Toni and Ryan - Taubs Is A Liar

Episode Date: May 28, 2023

Victims of medical comedy returns once again, and.... is Ryan a steps guy? Love ya xCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. And we are calling Vancouver, the small town in Washington, state of the USA. I can't. I can't. How do people get on a plane in America? I don't know. Like, do you just like get on a plane for Washington and just hope for the best? Yeah. You just get on a plane for Vancouver and hope for the best? Which one? Oh, it could be either.

Oh, go on a Georgia. Good luck. See where you end up. You know what I mean? Yeah. And there was that town called London, which is like a suburb just outside of Atlanta. Yeah, but there's a London, Ontario as well. Yeah. And then there's a London, London. They need to work. They're going to get crazy.

I actually can't deal with that. Yeah. So we're calling Vancouver the town in Washington State. It's Nicky. Meowdos. Hello? Hey, is that Nikki? Yes.

Hi, Nikki. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? We're well. What have we caught you doing, Nikki? Whereabouts are you? I am heading to go pick up my son from the bus stop.

Oh, this is not very exciting. Well, actually. I mean, probably exciting for a start. We have an issue with this because tony claims that no one in the u.s can catch a bus or a plane or a train because who knows where it going so just to confirm you live in vancouver but not in canada correct and i live about five miles north of portland and you live in washington but not d.C. Correct, yes. Do you get lost a lot?

And, Nikki, will you approve this episode of the podcast? Abso-fucking-lutely. Woo-hoo! This is Nikki from Vancouver, Washington, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today. Sorry. Oh. You've had all weekend.

Sorry. And then we hit record and you go, actually, now I'll take a sip. I just need a little bit of water. Yeah, it's a little thirsty girl after a busy weekend. I'm a thirsty girl. I'll take a sip. I just need a little bit of warty. Yeah, a little thirsty girl after a busy weekend. I'm a thirsty girl. Coming up today, I need some advice for people who are like Apple people.

Oh. Do you think there's still – there used to be like – is there still like hardcore Apple fans? You know those people that get the thing as soon as it comes out and they always upgrade and whatever? I reckon. Yeah. Do you remember that viral video of the guy like that lined up for the iPhone

for like four days and then took it out of the thing and the journalist is like, oh, and how does it feel? He's like, amazing. He dropped it. What a dickhead. That was in Perth. So embarrassing. Yeah, Lisa Fernandez doing a cross on Today Show.

So funny. What a dickhead. And he's just like really flexing that he's the first person with the iPhone. Fuck, it's so funny. So. You would just be so angry, wouldn't you? Anyway. And he's lying up for another four days.

Well, yeah. I mean, back then. Do you remember if you smashed a screen, they'd give you a new phone for free? Yeah, your phone's fucked. Okay. I don't know how they're going to fix that. Ryan smashed the camera on his phone. Yep.

Luckily, we don't need to film a lot on our phones for our job. That's very aggressive. Yeah. Very aggressive. Well, the other day you were like, you need a hobby. So I'm just pissed off. Do you want to hold hands for a second? Okay.

Okay. Because I want to get back on the same team here because I do need some genuine advice coming in. You're like rubbing my hand in a really nice way. When you do that massage thing for my hand, I can't lay on my stomach. It's calm town. Well, you can, but you'd be like an umbrella. Of the grass. An umbrella.

A six-foot-long. Ticket. Not that. Not six-foot-high. Not my height. A six-foot-long. Whoa. Like a cube. A six foot long. Whoa. Like a cube.

It's as long as it is wide. A six foot long, one inch high umbrella. For ants. An umbrella for ants? It's like a bus terminal. It needs to be at least three times as big as this. But first, Nurse Tony, how are you, mate? I talked very briefly last week that recently my boyfriend

had his wisdom teeth out. Yeah, how's he going? He's getting better. He's definitely on the mend. He's okay. The surgery was a success. So it was both sides wisdom teeth, yeah, but they were impacted.

So it wasn't like a straight extraction. This is pretty grim. Actually skip about 15 seconds if you're a bit woozy. What they have to do, they cut the gum, then they drill the tooth out and then, like, stitch it back up rather than just like yanking it out. And it's the stitching that's worse than the actual tooth itself. And because they're like drilling down in the thing,

I'm guessing it's like just really the sensitivity of that. You know, you've been poked and prodded and it's just awful. Anyway, poor guy. And so I've been Nurse Tony for the last couple of weeks. Pippa also has been very sick and so it's just a whole thing. But we have talked on this podcast many times about being a victim of medical comedy and what this means. If you're new here, if it's your first time listening, welcome.

Thanks for being here. Hope you really enjoyed talking about Ryan's six-foot-long cock. But, like, if you're in a serious or, like, medical situation and you're trying to break the ice and you go, oh, like, try and make a joke and then they just kind of blank you out and you get nothing. The doctors heard it all before. They don't give a fuck.

They're just trying to do their job. So, yeah, they're giving you a pap smear and you've gone, oh, buy me dinner first. They go, yep, like every woman I've seen today. Yeah, I've had dinner five times. Every single person has made the same joke. And I've talked about what that's like for being a patient when I've been in a situation where a doctor's been doing something to me

and I've gone trying to like calm myself down. Yep. Now I'd like to talk about being a victim of medical comedy as the carer. And are you calling yourself a carer at home? Are you referring to yourself as a carer? Yes. But I was just, Torbs was in my care, especially in the beginning while he was still not lucid.

Yeah. And was he real proper groggy when he came? He was real woozy, yeah. Like he had a carer. Exactly. But I guess there's also a bit of an insight into like what it's like living with Tony. I think I've just given myself a fucking theme song.

Yeah. Whoa. So anyway, Torbs had his teeth out. We're moving on. I think the theme song was one of the great insights. Well, you're welcome. Please. Pay rent because you're living with me now.

That's what I'm like. So, Torbs had his wisdom teeth out and he was just in as like a day surgery patient. And so, I packed up my handbag and I had like his Kindle and like a book for me to read and like a bunch of stuff. My water bottle had a couple of muesli bars in there because I'm like, okay, well, I'm obviously going to go in there. Did you drive to the hospital the day before to time how long it would take to get there?

How's the parking? No, but I will tell you actually all these admissions forms said 10 a.m. Yeah. They call us at 9.30. We're like about to leave the house. And they go, hey, where are you? You were supposed to be here at 9. And I'm like, no, all of the paperwork says 10.

And they're like, oh, they've updated it on our end and it's 9 and you were supposed to be here half an hour ago. And I was like, my heart like fell through my arsehole. But anyway, that was. That would have done you in. I'm surprised you're still here to tell the tale. I know. It wasn't good.

Did that throw you out or did you just accept that it wasn't your fault? I actually went, okay, that time's already passed. We can't get it back. We're about to leave. We're going to get there safely. We'll get there on time. It's all going to go ahead. The worst thing that's going to happen is they're going to go, we can't do it today anymore. We'll have't get it back. We're about to leave. We're going to get there safely. We'll get there on time. It's all going to go ahead. The worst thing that's going to happen is they're going to go, we can't

do it today anymore. We'll have to do it tomorrow. Like, fine. Listen, see? Hot, right? Yeah, it's fucking hot shit. Anyway, so we get there and I'm kind of prepared to spend the whole day. Torbz is like wearing like comfy tracky pants so that he's, you know, like real cozy, nice and warm,

like trying to calm himself down before this thing. And then because of COVID, they go, oh, you can't stay here. Yeah. But I didn't reel. I thought that I'd be able to go through with him, just wait in his little area. Just sit next to him next to the surgeon, give some tips. Yeah, go, oh, mate, don't miss that little bit.

I'm going to hold that scalpel. Yeah, you're all good. Not in the actual surgery room but you know how i don't know if you know this but i've got a blog called from the desk of dr tony lodge i've actually i've seen a few things before i've been to a dentist there's a dr on the front of my name bro pass me the tools and so because i thought that i was going to get to wait in like his little spot um then they were like, cool, you can't. So like this is goodbye. So I had to just like quickly give him a little kiss and then go.

Tongue? No, we had to wear masks. Oh. Yeah. So I was like, okay, what if you die? You kissed him with a mask on? No, I like kind of gave him a hug and like on the cheek, threw the mask, like made the noise.

So it was like the intent was there, but I didn't, you know. Yeah. I didn't. Yeah. Mask to mask. Blow it on me on me sweetheart you know what i mean no that's not what happened that's good because it's fucking gross but so all of a sudden i'm like okay i have to go when i thought that i was going to get to stay there so where did you go i went home i flapped all the way home and then i flapped in the house and i just waited for them to fucking call me because you're yeah you're not good with that eh well i just when tor was on a

flight you're pacing you're not good i'm not good and because i just i knew that it would be fine like there was not really any part of me that was like and you know i just i knew logically that it was going to be fine but i was just like oh oh, maybe I'd feel better if I was there. But if I was there, I would have just been doing the same thing. Yeah, but they've got morphine there. They can calm you down. Yeah, they could have calmed me down. Torbs is like comforting me on the side of the thing,

a bit like when Bridget was giving birth and you're like. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm in an absolute flap. I go home and I'm just flapping around the house and Pippa's like, what the fuck is going on? I'm trying an absolute flap. I go home and I'm just flapping around the house and Pippa's like, what the fuck is going on? I'm trying to keep myself busy. And then I get a call from them when he'd come out of surgery. And they go, he's come out.

And I was like, how is he? How's he going? They're like, yep, everything was a success, like nothing to report. You can come and pick him up in one hour. And I was like, okay, cool, that's fine. And they go, pick him up from this entrance because you know how at a hospital there's like 60 fucking different streets and there's a ding-dong entrance and a fling-flong entrance, whatever.

Sorry. I thought we were phasing out more fake names. Well, phasing out means I can still say it but just less. Okay. So that's my one time for the week. Okay. So he's at the ding-dong entrance? So he's at the ding-dong entrance and they go,

call us when you get to that specific entrance. We'll bring him down and then go to the chemist that's like attached to the hospital but it's like on the other side of the grounds to pick up his prescriptions. Great. I'm like, okay, great. So I'm like, cool, I just have to flap for one more hour and then I can go. Actually, like 50 minutes and then I'll get in the car

and I'll be on my way and that'll be fine. So I go to the ding-dong entrance that they tell me to go to and park at the entrance and I call them. Obviously, in the hour between them calling me and me getting there, they had like shift change. Ah. Because then the number that I called, they were like, this is the dedicated number for us.

Like, make sure you call us. Don't call the hospital because you'll get sucked into the directory and you'll never find your way out. You'll never come and pick him up and you'll die. So I call the number back and it's, like, a different nurse. And I go, hey, yep, like, I'm here to pick up Alex Tolland, government name. Yep. And they go, hey, yep, like I'm here to pick up Alex Tolland, government name, and they go, oh, where are you? And I go, I'm at the Ding Dong entrance.

They go, okay, great, and just confirming you've already picked up his medication. And I was like, no. I was told to come here first and get the medication after. Very specific instructions to come to the Ding Dong entrance, call you, pick Torbs up. For someone phasing out Ding Dong, you're giving it a red hot crack. But this is the name that we've given the thing, so I'm the specificity.

No, we'll pay that. Thank you. And you actually said Ding Dong entrance as well, so let's not fucking throw Ding Dongs around. Anyway, so I'm at the specific entrance. That's where they told me to go. They told me to call you. They said they'd bring him down.

Then I'd go. And because I assumed that, like, maybe he would have to be, like, cited for me to get the medication. Maybe, yeah. Because can just anyone go and pick up medication? Not normally. So I was like, obviously he needs to be, like, there to pick it up. And she goes, no, you need to go and pick up the medication first

as if you would leave the patient in the car by themselves. I did think that when you mentioned it earlier. But that's just what they told me. So I was like, okay. I'm with you. That's what they said. But when you said that earlier, I did think that. You're going to leave this dopey dead shit.

But I thought that too. But I was like, it actually makes sense that he would have to be there. So like, okay. But again, you're telling me what to do and I'm just following instructions. I'm not going to question what you're saying to me. Anyway, so this woman, she says to me. Would you say she was gnarky? Was she very overly direct?

She was just direct, yeah. Overly direct? It was quite direct. And I was just like, no, they told me to come and get him first. She was like, we would never tell you that. You need to go to the chemist first. She's gaslighting you. And I was just like, all right, cool.

I just like hung up the phone and then I'm like, all right, I need to get to this chemist. It is where I've parked. You can't leave your car there because it's like a pickup drop-off spot. And the chemist is like on the other side of the grounds of the hospital. So I was like, Torbs is waiting for me to fucking pick him up. I'll just drive around there, run into the chemist, run out, because they're like, it's already there and stuff.

Anyway, I drive around to the chemist. There's no fucking parking there. There's parking like two blocks away. It is like the busiest street in Melbourne. You can't just like stop there. And then so I parked like as close as I could, two fucking blocks away. I sprint down the road. I go, I've got to pick up this medication.

They go, oh, thanks so much for letting us know you're here. We'll start getting it ready. What? No, no. Because she goes to me, yeah, but it's all ready. Like, don't worry about it. And it's not the chemist's fault, but I just had been given like six different pieces of information.

My car is parked horrifically in some dodgy side street where I'm probably not allowed to park. I had not bought it. There was like a ticket, like pay stay thing. I was like, I'm going to be one minute. And my partner is just, in my mind, laying on the ground. Drooling over himself. Just sitting on the floor of the entryway of Ding Dong Lounge.

And I've been flapping since about 9 a.m. Yeah. How did you handle the news? So I'm like puffed. I'm like, I'm here to pick up. And he's like, sweet, that'll be 25 minutes. And he goes, that'll be 15 minutes. I was talking to my sister at the time.

Yeah. Are you crying? Sorry. I just like almost choked from like pretending to be puffed. That's how unfit I am. Which is ironically. So hang on. You're so unfit you've choked because you thought about running.

Thought about being puffed. Anyway, I was messaging my sister and she was like, how is he going? And I was like, oh, I'm like the chemist now. I went, fuck, like all this stuff's gone gone wrong and i just felt like the worst caregiver ever anyway they finally give me the thing i drive around and they put torbs in the car and i'm just in such a flap and i was like how are you feeling and he's like like he can't talk because so he comes out and he's got his headband on with the like like, ice packs on the cheeks. It's like when you see a little dog with a bandage.

Kind of. And he's just, like, so big and tough. And he just, like, was really, like, down in the dumps. He just felt shit. He's, like, all groggy still. His face is, like, long ways, like a fucking foot-long sub in his cheeks. And I'm just in such a flap and I was like, oh, I really need to, like, tone my energy down because he is like in a way.

Yeah. And so. You've had a moment of self-reflection, self-awareness, it's not my time to be flapped, it's my time to be a carer. Yeah, like I need to kind of like bring myself right back down right now because like he really needs me to just like be there for him, everything's about him right now. And how did you go with that?

And so he gets in the car. He's got the headband on. Yeah. And they gave him like one of those little plastic vomit bags. And I am like I really need to just like unflat myself. And so I thought what a great time to make a joke. No, no. You know about medical comedy.

I know. I know. But I was just in make a joke. No, no. You know about medical comedy. I know, I know. But I was just in such a way. You needed to break the ice. I needed to break the ice because I just needed to try and, yeah. Yes, exactly. A surfing breaker. Yes. Hey, every single person who's been a victim of medical comedy

has said this line. Yeah. And so he's sitting there with his vomit bag. He's like drooling. He's fucking got his headband on and his ice packs. And I go, oh, that's nice. They give you a little show bag. And how did he appreciate that?

And so he's sitting in the passenger seat and he looks at me like this. Yeah, tries to turn his head but he he can't. He goes, mm. You're like, come on, mate, let's go. Give me something. And I go, you know what? I actually might work on my tight five later. How are you feeling, mate? Yeah, good.

Good call. Good call. Well, if what the medical comedy was snapped you back into gear, then maybe job done. Maybe it helped, yeah. For what it's worth in the cold, harsh light of day in a room with three people that aren't just falling out of a hospital, good gear. Pretty funny. Yeah.

Yeah, thanks. That's effective. Yeah, so, I mean, maybe it is good. Get a little lolly bag at your party. That is cute. Just this bag for vomiting. Pretty funny. Thanks, guys.

Actually, I needed that and I really appreciate it. You know what? Torbs needs to lift. In that moment. Yeah. Mate, it's not actually about you. Your one-day wife is actually one of the great comedians in our country and she needs an audience better than you're giving her.

Yeah, actually. She's had a rough day. The fucking lady said go to Ding Dong Lounge, not to the chemist, and the chemist wasn't even ready. And you're going to sit here and not laugh at that? This is the most supportive of me you've ever been, and I love to say it. Fuck Torbs.

Thank you. Okay. Do you want? Oh, sorry. Fuck. Little show bag. Okay. Too bad. Oh, sorry. Fuck. Little show bag. Anyway. Yeah.

This is Nikki from Vancouver, Washington, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Tony Shalada. Tony like me. Tony with an I as well. Oh, that's nice. Isaac Med, Nicole Kibler and Back to Brick.

Back to Brick. Back to Brick, the number two. Oh, thank you very much. Back to Brick. Back to Brick, the number two. Oh, thank you very much, Back to Brick. Yeah, that's actually the highest number that Ryan can count to, which is great. Yeah, it's got something in common. On Thursday. Back to Brick, yeah, you're cock.

Sorry about that. I don't know what happened. I just think it blacked out. Between you, Tony, and Cam, can someone give me some trumpets for an announcement? Tony and Cam, can someone give me some trumpets for an announcement? On Thursday, after thousands of people have asked, we have a launch. And that's all I'm saying now.

But this Thursday, we're launching something. Thousands of people have asked for it. Some people might figure it out. But this Thursday, it's happening. And, oh, here's what I'll add. In the promotion of it on Thursday, you'll see a lot of us. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

You're welcome. Yeah, I do. Yeah, you're going to see a lot of us. I reckon more, if possible, more people have asked about this thing that's coming on Thursday than told us about the mashies. That's a big call. It's close. That's a big call. You're not wrong. I mashies. That's a big call. It's close. That's a big call. You're not wrong.

I'm just saying it's a big call. It's comparable. It is comparable. All right. Thursday on the show and on our socials, you'll see it. What time will it be out? I recommend the podcast comes out. So the podcast comes out at 5 a.m.

Melbourne AEST. And then we're the same. We'll put a video out then. Straight out. Yep. And then will the thing be on the go? Yeah, sick. It's on.

Because I've got to put in, you know, I've got to, you know, be aware. You've got to put it out too. Yeah, sorry. You're normally the one putting it in. Cool. 5 a.m. Thursday. AEST.

Cool. 5 a.m. Thursday. AUST. Many people have gone on a journey that I'm considering taking and I want advice from those people. Oh, my God. Well, you just became a father. That's like a huge part of your life. Yeah, no.

That's old news, man. Yeah, sorry. Last week. Becoming a father was a small part of my life, but this might be a big part of my life. I'm thinking of becoming an Apple Watch guy. Oh, I'd love to see that. Well, I don't know if I'd love to see it.

I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know. See, Cam's giving me the filthy fucking look, and I agree with the look, and that's why I'm uncertain about it. Do you think that if you wear a watch, you'll be late less? That's a fucking offensive thing to say to me. Do you think that if you wear a watch you'll be late less? That's a fucking offensive thing to say to me. Do you think? I don't think so.

Because I guess the time's on your phone and you're still late. That's why I'm not a watch guy. I'm not an Apple watch guy. I'm not a watch guy. Do you want to hear something really interesting? Torbs can't wear a watch because if he wears a watch, the time changes. Well, it changes all the time. No.

Time is always evolving. That's hilarious. It's not hilarious. It's a fact. It's so funny. It's a fact. That's not funny. That's not funny.

It's a fact. What do you mean it's funny? That's how time works. Can I blow your mind with a time fact? But can I finish my thing? Please. So if Torbz wears like an analogue watch, it doesn't like all of a sudden,

like if an hour has passed, his will have passed like two and a half hours. Like his body has like too much magnetic in it and it like changes. He like cannot wear a watch. That's one way of looking at it. I would just say his watch is broken. No, no, no, no, because if he puts it on. There's too much metal in his body that he's. I said magnet. There's too much magnet in his body that he's. I said magnet.

There's too much magnet in his body that the arms rotate too fast. It shifts the time. I'm actually not even fucking kidding. Fuck right off. That is bullshit. I'm not even joking. Okay. What we're going to do is we're going to do a live stream with Torbz's arm.

Yep. And we're going to put the watch on and we're going to see how it works out. Okay. So hang on. Can I just say one thing? Please say lots of things because none of what you've said up until now made any sense. He's actually told me that.

I've never seen it. What else? And I'm pretty gullible, so maybe it's not true. Yeah. But I'm thinking it is. I don't think it is. That's what he told me. He's a liar.

He's not. Remember when your mum said that kids from Western Australia can't be in the Australian Girls Youth Choir? What does that have to do with tours? I'm just saying you've got liars in your life. Oh, yeah, speak truth. My flat! Maybe he didn't even have his wisdom teeth out.

Out of all the... Yeah, I don't reckon he did. I just reckon he went in there and his jaw's all fucked up because he sucked off five doctors. And then had to wrap up his jaw. Like, you're going to need some meds, mate. I think out of all the wild fucking bullshit claims that have happened on this show, that is by far the worst and dumbest thing I've ever heard.

It only happens in space. Yeah. Does Torbis live on planet Earth? Guys, okay It's just what he told me Is he an interstellar? Are you married to Matthew McConaughey? No

That'd be alright, alright, alright Wouldn't it? Can I tell you a really fucked up thing about time? I'm really stressed that Torbis is lying to me Well, he might not be lying He could just be a fucking idiot Is he looking at the seconds hand? I'm just gonna

I'm gonna And an hour goes by every minute Look at the second's hand? I'm just going to... An hour goes by every minute. Look at the hands going round and around. Okay, I'm really stressed. I'm going to have to ask him about it later. I've got an amazing fact about time and watches. Oh, okay. That's a great fact.

Sorry, I'm lashing out. I said to someone, here's a photo of me when I was younger, and they said every photo is a photo of something when they were younger. See how it feels? When someone gives you a great fact and they shoot you down. Well, it's not a fact. It's just like one of those like. It's like makes you think, but it's not a fact.

Well, it is a fact. Have you seen a photo of you older? You're getting very defensive. Sorry, I'm lashing out because of the watch thing. No, it's not really a fact, but it is interesting. How is it not a fact? It's not really a fact. How not?

What part of it is not true? Do you remember how mean you were to me about my facts? No, I loved them. I was following them. Don't gaslight me. You were not for my facts. Remember the last show of last year that you gave a good fact and I said, yes, you are great at facts?

Only because I did one's ask what you would like about movies and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, no, you played to the jury's strength. Okay, this is a great fact. I'm really sorry. I'm thrown by the fucking watch thing because he just told me that and I just accepted that as the truth can we call him or is he still like not talking because of his face um we we can try do you actually want to try or do we need to further investigate do we need to

further invest I don't think I can see Tony having a full capitulation on the show I think we need to discuss with Torbs off air. Okay. But you just said how flapped you are. I don't know if you – can you handle finding out the truth? Can you handle the truth? I'm just like so sure that that's a thing, that he – hang on. I'm going to call him.

I don't know if he'll answer. He's at work. Come on. Hi, my love. Hi, my love. You're on the podcast. Okay. Do you remember when you were telling me about like how if you wear a watch. Yeah. What's the thing? That the watch doesn't keep time. So what causes that and how do we know that that's true? Every time I've worn a watch in the last 20 years, within a day it's gone out of time. Do you put batteries in the watch?

Yeah. Are you sure you're looking at the hour's hand and not the second's hand? Yes, I know how to read a watch. Oh, shit. Okay, would you be willing for us to test this on like a live stream or a video or like a time lapse or something? Sure. Okay, great. All right, so the guys did not believe or something. Sure. Okay, great.

All right, so the guys did not believe me and I backed you in, sweetie. Yeah. So you're not prepared to go on the record and say you're a fucking liar? No. Every time I've worn a watch, it's gone out, an analogue watch. Okay. I did specify earlier that it was an analogue watch. You did, you were very clear.

Yeah, yeah. And Torbs, Tony did back you right in and would not hear a bad word about you and your filthy lies, so respect that. Look, I mean, it might have been shitty old watches in the past. Oh, yeah, right. Sweetie. There we go. Sweetie, you can't put it in reverse.

You never come back from putting it in reverse. Thanks, Torbs. Chat to you soon in an hour or so who the fuck knows love you love you alright so the moral of my story is I might buy an Apple Watch who gives a fuck about me everyone some stage coming up

the great test of Dorb's bullshit watch theory get ready for the shittest YouTube video of all time. We sit around for an hour just doing nothing. Actually, he said a day. So what are we going to do? Record of our old day? Surely not. No, surely we're...

I accuse you of not having hobbies. Surely we've got better things to do. I've got an idea. Please. Turn the microphones off. Turn them up. to do. I've got an idea. Please. Turn the microphones off. Turn the mics back on. Turn the microphones back on. Watch this face. We got it.

I'm going to actually talk about Apple Watches some other day because I'm fucking flat for that. I don't think I've got the mental capacity to go on. Oh, and not your fact as well. Fuck you. Good. Good. Can't come back from that! Not your fact as well. Fuck you. Good, good, good. Can't come back from that.

Let's do We Love to See It and move on. Today's been exhausting. I love it. Did I mention before that my jaw really hurt from laughing? It's like tensing up. Do you need surgery on your jaw? Maybe it's your wisdom teeth. Maybe you need to have a look at your jaw.

I will. Yeah, dislocate it like you normally do. Sorry. Okay, I've got a look at me, Joel. I will. Yeah, dislocate it like you normally do. Sorry. Okay, I've got a Yulov to see it here. You know, in a cemetery. How was my delivery there? Sure, yeah. You know how

in a cemetery there's like at all the plots, there's like that plaque. Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. No, I got confused that the word plots has multiple meanings and I was when you said... Plots as in like the story?

Yeah, I was like, oh, how did he die? You was when you said you know lots of you like the story what happened well you know it all started back imagine if everyone had like their full story wikipedia article um no so you know how at all the plots like all of the sections there's like a plaque for each person that is there yeah and then um then there's- Do you really love to see dead people? No, no, no, no. Stay with me because I know it's not looking good at the moment. Stay with me. It's not. But then you know how like at different-

I don't know how many times you've been in a cemetery or like a memorial park, but there's like benches and sometimes the benches have plaques on them. Oh, like this bench was donated from the family or in memory of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this tweet has gone viral, this photo, by Phil Clifton on Twitter and the picture is a bench with a plaque on it in a cemetery and it says, for Barbara, who was awful when hungry but otherwise pretty solid.

And Phil, the caption that Phil's put is, Barbara was highly relatable. Isn't that so sweet? That's like a fun little gag obviously between like either the kids who did it for their mom or like maybe their partner or their wife or husband or whatever remember the womb raider lady who got that huge the big cock on it yeah isn't it great to think and maybe as one of australia's greatest comedians tony lodge you could think about something like this is like the fact that you

can keep providing the lols after you've gone that is my. Okay, so how can we do it and when do we offer you? Fuck. I don't know. We've got time to work on it. We could talk about it later. We've got at least 10, 15 years. Yeah. I just did because of Mabel joining us.

Yes. We've just done the life insurance and updated the wills and stuff. We talked about it on the podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I've left $50,000 to have a party. That's fun. Yeah, and I've given it to Liam because he knows how to throw a party, that guy. That's good. And they're

like, oh, are you family? I'm like, oh, they're alright. They're fine. I just want a big party. I like that. Yeah. I do like that. But I like the lols more probably. Yeah. Maybe I need a rejig. I mean, this podcast will exist in perpetuity forever. Yeah, you can keep listening. You know, like, anyway, what's your, your love set? Now, this joke, I don't, I don't know if it's good,

but it fucking did me right in because I think I'm a victim of what they're getting at. Are you a victim of something comedy? What kind of comedy is this? No, I'm a university student. I've done my MBA and now I'm in business school. No, I'm a university student. Am I not a university student? No, you are. All now I'm in business school. I'm a university student. Am I not a university student?

No, you are. All good. Can you get a student edge card? I do. Do you actually? Hang on, what do you mean edge card? I've got a student edge card.

I've got my student card. Oh my god. Is that the same thing? Can you get really fucking sick deals on like movie tickets and shit? 10% off City Beach. Boost Juice?

Student? I've never flashed this student card. You've got to. Okay, this might be a WA thing. In WA, there's a thing called Student Edge. Hot. And it's like you apply for it with your student number for your school

or whatever, and then they give you a thing, and it's like you get the best discounts. I had a hot pink one. It said Student Edge. Sick. That is cool. Yeah, it was so good. You should see if you can get like sick.

Because you know that you can buy like software really cheaply like as a student and stuff. Oh, yeah. Have you been doing that? I paid a fortune for Adobe. No. What the fuck? I know, I'm an idiot.

Are we paying full price for Adobe? That's dumb. That is dumb. That is dumb. That's really silly. Yeah, you can get such good discounts as a student. I tell you why you get discounts as a student though. It's to make up for the fact that textbooks are fucking priced out of this world.

So when you were at study, it was more of a practical than a textbook, eh? I didn't have a textbook. How much do you think a textbook would be? $30. $200 or $300. Fuck off! Yeah. Get completely and utterly fucked.

So when you say you're using... $300! Yeah. Yeah. Get completely and utterly fucked. So when you say you're using it. $300? Yeah. But are you using it? Yeah, that's the thing. Fucking probably not. Question. These days, though, would textbooks be as expensive because, like,

you do, like, could you get them on a Kindle or something? Do you know what I mean? Like, could they make it? No, they're still, like, so I went to buy a book off Amazon and it was like $120 for just like this book. My book's only $32.99. I know. I could buy, I could find out reasons why I like, what's it called?

I don't know. Therapy. I don't need therapy in other lives, I've told myself. I could read that four times for the price of reading a microeconomics book once. I mean, you got a free copy, obviously. Yeah, but then I bought one for support. Yeah.

The one that you got sent, that was from the publisher. You didn't buy one, did you? No, we did. So then we could give it to Alison Roman. Oh, okay. So the business bought it. No, I put it on my account. Write that off.

Yeah, we need to reimburse Cam for that. But what happens, so say if you've got three or four subjects. Oh my God. And you're a student. That's like, you know, that's a lot of, big chunk of change.

Obviously we're like, you're a student, like you are genuinely a student, but when you're a student, student, yeah, full-time student, yeah,

full-time student and you're working and making peanuts at Coles or Maccas or something. So, here's this news. Sorry, we've really built this up yeah here's this news story police

have arrested a university bookstore worker who stole twenty thousand dollars worth of textbooks is the headline on this local news thing and he like legit news story he got busted stealing 20 thing and so the top comments of the story man i hope they recover both of those books And so the top comments of the story, man, I hope they recover both of those books. That was a long walk around but a big drink of water. That was good. I'm glad that got a laugh because I was like, fuck,

this has been a big build up. Yeah. Oh, mate, look at me with my show bag. I know how stressful joke telling can be. No, that's fucking funny. Does it have heaps of likes? Yeah. There's nothing I like more than liking a comment

and then you go 12,000 other people will like this. I'll tell you what you like more. That gets me going. There is one thing better than that in the world. Your comment getting that. Yeah. I've got one that's popping off at the moment. On what page?

It's so 100% that Tim posted this video and I commented on it Your comment getting that. Yeah. I've got one that's popping off at the moment. On what page? So 100% that Tim posted this video and I commented on it and it's like this old relatable video and it's got thousands of likes on it. Your comment does? Yeah. Fuck yeah. How good does it feel? And then every time it pops up and it's like all these people like, I'm like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Very good. Anyway. That is very good. Tomorrow on the show we have confessions. These are top confessions. And one of the confessions, whilst it's a bit sneaky, I reckon at a guess 62% of people listening are going to hear it and go. 62%?

Yep. That's very. Are you doing statistics at uni? Yeah. They're going to hear it and go. I just turned myself on with me saying that. It's called data analysis. Data analysis. Data anal-sis?

Sorry. 62% of people are going to hear about this confession and go, ooh, maybe I should try that. Okay. All right, stick around. And I reckon, maybe not you, Tony, but I reckon your partner Torbs might try it. Wearing a watch.

Two things. Two things. All right, that's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Wearing a watch. Two things. Two things. That's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.