Toni and Ryan - The Burns Unit

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Taubs has an injury which was made worse with a.... burn. And Ryan has committed a social sin. Love ya! Toni xo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Welcome, good morning. Best-selling author Tony Lodge over here. My name is Ryan and we are calling Kyra. Kyra? Kira, probably? Surely. Are you backing that in?

Yes. What did I say? Hello? Hi, is that Kira? It's Kyra, hi! Oh, yes! That's what I said and Tony is wrong. Kyra, you're right.

Maybe, yeah, you're right for once, Ryan. Maybe I'll go down to the chiropractor. Kyra, would you be Kyra enough to approve this podcast? I'd love to approve this podcast. Yay! Hi, it's Kyra from Penguin in Tasmania, and I approve this podcast. All right, on today's show, which is a video show, by the way, you can also watch it on the Spotify app or your smart TV as well as listen.

But coming up today, Victims of Medical Comedy Edition 4000. 6,000. Yeah, great. And who is the main culprit this time? Two people were involved. Three people actually were involved. It was a three-person thing. You'll see.

Okay. You'll see. It wasn't just me this time, though. It wasn't. And that's the important part. It wasn't. It's not me. It was.

It's not just me. It's not just me. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's coming up. But first, there are two kinds of people in this world. There are two kinds of people in this world.

People who lay down to get a massage and those complete psychopaths that like sit in the chair or the stool and kind of get lent over a little bit. Oh, like those and it's got like the cushion where you're like half would be kind of thing. I've never, see I thought, okay, sorry, a lot of things going through my mind. I've never done one of those. Yeah, because you're not a complete psychopath. But I thought it was for like a certain type of massage. I think it's, yeah, it's definitely like a neck, shoulder, head scenario.

Yeah. But I think it's also associated with when you get like the 10-minute neck and shoulder. Yeah. They're like, oh, 10 minutes. There's no point going to get in chain. Like just sit down and we'll get straight into it. And I just also would assume it had something to do, like,

with the posture you have to hold to be, like, relaxed in the right. Because, you know, when you're, like, lying all the way down, you actually aren't really that relaxed, like, in your neck because you're kind of otherwise you're, like. Yeah. I can see what you're saying. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So I feel like if your kind of weight is on an angle this way, then that would probably prevent like that happening. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for it. Yeah. But I feel like it's just really fucking awkward when other people can see your face. Oh, my God. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? And because often those ones like you said it's the quick you know 10 15 minute uh and they're you know often in the middle of the shopping center or in the window at a shop or something yeah yeah have you ever watched modern family no oh yeah but so there's like an episode where claire goes and gets her and she's doing that 15 minute thing and she's like in the middle of the shopping centre and like her family leaves because it's like really embarrassing because she's like.

All right. So the other day I go to get a coffee for Bridget. Yeah. And again, middle of the shopping centre, just one of those ones, like in the middle of the walkway. Yeah. And there was like you could tell there was a bit of a line and they go, oh, mate, we're stretched.

It's a Sunday. We don't have enough staff. It might be five or ten minutes. I was like. So you were going to get a coffee for Bridget and you thought, I'll get a bit of a rub while I'm here. No, no, no, no. I thought that you meant that they said that to you.

I was like, hang on. How did this change from you getting a coffee for your wife? I'll get the coffee. Your pregnant wife. Oh, you know what? No, I'll go. I'll go. I'll go.

Because you're pregnant. I'll go. I'll go down coffees. You're pregnant. Yeah. Oh, you know what? No, I'll go. I'll go. I'll go. Because you're pregnant. I'll go. I'll go down there. Yeah. Come back with a pedicure. And you've got like this glow about you like after you have a massage. Yeah. Yeah.

A stomach massage. No. So they said, oh, it'll be five or ten minutes waiting for a couple of coffees. And I was like, yep. Or maybe it was like they didn't have the milk, like, you know, the soy milk and they had to run and grab it. Oh, yeah. I was just like, hey, mate, like literally all good.

Yeah. And you know how in shopping centres now there's like kind of those like sexy little couches just in the middle of the. Sexy couch? Well, it's like actual seating and it's like nice seating that you can sit in the hallways of like the nice malls. Yeah, and they've got like a little table or like a little coffee table kind of thing, pop your shopping on there. Yeah, and they've got like a little table or like a little coffee table kind of thing, pop your shopping on there.

Yeah, and it's all nice and little cute and little plants. Some of them have like power outlets so that like if you were, you know, like when you're in the airport and you can like plug your laptop in or whatever. So if you're at the fancy end of like a Westfield, sometimes those couches are like velour. Yeah, they're like incredible. Oh, my God.

Not just like that plastic pleather. Yeah, nah. You know when you sit on one of those and it's obviously seen better days and it's like cracking and the bits like cut your legs? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's fucked. It's the worst.

Yeah. So they go, yeah, it'll be 10 minutes. And I look over and there's like this nice little couch. And I was like, hey, man, all good. I got my phone here. I'll sit down. Yeah, no worries. Yeah. So I sit down on this seat and I look over and there's like this nice little couch and I was like, hey, man, all good. I've got my phone here. I'll sit down. Yeah, no worries. So I sit down on this seat and I'm facing,

well, I didn't realise at the time, but I sit in the seat and it faces straight into the massage place and there's a lady. Oh, no, don't. There's a lady. She's in the seat. In that like. In this position. Yeah.

And obviously when you're in that position, there's no, like, look the other way. It's like you are locked in. You're so unaware of what's going on around you. And it's as if she was, like, looking me straight in the eyes as she's, like, literal eye contact. We're looking at each other while she's getting massaged, right? So she's like, there's nowhere else to look.

Please stop staring at me. I actually can't deal with that. It's too intense. And so it's kind of on me to probably look away. A hundred percent. You're the only one with any, like, agency in this situation. I have all the power in this situation. So I, as people might know, we both had COVID a few weeks ago.

And I didn't have COVID in the time, but we've discussed that we've both felt a bit like foggy and tired. Yeah. And it probably took me longer than it should have to actually realise that we were staring at each other because I'm just like. Because you weren't actively staring at her like, hello. Well, not at first.

No, but then you're probably like, oh, my God, I've just been looking at you the whole, like, yeah. And then I was like, well, she can't leave. I'm waiting for a coffee. I'm not leaving. I guess I'll just keep looking at you. And then I reckon bloody old mate on the massage, he's like, he's found the spot.

You know what I mean? Like, there's a little lump in the neck a little quick, so when they find that spot, that's when you start getting that ooooh. Yeah. You're like gritting your teeth a bit. I have never seen more faces pulled in stranger directions.

I saw faces that I've never seen before. Because you're normally looking at the back of the head, yeah. Tony Lodge. Sorry. So she's pulling all these faces and she's very aware that she's like, and she's like trying to keep a straight face, which is I reckon makes it worse.

Why didn't you just do her a solid and just look away? I was waiting for my coffee. But you could have just literally, you're looking like this, you could have just gone, like not even moved, barely moved, like just a turn of the neck. Like that's literally all you could have done. Oh, and, you know, she'd probably been waiting for that. A little treat.

She'd been waiting all week. Yeah, and she thought she probably did exactly what you did to Bridget. She went, I'll go grab the bread and the milk from Coles. And she went, you know what I'll do? I've had these annoying kids all week. I'm just going to get a little mum time, 15 minutes on a Sunday morning. A little 15-minuter when I'm grabbing the bread and the milk on the fucking OJ for breakfast or whatever.

Yeah, and I reckon there's one face that's I'm in pain and I'm going to say it's a separate face of I'm in pain but trying to look like I'm not. Yeah. Which ironically is worse. It's like when you hurt yourself in public and someone goes, are you okay? And you go, I'm fine.

Oh, that time you fell out of a taxi in Jakarta. Yes. And you kind of like try to laugh it off but your eyes are starting to water. Yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't see it and I was like, are you okay? And you're like, yeah. How embarrassing.

And then we got to the lift, the doors closed, and we looked at Tony's knee and there was liters of blood. And a pissing with blood, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so because I was in a bit of a haze and kind of not hating the, like I was kind of embracing the awkwardness of it. Yeah. So I just sat there for 10 minutes.

How would you feel? So awful. Yeah. I'd never get a massage again. I would actually be like, you know what? You can stop. I'd probably leave. And they'd go, oh, but you've paid for 20 minutes.

I'd go, keep the money. Don't worry about it. I can't deal with that. Or I'd like hope that I was holding my hand back and just go in front of me. You know what I mean? Because you're being pushed. There's no like. You can't shield yourself at all.

It was almost perfect where she was, they're like just about to wrap up and they're like, you know, they're kind of that, when they do that. Yeah. Those ones. And then she like sits up and they're like, soy cap for Ryan. I was like, great. And then I got my coffee and went about my day.

Dinner and a show. Dinner and a show. Is that actually on the massage place? Yes. Turn the chair around. First of all, okay. Or put a little bit of fabric around the top so that, like, you can still breathe but there's something shielding.

Tony Lodge, yes. Oh. First of all, fuck the chairs off and just let them lay down. We're here to relax, bro. But you can't lay down in the front of a shop. Okay, if you can't do that, which you fucking can, but if you can't, put the seat thing behind the curtain as well. Yeah.

And if you can't do that, like Tony said, maybe just face the chair some other way. There would just be a way of, like, putting a little bit of fabric, I think, across it or something. Put the reception desk in the window. Yeah. Put literally anything else. Yeah.

So should I be apologising or should they be apologising? I think that. Yeah, I agree. They should apologise. I think that they should move it because it probably happens quite a bit. But I think that in the situation you should have, you probably should have, like, you know, it would have just been a matter of you going, like, it would have taken.

And as if you weren't just playing on your phone anyway, when was the last time you made eye contact with a stranger in public? I'm always on my phone. No shame. Last week getting a coffee was the first and last. Yeah. I won't be doing that again. Not again.

Absolutely not. Hi, it's Clara from Penguin in Tasmania, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tony's lost the plot, everyone, and I don't know why. No, I'm all good. And I think you don't know why either. I'm all good. Are you?

Yep. Okay. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Thank you so much for being part of it. And all other tiers of Patreon, your name should be scrolling across the bottom at the moment. It takes a while to get through them, though, So if you haven't seen yours, it's coming. Nick, thank you so much. Yarkov Gross, Joshua Forgia, Jade Tate, Kate Gillespie, and Rihanna Jodri.

Thank you very much. We bloody love you. Thanks for being part of it. I would like for you to think of a time when you tried to break the ice and maybe it didn't come off the way that you'd hoped. I feel like there is probably, whether it is an exact event or probably a certain situation for you where this always happens. So when I had to drop the semen sample off at the hospital?

Yes. And I thought it was awkward because I was holding a jar of my own semen. Semen, which you'd just taken in an Uber. Yep. Yep. So what do you do? You break the ice with the receptionist because it's a bit awkward, right? Yeah, because you go like, oh, I'm obviously uncomfortable.

Yeah, so I said, I've got the stuff in my pocket, where should I put it? She goes, put the jar over there. And I went, jar? Yeah. She didn't think that was funny. But, like, it is funny. Is it? Thank you, jar? Yeah. She didn't think that was funny. But, like, it is funny. Is it? Thank you because you're the first person who said that's funny.

In that situation, like, you need a bit of levity, right? Like, you need something. I was like, and she didn't laugh at all, but I was like, just give me something because I'm so uncomfortable. And they give you nothing and you just, that's what you need at the time. I've never heard it all before. And they give you nothing and you just, that's what you need at the time. Never heard it all before.

I am on the record as saying, like, yes, I'm the kind of person that does try and soften the tension in an awkward situation. Were you at a sports injuries place and your injury occurred while sitting on the couch watching TV? Yep, yep. And how do you get out of that without comedy? Like, so you're trying to make a joke and, you know, like, and he's like, so what happened? I'm like, oh, well, you know, like, and he's like, so what happened?

I'm like, oh, well, you know, like, I was playing for the Socceroos and fucking, you know, I've hurt myself. And he goes, what? And I go, well, obviously not. Like, I'm obviously, like, not a front line in the Matildas. Like, I'm not fucking playing hockey. Soccer. Football.

Soccer. Football. What's the Matildas? Yeah, soccer, football, the women's team. No, What's the Matildas? Yeah, soccer, football, the women's team. No, isn't the Matildas hockey? The Matildas is hockey. No, the men's is the hockey ruse, I think. The Matildas is definitely football, soccer.

Hockey ruse. Oh, no, hockey ruse, national. Maybe hockey ruse, women's. Oh, I thought that the hockey ruse was only men's and the Matildas was. Kookaburras? Is that the men's the Matildas was. Kookaburras? Is that the men's? Yeah, they're the Kookaburras. Yeah.

Okay, you know what? Obviously that didn't work out because I don't even know what the fucking team's called. This bitch plays for the Kookaburras, but she thought she was playing for the Matildas. What an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. She's in so many sporting national teams, it gets confusing after a while. She just has no idea.

But that I've talked about in the past that especially in a medical situation I feel like is when tension's really high and you're in like a really unfamiliar territory. Like things can be awkward. You know, you just talked about this massage thing, but you're kind of in like a comfy environment whereas I feel like if you're in a doctor's office or the hospital or whatever, it's really sterile.

You're probably feeling quite nervous about whatever the outcome might be. And I think it just makes things so much worse. So last week, Torbs was cooking dinner and he does all the cooking in our house and he burnt his hand really badly. It's fucked. It's really, really bad. And when I told you guys, you were like, oh, like how bad could a hand burn be?

But we ended up actually having to go to the emergency room. So he ran it under cold water for like 20 or 30 minutes. We wrapped it in cling wrap and then we called the nurse on call and they were like, if you think it's bad enough to call us, probably just go to the emergency room. And I was like, oh, and Torbs was like, it's a burn? Like how bad could it be? It turns out it is a third-degree burn.

It's actually it is really bad and, like, why are you making that face? I'm just sorry for distracting you. I just when you were telling me about Torbs' fully sick burns, I just couldn Oh, yeah. I just, I couldn't take it seriously because I just kept thinking, like, burn! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know I'm the whitest 35-year-old middle-class loser,

but I just find that so hilarious. Yeah, so, like, yeah, Torbz got a sick burn and he's in the burn unit. Like you need some ice flat burn kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. I get it.

But that is actually, it's quite serious. Yep. It's quite a serious burn. Because it is a fully sick burn. And anyway, so it is actually like a third degree burn. Savage burn. Is that the technical term? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just feel so bad for him because it's actually really bad. But you are being a victim of medical comedy right now, I feel, because it's uncomfortable and you go, oh, my God, like a burn. Like you just don't know what to do. Anyway. Don't fucking finger guns me in the studio. So we went to the emergency room and, like,

how long are you normally sitting in the emergency room for? Like hours and hours and hours. We got through in about an hour. That's how bad this fucking burn was. They were like, you need to see someone. It happened to be a long weekend. It was a Sunday night. It happened to be a long weekend.

So they were like, oh, you actually, like, you need to go and see a plastic surgeon whoa so it's really it's i know that it sounds not bad but it was actually fucking really bad to get through to emergency now you'd have to be fully sick do you want to go and I finish this myself? Finally, after how many episodes we've done. You've finally given me what I want. Anyway, so he got a referral to a plastic surgeon and this guy apparently, you know, the classic specialist appointment, takes three months to get in. They were like, you need to call them on Tuesday morning.

They will see you on Tuesday. Right. Like, here's the magic password to, like, get through in an emergency. Was it 1, you need to call them on Tuesday morning. They will see you on Tuesday. Right. Like here's the magic password to like get through in an emergency. Was it 1234? Yeah. It was 007. And anyway, so we had to go to this plastic surgeon appointment. We ended up getting an appointment.

It was like 1135 on the Tuesday morning. Torbs is in so much fucking pain, like so much pain. Poor guy. Like I just felt so fucking bad for him. Anyway, we get in there and we're really nervous because we don't really know what's wrong. All we know is that the emergency doctor has told us that it is a third-degree burn and likely it will need a skin graft.

So we're thinking, oh, my God, like actual major surgery potentially. And, you know, Torbs is pretty tough and strong. He's quite quiet. I'm also tough and strong, but I like. You're not quiet. But I like to talk through how I'm feeling. But in this situation, I couldn't talk through it because I didn't want to freak him out.

You know, when you're trying to kind of. That's good self of self-awareness yeah when you're trying to like be strong for somebody because all I was thinking in my mind was oh my god you're going to have to have this surgery it's going to be so painful it's going to be expensive who knows how long it's going to take for you to get an appointment like all just everything in my head I'm thinking about all this stuff and instead I just sat there and I held his hand, the one that wasn't burnt, and I was like, it's going to be okay. And I'm thinking about all this shit and I'm like, I can't think about it. We just need to go in there.

We don't know what we don't know. So we go in there and this guy, he's like early, mid-40s, like pretty young and he's pretty just like straight face. He's a fucking- He's a doctor. Yeah. They're all the same. Yeah, and I think he's not even a doctor.

I think he's a mister. You know, when you go beyond doctor and you're a mister. Don't you start as a mister? No, so you're a master actually as a kid, and then you're a mister when you are of age, and then if you become a doctor, you can then become a mister again. That sounds like a demotion. I know.

I'm not questioning the qualifications, but it's. Yeah, so it's like if you do further study than just like being a doctor, you're then a mister again. It's a, yeah. That's so dumb. The oncologist that my mum had was Mr. McQuillan. He wasn't Dr. McQuillan. He was like, yeah.

I'd be like, well, excuse me, Mr Macmillan, can we get a fucking doctor in here? We need a doctor. We need a doctor. My mum is pretty sick. Yeah. Turns out the guy from the street didn't know what he was doing. She died anyway.

Can we get a real doctor in here? Maybe if we had a doctor, she would still be with us. That's dark, mate. It is dark. Anyway, so. Any mystic can get a TAFE course qualification yeah cert for in medicine he goes yeah did you run it under cold water put some ice on that chair and he goes that's a fully sick burn i love my job. I make this sick burn joke every fucking day. I've got a cert too in burns.

I actually did improv. Montgomery's in the house. Did you just hear Cam say Mr Burns? He goes, I actually did improv comedy and I'm pretty good at this. Let's get Smithers to take a look. Poor Torbs. His hand's going to fall off. Anyway, so we get in there and he's quite straight-laced or whatever, this doctor.

He's not actually a doctor. He's a mister, sorry. This mister is quite straight-laced. Does that mean if you're a female you're a mistress? I think you just become missus again. Oh. Or miss depending on your marriage. You're a mistress. I think you just become missus again. Oh. Or miss, depending on your marriage. Scenario, yeah.

Yeah. They need to fucking sort that shit out at the doctors. Yeah, but that's the thing. Anyway, sorry, we've kind of gone off track. So we sit down and he goes, oh, so you guys have gotten, like, this emergency appointment, obviously. It's quite serious. And because I'm in my head trying to like quieten down the thoughts

and the monkeys in there running around. And Torbs is like quite awkward and he doesn't say anything. He's a listener. And I was like, how are you feeling? This is before we went in there. I'm like, are you all good? He goes, yep. Like we don't know what we don't know.

We just need to go in there and find out. And then so we go in there and I obviously have zero self-control, right? I've seen you at a buffet. Yeah. That's where I do my best work. I'm actually a missus at the buffet as well. I've gone beyond being a doctorate of the buffet and I come back around. Anyway, so we sit down and he goes, so what seems to be the problem?

And Torbz goes, oh, I've got this burn. It's blah, whatever. And he goes, whew. He's looking at it and he goes, whew. How'd you do that? Because the whole thing had been fully dressed. Yeah. And it had like a fucking silver thing on it and it was just all whatever.

So it had been fully done up. He cuts the bandage off and he goes, wow, like that's really bad. How did you do that? And Torbjorn goes, oh, I was cooking. And he goes, dangerous activity, I guess, like taking the piss and kind of inferring like that's why the women should do it. Like this is – and he didn't say that. So not only was he a mister, he was also a fucking asshole.

But, like, he didn't, I think he was trying to be like, oh, like, this is why we should stay out of the kitchen, mate, kind of thing. Actually, sorry, your title is mister, not misogynist. Nice, nice. So how about you stop being a fuckhead? Very good. He's trying to provide for his family.

Yeah. And so that kind of made me a fuckhead. Very good. He's trying to provide for his family. Yeah. And so that kind of made me a little bit uppity because I went, and he went, dangerous activity, and kind of like made the joke, looked at Torbs, looks at me, and I go, yeah, that's why I never do it. And he laughed. But you weren't making a joke though. But I was kind of like, yeah, that's why I never do it. Like, he does all the cooking.

And he went, oh. And he laughed and then was kind of like, oh, okay, this is like a chill situation. And it was. And because he laughed at my joke, it actually really did diffuse, like, all of the tension in the room. He doesn't know that it's not a joke. You actually can't cook. No, no, no, but that wasn't the room. He doesn't know that it's not a joke. You actually can't cook.

No, no, no, no. But that wasn't the joke. It was kind of, I like. Yeah, good one. No, because he's obviously like, oh, mate, like, stick to what you know kind of thing. And I was like, yeah, he actually does all the cooking. I don't do anything.

Supposedly a fucking expert at this. I don't do anything. He does everything. Anyway, and so that really diffused the tension. It actually did really help. And then he's kind of going through and he's going, oh, yep, I think it is really bad. What I'm going to do is blah, blah, blah, X, Y, Z.

You're going to have to go and get it redressed at another doctor over the next week and then come back and see me next week. Oh, God. So it's like we need to take care of it, but we can't dress it at home because of what it needs or whatever. And then he continues kind of explaining that and he goes, I'll redress this for you now.

And then he goes into his drawer and he's like, oh, I don't have the gauze that I need or whatever. And he opens, like, another drawer and he's, like, tinkering around or whatever. And, like, the old dressing is dressing is like sitting on the table. And I can feel that Torbs is getting quite tense. As in he's like, wrap this up? He's kind of like, well, I think because he's like in pain

and he's like, cool, like I didn't even get the answer that I needed today. We have to wait a whole week. Of course, yeah. So he's like, fine, wrap it up. Let's get out of here. Yeah, and he's just like kind of uncomfortable. And the guy's like, well, I don't know where my bandage of here. Yeah, and he's just like kind of uncomfortable and the guy's like,

well, I don't know where my bandage is and it's kind of getting a bit tense in the air again. And Torbs, he's quiet. He doesn't really go out on a limb much. And then the guy goes, well, I can't find the thing. And Torbs goes, oh, just use the old one. Is that not? Well, he goes, oh, just put the same one on.

Yeah. And, like, I was like, oh, that's, you've made a comedy just, like, choice here. Was he joking? Yeah, because obviously it's dirty and, like, fucking disgusting and it's, like, a very, it's a third degree. Anyway, so he goes, well, just use the old one. It's sitting right there kind of thing.

And the doctor goes, I can't reuse a bandage. That's been used. And, like, looked at Torbs like he was just the biggest moron ever. Just to 100% confirm. Yeah. Torbs was kidding. Was he? Yes, he was.

He absolutely. Because he cut the, it wasn't as if it was. Did he say it with a comedic tone? He went, oh, just use that one kind of thing. It kind of sounds like he maybe meant it. Even though he didn't, it could have sounded like he did. But, like, because we'd been, like, joking with this doctor and he was really nice and stuff, I was just like.

He just turned. He just turned. And Toomes was like, oh. And he was like, that's disgusting. Like, it was just immediately was kind of like, oh, I'm going to go get the bandit. Like, he was just, like, so bothered by what, like, he said. If he was actually a doctor, he would have said something like, I'm going to go get the bandage. Like he was just like so bothered by what he said. If he was actually a doctor, he would have said something like,

I'm a doctor. Yeah, I'm a mister. Obviously he's not. I'm a mister. Even I know that. And I'm not even a doctor. And then so like anyway, he finally like finds the thing that he needs and he wraps it up and we go out and we pay the fucking $7,000

and then we walk back down to the car. And I was like, oh, how are you feeling after that? And he was like, oh, not great. I was like, you went in with the joke. I was like, you backed in that joke. And Torbs was like, he laughed at your joke. I assumed it was fine. And I was like, it wasn't fine.

It wasn't good at all. So here's how, I know we've been doing it for 10 and together for nine, but this is me being you. Let me, Torbs, explain to you how this relationship works. You do the cooking. I do the comedy. Yeah. Let's never confuse those two things.

Well, I was like, stay in your lane, mate. Yeah. This is me. Do you want me to cook some fucked omelette when we get home? Yeah. No. Because that's not what this is. I mean, jokes on Torbs, I have had to cook since he's hurt his hand

because he can't do anything. Is the pain of eating your food more painful than the burn on his hand? Yeah, I ended up ordering my muscle chef. You know, that like the ready-to-eat meals. I love how it's like. We got them delivered yesterday. It's called my muscle chef, so it's like extra protein. Yeah.

And then I just waddle out barefoot with my dad bod and people are like, oh, my muscle chef, he must be like trying to get in shape. And then they see me go, oh. Yes. And then you, like, I just waddle out barefoot with my dad bod and people are like, oh, my muscle shape. He must be, like, trying to get in shape. Yeah. And then they see me go, oh. Yes. No, you just can't cook. KFC's not delivered anymore, but it's a real fucking shame.

Yeah. I deleted the Uber Eats app because of the atomic habits and I just thought that would be the best. So does Torbs now feel he's a victim of medical comedy? Well, he was lured, he reckons, he was lured into a false sense of security. Lured. And then he made the joke and he was like, oh, he just, he didn lured, he reckons, he was lured into a false sense of security. And then he made the joke and he was like, oh, he didn't get it.

And I was like, your delivery was off. Yes, even you admit now that delivery and the tone was not right. Yeah, but the thing was is that he thought like, oh, we're all friends now. And then it just bombed. It was awful. It was like you could hear the toilet flush like three offices away. Like it was just awful. It was like you could hear the toilet flush like three offices away. Like it was just awful. No, I'm team Torbs and I think he should take this show on the road. You were just hanging shit on Torbs.

Yeah, no, I've changed my tune. I reckon he should go do stand-up and do that gear. Oh, fuck. It was like, and I was just like, you know when someone like makes a shit call and you kind of go, like, and I was just like, I don't want to be here. Like I'm happy to pay the bill and fucking leave. Like I don't want to be here. Like I'm happy to pay the bill and fucking leave. Like I don't want to be here. Buying you arm, mate.

I need to get out of here immediately. Turns out we're cutting that sucker off. The irony of him being incredibly unfunny is that this is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Yeah. So maybe he's incepted us. We're the ones in the wrong here. Yeah, shame on us.

Yeah. Well, I know he faces an uphill battle to get his fully sick burns taken care of. But are you going back to that same guy? Yeah. So we've got to go back to him and face the music. Would you not get another doctor? At what length would you, like at what stage would you go, maybe we'll see someone else?

Well, this one, because he's like the specialist we were referred to, we have to go to him. So I don't think there's an- Go back to the original doctor. In the emergency room? New referral. Send me somewhere else. I burnt my hand again.

I burnt my chance with that other guy. Both of the collective moan. That was worse than Torbz's gauze gag. All right, let's do You Love to See It. So last week we put out a call out for people to tell us all about them starting the fucking blog. Yes. And we posted a pinned post in our Facebook group.

So Tony and Ryan, I always say Tony and Ryan Facebook. I get it wrong every time. Tony and Ryan podcast on Facebook. Join our group. It's actually where we find all of our normal or nas, everything like that. We've got a You Love To See It thread for people to share things. But we now have a pinned post and it's Start The Fucking Blog

and we want to hear all about what you've done, how you've started the blog, how you've been inspired, what you've taken into your own hands and started doing. Going back to college, change degrees, start a podcast, paint a thing, side hustle, whatever it is. We want to hear all about it and it's for a very special little project we're working on. So please share them.

But I saw this one from Emily Whiten the other day and it says, I started a TikTok account that I'd been thinking about for over a year. Fuck yeah. I review snacks. Fuck yeah. Yeah. So right now, Wheelhouse, it's called Snacks with Em on TikTok,

if anybody wants to check it out. I would love to check it out. But so Em's gone and she's started the fucking blog, TikTok. I love that. Yeah, which I thought was really cool. So make sure that you share your, not your love to, you can share your love to see it as well. Yeah.

But share with us what you've just bloody started doing. I love that because Tony's going to be doing a Still Call Australia home. Yes. Very excited about that. Friday, today. Yes. I'm looking forward to a big weekend of just watching football and sitting on the couch like a piece of shit.

I'm actually really looking forward to that tomorrow as well. Tomorrow? This weekend? Long week. It's been a looking forward to that tomorrow as well. Tomorrow? This weekend? Long week. It's been a long week. Been a long week. So last weekend was the first round of AFL. Oh, yeah.

We watched a game together. We did. Yep. Tony had a few drinks. I was fucking wasted. And I was a fucking menace in a pub. I was actually wasted. I don't drink a lot.

And I don't actually enjoy being drunk, really. Because you don't want to be in control. Yeah. I, like, I don't drink a lot. And I don't actually enjoy being drunk, really. Because you don't want to be in control. Yeah. And I just, I hate feeling sick. I hate feeling dehydrated. I hate feeling silly. And I was silly. You were silly.

I was silly. You were a silly girl. Yeah, I was. Is it true that you threw a cauliflower nugget across the room in the pub? I didn't do that. At the Collingwood Hotel? I did not do that. I did not do that. I did not do that.

That's just what I heard. I ate a cauliflower nugget. I think I ate. You know how you bought those cauliflower nuggets? I think I ate them with my Invisalign in. And I got home and I was like, what have I done? Like it was just an absolute mess in there. And I just, it was awful.

And you had to drive me home. Like I just, I had two and a half drinks and I just, it was awful. I knew you had to drive me home. Like, I just, I had two and a half drinks and I just, that was it. That was it for me. And I can't stress enough the half because after the half, you're like, I can't even finish this. And I made Ryan buy me his cocktail

and then I didn't, I don't think I even finished it. Anyway, yeah. We watched a footy game together though. Actually, maybe that was my love to see. Going to the pub with a half-cut Tony who was eating cauliflower with her Invisalign in. Yeah.

I was actually going to say I was strangely emotional because you know how sports are getting really good at, like, telling the backstories and all that kind of stuff? Oh, yeah, it's like watching an episode of Australian Idol. Oh, my God. Yeah, I love it. So this one guy, Ferg, who's playing for my team, Hawthorne. Ferg.

What number is he? 26. Oh, Hawthorne. Ferg. What number is he? 26. Oh, nice. Great number. So he got drafted when he was 18 and 19, played like one or two games for another club, and a lot of people, it doesn't work out. They didn't quite make the cut.

So he gets cut after a few years. And for five years, he went and played in the local league, just enjoying his footy on the weekend, went to uni, got a job or whatever he did, I guess. Yeah. And after five years, Hawthorne had a spare spot and they're like, hey, man, like, do you want to come play for us? And so then he's like, I haven't played AFL for, like, I've had five years off.

And he comes back and, like, kicks his first goal and everyone's, you know, they get around him and they're patting him on the head. That's amazing. And I'm, like, on the couch. He's had so long out of the system and everyone's, you know, they get around him and they're patting him on the head. That's amazing. And I'm like on the couch, I'm like, he's had so long out of the system and he's come back and he never gave up on his dream. That's so nice. It was strange and emotional.

And also in the same guy, Tipper, who played for the other team, he like sort of semi-retired, sort of like not mental health, but he was kind of just over it. Yeah. He travelled around Australia in his ute with his dog and just like chilled out, had a great time, went fishing. And then when he was away, he was just like, no. That's what I want to do.

I'm actually not done yet. And then he comes back on and kicks a goal and everyone's like crying and stuff. And I'm just like, how good is football? Oh, that is really nice. That's my love to see it. Oh, that's a great love to see it. It's from last weekend, but going into the football this weekend,

I'm like, oh, how good is sport? No, I love that. Yeah. Brings people say it. Sort of from last weekend, but going into the football this weekend, I'm like, oh, how good is sport? No, I love that. Yep. Brings people together. Does bring people together. Beautiful. So, on Monday, Tony, the surfer. Yes.

Has some advice. Surf's up. And is Shaka's in or out? Shaka's in. Shaka's in. All right. Because it's coming into summertime in the Northern Hemisphere. Yeah.

And so there's a few like curly like beach etiquette, summer etiquette kind of questions. Oh, well, I'm your guy for that. Tony's been to urban surf four or five times? Like probably 12 now. Really? Yeah. Holy shit.

Yeah. We know who to ask. Thank you very much. We know who to ask thank you very much we know who to ask that's on monday we'll chat to you then love you bye