Toni and Ryan - The Flight Attendant vs Lasanga

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Lasagna on the plane - Grumpy Greg - Funny reviews - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You will never be more popular in your life than the day you take a lasagna to an airport. Everyone who worked for Qantas was awesome, except for one guy. Oh. One of the flight attendants. Sir, we're about to land. The lasagna's going to have to go come to the seat in front of you or in the overhead apartment. Did you just go, Greg, eat my pussy. It's kind of, I was just like, can you f*** off?

Can you just go and actually help someone? Yeah, oh, I'm Megan. Hi, I'm Megan. And we're from Mugden, New Brunswick. This is Sam from Hampshire and England. Hi, I'm Chelsea from Columbus, Ohio, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. What can I smell? Is it me?

Did someone just put a wheat bag in the microwave? Yeah, it's banana bread. It was yeasty. Oh, a hot yeast. Yeah, cool. Okay. Welcome to the show. Huge day for us.

Sorry, that just really caught my note. It smells like a wheat bag in the microwave. You know how a wheat bag has that hell distinct smell? Of wheat? Bread. So true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome to the Yeasty Boys podcast.

Post wheat, isn't it? Because like wheat and then it gets ground down into flour. But one of those bags is like just the wheat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like that's post wheat. Flower. Yeah. Crazy.

It's a crazy world out there. We all smoked weed before this. For legal purposes, that is a joke. Yeah. And that's what we do here. Jokes, yes, weed, no. We would actually be fucking useless if we smoke weed. Could you imagine?

I have not smoked weed in years. No, no, like years and using it. Like such a long time. Yeah. But we would just be in a puddle crying laughing. Oh, I would be laughing so hard. Yeah, but none of this would be like enjoyable for the other, like the audience. I was trying to say something along the lines of understanding the word I can say.

And I said it whilst not being able to talk. Yeah. So it would be a bit like that. This is my base. If this is my baseline, you know what I'm in trouble. Not strong. Um, now, a few weeks ago, we learned that Australia's golden couple, Maddie J and Laura Burn. Yep, had their third baby and then I went to...

Poppy is such a cute name. Such cute name. Like, it is, oh, I actually, um, during winter, planted heaps of seeds in my garden. Mm-hmm. And one of the only ones that have actually bloomed so far, because now that it's spring, is the poppies and they are beautiful. Yeah. Mabel had a sleep over on the weekend and Poppy came around and stayed. Oh.

Yep. So a shout out. Rach and Andy. Yep. And Poppy. Well, yeah, their parents have to come. Well, you're saying Poppy, it sounds like granddad. Yeah. Oh, poppy came round.

So true. Yeah. So I wanted to just. A three-year-old poppy. That Rod didn't do that. Yeah, no. Yeah. Rod didn't come around and look after Maple. Yeah.

He's about the meantime. But he didn't. He didn't. Yeah, he didn't. And so. What does she? Joel I think we're going to go with

Grampy Oh but isn't Joel's dad Grampy as well Yeah so the thing with the generations Is it like Oh but normally you just do a different name So it's not like Do you?

Yeah Because it's like That's Grampy Because I know what you mean Like it's like how If you had in-laws Yeah What the mom on one side is Nana

The other side would be grandma Yeah Or whatever Because you go well That's their name now Yeah, well, because I... Grampy is cute, though. Yeah, I've met Grampy.

You have met Grampy when we're in New York City. New York City, eh? So I think we tried a few other names for him, but they just didn't feel right. Did I have any other grandkids yet? No, May, this is the first one. Yeah, oh, so she's the trend set up. Oh, mate. And she's also the, like...

She's the baby family. Yeah. So, I went to do a podcast at Maddie J's house. I only just put two and two together that we do it at his house. They've just had a baby. Of course, we can't turn up empty-handed. So, Tony, you were thinking about knitting something. Yep.

We ended up deciding on going with lasagna. Yep. And can I just say, let me put this on the record. You will never be more popular in your life than the day you take a lasagna to an airport. Everyone is just like, oh, what's you doing? What you got? Everyone loved the fuck out of it. Everyone's asking questions.

Like, everyone's like, so, it's so festive. Now, I want you to. But that's not really your area of. No. So if I was walking through the airport, I would be like, yeah, my friends have just had a baby. I would love that, but were you a bit over it? Well, I had to turn it up a little bit, but I have a listen. This is me, actually, you can probably press play on this.

I put my phone down when I was checking in and have a listen to the Qantas staff. Oh, well, there is a lot there. This is made by... It's a famous Melbourne chef. Tony Lodge actually made this. Tony Lodge made this because Maddie J and Laura. Oh, it's from the heart, ma'am. but Maddie J and Laura had a baby

and you can't turn up empty-handed You know what, that's such a beautiful thing Thank you, I appreciate that It's actually is That's worth more than flowers or anything Thank you I hope they think so All right, thank you very much

That is Is that woman also writing fucking hallmark cards? Yeah, what a gem That means more from the heart Than any else else else Yeah, and then her colleague comes over And goes

Oh, are you planning to take that to Sydney because I was a bit defensive on the day I was nervous because you're not planning of taking that to Sydney I didn't know whether they would be like you can't take that on the planet

Yeah and I go Oh yeah I am And she goes I don't think that'll be able to You'll be able to do that And I was like oh It shouldn't it be fine And she goes

You'll have to leave it with me Oh Chitty Yeah and let me just say The comedians came out of the woodwork When you are carrying something through an airport Down the street

People love it I have been carrying flowers down the street before to take to a girlfriend. And people go, oh, are they for me? Yeah. They love it. Well, let me tell you my favorite seven jokes, uh, between security and the plane. Okay. Counting down, actually, let's do like a, you know when they do like, here's the top 10 songs on the old hot 30 countdown.

But we count down. Yeah. So can you, but you know how it's like, number seven. No, no, no, no, no, number seven. Oh. I hope you got enough for all of us. No, that's my first favorite one. Number six.

Oh, hope you got enough for all of us. Number five. What's that? Oh, lasagna. Hope you got enough for all of us. Do we need to do the next four? Yep. Number four.

What do you got there? I've got lasagnas for Maddie Jane. Wow, it's a pretty big one. I'm lucky because there's a lot of us here. number three hope you got enough for all of us number two two to do to do to do

I'll just get a knife and fork because hope you got enough for all of us number one oh it's a full flight today hope you got enough for all of us and I went from to

please now see that would have given me yes I'm like an energizer bunny. Yeah. If people would have been doing that to me, I would have fucking ran to Sydney.

Yeah, I'm not enough energy. So the nervous, probably the most nervous part and also the most hilarious was putting the lasagna on the conveyor belt through security. And I didn't. There's all these business people around putting their briefcases on and you put a lasagna in there. Now, Tony made, and I'm not going to do it justice because it was in the moment, but on the day Tony made the funniest joke I've ever heard because I said, I wonder what's going to happen going through security

and Tony goes, pretended to be a security gun and goes, excuse me, ma'am, did you pack that lasagna yourself? Or you know, like when you go through the airport and like every airport's different, some of them you have to take your laptop out of your bag, some of them you leave your laptop in.

Like, I'll just imagine going up to security like, oh, is it lasagna in bag or out of that? And now Atapa actually came up to me And I think because they'd heard on the show That we were planning and doing it And they went, oh, is that for Maddie Jane? I was like, yeah, Tony made this La Janya. And they said, oh, that's so nice for her.

Oh, there's enough for all of us. No, no, they looked at it. And I don't know if you realize this Because obviously normally when you put foil on, you just put it in the fridge. Yeah. And but like, potentially if you were traveling into state, you'd like put a bit more foil on.

Oh. And they went on. Fuck a lot of editorial from you. mate well this guy this type goes she's got a bit bit stingy on the foil there i can see it on the side and like the top of the foil was like right on the edge so like the slightest of breezes you could see the lasagna oh yeah so oh i'm so no but this actually becomes important soon um because they said it's security like what's in there and i go it's lasagna and they go you sure and then because it didn't have my i could actually like flop it open yeah and

show them and they go, oh, okay, it's all good. Well, that's why I did it for security recents. But then anyway, there's two security guards in particular were like, could see me coming a mile away. And they were like, looking at me. And I was like, fuck, what's going on here? And then. And I baked a gun into it.

Well, you and Charles joked about what if we hid a weapon in the thing. And that, it's not funny, but it was. But it is kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah, I know. But then the funny thing is, the thing that actually reassured me, and obviously, A, we don't do pranks. But I was like, if you were pranking me, you wouldn't have said that out loud.

No. So that was enough for me to go, well, obviously they haven't. Because if they had, how funny, but like, obviously not. So anyway, but these two. Not funny at all, but funny to say, not funny to say, not funny to repeat on a podcast. Maybe not funny to be at the Melbourne airport, one of the world's greatest airports. Yeah. Maybe the world's greatest airport.

I'd say it's the world's greatest airport. Should we reveal what they've messaged? Yeah. So with the golden ticket tarpa, who will have never. shortly. Not shortly like today, like at some stage, yeah. The Melbourne airport's mess. It sounds like, oh, coming up next.

Yeah. The Melbourne airport goes, oh, I've heard about the golden ticket tapper. How about we roll out the VIP rock star treatment when they arrive in the country? Because obviously when a big superstar comes, they've got like, oh, we've got a secret passage so they can avoid the papar. And like then we'll have the- Like Kim Kardashian's not going through the security line. Yeah, like the main one. Next to the guy with the lasagna.

Yeah, exactly. So the golden ticket tarpa is going to be treated by the Melbourne airport. They actually said, don't say anything because it's not affiliated and I just work there. Oh. But that's okay. Thanks so much. I actually forgot about that part, obviously. Obviously.

So these two security guards moving right along, they see me coming a mile away. Yeah. I get up there and they go, two of them is going to get on. They go, hey, mate. And I was like, I was like, fuck, is this the moment where at all? Because there was times on my, I don't know if it's going to work. Oh, yeah. I was fully expected them to take it off here.

And also, the lasagna and the tray was actually. really heavy and I actually at one stage said to Lil, if they take it off me, I actually won't be mad because I'm sick of carrying it. Yeah, because I don't have to fucking carry a lasagna around. And so he goes, hey, mate, what are you got in there? And I go, um, lasagna. And the pull back before and you go, ah. Yeah. And the guy goes, do. And the girl, the other security guy goes, oh, we're putting bets on. I, and a guy goes, I thought it would have been a casserole. And she goes, no, no, I can see a lasagna tray a mile away. Nah, because whoever's cooked it hasn't put the foil on.

You can see it from the side. Yeah, yeah. I will say, like, when I was making the lasagna, because it was like a Sunday, like, it was the weekend. And I was like, you know what? The last thing I want to do, and this is selfish, but the last thing I want to do is make a lasagna that I don't even get to eat. Like, that's because it smells so good. And I was like, should I just do like a just. sauce and not really go the whole hog and then I was like no you know what if someone eats

because I didn't know whether it would make it there was chat about whether it would be still edible by the time I got there would have been out of the fridge for a long time so I was like look chances are pretty slim someone's going to eat this but if they do and they go oh it tastes a bit like jar sauce I will never see the light of day again no and That will be over for me. I can't deal with that. And I'm sure at one stage in your life again, you'll go on life uncart. Or you'll see Laura or Maddie J somewhere.

Or if they'd eaten the jarred sauce, I wouldn't. No, that's what I mean. No, they would never invite me onto the show again because they go, well, she gave us that jar sauce was on. Yeah. So Tony put her best foot and her best Bashamel sauce forward. Best broken foot forward. I was still in the moon boot while I was cooking out. Fuck, yeah.

Yep. So we're all, we're looking good. We've got through security. I get onto the plane and everyone. just like, that's so nice. Hope there's enough for everyone, blah, blah, blah. Everyone who worked for Qantas was fucking awesome. That's so sweet.

Except for one guy. Oh. One of the flight attendants. Yeah. He didn't get it. He didn't get it. He doesn't get comedy. He doesn't get helping out new parents.

And I don't think he gets lasagna because this is what happens. Well, he sounds like the worst person you ever met. Who doesn't get lasagna? So I walk down. What is he anti-Garfield? And probably. He loves lasagna. He hates Mondays.

So true. Yeah. He says. I think this guy loves Mondays. This is going to sound like a bit. And I'm just going to, we can talk this out together because it still doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Okay.

I'm walking down the aisle carrying a fucking lasagna. It's in like a green dish. Yeah. There'll be a video on Instagram and stuff. He goes, you're going to have to. to put that in the overhead compartment. The only way I'm putting this lasagna in the overhead compartment is if it's got an oven in it and we're eating it up and we're all having a little bit.

And I was like, hey, bro, I don't think you understand. I was like, I just said, well, I'm not going to, I said, I'm actually not going to do that. Hot big for two reasons. You were protecting my lasagna. Yeah, but I was also protecting everyone else's. bags you know what I mean like your jacket rolls in the oh but you take off that shit slides up and down and like allegedly there wasn't heaps of foil you know what I'm saying which is why this is no I just can't do fucking anything right my messy house my no foil it's a bit like if you

were told it's in the overhead compartment you'd go oh that's dumb let me fucking like yeah but of course you're logical yeah and a rational human being and I was like dude like it's not just for me It's like, for your customers, I'm not putting a fucking lasagna. Like, it's going to go everywhere. How did he think that was going to go? And this is the line, he said. Oh, I hate him. He goes, let's put in a formal complaint.

I might. I think we will. I said to him, it's a lasagna. And he goes, this is like the strangest sentence I've ever heard in my fucking life. Like, get a fucking hobby, you know. He goes, I've got so many. This guy can have one. Pick one of Tony's.

I've got all the stuff Yeah I would give it to To you It's a lasagna But to me And to safety It's a projectile

Here's another projector For those of you Playing along at home Tony He's raised her middle finger And I was like What

And he goes It could fucking Shoot across the thing Like if it's on your lap It could Because you know You can't have A bag on your lap

And whatever You know what Everyone's so mad That the cameras Have turned off Yeah that's how pissed they are. Like, you can't have a bag on your lap because, you know, and so...

Hang on. Hang on. What about for takeoff and landing? You can hold a baby. And lasagna is my baby. That lasagna was my baby. I put a lot of love into that. So, Lily and I did poor men's business class. Yeah.

Which is sitting down the back of the plane and economy. We booked the window and the aisle and hope no one would sit in the middle. Yeah. The only fucking spare seat. on the plane was between us. No fucking way. They'll literally, we got an email the night before being like,

it's fully booked. Please like please put your bags under. It's going to be one of those ones. Yeah, there's not enough room in the overhead bin. You couldn't fit a lasagna in there. Yeah. And so we're like,

okay, fuck, we're probably not. There's one spare seat on the entire plane that's between us. And we're like, thank God. So we put. That was my mom. Thank you, Liz.

Yeah. Lizania. So I put it in the seat between us. Comically with the seat. belt on, I hope. You say comically, but Lil clipped it in and she's like, it's actually holds it pretty good. Like, and we're like, oh, I think we've got away with my head.

And then fucking flattent walks past and you go, uh, no. Oh, I was, I was trying to. And he goes, guys, it either goes in the overhead compartment or it has to be on the seat in front of you underneath. On the floor. Yeah. Sliding around with people's stinky converses. Yeah.

It's food. for a new mother. Yeah. And so we're like... What does he hate women? He sounds like an absolute nightmare. And I was sort of like almost about to go, if you want us to just leave it behind,

but I'm not putting... I can't put it in the overhead compartmental. And I'm not putting it on the ground. Well, you can... And I love this about you. You're really concerned about the lasagna. Yeah. I'm more concerned about the fucking plain.

Because if we put it on the ground and it flops open and flies down the thing. They'll just be fucking Bechamel sauce and meat and shit everywhere. If the container cracked, that would be a stabbing, like shards. Yeah, like, people would hurt themselves. And so I'm like, bro, I'm not putting in the overhead compartment. I'm like, we can't really put it on the ground because it's going to, when the plane takes off, it's going to slide. It's slide backwards, yeah.

And he goes, I'm sorry. Well, I don't think you are sorry, Greg. I don't think he was either, Greg. So anyway. I don't know that his name was Greg, but I don't think it is. And I don't want to Yeah, out other Greggs.

Yeah, sorry, Greg. How good's a good Greg? A good Greg, fuck. Name your favorite Greg. From the Wiggles. I also like Greg James from BBC. And Greg, the CEO of ACAST. Yep.

Great Greggs. Great Greggs. But what's shit Greggs? The place that does the sausage rolls in London. Terrible Gregs. Terrible greggs. Good drugs. That's a really funny joke.

Yeah, that's a great joke. That's a great joke. we put the lasagna on the floor fuck off in the like the floor in between yeah Lil and I I'm like squeezing my right foot in

yeah she's squeezing her left foot in because we're like trying to hold it because as we take off the plane goes on this and it starts sliding back and we're like I think I almost got a cramp in my car and because it would have fucking kneecapped the people behind you're going to flying through yeah yeah and then

so you had to put it on the ground yeah and then when we and he goes just for landing and take off so then we got into the air Then we put it in the sea. And then when we're going to land, I was like, Lil, just leave it here. We'll get away with this one. You just put your jacket on the top of it or something.

Kind of. But he... Nah, there's the lasagna, we ate it. And then he comes back. It's not there anymore. So we're about to land. Lazzania's going to have to go back under the seat in front of you or in the overhead apartment.

Did you just go, Greg? Eat my pussy. He's kind of answers. Like, can you fuck off? Or just pretend you haven't seen it? Or can you just go and actually help someone? Yeah. Like there are people that need peanuts, Greg.

Yeah. Or tell me what the outside of the plane door. looks like. You know? Tell me how cold it is out there, mate. Yeah, it says minus two on the screen. Why don't you get a check for me, sweetheart? Yeah, because you're a minus two of good vibes.

You're sucking the air out of this plane and that's very dangerous. So. Do you know, I've never met a Qantas flight attendant in life. Neither. This is the one outlier. Genuinely. They're all lovely and really helpful and friendly. What flight were you on?

Name them and shame them. QF something Yeah That it would be Yeah It would be too So we get to Sydney That's just like

What a bad sport Yeah Like I get it They've got to do their job Fucking whatever But like Every other flight attendant Didn't give shit

As in now like You were doing That you weren't being An asshole about it Well you think of the people Like they probably deal With drunk people Or people being

In an asshole And I'm like This guy's carrying a lasagna And you had a spare seat You weren't gonna just Put it there And like Watch a movie

You were going to hold the fuck lasagna. I think it would be worse if I like, imagine you get on. You know, they check your ticket. Yeah. If I just went, oh, can you take care of this and just fucked it off? You know. Can you put this in the captain's cupboard? Yeah.

And I was like, well, I'm going to hold. I'm going to take. I am taking responsibility for the lasagna. Yeah. And leave that's so true. Yeah. Yeah. So we get to Sydney.

It's all good. We get off the flight. We walk out of the city and the same. We get off the plane and everyone goes, oh, thanks for bringing the lasagna to town. I'm like, fucking go right. That's amazing. Yeah. That's great gear of people.

Now, what you won't see in the video is we, I walked past, past Nathan Lyon. The, he plays cricket for Australia. Oh, I'm actually. Australia's great as off spinner. And I was just like, he's one of my heroes. And I walked past him in an airport holding lasagna. And I kind of went even to point at him, but I couldn't because I was holding a and we were filming.

And I was like, well, I was like, that's Nathan Lime. And I was just like, he's one of my favorite players. And I'd love to any other day, I'd have been, hey, mate, if I can just give him the lasagna lily? I was like, can I guess. Oh, but it was like, I was on the travelator thing, and he was going the other way. And we're actually mid-filming something. And I was like, and blah, blah, we're here in Sydney.

Oh, that's Nathan Lime. And he goes, oh, have you got enough for all of us? So anyway, we get to Maddie J's house. They've listened to the podcast episode. When we talked about it. Yeah. And so they were like, I wonder if he will, wonder if they won't. So I walked into a round of applause.

Amazing. And I kind of did the, it's been a fair trip from Melbourne. I won't be offended if you don't eat it it's just actually pretty funny did you believe this was a projectile that guy sounds like a fucking c-i I agree they said I've never had a bad

Qantas fly and I was like me neither until today and then I was like but like we aren't offended if you don't eat it we totally understand and he goes yeah I appreciate it and I was like let's take a photo blah blah later that night and I'll show you

I get a selfie of him like this they ate it that night and lunch the next two days. Two days. I got a video from Maddie J and Laura Byrne expressing their gratitude for the lasagna and Maddie J said, I don't know if this is rude or not,

but I'm surprised at how good this is. And Laura goes, that is rude, you g-ha! That is a little bit rude. From the background and he goes to pan to her and she goes, Don't, I'm topless! So it's a lot going on. Why didn't I get that video? Yeah, well.

But you know how on Instagram expires, I can't show. Yeah, otherwise I obviously would have played it, you guys. I would have played the video by. If Laura thought Matt was being a c when he said that, wait until she finds out about the flight attendant. She's never going to talk to a great again. She might pop out another one.

She might start flying Virgin. I think I might. Take that back. Take that back. I won't. You've got too many points. Yeah. It's too late now. Too many status credit.

Two to me moving to go. I'm Megan. Hi, I'm blue This is Sam from Hampshire in England Hi, I'm Chelsea from Columbus, Ohio And you're listening to Tony Ryan A massive shout out to a few of our champion typos. Not a shout out to Greg

Or not Greg, we don't know his name It might not be Greg And we would hate to besmirch the good name of Greg I don't know if it'll end up in a video or the episode, but just as we took that little breather, I just got my phone out and showed some photos. And there is evidence of Greg touching the lasagna. Greg laid his heads on my lasagna. Yeah, I was like, check out this. I got some footage on the phone and we were just shocked. I honestly, we've had to take 10 minutes. We had to do

a laugh of the building. Um, a massive shout out though to Jessica Hooley, Hooley Dooley. Uh, Richard Jacobowski. Love that, Richard. Em Hancock, love to see it. M. Thank you so much. Lottie Hardy, Annika, Marie Angela, I was about to say Angela, and I don't think that's it. Angelica? Marie Angela, Echavaria. Can I tell someone, people, something that might put them off Tony Lodge for life? Oh, don't. I, yeah.

Tony likes Angelica from Rugrats. I think that. Boo. One of the original Disney villains. On Nickelodeon, probably. Nickelodeon, Glasgow, Juppah, whatever. Yeah. I think that she is from a bit of a broken home, to be honest.

And I think that she is a villain because she hasn't been loved enough. And that's why I like it because I think that I don't think that she gets loved enough at home. And it makes me really sad. Anyway, Alexandra Calderon, Torches, Leveson, Johansen, and Tristan Lodge. And before you ask, no, we're not related. into it. They have. We have.

We actually have. Every time interested messages, I go, oh, are we related? And then I scroll up in Pedro and go, we've talked about this before. And a shout out to Angelica. And if anybody else has an opinion on Angelica Pickles, I think that people should just like reassess their thoughts on her. Do I think that she acted with integrity always? No.

Do I think that sometimes that she was a bit of a Greg? Yeah. But I don't think it's her fault. I think she's a product of her environment. And aren't we all really? Nature versus nurture. I mean, you'd know all about that being an adoptee. But I'm not a villain though.

No, but nature versus nurture doesn't mean you're a villain. Everyone's laughing. It doesn't mean you're a villain. And that's fine because I killed those guys. You're not a villain at all. You're no Greg. So true. That's the new Carla Conti.

You're acting like a real Greg. We were talking about. reviews the other week. What was the review that got you over the line? That when I was looking at buying a new fridge, there was a woman who said, this fridge is amazing. You can stand up bottles of wine and it fits a whole pizza box. And I was like, that's actually useful information. If a fridge is 600 litres, and we talked about this when I showed you the pitch, what does that mean? Well, I fill it with 600 litres of water.

I don't get what that means in a real life scenario. Yeah. Tell me in terms of pizza boxes. Oh, that's great because I like to have 600 liters of milk ready to go in case I want a long fucking grandave flat white. So true. Thank you. So true. I was going to say long black and then I realized that doesn't have milk. It's the only coffee with no milk in it.

Like you could have said anything else? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't push through. You know what I've been drinking lately? Mm-hmm. A piccolo. Why?

I saw that the other day. What was that? Just a little change-up. I love it because I love that you get the coffee, like the strong. If you have a good coffee, you can taste the good coffee. Hey, you fucking got it in one. There it is. Because you get...

As I sip at my huge... Huge latte. No, because you get the coffee strength, but it's not heaps of liquid. Yeah. Not full of milk. Well, because I don't mind the taste of the milk. But at the moment, I'm just like, oh, no, I want the... But I can't drink like a short black.

Like, I don't... I need milk. I can't just drink that coffee. Remember I went for that phase through, for two days where I was doing long ice blacks? Yeah. I like that. I felt. Tough.

I can't do an ice long black, but I need the milk. So tough. This is really funny that you just called it a long iced black because that's just not what it's called. An iced long black. What's the fucking difference? Well, it's just the words are in the wrong order. But, you know, they call that like an Americano, like an iced Americano. It's like an ice on black, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. That's good to know. Sorry. Do you know, no, no, it's fine. No, sure. Your name's first. You do it, whatever you are.

Nah, no, no, no, just was with someone the other day that ordered a cappuccino as their coffee. And that really surprised me. I get a cappuccino. Nah, it's so weird. And you don't really at the moment. You haven't been doing, you've been doing an almond mokker, mostly lately. Oh, no, this morning I had an almond cap. Did you?

Yeah, came for free with the... A cabcino just feels right. Came for free with a McMuffin did it? Oh, I can't remember which one came free with what. Oh, but did you go a McMuffin? Well, did you just go a hash brown? Well, I was filling up the car with petrol and somehow. ended up in a Macca's drive-thru.

Oh, I love it when that happens. No, cappuccino. It feels like a baby's drink from the 90s. A baby's drink. No, it sounds like a, like,

a mum would get a muggerino. You know when you, like, out of cafe and you go, you want to have, Charles, thank you. You know how the other day I was like,

I would judge a cafe on its fonts? Yeah. If you ask me, if I want it in a cup or a mug, fucking, I don't want it anymore. Yeah, like,

let me, tell it walking, like I'm out of here. But you know when you go, did you want a cappuccino or a mugguccino? Like, it's cappuccino. It's not even cappuccine. Like, I don't know where they've gotten that from.

I want you to go down to Gloria Jeans in Bandura. Oh, no. Out the front of the Woolies there. Yeah. I've been there before with you. Thank you. And ask for a cappuccino and just see what comes out. Oh, it's like when people say espresso martini.

I say that. I'm going to drink 17 of them this Saturday night. Oh, yeah. Yeah, kind of karaoke. What? Yeah. Do you want to come? That's fun.

Yeah. Great. You're invited. Thanks. Why, we don't do empty office. I know. No, do you actually want to come? The look of regret on your face, though, when I said yes, was not nice.

No, actually, you should come. You should. I'm actually embarrassed. I haven't asked you sooner. Me too. To be honest, I didn't know where your foot was at. And now that I realize you're back on your feet, let's fucking do it. Two weeks ago.

haven't been wearing the moon boot for two weeks nah so true it was three months ago because it was like a after your graduation we should go out oh got you sort of thing so you were like oh

fucking the old two old's probably not ready to go yet so do you want to come though who's going like is you know I'll have to check their Facebook group it's in the Brunswick Fun Club you know about that group I'm not in the Brunswick Fun Club

Even though I think I want to move to Brunswick. You did say that after we went to Brunswick the other day. Tony has a piccolo and goes, do I live here? I went, I could buy my back and get a coffee every day. And I went, you could, yeah. I actually said you could do that now. Let's not split hairs. Hey, Tarpers have sent through their favorite reviews.

Split my pubic hairs. With your tongue. Nick ordered something. Don't actually know what it was. Hi, Nick. And this is the review that Nick has left on a real website. Delivery time said between 45. and 60 minutes but it was delivered within 25 minutes which was a bit of an inconvenience

as I was balls deep in my wife at the time that's written on Amazon too fast guys because you know when you order something they go be here in 45 minutes and yeah we wouldn't would be and you do yeah yeah because you go fuck you couldn't get one away now and you do um Courtney's sent this one through um she uh I think I think it's called Staples, which is like an office works or something. Yeah, yep. I love office works. And she went to buy like copy paper for the printer.

Oh, she goes, I've got to print out my fucking return label. Yeah. And so, and there's reviews. And the top review, the little heading. On the paper. Yeah. The top review goes, yep, it's paper. It's paper.

Works fine. Filling this out because I keep getting emails to review this purchased. It's so fucking annoying getting these emails. one goddamn more email about reviewing the paper and I'll retract this one-star review and buy my paper elsewhere. They fuck it. The emails are relentless about please review this item.

What did I do the other day? Oh. It could be anything. Karaoke. Okay, so classic. Get a cap-a-chita. This is how the Jimny saga started. I went on a website to look at a car.

Yeah. And then it goes, oh. And we're into car chat at moment. Yeah. um and i put it goes oh well we're going to have to put your phone number in so we can tell you the price and i was like right oh and you just go fuck you and then they called and they called and they called me and go hey mate do you want to come in and chat about this car i was like not really just wanted to find out how much it was and they go okay cool and then i get a text

going how is the service rated out of five how can i rate you asking me a question like think about what you're asking me back in the day um cat von d brought out like an eyeliner yeah i love this review is this the review of the car accident it's amazing a girl had been in a car accident but her eyeliner hadn't smudged an inch the photo of her in a head brace in the hospital looking like an absolute crime scene except her eye makeup was on point. On point. And this photo, I reckon everybody will, every millennial will know exactly.

It's like early internet days. She's got a neck brace. Her head is like stapled to the table. She's not allowed to move it. And she takes a selfie and her eyeliner is beyond beautiful. And she's like, would recommend anyone lasted in a car accident. I can't walk anymore. But my eyeliner looks great.

Now, first of all, phenomenal. phenomenal work on her taking that photo and reviewing. You know what? Girls' girl. Girl's girl. 1,000% thrown through. I'll tell you who's a girl's girl. He's just coming into her girl's girl era?

Who? Mabel. Oh, sorry, Charles is just showing us the photo. Her eyeliner is just like amazing. And the mascara smudged to fuck. The eyeliner hasn't moved to an inch. If you're going to be anything in this world. How is she today?

Is there an up? late? No. Now, question. Question. Is she, you know how it's like, is it a fit or are they just skinny? Yeah. Is she just hot? I think it's part of it, but I'll aren't like that.

That's hard. You know how like, you'd probably know someone that you're like, even if you got hit by a car, you'd still annoyingly look beautiful. Yeah. It's not me. Yeah. I wouldn't want to get it. Yes, Charles.

Is it Kate V Don? She's got 9.6 million followers on Instagram. Can you just say her name again, child? No, it's Cat Bond D. And she made the makeup. The photo's not of her. What did he call her? KV. Don.

Kat Von. KZ Don. A child has spoken. Fucking hell. Luke's got some hate here. Hi, Luke. Some hate. I hate it when online recipes, I go to the reviews.

And it's, do you know what this is? Oh, no, but I can think about 20 things that I hate about online recipes. I hate it when I go to see an online recipe and go to look at the reviews and the review says five stars look so great can't wait to try it. I haven't made it yet.

Luke goes, that's not fucking helpful. It's only helpful if you've eaten it and it was nice and it was easy to make. It's literally the same when people go oh, the shipping was great. Haven't opened it yet but like probably good. I go, I'm not asking for a review about the Australia Post.

I'm asking about the sizing of this item. Now I've got a hut that's too fucking small because you told me about the shipping instead of about the actual item. The other thing that I hate about reviews on online websites, this is where I thought Luke was going to go, is when it's like apple pie recipe home style, right? And then there's a fucking review and it's like, looks great. I don't have apples. What could I use instead? Google something else.

Don't cook a fucking apple crumble. Let me tell you what you shouldn't make if you don't have any apples. and apple fucking pie. Don't even Google it. Stay away from the corner of the internet concerning apples if you don't fucking have any or you don't plan on making any and you don't plan on buying them.

Having said that, Fijoa's are a great alternative. Feijowers are delicious but probably even less likely that you would have that versus an apple unless you had a tree in your account. If you can't source apples, Fijolas will be tough.

They're probably like fifth on the list. Yeah. But a Fijererer crumble. Oh, Fijer is fine. Like, just cool stuff. Bridget makes the best V-J or Crumble. Fijol's just awesome. She goes, I might do a Fijail crumble this weekend.

Then I go, and I propose to her again. Yeah, and you go, well, stop talking about it and fucking do it. No, this is the running joke. I get down on one knee and propose. And I go, I would marry you again today. I love you so much. And she goes, well, if you want to marry me again, I get another Georgie young dress. And I said, well, and I get back up off my knee.

And you go, oh, well, the first one was enough. Thank you. Now, Jess has an issue because Jess likes a firm mattress. Where are you on a firm mattress? I like a firm mattress, but a soft top, like the pillow top. I don't like a super soft mattress because, you know, like how you get like, you sink in. I think I'm personally too heavy for a really soft mattress because I just sink in. Sink to the bottom.

And my like spine comes out in a question mark. Yeah. And it's just like, not okay. So what do you like? Well, aside from being on top. I house sat once and they only had like rock hard fucking mattresses and I got in and went oh yeah but then I feel the spring and you go I think it was even it was just like sleeping on the ground oh you're like proper firm

and I think this is the issue is that don't wink at me when I say proper firm I think the issue is that a lot of people think a firm mattress is just like a bit firmer no when it's like no no it's like sleeping on the ground yeah And so lots of people have left reviews being like, oh, the firm mattress was too firm. And he's like, let me just read. You got what you paid for. I like a firm mattress and when making a new purchase, I was getting very overwhelmed because a lot of the reviews were very mixed.

A lot of people were saying they were too firm. I was chickening out, but then I found my hero. Someone wrote, if you like a firm mattress, do not listen to all these reviews about it sounding like sleeping on the floor. Those people clearly have never slept on an actual firm mattress and didn't really want one. I thought that was about to say, you've obviously never slept on the floor. I like a firm mattress and this is an amazing firm mattress. It's not like sleeping on the floor.

It's like sleeping on a firm mattress because that's what they are. Immediate trust. I'm so thankful for this man for just correcting everyone else. Can't throw the bullshit. And Jess got it and loved it. Where are we at? And I don't know that I can really say anything because I did do this. But where are we at with buying something like a mattress online without trying it?

As someone who's done that many times, as you know, because... Me too. I don't think I'm not like... I'm not to say precious. That's like a mean word. But like, I'll fucking sleep anyone. You've seen me sleep in some weird places. Yeah.

So I'm not... But I think that's why they do the big 90-day guarantee, send it back, because they know if there's no like out, then they're screwed. But there is something for going to the shop and just laying down in the store and being really awkward. Well, because I feel like, because like I said, we've done this twice now. Yep. We, the first, like the OG koala mattress when they only sold one type, we had that.

And then when we upgraded our bed, like when we moved house, we bought another koala mattress and they're awesome yeah but you can't try like they don't have them in store so you've got to do the 90 day thing but like do they have options now or so they do yeah there's like the classic one but then you can do like softer or firmer and things like you can add a pillow top and stuff like that and they're like we love our bed like i love our mattress saying i love your bed but you have slept in my bed a coupley times oh that's true oh sleep Speaking of which You like our mattress

Like Charles I do I really like your mattress Let's go to Andrew I want you Tony To speak up when you like smell a rat here Or a red flag

Or something's not The math ain't mathen Okay This is a review Written about a hotel By Andrew Oh And he booked his wife in

Because she was working there Like working out of town He goes Oh love you're working out of town I'll book it out of town I'll book it that hotel for you That's nice I'm considering

Legal Action One Star Oh Please be very wary when booking this hotel with the party night package. The party night package? My wife just returned and she has terrible burns on her elbows and knees due to an incident in the leisure suite caused by a raised tile in the pool area. The food has given her a sore butt. This is me smelling a rat.

The hotel. was in a mobile blackout zone and the Wi-Fi was down so I wasn't able to contact her at all. Worst of all, she managed to catch crabs from the Hotel Tows. An absolute disgrace.

So she's come back with it. What a terrible hotel. Maybe a terrible life. I think that I think we all know A mobile blackout zones are new one Oh sorry sweetheart I've just arrived and they've said yeah

The lead paint on the walls You can't, it's basically like a colds down here You can't use your phone at all Yeah the phone rings I just can't answer it And it's enough for me to tell you that it doesn't work Yeah Finally

I review on a car Which again we're looking at car reviews At the moment Yeah Bill from Atlanta Hi Bill We've been to Atlanta We have

The most comfy car I've ever owned Actually lost my virginity In the back of that one I have never had a more comfortable experience Where did you lose your virginity? It wasn't in the back of a car Where did you lose your virginity? I don't really know

I think it was What do you mean? You're so many at the same time It's like No I think it was at the house like at your mum's unit where I hit the tree in my car nice yep me too that's so weird

I lost my virginity at your mum's house in all of them well the car lost its virginity to the tree that day it did yeah the tree lost its virginity to getting hit by my yaris yeah the first day Tony ever went to my house she was like really nervous to meet my mum and she backed into a tree in the driveway yeah and she was oh I'm sorry and then just left and I was like That was weird. No, I didn't just leave. She was nervous.

No, that is not, that's not what happened. It may have been my only experience at that point, but it was still a great experience. 10 out of 10 would recommend to anyone looking for a bedroom on wheels. A bedroom on wheels. Thank you to Bill from Atlanta. You know what? Or if those playing along at home, it was a Honda Civic.

I was going to say, what kind of car is there? It was a honda, geez, they don't have a lot of, that's surprising, actually. They've got a lot of room in the back. Not really. I wonder if it was the sedan or the hatch. Well, with that review, it must have been the wagon. Must be in the sedan, yeah. I got a lot of seat here from Ebony Jordan.

Oh, hi, Ebony. Ebony Jordan has traveled to Hanoian Vietnam. Oh, I love Vietnam. She said, I've had a few really rough months, and I was kind of like, I need to go find myself, get out of town, go do it, live life, love. And she's like, even after a few days, I'm feeling more like myself than I have for a very long time. So, I'm feeling really good. Oh, that's amazing.

The food is amazing also. Now, there's this place called the Note Cafe, where everyone writes a little note and, like, leaves it there. Oh, I've seen this online before. Yeah. So she said, I've left this note for any other tarpers if they want to find it. It's on the top floor of the Note Cafe. Oh. She's got a Tony and Ryan Frank Green Water bottle.

I was going to say I recognized him. Oh, gosh. Tony's double eye pattern. Yeah, I'm fucking double fisting. I recognize her name. That's so beautiful. So if you're a tarpa and you want to go to the top floor of the Note Cafe in Hanoi, you'll be able to see a note.

That's amazing. It is amazing. You love to see it. Thank you for sharing. And I'm glad that you're feeling good. I've got to you love to see it here from Millie and Zoe who have started the fucking blog. Fuck yeah. We now own our own professional body piercing business and we absolutely love it.

Hell yeah. We are located about two hours of. from you guys in regional Victoria, it's called Sharpside piercing and they work out of the Abyss Tattoo

studio in Chiralgam. Teralgan, home of TIRFM. And they're really proud of themselves. They're kind of getting started, setting up their

socials and stuff. And they've said, wanted to put the offer out there because Tony Ryan is a huge reason we started doing what we're doing and that started

of the fucking blog that if you guys ever want to piercing, it would be such an honor to do it for you guys. Well, I'm in the market. Maybe a set of of nipple piercings

for Ryan are on the table. They are on the table and so will you be with that attitude. Now, you know how we've... Congrats you guys, that's awesome. You know when we go on Airbnb we always like for Lolls

stumble across that houseboat at Lake's entrance? If we went there, we would go through Teralgan on the drive out. Oh, really? So I could get... Can you drive straight after getting

your nips pierce? Yeah, I'll drive. Oh, sorry, swim. I've got... I've got to... Well, of course you can drive. Well, of course. Oh, you know with the tattoos, with the tattooism, the issue is you can't swim?

Yeah. Because I'd hate to get both nips done on the way out to the houseboat. Yeah. And then they go, well, you can't swim. And I go, what am I going to do? Sit here on the platoon. I've got an idea. Do it on the way home.

Well, that's why I'm asking. On the drive back. Yeah. So we'll drive down, do some stand-up paddle boarding. Yep. Enjoy that little spot. Love it. Eat some fucking ham and cheese croissants in the water.

Yep. What else would you do in Lake's entrance? Literally. And then on the way home, we'll go get your double nippy. do a quick photo with Millie and Zoe Yep Would Millie do one nip and Zoe do the other Same time

Straight through Would it just fucking hurt eh I don't know Do you know Huh? Do you know? Oh no no no I would love to have my nipples pierce

I'm not hot enough It's a hot girl thing Totally No No no I'm not doing like a thing We don't do that here We don't do that here We don't do that

It's for hot girls Let us know in the comments With great boobs And I don't really have that What do you have just boobs I think you know

one's a bit bigger than the other and that's okay but maybe we could do a juxtaposition so we'll give the smaller one a bigger like a bit of jewelry

you know what I mean just like a bit of perspective yeah level it out a little bit um yeah I reckon pierced nipples are so hot

I reckon that look really good on boys anger like I love it on everyone let's do it what if we did one each yeah then chain ourselves together oh doesn't that give

um machine gun Kelly and whatever her name was Megan Fox Fox yeah geez weren't

wasn't that a moment yeah but also when they broke up it's like the whole internet went how they broken up oh I didn't know that have they actually

I'm sure yeah in late 2024 yeah and then he started singing pop songs and stuff yeah he was

started singing pop songs I think he was always doing that oh he was but he's been doing everything he's everywhere yeah

but they would get that done I think they broke up in 24. I think Tony and Ryan are the 2025 version of Megan Fox and Machinea Kelly. No, as in like,

Oh my God. I thought because that'll happen to us in 2025. They were just like so in love and so full on and doing weird shit and I was like, I dig it. And remember how it went a bit viral that it was like her engagement ring had like reverse spikes on it

that you could put it on but if you took it off it would like tear up her thing. I don't know if that's true. true if that's like a Is that beautiful or the most toxic thing you've ever heard? No, it's the most toxic thing I've ever heard. That like it had barbs on it. That if you tried to take it off,

it would that rip her fucking skin off. Is that real, Charles? Are you Googling, no. No pressure, Charles. Well, what the fuck else is he doing? He does a lot here and you know that. Yeah, I do actually know that. Take that back.

I love you, Charles. Take that back. Thank you. Charles just moved house. I think we talked about it on the pod because I screamed out the, the street. The street. The wrong house.

Yeah. Anyway, love you. Hey, tomorrow. I love you literally so much makes me sick. Normal or not tomorrow and we've been flirting with car chat. I think we just need a fucking rip the band-aid and talk about cars. Because I got some shit to say. I love car chat.

Yeah, I got some shit to say. Okay. If you and your partner are considering getting a new car, you're probably having the same fights as I am. With me. Anyway, also chat to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye you.

The thorns are real. The thorns were real? Yeah. Oh, thanks, Charles. Thank God. Fucking, you thought you were going to wait until tomorrow's episode. Yeah, looking you through.

And tomorrow, find out what happened in 2024. Yes. Love you, bye.