Toni and Ryan - SUP Negotiation

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

THE PANIC HAS SET IN AND NEGOTIATION IS NECESSARY. LOVE YA! Toni xox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Yeah, we're calling a local, Vanessa, who is in Pakenham, which is on the outskirts of Melbourne. And there's a suburb just to the north of Pakenham. And I'll get Vanessa to tell you the name of it. And this is not made up. It's not a joke. This is actually what the place is called. Oh, my God.

Hello, Tony and Ryan. Hello, Vanessa. How are you doing? Good. How are you guys? We're good. Now, I haven't told Tony the name of the suburb, but what is, how would I say this, slightly north of Pakenham?

What's that area called? Officer? Damn it. No. Damn it. Is it not called Pakenham Upper? That's one of it, no. Damn it. Is it not called Pakenem Upper? That's one of them, yeah.

There's a thousand Pakenems now. Oh, Vanessa, and you went with Officer. Jesus Christ. I thought Brian was going about one of these stupid ways of asking where someone lives. So I was like, Officer? There's a place called Pakenem. You know he does that roundabout kind of thing?

He does do that. But, Vanessa, I stick up for Ryan very rarely, but you fuck that up. I did. I did. I did. I hardly know it. And then I was like, oh, na-na-goon, because that's like a joke we made as kids.

Yeah. It was like, oh, you're nah, goon, because that's like a joke we made as kids. Yeah. It was like, oh, you're drinking wine tonight? Nah, nah, goon. Yeah, that is a fucking classic. That is good. Yeah, but I can go with officer. I was like, oh, is that my next one? Oh, are you drinking water?

Nah, officer. Yes, yes, yes. Will you approve the podcast, Vanessa? A hundred percent. You really always say that. Hey, this is Vanessa from AlphaCat and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. Welcome to the video show.

Tony stand-up paddleboarding update. Subdate. And I also have located the tarpa that I've promised the stand-up paddleboard. Ooh. Yeah, so there's some real consequences coming up. Yeah. So we'll get to that soon. But first of all, now this seems dark, but it'll lighten up. But first, have a think about the time that you were like

in the most extreme physical pain you've ever experienced. So I think I mentioned that I've dislocated my shoulder a few times. Also, when I was really little, my cousin Rowdy and I, we're like sitting on a skateboard together going down a hill because I used to think that was really fun. It's like you're kind of like bobsledding but not. And then we were going towards a tree so I put my hands on the ground to slow us down because Rowdy was sitting in the front of me.

I was like, oh, Rowdy's going to hit this tree. So I put my hands down. To like slow you down. Slow us down because Rowdy was sitting in the front of me. I was like, oh, Rowdy's going to hit this tree. So I put my hands down. To like slow you down. Slow us down. And the weight of the skateboard and both our bodies rode over my finger and just like crushed my finger and ripped a fingernail like clean off. Did it grow back? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. The fingernail does, but the bone obviously needs a bit of repair. But I just remember like just that moment where the wheel went straight over the top of the thing because you know a skateboard wheel like those hard yeah yeah yeah i know it's just but also the like weight of both of you like even though you were little it's still like a lot for your little finger yeah and i just remember being in agony and just like the throbbing like you know it, it's like you could feel the blood.

So you've never broken a bone, right? Have you broken a bone? No. No, I've never broken a bone. I always really wanted one as a kid, like always wanted a cast, but I was anxious that no one would sign it. So then I was like, oh, maybe not. I remember as soon as I asked that, I remember you telling that story.

Yeah. I don't know if I told it on the pod that, I remember you telling that story. Yeah. I don't know if I told it on the pod or if we were just talking about that. Yeah. But I'd say that the most pain I've ever been is, I don't actually know if I've ever talked about this on the pod either. But you remember when I was having all those really bad chest pains? This is like almost 10 years ago now. There's a chapter about it in my book. And there was one-

Pre-purchase now. Yeah, pre-order it now. And the chest pains were so bad that like if I moved, it like felt like I was being shot. And there was one point where they were like, cool, if you get shallow of breath, like maybe go to the hospital. And that happened and I had to go to the hospital. And they were like, what's wrong?

And I was like, oh, I'm actually fine. And they were like, what's wrong though? And I was like, yeah, I just, I'm having really bad chest pains. And they're like, are you short of breath? And I was like, oh, I'm actually fine. And they were like, what's wrong though? And I was like, yeah, I just, I'm having really bad chest pains. And they're like, and are you short of breath? And I was like, yeah. And they were like, yeah, you have to go straight through. And they were like, yeah, we're pretty sure you're having a heart attack. So when you got to the hospital, and I want everyone else to answer this question as well

for the time they're thinking of. So what was the most painful thing you've experienced? How would you rate that pain out of 10? And did they ask you this when you got to the hospital? They did. They did. They were like, before I said that it was chest pains, she's like tapping away on her computer, like not even looking at me.

And I was like, oh. Yeah, chest about to die. Yep, okay. No, she's just like, what would you rate the pain? And I was like, oh. In my head I'm thinking thinking it's a fucking eight. Like this is like almost about to kill me. And I go, four?

Yeah. And she goes, and where's the pain? And I was like, I've got chest pains and short of breath. She was like, what the fuck? Like you are having a heart attack. We need to take you in right now. Oh, now you're paying attention. You are literally about to die.

And I was just like, oh. And she was like, are you sure it's only a four? And I was like, um, I'd say four is fine four and a half yeah maybe this is what i want to talk about i actually think that what would you rain the rate the pain out of 10 is the fucking really hardest question to it like it's so difficult to answer that yeah like how do we know the scale how do we know that my six isn't your four? A hundred percent. And like you said, you're about to have a heart attack and die and you're like, well, I can't overdo it.

They'll think I'm dramatic. Yes. And then if I say two, they'll be like, well, walk home, sweetheart. Literally. So you don't want to underplay it, but you don't want to overplay it because you know the only people that say ten, pain's in the ass. Well. No one that's not a pain in the ass is saying ten.

Do you know what I mean? If you can say ten, you're not a 10. Yeah. The only way. What's your rate? 10! Yeah. Oh, you can still say 10.

That's probably a nine. Yeah. You're breathing through it. That's a five. Yeah. You're conscious. You're conscious. You're not a 10.

So over Christmas, Bridget was in hospital for a week. She's all good. Everything's fine. All is fine now. Just, you know, complications with the pregnancy and whatnot, but all is well. She's all good. Everything's fine. All is fine now.

Just, you know, complications with the pregnancy and whatnot, but all is well. And we get there and she is like curled over. Yeah. Like just in agony with some pain. Yeah. And, you know, like when you're bent over, you can barely, you can't even stand up straight.

You have so much pain. Oh. Bridget later explained to me that she goes, I feel like girls are never believed when they say they're in pain, especially if it's like period pain or something. It's sort of, oh, toughen up or whatever. Get over it. It's not that bad. Period pain especially because if you tell someone you've got bad period pain,

they're like, oh, well, aren't you used to it? It comes every month. Yeah. You're like, yeah, it actually doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Like it's not a muscle that I'm like exercising. You know, it fucking hurts just as much, if not more each time. So similar to you walking in near heart attack and saying four. And Bridget and I are both anxious girls.

Yeah. And Bridget's like, I don't want to overdo it or whatever. I don't want to make a fuss. She can barely stand. She can barely look. And she's like, so I'm like, you know, step by step moving her in. Yeah. And the lady's like, how great the pain?

And Bridge goes, seven? And again, like, what does that even mean? What does that mean? Yeah. And she goes, seven? And the girl just looks her up and down and goes, just come straight through. You know, same as you. Yeah.

Just come on through. Yeah. Seven is quite high though as well. Yeah. I know that she was probably feeling like it was a 12, but like seven is quite high. So you would definitely take that seriously. So I had to wait in the waiting room for a little bit because there's like a little pre-COVID scan, little test before they get you set

up into a room. And is this like in the emergency room or like in the maternity ward? Right. So like fucking all sorts of people coming through. So there you go, Ryan, just grab a seat. When she's cleared the COVID thing and blah, blah, blah. I think I might have had to go and do a rat as well or something. Oh, yep.

So before all that, I just go and sit and wait for 10 minutes out the front. And this girl swans in, hot as, Lululemon active wear, all matching. And she's got a little coffee. And what time of the day was this? I'd say early afternoon. Oh, okay. Like after lunch.

Yeah, okay, yep. So it's not midnight or something. No, she comes in and just goes, hey, how you doing? I came in earlier, but you guys were a bit busy. So I went to the gym, went and got some lunch, had a coffee and just wondering if there's any beds available now. Looking for a place to stay. It's like it was a hotel.

Go to the hotel across the road, doll. Yeah, and sips on the latte and almost stereotype comedically was just like such a fancy lady, like living her best life, doing her thing, kind of that influence of voice. Yeah. Yeah, hey, you were a bit busy earlier, so I went and got a coffee and went to the gym and, you know, thought about dinner and stuff. And any openings, like it was a restaurant waiting for a spare table.

And it wasn't as if, like, she could have been waiting just for, like, a normal clinic opening. Like, she was in the emergency room. I don't think the concept of going to emergency and they're busy so just I'll take off for brunch and come back later. Yeah, that's not. That doesn't feel emergency to me. Maybe just go to the GP.

Maybe you get an appointment at the GP. Sure. And like because it's a hospital, there's the emergency section. But then like you said, around the other side. There's like after hours care and stuff. Yeah, and there's all the regular doctors. Like it had all the stuff in there. And even the face of the triage nurse, the counter's a bit like, what?

Like, yeah, this isn't some restaurant you can just swan into when it's future. And she goes, oh, okay, so what would you rate the pain? She goes, oh, seven. And I'm like, I've just seen a seven, mate. I've seen a seven. And I don't know what's going on. And the last thing we need is some bloke in the women's hospital telling what's going on.

But I know a seven when I see one. This ain't no seven. And especially the fact that she'd said, oh, I took off, had brunch and stuff. I went to the gym. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, what's a seven to you, mate?

Yeah. What's a ten look like to you? And in that situation, don't you just want to go, what's wrong? Like, where's the pain? Oh, okay. Because I'm like, oh, maybe, you know, it's something we can't see. Something private. But she's gone to the gym, had brunch, you know.

Got a coffee on the way in. Got a coffee. So here's the thing about TV shows You get an answer But of course I'm sitting there And I'm like

Well what's the fucking deal here You've got popcorn in the microwave In the fucking Nurses station You're fucking Here we go I'm fucking ready to watch this show Yeah

And so The girl at triage Just goes Oh you poor thing Just grab a seat Fuck Yeah that woman's dead now So Fucking She sits about Oh, you poor thing. Just grab a seat. Fuck. Yeah, that woman's dead now.

She sits about two seats from me. Yeah. And she's like on her phone texting like. Oh, checking in at the hospital on Facebook. I know the type. I know the type. Yeah. On the hospital selfie. Yeah.

And then everyone comments and says, oh, babe, what's wrong? She goes, hon, I'll message you. Hashtag pray for hot bitch. Like, you know, yep. So she's checking in, doing all that. And never more in my life, like I was so torn. I was Natalie Imbruglia. I was torn because I just wanted to.

Reach over. And go, hey, mate. What's wrong with you? Tell me your story. What are you in for? You know, like war stories. So, you know, when it's like that not quite conversation, but like it's not hey, how you doing, but sort of a, you know,

a bit of a nod, eyebrow, like you kind of acknowledge. Yeah. And I was like, hang on. And she's like, yeah, good. Oh, so you did talk to her? No, but that was it. Oh. But it's almost like.

You needed to go the next step. I'm literally sitting there, and it was as if I could imagine if you or Bridget was sitting next to me, you would have seen on my face and you'd be like, don't you fucking ask her anything. Yeah, I probably would have actually been like, don't you fuck. I would have been desperate to know, and I'm desperate now. So this is about 2 o'clock. Oh.

So you're still out there waiting for Bridge. Yep. Bridge goes in. I do a rat test. I'm good. I go in. out there waiting for Bridge? Yep. Bridge goes in. I do a rat test. I'm good. I go in. I'm in with Bridge for about three or four hours. Gets to about five or six o'clock.

So like in the afternoon, late afternoon? Yeah, three or four hours later. They say, oh, look, Bridget's about to have some dinner. You know, there's a few like little takeaway places in the hospital. You know, like that cafeteria. Yeah, yeah. And they fucking charge you $95 for a fucking croissant. They go.

Toastings extra. Oh, do you want me to toast that? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Let me just. Yeah, pass me your fucking car keys, mate. And they go, Ryan, probably a good chance before the cafeteria closes, if you want to get yourself some food because we might be here for a while

and pretend I'm staying for the night or whatever. Yeah. So I go back through the doors at 6 o'clock and guess who's, that girl's still there. She's still there. So the triage nurse is going, oh, seven. Yeah, right, I champion. Just grab a seat.

And then when I walk out. Do you reckon that those nurses, like the triage nurses, drunk with power, they go, yeah, all good, sweetheart. And they pop someone else through with an ingrown toenail just to really rub it in. So when I'm walking back out, she's at the front desk. So she's obviously gone back up because there's a lot of like, oh, I just wanted to, how are we, you know.

Yeah. And fair enough because like let's assume that this girl is in pain, whatever it may be. That's seven. You get antsy when you're sitting there. And you're like, can someone just like five more people have come in since I got here and you haven't seen me. Like, what's going on?

Now, this is the point where I went from suspecting she didn't know that this wasn't a restaurant or a hotel to knowing. Because when I walked out, she was at the front desk. She goes, oh, like, if I can't get in today, are there any openings tomorrow? It's not a fucking eyebrow wax place. Yeah. And so by the time I was leaving, she'd gone up and was basically like,

don't you worry about it. It's like, I'll take my business elsewhere. You don't even pay Medicare. Exactly. And I was like, do you know what this is? And someone explained to you where you are. So as I was leaving, she was like, oh, well, I'll just come back tomorrow then.

Oh, and did she get in her fucking BMW X5 out the front as well? I don't know, but for the sake of the story, yes. Yeah, you've got to paint the picture. Yeah. Fuck. And she just left. And so I was there eating and I was like, and I'd obviously told Bridget the first half of the story.

Yeah. So I get back with her. You go, oh, guess what happened? So I get back with the most expensive, chewy fried rice you could ever imagine. And I was like, Bridget, remember number seven? You'll never guess who just walked out in a huff. The most expensive chewy fried rice you could ever imagine. That's right, Bridge. Remember number seven? You'll never guess who just walked out in a huff. Got an update?

Yeah. Did it cross your mind? Yeah. I know they're busy. Did it cross your mind, though, to say to the nurse, fuck, oh, bit argy-bargy going on there kind of thing to try and get some info? I know they're busy. I know that nurses are busy, and I would never waste a nurse's time

because they are overworked and underpaid. But did you think about it? Because I would have been thinking, fuck me. Oh, what a bloody piece of work she was, you know, trying to butter them up. The opportunity didn't – because you make friends with the nurses who are like in the room with you. But the ones at the front, they just stay at the front.

They change as well. But they stay at the front. They don't come back. But, yeah, there was a part of me that wanted just to be – just one of these ones. Some people, right? Seven. You know, like you could have done that.

Seven? Yeah. Not in those shoes. Out of 100%. Yeah. Percent. Not in those shoes. Actually, though.

Hi, this is Vanessa from Officer and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tony's just been coughing through the break and she's rated the pain as an eight. I'll be heading off to the hospital when we're done here. Put in the episode thread, hashtag pray for Tony. Yeah, thoughts and prayers, please. I won't go into it now, but just know that I'll get through this.

Oh, my God. Sorry, I've got a really tickly throat. I think it's because the change in weather, it's been really pollen-y and I've been getting really bad allergies. How would you rate the pain and the allergy? A nine. Yeah, it's going up by the second.

I've got three drinks here, incredibly. Yeah, so I've got two drinks on the go over here. Would you like one of the five that we have on the table? I've got a cold coffee, a hot coffee and a Frank Green water. Well, that's not going to be hot anymore. It was a hot coffee. Yeah. How would you rate the heat?

Isn't it weird that an iced coffee is delicious, but a hot coffee that's gone cold is fucked? It makes no sense. Isn't that weird? Why is an iced coffee delicious and a hot coffee delicious, but in the middle is disgusting? Yeah. Or if you left a hot coffee out and it went as cold as an iced coffee, you can't just add ice and go, oh, put a straw in it. Imagine if you left an iced coffee out in the sun and it got hot.

You'd be like, that's fucked. Yeah, you'd throw it in the bin and you'd go and buy another one. Questions of the world. How would you rate the confusion out of 10? 10? 11? Wow. Massive shout out to a few of our champion typers over at our Patreon,

AJ Black, Kelsey Morris, Ellie Nicholas and Jenea Jones. And also everybody who is scrolling across the bottom of our video episode at the moment, if you are watching. All the names coming across the bottom there. I've just remembered that I've got a DM from the person who's going to get your stand-up paddleboard. Oh, great. So you have to.

A sub date. A sub date. Let's go from the top. Okay. So I on the, sorry, let me just check my notes here. 13th, mate. On the 13th of January, I asked your advice of whether I should buy a stand-up paddleboard. Yep.

I'd never done it before, never tried it, never even seen one in real life, but decided I really wanted to try it. And then you said maybe you could do a lesson first and then I informed you that I'd actually bought the stand-up paddleboard off Amazon probably a bit prematurely, but that I was really excited and it was on the way. I did then, though, take your advice about the lessons with the surfing lessons.

Torbs and I have just started a five-week beginner surfing course at Urban Surf. We've done two lessons so far. It's very fun. And I saw you the day after the first one. The smile on your face. It was really fun. The salt in your hair.

Yeah. This beach baby rolled in. I was like, who is this hot surfy chick? Yeah. I'm like, fuck, is that Tony? Yeah, and it was. And I could feel the surfy girl aura. Yeah, I was chill.

I was chill as a cucumber. I was so confident that you weren't going to use this. I want it, like, to be fair, can you honestly say I have been on your side maybe until now? I'd say until now. Maybe until now. I'd say until now. So then I told you that I promised that if I used it six times in two months, I could keep it.

And if not, then you would get it. Yep. Let me read this message. It's from Melissa. Hi, Melissa. I watched the video show. I believe I'm the girl you were speaking to about the stand-up paddleboard. My partner is going to buy me one for my birthday,

and you said, Ryan, don't bother. I'll just give you Tony's one for free. Yeah. That's Melissa, and she is from Eltham, so I can deliver it myself. Right. I'll pick it up from your place. Because the only information you knew about her was what suburb she was from. So did she pass your Cinderella test?

Yes. And she went to CLC, Catholic Ladies College. I do actually remember having. And what do we know about girls from CLC? They use that country road bag. Yep. So that's Melissa and her husband. They're quite stoked because, well, he's stoked because now.

He doesn't have to buy her a parking lot. So when you don't use it six times, then Melissa will get it. So we're about halfway through. Yep. And I've actually used the stand-up paddle board once. Yep. I have tried to go stand-up paddle boarding five times now. So are you going to try and claim?

And just to confirm, it's six times successfully getting there using it? So it's not six times intending to go? No, because that's like, oh, I was going to go to the gym yesterday. It doesn't make me lose weight. I went to the gym 365 times a year. Intention is two-tenths of the law. So halfway through, you've been once. Should we just give it to Mel now?

Should I take it home with me today? No. Mel, say the salvo, mate. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So here is where we're at, right? I have been trying to go. And that is true. I do know this. No, I've seen you get excited. I have been trying to go. And that is true. I do know this.

No, I've seen you get excited. I've seen the weather conditions. I've gotten excited and then there's been a fucking drama with the weather. Every single time it has been a weather-based issue. I was supposed to go swiping on the weekend. It got cancelled again because of the fucking weather. It is summer in Australia at the moment.

It's supposed to be like perfect conditions for paddleboarding and the cold doesn't bother me. It's not like that. Oh, it's a bit frosty. It's actually like the wind. The wind, you can't stand up, it's dangerous. It blows you halfway down the coast. Yeah, well because there was that couple in Victoria that got blown off

the coast out into the fucking wild, wild sea for like three nights at Black Rock on New Year's. Do you reckon you'd survive three days out in the ocean? Fuck no. Fuck no. This one guy survived for 240 days and he just had like packet garlic and salt and tomato sauce and he survived.

I don't think I would. No. I think I'd give up really early. Yeah, you'd be acquitted. You know what I mean? Like I don't think I would. No. I think I'd give up really early. Yeah, you'd be a quitter. You know what I mean? Like I don't think I'd go like, well, it's probably fucked. I can't see the RAC helicopter. It's probably it.

You'd blow off to, once you got 15 minutes from, 15 metres from the shore, you'd be like. I could probably still see the beach and I'd go, fuck, that's me gone. See you later. Yeah, I hope that light torbs has a great life without me. I'll be. Do I finish signing off that will? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Do we do that? Who's the beneficiary of my superannuation? Will Mel still want this stand-up paddle with my dead body on it? Yeah, because it's been bitten by a shark. It's only half of it. Yeah, so prime time is still difficult. It's not looking good, is it?

But is that my fault? So I've taken an excerpt here from a news article. Summer pause. Cold weather forecast for South East Australia to bring snow across the Alps. It snowed in our town the other day. Break out the winter woolies. Temperatures across Australia's South East are set to plummet with some areas expecting to experience their coldest February days in two decades on Friday. A strong cold front is pushing up from southern Australia and is forecast to sweep across South Australia, Victoria, New South Wales and Tasmania on Friday.

So that's the news report. I have scientific-backed evidence here. Oh, we're trusting science now. Fuck you. I don't. I trust science're trusting science now. Fuck you. I don't. I trust science. I'm vaccinated. I was going to say, you've changed your tunes and you've stopped getting vaccinated.

I use 5G. It's fine. A back from science excerpt from the web. Hang on. So I'm wondering if we could come up with some kind of bargaining system, maybe you and I, like a bit like Monopoly, when it's your turn, you're able to kind of like strike up a deal with someone, that I could either have more time or lessen the time.

Because if I've intended to go six times and gone one out of the six, does that technically count? Like maybe that counts for three times? No, no. Now I know that it's not possible for you to bring a note from your mum. Fuck, thanks for bringing that up. But I feel like you're trying to bring- I'm about to lose my paddle board.

Now you're bringing up this other thing I've lost. I feel like you're trying to bring a note from the weather bureau. But like- You know when you rock up to school and you go, where were you yesterday? I've got a note from mum. No, I actually have a well-researched argument that not only. I'm not saying it's a bad note.

No. It's still just a note. But I'm just saying it's not as if I've looked out the window and gone, oh, it doesn't look great. Scientifically, meteorologically, there is a reason that I can't use it at the moment. Okay. I'm open to bargaining. use it at the moment. Okay. I'm open to bargaining.

Open to negotiations. Yep. Okay, good. One thing I will say though. Yep. If you were trying to convince me that you were committed to someone but you were banging someone else every Wednesday night, I'd question your commitment.

Okay. So I thought this was going to come up because I'm doing surfing on Wednesday nights. That's an urban surf. Yeah. The surf's always perfect because it's a surf machine. That's why it's so great. And I'm not saying it's not great.

What I'm saying is if you were so committed to stand-up paddleboarding, you wouldn't be cheating on the SUP with the regular surfboard. No, no, no, no, no, no, because I started doing surfing. Should I call Mel now and just figure out delivery? No. So I started doing surfing. Should I call Mel now and just figure out delivery? No. So I started doing surfing because I know that it was guaranteed every week that it would be like perfect conditions. So you can't use that against me.

You can't say like, oh, you said you were going to. What if it was perfect conditions on a Wednesday night? I can't because I'm at Urban Surf. But you can't go when it's dark. Mate, it's daylight savings in Melbourne. It's light until 9 o'clock. Well, it's dark. Mate, it's Daylight Savings in Melbourne. It's light till 9 o'clock. Well, it's not. Yes, it is.

No. Do you want me to get the weather bureau up? No, I haven't seen that. But dusk is the most dangerous time to go in the ocean. Is it? Yes, for sharks. Okay. That is science.

I can fucking show you that on the bureau as well. Oh, you've got very selective use of the internet. No, but the thing is, is that if I was fucking had a veggie garden and I bought vegetables from Coles, you wouldn't go, oh, you've given up. I just go, well, no, I just need vegetables in the interim. And that is actually a great analogy. You wanted to bargain. Yep.

Present an offer. Well, so I don't know whether. Because my offer is let's just deliver the stand-up pad awards to Mel's house now and then we can just move on and pretend it never happened. Because I know that you won't do this. No, but I, no, don't say you know I won't. I'm trying to go.

I know it's not possible. The thing is, is that it would be, if I could have gone even half of the times I'd tried to, it would 100% be possible because I'd be over halfway to my goal. And if your auntie had a moustache, she'd be your uncle. What? What's that saying? I don't know.

If the auntie was a bicycle, she would be the town. What? If my grandma had wheels, she'd be a bicycle. If my grandma had wheels, she'd be a bicycle. If my grandma had wheels, she'd be a bicycle. I've never heard that before. We haven't watched enough British Morning TV. Okay. But you know what I mean?

So it's not as if I'm not trying to do it. I'm not doubting the intention. I'm just doubting the reality. I think the thing is. Because I know the weather's bad. I've heard you do the thing voice. I had to put the fire on the other day. Yeah.

It's like. It's insane. What's happened to summer? It disappeared. Yeah, it did. And so the hard thing is, is that it's not that I don't want to do it or that, you know, because if the sup was sitting in my storage cage doing nothing, I would go, yeah, Melissa, you can have it.

Like I haven't even, like I'm not using it. I'm not even thinking about it. I've got an offer. Let me hear it. But I don't know if I'll agree. If you, in the next month, let us come down and film you stand up paddleboarding and you have to perform a song whilst on the paddleboard, I'll give you an extra month.

I like those terms. And we get to choose the song. So a little beachside performance. Okay, what about instead of me having an extra month because it's just getting further into the year, which is probably going to make it more and more difficult, what if you count all of the attempts? No, no, no way, no.

But they're all times I woke up early to go and then. Yeah, no, you still need to get out on the board, son. An extra month. By the end of. And two more times knocked off. So six attempts. No. So four attempts by the 13th of April.

No, no, no, no, no. So, oh, hang on. So, no, hang on. I've got one run on the board. Yeah. You give me two more Yeah For the five times I've tried to go

No No, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah So three runs on the board I need to get three more Yeah This is like me the other day on your Instagram story Sorry, trying to do maths This is the best

I've got three on the board I need to go three more times Yeah And I get an extra month Because of obviously weather permitting, etc And I'll do the song. And we get to film it? Yeah, you can film it.

I'll get a wax before. For the board? Yeah, both. Yeah, both. I think that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Shake my hand. You got yourself a deal.

All right. Mal, you're going to have to wait an extra month. Does the filming and me being on it doing the song, does that count as a go because I'm technically out there doing it? Absolutely. Okay, great. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Mal, you're going to have to wait an extra month. Does the filming and me being on it doing the song, does that count as a go? Because I'm technically out there doing it. Absolutely. Okay, great. Yeah, absolutely.

All right, well, there's four down. I'm only going to go two more times. Oh, fucking piss it in. I don't need the extra month, I don't reckon. No, I do. I do. All right, so it has been changed. Update.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Update. It's no longer March 13. Yep. It's April 13. January, February, March, April. April 13. Update. It's no longer March 13. Yep. It's April 13. January, February, March, April. April 13. Yep.

That's not long before your baby comes. Yeah, no, you need to do it four times. Yeah. Yeah. All right. No. Total. No, three more times.

Yeah, because you've already done one. So hence four in total. It's the same thing. No, no, no. It's still six. But we're counting. Oh, my screen's gone off. My screen's gone off. Hang on, everyone. It's still six, but we're counting. Oh, my screen's gone off. My screen's gone off.

Hang on, everyone. It's a drama. No, but it's not four in total. It's still six. There we go. Sorry, everyone. You're just wiping two. No, it's still six in total, but we're considering I've already done three.

I've got one coming with the filming, which will be great, and then another two. So still six. There will be no more discounts for attempts. You must get out there for those other ones. Yeah, but, I mean, it's only two more, so that's okay. Yeah. After you've done them.

After we've done the filming, yeah, or maybe before. Maybe I'll get out there before then, like this weekend, depending, weather permitting, of course. All right, three more. Yeah, I think that's a good deal. I think that's a really good deal. I'm really happy with the outcome. Mel, just message me again and I'll let me know which room you need,

where you need me to deliver it to. Mate, you'll be delivering it from your own pocket because the deal was that if I do it, you have to buy the stand-up paddleboard. She's getting a paddleboard either way. Mel's living her best life. She's getting a paddleboard, but it's going to be coming out of your pocket, Sonny Jim, and you can't use the work card. You have to pay for it because this is a personal bet, not a work bet.

Personal bet. Okay. Pretty good. All right. I bet you love. Pretty good. All right. I bet you love to see it. Have you? I love to see you fucking buying Melissa a paddle board. Is it too late in the year to have some, like, fun New Year's Eve stories?

Fuck no. It's only Feb. All right, great, because if not, I didn't know what I was going to do. Happy New Year. There's a pair. Happy New Year. Oh, yeah. Happy New Year, friend.

A pair of Texas twins were born in different years. I love stories like this. Makes my brain sore. Yeah, I know. And if you want to hear Tony explain maths, if you didn't just have a great time with that, wait for this one. Annie Jo, because of Texas, was born at 11.55pm, December 31, 2022. Hang on. 11.55pm. 31 2022. Hang on. 11.55pm

Yep. So just before midnight. And then Effie Rose was born at 12.01am on January 1, 2023. Now I'll tell you what's real fucked. That they're the same age, but they'll go to in different years.

They'll go to different school years. Annie Jo will be in year seven and bloody... The other one will be in bloody year six. Can you imagine... Sorry, I forgot their names. Annie Jo and Effie Rose. Effie Rose, sorry, yep. Can you imagine that one's playing in the under 13s

and one's in the under 14s? Yeah. How annoying that would be for the parents? Oh, but also, like, when they turn 21, Annie Jo goes, oh, I've got a vodka cruiser. And then Effie Rose goes, oh, well, I can't buy a vodka cruiser. Till next year. Ah!

Yeah, that is good. I like that. That's why I love to see it. Oh, that's really fun. Mine is this tweet that I saw from Jenny Nordback, and it says, My three-year-old said goodnight to all of us tonight, and then in the dark I heard her little voice say,

Goodnight, myself. I love you. I love you too. She answered to herself. Yeah. And I thought... Is myself definitely not the name of an invisible friend? Apparently she said goodnight myself I love you And then she went I love you too

Isn't that the cutest thing ever? That's fucking cute I couldn't tell you the last time I said that I love you to myself Hey Tony Yeah Do you love yourself? Sometimes This has got a bit deep Yeah I do Hey, Tony. Yeah. Do you love yourself? Sometimes. This has got a bit deep.

Yeah, I do. Yep. For the ease of the podcast. Well, it's a video show today, so everyone just saw your face go. Yeah, I do. Yep. Do you love yourself? Seven out of ten.

Sorry, it's the cough. 10 out of 10 cough. That is fucking the cutest thing ever. Isn't that fucking adorable? It is beautiful. Thank you so much for listening to the show today. Hope you had a great week. We're back on Monday.

Oh, no. Flappable Tony returns on Monday. For Super Bowl Sunday. But it's Monday in Australia. For the day after Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday. But it's Monday in Australia. For the day after Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday. You get it. They get it.

How about them Chiefs? I hope the Birds do well. Are the Philly Eagles in? The Birds. Come on, mate. Sorry. I don't know. I've watched it's always sunny in Philadelphia and that's it.

I think there might be. Well, great. Up the Birds. That's what I say. At sport concerts. Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs. How about them birds? How about them birds?

Quack, quack, quack. No, that's Mighty Ducks. Fuck. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. That's still Mighty Ducks. Yeah, I know, but I was showing that I get it like sport movies. Like, I get it. Okay.

Love you, bye. Quack, quack.