Toni and Ryan - TARPaTHON 'Til Gold FINALE

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

OUR FINAL 30 MINUTES LIVESTREAMING FROM THE WEEKEND!!!! Thanks for joining us, our beautiful TARPers, loved having you babies xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Toni from Melbourne, Australia. I'm Madison from Birmingham, Alabama. I am Divya from Brussels in Belgium. I'm Daisy from Melbourne. I'm Matt Gleeson from Honolulu, Hawaii. Hi, I'm Kimbo from New York. Hi, it's Cassie from Melbourne, Australia. Hi, this is Greg in Kalamazoo, USA.

Hi, I'm Devon from South Africa. Hi, I'm Amber from Anderson in the United States. I'm Libby from Brighton in England. Hey, I'm Jess from Wollongong. We're the Sarans from New York. I'm Dennis Rawlings from New York. This is Drew from Iowa. Hi, I'm Allie from Melbourne. Hi, I'm Lottie from Southampton, England. I'm Stuart from Edinburgh, Scotland. This is Ketchian from Melbourne.

I'm Stephanie, and this is Tipper from Asheville, North Carolina, USA. And I'm Ryan from Melbourne, Australia. You're welcome. And I'm Ryan from Melbourne, Australia. You win. And I approve this tarpathon. And I approve this tarpathon. And I approve this tarpathon. And I approve. I approve.

I approve. I approve. I approve. I approve. We approve this tarpathon. I approve this tarpathon. Tarpathon. Tarpathon.

Tarpathon. Tarpathon. Tarpathon. Tarpathon. Say tarpathon. Tarpathon. And I approve this tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. Say tarpa thon. Tarpa thon. And I approve this tarpa thon. Makes my nipples hard every time.

Every time. Absolutely. Stunning work from Franco on that. Stunning work from Franco. Stunning. Stunning work from the tapas all around the globe for submitting their videos to crafting their torches that they

passed around the world in record time ladies and gentlemen gentlemen of the jury we have a winner Grace Brown Grace Brown are we allowed to say it now oh first schmolympic gold medalist after 20 hours for australia uh stop the clock at 20 hours

uh we have just streamed for 20 hours so that's why we sound a bit delirious but the tarpathon has been a roaring success go australia i feel real proud how do you feel i feel really good too. I think like we actually, there really wasn't as much this time that I feel like challenged us. I think we were a lot more mentally prepared. Yep. Last time, last tarpathon, I believe that someone commented before that this is officially the shortest tarpathon we've ever done. In history. Setting new world records

I think it's like we learnt so much from the last one that we then took into this one so I feel pretty good because I was like much more mentally prepared for what I knew made me feel good last time it also is a lot easier doing 30 hours less than last time

we also last time did not have anything to like talk watch yeah watch about 100 so like last time we were doing challenges and stuff but we weren't doing so whilst it's mostly been positive the biggest low light i believe of the tarpathon was when my mum came in and it happened to accidentally be the same time tony learned what ass to mouth was and she discussed that with my mother in the room and i you know they say oh i wish i could crawl into a hole and die i have never wanted to crawl into a hole and die more than that moment are you uncomfortable because nice one oh thank you so much are you in embarrassed

that your mum knows that you know that or that you are embarrassed that you're just like talking about sex in front of your mum? Like what's the... I think just the second one. What's the feeling? Like we're not a... We're not not sex positive, but we're kind of like you do you, I'll do me. Like, you know. Yeah, no, that's fair.

And just to be in the room watching Tony discover that ass to mouth means... It does not mean like a rim job sucking the poo out it actually means like to get fucked in the ass and then the cock goes straight in the mouth yeah and so the the moments as that unfolded and seeing my mum's face and my my the reason my mum was here is she brought my dog BJ snow BJ saw you naked two weeks ago, so he was a bit off Tony already. No, he was on me. He walked in and was like, whoa, we're back on here. He was already a bit shaken, not

stirred about Tony Lodge. And then he hears this business. He'll never come around you again. Don't be very careful. I just said nothing. Fiji just beat Australia in real time. Oh my God. Lucky we weren't waiting for them.

But, yeah, well, I did apologise to your mum, but I think she enjoys the silliness. She does enjoy the silliness, but it was just, like, a lot. I'm not saying you shouldn't have done it. Just for me, being, like, an awkward boy in that moment, I'm just raising my hand to say, ooh. I'll cop that, actually. But also, a bit of fun.

Tarp has loved it. We loved it. Yeah, that thing. I'll cop it because I know that people were pissing. We just won the 4x100 swimming relay. Already? Already? It sure wasn't the heat?

Parker just said it might have been the heat, but I don't know. No, it's a gold. What? Already? That's what Parker just said and Taylor just said. It's for me. Pissing it in. For those of you playing along at home,

we are recording this straight after winning the first gold. So we're in real time still like watching the Schmalympics. Yeah. Tony. Yep. Who was a surprise guest you weren't planning on having today? Well, so we had a few guests throughout the tarpathon, but we actually met another member of Ryan's family,

a long-lost Swedish brother, Sven. Sven. Sven is me. Sven is still here. He is very fun. Oh, there is Sven. Thank God he's still there. So we found these old Swedish wigs.

And do you reckon I've worn this more than I have not worn this over the last 20 hours? Yes. And you know what? 100% that Tim was another visitor that we had. And he left with the wig, I think. Did he? Still wearing it. Well, we'll catch him up.

I think so. So we'll charge him the $7 for that. Absolutely. But I think that Sven brought out a whole other side to you. Yeah. You were a different person when you were Sven. Do you think he liked Sven more than Ryan? No.

There's no one I like more in the world than Ryan. But Sven was fun. He had an energy. He had a just different vibe. There was a chat about there was Kennergy. Yeah. Which I can't, that's been that kind of gas fenn up to be honest yeah i could i could tell the more people talked about him people are

saying alan's generous i think he needed the the good vibes of all of that happening you know yeah like you needed that gassing up in that time yep i definitely did um now we do have an issue about the o word we can't mention it we're not an official broadcast partner of the schmalympics so we can't mention the schmalympics by name because i have big games the o word so we have to we ended up saying it 38 times yep now which we decided would mean that every time that we said it we uh we're going to do an extra minute of live streaming post winning gold yeah uh now how would you i'm tony i'm not going to question you yeah but how would you say the 38 minutes like if you were to ratio them out i would say committed the 38 crimes i think I said it maybe four times.

Okay. Oh, is that, no, more? Maybe a little more. Five or six? Yeah. Five or six? Yeah, maybe it was four. Producer Sophie, I know you don't have a microphone on,

but do you recall maybe how many of them were me? Sorry, Belinda just said out of the 38, Ryan said it 35 times. Peter Bolinda, do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. I actually times. Peter Bolinder, do you mean? Yep. I actually missed the first few hours and I think when I came in there was already like 25 in the first four hours and since

then only one was you Tony. Producer Jane dropped a few in a row. I reckon there was three in a sentence. It was three in a bank. Gave it a red hot track. Like fucking schmall, schmall, schmall. Franco said one.

Franco said one. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, actually people like get off Ryan's back. It was Sven. Sven kept saying it. Okay. Yeah.

No, they're cool. Victoria has just chimed in and said, um, I said about five. Jane said three and the rest were you. Oh, 100% that Tim said one. Yeah, fuck that guy. And so did Simon, our quiz master. I was just like, why is it so sweaty in here? It's because I'm wearing a scarf, a blazer, a jumper and a T-shirt

and 50 big lights. Who's counting? I'm loving it. I'm loving it. So what I just want to say is Tony was really good for legal chat, for not mentioning the O word. Ryan, all right. Sven needs work.

I will say, though, early in the piece. We'll get used to it. Yeah, yeah. But it was fresh. We were also fucking half asleep still. Yeah. You know, we'd only just started. We were four minutes in.

We woke up at 3 3 57 and started at four and that was a mistake because i should have got up and had a shower and like set ourselves up drank some water but it was just a toughie because we were like so excited the night last night yeah like the night before we didn't get much sleep and spen is fired says scott i like but oh we're still sideways We still haven't adjusted it Oh that's edgy though That's funny

Yeah bit of effort Bloody hell Sven Says Pauline Alright Bit up Oh sorry we kept you up Sorry I gotta Oh sorry

Just the twenty And a half Fucking hours That I've been Broadcasting Yeah Nah fair call actually Thanks so much

Yeah nah Nah you've earned it If anyone's earned A single yawn It is Tony and a half fucking hours that I've been broadcasting. Yeah, nah, fair call, actually. Thanks so much. Yeah, nah. Nah, you've earned it. If anyone's earned a single yawn, it is Tony Felicia Lodge. Coming up next, though, I've learned something about Tony's childhood. Tony's learned something about Tony's childhood. Tony's sister came in and dropped, I'm not going to, people compared it to the ducky spoon.

Did you shed a tear? This is worse. Was there moisture in the eyes? Yeah. Oh, speaking of moisture in the eyes, Tony tried to poison me by spraying body spray in my eyeball. And it was my fault. All right.

Up next, Tony's childhood ruined, part 426. A few shout outs are needed here there's a few people that have been with us through this whole stream we call them 4am crew 4am club they start at the exact same time that we did they've been on the stream the whole time through this whole stream. There's a few, we call them 4AM Crew, 4AM Club. They started at the exact same time that we did. They've been on the stream the whole time.

They're still here with us. There's a lot of people that have been in the chat the whole time really fucking gassing us up, keeping us going, and we appreciate it so much. Max Corey, thank you so much. Ali Murphy, Tara Labaton, Anna Kidder, Flo Lucas, HH Cobb, Annie. I'm missing people. There's so many comments. Paige Ann, Riley

Young, Erin Sundquist, Chels McD, Caitlin Harris, holy moly, Holly Barspool, Ariel Close. So many people all fucking slayed it since 4am and I'm so fucking proud of all of you for staying up with us. You've had no sleep the exact same that we have and it's been

such a fucking thrill to have you alongside us for this 20 and a half fucking hours. Just amazing. An honour and a privilege. Oh, there's no one else I'd rather serve alongside of. There's no one I'd rather be.

Oh, Sophie's crying crying It's too much Are you crying a little bit or are you just crying because you're tired It's beautiful isn't it It is beautiful Sophie's not wearing a microphone Oh she's wearing a microphone It's amazing I was going to read out five names

But there's that many of them Guys there's a counter for comments 620 000 comments on this live stream what the fuck well it's been flowing consistently for 20 hours so i get yeah shit um yeah we love you sophie thanks for the tears we appreciate that are you just crying because people have been here since 4am and you haven't no we don't do that you're right we don't do that we don't take that back i apologize sven apologizes thank you sven's great because i can like get a second chance and sometimes when i'm a bit of a dick just blame it on him you know me sven could

be the sven's your fall guy yeah he's my fall guy and he's been fallen all day um so something we've learned over the journey about tony's childhood is that tony's mom liz may she rest in peace she did the best she could raising tony she did a bloody good job because she raised this beautiful strong lady and i had an amazing childhood like like i remember my childhood very fond. And the reason it was so good is because Liz looked out for you. She made rules for you. She did her best to set you up for success. Yeah. And a part of that setting you up from success was maybe stretching the truth a little bit.

Just to like, oh, Tony, you don't want to do that. Why not? Oh, I'll just add a bit of mayo on here just to ensure that you aren't tempted. And that you got it tempted and that you you got it in the right direction now we know that tony spent 30 years of her life believing she had a silver spoon that was a little ducky spoon uh it turned out it is which is great and it is all good uh tony also believed that even though her mom her dad and the older siblings all went to play bingo together that and correct me if i'm wrong tony wasn't allowed to play bingo because you

have to be over 18 my mom and my older sisters went and they would go on like a monday or a tuesday night and um i was like oh that sounds really fun and mom was like yeah you have to be over 18 because it's gambling which sort of checks out well yeah and like what am i going to question my adult yes no but like i just would have never done that because i trusted her like a fool admittedly the fool i am a fool a fool uh anyway and then we were sitting here having what I thought was a lovely fucking time. I brought my sister into my world. She was great. But I brought my sister into my world and she got all excited and she decided to tell everybody that you didn't have to be 18 to play the bingo.

Mum just didn't want me to go. It was an open age event. And there were kids there that were younger than me, Libby said, verbatim. That's what she said before. Yeah, Libby was going since she was 14 or 15. And for three years, Tony sat home by herself. And for the next 12 years, Tony believed that she wasn't allowed to be part of that.

And then by the time Tony was old enough to go to bingo with Liz, she died. Dead. Maybe it was to avoid the bingo with you. Maybe. I think I'd be fun to go to bingo with Liz. She died. Dead. Maybe it was to avoid the bingo with you. Maybe. I think I'd be fun to go to bingo with. You want to play bingo? I've never been before because I thought you had to be 18.

Well, you're 18 now. That's how long we could go. No, I'm 30. You can only go for a year. So Tony's sister comes swanning in 12 years later and goes, by the way, you didn't have to be 18. Sucked in. Mum loved me more than you.

And then I announced to everybody who she lost her virginity to. Now, do you think that was a power play? Was that revengeful? Do you regret it? I was lashing out. I don't regret it. I don't regret it. I don't regret it.

It was awesome. I don't regret it at all. That was awesome. But I definitely was lashing out. There were a few comments that popped up that were like, oh, Tony's little sister is showing. Like, that side of me is showing. I think you've got the tony's little sister is showing like yeah but that side of me is showing um so i think you've got the good energy of little sister you don't have the brattiness but you do have the like i think that i'm better now and libby and i really respect each other right like

we've cut we've worked really hard on our relationship to beat at that point the bingo club was a no tony's club they just sat around and talked about like annoying shit I'd done. Obviously. Like, God, wasn't she such a little at the bookshop the other day or something like, and that's just what they did. Yeah.

They just like yarned about that. Or maybe they said all the things you've done on the thing and they played bingo. That's how they played. Oh my God. And they were doing Tony bingo. Like you are in Patreon now. Oh my God.

This is so traumatic for me. When you say it like that, it does seem bad. It's just that he knows you so well. That's what she said. That's why she died. Oh my God, Jamie just said, Tony has severe younger sibling energy. I don't know if you mean that in a nice or a nasty way.

I'm guessing nasty way, to be honest. Libby also went to a movie marathon at 15. Libby also went to a fucking movie marathon at 15. I just think because your mum, Liz, loved you so much, you were so protective of her youngest. She was protective of me. Wrap her in cotton wool, take care of her little bubble. I don't want anything to go wrong with my Tony.

Yeah. Not for a second, and you know this, but not for a second do us jokes about your mum lying come from bad intentions. And you know that, right? No, I do know that. She was doing what she thought was right. Yeah, no, and I'll vibe that.

Rachel just said, is Libby her favourite? Fuck no, I'm mum's favourite. That is true. 100%. Shelby said, you can't say beep, you can't say beep, you can't say c*** on the podcast. This is my f***ing podcast, I'll say what I want. So the thing about beeping, it doesn't happen in real

time, it gets added in after. Jamie just said, oh, our youngest sibling, I meant it in a good way. I don't think you did, but thanks for the recovery, really appreciate it. Sven would know the rules. Sven would know! We. Sven would know? We should get you a wig that's like half your hair and half blonde, and you can just spin it around like a Lego head.

When you want to be an arsehole, you could be in Sven mode. What kind of, where would, in the age of siblings, like would Sven have older siblings, younger? Would he see a middle child energy? Where do you see Sven in this? Middle. Or maybe only. You know what I reckon?

And didn't grow up with cousins or anything. I reckon Sven had an older brother that Sven was always trying to prove himself to. Oh, that's good. I'm getting bitches. No, me too. Not all good. Yes. You know?

Yep. Nothing was quite as good as my older brother. Yeah. Yep. I'll vibe that. He's got a better car quite as good as my older brother yeah yep i'll vibe that yeah he's got a better car than me maybe the older brother is like a famous soccer player yeah yeah and i'm just like sven yeah i'm just sven oh someone's calling me something's happening oh we didn't talk about the time when i said if anyone if any tarpa has my phone number call me and the phone melted down for ages that did happen for a while um and even though i

love to see that i have a great you love to see it because some ingenuity occurred during this live stream today it's been an engineering marvel today we ordered breakfast at one point i don't really remember when it was but we ended up ordering breakfast. We got some hash browns. And then in the spirit of the Schmalympics in France, we ended up winning for a challenge, some croissant. Sketchy Ant is on the screen. Hello, Sketchy Ant. And I took a leftover hash brown and a leftover croissant. And I put the hash brown into the croissant with a little slice of cheese called it a crash brown it was better than anything better than gravity people are saying i think the gravity comment was someone said that einstein created gravity and that was a moment in science that was a moment in science and the crash brown invention was also a moment in science, like equal pairings. The weight of each was the same gravity joke.

So wait, no. Yeah. Oh, good. Um, but I can confirm the crash bound fucking rules. It was for the rest of my life.

And I, and for those playing along at home, I had mine with HP sauce. Um, and I think HP sauce official sponsor of the episode, because of the live stream, Ryan has said the term hp source i don't know if we've got like a text thing that we can go through and search every time ryan said

hp source can we cut that as a real because every time ryan said hp source today that's got to be fucking worth a few zillion dollars in sponsorship dollars i I believe someone in America who hadn't had HP Source found it on Amazon and bought it. But I will forever look back on the Tarpathon 2.0 Schmalympic edition and remember it for two heroic moments.

One, Grace Brown winning gold for Australia in the women's road cycling time trial. And not a fucking hair in it. Like she fucking ploughed them. And the second thing that will go down in history will be the invention of the crash brown. It's that important to society and culture.

I think that historically, yeah, it's going to be a huge moment for us all. I'd like to add one more. What about our baby? Excuse me? Oh, yeah. I What about our baby? Excuse me? Oh, yeah. I forgot about our baby. Me too. Tony and I picked three elements of a baby each.

Then we put it into ChatGPT and it created our baby. I've still got that somewhere. I'll post it. Yeah, we'll post that. My love to see it is Tony and I, there's two we love to see. It's in one. First of all, we got a basketball ring in the office and that's fucking cool. That two we love to see. It's in one. First of all, we got a basketball ring in the office and that's fucking cool.

That's, you love to see it. It's honestly, at first I was not on board. I'll admit. Yeah. I was like, Ryan wants this. I don't really care.

That was like me with the first aid kit. Not that I didn't. Which I'm now on board. Not comparable at all. And now I'm on board with the first aid kit. No, but you were anti-first aid kit. I was never anti-basketball ring. No, I wasn were anti-first aid kit. I was never anti-bass wheel ring. No, I wasn't anti-first aid.

I was just like not a priority. I was not on board for the bass wheel ring. I didn't really was like, yeah, Ryan wants it, whatever. But now I'm on board because we have played in the afternoons a couple of times. Yep, just shooting hoops. A good way to like take a breather, shoot some hoops. And we've been shooting and usually when we have 10 shots each and see how many of the total we can get. Usually I get a few more than Tony.

But, you know, as a team, we're trying to, you know, improve. All good. But when the going gets tough, the tough get going. And on game day, Tony stepped up and probably doubled my score in every game. Her shooting has never been better it turns out she's a fucking golf prodigy she's shooting with one hand she's shooting with two hands she's putting with all over the fucking shot tony stepped up during the schmolympics like a great athlete like grace brown would do this is when heroes stand up and be counted. And today, you stood up and be counted and I'm fucking proud of you.

Oh, I really appreciate that. Yep. Just to, yes, and you gassing me up, maths. I did some awesome live maths on the live stream. Oh, I thought you were going to compliment me for something. Nah, I'm yes, anding what you said to me. Maths. You have been killing it, maths.

I added stuff really fast. You did. Yeah. You did. You did a killing your maths. I added stuff really fast. You did. Yeah. You did. You did a good job. And I was here today as well. You did a good job. I did good getting massaged.

Oh, that was a, you love to say it, definitely. I needed that too because my fucking spine was sideways. Just at the right time. Yeah, that was perfect. All right. Tomorrow, being Tuesday, this is for the podcast audience, not people who are here live. Tomorrow, we're going to have a sleep in and we'll be back on Wednesday with regular episodes.

Yep. And, fuck, this year is going crazy. Next Monday we've got a fucking crazy announcement that I'd say is crazier than this tarpathon. It's crazy. It's not that, though, that you're talking about. It's a different thing, but, yes, it is still crazy. Yeah.

Next Monday. What am I not talking about? You're not talking about the thing that you think you're talking about, something else. Am I a week ahead? Yep. Love you so much. Yeah. Next Monday. What am I not talking about? You're not talking about the thing that you think you're talking about. Something else. Am I a week ahead? Yep. Love you so much.

Big things to come. Love every single one of you. See you Wednesday. We've got to go on live stream for another 20 minutes. Bye. Yeah, bye. Love you, bye.

Love you, bye. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Grace Brown. Cut. And scene.