Toni and Ryan - SUN and SUNGLASSES: A Conspiracy

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Boat party warning - Anti-pest-o - That's Life - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcastHALARA UNIQUE LINK  - Get 10% off with code TARP10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Isn't it crazy how if you were drawing the sun, you'd probably draw it with sunglasses on, but the sun is the only person that doesn't need sunglasses. A cup need sunglasses because it could see the sun. But the sunglasses is how you know it's cool, which ironically is the opposite of the sun. I reckon that the sun would definitely be wearing... Think about that, you guys. Okay, out of all the ridiculous shit you've said in the last minute, that wasn't one of it, definitely would be. Hey, guys, this is Grace H from the Beach State.

This is Katie from Lapeer, Michigan. I'm Bennett from Sydney, Australia, and I approve this podcast. It's Wednesday, Wednesday. Gotta suck my dick on Wednesday. That's what Ryan says to me on a Wednesday, Wednesday. I guess what day it is. Guess what time it is? Time to 69.

Time for a dinner for two. Yeah, nice. I reckon that's what they say at Bingo Loco. I'm going to give an extra clue about our birthday. Not approved. Not approved. It's not at a bingo loco. It probably should be.

Yeah. And in hindsight, I wish it was, but it's not at a bingo loco. I don't know what we're going to do with bingo loco, but it's so up in my Instagram algorithm right now. People are sending me bingo-loco stuff. It looks like bingo, that is loco. Is it for you? I think it looks really fun.

And I think that your summation of it being bingo, that's loco, is so accurate and they should have named it better. But I think that I am going to make a stand and purposely not go to bingo loco because everybody keeps telling me to go to bingo loco. Oh, so you don't like being told. Well, I don't think you should. Oh, I want to come. All right, how about this? I'll go to Bingo Loco. No, I want to go.

And then I'll tell you if it's worth your time. Hot Ash from Perth told me that you can win a pink guitar like Taylor Swift. And you're not going to go to that? Well, that's what's, you know, I'm edging bingo loco. But then I see the videos and it looks very intense, doesn't it? Oh, you got to be ready. even be able to concentrate on the bingo? Yeah.

I don't think it's about the bingo. Then how do you win? It's loco. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear. Like how are you able to concentrate on the bingo if people are flipping and flopping all about? Chapter. Another clue coming up for our party, which is this Saturday shortly.

but first a tarpa has said if you're going to a boat party I have a warning for you sometimes things just come at the right time because as suggested yesterday we're going on a boat party on Saturday and also so are a bunch of tarpers Yep first drinks on us

if they can find us I'm a semi-professional dancer and I work in childcare in between Oh my God Over Christmas We had a Christmas party on a boat And if anyone knows anyone Who works in childcare

They'll tell you the work parties Can get loose Those innocent people taking care of your children They fucking know how to party Well because they work so hard all year And get paid like shit Same as teachers Yeah blow off some steam

Go get it I remember once Sorry this is a little bit off topic I remember once like I'd been staying at school late Because I had like band practice or something and I sure man

right oh same I was in the band I genuinely like I wish that was me being like yeah no I was sucking off a boy at school I wasn't I was genuinely there for anyway and I remember walking like I think I had to take a key back

to the front office or something like when you're the captain you have to like you know lock the room after and stuff like that. I wasn't the band captain I was the choir captain. It sounds like being the captain is just chores.

They're not going to let me on the boat plus I had to take a key back to the front office. I walked past the staff room and it was like 5pm. I have never heard a funner room in my, it was like bingo loco was happening in the staff room.

They were going, they were laughing and I was like, these aren't the same. teachers that yell at us every day. It is. You know? I'm a champagne bottle shop. Remember that?

Well, I yelled at Tony this morning. Oh, me too. Yeah. She's such a journalist. Yeah. Yeah. But, and I was like, oh, okay. Pop off, sis, literally.

And yes, I think it's like, my sister's a teacher. And the most hungover I've ever seen her in her life was after her staff party like years and years ago. There you go. Yeah. They turn it up. Yeah.

Teachers, fuck. So the tarpa says, We were supposed to be helping, you know, those little, like, rowboats where you, like, drive yourself? Oh, like, on the yard, you can get, like, a go boat? Yeah. And you just, like, steer it. So I don't know where on the scale of full ship with a captain to paddling your own canoe. It's somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

Was it a stand-up paddle board? No. But we were supposed to be helping drive, says the Tapper. Oh, well, that doesn't sound. Yeah. So we cruised into a sandbar And just got stuck So like there's a bit where it's a bit more shallow

And they just And they kind of just like wedged in And they were stuck there So we're stuck in the sun With heaps of booze And a bunch of us and we're like Oh I guess we'll just have to fucking stay on the boat Until like someone comes and pulls us out of the sandbar

Or the tide like comes in and like Yeah so they're just like okay well Sorry Lucky we brought the episode so we may as well just fucking settle in. I just want to remind everyone that this Saturday Tony will be wearing a captain's hat. That is terror.

Could they see the shore? Like how far out were they? Do you know what I mean? I would have swum back, I think. Do you know what I would do? I would put the rope that the anchor was on in my mouth and like swim back and pull the boat. That's what I would do. I would pay you to see that.

Same. A lot of money. A lot of money. Yeah. Get some fucking local currency, mate, because. Yeah. In your red swimsuit as well. How heavy?

I already sent you a photo of me in the red swimsuit. How heavy do you think an anchor is considering what its job is? It might not be heavy. It might just be pointy. You like that? Well, if it wasn't heavy, how would it get to the bottom? But it might just, you know, I might just like somewhere. We stayed stuck drinking in the sun all day and I got so sunburned.

Oh, no, fuck. Because I was so wasted, I didn't even notice until the next morning when I got up, put the shower on, jumped in the hot water and it felt like a thousand rays. of blades were stinging my back, like lava pouring over my person. I was so red-hot. Screaming, flailing, dramatic. I'm in the shower, giving the full performance. Oh, I hate being sunburn.

I think it's the, it's the, I am so scared of getting sunburn as well. There's also just nothing more humbling than being, like, like, like, because you just looked like fuckhead. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were better than the environment. Like you thought you were tougher than the sun, the fucking sun. Yeah.

Come on. Wrong person to pick a fight with. So true. Isn't it crazy how if you were drawing the sun, you'd probably draw it with sunglasses on, but the sun is the only person that doesn't need sunglasses? Think about that, you guys. There are so many things I can say about that sentence.

Yeah. Do I bother or do I just let that one go? What? No. Like what? First of all, if you think the sun doesn't wear sunglasses, then we're hanging out with different suns. Because the sunglasses is how you know it's cool,

which ironically is the opposite of the sun. Red hot. I realized. But it's the only thing that doesn't need sunglasses. No, because a cup needs. sunglasses because it could see the sun, but the sun is the only thing that wouldn't need sunglasses. But it needs them so that you know that it's cool. I reckon that the sun would

definitely be wearing Rayban Wayfarers. Okay, out of all the ridiculous shit you've said in the last minute, that wasn't one of it, definitely would be. Like 100%. I realized I was dancing in our group's Christmas dance show in three days and I looked like a lobster. My sun burned tomato red shoulders were about to steal the show for all the wrong reasons. Fuck, and you like, you can get so tight? Like,

how would you even dance? And so her dance costume was like a strapless number, but she was wearing like a singlet top. So she had like the white line. She was just like, oh, just, in desperation,

I googled how to get rid of these red shoulders. And it turned out the only logical solution was sliced tomatoes. And you're always saying that. So I laid on my bed, fully naked, head to toe in thinly sliced tomatoes, placed all over my body. I look like an anti-pesto platter gone rogue. Anti-pasto. Anti-pasto. Anti-pasto.

Pesto? Big Pesto! There's no Pesto here. I am anti-Pesto. I'm actually so pro Pesto because we've got Basel growing and we're just making Pesto all the fucking time. Imagine if you're a, you're in a Jalian pest removal and you got, we are anti-Pesto. That is a great name for a business. Yeah.

I've forgotten what the real word is, antipasto. Who cares? It's anti-pesto as far as some I'm concerned. Yeah, me too. We're actually from the anti-pesto lobby. I've never heard that tomato on Sunburn. And that, my fellow tarpers, was the exact moment my now ex-boyfriend walked in to seeing me marinating there on the bed.

And he said, I'm actually. Andy Pesto I won't deal with this he just stood there silently taking in the sight of his girlfriend marinating in produce was it a weird sight

yes maybe maybe but did it work surely not no but would I do it again no no and will I ever take advice on some strangers on the internet again probably yes

Yeah, that has to be a yes Because sometimes they hit the advice online Yeah, yeah Most of the time though it is a tomato on a sunburn I wish everyone this weekend To have a great time But please wear sunscreen

That is great advice And from a stranger on the internet That is advice I will take That is good advice Anti-sunburn Anti-Besto Hey guys This is Greece

from the Peach State. This is Katie from Lapeer, Michigan, USA. Hi, I'm Bernadette from Sydney, Australia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you. We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantic series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry,

Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Yeah. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying? A forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five, one in the city, one on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons? Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real-life people, and that's okay.

That's fine. Totally fine. Before Tony reads out, the champ in tarpins, just wanted to show you new business. That's really good. It's just a pest with a... A red line through it and it says anti-pesto for those listening along at home. And we are anti-pesto. I'm so anti-pesto.

We got ants in our kitchen yesterday. Anti-pesto. You got antis in your panties. That's how I'd say ants in your pants. Because you said panties. It was like knickers. Like, you wouldn't want ants in your knickers. No.

But isn't the word panties just... Yeah, see, but... Yeah. And, like, in America, you know how they say it in, like... No, I can't even... Say it. If I can describe what sloppy pancake fucking is, you can say that word. In the accent?

Yeah. No, and in a sentence. A sentence. Yeah. My greatest fear. No. I'm anti-scenty. Sorry, I'm never

Do you want No, I can't Everyone's just pulled over They're driving to work They can't be driving Machine when Tony says this If you're on the treadmill Step off

This is going to be harrowing Do you want to see my panties? Sorry, I'm so sorry I'm really sorry Do you want to see my panties? You don't? It's the tongue for me The tongue out was an editorial decision

Oh, are we talking about I loved it It wasn't you as the word You know what I mean? You don't blame the actor For the character Pretending You don't hate the guy that played Bain

Sorry, I don't even know who that is Tom Hardy Is he? Yeah I mean I'm only sitting him with the snake on his face put a snake on sophie's face so much how has your bane accent

do you know that they had to like they've like remastered that movie heaps of times and like change the bane because every time they're like oh it's it's too hard to understand still it is yeah but like they've changed it heaps of times the most important line in the movies and everyone's like what the fuck did he say

literally yeah oh I'll see you next time Was I see you next time, Batman? Yeah. That was good. I'm just looking at Tom Hardy. Yeah, wow, okay.

I get it. Did you not know about Tom Hardy? Nah. Oh, dude. Yeah, he's... Yeah. Hello, Tom Hardy. Okay.

Now, last week we met... A big thanks to a few of our chairby. Sorry. Sorry, I've just got to do a little bit of work and then we can get having fun. Olivia Parks... The next bit's not that fun. Oh, okay. It's a bit of a welfare check, but you go.

Oh, okay. Olivia Parks. Good on you. Does she? Olivia Ray. Two Olivia's. Do you reckon they know each other? Ryan. Lauren Smith? You fingered her. Danielle Keough. I didn't plan that, by the way. Gerdra Sue. Callie Peterson. Good on you, Kelly. Stevie Lee, Lister Best. If I can save some names for the rest of us. And Rebecca Johnson. Good on you. Thanks, Becky Jay. Becky J. Your fave. Well, that would be Becky G. That's what I just said. you have to listen um so the other day i had i had a meeting with a guy named ryan

i was doing comedy and tony just goes oh did you talk about it was it weird i was doing comedy and then i was like oh like did one of you acknowledge it mine's like it's really not that weird like just i was not having a bar of it and i was another guy had the same name is me oh but like did someone say it would mean so awkward i'm not really i was doing comedy obviously well i'm glad you're doing comedy and in a good mood because remember the other day you were had a vulnerable day and you asked torbs if he could stay for the day yeah um and i believe you offered him a cooked roast to suck dick in three thousand dollars and he still said no he still said no um because he's in work uh work in sydney at the moment is that right he was yeah he was flying to

Sydney. I was like, stay here. But I didn't realize just how bad it was at your house. Because is it true that your sister brought around a That's Life magazine? Yeah, while I was sick. Is it all right? Because that's bottom of the barrel shit right there. No. When I didn't, like, I was like, oh, you know, I miss him.

Yeah, but I'm like, that's Life magazine is fucking like. No, my, um, I mean, love her, but did, I mean, this is just going to make you feel bad. I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, but my mum, when she was sick, all she wanted was like, um, what's the blue Smith's like original chips, like just the salt? and so that's all she would eat and so she would get buy that and a magazine from the shops like when she had the flu or whatever

and that was like just her thing and she'd be like well I never get to just sit down and like fucking read a stupid magazine and so that was why my sister brought that for me right um did a what

and did you feel better for the that's life or did it make you feel worse what do you mean like if someone like if I was in a bit of a bad mood and someone was like Ryan do you want it that's Life magazine I'd be like fuck I didn't realize I was being that bad oh my god

no I thought it was like so silly because the fucking magazine is so silly what's in it oh soph well could I borrow it after yeah absolutely are you okay so it is actually fun to sit down and read those like the fucking headline on the front is like I had to kidnap someone because they were going to blow up a bank and shit like

They're just like always... Like, it's really... Like, it's so silly. I didn't realize it was crazy shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know why you... It's not like bad.

It's like hilarious. Or it's like, this lasagna saved my life and shit like that. Okay, I take back everything I said. Yeah. Next week on the show, from wherever we are. Can you... Will we allowed to take that with us? Well, I'll be taking it on the plane.

Yeah, but would you have to... If we're going on. Would you have to declare that when we arrived? Well, I don't want to because the person might take it off me. That's what I mean. They might go, oh, that looks awesome. I want to read it. They go literature from Australia.

And I go, we're in Australia now. I'm so panicked about what to say about where we're going. No, I know. That's why I'm like trying not to say anything and then I say, I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, we have another clue. It's a brand new day, which I, of course, had ready to go. I actually do have it ready to go if you would like me to do it. This is a good one.

Okay, you've got it. No, you go, though. No, after you. That's like. Our party is on Saturday. The first clue was people think it's the capital, but it's not. Monday, we've read the flag includes white. Yesterday's clue.

The locals love their sushi. Today's clue. It's a great time for a steam. All times a great time for a steam, in my personal humble opinion, but... It's a great time for a steam. The party is this Saturday. it is on a boat, wear sunscreen. Yep, maybe.

Might be cold. We don't know. We don't know. We don't. I still would still wear sunscreen. Yeah, I mean, you should wear it every day. Is that true that you should wear it every day? Because I would just assume you'd just get like oily skin after a while or...

Nah, it's like wearing it on your face every day. Like I would wear sunscreen in my face pretty much. every day. Yeah. But no, you don't get oily skin. Well, I mean, you have to like wash your face well. Like if you cleanse your face each day, then obviously you'll. But I think wearing sunscreen, like on your whole body every day,

that would probably be pretty intense. I guess depending if your job, if you were outside for your job, I guess you would get used to it. So even if you're like, because I like we work inside, you live inside. Your house is indoors. Like, honestly, pop up. Like, there's still benefits, though. Your car is indoors.

Yeah. But, like, I think it's supposed to cover you from, like, if you walk out to your car or you go out and, you know. I also just like, I think it's the habit that if each day you put it on or whatever, like, I don't know. I'm not a fucking scientist. You're just a measly doctor. Yeah.

I've got to you love to see it and I actually didn't realize this was a thing as we've been on YouTube what, three or four weeks now a bit longer YouTube is like now this is like

probably how obvious the people that used it every day but I just hadn't really thought about it sure YouTube is like embedded within Palaton if you want it to be and so Tarpas Sarah said now I watch your show every morning

like on the Palaton screen while I'm doing my workout that is crazy futuristic speaking of habits what does uh james clear of atomic habits like to talk about habit stacking habit stacking i've read the book so you put a good thing in something that you like want to do i you want to get on the bike and you go oh well if i get on the bike i get to watch tony and ryan and so suddenly it doesn't feel like such a chore to get on the bike well because you go oh i get to listen to that thing i like whatever yeah and so it's like she's watching it in the screen and she's like so now that's my routine every morning i watch you guys while i'm doing

my workout. So the longer the episode is, the better for Sarah. Oh, the worse. Maybe depending on what way you look at it. Absolutely. And now, I don't know if I'm asking too much here, but I would love to do a thread in our Facebook group because we are on YouTube now. And I love seeing that photo last week of like the baby on the floor and they're having the morning coffee watching the show. Where are you watching the show? Oh, if you're watching on YouTube? Yeah. Like, is it on the screen in the gym is it on your palaton are you watching it on your phone i don't know how you'll take a photo of that but oh yeah just a screenshot yeah oh yeah no context uh but i would love it if you shared that and like actually well to put it on instagram and just tag us because i'm just held curious now that's

like a visual thing yeah how people are getting creative and watching the show yeah but also if you're listening you can show us where you're listening as well yeah like you know so sure Like everyone's allowed to join in So Sarah Ponzini Now I actually read that as Ponzi scheme The first time I read it She's not I'm not buying anything No no no no but thank you for sharing that

I really fucking love to see it Oh Sophie did you have something to say Well as I missed last week I was catching up watching the first hot take Tony Which as we discussed I was listening And then I needed to have a good look at it So I whipped out YouTube on my phone I was on a packed peak hour train

What? So like Girl in there I was spying probably over my shoulder I got to see Tony and her get up. Yeah, advertising. I'll take it. Free advertising.

If you're on the train, just give a quick whip round, let everyone see. Although I've heard from two young ladies, I know that you often don't pay attention to other people on the train, as evidenced by the two of you sitting next to each other on the train once and not noticing the other was there for five stops.

Because we were both listening to the pod so intently. We were both so into Tony and I in the podcast that, you know, we weren't taking anything in. Speaking of all of this, though, I think that my, you love to see it ties in perfectly because I got a message from Tarp or Lisa on Patreon and she said,

you love to see it on a form I had to fill in. It asked me for what my hobbies were and I put laughing. I love that. Me too. Isn't that so cute? I've got heaps of hobbies. I love to laugh.

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that so sweet? Laughing. I just thought that was so fucking cute. I'll tell you my favorite category of comedy. is forms because you can have fun there

like that so once Bridget was in hospital and I was like the next of kin person and it was like what's your relationship to the person

and I wrote lover yeah right comedy yeah and she's writing that on a form comedy form comedy yeah

and you just don't even expect it who'd like a form today Do you know a form? Sure. Form comedy. Okay. That's my area now. Oh, good.

I'm glad. I'll bring some tomorrow. But I love that, Lisa. Thank you for sharing that. I thought that was like so wholesome. That is cute. Yeah. Guess what day it is tomorrow?

Thank God. Normal honor. Also, you know how we weren't overly successful in the segment of what celebrities have the same birthday as our podcast. Speak for yourself. There were heaps the day before and the day after. Tomorrow we've decided to do, because the podcast is turning four,

we're doing a segment called What Was in the News when Tony and Ryan were four? Yes, like the year we turned four. How's your year looking? It's good. Yeah? I like it. Okay.

Mine's looking a little dry Oh Yeah Well I mean when the biggest news of the year Is you getting born Four years ago Oh yeah I was like you're not four now

And you're not So you know All good Okay bye Bye