Toni and Ryan - Submissive Ryan At The Barber

Episode Date: November 26, 2023

Ryan has been DOMINATED somewhere we didn't expect (ie, not the bedroom). Love ya!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm copying grief because we're supposed to have started recording for minutes and I'm just chipping away at a little banana bread here. Yeah, and you took actively another bit and you went, oh, we'll wipe for me. So it's all happening in this professional Tony and Ryan HQ. We're calling Ben who's in Sydney. I'm going to drop a Benny.

Hey. Benny. Hey. Oh, Benny. Hey. Oh, yeah. Hey, it's Tony and Ryan. Tony took a wrist any and it didn't work. Do you cop Benny a lot or does that feel a bit weird? The worst one was Ben 10.

Oh, that was a big show for kids around 15 years ago. Yeah, I get that. Well, thanks for tuning in to Tony and Ryan where we can drag you into the worst memories of your childhood. Yeah, sorry about that. Do you approve the podcast anyway? Obviously, yeah. Thank God. Hey, it's Ben from Sydney and I approve this podcast.

All right, coming up today. Ow! Normally, I love, and this is like a nerdy thing of mine, like creativity stuff. Yeah. I'll like read a blog about creative people's processes and I love seeing like where musicians like used to make their work in the studio and I kind of love seeing the nitty-gritty of creativity. Yeah, I love buying like where musicians like used to make their work in the studio. And I kind of love seeing the nitty gritty of creativity. Yeah.

I love buying new stationery. Yep. Which I feel like is kind of the same. No, but that's your area. It's like the entering stages of like being a new person. Do you think? It's like new blog, new me. Yeah.

It's like new notebook, new me. You know? Now I've got notes on my computer and actually I love getting a new notebook. Should we go analogue? Yeah, but imagine how annoying that would be. Every time you need to edit it, what do you do? Rip the page out and write the whole thing again? Or like, you know what's so good?

Like Command F. Like how you can search your whole computer for something. It's surprisingly hard to Command F in a notebook. And I go, fuck, I think I wrote something about this a few months ago. I know. And then you're there. Yeah. And then you just hire someone and that I wrote something about this a few months ago. I know. And then you're there. Yeah. And then you just hire someone and that's their job.

Like, they just know what. But then you know what they would do? They would just type it up so that they could Command F. Like, it would just be so pointless. It's not worth it. But we all have our things. Yes. We all have our things.

And creativity, I like thinking about it and hearing other people what they're doing. Yep. Oh. Until now. No. I'll get. Until now. No. I'll get to this later. You don't want to hear about my new notebook. No, I do.

That's very funny. I do love, how good are the stationery stores in the US? You know, you can get a real like, in New York or LA, there's some really like nice looking ones. The one in New York that we went into. Oh, my God. Oh, my, like it was down in the village. Yeah.

And I actually had to stop myself from purchasing, like, many a book. Like, Tony, you just bought a house, love. Yeah, but not even that. Tony, you don't have any room for fucking luggage. Stop buying books. Your carry-on's full, mate. Yeah, they're, like, the heaviest thing you could try and buy. Cafes.

You bought a cafe. Stop being creative. Oh, don't do that. They love their chalk pens. Fuck creativity in a cafe stop being creative oh don't do that they love their chalk pens fuck creativity in a cafe and when i explain what happened i think talking about people writing books in a starbucks no i'm writing a screenplay screenplay no i'm talking about the cafes themselves going oh i've got an idea oh and. And when you hear this, I think most people listening to this podcast will shake their head and go, that's fucked. And I think Tony, dare I say it, may dry reach. So, to that lady that messaged us once and said, I hate when Tony does the spewing sound because it makes me spew because she's a sympathy spewer. Yeah, that was Beck.

Yep. Beck. Yep. Fucking drink some cold water, sweetheart. Yeah. Maybe turn off. See you tomorrow, Beck. Listen to the first part of the pod.

Oh, and can you download it? Because that's like how we get the... Yeah, still hit play. Just put the music down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And listen to the ad. Yeah. Don't skip. First though, we've talked about this before. Who's in charge of the hairdresser? Is it the customer? Is it the hairdresser? And we talked extensively about hairdresser Wendy. Yes. Who is in Sydney, who you go in and say what you want and Wendy goes, no. No, she doesn't even listen. You just sit down and she chops.

Oh, that's right. You skip them. Yeah. And she just goes, she looks at you. And goes. Your body shape, shape your face, the type. Oh, thin hair. Yes.

Bit of hair. Okay. This is what you need. I don't even think she tells you. I think she just does it. She starts slicing. Yeah. Slicing and dicing.

And did we, I think listen and dyson and did we i think we we respected it but did we like that or don't make us nervous i i personally wouldn't do that okay but i did swap three hours of sleep for a micro fringe yeah so maybe it would be different depending on the circumstances if wendy rocked up in a 50 hour live stream yeah then have you with me wendy i think you're just gonna to do what she says. Yes. But I think that, because we've talked a lot about like the awkwardness of a hairdresser. Yeah. Like breaking up with a hairdresser or like being honest. It's the same when the nail lady is like, oh, do you like that colour? And you go, I actually picked red and you've just shown me blue. But like, yeah, love it. Sure, sure. Yeah. Also,

side note, I think you and my wife, Bridget, have talked about there might be a hairdresser change in our family. It's been some beef. Huh? With? Yeah. Really? Oh, I've got to talk to Bridget. Yeah.

She did not talk to you about that. No. Maybe we'll put that on the podcast soon. Yeah. Yeah. Written. Yeah. I'm actually glad to hear that.

As you know, the recent exodus. And there's goss and beef and goss and beef. Got to birth. But first, less about my wife. Well, no, you've hooked me through into that. More about me. Okay, sorry. Guys, I've been wended.

You got wended? I got wended by a barber. Oh. It looks good. No? When I went to the barber last, I go in and I went, hey, mate, 0.5 on the sides and two on top oh so you know what you get well because i'm new to the shaved hair they kind of because the shave take a mean anything

well not anything but like well what they're like to the bone yeah to the yeah yeah and so i just remember last time i got um bad to the bone bad to the bone um 0.5 on the sides and two on the top and i went okay that's. I'll just remember those numbers. Because, yeah, they just get the clips out and go, great. What do you want? And, like, as a hairdresser, when I did your hair. Oh, sorry. So, when I initially, I think I did a four on the top.

Yeah. Then a three. Yep. And then I think I did a one on the sides. I think it needed to be shorter. So, I'm glad that you've changed to the point five and the two. So, I say point five and a two. And he just goes, no, we'll do 4. Oh.

Oh, my God. Tony was right. See? He said Tony had it right the first time. He didn't need to listen to me more, and I've always said that. Yeah, although the short on the sides, yep, and then, like, the faded up, and it wasn't like a, oh, I think he just goes- What about- He just goes, no, we'll do 4.

Was he really cool? He was, oh, my God. He was Brazilian, I think he just goes, no, we'll do four. Was he really cool? He was, oh, my God. He was Brazilian, I believe, and he was fucking huge. Do you know what's so good? Brazilian barbecue. You know when you go and you do the lap of Brazilian is what it's called in Perth, and you go and they just say it's all you can eat. Haven't had that much meat in me since Leavers.

I've made that joke so many times, and it just kills me every time thank you my favorite joke um so he was pretty cool and i'd say intimidated to be like okay so he was six foot six his shoulders were the width of a food truck and each individual finger looked like a chorizo oh yum so yum. So, he just looked like he could destroy it. Like, we're on good terms, even though he was, like, just laying down the law. But that's good. That's a good friend. That's good. But, like, you wouldn't want to fuck with this guy because he just grabbed you with his hand and just crushed you.

Split you open. Yeah. But in the right time. Cam's raising his eyebrows and nodding along. Look on Cam's face. Oh, he's like, so where was this barber? Might have a visit. Now, I was trying to act cool in front of the Brazilian barber because he was like a cool and he was a fucking good looking rooster. This is the thing. We get intimidated by cool people and then we do

whatever they say. That's why I spend so much money on Shea. I'll get a two, get a four. Four's good. I love four. Four's a favourite number. Did I say two? I meant four. And so, both of us have been known at times to be sufferers of a little bit of dandruff, a little bit of snow. Yep. Black t-shirts, not our friends. Tony's wearing a black jumper right now.

Actually, I just want to give yourself a little... There you go. Oh, good. Thank you. No snow in this town. Do you know why I like Chicago? Because it was snowing. Yeah.

And it actually, for the first time in my life, was snowing, not dandruff. Sometimes it's snowing in here and you go, I've heard enough. And I go, no, it's snowing. Yeah. Fuck. And so, you know, often the hairdressers, they know right away and they maybe suggest a treatment or blah, blah, blah. And I thought he said, well, it's not what he said, it's how he said it. This is how I thought he said it.

I thought he said, after looking at the top of my head. Yeah. Oh, shampoo? Sure. Like, do you want a shampoo? That's how I heard him say it. Yeah. But it turns out this is how he said it.

Oh, shampoo. Oh, he's telling you. Subtle difference. And then he just points to the thing. And it's like an extra, you know, they put the special treatment in the head massage and whatever. Yeah. And he just like points at, you know, there's like a separate little trough and whatever. And it wasn't a, like, would you like it? Oh, did you want to do the treatment? Oh, shampoo over there. And I go. When was the last time that you washed your hair before you went there?

Why would you ask a question like that? Like, not like, not just a rinse in the shower, but I mean, like, a proper shampoo. I don't know. But one thing is with, this is going to sound really bad. No, but one thing is with, this is going to sound really bad. When you got a shaved head, you kind of like forget about that sort of shit. Well, like when you don't have luscious locks, you can't tell if it's been a while. So, do you soap your body?

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I mean, but I was like- It's still skin. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not defending. I'm just saying that sometimes I don't think, oh, like when I had longer hair, you run your hair through and you go, oh, it's probably time for a shampoo. Yeah, and I'm not defending. I'm just saying that sometimes I don't think, oh, like when I had longer hair, you run your hair through it and you go, oh, it's probably time for a shampoo.

Yeah, sure. Because when you're shaped, it feels the same all the time anyway. Yeah. So, it doesn't remind, the body doesn't remind you on its own. So, we go over there and we do the treatment and whatever and I can just, you know, I can feel the tab running up, but I can also feel these thick hands on my hands. Yeah.

Did he do the massage? Yeah. Oh, that's good. But it was also like, how do I say? So, I like a bit of pressure. Yeah. So, you know it's real, you know. But it was also like just a bit too much,

just so he was letting everyone know who's in charge. He's the boss, yeah. So, I was like, I know you're relaxing and you are relaxed, but not too relaxed because I could crush a skull. Were you chatting during the appointment? No, because of what happened next. Oh, okay. So, the wash finishes, we get back to the thing.

Yeah. And he goes, so, it was a four, wasn't it? And I go, yeah. Well, bro, that's what you taught me. So, I just go, yep. And he goes, yep. You're like, well, bro, that's what you taught me. So, I just go, yep. And he goes, yes. Please? He made me say, sir.

Like, he's like, yes. And I'm like, yes, yes, sir. And then he nodded and was like, yes. Oh, my God. Is that wild shit? Is that crazy? Was that like power trippy shit or was that just like a respect thing? It's kind of-

I think- You know when you give a kid something and you kind of do that, you almost start the next word. Like you give them something- Thank you. And then they say thank you and it's kind of like you're teaching them. So, when I said yes, he did the yes- Like the leading- Leading me to say sir.

And I go, sir, yes, sir. And he went like nodding. And he didn to say, sir. And I go, sir, yes, sir. And he went, like, nodding. And he didn't say the words good boy, but it was like a nod of, like, good boy. We know who's in charge here. And I almost expected him to be like, by the way, my name is Pappy. I mean. So, we respected Wendy. Are we like, yeah, this guy knows who's boss?

Or are we like, what the fuck's going on here? I just- Is he not in control at home? Does he need to take it out in the workplace? Is he just a professional doing his job? I would just feel really bad. Personally, like, I would feel really bad to be like, oh, I mean, like, I didn't call you, sir, but, like, oh, don't say that.

Like- Well, I'm on the record as liking a sir, but I didn't like it. It was like he reached into my throat with his big hands and pulled it out. That's different. Yeah. That's not that. Oh, yeah. Cheers, sir.

Thanks, sir. Thank you, sir. Did you complain? Are you joking? I wouldn't complain anyway, ever. But I'm just wondering. Again. Yeah.

Mechanical device. My head. True. Hands the size of teresos that could crush a skull could have been a real sweeney todd moment they just slashed your throat yeah like i was like well in any moment i could have said the wrong thing and he just got a like just like a casual sleeper hold you know i'll just squeeze you here and just where did you go you're getting your haircut in jail? Fuck. But no, he got a nice tip and I won't be going back. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. It did look good though.

Thank you. Just remember the four and go somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah. I'll take the four with me. Yeah. And I'll shampoo myself. Yeah.

And thank you very much for coming. Hey, it's Ben from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Jacob Gibbs. Good on you, Jacob. Thanks, Gibbsy. Ryan Fielder. Fielder.

Oh, sorry. Ryan Fielder. Fielder. Oh, sorry. Ryan Fielder. Fielder. I hardly know her. Renee Nook. Nookie. Emily Chatterton. Chatters.

Chatter, Tony and Ryan. Captain Christopher Pike. Pikey. And Jay Shah. Shah. Shah, Shah. The big J. Which was the first name and where did the second name start?

Jay Shah. It's one name. Jay-sha. J-S. Jay-shawn. Sean-a-polt. Jay-shawn-drull-o. Guys, cafes need to get over being creative.

Oh, I don't know about this because we're all for creativity here. I'm sick of sounding like a fuckhead when I order a very vanilla latte. Oh. Don't you laugh, Cameron? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'm embarrassed ordering a very vanilla latte anyway because I'm a masculine manly alpha dog. Yes, sir. Why are you all laughing? As we heard from you getting your hair cut. Yeah, and so getting

a vanilla latte is already like a step away from where I'd like to be. But then when it's called a- This is a Gloria Jeans, by the way, for those playing along. A very vanilla latte. And it's a very vanilla latte, which is apparently different to a latte with a shot of vanilla because it's like- It's very vanilla. It's very vanilla. Didn't you know?

But the thing is, I'm like, I sound like a fuckhead asking for it the person working they're just doing their job they didn't come up with the name yep he's and i go hi mate um i want a latte with the vanilla but like is the very vanilla what's the difference and he goes yeah so the very vanilla latte has the fucking infused some bullshit and it's actually fucking on point when you need it and um so like enough for me to go through with asking for it. Yeah, and you've already talked to someone about it. So, I think that's fine. Oh, no, but, like, he was embarrassed explaining it.

And he's also just like, yeah, it's called very vanilla. Yeah, so, he hates it. And, like, so, I'm- And this has been a beef of mine for years. And that's why I'm like- Especially when you're travelling around, it's like I know that I like a latte and wherever I go, I can just order a latte.

That's what I'm going to get, yep. I thought Gloria Jeans was edging towards the line, but I'm here to tell you that am I allowed to just fucking name and shame a place? Sure. There's a place in Venice where I've been staying with the family called Cafe Gratitude, and that should be a clue to the wanky names of shit that came my way.

Now, just to- Venice is quite a hip place. Yeah. It's quite hip. And there's a lot of interesting characters around. So, I got a salad. F's quite hip. There's a lot of interesting characters around. So, I got a salad. Frag about it. I got, what's that?

Yeah, it's so hard to even. So, two coffees, a salad, and I think Bridget got like a bagel or something. Sure. So, like from a cafe, pretty standard. Fair. Yeah. Two coffees, bagel, and, yeah. Yeah. Two coffees, bagel and a salad. Yeah.

Fuck me up. Can you look at the items? Because I got this on Uber Eats. Oh, so you didn't have to say the names to anyone? Well. So, you didn't have to say the name to anyone? I did because when the Uber guy dropped it off, he go- Because a lot of people are like doing three deliveries at once and they're also Uber Eats and they're door dashing and they're like-

Yep. And so, the car rocks up and there's like- it's fucking Christmas. There's bags everywhere. Yeah. And so, he goes, oh, I just needed to check. Did you get the- and that's when I went, fuck me up. And you know what? If I had have seen this place and annoyingly, it was actually quite nice. But like you could not go in store and order this. So I was like Uber Eats is like the cheats way of getting the shit without saying it. Yeah. It's also like the same when you do Uber Eats and you get like two burgers instead of one.

You just. Yeah. No one's going to judge you because you have to talk to someone. And I don't know how many people are inside. Just order a second drink. Yeah. Who gives a shit? Fuck.

I'm handing Tony my phone. All right. Oh no. Oh fuck no. Oh, fuck no. What's the first one, which is the salad? I can't. I actually can't say this. That's the salad call, which is the top one.

I am magical. Cam? And then the next thing down is i am patient so i think i am patient was like the um maybe it was like a green tea or a matcha so the i am patient next to it says gf gluten-free yes um so maybe that was the salad maybe i don't know then the next thing is i am mystical i think that was the coffee with or something um yep because that's got almond milk. Yep. Oh, house made almond milk.

I am almond. And I am light was the. What's the I am light? That was the another coffee because house made hemp milk. I am hemp. Yep. You tipped him nicely. I am rich.

I would have fucking sent him a tip and just been like, hey, bro, I wouldn't know. You got a tip? Yeah. Get some fucking basic names. Could you imagine walking into- Hey, yeah, I'll get the- I'm magical.

And the- Like actually walking in there and you're like- And like I said, the food was annoyingly good. Like annoyingly enough good that we were, like, we'd, you know, we'll probably get back there. But actually, I don't think I can because could you imagine in person saying that? It's even like, you know, when you go to, like,

an Italian restaurant or something and everything is, like, it's called, it's, like, Italian name. At least that's what it's called, though. Yeah, but, like like you feel like a dick being like can i get the um and you don't know whether to do like the catch your pepe or whether you go like i don't know to put on a racist accent or not no but that's not right no because it's like it's worse no but it's like do you do you do you back it in or do you just go like, oh, can I get the K-Showy pee-pee, which is worse than doing the, like, pronouncing it correctly?

Do you think, and so I was like, this is obviously awful. And, yeah, you felt the pain in the atone place. But I'm like, if we worked there for a day, do you think we could have the greatest day of our life? Because we would, I would just all day, they would like, oh, yeah, I am magical. I'm like, cool story, mate. Can I get you a coffee?

And just say that joke over and over and over. Oh, thanks for letting me know. Would you like a salad? I haven't seen Harry Potter, sorry. Thanks for letting me know, though. When they say, like, I am magical. Sorry, yeah, sorry. I haven't seen Harry Potter, sorry. Thanks for letting me know, though. When they say, like, I am magical. Oh, sorry, yeah. Sorry, I haven't seen Harry Potter, so.

I'm lucky that I am patient, though. That is just- I am mystical. I am light. That's enough for me. So, do you agree now that, like, they've probably gone, oh, this is a really creative idea? And you go, yeah, just fucking put the name on it, dog.

Do you reckon that they've run out of things to say? Like, every time they want to put something new on the menu, they go, fuck, I can't think of something else to call it. We just go to Thesaurus and type in, like, grateful and just see the different words that come up. But, like, you know what I mean? Do you reckon that they've run out of things and they go, oh, like, let's take this off the menu and we'll replace it with that

because we've got, like, only so many things that we can say? Should we do it? Okay. And I know we've been on the road for a while and Tony's just killing a life, as you can hear. Thanks. But mini quiz. I'm going to say three dishes and you are the naming,

director of naming at Cafe Gratitude. Okay. The head of naming. They've come out with a pepperoni pizza. I am pepped. That's good. Yeah. That's real good.

That's better than theirs. Yeah. They've come out with a baby Chino. I am. How do you spell that, do reckon for the menu yeah can i get that with hold the baby and if yeah good from the other day yeah and um oh maybe they've got a special for people that have done lots of meet and greets lots of flights and they're fucking almost at the end of their tether. Is that what you're going to say? Yes.

Yeah. I am finished. I am no longer whimsical. Okay. He's formally known as whimsical. I was whimsical. I was, yeah. Whimsical.

Have you got it? You'll love to see it, Tony. Absolutely. Dead Fred. Sorry to hear that. Sorry'll love to see it, Tony. Absolutely. Dead Fred. Sorry to hear that. Sorry, mate. Sent this to us on Patreon and said, it finally happened to me. And I was like, oh, no.

I was listening to the 50-hour live stream episode. You know when we did like a best of episode of like all of our favourite bits? Yeah. And when I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru window, I always pause my music when ordering because I'm not a fuckhead. Yeah. But when I pulled up to the window to take my food, Tony began belting out the dirty version of Calvin Harris.

And if my voice didn't sound the way that it does, I would absolutely re-belt that. I can't right now. Maybe for the Christmas episode. As like a, as we sing into the break. Into the new year. Yeah. I'm living on such sweet foreskin, I believe was the lyrics. I'm sucking. I'm sucking on your feet. Was it foreskin or testicles? I'm sucking on your sweet foreskin. Jeez, you do sound great. Yeah.

Thank you. My Love to See It is from Tapa Callie Gibson. Hi, Callie Gibson. Our local children's hospital have installed a cinema complete with hospital beds and wheelchair spaces for the kiddos that can't get to one. So, when they're apparently like seeing the latest movie, it's like something to look forward to. It's what everyone's talking about. And when you're in hospital, it's like the last thing, you know. You could go and do. You can go and do.

Especially if you're like siblings are able to go see the newest movie and then you go, oh, I want to see it. So, have a look here, Tony. It's like the medi-cinema and it's all colourful and stuff and then you can see in the front row there's all those hospital beds so they can just like wheel them in, pop them there and if they need to be hooked up to something, they can and they can enjoy all the latest movies.

That's so cool. It's fucking cool. What a great idea. Yeah, and you think, like, you know, not a lot to look forward to and often a lot of tension and anxiety. You're not sure what's going to happen. But having something, oh, this Sunday I get to watch that movie and go in the cinema.

Just, like, makes you feel, like, a bit more normal as well, I reckon. Yeah, absolutely. So, thanks, Kelly. That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. Thanks for sharing that, Kelly. All right. Tomorrow, confessions.

I'm just going to read you a first line. Okay. When I was a horny teenager, I had my evening wank each night. Beautiful. And everything was great until I started to smell smoke. And that's all I'll leave you with. I mean, when you go too hard. Fuck me. Yeah. Yeah. He's really going for it. Yeah. But that's tomorrow. So leave you with I mean when you go too hard Fuck me Yeah

Yeah He's really going for it Yeah woo But that's tomorrow So we'll chat to you then Love you bye