Toni and Ryan - The Dirtiest Public Toilet

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Charles' Tinder - Normal or Nah - Final birthday clue!!! - love ya!!!!!Video for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'll always go to the very end. Because I'm like the first one, people are like ducking in and going to the toilet. I'll go to the furthest one away. There is something in my mind that tells me it's the least grimy. I'm going to let you believe it's the cleanest. Yeah. Because... I've gone to a public toilet.

All bets are off. I'm Jacob from Sydney, Australia. Hi, I'm Gisa from Rosario, Argentina. Hi, I'm Georgia. This is Charlie. We're from Kansas Australia. And I approve his podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Hello. Normal or not. Normal or nup? Normal or nup. Normal or n'nap? Normal or nah. No, no.

Excuse me. Oh, sorry. Did you fart? Mouth out. That was soap. I have been given an honour that I didn't really realize was the thing. Slut of the year. No, well, I do know that that's an honour.

Yeah. And I am the winner. The reigning champion of that in our office. Charles was using a piece. that I took of him on his Tinder. That is, what an honor. Isn't that? What a compliment.

Yes. Yes. And I don't know if it's like, as a married person. Yeah. And as also someone that never used it. Like I missed Tinder. I miss the apps. Thank God.

I wouldn't have thrived on the apps. I'm not that good on paper. Oh, no. Have you met you in person? I'm not good in paper. I'm not good in person. So I don't know if it's like a little bit of that. but I got, you know how Apple like,

throws you like a featured photo? Yeah. Like in your gallery and it just like comes up with a random thing. And I took a screenshot because it was like this picture I took of Charles when we were in LA like right before I broke my foot. So like over a year ago. And I sent him. Overseas shot on Tinder.

Good call. And I sent him this photo. Yes. I sent him this photo. And he was like, oh, that's on my Tinder. And I was like, Did it appear to have been enhanced in Lightroom? No, no.

That's a shame. Probably why it didn't work, Charles. Still single. Yeah. It's not working. I've currently got one that Tommy took of me and Lily, but I cropped Lily. Oh, but you can't have like some other girl in your Tinder profile. But can it be obvious that someone's been cropped out?

I don't think it's obvious. Is it the one of the Guinness? I know. How far apart are you in the photo that it's not obvious that you... Well, they hate each other, so they're obviously a fair way away. Yeah, they've kept their distance. It's like social distancing from people that you work with. Talk to me though about like, because I'm like, well, obviously you kind of do on the

pigeon, but maybe does that just say like, oh, like, I'm cool. I got female friends, like whatever. And also like I go out and that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. Put the lead back in. No, but then make it like sound like a player, you know? Oh, yeah.

See like you can't see Lily. Oh, this is your actual Tinder. Yeah. But we're not going to read it. I read the first bit. I read the first bit. Oh, how embarrassing. I read the first bit and the first bit was...

Go on. Well, I'm going to see if I can guess what the second half is. The first half that I read was I spent my whole week filming other people. Is the second half let me film you naked? No. No. Let me film us fucking. No.

The second half is. Yes. The second half is. So I spent my first week film. I've spent my whole week filming people. Well, I was just going to say the ending was one in the pink. Yeah.

I mean, it might be. Now you have to tell us because you think it's way worse. It works well because I've got a camera like in that photo. Oh, Charles. That is actually such a cute caption. I spend my whole week filming people who are funnier than me,

so manage your expectations. That's funny. I think... That's funny, Charles. That's what mine is as well. Your Tinder profile? Yeah. Who are you filming, Doc?

I spend my whole week doing a podcast with someone who's funnier than me. Manage your expectations. Hey, there's no Tony without Ryan. Yeah, there is. No. Legally no. When I've been talking about changing my name, I'm changing it to Tony.

And Ryan. Yeah. Of the and Ryan's. Oh, it's Tony and Ryan and Ryan and John done. Tony, Tony and Ryan. Yeah. Well, so I was really stoked that there was a,

but it turns out I share the honour with Tommy on our team. We've both made it Tommy. Yeah. Can someone please match with Charles and say, I'm only here because I saw the Tinder profile chat on the show. Can you do? Can you search for people on Tinder? Did you have a username?

No. And I'll meet you in the pool club in Bali. Meet you at the park. I'll fuck you in the park. That's nice. Where Tony's from? They call ass park. It's a W-A-Thing.

Let's do normal honor. Come fuck me in the park. Normal or nah. Croping Lily out of your Tinder profile picks. Well, on my Tinder profile, I crop Bridget out. Yeah, well, you don't want people to think you're a player So you can't show her in the photo Having a wife is such a cock block

Yeah, but you leave Mabelin, I'm a really good dad Oh, no, that would be Is a kid like baggage? I don't know I think it probably depends on your age group He's got a kid I don't know Yeah, when you're 39

You're not yet 40 yet, but like, you know Oh yeah No, but in that age group Do I want to be a stepmom as well Or I'm just trying to get my end off? Well, I'm just trying to get my end off. Well, I guess it depends on if you're trying to find a partner or if you're just getting fucked. That's what I mean.

Yeah. For Charles. There's filters. Is there? Can you just filter out parents? No, but like you can like filter out like what you're looking for because there's like different like categories of like, oh, you're looking for something like long term or like short term fun or short term open for long. How short is your short term preference, Charles? Search for anal.

Length of relationship. Oh, 90 minutes. Oh, what are you going to do? three times. This is normal honor. Send your normal honor through to the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group or Tony and Ryan.com. Yeah,

we'll cop an email. That's a website. That was neither of those options. That was neither of those options. Both options I said, not email. I just, sorry, I'm just trying my best. Emily.

Hi, Emily. Whenever I want a bus, I always have to fight the urge to do a little thank you. Who's a bus? Okay Do we need the horse photo? Nah I feel like Nah we're going to sit in here

Let's hurry up and finish this I need an air cut Oh okay Now we do need the horse photo Got a boarding pass to Fiji Oh yep Dr Dick Chop Yep

Oh there's my laptop Great I think the horse might be upstairs And you have to do You can have to mean it you do the horse photo. I wouldn't fuck with the horse photo. Hey now,

why I'm looking at the GoPro or the other one? I never know. And now you look at me. I love you. Love you. Emily. Whenever I'm on the bus, I always have to fight the urge,

do a little thank you a finger point to give to the bus driver. You got to finger the bus driver. As a passenger, I clearly don't have to, but the impulse is still there. Oh, I always do. When you walk on, thanks, mate.

Yeah. Hi. I actually, you know what, I'm less likely to do a high, but I will always go like, thanks. Yeah, same. And do the like, little white people smile. Like, you hop off.

Why do we do that? I don't know. It's like the same when you walk across the road. What, like, how far forward can we poke our heads? You know? But you've got to do it. And if I was in the car and somebody was crossing and they didn't do that, I'd be like, what a c-a-c.

Yeah. This morning I did a real, like, one of the roads near me, it's like two cars barely fit through. So if there's one coming the other way, you have to do a bit like, oh. And so I went sort of in the driveway to let this other person through. And I was like, mate, I've really gone out and all in there. You better give me something good.

Yeah. And they did. They really gave me the like. So I know the road you're talking about. Yeah. And a couple of weeks ago, I was at your house. and as I was leaving, I pulled across because someone was coming my way

and then as they came towards me, they went, what the fuck are you doing? Because I'd let them through. What? And they wound their window down. They're like, why are you waiting? And I was like, oh, there's not that much room. And they're like, fuck you.

And they kept driving. What? Yeah. They're in an Audi Q7. They're in like a really big car. Do you reckon they were intimidated because they're not used to seeing another Audi? And they were like, no,

I'm the Audi in this town. Yeah, Audi and about it, you know. Yeah, but I pulled across, because there isn't a lot of room. And they said,

what the fuck are you doing? And they literally, they went like that and I just went, what? And then as they got, because they were going quite slowly. Yeah. And then as they got closed,

they were like, what are you fucking waiting for? And I was like, oh, there's not that much room. Because I thought they would do it. I was like, maybe my high beams are on or so, I don't know.

The nerve of that Audi Q7. But like, so I know where you're talking about, there isn't enough room. and it's really nice to you be like, oh, you've got to pull across the mic. Yeah, you do. But also, like, even if I did pull over and I didn't really need to, it doesn't matter. Nothing really matters. But you're still coming.

It doesn't, like, it hasn't affected you, like, one eye over. They've seen an out of you newer than theirs and they've gone, nah. They've, like, let them bother them. That was my thing. That was my thing. And they've lashed out. Yeah, they didn't like that. Yeah.

But, yeah, it was so random. But yeah, in that, you've got to give something. if someone's pulled over or whatever. You know that website you showed me the other day, Next.com.com. Yes. Oh, RIP, our bank accounts. I did apologize.

Oh, you warned me up front. To be fair, you acknowledge that. Yeah. And do you remember that website you showed me in? I was like, what's this going to be? You know the shirt I showed you that I like? Yes, the matching set. Yeah, but how would you describe what was on the shirt and stuff?

But it's like Mexican colors and like tequila and like, oh la. And she's like, that is. like fun patchwork vibes. Yeah. So Rebecca Kane has a normal owner. Hi Rebecca Kane. She likes that.

Yeah. That is the shirt. That's the shirt. That's the shirt. That's the shirt. That's the shirt. Yeah. And lots of fun stuff.

Yeah. The reason that the website got brought into question was because I didn't know whether it was a scam or not. I'd never seen it before. But it's apparently like a very real shop. We'll see if it turns off. Yeah. Yeah.

So Rebecca likes that vibe as well. It's like. But she's got a bit of a rule. Refusing to wear clothing. food on it if you don't like that food. Cute shirt with sardines on it. Well, I don't like sardines, so I can't wear that shirt. Sure.

Aparel spritz. It's too bitter for me. Yeah. That's a pass. I don't want to be called out for wearing something and I can't back it up. It's like if you're wearing a band t-shirt and some guy comes over to you and they're like, what's their first born child's name? Oh, you're not a real fan.

Not a real fan. What's funny about this from Rebecca Is that I think normal for me But in the opposite way Like if I saw it Because I also don't like apparel sprit It is also too bitter for me So if I saw something with apparel on it

I'd go oh well I don't like apparel So like normal but I didn't realize You did it you were doing it subconsciously Yeah that I was just like oh I don't like Apparel so of course I don't like that out Like, I don't feel like it's a shame because I'm like, oh, I wouldn't rep something I wasn't a fan of. I mean, right now I'm just wearing something with a big fucking flower on it. I mean, I love flowers.

You do love flowers. Like, that makes sense. And they're bright and colorful just like you are. That's beautiful. And they're wearing a Tony and Ryan and Ryan Hart. And that's beautiful. And I love those guys. You love those guys.

Met him in a lift once. Lovely. I've done to say something. Please do. And you're going to feel like you're getting caught in the crossfires. Oh, okay. People who think they're better than apparel spritz are not better than anyone,

because they're delicious. Yeah. And they fucking rule. And put them on a t-shirt, and I'll wear it because I love them. And that's so fair. I don't have anything against an apparel. I'm not like,

because you know how some people are like, it's the worst. Like, I just don't like apparel. Yeah. And it is just too bitter for me. Yeah. I'm also not a big fan,

because doesn't I have like soda water in it as well? Don't know. Does it? I usually put the Prosecco in and that's the... Well, maybe I've had one made for me once. I'd had like, like, Proseco and soda water and Aparol or something. And I just was like, oh, that is like so overpowering for me. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, it's got soda water in it. Oh, yeah. So, soda water, apparel and Prosecco. I don't like soda water or Aparole. Prosecco's fine. It wouldn't be what I would pick. But I think soda water on its own is completely different to soda water with something else in it. But it's soda water.

Because Coke is soda water. with cola. With the syrup in it. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's like then sweetened with something I don't like. Yeah. So I'm like, it just doesn't do it for me.

Yeah. I would love to enjoy an apparel because they look really festive. Would you like to wear a t-shirt with apparel? No. But because I'd be like, oh, I'd feel like a phony. What do you think about? You know how there's that kind of poster artwork? Yeah.

That'd be like, Ponstantino. Yeah. Positano. Yes. Yeah. And it'd be all cute and stuff. Like, do you have to have been there to have that at your house? I wonder that too, but like...

It's like, oh, you're a big fan of there. And you go, I've never been. I just like that, but... I just like that poster. Are you allowed to just like the poster? I like posters of Pulp Fiction and the movie, take it or leave it. Yeah, sure. But like...

In fact, I don't think I've ever seen the whole thing in one sitting. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. Fuck it now. Yeah, it's fine. It's good. It's fine. I don't think.

think I get it, but... It's an interesting movie. Like, I would say it's one of those ones you have to have seen. But it's like a cult classic. And if I went into someone's like, like, man cave and they had like a Pulp Fiction post, you'd be like sick. Yeah, it looks cool. Yeah, but I, like...

Yeah. I think, I'm going to go on the record. I think you're allowed to just like stuff. Yeah. Like, I don't think you have to have been to Positano to have the Positano on your table. Do you have to like sardines to wear it? I don't think so.

Yeah. But if you're like, oh, I don't want. someone asked me about sardines, just don't wear him, that's okay. What's the maiden name of the sardine? Oh, you're not a true fan? Yeah. You bet like people do that. Yeah, I've got band t-shirts that I wear on this show.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you were wearing a pink Floyd shirt that Charles thought was cold play and that's fine. I listened to the album, the pink of the t-shirt I have. Oh, yeah. After I bought the t-shirt. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, I just want to see what this is about. Yeah.

It was okay. It was a moment in time. It is. And it's also quite a heavy out, like it's a, there's a, It's a heavy album. It's quite experimental. Yeah. And most songs have like a two-minute instrumental at the start.

Which is not your area. I like when three seconds, the lyrics start. Or an a cappella start. You for music is me for a 90-minute movie. So true. I'd listen to a 12-minute song. That doesn't face me at all. But a 90-minute movie, anything longer than that, get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Marco is got a normal or not. Hi, Marco. Polo. I always use the sink that's furthest away to wash my hands. Otherwise, they never get used and might feel left out. Is that normal or no?

Normal. That's actually normal. That's really sweet. That is sweet, Mark. I also feel like, I'm guessing that right now we mean like in a public bathroom, like you walk to the furthest one away. There is something in my mind that tells me it's the least grimy. So true.

I think that with the toilet. I think that with the toilets as well, like I'll always go to the very end. Because I'm like the first one, people are like ducking in and going to the toilet. I'll go to the furthest one away. Yeah, no, that's a great call. Yeah. That is a great call. It might, I don't know if that's real science, though.

Is everybody thinking the same thing and it's the worst one? I'm going to let you believe it's the cleanest. Yeah. Because. What does it matter? And I've gone to a public toilet. Like, I'm letting myself happen. I'm Jacob from Sydney.

Hi, I'm Gerset from Rosario, Argentina. Hi, I'm Georgia. This is Charlie from Cairns Australia. And you're listening. Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers using the dirtiest toilet probably. Charlotte, good on you, Charlotte. Alyssa.

Alyssa. Amanda Thompson. Good on you, Amanda. I hope no one calls you Mandy for short. Do they not like that? It's not for me. Your mum's a Mandy. Because she is a Mandy.

Say. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're two separate names. Yeah. I think I'd like a nickname. Let's save that, but think about it. Write it down for next week, Charles. Have a think about that. Would you like people to provide one in there? Sure. But let's talk about that next week. I actually met this four-year-old at Spotlight the other day and he goes, I've got a nickname for that fat slut.

And I said, have you already said it out loud? And he goes, yeah, just then. He goes, yeah, I've got it. What do you reckon it is? Kelsey, got on your, Kelsey. It starts with an F and write. with rat slug. Kelsey, you can only have. Barbara Underwood, Rachel Bertler, thank you, Rachel.

Maddie, Catherine Walker and Miranda. Love to see it. Thank you very much. This fat slut is so appreciative. Today is the last clue to come and find us for a fifth birthday. Oh, we're going to get some messages.

Final clue. Where in the world is our fifth birthday party? Last year it was Vancouver. On a boat that didn't work. Yeah, the boat didn't move, but we did. The year before, it was in London at a pub and about a thousand people turned up, which now means they are ticketed. They have kept.

The final clue. Crusading through the motherland. Crusading through the motherland. Guess which city it is in. We'll see you on Sunday in that city's time zone. Uh-huh. Local. And can I just take a moment to say, is that the average podcast goes for 11 episodes

and we're up to, oh, a question without notice, Charles, 1200, 1100, something like that. Yep. Like, well over 1,000, because 1,000 was earlier this year. Yes, yeah. And the fact, like,

we kind of like, oh, planning the fifth birthday and yeah, where should we go and what should we do? And this will be fun. And then, but I think we owe it to ourselves to just take a moment to go, holy fuck, five years ago,

half a decade ago. Fuck. We were like, Tony, let's like pretend to do a show so you can send the audio off and maybe get a radio job. And now here we are with a community that we love being a part of

in our own fun little studio with our fun little corduroy shit chairs and what an amazing effort that we've done and the whole community has made possible for us. So thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. That's from both of us. That's really beautiful.

Yeah, I mean, literally couldn't say it better myself. Like, that is what it is. Five years is a long fucking time. It's longer than I've ever worked at a job. It's longer than Charles has been alive. So this is at 1,142. My lucky number. 1142.

Yeah. Oh, that's what time it is. It's not. But it is for someone. It made me years. If anybody has even said 1142 really out. If you're listening right now, it's 1142. message us and say coincidence shot.

Send us a screenshot or something. But it has been amazing and we really appreciate it. It's a longest job I've ever had by a mile. Yeah. And we also just really couldn't have imagined that it would get to where it's gotten to and not in terms of like, but just the fact it's still going and that we now have an amazing team and that we've gotten to meet Tarpas all over the world. Incredible.

It's really cool. And we would love to celebrate with you. So this Sunday, if you can find us, the tickets, if you figure out where it is and think that might be near you. The tickets are available today. At 4pm Melbourne time. Yep. So,

and that if you're listening in the future, it's Thursday the 20th of August, 20, 26 right now. Yeah. Like, don't fuck around with it. Someone books in and goes,

oh, yeah. I'm late, how late? Seven years. Yeah. And they stopped five years ago. Yeah.

And hey, here's to the next five. Oh, that's beautiful. Here's to the next five. Fuck yeah. Here's the next 50. I'm not going anywhere.

Um, now, I said to Tony because it is our fifth birthday, wouldn't it be fun for you to do a segment about turning five or the number five or something? And Tony goes, I've got the greatest idea in podcast history. We'll know. Settle the fuck in. I've taken the number five and I've ram with it.

And I'm going to do the best story that's ever been told on a podcast. I think that you're doing dream chat. That didn't occur. Hello, the creator of cereal? Oh, you think you know how to make great podcasts. Wow, shut the fuck up. Oh my God. Tony Lodge is about to tell a story about the number five.

Thank you. I thought you meant breakfast cereal. I was like, what is that up to do with? That's extremely funny. Hello, Kellogg's. Hello, Crunchy Nuts, dad. Crunchy Nuts senior. Crunchy Nut, that is my father.

You can call me Nuff. No formalities needed here. And the greatest story of all time will start in three, two, one. Action. Here's some iconic things that come in fives. The Olympic rings. The spice girls. The five senses.

And my husband. That was the greatest story of all time. When you were saying him, about to go and me in college. But there you go. That was really good. Thank you so much. What are you love to see?

Do you want to hear some things that didn't make the cut? Sure. Sure. I'm reading. Oh, take the high, mate. We're done. Okay, well, we can be done. No, okay.

What are you? Imagine not making the cut of that list. There's five Simpsons. There's five strings. There's six. Marge, Homer, but Lisa and Maggie. Grandpa, Simpson.

Oh, the immediate family, I guess. Oh, cool. I didn't pay attention in the census. Strings on a banjo. The stages of grief. I'm in one of them now. And gallons in most office water jugs. Yeah.

I've got to you love to say it here. Just share with everyone. That was fantastic. Thank you so much. I actually set you up for failure and you did not fail. Hey, I really appreciate. I appreciate that. I love that.

Did you want me to fail? Is that what you want? No, it's like, oh, the greatest of all time. But it was. So jokes on me. This might be the last episode. I can't, we can't cap that. 1142 and done, as they say.

Five and out. I've got a love to see it here from Danielle Parker. And this is the epitome of your love to see it. Danielle says, I've got McDonald's breakfast today. Tree's, though. Is that the whole story? Because agree. It could be.

You do love to see that. stop there and that could be just a brilliant day, Daniel. But we push on. They handed me my order and I thought, oh, the bag feels a little bit too light. I looked inside. They gave me one hash brown and a burrito, but no McMuffin. Also, what the fuck in America? A breakfast burrito? That sounds amazing. Do you know what fucks the breakfast burritos at GYG? We haven't gotten those for ages. Because there's a GYG in Eltham. Why don't I bring some in for breakfast one day. That would be amazing.

Consider it. Ryan Dunn. I think it's coming in a five. I think my idea to list. I love that it's a cousin of, you know that Shane Gillis joke? He did about Caitlin Clark. So Caitlin Clark is the greatest, like, college basketball ever. Sure.

She just does not miss three-pointers. She's the greatest shot ever. Right. And he's like, the thing me and Caitlin Clark having common is, we both nailed a lot of threes during college. I mean, yeah, it is. I didn't know that. Get it. Get it.

He's obviously taken some inspo from me. Yeah, he has. Danielle says, I kindly told her like, hey, I'm really sorry, I ordered a sausage wick muffin as well. Yeah. And she handed me a bag with the sausage wickmuffin and another hash brown.

Yes. I've got a free hash brown today. And what a better way to start today. What better way to start the day? Sorry, I'll fuck it. I've gone out. out on the high. I've let go. I've clocked off. What did we say bring joys the other day? What did we say bring joys the other day? Or if you got a single sushi as you were walking out

a came up. Where do you put a fucking free hash brown on that list? It's at the top. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like a bonus brown. On a list of small joys and extra hash brown, I would also say an extra nugget. Like you've ordered 10 and there's 11 in there. That's good. Ordering 10 is great fiction because Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't. On my order again, it's like the 40 pack. Yeah. Yeah, do you guys want anything? You know how sometimes you learn about other people's lives and you just go,

what are the rest of us doing? Oh, my God. Like some people have just nailed life. And you just go, how has someone got it so right? Literally all the time. I think we can all be inspired by this person. Is it inspiring or will it make me be depressed? I actually do think it's inspiring

or we can just sit back and respect this guy and go you know what? Say, okay. Some people have just nailed in brief. Got it. Ian Fleming is the author of the Jamesy Bondo books. They started as books. Really?

Yeah, so Ian Fleming like created James Bond and the world and the MI6. He must be fucking rolling in it. Yeah. Actually, can we bring a picture of him? There he is. Oh! Now, this is him sitting at his desk and his house in Jamaica.

Where, you know, with his, what are those machines called? The typewriter. And like banging out like the Jamesy Bondo back in the day. So let me and so. And look at him as well. Recently there, so he's like a matching set there of shorts and a shirt. He's got a cigarette in one of those fancy holders. And he's typing away, legs crossed.

He's probably got a boat shoe and I imagine. Oh, one million. So someone's found an old excerpt from an article about him or whatever and he's sort of gone, here's like my day, like my routine. Oh yeah, laid on me. Like, no, I love this shit. Where the fuck have the rest of us gone wrong? Okay, no, do it.

7.30 a.m. Get up with the birds and bathe in the ocean. Birds like feathered birds or ladies? Could be either. Yeah, could be either. No, he's a married man. He lives with his wife. But so like the doors are open.

you can just hear the birds chirping and then he goes out into the ocean then i get back for breakfast and i have scrambled eggs while sitting in the garden until 10 a.m from 10 a.m i sit down at the desk and write 1,500 words without looking back just goes for it then at 1215 i snorkel around the bay looking for lobsters then i bring back a lobster if i've caught one and have a couple of pink gins and eat the lobsters for lunch then at 2.30 till four peter I have a siesta, an afternoon nap as I look out the window and see the ocean and the beautiful sunshine. At 4 o'clock, I sit in the garden for an hour and then go for another swim. At 5pm, I write another 500 words, number the pages from the morning session, put them in my folder,

set them all up for tomorrow and then have a couple of powerful drinks. At 7pm, I have dinner with my wife and then we play Scrabble. Then I go to bed. That's what Ian Flores. Fleming did every day for years and years and years while he wrote all these James E Bondo novels. In Jamaica at his little beach house. That is what a dream. Have you ever read anything more beautiful than that? What did you do today? Busy day at work?

Yeah, it included a siesta three swims, a couple of stiff pink gins with lunch, playing scrabble with my wife sitting in the garden. And a lobster. A little lobby roll, if you don't mind. How fresh is it? half an hour ago. I caught it with my bare hands just down there. Yeah. That's pretty James Bond stuff. It was obviously based on a true story. Well, he's, James Bond's got, is a bit of a like gangster. Yeah. And then you look at this guy and you just go, yeah, this guy knows. He's living right. Yeah. Fuck. What an inspiration. Actually, though. Let's move to Jamaica.

Today. Yes. Oh, we'll be close for the birthday party. I've said too much. I'm hoping the Hawks win a grand final in four weeks. After that, I'll go anywhere with you. Okay. Yeah. So? I almost blurted out where we're going this weekend because I was trying to work out what time the Hawks game will be on.

Yeah, no. Well, it's near Jamaica. I've said too much. So what day would the Sunday night game be if we were in Jamaica? You're Jamaican me crazy with these time zone chat. Do you make me come? Never do. All right.

See you somewhere. in the world on Sunday, their time. Their time. And just a bit of housekeeping because of the time zone chat, Monday will be a regular episode and then Tuesday will be live

from the party. Yes. And because of the time zones, it can't be Monday because Time zones. Yep. Would have already happened. It said too much.

Love you. Love you. Thanks for hanging out with us for five years. And if you've only just joined, enjoy the next five. So true Yeah And if you're in Fleming

Get a lobby roll in you And hit a stiff pink gin Yeah And I've always said that And then have a drink Love you Bye See at the birthday party