk about it without grabbing my boob. I need to stop. You're groping yourself. I am. And looking me in the eye. There's lots happening.

And I decided that something that I needed to do, so literally like it was weeping. You know when you've got like something that's just like it's weeping? What do you mean weeping? Like when you've got a sore that's like a surface level sore but like it it oozes a little bit it's it's a mess and it looks horrible as well like my right nipple is like living its best life but my left nipple is like sad it's like living on skid row so last week or the week before you compared having a smoke alarm to a baby being a parent yeah

do you think mothers who breastfeed will be empathizing or they'll be telling you to harden up? So I never really understood how breastfeeding would affect your nipples, but after this has been so sore, it rubs on everything and it really hurts and that's only one of them. So if any actually breastfeeding mothers can reach out and give me a solution, I would love it because I'm like stressing about this nipple.

So what have you done Googling? Have you tried to, you know, WebMD? I've been moisturizing it. I've used different types of butters and balms and nothing will help it. And so what I came and like every time I wear a bra or anything, it like, it rubs and it gets like stuff stuck in it. And I'm really worried it's going to get infected. Like it's actually a health issue.

Yeah. Anyway. I'm glad you brought this up with me and not a professional. Yeah. Well, you're a professional broadcaster. So I figured that was the same. Yeah. Yeah.

And you've got a PhD. Pretty huge. Beep. Anyway, so the thing that I decided was going to be the best, I had a shower, cleaned it all out, and then decided I would need to just sit topless for the night. Very understandable. And just let it air out because I was like,

it obviously just needs some fresh air. It needs to not be confined to a bra or a t-shirt or anything. I'm not disagreeing with just the term air out. It's just like very graphic. It's funny. It's graphic. And then, so I'm sitting on, Torb's is cooking dinner. I'm sitting on the couch with like pajama shorts on and just sitting there topless and

like holding my breast to try and like just comfort it and let it know that I'm here and that if it needs anything, just shout out. Shout out. You know where I live. Yeah, you know where I'm at. I'm never far away. I'm right here. All good.

Anyway, and then you called me. I called you. Oh, shit. And so I – Do it. So you and I were on the phone and I had you on speaker, so I was holding my phone like up to my face like this. So one hand you've got your phone and the other hand you're holding your own boob while

you're sitting topless. Topless and talking to you. What were we talking about? Oh, we were talking about the show. Like, and we were literally on the phone for five minutes. And I said to Torbs, is it weird if I answer this? What did he say? And he was like, it's, it's Ryan.

It's fine. It is fine. You know, like I And he was like, it's Ryan. It's fine. It is fine. You know, like I would easily, I would happily tell you. I just didn't tell you because we were just like quickly chatted. Then we got off the phone. Yeah. Then I had to call my brother about something. And I said, is this weird?

Is it weird if I call my brother? Yeah. And I'm sitting here topless. And Torbz went, maybe that is weird. So I just text him instead. Are you saying that i'm we're closer than you and your brother no i just um thank you that's so nice of you to say like it's a different relationship but it reminded me difference in closeness it reminded me though

my first radio job i um very funnily the day that i was supposed to get if it was funnily the day that i was supposed to get the job, I had to go to jury duty. How annoying. So I had to go to jury duty in the morning. I ended up getting excused. So upsetting. Like 400 people there, 10 people got excused, and I was one of them.

I was gutted because you want to go in and see how it all works. Anyway, I was going for jury duty, expecting to hear about this job, whatever. I get excused, so I go home and I jump in the shower. I jump out of the shower. I'm standing there naked. My phone rings. What am I going to do?

Not answer it. Of course you're going to answer that. I'm going to answer it. So I answer it. It's my very first radio boss, Simon. You know Simon. Great guy. Yeah, so Simon hired me when I first started in radio.

Simon, great guy. Yeah, so Simon hired me when I first started in radio. And I took the second half of the job interview that he was calling me for, and then he offered me the job while I was naked. Is that okay? I was on the phone. I was like, hello, Tony Lodge speaking, like all professional, but I was naked. You were naked. And he offered you the job whilst you were naked. He offered me the job, and I was like, hello, Tony Lodge speaking. Yep, all professional. All professional, but I was naked.

You were naked. And he offered you the job whilst you were naked. And he offered me the job and I was like, oh, my gosh, that's so amazing. I'm so excited. And he was like, yep, we'll organise contracts and everything. You can drive down to Bunbury. We'll sort everything out for you and we'll figure it out. And I was like, oh, my God, thank you so much for this opportunity. I'm just so excited.

And I was naked. Is that okay? Does he know that? No. Did you tell know that? No. Did you tell him later? No. Why not? It just never really came up.

But then when I was sitting there taking these phone calls to my children's screen dinner, I was like. All these naked flashbacks coming back. How many things have you done naked in your life? Well. When you worked from home during lockdown? No, never. Never.

Because it was like 4.30 in the morning. It was too cold. I hope you and your nipples recover. Thank you. Do you want to see it? It's actually really cool. No, I don't. Would you love to see it?

No, I would not love to see it. Things you don't love to see, Tony's cracked nips. Do you want to see the good one? Absolutely. Because the right one's all good. Get the lefty. No, the right one's all good. I was joking, mate.

Oh, okay. Then I wore a dress without a bra last night. I'm back to square one. You're an idiot. Yeah. You deserve that. Thank you. I was on your side somewhere.

Yeah, I know. No, I'm an idiot. Things you love to see. Yes. You might have seen this viral story story got doing the rounds and someone in the group actually posted and said oh this could be a thing that you love to see so it's submitted by dylan martinez thank you dylan this lady got married and her husband has a few deaf people in his family so in the lead up to the how much does it just do you in in the lead up to the

wedding she learned sign language. So she was able to sign all her vows so all of his family were included and they could understand. That's really, really special. That is just the most lovely thing I've ever seen. Yeah. I just, oh, you do love to see that. You do love to see that.

And that's the first, I know there's a pun there somewhere about, like, you love to see it yeah thank you yeah very good we'll figure out the joke later you like we can appreciate there's a joke there but we can figure it out later in the episode thread i'll post a great job a great joke and a great joke fuck end this episode already what do you love to see? I love to see that Christmas stuff is everywhere at the moment. Yep. I'm absolutely loving it. And I saw this really, really cute thing that might be something nice

that you could do with kids. And you know how you leave out milk and cookies for Santa? Yep. And like a carrot for the reindeer or whatever. You know what does me in? What? The parents who are like, well, what if Santa's dairy free? We'll leave him out some soy and some carrots.

I'm like, nah, mate, Santa knows what he's doing. Santa's all good. Yeah. He's fine. He's doing full fat milk. He's pro-dairy. He's pro-everything. He'll just suck it down.

He is not a vegan. It's all good. And I saw this really cute thing that if you wanted to leave a gift for the elves as well, it was decorated Cheerios, like little donuts. So putting like Nutella on them and then like dipping them in hundreds and thousands. And I just thought that was so cute. Everyone leaves them out. They deserve

a gift. Oh yeah, the elves deserve something. They're making all the fucking presents all year. They're working 365 days. Old mate works fucking 12 hours a year. I know. He don't need no more carbs. He'd be on pretty good cash, I reckon. To only work one day a year, he must be getting some pretty good cash.

Especially if you broke it down per hour. Yeah, that's true. And all of those, you know, shopping centre appearances. What's the minimum wage for an elf? I hope they're getting paid right. Yeah, me too. Do you reckon they just get paid in like candy or sugar or something? They better fucking not.

Yeah. Not in this day and age. I actually think we should look into that. The great resignation is coming. You need to treat your employees better fucking not. Yeah. Not in this day and age. I actually think we should look into that. The great resignation is coming. You need to treat your employees better. Yeah, the elf guild. But I thought that was really, really sweet. And we actually talked a couple of weeks ago that Tony and Ryan asked,

we would do some videos of like cooking people's Christmas recipes and stuff. Yeah, that's on the way. So we might do that. But if you've got any great recipes, we would love for you to send them through, post them in the group or send them on Instagram or email. What's happening? I don't know. We don't even have an email.

Is this the end? It is. Meow. E-meow. E-meow. I like that. You could email. You've got an email address.

Let's just start a thread. Okay. Oh, yeah, we'll yeah. Don't email us. Are you starting tomorrow's episode? We'll put a thread about your family Christmas food traditions and Tony and I will attempt to cook them. We'll pick a couple and we'll come up with some fun twists. Meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow-y Christmas. You know what I haven't played for a while? Hold on. Okay. Holy Spirit, activate. Oh, no. Lots of people were commenting about this the other day.

Holy Spirit, activate. Activate. Activate. Activate. See you tomorrow. Holy Spirit, activate. Oh, no. Holy Spirit, activate. Holy Spirit, activate. Holy Spirit, activate. Holy activate, activate. Say it to my eye. Activate, activate, activate. Holy Spirit, activate. Activate, activate.

Activate, activate. Activate, activate. Activate, activate. Activate, activate.