Toni and Ryan - The Day I Lost My P€ni$

Episode Date: September 22, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Grandma's Secret Affair - Maria's magnet mission - Stick reviews - love ya!!!!!LINK TO MAGNET FORM - https://form.jotform.com/252528188332056Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is sponsored by the Audible original Pride and Prejudice, an intimate performance that will have you falling in love with the Jane Austen classic all over again. One of the greatest romance novels ever written. Your wife Bridges are Pride and Prejudice fan, isn't she? Huge, loves it. Well, she'll love this. It stars a full cast, including Marisa Abella, as Elizabeth Bennett, and Harris Dickinson as Mr. Darcy, plus Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill

Nye and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine DeBerg. This new adaptation is vibrant and modern with an original new score by a Grammy-nominated composer. Whether you're fresh to Pride and Prejudice or want to revisit a cherished favourite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Listen to the new Pride and Prejudice at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every day. side of you. We're talking modern

rom-coms from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romantic series from Sarah J. Mars and Devney Perry. Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or

sexy billionaires. Like Tony Lodge. Yeah. Or not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh and you know what I'm saying a forbidden realm. Who needs one? book boyfriend when you can have five one in the city one on the hockey rink one with a sword and dragons your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at

audible dot ca a little warning you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay that's fine totally fine yesterday i woke up from a sound sleep i couldn't find my anywhere and don't you hate it when that happened i've just got a feeling i've slept walk i can't find my, it could be anywhere. What have I done while I was asleep? I check the fridge. Of course. Nope. Check the cabinets. No. Check the oven. Not in there. Thank God. After searching everywhere, I thought there's only one place it could have been. I'm Olivia from Brisbane, Australia. Hi, this is Trescia from Indiana, USA.

Hi, I'm Sophie from Bristol, England. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show. Hello. Welcome. Merry Tuesday. Yeah. We're still not talking about it tomorrow. Is that all right with you?

Didn't I think? Hey, last week I did a great hook about one of the great confessions and then lost my voice and couldn't tell it. Yeah. And a few people have mess with me saying, I want to find out about the California. your chance man who thought he lost his penis. There was a lot of comments on last Monday's episode thread being like, can't wait to hear it.

And I was like, same. Same. These are top confessions. Nice. Tonynryan.com.com. is where you can submit your confessions. Oh, our lighting's just changed. Yeah.

Oh my God. Charles says we're good to go. No, that's fine. It just, as you sang it, it was as if like, that was a setting. Like, that was like, oh. And then when we. You do confessions, it's different, yeah. I'm a hot California trans man, and as such, was born without a certain appendage.

Uh, naturally, I... Same. Same. No penis. No penis. Uh, naturally, I wear a fake dick every day to help combat any gender dysmorphia. It's called a packer. Dysphoria.

What did I say? Dysmorphia, but it's dysphoria. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Um, and it's called a packer. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I've heard of that. Yesterday I woke up from a sound sleep.

A little afternoon nap Nice Couldn't find How good's a good nap Yeah well usually it would be Except this time I couldn't find my dick anywhere And don't you hate it when that happens

Yeah Don't you hate that I searched everywhere Says Anonymous Tapper I thought I had sleepwalked Wouldn't that just be the worst You're like I've just got a feeling I've slept walk

I can't find my dick It could be anywhere What have I done while I was asleep Sleepwalk? Sleepwalk is crazy to me like the just endless literally endless possibilities of where you dick could be yes yes uh i check the fridge of course nope cabinets and nothing worse than a cold penis you wouldn't it's chunk i swear this never happens there's a cold in here uh check the cabinets no uh check the oven

um not in there thank god yeah i checked the infamous nightstand drawer uh lots of goodies in there but not the one i was after not the specific one hacker i hardly know what after four hours after searching everywhere i thought there's only one place it could have been in my asshole sorry i thought my dogs obviously eat my dick. My dog has seen my dick and gone, that looks like a sausage and chowed down on it. No way. And so the Tapa, who listened to this show, thank you so much for watching, is faced

with the decision. Do I allow my dog to potentially die on the dick because it's taken it down? Or do I have to go to the vet and like explain what might have happened? surely if the dog had eaten the packer that there would be like evidence of that or the dog would be like like if the dog had eaten up the couch there'd be like chunks of foam and yeah exactly like and whenever I eat a dick what you know like you hear it you know what I mean everywhere afterwards yeah and you can always tell What was...

I gave it, I was like, I'm just going to do one more search. And lo and behold, my dog comes prancing with it in her mouth like it was her best chew toy she'd ever found. It turns out she'd taken it, buried it, dug it back up, chewed it, fucking gnawed at it, gone to town on it. Didn't consume it, but it was in fact the dog. So the dog is straight? Yes. And that is how I thought my dog ate my dick. And it happens to the best of us.

It actually does. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. That is hilarious. And can you imagine the chat with the vet? Who's a vet? It'd actually be worse if they like didn't find anything. Well, yeah, because you go, I think maybe this happened and they go, well, it's going to be $900 or something crazy to do the x-ray.

Yeah. And then you just go home and you go, oh, it's on the floor. Yeah. Oh, I was wearing it the whole time. Yeah. Oh, it's like when I try and find my glasses, I'm wearing them. So, have you seen the, we don't do pranks on our show? No.

But, so I would like take a photo of your phone on the bench and then you get into your car, like you're getting ready to drive off. Then I send you the photo and go, you've left your phone here. Oh, no, I don't like that. And then you see a photo of your. Because I always get tricked. Yeah, and you see a photo of your phone on the bench. Oh, my phone's inside.

And then you go, oh, dumb it. Oh, go and then you walk in and then they go, you go, oh, there's my phone. And you go, what? And you go, yeah, you just send me this picture. And you're like, yeah, what do you need? You're like, yeah, like, where's my phone? He also thought I was on the bench. And then they're going to go.

So the phone. The call's coming from inside the house. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Here's another confession. Oh. My grandma was having an affair with the church pastor. At her funeral, the pastor came up to me and my sister

and alluded to doing the horizontal hokey-pokey with my 70-year-old grandma. just a big old bowl of pasta how they stayed up all night well dancing and drinking in her kitchen and the two didn't sleep a wink with how they moved their bodies this is the pastor saying that to the grandchildren what the fuck on one hand good for grandma for getting it yet like so hot but so inappropriate on the other hand who tells their granddaughters at a funeral that you've been railing the grandma that's now dead. That is so fucked. Yeah, like, hot.

Like, the situation is the problem is that imagine bragging to your... Is she her ex if they're dead? Because you're not widowed because you weren't married, but is it your ex? Your late partner, you're bragging to your late partner's family about fucking her. I think that sounds like such a fuck boy thing to do. Like if you're at a party, you're like, yeah, I fucked her. Yeah. But like at a funeral and you go see her up there, like the photo on the flowers.

Yeah, I fucking, I threw a few of me packers in her. That dog ate my packer one or two times, you know? You know what I'm saying? That bitch was gnawing on my packer. That dog chewed this bone, you know what I'm saying? That bitch found my cock after a nap, if you know what I'm saying. Hi, this is Tricia from Indiana, USA. I'm Olivia from Brisbane, Australia.

I'm Sophie from Bristol, England. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is sponsored by RBC. And you know that feeling when you're not sure about how to get into the job market? Or you can see the future you want, but you don't know how to get there? Absolutely. It's tough out there. It's tough. Well, that's where RBC comes in.

They've got scholarships to support. support students as they study, ways to network so you can connect and learn more about what interests you, and tools to grow your skills so you're ready for the jobs of tomorrow. So it's really not just about opening doors, but giving you the confidence to walk through them. If you've got ideas, big dreams, or just that little spark of what if, check out rbc.com slash open doors to make your ideas happen. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for

every side of you. We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romantic series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh, or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying, a forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five, one in the city, one on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons?

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real-life people, and that's okay. That's fine, totally fine. A massive shout out to. to a few of our champion tapers over at our Patreon. Thank you very much for being part of it all. Supporting the show, making sure the lights stay on. Like, look at this.

Amazing. Tony's loungering doesn't just happen. No, it really doesn't. Oh, I'm going to be one of those annoying people because the sun is hitting the iPad and it's like making little light things. Yeah. You know when you used to do that with your engagement ring and like blind me in the face? Yeah, by accident though.

By accident. Just catches it. But then I notice and I go, yeah. Michael Keeter, thank you very much, Michael. Chris Stewart, love that so much. Thanks, Chris. Tracy Marie, Lucy Whittington, Kate Ferns, Abby Sterri,

and Fidelis, Drinan, Lamana. And, oh my God, can you fucking calm down over there? Okay, so I was trying to try it in your face and I shot myself in the eyeball. And I reckon everyone on YouTube would have seen me and just go, that's very funny. I was working. So true. Yeah.

Gold Coast. Yeah. I would like to introduce you, Tony, to a tarpa named Maria. Ah, Maria. Tapa Maria. She formerly from Brazil, now lives in Canada. Amazing. And she's actually had a bit of a rough trot.

Yeah. So we're all going to have, I had a chat with her the other day when you were under the knife. Oh. But have a listen to her story real quick. I know traditionally you're not like a, a material. type person, but I believe this one thing is the exception to the rule. Tell us about what you had. Yeah, so I had a huge magnet collection on my fridge for all the places I've traveled. It's one of my favorite things to do in the world is just go around, see new places, meet new people. And then I had a

house fire. So my stove had a fault. It caught fire. So this is basically all brand new. The insurance covered everything. However, how are they going to cover me going to certain places like Venezuela again? to just get a magnet they can't. Is it one of those things where you kind of get used to it in the house? It's not till it's not there that you kind of realize how much you missed it? Yeah, so the fridge is the same. Everything is virtually the same. They replace it with everything, but the magnets you can't really replace that.

So it's been pretty empty with just a few family photos now because it was so empty. Yeah. But it was the entire side of the fridge, it was full of magnets. I don't know. It's just, especially if you're having a bad day, you're just coming up the stairs and you just take a look and say, oh, yeah, that was a good time. And then now you have a good day. Without having that, there was like, oh, yeah, I had a house hire.

That's so sad. Why did you bring me this? That's so sad. It is so sad. But I think you're going to love this. So why you were getting surgery. Yeah. Shout off.

Shout to Peter Toler. Charles, we've set up a link. And in Patreon, people have had this overnight. But everyone can go and have a look at it now. Yeah. There's a whole list of all the cities that Maria has been to. Yeah. I'll brag about it, Maria.

Yeah, I know. So what you can do is, you go and see if your town's on the list. And if your town's on the list, you say, yep, I'll take care of Dallas. Yep, I'll take care of here. And we're all going to, and then once you get assigned your city, so you say, yep, then we'll send you the address and you send. You'll go and get a magnet from your town.

And then we're going to send it to Maria, who's currently in Saskatoon, I believe. And I can't believe I said that right. That is amazing. What a great idea. So the thing with the list is once someone's, like I said, I've got taken care of this town, we'll tick that off. So she doesn't end up with 18 Melbourne's and no Patagonia's. Now, the only thing we ask besides the magnet is that you film a little snippet and say, hey Maria, I'm from insert down here. I hope you enjoy your Mac. You know, film yourself just like popping in it. Just a little

snippet. Like I'm Tapa, Charles from Melbourne and that's so fun. And then by the end of it, and she's going to do the same. So every time she gets an envelope, she's going to film and open it. And I just feel like in the end when we, we see the fridge full and she knows that people in the type community have gone out of their way to, you know, go to the souvenir store or go and get something and send it over. That is so sweet. Now, one of them has been claimed because I said we would take care of Melbourne. But actually, Tony, I think if we, I had an idea for our magnet.

Yeah. I don't know if you'll love it. To be fair, I don't know if Maria loved it. but she was just so nice she kind of went sounds good oh no but you just press play and have a look at this oh sorry i almost dropped your hot pad i noticed that you didn't have australia on the list but you said you had traveled to australia so it didn't burn down i still have my little australia one what did that survive the fire how did that make it yeah it's a metal one so the other ones were mostly plastic this one's for whatever reason it's a metal so i did lose

Canberra, Sydney and Melbourne. But I did keep this worse. What I would like to do is Tony and I will do the Melbourne one. Okay, we'll send you that one. Thank you. And we're also going to send you a tarp magnet, but you have a choice. It can either be, so I've got an idea that it might be really dumb. We can send you a tarp magnet or we can send you a magnet of Tony and I holding the tarp magnet.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's much cooler. Yeah, it's going to be a magnet with a bar. picture of us holding a magnet that's amazing yeah i'll send you guys one back with me holding the magnet of you guys holding the magnet love that yes amazing okay great so we have here also it turns out when you buy magnets online you can get like small fridge magnets or you can get big ones that businesses would get to put on the side of their car you know it be like cd roofing service and you just slap it on the side of it yeah so here is our small fridge magnet oh my god it's like a mouse

path. So what we're going to do, Tony, is we're going to hold this. Charles is going to take a photo of us. Then we're going to put, like, so it's going to be you and me holding the magnet. Yep. Then we're going to get that printed on the magnet. Yeah. And then Maria's going to take a picture with that and we'll get that printed on a magnet.

And we'll put that on the fridge. Our fridge at work. Yeah. Cool. So. I mean, it couldn't be simpler. Charles, do we want to take the photo after because you're kind of stuck behind. Yeah.

But that is like a mouth pad. Yeah. That's like enormous. Um, after. So. So, okay, logistics chat. Yeah. So if we're taking a picture with that,

but the actual magnet Maria is going to get is the one with the picture of us holding that magnet. Yeah, and probably a more appropriate size. Who's getting that magnet? I think. Is that going on the side of the Audi? Yes. Yeah. Can I drive around?

I mean, not that I can drive at the moment. Logistics chat, would you want to? No. But how funny. It's pretty funny. Yeah. It's pretty funny. What about

This is why we need a work car Let's get a work car Tony the enabler ladies We'll get a van We'll get a van What about we could Put this on Tapa's car And everyone can have it for a week

And then they pass it on I love that What about like Nah Okay No that's okay No that's okay I go on

What do you put it on a random car But they're not gonna know To pass it on Like I don't know that they're a Tapa Who the fuck of those guys No like I quickly did the Yeah Maths in my head.

Yeah. No, that's actually on me. But I've glad that we got to the bottom of that. But there is a link. There will be a link in the episode thread in the Facebook group. If you see a Black Audi with a Tony Ryan magnet on it, give me a toot. It's me.

It's me. How many could there be? Yeah. If you see any car with that magnet on it, it's probably me. All right. There is a link in the YouTube description and in the episode thread in Facebook. And Patreon, I've already got the link, I believe. So if you want to go and look for your town.

what a beautiful idea um and send it on through um legal chat we will not be paying for any of the magnets yeah we have to say that i guess we or shipping and have we um discussed with maria like a p o box and not sending it to her address great idea yep uh while i was chatting to her i was like by the way yeah let's not give your address out um yep um she was surprisingly cool with it so uh but we but we did ask so okay only to the people who are sending magnets Yeah, so when you claim your city, then you get the address. We don't just stick it out there. And how about we just say, you are not allowed to drop it off in person.

Will you be in your city, not her city? But let's just set that boundary right now. Sure. Yeah. Post only. Pretty welcoming and hospitable was Maria. Well, I guess when you've traveled, you're fun. She has a free spirit.

I'm not recommending this, but I reckon if everyone did hand deliver her, she would be fine with it. And I love that for her. Not recommending it. But we can't endorse that. No. Humanly. Should we fly over and hand-trial? Charles has been upmeed for another Canada trip since we met Maria.

I love Canada. Charles fucked a girl from Canada the other day. No. Oh, sorry. No, he just fingered her. Oh, just fingered her. I mean, getting finger to the best part. And Charles is always...

Did you have sex with her? No. Are you going to? Is it Maria? Oh, did you throw it in her Saskatured doing? Hey, what Charles and Hinge do is up to Charles and Hinge and whatever country they're from, we don't judge. Are you going to? Anyway, that's a beautiful idea. I really love that. Well, don't thank me. Thank the Tarpers because they're the ones who are going to be out

there getting it done. And that is the beautiful community that you are a part of. So thank you so much for joining us. Oh, well, I've got, um, let's take this chat to Scotland. Maybe Helen Wagget can tip off, tick off the Scotland one, if there's a Scotland one, haven't seen the list. It's pretty extensive list, so I'd say they would be. Helen sent through, this is beautiful. I chat to Helen all the time. Is that Helen Waggett? Of course it is.

We chat with Helen all the time. She's a very, I was about to say loud type of, that sounds negative, but I mean like, always gets amongst it, always in the comments. And I love seeing you nine pop up Helen. But she said, I'm so mega excited. I have to tell you that I've done recently a sponsored. walk of 76 miles along the Great Glenway, which is from Fort William to Inverness in Scotland. And so she did it to raise money for a teenage cancer trust and copper feel. So the first one is supporting young people with cancer.

And copper feel is to raise awareness for breast cancer. So it's like to encourage you to like feel like literally copper fuel and check for lumps. Because the one of them in Australia is called like feel it on the first. So the first of every month, like, have a quick check. If there feels anything abnormal, like go and get it checked out straight away. So when I hear copperfeel... Oh, it sounds terrible. No, but I also think of the magician David Copperfield.

And it's just like... Yeah, the David Copperfield charity. And so she was raising money for those two charities. She was able to raise and has donated 1,620 pounds. and beep-d-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. I did a bit of conversion chat. $3,316.79 Australian dollars with today's current conversion rate. My love to see it is Tony's found Google currency converter.

Thank you. That's huge. Yeah, big for me. You've got a lot of spare time. I've been a pre-show work I thought I would do. Yesterday you didn't even bring your phone and I'm doing currency conversions. I mean, the tables are really turning. They really are.

But so, Helen said the walk was brilliant through the stunning Scottish Highlands along Loch Ness. And she's just so buzzed that she used her summer holiday, like, doing this big walk. Congratulations for doing the walk. Huge. Like, absolutely amazing. 76 miles. What's that in case? Oh, didn't do that conversion.

I should have checked that, actually. Oh, she's lost her microphone. This is what happens when you don't prep. Miles to kilometer. Let's all guess. I'm going to say 123. 122.3. Get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out. How did you do that? Did you see this? I didn't. you Google it? Have you talked to Helen Wackett? Yeah, me. You just showed me your iPad. It's just blank. Yeah. Tetris is open or something like you're just playing your game on there.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just here doing Sudoko because I'm fucking smart. Good on you, Helen. We love to see it. Helen, that is actually fucking huge. What the Helen? She's been to Helen back raising that money. You know that gets me. My love to see it is actually a recommendation from Carrie and she's come in light

as in gone is it all you love to see it Okay Is it a bit weird I don't know where I stand We just felt I would share it And we will decide together If we love to see it

Okay It's an Instagram account called official stick reviews It has 3.5 million followers And the community of stickers When they're just out and about and they see a cool stick, they just like film a little snippet

and review the stick and submit it. And so it's just all these reviews. What's it cool? Official stick reviews. There's now a coffee table book where they, that you can buy,

and it shows all of the great sticks that they've found over the journey. I've just for hit follow. You've got a, whoa, there's some dope sticks. Whoa. Yeah, one curves.

One's got like some fluffy bits on the side. One, like their dog found. And the sticks as well. Yeah. bit of a curve to really what's yours um i actually don't know that i haven't never seen your penis how offensive you will not shot i keep asking uh carrie says um it's just wholesome as fuck do we love to see it or is it a bit weird i don't know but i just had to share if you could take one thing away from this episode of this show it's that google currency convert we love we love to see it

because it is a bit weird yeah that's the whole show we're a bit weird Although if you do take something from the show Maria and the magnet's also nice And the and the dog dick No Packer Oh yeah

That happened today Yeah Sorry But if you do take one thing Yeah Okay I wonder if the dog submitted the packer to official stick reviews

And he went Oh stick reviews I thought it was dick reviews The dog doesn't know the difference hilarious um thank you very much for listening thank you for being here great you love to see it i love the sticks love helen wagget it's all good news it's just a great day great day to have a tuesday great day great day it's always a great day to have a great day love you boy today's episode is brought to you by audible and let me tell you audible's romance collection

has something for every side of you we're talking modern rom-coms from authors like lily chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romantasy series from Sarah J. Mars and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff. Maybe you're into hockey hunks, ooh,

or sexy billionaires like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying? A forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five, one in the city, one

on the hockey rink, one with a sword and dragons. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay. That's fine, totally fine. This episode is sponsored by RBC and you know that feeling when you're not sure about how to get into the job market or you can see the future you want but you don't know how to get there?

Absolutely. It's tough out there. It's tough. Well, that's where RBC coming. in. They've got scholarships to support students as they study, ways to network so you can connect and learn more about what interests you, and tools to grow your skills so you're ready for the jobs of tomorrow. So it's really not just about opening doors, but giving you the confidence to walk through them. If you've got ideas, big dreams or just that little spark of

what if, check out rbc.com slash open doors to make your ideas happen.