Toni and Ryan - The Greatest Postie Ever

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Dr. Tony, author, Lodge is here. Tony. We are calling Charlie Louise, who is in Leicester in the UK. Oh, no, we've got beef with Charlie Louise, and I'll explain why in a moment. It's Charlie XCX. Maybe it is. That sounds a bit different to normal. Sound lower? Maybe it is.

That sounds a bit different to normal. Sound lower. Hello? Charlie! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Hello, Wade. Yes, Wade.

Now, Charlie, I actually just said to Tony that Tony's not going to like you because of your profession. So what do you do for a living? I'm a postie. A postie. A postie. Oh. Yes. Charlie, let me give you the benefit of the doubt, though. Do you actually knock on the fucking door?

Yeah. Yeah, see, you're all right in my book. Oh, you weren't home, so we left a note. And you know what? It's actually really fucking hard to find out if someone's home when you drive by and don't even try. That's the crazy thing about not knocking on a door. You wouldn't know if someone was fucking home or not.

Anyway, Charlie, will you approve? Of course. Thanks a lot, Charlie. You need to get that off my chest. This has been a great therapy session. I like that Charlie has approved our profession and you have just slandered hers and I was like, yep, call it even. No, no, no.

I said that if Charlie knocks on the door, I'm all good with Charlie and that's fine. Okay, great. Well, we'll see you tonight, Charlie. And now let's do the show. Hey, this is Charlie from Leicester in the UK and I approve this podcast. Happy Monday to ya Happy Monday to ya

Happy Monday Welcome to Monday. That's quite sweet. We'll leave that in? Yeah. Will it clash with the music? No, we'll just turn the music off. Okay.

Because I'm more important than the music. Obviously. It's not music and Tony. Thank you. It's Tony and Ryan. Yeah. And it's definitely not Tony and music. Am I right in thinking...

Oh, where are my headphones? Am I right in thinking that... That's why you couldn't hear the music. Didn't have your headphones on. That an apology is on the way? Do I smell Tony maybe grounding and humbling herself? Maybe I've just turned a new leaf. Okay.

Is that the same? I don't want to say apology. No. Because I've been burned so many times. The approval we just had is a bit of a clue as to what's on the way, but we'll get to that shortly. We'll get to that shortly. First, who's the fuckhead?

Not to be confused with normal or not. Yeah. You can submit your who's the fuckhead to the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. Basically, it's along the lines of, I think this, my partner thinks that. Who's the fuckhead? And we will give you a clear answer. We don't fence it. We will give you a clear answer, and then you can go back to your partner

and say, see, you're the fuckhead. Or, you know what, I'm really sorry. Turns out I'm the fuckhead. I reckon if you find out you're the fuckhead, you just don't say anything. Yeah. Tapa Monica says, my boyfriend is a fuckhead because he thinks you don't ever need to wash your jeans. He thinks I'm the fuckhead because I wash my jeans every single week. Who is right and who is the fuckhead?

This is a tough one. Do you remember when that thing came out and it said, you're never supposed to wash your jeans, you're supposed to put them in the freezer? I do remember that. It was like a big moment in time where like you'd open the freezer and there'd be jeans in there. But I don't know what that would do.

Apparently it takes the smell away. Does it hide it or take it away? Or just freezes the smell and then when you get warm again it like. So like everything has to be somewhere. So like say the jeans don't smell anymore, but then do all your, like, half loaves of bread smell like dirty jeans? Where are all the lasagnas that people brought over when we had the baby? Do they now smell like dirty jeans?

Yeah, like, do you just have, like, a handful of frozen chips that, like, were a bit too much to cook all of them so you've left a couple in the bag? Do they smell like dirty jeans? When I put ice in a scotch. Is it scotch and jeans? On the rocks or neat? No, I'll have a jeans.

Scotch and jeans. Do you know what I mean? Like that butt smell? Yeah. Is that just going into all your food? Yeah. But also what does it prevent? Because whenever I wash my my jeans it's great because

they're tight again like whenever because after you wear them a couple of times they get loose so when i wash jeans they get all tight again they fit really well have you ever and my butt looks really good have you ever farted in a freezer um no yeah because you can't because no smells smells happen there. So I'm going to go with washing your jeans, yes. Who was the one that said that? Monica. Monica said she washes her jeans every week. Yeah, the boyfriend's the fuckhead.

Some American bloke called Kurt. Cool name. Thinks Australians are fuckheads because we write the date day, month, year. But we down here, we know that anyone who writes month, day, year, you're the fuckhead. It doesn't make sense. Like it doesn't actually make logistical sense for it to be month, day, year because it goes like day month year is

smallest to largest yeah it's in order yeah like it makes the most sense like if someone was like oh when's that happening i don't need to know what month it like if it's happening soon i need like but if someone was like oh that's happening in august i, okay, but I don't need, you know. I just, I don't understand how it doesn't make sense for it to be date month year. And it's really confusing when artists like announce tour dates and you go, oh, well, they're American. So is it backwards or forwards? Yep, I'm doing Vegas 8 slash 10.

Yeah, oh. When the fuck's that? Am I seeing you in August or October? That was quick. That was good. That was good. That was really good. That's impressive.

How did I do that? I don't know, but one thing I do know is that makes you smarter than whoever created numbers, which I assume was Sir Charles Number. Appreciate that. I'm so impressed with that. That was better than the click almost. Nah, nothing's better than that. Let's not say things we can't talk about.

Yeah, sorry. This one, one of the fuckheads could be me. Oh, okay. Tony, how would you describe Brunswick? Cool. Really cool. I went to Ona Coffee in Brunswick. Oh, yeah.

Which does really luxe. Like the bean has scents of raspberry and blah, blah, blah. Oh, I see. Which when you don't expect it is fucking panic stations. I'd always do that with wine. Like if you're at a restaurant and you go, oh, can I just grab a glass of red wine? And they go, what would you like? I go, the cheapest.

House red. Yeah, but like. I'm trying to teach Tony, say the word house red. It means cheapest red without having to say it. Yeah, but sometimes I just say like whatever's open because I'm like, I don't know what I'm asking, but I don't know what I'm asking for. So like they could say like this is a blah wine and it means nothing to me. So say if you go to, what's it, Baby Pizza.

Yeah. And you're getting a pizza or a pasta or something. I wouldn't go, but yes. We've talked about this before. You go, oh, we're at a pizza. Hey, what goes great with pasta? Put it back on them. And then, because again, you don't give a fuck either way.

And they go, I recommend the Pina Minamina. And you go, yep. No, but then what if the Pina Minamina is fucking $98 a glass? Well, if you're a baby, you're not paying under $78, so it doesn't matter anyway. Well, that's why I can't go there. I can't afford it. But no, okay, so they said, what bean would you like?

And you go, bro, fucking. Well, if you're not prepared. What would you think would be good? What goes well with me walking back to the house? Yeah. So across the street from Ona is this like old school, no-nonsense bakery that just looks like the front of a factory. Like old school.

When were you in Brunswick? Mabel was hanging out with some friends. Marcus and Beth, yep. No, no, different day. Oh, sorry. I have friends that aren't you and Cam that I sometimes visit. I literally just named some of your friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't them though. You were out of town, so I had to like, you know, go to my B grade friends. I don't give a fuck. No, they go, Ryan, what are you doing here? I said, oh, Tony's out of town. Tony's out of town, so I had to call in a ring in. I had to call in you losers.

So there's this no-nonsense bakery. Fuck, that sounds good. Yeah, and so they're- Sorry, what kind of bakery are we talking? Like bread bakery or like pies, sausage rolls, pastry? So they're doing like an old-school sausage roll. But you know when it's like thick as fuck? I don't want to say thick again, but it was thick.

And you know when they have like the little poppy seeds on the top of the thing and it's real crusty? And then instead of doing a tomato sauce, it was like a homemade, like a radish or a chutney. So doing those, they also doing like a ham and cheese croissant. Hot. Classic. What else are they doing?

Like an egg and bacon roll. Nice. And then they also do like some big classic loaves. So I was there with Liam and he was like, oh, well, we'll get some brekkie. And while I'm down here, I'll get a couple of sourdoughs for later. Oh, fuck yeah. Yep. But I can't express enough that it's like,

and because Brunswick's like a cool area, like it wasn't a fancy exterior or interior. It's like they haven't touched it for 30 years. It's business. Yeah, it's business. It's business. So we're at the bakery getting a croissant and whatever. I did get the sausage roll.

It was awesome. I would have too. And then Liam goes, oh, so that's the place that does the like crazy elite coffee. Oh. Was it the place that we went to that time? No, no, no. But similar vibes. Yeah.

Like you'd sit at the counter and the barista would like talk you through it. It's like a coffee sommelier. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And so I guess I was more like intrigued because he goes, oh, apparently they've got like a coffee bean. It's not a flavoured coffee. You know how they like pump a shot of vanilla in it or whatever?

Yeah. Yeah. No, this is like, oh, the bean actually tastes like a hot jam donut. And I went, well, fucking no, it doesn't. But then I went, well, why don't I just go get a latte and we can all have a sip. And just see. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're sitting at the bakery across the street. Yeah. Who also sell coffee. And do a roaring coffee trade. Yeah. And a legit coffee. Yeah. And I go across the street to owner, get the fancy one to go.

Yeah. And then I walk back and sit in the bakery with the coffee from across the street. Oh. I mean, it probably destroyed the people at Owner to put that coffee in a takeaway coffee cup. Yeah. Don't you reckon? And when you said, yeah, can I get soy milk, they probably went.

Yeah. Also, just on that note, if you ever go to a really fancy, like, Scotch place, don't ask them to put coconut. Coconut, no. They don't like that. They don't like that. You're the fucker.

Well, at the fancy coffee place we went to, I was like, can I have milk? And they said, we don't do milk. And I actually liked that they refused. Like they don't do milk. We actually don't do that. And then I had the worst reflux because I'd had all the coffee. Like anyway.

You spend $200 on a coffee and you get no milk. So you're sitting at the bakery with the competitor's coffee cup. And so then the lady, we have the sausage rolls and egg and bacon roll. And oh, side note, a guy sneezed and an entire egg and bacon roll came out of his nostrils. That is hilarious and I wish that I could say that in real life. Yeah, and then because he was sitting literally right next to us, we couldn't, like, discuss it. Not acknowledge it, yeah.

So Liam and I just stared at each other as if our eyes were like, did you fucking see that? And I was like, yeah, I fucking saw that. I'm glad he wasn't fake. And we just had to sit there. And the guy had to sit there with the egg and bacon roll that had come out of his nostrils just sat there on the ground

next to us all. Can I get another one of those, sweetheart? So the lady comes out to fucking clean up his mess. Fuck. And then goes... How embarrassing.

And then comes over to our table and goes, oh, can I take the... Because the sausage roll comes like in a brown paper bag and whatever. Can I take the bag? Oh, you finished with that coffee?

And then... So Liam's finished his coffee from the bakery and she goes, oh, you finished that? I'll get that. And he goes, oh. Oh. And she didn't get annoyed, but she just went, okay.

And did she take your rubbish? Well, no, because I hadn't finished. Oh, I thought you were going to say that she went, oh, I'll leave you that one. Well, lucky there was something in it because I was like, oh, I'm still going with this. And she was like, okay. She went, I don't care. Go fuck yourself.

Do whatever you want. The look she gave me, guess what it said? You stupid. I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a clue. Yeah. What's the name of the segment? Yep, so I didn't need to say what I said

Because we got, yeah, who's the fuckhead Yeah, I think you're a fuckhead You could have at least gotten a keep cup And then it would have been like Who knows where it came from It was bad enough getting a takeaway cup Because the fancy coffee place had the like Fancy dish in the glasses I can't believe they even had any takeaway cups It was bad enough getting a takeaway cup because the fancy coffee place had the fancy dish

in the glass. I can't believe they even had any takeaway cups. I'm like, oh, can you just put this into this keep cup? I haven't cleaned it. Yeah. Oh, do you mind? Oh, they hate that. They hate that.

When you go in there and you go, oh, it's dirt. Do you mind? They go. Then they do it, but they're not happy about it. I'm a caffeine artist. I'm not a. Yeah. Bro.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wear the fuckhead, apparently. Yeah. Cafe etiquette. I think we can all agree the fuckhead is the guy that sneezed a full egg and bacon roll out of his nose. Yeah, what a waste. It probably cost him like $17.50.

Oh, mate, in this economy in Brunswick, $37.40. Oh, sorry. I forgot the GST. Because he lives, bro. Hey, this is Charlie from Leicester in the UK, and you're listening to Tony Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon. Alana Jack.

Thank you so much, Alana. Madeline McGahn. McGahn. Sorry. Sorry. McGahn. Call the Portuguese police. We've solved a 20-year mystery.

Jasmine Fletcher. Yeah, God, she's really living under the radar. Jasmine Fletcher, Ziva Storm and Katie Fuller. Fuller. I hardly know her. The reason she was finally found was through a subscription to a Hot Fun Garbage podcast based in Melbourne, Australia. Yep, you can now listen anywhere.

Sorry, I've got a little fucking hair in my glasses and it's like really stressing me out. Should we cancel the episode? No, it's okay. I've solved a mystery. Two in one. Nancy Drew. All right, Tony Lodge.

Okay. You really gamed me up today. I really appreciate that. So on the back of our approver, who we've just heard from, she extended an apology and said that she didn't want to share her job because she was a postie. Yeah. And I said, oh, well, as long as you knock on the door.

Well, Tony Lodge is on record and has been many times in the two years this podcast has been out. Would I say you're anti-postman? Okay. So I've actually written a sentence here that I think will sum up my past two years' worth of frustration. Okay. Hello.

In the past, I have had strong and stern words and concerns with a certain postal service and my disappointment that I've shared in the past. Is it one postal service? I feel like it's postal services. Well, I've only had the main troubles with the one because you remember when then I had the problems with them in person as well.

I know. It seems like you're dancing around saying the name Australia Post. Okay. Well, the thing is, okay, so. Tony didn't say it. Yeah, thank you. It starts with an A. Ryan said something else.

It starts with an A and rhymes with Australia Post. Australia Jost. with Australia Post. Australia Jost. Anyway, so I have been very upfront with how I feel about Australia Post. I feel like I've just had so many dramas where they don't knock on the door, they take the stuff to the post office. I tried to send stuff.

They gave me the wrong advice. I just think I had a few bad experiences in a row. Do you remember when we were in Brisbane and we ran into Australia? Joest. Yeah, Australia. Worker. Jeff Prost. And you were giving him grief and he was a podcast listener. Yeah.

Well, no, I didn't give him grief. He was like, oh, I love the podcast and then covered up like the label on his shirt and was like, oh, sorry. It was really funny. It was funny until you delivered him up. He was delivering diamonds as well, remember? Yeah, we were at the front of that diamond store. And we were like, oh, my God, and he had this big pack.

Anyway. He had this big package and he was also delivering some diamonds. Yeah, and he was delivering the diamonds. Yeah, something hard on the most scale. Nothing's cracking that bad, boy. Anyway, so I've talked about this openly, and people always send me like memes about the post office and like all this shit and there's been so many times when i've

been sitting in my house and then i get the notification on my phone that's like oh sorry we missed you your parcel's at the post office i'm like i've been home all day go fuck yourself right i don't care that they take it to the post office if you're not home, but they don't even knock on the, like, they don't even ring the doorbell. They're taking the piss. They don't even leave the fucking post office. No. They just send the guy out with the piece of paper saying we tried.

Yeah. It's just fuck. I don't even get the piece of paper anymore. I literally just get the notification in the app that says, go pick it up from the post office, you dumb bitch. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. Anyway, so I've shared this.

I've been very honest. People know how I feel about it. My best friend, Aiden, who lives in Perth, I actually caught up with her last week, but she gave me a call a couple of weeks ago and she's quitting her job. Oh, wow. So she's been working in the same career. So working in like theater and live entertainment and stuff. She's been working in that since, well, we met at uni,

so like almost 10 years. Far out. And she's quitting her job. Yep. And she's becoming a postie. She's not. Ooh. Does she listen to the podcast?

Yeah. And she goes, oh, they're just like doing this big, they've got like a great package. Yep. That was accidental. But like the pay is really good. The hours are really good. They like train you up.

You get a uniform. I mean, it's a big company. It's got good HR and super and maternity leave, all that shit. Totally. She like gives me this news and instantly everything I've ever said is like flashing before my eyes like a fucking horror movie like it's like asshole australia it's all happening and you know that um you know that tiktok sounds like don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it should we get it

back well in my head i was like don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it would you plan on knocking on the fucking door like i couldn't keep it in and she goes compulsion it was and she goes i fucking i knew that that was coming it was the elephant in the room and i was like nah mate like i'm really really proud of you really excited for you getting this job um and i was like and i and she goes yeah and i'll be knocking on the door you know like i'm you know what i'm like. And I was like, no, I trust that you would do that. And so I've decided that I need to turn a new leaf in my attitude towards Australia Post. Pam, can you just timestamp this for thanks?

Well, I think that me choosing that has given me good karma. Oh. Because last week my boyfriend Torbs' birthday has just been and I ordered his present and it was like quite a big bulky box and it was supposed to be getting delivered on the Monday so I knew that either one of us would be at home to like accept the parcel. But am I right in thinking that he can't accept it because it's like a present or you'd rather not? Well, it was like so he wouldn't know what it was. He actually picked it out.

So like he knew what it was. But like it was wrapped up from the place so it wasn't like it didn't say what it was on the thing. And I was like, cool, one of us will be at home because he works from home on Mondays. The parcel ended up getting delayed at the airport, so it was like it's now coming on Tuesday. And I was like.

Wouldn't you hear and read about it? And I was like, well, that's a bit annoying because both Torbs and I work from the office on Tuesdays. So, yeah, okay. So all of a sudden I'm like, fuck, I paid for Express so that it would come on the Monday and I was like, that's really annoying but, like, whatever, shit happens. I've got this new attitude about the post office. I didn't let myself get angry.

And the guy delivering it calls me. I get a call from, like, a random number and we were together, like, recording in the office. So I didn't answer and he called again and I said to you, do you remember? And I was like, fuck, this guy's called me twice. That's important, yeah. And then he texts me and he goes, hi, sorry for calling twice.

I'm just trying to deliver this package. Like I'm at your house. And I was like, fuck. And I only live like around the corner from the office. And so I was just like, fuck, like that's so annoying. Like, of course it's coming when I'm not. It couldn't have come this afternoon when maybe I would have been home already. Yeah, there's his law.

And I text him back and I was like, hey, bro, so sorry. I'm in a meeting. Like, I'm not home. Like, just take it back to the office. Take it back to the post office and I'll just grab it. And then I realized that it was like Star Trek that like arm of australia post so it wouldn't have gone to the post office it would have gone back to the airport oh no no yeah and so i was like so it's gonna go back out there and then have to come all the way back anyway so i'm

like doing the math in my head of like fuck that means it's gonna come you're doing that for a couple of days with the numbers with all that With all the stuff like flying around my head. And I'm like, fuck, that's so annoying. Like, I'm just 10 minutes down the road. Like, wouldn't it be great if he could just fucking come down and drop it off? Yeah. And you said, just ask. I was like, we're just around the corner.

Just tell him to bring it down. Just see if he can fucking drop it off. Anyway, so I text back and said, I'm so sorry. I'm in a meeting. But like, I actually just work around the corner. Here's the address. Like, is there any chance you could drop it off here? And I never heard anything back from him.

And I was just like, it was pretty cheeky. Fair enough. Like, the package is. Hey, don't ask, don't get. Exactly. And I was like, no big deal. It's going to get to me somehow, even if it goes all the way back to the airport and back out. Like, whatever.

I didn't hear anything back. All good. out, like whatever. I didn't hear anything back. All good. And then I also was like, that guy has done everything to try and get that parcel to me. Like he called me. He texted.

He called twice. He called twice. He's obviously rung the bell at my house and I haven't answered and then he's been like, I'll give this girl a ring. Am I right in thinking that all we expect is you to have some effort? Yeah, exactly. And he's given that. Literally. So I was fucking like, at least you tried to get it to me Yeah, exactly. And he's given that. Literally.

So I was fucking like, at least you tried to get it to me. I wasn't home, which is fine. Like, I don't have to be home all day. And anyway, so I didn't give a fuck. I was like, it's going to fucking end up how it ends up. Anyway, like four or five hours later, like late in the afternoon, I get a call from producer Cam and he goes, hey, like this guy's just dropped this off for you.

Like, do you need me to bring it to your house? This guy, right, went out of his way and then five hours later, obviously at the end of his run, came all the way back to the office and dropped the parcel off at the office. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever, it was good karma, good karma for the thing. Good karma or just one good thing that they should have done out of 100? Well, I mean, I don't, this was like over and above.

One out of 100 ain't bad. This is like over and above, right? I don't need everybody to text me and fucking take it to a different address because that's like, was very lovely. But so I messaged this person and I said, hello, I am so, so grateful that you would drop off the package to my other address. You are such an angel.

Thank you. I really needed this package for Torbz's birthday. That's nice of you to send a message. Because I had this guy's number because we'd been texting. Tony's just showing me. What else are you texting there? Sharing recommending TV shows. And then like a few hours later.

Sending a minimum gift to each other. A few hours later, he texts me back. It was like 7pm, so it obviously like knocked off the day and said, you're so welcome, grateful for your appreciation. Smiley face. And it just made both of us feel really good. And you know what? Saying good job to someone costs nothing.

And that was the other thing, that I've spent all this time fucking pissing and moaning. Then imagine if I didn't turn around and go, bro, you went out of your way to help me out today. Like, I fucking appreciate it. Like, I didn't have to do that. And this is not me big-upping myself. I'm just saying, like, when people go out of their way for you,

the least I could do is text that guy and be like, I know you've actually probably done something you're not supposed to. Yep. Like he'd even rewritten the address, the work address that I gave him, on the tag so that it would end up at the right place. Like good guy. Good guy. But you're the hero of this story, Tony.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not doing that. No, I think so. But you know how I was saying about the judgy fancy cafe? Yes. Like how easy is it? You're at a regular cafe and you have a – and you just go, fuck, that's a good coffee.

And on your way out you just go, hey, thanks, man. That was great. That was a great coffee. Cost you nothing. And that guy will go, yeah. Thanks. Thanks, man. Yeah.

Or he goes like – he goes, fuck, I went out of my way for all these people today and they didn't give a fuck. And, yeah, you're just doing your job. But, like, it's nice to hear that. It is nice. And so as soon as Producer Cam called me, I text him straight away and was like, bro, like, that is so helpful. Because I was like, fuck, I'm going to have to go back to the airport

or I'm going to have to go to the fucking depot and pick it up or something like. I feel like you're giving a lot of praise to this guy but not enough to Cam. Well, I said, Producer Cam, thanks so much. He said, do you want me to drop it off your house? And I feel like you're giving a lot of praise to this guy but not enough to Cam. Well, I said, Producer Cam, thanks so much. He said, do you want me to drop it off your house? And I was like, that would be great. He goes, well, I'm on my bike so I can't.

So, I mean. That's the post-the-attitude. Imagine if I texted the guy and I was like, I'm actually at home now. Could you go get it from the office and bring it to my house? I've got to love to see it here. And maybe your friend should have considered this before joining the postal service even though it's a great job

and we love and respect them yeah this tech bro sends a tweet out would you quit your job if you were given $50 for every mile you ran so you have to quit your job and you earn $50 per mile let me just give you some numbers one bloke to quit your job and you earn 50 bucks per mile. Let me just give you some numbers.

One bloke replies to the tweet and goes, a hundred miles a week is $240,000 a year. So whilst a hundred miles is a lot, if that's all you had to do and you know, you stretch and prepare and that's all you had to do and you go. So it's not as if you have to do that on top of working your job. That's your job. You have to do and you go out. So it's not as if you have to do that on top of working your job. That's your job. You have to quit and then do that. One bloke said, oh, if I did one hour a day of running at a slow manageable pace, one hour a day,

that's $90,000 per year. And he goes, I think I can manage one slow hour a day and I can easily happily live off $90,000 a year. And you'd get fitter. It would get easier. Get easier, yep, yep. But my love to see it is Daniel Morris who tweets, happily live off $90,000 a year. And you'd get fitter. It would get easier. Yeah, yep, yep. But my love to see it is Daniel Morris who tweets,

no, I can't live off $10 a month. Yep, that's fair enough. Sorry, I had my fucking Google open ready to be like, what's a mile into a kilometre? How far have I got to run because I'm quitting my job. I was fucking written up my bloody, my letter already. I just want to point out, and this is, I'll have to explain something that happened in the office yesterday,

but I just do want to point out that this was a hypothetical tweet, just to, like, get your brain thinking. So before you go burning bridges and burn the house down. Yeah, okay. Because Tony sometimes forgets the important first sentence. Please don't tell anyone about that. Oh, Dun Island. That was. Yeah, I copped that.

I will cop this. Fuck. I'm actually crying and I'm about to shit myself. So funny. So I said to Tony, I watched the craziest episode of Law and Order SUV. Yeah. And I went, okay. Yeah.

And I go, yeah. So this guy who's like an MMA fighter or something hooks up with this model and like it's this really crazy story. And basically there was a third person who was like texting, pretending to be a bit of a catfish situation. Yes. And the guy ended up getting a text from the girl saying, I have an obsession with this thing in the bedroom.

I'd love you to do it to me. I'm not going to mention it. Yeah. But of course she didn't send the text. And so it was a whole brouhaha. Yeah. The story gets wild. Tony's fucking losing.

Oh, my fucking God. This is crazy. How haven't I heard about this story? I'm enthralled now. And you're retelling it to me. Yeah. And I go, yeah, it was an episode of this. And you go, oh.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sorry. It's all fictional. I go, yeah, it was an episode of this. And you go, oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, it's all fictional. Because I just got so caught up in the story and so excited that I was, not excited, but I was, like, so into it. And I was like, oh, my God, this is awful. Like, that poor girl, that poor guy. Tony was devastated.

I was. Like, I just, I really took it on. Like, I took on the emotion of the story and, like, how awful. Anyway, it didn't really happen. It was a fictional show. Laura, not SVU. Yeah. Anyway.

What do you love to see? On the theme of running miles for your job, I have you love to see it about mashies. So I've talked about mashies on the show because at KFC, it's just like a ball of mashed potato. They bread it, they deep fry it. It's delicious. And Mark shared to our Facebook group, you'll love to see it. We made mashies. After

all the talk of mashies on the pod, we just have to, we just had to create a homemade version of the OG mashies to feature on our Kentucky fried chicken fake away. Fakeaway? So, like, have you seen this online where, like, parents make a homemade burger but they, like,

wrap it in a Macca's wrapper? And so it's, like, a little bit healthier or, like, a little bit cheaper if you're kind of, like, stretching the budget a bit, which Cozzy lives at the moment. I should start doing that with tools. Like, yeah, I've got KFC. It's just, like, a red box I've drawn. I tell you what else I also like is when they actually buy the KFC,

but they give it to like a Michelin chef who like cuts it all up and presents it. Oh, I have seen those, yeah. Or he's like, I'm going to use this KFC like wing and turn it into a like crazy fancy dish and it's just using the same ingredients. Yeah, like they use all the bones and make a stock and shit like that. Yeah, I love that shit. But Mark

posted a photo of what he made and it looks a bit like the Michelin star restaurant. That looks awesome. It's like so aesthetic. It's on a big tray. Could you go some wings to Sava? Oh, yeah. I actually could. You know before we were talking about the sausage roll? Yeah.

Anyway, good on you, Mark. You fucking love to see that. And thanks for getting amongst the mashies. Yeah, get around it. And Mark's in the UK. Hi from the UK, Mark says. Hi, Mark. Love to see that.

Thank you so much for listening today. We're back tomorrow with Top Confessions. Oh. Everyone stop. Tomorrow, it's not the end of the Tony and Ryan podcast, but tomorrow is the Tunnel Brothers finale. Oh. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Not because. So are you promising there's no more Tunnel Brothers on the show? Because I don't think we can make that promise. Well, it's not because we don't want to talk about Tunnel Brothers and celebrate Tunnel Brothers and Brothers Tunneling. Yeah. I just don't think we can beat this.

So I think once we've told this story, every other Tunnel Brothers story will be like, oh, no, it just feels shit. Not as good as the other ones. Because. Oh, fuck. Should I give away one? No, don't give anything away. No, no, no.

I want to be surprised tomorrow. Wait, so was this a friend of yours? This is a tarpa. Can I just say one word? Hang on, I'll whisper it to you. No, because that's... No, because... Yeah, no.

Fuck. Fuck. Strap yourselves in and that's not a clue. All right, here we go. Here we go. Tomorrow, Tunnel Brothers finale. Okay. Love you, bye. Like and Okay. Love you, bye.

Like and subscribe. Love you, bye.