Toni and Ryan - Surprise In The Back Of Her UBER

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] 'Give A Fuck About' return - Alphabet order - At the pub - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So the Uber picks me up. The guy from under his chair pulls out a... And goes... What? Are you joking? I am not joking. And he goes, I've got this as well. Green LED strip lighting around the...

I could not believe it. I know that this sounds like a lie. It was the craziest thing ever. I'm Victoria from Dallas, Texas, USA. Hi, I'm Ali from San Antonio, Texas in the United States. States. I'm Loretel from Toronto, Canada. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

This is Dr. Author, best-selling author, Tony Lodge. Stop gassing me off. Owner of a prawn cocktail hat, Tony Lodge. And coming up today is one of Australia's favourite games. Of all the things to give a fuck about, that's the thing you gave a fuck about. Your brain could have gone a different route. That's the thing you gave a fuck about.

Love that little dance you do. So, of all the things you could give a fuck about, that's the thing you gave a fuck about? Yeah, like there's so many other fucks. Don't tell Mark Manson that we're doing this, because it's similar to his ideology, but, you know. No, I actually think it's the opposite. Because you've only got a certain amount of fucks to give.

So you've got to choose wisely what to give a fuck about. So that's not the opposite. Well, he's saying stop giving a fuck and these people are giving fucks. No, but your whole thing is like, that's the thing you chose to give a fuck about. Yeah. So that's the same. Don't waste a fuck on that. Yeah, which is Mark Manson's whole thing, isn't it?

So true. Do you get what I mean? Chapter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. chapter yeah whole book christie walker that deserve better two books actually second one that's good what's the second one okay now isn't that called something it still says fuck though yeah

yeah it's sort of like the the next one i don't think swearing's cool so swearing makes everything better it actually does like it fucking does swearing fucking rules i actually that's a hot take i think that's swearing is so fun. And when people are, like, offended by swearing, I, like, just don't really, I, I can't really understand that. Do you think a swear words funny are in a place where you shouldn't swear? Like, it gets even better?

Like, as in a situation or, like, in the sentence. In a situation? Um, I, well, I don't like to actively offend people, but yeah, it's fine. No, but just like where it wouldn't make, like, it just catches you off guard and go, oh, that was a good one. Yeah, or like, when a kid swears in the right context, Like, so not just like saying fuck or whatever, but when a kid says like, I'm so fucking hungry or like, Kills every time.

That's so funny to me. Speaking of like, that's not the right place. Yeah. When Lily and I were in Sydney together, we had a competition. And it was, um, do you remember this little? It was what is the most like ridiculous place and person you could ask like, do you mind if I have a shower? hilarious I've got an answer because you know when you're a child you're like you're like you're at someone else's house and you go do you mind if I have a shower like no one's even

say well no yeah and then we're like where's the most ridiculous place I've just had an answer gone the butcher oh could I just have a shower out the back host me down where you do it hey man I was get three sausages um if you could cut me some chicken thighs and just a quick shower if you don't mind if I've just been at the gym um what did you guys come up with probably nothing as good as the butcher i think no i wasn't i think just asking a random in a lift if they might and because it's like i just no it's not it's not asking now you're like do you mind if i have a shout oh not at necessarily someone's house yeah because like when you had a friend's house you're saying like yeah do you mind yeah um lil who didn't do well

the challenge to be fair yeah i didn't come up with an answer so this is where i fall short and you're just way better than me and it should have been new. What did you say? We end the lift. Yeah. Oh, sorry, you said it. At a conference. I did actually, when I was speaking at the conference,

thought, wouldn't it be great if I just dropped it in like mid-keynote? During the thing? Yeah. Do you reckon, though, that there has to be a shower nearby. No, that's what makes it even better. But because the thing that makes it funny is that people go, oh, yeah? Whereas if there's no shower nearby, people just go, what shower? I reckon.

At the beach, public shower. Oh, can I just have a shower? And people go, well, yeah, yeah. I hear, and I agree. Yeah, okay. I reckon where you could get away with it is if you're like leaning towards a door, because it kind of implies you're going towards a shower. Like, if you lean towards a door and go and like, do you mind if I have a shower?

And they go, oh, is there a shower down? I guess. Oh, I see. Yeah. So if you're leaving a room and you just go, do you want to have a shower? What if you're getting out of a taxi? Yeah. Can I just have a shower?

Yeah. And they go, what? Once you get out of this cab, you can actually do whatever you like. And actually, I would implore you to not tell me about it. Yeah. So, it was a great challenge. I won. Congratulations.

Very little competition. Good job. That was that. The butcher, I didn't, don't think I got the game then. Once again, I've been played off. Kirsty Walker. Is it definitely Kirsty? I actually don't know.

And we're just rolling with that. K-I-R. Yeah, curse. that was a big one a big wumbly woo kirsty walker now yesterday you're about to have a go to her and i was like pause because i reckon you'll agree is this the comedy heroes yeah this is what kirsty gives a fuck about okay when there's a social media post about a car accident and some comedy hero writes ha can't park there that really fucks me off that's the thing you gave a I'll report them

I'll try and delete their comment I'll like get up him in the comments it just really fucks me off you know what I actually think I agree I know that that's not really I think I'll pay that you know the other one that sends me into a fucking early grave

when there's a poll and someone adds as an option I just want to drink milk that tastes like real milk grow up I just think that that is the opposite of comedy it's basically like cancer of a joke i don't think it's funny it's not relevant anymore the ad happened like 30 fucking years ago they're re-rolling the ad out now i think it is the least

funny thing i just hate it it gives me the ick i see people do it and i go oh delete your account i ianet and go cut their fucking internet off you should not have access to the outside world if that's your idea of a joke i'm sorry but i'm not sorry fuck you We're going to post this. Don't drink milk, you fucking cocky. We're going to post this with the poll and there's going to be three options. Do you agree with Tony? Do you disagree?

Or the third option? What's the third option? Tell me. Tell me the third option. I'm not going to vote for that. I'm just saying that you could not be more serious. I'm going to say this to the whole team right now. Because I don't know who posts video.

So I'll just say to everyone, if that's a, if that's an option on the poll, I will quit the podcast. I will not fucking come in. I think it is so not funny. And that would also be not funny. But. Yeah, Charles, he's so out of here. Don't, Charles, you wind up merchant. A lot of companies at the moment, there's like redundancies and stuff going on.

And Charles goes, oh, do you reckon we'll get one of those? And I go, I don't. think so and he goes I guess I'll be in tomorrow okay some of them getting severance and stuff yeah is like that show

no um yes I'll pay that because I hate that milk shit that makes me want to be a vegan honestly that joke I'll never drink milk again I tell it that's so fair

next one uh series Matthews hi series Matthews it fucked me off when people say 3 a.m. in the morning. Just say am or in the morning. Saying both is like saying three in the morning in the morning. I don't know why, but it actually stresses me the fuck out.

That's the thing you gave a fuck about. Fuck, I'm getting torched here. I hate that too. It makes you sound stupid. It's the same when people say pin number, ABN number. Oh, it drives me up the fucking blinking wall. ATM machine.

But a.m. in the morning, fuck, that does me in. Oh, I was up at 9 a.m. in the morning. Yeah, no, because you told me it was a.m. You fucking dildo. And also, if you said neither, I got up. I got up at 9. I reckon we'll figure it out. You know what?

I've actually got a brain between these two fucking beautifully sized ears. I actually know exactly what you're fucking saying. The context clues. Tell me enough about your fucking shit story. You know what you don't get enough credit for? The size of my ears. They are perfectly sized to the rest. They do so much for saying that.

They really are beautiful. Because I've seen some people with, they've just blown it right out and others that are like, can you hear a word I'm fucking saying off those little stumps? But no, you, they're perfectly sized. Can I say a nice compliment to you? You've been getting paid out a bit recently for being barefoot on the pod. You have beautiful feet.

And I'm not a foot guy, but I can acknowledge a nice foot. And you've got... I know a good foot when I say one. And you got a nice toe on you. You know why? Why? Because you're adopted.

Unlike... No, that's nothing to do with it. Nature versus nurture. Unlike some people, I didn't shave my toes as a child. No, it's not to do with a hair. It's not to do with a nice, natural... No, it's the length and shape of your toes plus also the nail is a nice shape. You can't paint my pinky toe nail

You just paint the skin It's an absolute raw Well it's like a little Oh sometimes you got her Yeah it's fucking tucked under like a sausage dog Your big toe nail Not my little toe Oh

Not my big toe That's what I thought That's disgusting That's bigger than my fucking head Thank you I actually do have beautiful feet I thought you're gonna thank me For actually wearing shoes

For fucking five shows in a row I think you've been getting paid out For doing bare feet because when you do bare feet, you put your fingers between your toes, like you're holding hands. Yeah, no, so you brought this up the other day and then.

Off air. I was like, hey, you need to fucking. I think brought it up on the show. Oh, did I? Oh,

I've said a few times. And then you were talking and I was like, oh, yeah, and then we talked about something else. And then I saw myself in the screen doing it again. I was like, but you were doing this with your own toes.

It's really nice. I agree, but some things, if you're feeling lonely. A bit like eating a mango, do it at home. If you're feeling lonely, do an intertwined handhold with your foot.

It's really nice. That sounds lovely. I did it last night because I slept in the spare room. Oh. Yeah. Mate, when next time that happens, you come around to our house. We've got a king-sized bed. Me, you, Tobs and Pippa?

We'll fucking intertwine you all night long. That sounds really nice. It does actually. I grumbled at Tobs this morning, actually. Why? I just told him at what time I had to be up and, yeah, you know. And when he was like, oh, I just. Did you want me to do this thing for you now?

And I was like, well, no, I've got to leave in half an hour. You know what time I have to leave? And he was just like, oh, sorry, I was just a mole. You're looking at the moon again? It's the moon juice that just told me about. The old moon juice. Now, this one really gets me. Yeah.

Caitlin Nichols has sent this through. Oh, Caitlin Nichols. Oh, no. Up is north. This isn't your strong suits. Let me be clear. Up is north, down is south. So if someone goes, oh, I'm heading up to Mildura.

you can't say that if that's south yeah yep like you're in Perth and you're going down to Margaret River yeah because it's south because you're going down yeah when some people just like think it's a throwaway saying Charles does this a lot he says I'm going down to Sydney a lot

because I'm used to say I'm going down to Melbourne when I lived in Sydney yeah because that's when you're going down yeah then you go back up to Sydney he says I'm going down to Sydney a lot he does have you ever gone up on a woman Charles he's gone down on one let me tell you

but it's different right it's different it's different you can't just change them willy-nilly no that's the thing you gave a buck about let's go to Adele Markham

I think that's fair from Kate by the way that's an annoying buck bear Adele when people say I've really turned my life around a full 360 So you're back to where you started. Yeah. Oh, so you turned all the way around and you're still addicted to drugs.

Yeah. 180 is the direct opposite. That's what you should be aiming for. Yes. 360 is the exact same spot you are when you were when you started where you were. Yes. That's the thing you gave a fuck about. I didn't talk to my best friend in year nine for a week because I schooled her on that.

I could not be more serious. Well, so you're like, I actually can't be friends or something. someone that doesn't understand this concept. No, she was like, oh, you did a total 360 and I was like, oh, I think you would do a 180. Otherwise, it would just be back to the same spot. And she was like, what? And I was like, well, I think you just need to think about it. She talked to me.

That's brutal. Is Rich coming from me as well? Because I'm such a dumber. Well, I'm. Yeah. I don't want to say surprised. That it was another way. Yeah.

And you're like, what? Yeah. That I was like, duh. Well, maybe I will think about it. It was me. But doesn't, I was a smart one. Do you know what I told towards the other day, that when I was a kid, my mom put me in gymnastics. Mm-hmm.

Is that why you're so like, actually, I'm just going to stop talking right there. So I'm so what? No, that's it. All good? No, safe. No. Just say it. Well, you know how I've had a bad run with you, like, falling over?

Oh. I was going to say, like, you know, like, what's the word that's like balance? Well, Jimis famously don't fall over. well that's why it was a shitty thing to say oh I was like that would mean that I'm really good at stand yeah or going downstairs no no no going upstairs sorry um my mom put me in gymnastics and I'm not even joking I was too tall for gymnastics I was too tall for gymnastics I was too you're five foot two I know I stopped throwing at that point and you're five foot two yeah so as a little kid, I was always the

tallest, I always was in, like, the back of the school photo and stuff. Is that because you got, like, kept down a bunch? Sorry, for those playing along at home, Charles has just Googled, can you be too tall for gymnastics? And Google said, no, you can not be too tall for gymnastics.

What, two talls? You can touch the bottom of the ball pit. This is the fucking girls choir all over again. It's not a balance beam for Tony. It's just a step. I was too tall to go on the bars. My foot were on the ground. Is that maybe they, like, a thing that they say that would be nice? Well, I'm thinking that now that we've just had it confirmed, but that's what I think.

Because my sister did gymnastics and we're like, we're the same height. Your sister's as tall as you. A little bit shorter, but pretty much. I think you understand what the same height means. She lives down in Port Macquarie. I don't, don't. I know you being funny and it is funny, but don't. Sorry, Kate Nichols.

Because I've, because even my brain is going, blah, blah, blah. What is right? How do we get onto that? I don't think you can be too tall for gymnastics. Yeah, well, they were like... Especially you. No, but I was tall then, but then obviously I just stopped growing

and that's the hard I am now. Was there someone taller than you in the class that wasn't too tall? No, it was all like, it was all just like little girls. Obviously, maybe they meant tall the other way. You're a bit too wide for gymnastics, but they can't say that to a little kid.

I'm just like a fat, a happy little kid that wanted to go on the monkey, bars and they went, maybe she's a bit tall for that, you know, that's not what they meant at all. So they meant rotund. Oh. Rotund decender. I'll never forget this guy must have been five foot, tiny.

And someone's like, oh, some guy said something about him being really short. And he's like, I'm not short when I'm laying on my back. That's a pretty hot. hot thing to say that everyone just goes what and it takes a second yeah everyone just what and he goes oh because like is it the penis yeah and we go oh oh yeah Charles is just a cube oh I rotund's cube beepo beepo perfect square finally teal james please tell your mom in turn but to listen to yeah I was going to say oh fella listen you got mentioned no no no I'll leave that one

Don't send that to the family group chat. Meet them at Donut King after this. Lily? No. If Jane has a umla above the A. So what? It's Teal Jains, but the A and Jains has like the two dots above it. Yeah.

So how would I pronounce that? I don't know. I know what the U is. It's like instead of it being like a U, it's like a U, it's like, is it doesn't it mean that you just like say the letter no okay well teal j i ends was that what you're gonna say yeah teal teal says teal is a pretty name isn't it it really is i believe the letter j is in the wrong place in the alphabet because it has such a weak energy it should be more closer to the d and the e not next to the kingly energy of a

Okay. And it really fucked me off every time I say the alphabet. That's the thing you gave a fuck about. This is right in my area. And I've thought about the groups of letters in the alphabet many times. And that makes one of us. Because they all have different energies. I don't know that it should be closer to it. You saying that it should be between the D and the E is...

What is in that area? Is actually king shit and I'm here for it. I don't think it should be one of the first three. But I don't like that it's next to the eye. Oh, yeah. Two dots. I don't like it. Yeah, what do they get off?

Yucky. Yucky nuckies. But Jay, I feel like, is a closer color to the D and the E. Whereas the, like, KL, that's getting into purple territory, the L and a P. That's a purple. Of all the things to give a fuck about, that's the thing you gave a fuck about. Your brain could have gone a different route. But that's the thing.

You gave a fuck about. Is that the end? Yeah. I'm Victoria from Dallas, Texas, USA. I'm Allie from San Antonio, Texas, in the United States. Hi, I'm Loretto from Toronto, Canada. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to you.

Sorry, we've just spent the little break there looking at Ryan's WikiFee. There is a wiki bum as well. Do you mind if I just have a quick shower? See? That's very good. That's very good. Because I was like, oh, sorry, well, you're not ready to start. That got me like a hook and line and stinker.

What's that saying? Hook line and stinker. Yeah, right up the ass. A massive shout out, though, to a few of our champion tarp us over at our Patreon. Haley, good on you, Haley. That's spelled the same way as my sister. Sam Hossford, good on you, Sam. Ruby Rositis.

That sounds like a disease, but I love it. Oh, I've got the Ruby Rositis. I love DJs. Tag Ruby Rose in that. You got Ruby Rose. Oh, he used to date of Veronica. That's funny. That's very funny.

Would they have been a hot a couple? Oh, no. Wouldn't have thought so. No. That would... Heather M, good on your Heather. Polly Roberts. Angie Armstrong, Zoe, good on you, Zoe, Linda T, Rachel Scarborough, we've been there.

And Jasmine MacLennan. Love to see it. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. What was the beach slightly north of Scarborough? Up? Yep. From before? Funny.

I don't know. You know I'm not good with shit like this. The surf club, which is now converted into like a bar and a fish and ship place. Like at Trigg or something. Trig. Yeah? It's not of that. I thought the bar at tree are you smarter than a fifth grader one of my

favorite places to have a drink is that really I don't think I've ever been there because I've like you got your haunts you know you know yeah oh but they've done it up and stuff yeah recently well because you know how like in Cotterslow sorry this is only relevant for 0.03% of our listeners yeah but um yeah at Cotterslow like the Cotterlo beach hotel that's like so fancy now I think I've told the story about Me and my, like, two friends of mine, we ordered that the cheapest thing on the menu and, yeah, couldn't afford anything else. And they're like, can you please? Like, we're covered in sand.

Hey, guys, can you, um, get the fuck out? Literally, like, they just could not wait for us to leave. I think we all got water as well. Like, we didn't even get a real drink. Yeah. Anyway, um, so the other night, uh, we went out as a crew. We were going to the pub and, uh, Charles recently, very recently in the past couple of weeks has moved house. Well done, Charles.

And it's awesome. He's, like, so close to work now. But Charles is exactly 11 minutes away from my house. And then he's also exactly 11 minutes away from Lily, who works with us as well. And then how far away are you from Lily? Um, 22. It's like, could not, not even, it's like bang in the middle. And, like, as the crow flies is basically how you can drive it.

Like, it's crazy. A crow's driving you're outy? Oh, my God. Um. He, they're in the car, car! Car! I think we should all just go home. I can't do better for that.

I've got a bit of a headache from doing the birds out. Yeah, it's actually really warm up here and I've just put this pink jumper on. It's way too hot. It's hot, eh? Yeah. No, I was just starting to think that before and I was like, no, you know what? I will do a hat and a jacket. Bad call.

Glad I'll fucking woke up this morning and chose violence against myself. Yeah, let's wrap this up because Tommy wants to go for a swim. so true anyway okay so we're um welcome tommy by the way i think that might be first time anyway so we're going to the pub and i was like oh should we do one uber and kind of go like bum bum bum like all three of us on the way i sing that song again sorry bum bum bum bum final destination yeah so tony bob charles bomb lily bum final destination don't say final destination with the three of you in the car yeah so true and then we saw this log truck Yeah, 80% of my life would just be wiped out.

In fact, there should be things written in that, like, you guys can't travel together. I know, like the royal family. Yeah. Yeah. I thought for Princess Die, didn't they, when they got her scene too? Anyway. You know what? I actually don't care about earning money from YouTube.

Great. Lizzie killed her. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's just, there's no doubt in my mind that that was 1,000%. Like, it's actually so fucked up. I love Princess Dye. It's so sad. What a beautiful woman.

Both ways. Like pussy and heart. Oh, but it meant like, when you said both ways, I actually feel like, oh, I. From the back? Yeah. Nah, like soul, but also like stunning. Yeah, GCE. Oh, wow.

Anyway, so we're going to the pub. And I was like, oh, let's get a car together. If we're all going to Uber anyway. So the Uber comes to my house, picks me up, we do, we stop over, get Charles, then we stop over again and get Lil and then we get to the pub. And we're meeting you guys, but because the three of us got there at the same time, we like walk over to the pub and as we're at the entrance, there's like a few other people kind of milling about and whatever. And there's a bouncer standing at the door. And we walk over and Charles walks over first. Oh, oh.

And the guy, and Charles kind of goes, like, walk in. And the guy goes, oh, bud. Like, you know when they kind of put up the big don't argue? Like, they put their arm up in front of the door. And he goes, mate, like, I'm going to need to see some ID. And Charles goes, oh, yep. I look like a 10-year-old. That is fine.

So fair. Like he's six. Yeah. So Charles goes in, gets his fake ID. Shows the guy. The guy's happy with that. On your fake ID does it still say Charles? Yes.

Okay. says Tony Lott No, because sometimes you like just get a friend that look likes you and hope for the best or if you like make it Yeah, yeah, yeah

Nah, so he's gotten this one made He made it on my cricket We laminated it up Anyway, and so Charles like is fumbling around To get his ID out of his like Little magnetic wallet or whatever

Shows the guy's fake ID And the guy goes, Like, you know when sometimes they go Yep This guy goes He's seen a few fakes in his time And he's like doing the refl You know how the Australian coat of arms fucking comes up when you do a dance.

Cangaroo tries to fucking kick you. And he's bouncing it around in the light like this, like tilting it around. And he goes, hmm, yeah, looks all good. Like he fully gives it like. Did he sniff it? No, he didn't. That was just a comedic effect. But he gives it like a full pour over.

Yeah. He goes, hmm, yeah, all right, mate, no worries. Gives it back to Charles. Looks at Lily and I. and goes, yeah. That's rough for Lily. Not a look. Not a fucking, not a sniff.

Not a, not a question, not a, oh, probably fine. Did you ask me if you could shower? You don't have any rooms available, mate, do? And how did you feel about that? Lily and I both went, oh! Yeah, as we walked in. Rightly so. I then turned around when you went, oh,

and I looked at the, bouncer had a big smile on his did he really no fucking way like he knew what he was doing that's his power play he I could I'm not even joking like he was like if he

looked at that ID any longer it would have just been a fucking feature film like he like every inch of Charles's ID like so I'm like oh he takes his job seriously and you know what respect fully respect you're doing your gig I get it did he think

that you were Charles's mother oh my god does that mean that he thought that Lily and I were hot mums oh give me fucking something sure give me that the bouncer thought that I was hot enough to be there with Lil

give me that well you like winks of you and goes well done man he goes so you want me so and I would have gone yeah that see that exactly like that yeah I'm hitting that that's what I'll remind you she's also an employee

I've seen her vertical flap, as you said earlier this week. I didn't say that. You did. She said that. You said vertical flap. You relayed her. Sorry, you relayed her vertical flap doesn't come out that well, does it? Anyway, no, so that is not, that's not what happened.

And like, you know when things like that happen and you feel like a bit rejected? Because you're just like, oh, it's just like, I feel to be left down. If he asked her ID, you would have been like, oh, fuck off. I'm 30. Totally. But because he had poured over that, I'm like, well, he really takes us seriously. You know how it's like, over, if you don't look over 25, we'll ask. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I obviously now look over 25. And that's funny. You're aging like a fine wine. I appreciate that. Anyway, so. And I hate one. We go and have we.

We go, we have dinner and whatever. And then same thing on the way home. We're like, let's Uber home together. Yep. Charles orders us this Uber. And we're kind of chatting on the way home. home we drop Lily off first then we drop Childs off and then as we drop Charles off the Uber driver goes like oh um do you need anything and I was like oh no I'm all good man thank you and he's

like oh I can turn the music up or or whatever and I was like oh no bro I'm I'm all good like how awkward just drive the fucking car dude I actually do you want me to talk do you want to have a chat I would have been up for a chat I'm always up for a chat but asking to have a chat's the most awkward. Like, just chat to me or don't chat to me. Yeah, don't ask me if I want to engage in a conversation, because I'll just do it. Like, you don't need to be fancy, you know. Anyway, and so I'm feeling, you know, still be it rejected from earlier when they didn't ask me for ID. And then I got asked something way better that these two did not get asked. The guy from under his chair in the Uber pulls out a rainbow microphone and goes, would you like

to do some karaoke. What? Are you joking? I am not joking. What did you say? I said, no, thank you. Tony Lodge. And I go, I go, what are you talking about?

And he talks to him and he goes, people love it. What? Of course, they do. Why didn't you offer that? That's surely you're more chance of doing that when there's other people in the car. He waited until they left. So my summation of the night is, I'm not young, but I am fun. Oh, fuck.

He went, these guys aren't going to go for that. I said no. And then what did you say just then? That I'm really, well, he thought I was. Oh, and you know what? Take the wins. Yeah.

And so he's got this light- Now they've got rid of the boring guys. Now we can party. So he's got this rainbow light up microphone and he's like, see, it's really fun. He's like, hello, hello, hello. And it's like reverb on and stuff. And then he got, I was like,

oh, I bet people love that. He goes, kids love it. Like he's like whenever I'm like driving a family or whatever He's like the kids fucking They're all on the microphone and singing and stuff Did that change it a little bit when he said the word kids? He was like God I can't believe that your dad got out of the car And left you here by yourself

But That's so strange It was the randomest thing ever And he goes I've got this as well And he turns on green LED strip lighting around the wrong I could not believe it Where was this before dude? right when he had a crew of people that had just been down the park but you know surely you're more

likely when there's a bunch of you are heading home to be like oh we'll do a katie perry track fuck yeah put on firework and let me at it absolutely i do feel like a plastic bag thanks for asking but when i'm by myself it just feels so funny yeah and then the song just ends and you go and just give him the mic back or i'm halfway through the song and he gets to my health and i go You don't mind if I just finish this off, do you? Because I love the big finish. Yeah, I better finish this off before I walk in the door. Or I'm like, ha!

And he turns the microphone off. He's like, yeah, cool. Like, turns the meter off. I could not believe it. Did you get his, it was the craziest thing ever. I know that this sounds like a lie. Did you get his number? No.

Because you know how sometimes those drivers like, oh, I've just called me and do a thing. Oh, yeah, right. He could have been out new. He could have been like a private. Yeah. You could have been our new guy. No, but Charles will have his info. He's actually, I just said to rate the trip.

Five stars. Six stars. Seven. Eight. Twelve. Fifty stars. But it was just so funny. So my friends all get out of the car.

He's like, fuck, she's going to be bored. I'd better offer her the karaoke microphone. Here's Carrie. Buy yourself more boring than not karaoke. I don't know. It just, reason I said no is because it really caught me off guard and it should have because I was just like oh oh no I'm okay and did you get out of the Uber and go like just have to did that happen

did I just make that up and then so we pull out the front of my house I was like oh yeah just I'm left here mate and he's like oh yeah all good he's like he's like a little next to Michael Jordan dropped in my failure he goes I'm actually his personal driver he loves karaoke um and subway and then so I'm about to up out of the car and he goes, oh, do you have everything? Like, your phone, your keys, your handbag and everything. And it's like, oh, thanks to ask. Yeah. That's a great thing to check.

I was like, oh, yeah, I'm all set. And he goes, oh, have a great night. He was just like the happiest guy ever, but he wasn't like that, like, when we got in the car. Call him America, because he's getting 51 stars. Did not know where that was going. Do that 51 or 52? 50. 50?

50. 50. 50? 50. Oh. 50. Oh. Is it one for every state?

Isn't it 50 states? 50 states. Don't he do the fucking. song he'll do the fucking song again sing the song and count of Charles Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut 51 he's to do on the song luckily that's probably why he didn't give him the microphone he's like he's gonna do that fucking song did you want Alton John Tiny dancer or did you want to do the

state song yeah check the states one on yeah do the States one and it's like the shit karaoke room's like be more be you know how the music's I tell you what I don't like a karaoke what you know how some of them most of them are just purely the instrumental and then some will have this kind of like very low of the no yeah you got a raw dog that shit so yeah no I agree and as someone like yourself who's probably had to find the instrumental version to make a bed for the radio station many times keep the lyrics off Yeah, some of them you have to mate yourself. So you have to try and EQ the voice out, which just sounds shit.

That's awful, yeah. Yeah. I get it. Anyway, yeah, so that guy, I mean, I didn't get asked for ID, but you guys got rejected for karaoke. So who's the real loser here? Yeah. Actually, it would have been so fun if we did karaoke.

Well, because we would have said yes, I think. Yeah, Patreon exclusive. Oh, that would have gone off. You know what? We absolutely would have done it. Question. So you got off in karaoke because you're fun. Yeah.

Charles got ID because he's young and vibrant. I feel like the real loser here is Lily Yeah, elephant in the room, you suck Because she's an old sad bitch According to people around town How does that feel, Lil? Yeah, well I just walked away and sat in the corner to reflect for a minute

And she didn't even do the shower game Yeah, what do you do around here Except everything and be one of the most valuable people in this team? Yeah, what do except for your job? Yeah, pretty dull, zero personality Yeah, but, you know, we can work on that That's all right But yeah, Carrioges, do you write that on your one?

Yeah, that's okay I've got to love to see it here from Tapa Jessica Who lives in Washington State Which is one of the 54 states Oh, 54! There's 50 state. 50? 50.

Oh, well, sorry, I like to round up Because I'm optimistic. And I love that about you. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Oh, kick a slut while she's down. Oh, it's not even in, it's the wrong drawer.

I thought you're about to give me the finger, 1,000%. Ryan's opening the drawers in the studio. Oh, you'll love to see it is a... I love to see it is my love to see it is from Jessica in Washington State. Every time I drive to my parents' house, I have to go past a small farm that sets up like a little farm stand in the summer and they sell fresh fruit and veggies and eggs and things like that.

Oh, I love it. When the stand is open, they have these big letters. that say open on the fence. And she's taking a photo like that. Totally. And there it is. And she goes... Oh my God, the straight signs like Sesame Street.

Isn't it beautiful? And she goes, what I really love is instead of having a closed sign, when it's closed, they just move the end to the front. So it just says, nope. That is... Work smarter, not harder.

So true. Doesn't. And she goes, it just makes me chuckle every day. And I always drive fast. and go, I love to see that. And that would make you laugh every time. Yeah. Nope.

Are you open? Nope. And when I read it, I was like, I can carry the one. And then I see the photo and I go, oh yeah. Who fucking you? That is so smart. That one moved N is the difference between an open and a nope. And you've always said that.

That's absolutely beautiful. I've got to you love to see it here. And it just like, I just made me so happy. Jacob sent this through on Patreon. Jacob says, Hey Tony, our son is nonverbal autistic and it's been a struggle to get family to understand that he isn't interested in the same things as other kids his age. And I think like probably in a situation where, you know, when like brothers and sisters all kind of have kids at the same time. So your kids are all a similar age and into the same stuff.

Yeah, here's a game. They'll all go play that. Yeah, or they're all into bluey or they're all, you know, whatever. Jacob's like, and he's just not interested in the same stuff. they've always been supportive but it's just hard for them to kind of understand like his needs are a bit different Jacob says

anyway his favourite thing to do is clean so Jacob's son he loves to do the dishes to vacuum to wipe things down and so for his birthday this year everybody was like oh what should we get what should we get our babe you know and he said look it's really odd

but like cleaning toys he just loves to clean him. They all came through and gave him all super cool cleaning toys. You know that Dyson that you guys got for Mabel? Yeah. They got him a play vacuum that actually sucks stuff up. Yeah, they're really fun. So you can put like stuff on the ground and then he can run over it and it goes into the

barrel of the thing and that kind of stuff. And Jacob was like, I just love to see it. Thanks for putting a smile on my face while I'm having a bad day and listening to the pod. But yeah, I just love to see that. I'm sure they already know this. but for anyone else here's a hot tip because Mabel's similar in the cleaning thing. Yeah. So we got a whiteboard and I'll just like scribble and draw stuff and the like satisfaction of like wiping it back off.

Oh yeah. Because it's like just hell satisfying. Yeah. And we also did something similar with it wasn't quite a chalkboard but the same as a chalkboard. Yeah. Like we'll just scribble it on stuff. But then you know how you get a wet cloth on a chalkboard and it just like glides over? Yeah.

It's so satisfying. I love that. So there's like a, and you can get like little, little blackboards or whiteboards from like office works or whatever. And came out and stuff, like the ones on the easel. Yeah. And it's, because it's obviously in theory, you draw on it and the cleaning off is the chore. But it's like, you do the other way around and it's still just as like mesmerizing. Yeah.

I think as well for Jacob, like, you probably go like, look, I know it is a bit odd, but that's what he really likes. And I think that you love to see it. Aside from like, you know having a great fucking birthday. Yeah. That you love to see it is like your family listening. and hearing you about, like, what your child needs. I know you said that, but I got him in this car. You know, and like, you go, oh, that's very generous,

but he's just not into it. I think it's just lovely that the family went, oh, if that's what he's into, like, that's what we'll do. Also, you love to see it for the parents. Your kid loves to clean. Yeah, that's the jackpot if ever I heard one. And if you're really good and get to bed on time tonight, you'll get to... We'll let you do the dishes in the morning.

Yeah, and we had a lasagna, mate, so you're going to have to soak it. Fuck, it's scrape this. Tray, son. Yeah, that's a huge win all around. I mean, it's just good news time at Jacobs. It really is. I love to see that. Thanks, Jacob, for sending that in.

Tomorrow on the show, we have normal or nah. And also... Also, each day. Normal or nay. And also making its grand return. What's older? What's older? Like two different things and which one's the oldest thing?

The invention. Grand return. Oh, is that a bit strong? Do people like that? They did. Because remember we did contact lenses or condoms, what's older? And then they used to be made. People were still talking about it.

Yeah, oh, they're not stopping. Yeah, that's great. That's making it back. We're doing that again. Good. Good. That's good news. I will bring the comment of someone who said, can you, like, they're begging for it.

I love to see it. Gagging for it. You might even say. You're not very often lost for words, but I feel like just then you, yeah, I'm glad it's coming back. Begging or gagging? What's older? Oh, begging came first.

Yeah. For sure. By about four seconds. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Love you so much. Bye.

Um, just before we finish, um, God's finish. Fuck you. Fuck you. Thank you.