Toni and Ryan - The BEST time to have sex

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

We wanna hear your first car tales ❤️ Love u xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm the vice captain of the ship. Our captain, author and doctor, Tony Lodge is in the house. Hello. I've hummed you up too much. Yeah, that was too much. I really have to perform. We are calling Chloe, who I believe is in the Mallee, which is like... The Mallee? That's like the desert out near like Mildura.

Oh, I've never even heard of that. I think. But the reason you may not have heard of it is because I may have just made that up. So let's just call Chloe and see how we go. She's going to be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Maybe. I'm nervous. No, back it in.

Hi, Chloe speaking. Chloe, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, we're good, Chloe speaking. Chloe, it's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? Yeah, we're good, Chloe. Now, Chloe, I've just made a wild assumption and I've seen the word Mali and I said I think that's the desert out near Mildura.

Is that vaguely correct? Yeah, so I'm about an hour and a half from Mildura. Yes. I've never even heard of that, Chloe. How are the oranges out there? Good? Yeah, they're actually really good. There we go.

That's Mildura, isn't it? Citrus? Yeah. Yeah. What are you farming though, Chloe? I'll take that. I'm not farming on anything. I actually work on a grain site, so we take in like wheat and barley.

Oh, you're farming grain? You're farming grain. Yeah, what are you fucking talking about? As far as our city folks think, as far as our city folks believe, if you're making something that someone actually uses and has a benefit to society, you're farming. Yeah, I

farmed milk from the fridge this morning. I'll take it. Sure, I'll take that. Chloe, will you approve today's podcast? I would love to. Oh, will you approve today's podcast? I would love to. Oh, actually, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Chloe, I have said some blasphemous things about girls named Chloe

before in the live stream and the podcast. Do I owe you an apology? You do, yes. Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I said that Chloe's are always, like, it's always a Chloe. Oh, I thought that was Brianna. No, Briannas have fucking psychos, don't get me wrong, and I stand by that.

But Chloe's are like, they're always like a wild card. Like, if someone's dating a Chloe, like, fucking just take care of yourself, bro. And that's what I'm trying to take back because, as we now know, Chloe is a farmer and producing great stuff for the country, so thank you to Chloe. Oh, my God. And we were worried about me performing today. Oh, my God.

Hey, it's Chloe from The Melly, and I approve this podcast. Not that people don't appreciate us anyway. It's a public holiday in Melbourne today. You're welcome. The football, the AFL Grand Finals on tomorrow, Brisbane versus Collingwood, people are getting around it. We have a day off for football because we live in Melbourne. Yep.

But we're still here. Tony's off to the show today. I am so excited. So excited. I don't know if they still have them, but can you get me the Birdie Beetle show bag? Yep. Do they still have them? I think so.

They better. They used to only be like a dollar. Good luck now. Mate, do you know how expensive show bags are? Oh, they've always been quite expensive. But to be honest, I haven't actually looked through much of the stuff. So my sister has just moved to Melbourne and she's married. She's got two kids. And I was like, I'm going to take the boys to the show.

And she was like, oh, we actually were going to go anyway. So going is like a big family day out. Oh, good. So they can pay for the show back. Well, yeah. So I was like, great. So your children aren't going to be like, Aunt Toddy, can I have blah? Even though I would give them whatever they wanted.

So maybe they'll probably, they're going to double team me like a cat. Like, you know how cats like go to other houses and eat dinner? They're going to go, oh, mum, can I have a Bertie Beetle? She's going to go, yeah. And then they're going to come to me and go, aunt Toddy, can I have a Bertie Beetle? I go, yeah. They're going to end up with two Bertie Beetles.

I'm being played. I've got to have an eye out for that today. That kind of behaviour. RIP Tony's credit card. Actually, yeah, fuck. But I'm very excited. Train. R.I.P. Tony's credit card. Actually, yeah, fuck. But I'm very excited. Train? So the thing is, is that I was like, let's catch the train.

But from our house, like where Tobs and I live, it's like a tram, then a bus, then a train, then another bus or something. It's like not a practical. Just walk down to Burnley Station and catch a train. No, but then when you get on the train, it's like another bus and tram from there or something. No.

Yeah, I looked at it. It takes over an hour on public transport to get there from my house. You can walk there in four minutes. Slight under. What's the opposite of exaggeration? What? It's not that far is what I'm saying. No, I know, but I'm saying like.

Yeah, I mean, it's ludicrous. Who's in charge of the public transport in this town? So I looked and I was like, yeah, because we'll just get the train because the parking is like $25 for the day or something. What the fuck? You could buy probably a third of a Birdie Beetle show bag for that. Well, I could probably go drive to the airport and park there for cheaper and fly back to the thing.

Get a chopper in? Yeah. That'd be a very inconspicuous way to roll in. Although I reckon the nephews would be like. I think that would be pretty cool. Toddy's a baller. Yeah. Today's a video show as well, by the way.

You can watch it on the Spotify app. Hello. We will be getting to all I know is what Tony's written down here. When is the best time to have sex? Anytime, am I right? But nah, seriously. That's coming up. I love that.

I was just talking about my family. Like, oh, yeah, I'm so excited about my family. Anyway. Yeah, well, where do they come from? That's great, isn't it? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Wow. Too much. That's my sister. That's my sister isn't it? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Wow. Too much. That's my sister. That's my sister and my partner, yeah. Sorry, I can't stop thinking about that. That's so weird. Thinking about them doing it. Thinking about anybody doing it.

When they stayed at your place, Jack and Leigh did it. They didn't stay there at the same time. So? So, no. Not with each other at least. But, like, did you ever get, like, when in high school or whatever, if, like, a teacher was pregnant or, like, a teacher was like, oh, my partner's about to have a baby or whatever, and you'd be like.

Oh, gross. Yeah. Like, weird. Yeah. Yeah, because you'd be like, oh, teachers do it. Yeah, it's disgusting shit. That's why I didn't like weird. Yeah, because you'd be like, oh, Dee, just do it. Yeah, it's disgusting shit. That's why I didn't like school. Okay, I'll let that one go.

Can I just give a shout out to your first car? To first cars in general. Do you remember the day you got the keys to your first car? Yep. Do you feel like everyone just remembers that first moment when they got a car? Totally. Or I would argue just as good,

especially if you're a bit younger than your best friend, when your best friend got their car. Yep. Because a car. It's a ticket to freedom. It's not a car. It's a ticket to do anything the fuck you want. Yep.

And for your whole life you've been asking for a ride. Am I allowed to go here? Or waiting for the bus. Yep. Waiting for your helicopter to the want. Yeah. And for your whole life you've been asking for a ride. Am I allowed to go here? Am I allowed to go there? Or waiting for the bus. Yeah. Waiting for your helicopter to the show. Yeah. Oh, and that's just such a drama, isn't it?

The air traffic. Waiting for the train and the bus and the tram. Yeah. And I want everyone to think about their first car because I'm guessing, unless you're like a fucking – your parents are doing pretty well. Yeah. They're all kind of similar. They're all just a bit shit, eh?

But that's kind of the charm of a first car. I think that's the charm for sure. What was your first one? So I drove my dad's work ute for a bit when I got my licence. So he had his like, oh, this sounds awful, but he had his weekend car and he had a work ute. And the work ute was like shoddy and like fucked and like it was-

All the tools and the crap and the whatever. Yeah, and like it had power steering but like sometimes it just like wouldn't work and you'd be like hoofing around the corner and then it would kick in and you'd be fucking like backed into yourself. My old Toyota Yaris had one of the great turning circles i think i've told you once yourself in the bum i backed into myself yeah and i was like fuck the turning circle i was trying to explain to my niece who's about to turn 18 i said something about power steering and she

was like what's that because not that she didn't know she doesn't know what's not power steering it's pretty rough it's like biceps of steel not having. Anyway, and so I drove that for a while. But then the car that my mum and dad bought me was a 2005 three-door red Hyundai Getz, 1.6 litre. It was beautiful. And the person that we bought. To the power of a lawnmower. Oh, yeah.

And, like, the people we bought it off, they were doing FIFO. Yeah. And so they only used it two days out of the month or something. Yeah, right. But they had, like, they were, like, cashed up bogans. So they'd put, like, sick rims on it and, like, a big stereo and stuff. Yeah, sick. I'm pretty sure mum and dad paid, like, $4,000 for it.

Whoa. Like, they just, they got, like, a really good deal. Yeah. And, yeah, like, and loved it and I remember getting it. And then mum and I spent the whole weekend like cleaning it all out and like armour all on the tyres and shit, like all that stuff. And at the time you were like, I'm going to keep this car really clean. I'm going to armour all the tyres once a week.

Yep. And my dad's like, well, you've got to check the oil, you know, dad stuff. But, yeah, and I didn't. Yeah, no. But he did. You never armoured the tyres again. You probably never washed it again. No, probably not. But, yeah, and I didn't. But he did. And you never armoured the tiles again. You probably never washed it again. No, probably not.

But yeah, and I was so proud of it. And I remember picking up like a girlfriend of mine and like going to Macca's. Yeah. And that was like a real big moment. Going through the drive-thru. Yeah. Yeah. And like I bought one of those.

Do you remember those like iPod things and it like tuned into the radio? Oh, yeah. And you had to find a spare channel. The frequency of the thing. Oh, 86.4 is vacant yeah yeah and then you'd like tune it all in and it would sound so dodged but you'd be like cool i can listen to the black eyed peas in my car without a cd you know what i mean like so cool um my first car was a ford wagon oh that's cool yeah and i i am love going to music festivals and so i was like oh if you a wagon, we can sleep in the back. It sounds like it would be really good for a drive-in cinema.

Nothing's good for a drive-in cinema. I'm trying to get there. Yeah. So the theory is like we're going to go to festivals all summer long. So then Dave Parsons and I, we get to Falls Festival. He's such a hottie. Yep. Love him and his partner. We follow each other on Festival. He's such a hottie. Yep. Love him and his partner.

We follow each other on Instagram. We chat. That's nice. Yep. So we've had a few beers at Falls Festival. It's time to hit the hay. Yeah. We get in the back of the Falcon.

Together. Yeah. And about 15 minutes later, Dave goes, sort of not that comfy, eh? And I'm like, nah, it's really not, is it? Oh, no. But we had a spare tent. My mate Evie had a spare tent or whatever. So we'll just put the tent up anyway.

And so for three years I was like researching wagons and we slept in it for like 12 minutes. Side note. I'm really sorry because there's nothing worse than when it just like doesn't work. You know what I mean? Well, I think it was just like the convenience. But also having a wagon for the festival is great because you have the space.

Pack all the stuff in, yeah. I love the look of a wagon too. Like, you know, when you see those like Subaru like Foresters or like a Liberty wagon or something, they're just cool. So this girl wakes up in our tent and she wakes up in the morning and goes, what the fuck are you two doing in our tent? And me and Dave go, this is our tent. And then she unzips and goes, yeah.

Where's my tent? I go, I don't know. I don't know who you are. Yeah, and she goes, okay, and just walked off. It was Bridget. No. So I hope everyone can just take a breath and a moment today to appreciate their first car.

And I want to send a shout out to Marcos. Hi, Marcos. Selling his first car. And I want to send a shout out to Marcos. Hi, Marcos. Selling his first car and he has written the description on like a Craigslist type vibe. Sure. And- Did you get your first car from Gumtree? Mine was from Gumtree. I feel like that's a real Aussie thing.

Yeah, Gumtree. It wasn't car sales because you had to like pay to put that up. These people were like, this car is not worth us paying to put that up. Yeah. I'm trying to get two grand for this car. Will I pay $19.50 to advertise it? put the ad up. These people were like, this car is not worth us paying to put the ad up. I'm trying to get two grand for this car. Will I pay $19.50 to advertise it? No. Fuck no.

It's not worth it. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure Craigslist must be free. Yeah. Because Marcos is gone. Yeah. Nah. It's not worth paying the ad.

Yeah. And let me just read the job ad. And at first I'm like, well, this doesn't sound like a car I want to buy. But the more honesty gets, the more I start to feel like a bit of heart and soul is in this car. Also, thanks to Avery Lee who tweeted, just gave me the heads up on Twitter and went, hey, Ryan, you might want to check this out. This is a bit of you? Okay.

Pretty sure some scrub working for Pablo Escobar owned this car before I did. working for Pablo Escobar owned this car before I did. Looks like it's seen more gang activity than Selena's. It looked like it enlisted at the front of the Vietnam War and did nine tours. It has driven through more fences than Mr. T and the A-Team. Not only does it look stolen, but it looks like it's been repeatedly stolen, found in a ditch and then driven back home again.

This thing is proof that a car can be involved in multiple collisions and still somehow have a clean title. Oh, my God. It's currently being held together by more duct tape than one of those dumb duct tape wallets that you made in high school. Don't pretend you didn't. We all made it. I can list things that work on the car,

but I can also list a longer list of things that don't list on the car. So let me hit a few high points for you. This thing averages about 30 in the city and 40 on the highway. Although beware getting it on the highway. She starts rattling. Therefore, the tape, as previously mentioned. Right, okay. The tape is functional.

Yeah. This car is for somebody who cares about nothing in life than getting those killer miles per gallon. Because for some reason, you just fill her up and she just doesn't die and just goes and goes and goes. It's an attention getter, but probably not the attention you want. You go, I want a show-stopping car, and they go, have I got the one for you? Yeah, it's not the one that's going to get you a girl, probably, but.

It's so bad, it's very unsubtle. Probably not great for drug trafficking, even though, oddly enough, it looked like it sold a lot of drugs in its time. Give me a call, fam. Let's make a deal. Oh, he hasn't even listed a price. He's just like, look, let's just, you know, take it off my hands. It is a 2001 Honda.

So it's like over 20 years old. Yeah. And it looks rough. Do you have a photo there? Oh, it's like over 20 years old. Yeah. And it looks rough. Do you have a photo there? Oh, it's okay if you don't. If you're watching, I'll put it on the screen now. I can imagine what the, like I'm picturing it right now. I mean, it's a first car.

You know that you're going to get into a little Lara Bingle or something. Oh, actually, it's worse than I thought. Oh, no. Have a look. Oh, it's got that sun peeling on the front. Oh, no, that's never been parked in a garage. Oh, and sorry, the title on Craigslist is Clapped Out 2001 High Under Inside.

You know what? Good for you. What a hustle. Same. He's like, I might get 500 bucks, 1,000 bucks for this. Oh, and he's asking for two grand. Oh, well, I don't think he's going to get it. Hey, it's Chloe from the Melly, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. That's Tony and Ryan Podcast. Heather Shelley, good on you, Heather. Thank you. Thanks, Heather. Kimberley Majors. Kimberley Majors. Jordan Stewart, good on you, George.

Thank you. The Druckert, big Druck. Big Druck. We're back to the top of the list. Yeah, we are. Kira Adams and Rebecca Chatao. Chatao. Thank you so much. Thanks for the Chatao.

Oh, nice. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to see it and very blessed. Oh. Just, it's a public holiday. Sure. I don't know. Let's wrap this up, dog, because you've got a show to get to.

Got somewhere to be. You've got a helicopter to catch. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's booked. I've got to go. I want to know, when do you think is the best time to have sex? Now, does the question imply, like, the most likely time to convince your partner? Oh, God.

Or does it mean, like, it feels the best at this time? I think you're thinking about the question too much. No, but, like, you know how I think we've talked about this before, but whether you're, like, a morning person or right before, like, say you're both hopping into bed at the same time and you go, might as well, or I don't know, like Torbs and I, every Sunday afternoon. I know not to message on a Sunday afternoon. It's because if we've got like a booked in, sounds bad,

but then we know that we've got like a time every week where we go, oh, like that's kind of there for that because we know we're not going to book anything else in because, sorry, there's something in my eye. Are you okay, mate? On a Sunday? Yeah. What day is it today? Oh, God.

Is it a hair that's been via? Sorry, I don't know what happened. I'll just do the rest of Charlotte's. She's looking at me like a pirate. But, like, yeah, what time do you think, like, when are you kind of like, oh, this is for me? It'd be the morning. Like, so you both wake up.

It's the morning on a day off where we're not, because usually you're up and you're off to work. But I think the fact that like, A, you're already in bed, you've got no place to be, and you've kind of slept in. You're all warm still and you've got that like oozy-goozy morning vibe. Yeah, and I'm a hugger and a spooner. Yeah. And I think like a Sunday morning spoon or a Saturday morning

because you like just can really embrace the sleeping. Yeah. And then, you know, like spooning can. Lead to forking. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard that. Where's that night? Oh, nah.

Well, Torbs and I. By the time I get to bed, like we don't go to bed at the same time. That's exactly what I was about to say. And by the time I get to bed, I'm just like, oh, I can't be fucked. Like, last night even, I fell asleep on the couch. Like, literally can't be fucked. No one can fuck me right now. But, like, last night I fell asleep on the couch at 9 o'clock.

Torbs was like, why don't you go to bed, sweetie? And then he was probably up until 1 o'clock, like, just fucking around. Like, probably. Finding some strays in Richmond. No, he's doing his stuff on the computer, a game. Yeah, he's, like, playing a game or, like, he watches heaps of YouTube and, like, reads lots of books and stuff. He's just, like, super into learning.

So he's always doing something or other, like, online. Anyway, do you remember on the pod once we talked about i think someone might have shared it as a comment that like when you have a night where you're both in bed together and maybe you both like wake up in the middle of the night at the same time and you go fuck you want to and you go oh yeah and but you both kind of like half asleep maybe you've just woken up from like a sexy dream and you go, I'm ready to go. I'm halfway ready to roll. Yeah, I'm halfway there.

In fact, get in quick, sweetheart. I'm a guaranteed winner. Yeah, exactly. No, they're a great one. They're a great one. I think that's a great one as well. And the other night, earlier in the week. Is it a question or do you just know like when you both,

when you realise they're awake and you kind of just know. You go, we here you don't go like you kind of just like it's on i reckon yeah and because it's kind of like it's quite exciting yeah because you kind of go oh my god this is like it's like a hookup more like yeah because you just kind of both like right place right time you know what i mean it's like the craziest thing from that is like you wake up the next morning go did that happen just wake up in the middle yeah but it's kind of like you would never plan to go yep cool meet you at 1am because we've been here we've been doing it for 10 years like we're never gonna be like oh yeah i'll wait like our alarm's gone off let's do it side note when we're in sydney this girl who was really drunk pulled over in a taxi and was like, Tony and Ryan, I fucking love you. She came and gave us a hug.

Tony got drunk from her breath. Then she got back in the car after her partner was like, I don't know who these two are. Get back in the car. Get back in the car. And then she drove off. She would have woken up the next morning and gone, did I see Tony and Ryan in Sydney last night?

The craziest thing was that I assumed she was getting out at the hotel that we were getting out at because she was staying there, but she didn't. She got back in the taxi. She got back in the car and they left again. Yeah. So I don't know how that – I'm very confused by that. That is what's actually keeping me up at night, not my boyfriend. I'm like, where was Tamika going, you know?

Shout out to Tamika in Sydney. Yeah, good on you, girlfriend. And yes, that did happen, Tamika. That did happen, yeah. If you were questioning whether it did, it absolutely did. So earlier this week, it's, you know, I've been in bed for a few hours because I'm like in a deep sleep. Don't say deep.

And I get this like rub on the shoulder. Oh. And I'm like, sweetie, sweetie. And I get this rub on the shoulder and I'm like, fucking, okay. And I'm like, roll over. And, like, you know when you, like, look cute? You know you look cute because you're all warm and you're all like, what is it?

Someone's about to be a little thief in the night. Literally. Steal my innocence. Here we fucking go. You know what I mean? I'm a naughty girl. I want to take that back. Use an ass to mouth this week. I'm want to take that back. You said ass to mouth this week.

I'm going to take that back. Okay. Anyway. Let's move on. Me saying ass to mouth has nothing to do with what you just said. No, but you got to take that back and I'd really like to take that back. You threatened that I should take it back and then you rescinded my ability to rescind. No, you rescinded.

No, it's fine. You're a naughty girl. We get it. We get it. That's what you said. I'm a night demon. Anyway, and I hear like this. A night demon waiting for a night steaming.

Oh, and I'm just like, sweetie, sweetie. And the rub on it. It's like a gentle wake up, which is just the best. And I'm like, God, can I feel your bloody weapon in me back or what? Anyway. Do you want to take that? No. I'm backing that in.

Don't. Yeah. Apparently so. So I kind of roll over and I'm like, what's happening? Let's do this. And he goes, I just passed the four suit spider solitaire. Is that a good word for something? No.

He woke you up to tell you that? You know the game Spider Solitaire? I could imagine. Well, it's like regular Solitaire. It's Solitaire. Who gives a fuck? But it's Spider. Don't wake me up.

Don't even tell me tomorrow when I'm awake. But especially don't come and wake me up. I thought I was about to get railed. And you're telling me about Solitaire? No. Get rid of him. New partner. Newed. Literally. And you're telling me about Solitaire? No. Get rid of him. Right. New partner.

New partner. Everyone, tinder.com slash Tony Lodge. She is available. I'm swiping. I'm on the prowl. Yeah, she's swiping. You get in there swiping and just put in your bio, don't give a fuck about Solitaire,

do give a fuck about taking care of you and your needs. Into fringes. So the game Spider Solitaire, right? For anyone that doesn't know, it's like Solitaire, but it's harder because you have to anyway. I already am bored. I actually Googled the definition of this game. Spider Solitaire is a simple card game similar to Solitaire.

The object is to arrange the cards sequentially and by suit. Move cards by placing them on the eight piles in descending order following suit basically if you play with one suit it's very easy because all the cards can go on top of each other look you've gone back to sleep there's no way i'm fucking you now the thing is is that the more suits you play with the harder it is and to hang on how much you didn't give a fuck when he told you that? No. So the thing is, right, didn't give a fuck, like literally. Yeah, literally. But I also don't give a fuck about this.

I'm more concerned about you getting laid. Okay. Let me just explain. I was all revved up. Hang on. Hang on. When you started the story. Now I'm so flaccid.

So the more suits you do, the harder it is. And Torbs and I have been. There's nothing hard about this story. Now I'm so flaccid. So the more suits you do, the harder it is. And Torbs and I have been. There's nothing hard about this story. Hang on. So we've been playing this like at night, like on our phones, and we kind of go, oh, like two suit. Oh, just did a three. Oh, I'm so close.

And neither of us had gotten a four suit. So it was kind of like a big thing in our house. Were you impressed by this? Well, no, because I thought I was going to get my fucking rocks off. Rocks off. Sorry. I almost meant to say something else. Anyway, and then he tells me about this spot, and I was like, mate,

not only could that have not waited until the morning, I really thought something else was happening here. And I was like, oh, awesome. And he goes, yeah, night. And then I was like, oh, you had a free kick in there. And he goes, oh, well, I'm going to try again. He keeps playing solitaire. I was like.

I thought you were going to say he expected you to be like so turned on by his prowess. Well, I was already halfway there. And so I was like. Did you let him know that he just blew his chance? No pun intended. Well, because all of a sudden I was a bit like, what? I'm half asleep still.

But all of a sudden I'm like, hang on. Did that happen? And then in the morning I was like, hey, did you wake me up? And he goes, yeah. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? Right. And I was like, hey, did you wake me up? And he goes, yeah. Can you believe that? It's 11 o'clock. Can you believe that? Right?

And I was like, oh. Did you tell him that he missed an opportunity? And I was like, oh, I thought you were waking me up for, you know. And he was like, oh, nah. I was like, oh, okay. And then it reminded me of, do you remember that time when Torb said to me, like, Tony, I've ordered something online that's battery powered and going to change our life?

And I was like, fuck, here we go. And I heard what I thought was a sex toy from the bedroom, but it was a fucking electric lint roller. The lint roller. Yeah. The lint roller, yeah. And I was like, oh, I thought that, you know, we were going to have a bit of fun.

And he goes, oh, yeah, we are. We are. And he's fucking, like, linting away. Well, to be fair, I haven't seen a ball of l. And he goes, oh, yeah, we are. We are. And he's fucking like linting away. Well, to be fair, I haven't seen a ball of lint on you since that arrived. Yeah, I mean, we're having fun at home. Don't you fucking worry about it. Not worried at all. So what I would love to hear.

When did you think you were going to get railed? When did you think you were getting lucky? But there was just, it wasn't even, it wasn't like, oh, maybe not tonight. It was just like not even in the other person's mind. Like you completely misread a situation. Can we also, if in the episode thread, ask the opposite? Because nothing does me, like annoys me when I find out later that like I had a chance and I didn't realise at the time.

Because Torbz the next morning goes, oh, is that what you thought? Oh, fuck. Yeah, we could have had some. Yeah. Do you remember after the music festival in Bunbury, that girl came back to my house? Yes. She goes, oh, I don't have a phone charger.

Can I come back to your house and charge my phone? Yeah. And then I said, oh, my phone charger's by my bed. And she's like, cool, can I just sleep here tonight? And I was like, yep, good night. Yeah, Leesh. And you've been kicking yourself ever since, right? Ashley, I think her name is.

Oh, if you're listening, Ash, let us know. She goes, yeah, I love Spider-Soul. She, like, I think that there is, it's almost two separate conversations. But, yeah, if you've got a time when you look back on it and you go, oh, I was definitely going to get lucky, or when did you think you were getting lucky but the other person just had no idea because I felt like I'd been pied, like I'd been like, you know what I mean?

That's an interesting. That's like they say that on Geordie Shore. Pied. Yeah, like he's pied me. Like, nah. You know what that means? Oh, cream pie. That's what it sounds like. Oh, no, that's not what, cream pie. That's what it sounds like.

Oh, no, that's not what it is. But that's what it sounds like. Oh, well, I wasn't cream pie'd, so. I don't know what a cream pie is. Oh. What is it? I don't think I'm going to explain it to you. Should I Google it?

Let's all watch you Google it. How can you not know what that is? It's easy. Oh, it's just coming up with the story about that woman in the Northern Territory that got hit in the face with a crayon. Put it into Urban Dictionary. It says cream pie, a food. Oh, that looks yummy. I love cream pie.

You going to Urban Dictionary? Yeah. Okay. The act of unprotected penile ejaculation and insemination inside the vagina. Oh. Do they put it in a sentence? He came inside me so much it felt like it was drooling out,

the perfect cream pie. It's just not what I thought it was. So when you said before... He pied me. I'd like to take back what I said. Ryan said arse to mouth. Oh, my love to see it is TARPA is on Urban Dictionary. Isn't that amazing?

Amazing. I cannot believe that. That wasn't my plan, do you love to see it? That's a bonus, do you love to see it? Bonus, do you love to see it? And in a sentence it goes, oh, do you listen to Tony and Ryan podcast? Yeah, I've been in TARPA for ages. That's now on Urban Dictionary.

That is really cool. My real, you love to see it. Oh, bonus. Is from Nik cool. My, really love to see it. Oh, bonus. Is from Nikita. Hi, Nikita. I started oil painting around a year ago and I went to a workshop at a studio, you know, teach you how to do it and set you all up. That's cool.

And there's a little teacher that can give you little helps and tips and stuff. I love that. I saw there was a fine art prize that was asking for entrance and I thought, oh, I'm really enjoying this. Maybe in a few years, you know, I might be in a position art prize that was asking for entrance and I thought, oh, I'm really enjoying this. Maybe in a few years, you know, I might be in a position to like enter that. Yeah. Little did I know that my teacher secretly entered me

in this year's one. My teacher secretly entered me in this year's competition. Cream pie. This is Nikita's moment. Hi, Nikita. Love you. Yep. It got a place in the exhibition.

Now I get to go to a fancy dinner and awards night. Probably not going to win anything because, like I said, I'm pretty new, but I get to meet the other artists, my paintings on display, and I've never felt more proud. Now, she said I've only just started. Have a look, and I'll put this on the screen in the video show. Have a look at Nikita's oil painting. What?

That looks like... That's incredible. No, Cam, we're looking at the painting, not the subject. The subject is a naked man and he's facing the other way. Cam's about to oil lamp painting. The thing is, is that is absolutely beautiful. And you've already won. You don't need to win anything because that's absolutely beautiful.

People will buy that. That is incredible. I've got a hot tip. Oh. Oh, it's just a statement. My cousin, they bought a calligraphy set from like Amazon or came out. That's like a couple of bucks. Yeah.

But it's like, it just washes off. So it's like you dip the paintbrush because the canvas must, when it's wet, it's coloured, but then it just dries. Yeah. So if you've got kids, they can's coloured, but then it just dries. Yeah. So if you've got kids, they can draw on it and then it just dries and you can go again and again and again. So they're meant for artists. But, like, if you've got kids, it's so much fun.

And I think I'll love it. That is fun. Yeah. And I was doing all the calligraphy stuff and I was like, I'm all about this now. Oh, great. Hence why I've still got this oil painting. And I was like, us artists, we get it.

Art town. We get it. I get it. Just from artist to artist, we get it. Well, I've got another quite artistic You Love To See to share. So it's great that it all goes together. Shara Lee posted this in our Facebook group in a You Love To See It thread. Ribs.

I have never seen ribs and not loved to see them. And, you know, as a food artist, you would be proud of your ribs, wouldn't you? Yeah. So, Shara, love to see that. Love to see that. Ribs, fucking oath. Did she mention any sauce or condiments? She said, yummy, juicy, saucy ribs.

Need I say more? No. And no. You've said it all. Saucy. I don't actually need to know what kind of sauce. If it says saucy, I'm there. I'm in.

Yep, absolutely. So, Shara, Nikita, everyone's in. Love that. Love to see that. Is it too early? Oh, no, you've got to go to the Royal Show today. But, I mean, I could run late for some ribs. If the ribs are going, I'm staying.

And I've always said that. We'll never do that. All right. Should we? Do you want to come to the Royal Show? No. No, I don't. That's a shame.

I'll take Mabes when she's old enough. Yeah, no, she'd love that. Yeah. And that can be like your thing. Yeah. That actually dips because someone else in your family is going to try and take that away from me. And I'll be like, no, that's Aunt Toddy's job. Yeah, Aunt Toddy takes mabes to the show.

When we're in Texas, we're in Dallas and Fort Worth. Yep. And Arlington. Oh, it's a whole thing. I'm going to get some cowboy boots. Yeah. What's your, like, in your mind? And Cam, let me know your thoughts as well.

Like, if you say you had one Texas meal, what does your mind wander to? Barbecue. Yeah, but like, is it ribs? Is it just a straight-up steak? Is there something? Mine is probably, like, the pit barbecue, like when you get the big, like, hunks of meat. You know when they give it to you on a tray and it's, like,

a little bit of sausage, some brisket, like it's a bit of everything? Out in 2024, plates in trays. Yeah. Do you know what I've realised about myself recently? I eat with my hands heaps. Like, if I'm out for dinner or whatever... Spider solitaire, see you later. Nah, I eat with my hands a lot.

Yeah. And I've never noticed it. Like, I'll be like... Haven't you? I'll have a fork in one hand and then I'll pick with my hands as well. All right, out in 2024, plates and cutlery. And cutlery. I'm in.

Just like pigs at the trough, just put a tray in front of us. I'll put my hands behind my back and just let me go at it. Yep. Like a duck to water. And then we'll have dinner after as well. Okay. Eat now, tell you what. What's your Texas meal?

100%. Yeah, a plate of big brisket. Sorry. That big tray. Tray of brisket. Tray of brisket. I'll beg you what. What's your Texas meal? 100%. Yeah, a plate of big brisket. Sorry. That big tray. Tray of brisket. I'll beg your pardon too. And the pit master is the jolliest, nicest Texan man you've ever met. Oh, yeah.

And they've got that big apron on that says, like, smoke them if you got them or something. Mr Cook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't say that. All right, Tony, enjoy the show.

Everyone in Melbourne, enjoy your long weekend. Everyone else, enjoy your regular weekend. And we'll chat to you on Monday. Love you, bye. Go the Lions. Woo!