Toni and Ryan - Squirting in an Uber

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

Something terrible happened to me (Toni) in the back of an Uber - and I'm being tested on my knowledge of other countries AGAIN. Love ya! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is Miranda. Miranda, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Oh, my God, is it Miranda Kerr? Oh, I wish. So do we, mate. So do we. But unfortunately, we're stuck with Miranda Beck.

How sad for all three of us. Miranda Beck sounds hotter than Miranda Kerr, if that's even possible. Well, it is possible, and it's true. Well, it is possible and it's true. Yeah, it is. Hi, Miranda. How are you going? I'm really good. I ended up not getting today off work.

So I'm like, that's me. I'm like, I need to go to the bathroom. So you've cut out. It seems like you're at work and you're doing something illegal right now and you're not working on the clock. Is that what you're saying? Oh, my God. She's been fired. She's been fired. She's been working on the clock. Is that what you're saying? Oh, my God. She's been fired.

She's been fired. She's been taken by the police. She's back. Oh, my God. She's back. Yeah, look, if you guys need a new employee at any of your workplaces, apparently. All right, before you cut out once more,

we're going to need you to approve this podcast because if you die. And then you can get fired. Yeah. After that. Just make sure that you approve Miranda and then you can get fired. Yeah. After that. Just make sure that you approve Miranda and then you can go and do whatever you want. Hello? Oh, my God.

Something terrible has happened. You're back. Okay. You're back. I can hear you again. Miranda, don't fucking move. I'm in, like, the dingy back corridors of Westfield, so it's, like, sneaky, sneaky.

Oh, tell Tony's ex-boyfriends you said hi. That's where she used to do her best work. I reckon that there's actually a conspiracy, right? I've talked about this before, that in a Westfield or in a Coles, you can't use your... Your phone doesn't work. And it's so that you can't, like, Google the prices at Woolworths. Is that true?

Well, I'm not in, like, a Coles or a Woolworths. And I'm in, like a cold or a Woolworths and I'm in like in the back. Yeah, and we're like the off-site storage for my stories. Oh, my gosh. Back corridors, yeah. Well, Miranda, very quietly, would you mind approving this podcast before you get fired? I 100% approve this podcast.

It has got me through so many rough times, guys. I love you guys so much. Oh, Miranda. Well, we're sorry to hear that, but we're so glad we could be a part of, you know, helping out and giving you a laugh. Look, to balance it out, I am in the injured category because of this podcast. That's what's happened. What happened?

So a couple of weeks ago, again, I had a day off where I wasn't doing anything, which never happens. I was like, you know what? I'm going to follow the recommendation and make some of this amazing mousse that was recommended. Yes. I've got to make that video. The mousse was delicious. Yep.

The mousse was 100% delicious. I will give you that. However. Thank you. I was listening to the podcast while I was making it. Last, dropped the glass container on my feet, ripped them to shreds. Oh, my God.

Miranda, welcome to the club because... You know, right? I also still have glass in my foot. It's been there for six weeks. They can't get it out. From that light bulb. Yeah. So did you get it all out?

I didn't even go to the doctor, though. I did, but I just got it out myself with tweezers and then sprayed it with Dettol. Oh, what an adult. Yeah, that is an adult thing to do. My preference was to just ignore it for a few weeks. Let it really get stuck in there deep. But no, I like your strategy.

That's good. Yeah. Look, I'm a qualified vet nurse, so I had like full, daltful and proper tweezers at home. Hang on. Well, I'm a qualified accountant. I didn't do anything. Hang on.

You're a vet nurse, but you work at the Westfield. Is there a vet at the Westfield? No, no. My dad is a vet, and we grew up in the back half of the vet surgery, so I actually had my vet nurse qualifications before I graduated high school. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. And then now that I've grown up and moved out of home,

don't do that anymore. Yeah, right. You can just do home surgeries on your own feet instead of the animals. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And free antibiotics. So it's good.

Oh. All right. We'll cut that out to project your identity, Miranda. Hey, this is Miranda from Brisbane and I approve this podcast. Yeah. I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say congratulations to Tony Lodge on your beautiful hair. Oh, mate. I love the attention that the hair's getting.

I never expected it. It's a pleasure to be nominated. Yeah, and Evind from Finland says, The sound that Tony makes when she's discussing sex noises turns me on and I'm a gay man. Thank you so much. Wow, it's really... It's getting hot for Tony in here.

Yeah, it is. It's like, why isn't my brain working? Compliment Tony Day is what I was trying to say, but fucking hell, long walk around for a short drink of water. I've never heard that saying. Really? And I'm glad I haven't. Yeah.

Thank you so much for listening to Tony and Ryan. Really do appreciate it. Yeah, cheers. A big asterisk. Tony's had a big night last night. When we did the nugget challenge, I had had a big night the night before. Yeah, you had. I don't know if anybody noticed this.

Tony's returned the favour. You had that raspy voice as well when you rocked up at my house. I was like, mate, you look like a little bit rough. Yeah, but we're back. We're feeling it. Well, I'm back. Tony will be back in a few hours, hopefully, but welcome. I need a cheeseburger and a Coke with sugar in it.

All right, I've got a question for you. What love language are you and what love language is your partner? Now, if you don't know about the concept of love languages, basically how people give and receive love to their partner is different. So you might be like, oh, I'm trying to be really nice and doing this thing, but it might turn out the thing you're doing, oh, they're not that type of person. They appreciate this other thing.

Yeah. So just to give you an example, words of affirmation. Tony, what's that? So you'd say, oh, you're doing a great job or you look really nice today or you're being really kind. What about acts of service? Me bringing you a coffee and say, hey, mate, I was thinking about you on my way to work this morning,

brought you a coffee. Receiving gifts? So, oh. Or giving gifts depending on which direction it is. So have I just said that, the coffee thing, but that would also be gifts? Well, the gift could be the coffee, but the service would be the act of like going and getting the coffee. And I think the service is like, oh, they've thought about me

and they've actually done something. But giving gifts, I guess, is like at birthdays you love to spoil people or when you're looking online you go, oh, they'd love that. I'll just get that. Just a little treat just to let them know I love them kind of thing. Quality time? Your love language is actually just being together. And the last one, physical touch. Yep. So you might be super amorous. Is that the technical term for handsy? Yeah, I guess so.

But, like, you actually just love sitting there holding hands or you love PDA, like, you show someone you love them by kissing them all the time or hugging and stuff. Yeah, because some people like hugging and touching and others are like, hey, I love you, but just don't get up in my grill, bro. What's yours? So giving and receiving. I like getting hugs, pats on the back

cuddles and that's not for my partner like even you know a high five and i i just appreciate being i know you hate high fives but even when you walk past me sometimes you'll just pat me on the back or rub the back of my head i'm like oh jesus that you said that in a way that maybe didn't sound super appropriate it's like oh literally a pat on the back. Yeah, like, yeah. Nothing weird. I don't grab the back of your neck and, like, pass you or anything. And I do like a word of affirmation, like just being told by my partner that she loves me or just saying, like, even from, like, an employer,

like just my boss going, hey, mate. Great job there. Great job. I don't need an award or whatever, but just someone saying you've done a great job, like that means something to me. And what do you like to give? job, like that means something to me. And what do you like to give? Well, I like to give those things as well.

But see, Bridget is not. Touchy. Yeah. For her, it's like I went and did something for her, acts of service, that kind of stuff. Like before we came in this morning, I like cleaned up and she was up and about. Oh, that's really nice. She's like, have you cleaned?

Okay. So she's like, oh, thank you so much. Yeah. Whereas if I'm like, I love you, she's like, whatever. Yeah. What about you? I think what I like to receive is words of affirmation. I really like being told that I'm doing a good job and stuff like that.

And I think I love to give gifts. Yeah. Me too, actually. I love bringing you lunch. Like I brought too, actually. I love bringing you lunch. I brought you lunch today. Thank you. We do that most weeks. We've sent each other little gifts and stuff.

Yeah. When we launched the pod, I sent you. What did I send you again? You sent me some cocktails. I did the same because Bridget mentioned months and months ago that she loved this type of cocktail and I remembered where she'd bought it from. Right.

That's what I like. People look at that and go, I've mentioned that before. Tony's remembered it and bought it for me. Yeah. I love spending money on people. Yeah, great. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, you're lucky, mate. I am lucky. All right. Let me introduce you to Tony Lodge, international lover. Okay. I don't know where this is going. Tony doesn't know about this. So basically to give some examples while you're thinking about what your love language is

and what your partner's love language is. And like we're saying, they might not be the same or the same for giving and receiving. So people from all around the world in our Facebook group have told me what their love language is. Yeah. And you in their accent are going to give an example of what we're talking about. I really am. I'm not at 100% this morning.

Gillian Conn is from Northern Ireland, not just Ireland, but Northern Ireland, and she needs physical touch. So can you show us or explain to us what it would sound like when Gillian is asking her partner for physical touch. Would you hold me hand? Yeah, no. Would you hold me hand? More north.

Oh, what's that? Just give it more. Would you hold me hand, wee weety? I don't know. And she likes a bit more than just a held hand. Oh. Would you lick me, mj? We need you. Sorry.

I did not expect it. Like a little bit more, not like zero to a hundred. Okay. Sorry to everyone who just spat or drove off the road, by the way. Well, Gillian, I hope you do enjoy getting licked on the Minj. Please don't yell at her. Sorry, Gillian. Stephanie Strood is from North Carolina.

Go the Tar Heels. Stephanie likes to receive words of affirmation. So this is how her partner from North Carolina would sound, giving her those words of affirmation. Hey, Stephanie. Loved the work you did on that thing. I said North Carolina. What's that?

It's a place in the USA. Yeah, I know, but, like, what's the that? It's a place in the USA. Yeah, I know. But like, what's the difference? All Americans sound the same to me. A thousand percent. No, immediately. No, I don't know the difference. So California is so different to like Alabama, which is so different to Florida, which is so different to New York. Okay. So where's North Carolina? It's above South Carolina. Oh, but where is that? Is that near New York? No. That side, but not really.

Hey, Stephanie, love that thing you did the other day. Nah. Mate, don't you know that I've never been to the Americas? I can't afford it. Just give Stephanie a speech about how much you love her in that voice and we'll push on for her sake. Hey, Stephanie, thanks so much for making dinner last night. Is that too Californian?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's because that's what you see on TV. I hate to be reductive about an entire country. It sounds like you are. The representation is appalling. Maria. Maria.

Maria. Maria. Maria. Maria. Maria. Maria. Maria Jacobson is from Bergen. She's in Norway, your favourite place, Tony, and she's all about quality time. So this is her asking her partner to spend some quality time with her. Oh, sweetie, would you like to spend some time with me?

We watch some Netflix. Again, you have made the mistake of believing that Norway is in Sweden. I think we've made this mistake. See, I don't know why you keep asking me to do this, especially today. I'm not at 100%, mate. You're not. You're really not.

All right, here's one a bit closer to home. Okay. Alana Baker is from Adelaide. And let me read the exact comment that she left. Yep. And because I want you to feel the aggression in her words. Okay, is it something about a pie floater? They love that in Adelaide.

They love gyros, they love fruit chocs, they love Farmer's Union ice milk and a pie floater. Correct. Alana said, physical touch for me, but only from my partner. Everyone else can go get fucked. That's what she wrote. Okay, Alana, I appreciate that. Channel that.

Okay, so in Adelaide. So this is her describing her being in Adelaide and then asking her partner to touch her but no one else. And she's aggressive. I'm Alana. I love to drink milk. They say milk like that. And how I choose to measure our love is with physical touch but only with you

babe no one fucking else they can get fucked because in adelaide they sell like measure and pink milk because my brother-in-law's from adelaide and he always says like i'll just measure that and that's how they say it really and they say lego that fucks me up instead of lego it's lego get fucked. It's Lego. Yeah. Nah. Gee, South Australia rubs me on the wrong way. Yeah. And also, okay, so for anybody that's listening,

let's describe a pie floater. This is just the foulest thing you've ever heard. Sorry to anyone in Adelaide, including Alana. I think it's a thing in the UK as well. Oh, is it? I'm not sure. So it's pea soup, so like mushy pea soup with a whole meat pie in the middle. No. So there's just a pie sitting in a whole meat pie in the middle. No.

So there's just a pie sitting in a fucking big bit of yuck. In green soup. And then they'll chuck some tomato sauce on it. Yeah. And then they like, when they cut the pie open or like dig into the pie, the mince goes into the, oh, yeah. Sorry for doing the gagging sound. I think her name's Melanie.

Is her name Melanie? Sorry about that, Mel. Sorry, Mel. If it's not Mel, we're just going with it. Just Mels in general. Yeah. Sorry, all the Mels. Jenny Stey is from Sweden and her love language,

she loves to receive gifts and in particular, probably like the two of us, Tony, likes to receive food. She writes, nothing makes me feel more loved than when my husband brings home good food or some nice chocolate because he knows that's what I like and he knows I'll enjoy it. Oh, I'm Jenny. I love it when my husband brings me IKEA meatballs and chocolate and little Swedish fish.

I'll actually get you to reenact. Imagine her husband has come home and then this is how she reacts when he walks in the door with an arm full of food and he knows what he's doing because he's ready to go. All right. That's a door opening. Yep, good. Hi, sweetie.

How are you? Oh, hi, Jenny. I bought you some food from the IKEA. Oh, sweetheart, you know that make me so happy. I love it when you bring me the meatballs from the IKEA. Oh, did you also pick up a Shvelka mom from IKEA? That's a bookshop. Oh, yeah, I did get that from the IKEA.

Oh, husband, you know I love that. Maybe my act of service is physical touch on your vena. Oh, yeah. What is this? This is them kissing because she's happy with the food. Oh. Yeah. I thought.

Okay, that's enough. End scene. End scene. That was Jenny and her husband. Yeah, it got hot and heavy, didn't it? That was a lot. Finally, and this could set us off, I reckon. Oh.

When you... Oh, is it going to get better than Jenny and her husband? Well, not for those two. Maybe not. Oh, bloody hell. This could set us off. You'll know what I'm talking about when you hear it. Okay. Jordan is all about quality time and he's from Kentucky.

Okay. All right. I love spending time with you and checking on our parcels at the depot for the UPS. Yeah. Was that accent close? Yeah, I'm sure. All right. Was that accent close? Yeah, I'm sure.

All right, let us know in the comments of the thread what is your love language and if you believe Tony has helped you decide what feels right for you. And also if you think that my accent work has gotten better. It has gotten better. Your Swedish became Italian for a few sentences. But you reined it back in. It came back around. Your Swedish became Italian for a few sentences. Fuck. But you reined it back in. It came back around. Yeah.

Yeah, good. Well, so one of my love languages is definitely like spending quality time. Yep. I love buying gifts and doing fun things. And one of my aims in life is to always be the person that if someone goes, oh, my God, we're going out for dinner with Tony and Torbs, I know Tony will pay. Oh, so you want to be a lushbish.

That is like one of my dreams, that when we are going out for somebody. If you want to take me out and pay, if that's your dream, I, Rhyme John, will make your dreams come true, baby. Come on over. And by come on over, I mean meet me at Nobu. But, yeah, I like want to get to the point where people go, oh, we're going out for dinner with Tony and Torbs. She always pays.

She always pays. She takes care of us. It's always a great night going out for dinner with Tony and Torbs, she always pays. She always pays. She takes care of us. It's always a great night when we go out with Tony and Torbs. Exactly. We know that she'll buy a nice bottle of red or a nice bottle of champers or something. Like that's what I really want. That's why I'm working so hard to get to that point.

Not for future wealth for her family or a nice house. She just wants to take people out to restaurants and treat them like kings. Really fancy champagne. And so we actually had a bit of a big week because Torbs and I went out for dinner on Thursday to repeat offender in Elwood. I saw that. And we also went out with friends of ours, Jason Liu, to Angus and Bond for dinner last night. You've come out of lockdown with a vengeance. Oh, yeah.

And let me tell you, it's exhausting. Yeah. It's very exhausting. You look exhausted. Thank you. And anyway, so on Thursday night, so weeknight, date night, it was the first time Torbs and I have actually gone out for dinner together, just the two of us, since lockdown's ended.

And that was the picture that I put in the group that everyone frothed. Actually, I'm not even sorry to throw you on the bus. You look great. Everyone said, oh, it's great to see you smiling out and about because everyone knows here in Melbourne we've been in lockdown. Been through it, yeah. So it was great to see. Thank you.

And I was glad to see you and Torbs out and about having a great time. Yeah. I was busy, I guess. Well, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, okay. These things happen. Yeah, yeah. But so, as you said, I looked great.

I got really dressed up and we just, it was really, really nice. We're in the Uber on the way there and a great song comes on the radio. You know that song that I love? The Kid LAROI song. Oh, Stay. Stay. It's a great fucking song. It is a great song. I do the same thing I told you that I never could.

I told you I was my man. Yeah, I think we know it. Yeah, anyway. I do the same thing I told you that I never could. Every time this comes on, which by the way is a lot. Yeah, it's a great song. Tony gets revved up. Yeah, I love we know. Yeah, anyway. Every time this comes on, which, by the way, is a lot. Yeah, it's a great song. Tony gets revved up. Yeah, I love it. I fucking love this song.

Anyway, so it comes on in the radio and we're in the back of an Uber because you can't sit in the front seat. Anyway, and we're in the back and the armrest in the middle of the back seat was down and it had a pumpable sanitiser in it. Oh, that's a nice touch. Because, like, you've got to get in, sanitise your hands, check into the Uber and then you're all good to go. Anyway, and this song comes on and I'm, like, dancing.

Like, the Uber driver goes, oh, do you want me to turn it up? And I was like, how good is this song? And he's like, it's all over TikTok. Like, it was great. We were having a great chat. And there's a part, like, two-thirds of the way through the song where it goes, I do the same thing I told you that I never would. And it's got like this really great beat underneath it.

And I slapped Torbs' leg to the beat of the song and didn't realise but the pump of the sanitiser was pointing towards me and I smacked his leg probably four or five times and sanitiser sprayed pointing towards me and I smacked his leg probably four or five times and sanitiser sprayed all over me. And this is on the way to the restaurant. On the way there. That was a really nice place as well. It was nice, yeah.

And the first time you've been dressed up and then you're rocked up, did it look like you've pissed yourself? Well, yeah, I rocked up and I've got this, like, massive patch of sanitiser all over my crotch and my leg. Yeah, and it's just, like just got that really dense alcohol smell. Oh. I know. So you rock up and they're like,

jeez, how many vodkas is this? We're rolling in hot. It's only 5.30. We're doing pre-drinks already. Imagine if I'd gone to a nightclub. They're like, you can't come in. I'm sorry, mate. How many of you had, oh, two beers?

Fuck off. Hi, this is Miranda from Brisbane, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Thank you so much for listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Cheers. In just a moment, the people have spoken about, is it something that does in fact turn you on, hearing your neighbours doing the hippity-dippity?

Does that make you want to do the hippity-dippity? The people have spoken. We'll get to that in a sec. And just before that, we'd love to give a massive shout-out to our champion tapas that have joined in the last week. Rachel Rogers, thank you so much. MZ Graham, thank you very much. MZ Graham, thank you very much. And Timothy Jacobs, thank you so much for supporting our Patreon.

And if you're interested in checking it out, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. But no pressure. No pressure. On Mondays, we like to just go through a bit of feedback from the previous week. Yes. Tony, you said a few controversial things last week, to be fair, didn't you? Yeah, I did. I actually got a lot less hate than I was expecting.

I was also expecting you to get a lot of hate. I would love to point out that people came out in droves supporting the eye mask. The eye mask. You sleep in every night. Every night, yep. Even last night when you got home dusty. Yeah.

Yep, still got it on. You've got to. You've got to pop it on, make sure you get a good night's sleep. There were literally hundreds of comments in the Tony and Ryan podcast group. Yeah. It's gone off last week. I said a lot of stuff. Yeah.

Now, the one that I found interesting was when you told the story of you could hear your neighbours in the apartment block. Doing it. Doing it. And it was graphic too. It was sexy. And you, what did that lead to for you? Well, Torbs and I were overheard. I was about to say listening.

We overheard. Well, that became listening. Sure. Is it true that you turned the TV off and just sat there for 45 minutes? That's what I'm hearing. Okay. It was what we were hearing too. We weren't listening.

We were hearing it. One is passive, one is aggressive. We then kind of looked at each other and went, oh, that's pretty sexy. Should we? And then we did do it. Lucy kittens. Oh. Don't cheap her.

Yeah. A couple moved into my spare room for the summer. She had a couple who went away and then the landlord said, oh, we found these other people for a few months. Yeah. I heard them daily and they were really into role-playing sexy stuff, including, but not limited to, says Lucy, dragons, sword fights, being locked in a tower, horseback riding and jousting.

This happened more than once and it was the worst summer of my life. She wasn't for it. But as you know now, Tony, again, hundreds of comments being like, nah, that gets me going. Well, a lot of people actually commented saying that it's a fucking scientific thing that women respond sexually more to sounds than visuals. Why? You were going to do your thesis on that at uni, weren't you?

Yeah, I was. Yeah, not exactly that. What about sexy noises? Well, the importance of audio in media and film and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, I agree. Because hearing, like, I don't really, like,

I'm not like a porn watcher. It's like not to kink shame. It's just not my thing. But hearing it. What about a sexy audio book or something? Well, that's what I forget the girl who commented this, but she said that there's actually sexy noise soundtracks that you can listen to because she found an old record

in her granddad's belongings. Oh, I think I read that as well. Yeah, and it was in like a Bing Cosby fucking sleeve, but it had like sexy, yeah, it was like porn on an LP. So she listened to the same audio porn that her grandpa listened to? Oh. You don't think too hard about that? Yeah.

Okay. Caitlin Gordana, she says, I'm all about it. I'm with Tony on this one. I agree. Sorry, did I say Caitlin Gordana? she says, I'm all about it. I'm with Tony on this one. I agree. Sorry, did I say Caitlin Gordana? Yeah, you did. More like Caitlin Gordana and your brother in the apartment next door. She went down on her brother.

Oh, it was a pun. Okay, if you didn't like that, the next few minutes are going to be rough. Probably unsubscribe from the podcast if you didn't like that. Jess Keener, these are real names, by the way, in our group. You can see the comments. She said, I'm 100% revved up when hearing Neighbours, even hearing Tony describe the Neighbours, hence it was like third. Third ear.

Yeah, second hand, third hand sound. She was still turned on, says Jess Keener. You're welcome, Jess. Sorry, did I say Jess Keener? Yes, you did. Fast forward. Don't listen. Sorry, it's more like Jess Keenia.

Keep your pants on, you old dog. The neighbours can hear us. Shit, this is going to get worse for me. I'm glad that people got turned on from me telling my sexy story. Yeah. That makes me feel really good about myself. Does it? Yeah.

It should. Yeah. This makes me feel really good about myself. Does it? Yeah. It should. Yeah. This is an audio only platform. My voice is a little bit gravelly this morning. So people might like that. Thank you. Ah. Fucking on your balcony.

Sorry. Erin Brady Donker. Oh, fuck. I can't wait to hear the one about that. She said... Aaron Brady Bonker. Is that what you had? The sound of neighbours gets me going as well.

Sorry, did I say Aaron Brady Donker? I meant Aaron Brady Donker, I don't care what your name is, pal, just put it in on the balcony so the neighbours can hear. Oh, my God. I just love that it's so far-fetched. Like, it's such a... Oh, sorry, I've got another comment here. It's from Steve, just put a dick in my arse.

Oh, God, what joke are you going to make about that? He just said, I don't like it, I don't agree with Tony. That's funny from you, mate. I think I'll just leave the feedback to the feedbackers from now on. I think that they would have appreciated those jokes. I hope so, because I spent a bit too long thinking of them. Is that why when I walked in this morning and said, hey, do you have any good stories?

You're like, ah. I've spent time on some other weird things. That's fine. I've spent time on some other weird things. That's fine. Well, so I've given a couple of hashtag suggestions before recommendations. I've got another one. Hashtag recommendation is the literal things you love to see

because you are deciding to see it by following the hashtag. Yes, and the good thing about it is that you literally only see things when people use that hashtag. So you know when sometimes you might follow someone on Instagram that posts great stuff but it might be interspersed with other things you don't really like? Yeah, yep. Like I follow a couple of like DIY people that when they post

about their family, I'm like, oh, I like that, but it's maybe not really why I'm. Actually, can we just. I've got an issue with this. Is that a really shitty thing to say? No, I'm with you because there's this girl who I follow and she gives great, like, Instagram advice for business owners. Yeah.

And she's like, yep, here's my, like, tips and tricks and stuff. And so I started following her because she's great. Yeah. And then she's like, hey, I've got all these new followers. Can I recommend this protein shake? No. And I was like – and her account is – I won't say her name, but it's like, you know, at Shirley's Business Tips.

Like it's a very specific thing. And I was just like, that's not actually why. But you can do that on your personal account. Do you think that people think that about us though? I was just thinking that. Oh, shit. I'll sell shit at you. Yeah, we do.

Okay, we're about to have an existential crisis. Yeah, we're going to maybe cut this out. But anyway. No, it's in. It's in. As you know now because you're hearing it, it's in. But the hashtag is hashtag gift wrapping. Oh, and it's like just really satisfying to watch.

Yeah. And so there's some videos of people actually doing it, but then also some good tips and tricks of great ways to gift wrap. So as I mentioned before, I love giving gifts. I fucking love wrapping gifts. Really? I fucking love it. I'll go to Spotlight.

I'll buy a ribbon. I'll buy little bits of flowers, little bits of plants. I fucking love it. It is something that I'll see a wrapped gift and go, oh, they're not mucking around. Because when someone is mucking around, you can tell. Because it looks easy until it's shit. Or just rough edges. Oh, mate, don't tell. Because it looks easy until it's shit.

Or just rough edges. Oh, mate, don't even. If that's what your gift wrapping's like, imagine what your lounge room is. Oh, exactly right. Is this what you're like at life? Sorry, do you not give a fuck about anything? So have you quit? Yeah, you just don't care.

You don't pay your bills on time. Are you still trying in this life? Yeah, do you wash your own dishes or do you just use plastic ones and throw them out? Have you showered this year? Yeah, when's the last time you got a haircut? I bet you wear shoes without socks, you know, like a real piece of shit. They are pieces of shit.

I don't care what the fashion says, just feet fucking smell. So this is things you love to see, the real positive, heartwarming, lifting part of the episode. But, like, if you look under a Christmas tree, you know it's mine. Yeah. And, anyway, hashtag gift wrapping. Very highly recommended from Tony Lloyd. That is great.

That's great advice. Thank you. My love to see it today. Last week, I work, my day job is on the radio station, Kiss 111, and it's not really a show. It's music and a lot of prizes and stuff. Yeah, it's great, though. But last Friday, we did what was called Frontline Friday.

Yeah. Where I gave people, frontline workers, staycations because, and people might not know this, Melbourne is still crazy with COVID. Yeah. So people who work in hospitals, stuff like that. Yeah. We're like, let's say thank you to these people. Let's give them a staycation at the Crown Park, you know, really treat them.

Oh, a bit ritzy, bougie. Champagne on arrival, the room service. You know, like, you know, really treat them. Oh, a bit ritzy, bougie. Champagne on arrival, the room service. You know, like, you guys deserve this. Yeah. Every single person I spoke to, probably seven or eight different frontline workers, I don't know why, I was like a throwaway question. I'm always like, oh, so why do you deserve this?

And usually people are like, oh, I've been so busy. Every single one of the frontline workers went, oh, I've been busy, but there's others who have got it harder than me. I'm more than happy for, you know, give it to the nurses at the front. But the nurses at the front are like, no, oh, I've been busy, but there's others who have got it harder than me. I'm more than happy for, you know, give it to the nurses at the front. But the nurses at the front are like, no, no, the surgeons out the back, they need it more than me. And the ambulance people are like, oh, no, not us. Every single person said, oh, there's someone who's got it harder than me.

Like they were super selfless. And were like, you don't have to give it to me if you don't want to. And these are frontline workers who have been doing 18-hour shifts for two fucking years. And actually I sort of stepped back for a moment and went, it wasn't just one person, all of them said that. And you think, geez, that's why they are in the job that they are because they're just such selfless, caring people.

And I really did love to see that. Good job on showing me up on the gift wrapping. Yours is a bit more meaningful. Or just fucking wrap a gift. I mean, you decide. You decide. You could give hard workers a holiday or you could look at gift wrapping on fucking Instagram.

Hey, tomorrow, things you can say to a cop or in the bedroom. Nice. Right at the end. Oh, it wasn't until you fucked it up. Meow.