Toni and Ryan - The Honest Hairdresser

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Has this viral TikTok hairdresser cracked the code to perfect hair?! Love ya! Toni xox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm here with author Tony Lodge. Welcome to the podcast. And we are calling Canada and we're calling Matt. Matt. Hello? Hello, is that Matt? Hello, it is. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing?

Good. I thought our call was for Monday. Oh. Oh, how have we gotten it that wrong? Have I stuffed this up that badly? We emailed yesterday about it. I had messaged and we confirmed. I did too.

Oh, my God. Matt, you know what? Sorry about that. And Matt literally said, please don't call up for a meeting with my director. Oh, my God. Matt, you know what? Sorry about that. And Matt literally said, please don't call up for a meeting with my director. No, it's totally okay. Oh, my God. You've got a meeting with the director. Has the director been distracted?

Oh, no. The meeting didn't happen, so we're good. I'm so sorry. Don't worry. Matt and I literally sent four emails back and forth yesterday organizing a time that is not now. Does that sound like something I do, Tony? To be honest.

It does. To be honest. It does. To be honest, I was kind of wondering. I was like, maybe I should leave it free just in case I do get a call. And lo and behold, 10 minutes before 3. Well, Matt, I do have a question. While we've got you here, instead of calling you next week. Matt, see you next week, mate. No, which we probably can't orchestrate, to be honest,

because it seems like Ryan doesn't know how to use a calendar. See you next week. No, see you next week, mate. No, which we probably can't orchestrate, to be honest, because it seems like Ryan doesn't know how to use a calendar. See you next week. Would you be happy to approve now? Would that be okay? I would love to approve this podcast. Thank you so much for all the work that you two do. Oh, fuck, that worked out well, didn't it? Save us two long distance phone calls.

Oh, yeah. Hey, this is Matthew from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Remember a while ago, like a long time ago, actually, we had a few, like like coming out stories gone wrong or coming out gone wrong stories. Yeah, I do actually. Well, Flance, who listens to the, not a real name.

Yeah, not a real name. He was like out to most people. Yep. But he didn't think he would have to come out to the police, the fire brigade and the university campus board after potentially committing a felony. Well, I mean, not all on the same day. Not all on the same day.

You expect that you can talk to the police one day, get that sorted out and talk to the... So if you think you've had a rough day or a rough week and you're like, oh, jeez, what are the chances, you know, everything bad happened to me? When you hear what happened to Flance... Flance, sorry. Yeah, that's a great fact name.

You'll go, actually, maybe my day wasn't that shit. You know what I mean? We'll get to that soon. First of all, though, and we will get an update from you later in the week about your hairdresser experience, and I know that you are. Yep. Yes, yep. Between hairdressers at the moment.

Oh. But normally when you go to a hairdresser, do you take a picture or show them something and go, I'll have this? Yeah, I do. I actually, I'm such a fucking, I have an album in my phone called Haircut. And every time I see a haircut that I like or a colour that I like,

take a little screenshot, pop it in my haircut album. And then when the three months is up, when it's time to go and get my hair done again, then I look through and I go, yep, still like that, nope, don't like that anymore, or I think I want to go a bit darker or whatever. The only thing is is that I feel like the world is split 50-50 about whether hairdressers fucking hate that or whether they like it. Because I've said to hairdressers before,

do you hate it when people bring in photos? They're like, this is one person in particular, the photos are handy. The problem is that people always bring in photos of celebrities. Who are fucking hot. Who are hot as fuck. And, you know, it's been styled to perfection. And, you know, the average Joe Blow can't style their hair to perfection themselves each day.

Every time. Yep. And also, you probably don't have fucking chiseled cheekbones like fucking. I'm like this with clothes. Lara Worthington. I buy the clothes and I go, why don't I look fucking hot as fuck like the model? I go, oh, because the model's hot as fuck? Yeah.

So you look at the clothes and they fall beautifully and they go, oh, that looks like such good quality. When someone who's hot could wear something shit from Kmart and make it look good. Whereas it just looks shit from Kmart on me. So let me tell you about hairdresser Wendy. Hi, Wendy. She's going viral at the moment and she's known by her customers as the honest hairdresser. So I don't know if you'll appreciate this.

You can go either way. If you go, nah, I respect that. Yep. Or if you think this is the most terrifying thing you've ever heard. Okay. So if you take a picture in to hairdresser Wendy. Yep. Or if you think this is the most terrifying thing you've ever heard. Okay. So if you take a picture in to hairdresser Wendy and go, I'll get this, thanks. If she doesn't think it suits you, she'll just be like, nah,

and then she'll just start cutting how she thinks it looks best. Appreciate the nah 100% because I feel like often people that you say, oh, I think I'll get this, they go, okay, that's what you've asked for and they don't care enough to go, oh, what if we went in a different direction? So I appreciate her being like, no, sweetheart, that is not the look you should go for, but not the start, cut and straight away.

Once it's cut, you can't uncut. You know what I'm saying? But do you trust Wendy? Because she knows what's stylish. I just would like to know the direction she's heading in because you can look good in something but it not be what you're after. It's not as if I'm saying, nope, she doesn't know. It might look good but it not be the vibe that I want

or the right style for me. No, Wendy knows the right style for you. Does she? Does Wendy know me intimately? She does. Does Wendy know my hair styling abilities day to day or my habits? So another thing, right, that's hard at the moment for me because I've got very long, thick hair is that I'm surfing,

I'm supping, I'm swimming like most days. You've said those things with plurals. You heard? You heard what I said? But you know what I mean? You've supped. I'm getting wet a lot. Oh, no.

Wendy. My hair is so wet. My pubic hair. Sorry, obviously that was an innuendo of pubic hair. Anyway, so like does Wendy know that I'm swimming all the time and that's something that needs a lot of upkeep, like probably isn't the best because it's always getting like chlorine in it or whatever?

Let me read this article. Okay, sorry. Her customers love her brutal honesty. Not all styles suit all people. True. Even if they come in and ask for an expensive treatment, she says, if I think a cheaper one suits them better, I'll do that one instead. I don't want to make the most money.

I just want to make them look good. I really appreciate that. I feel like everybody that is listening can relate to a situation where they didn't need the expensive shampoo that the hairdresser made them buy or they didn't need the fucking $70 orthotics that the shoe shop made them get with their fucking new pair of shoes. Have you ever bought a couch and they're like, oh, do you want the spray?

The Scotchgard. Yeah, I've got six cans of fucking Scotchgard. Every time I buy something, I'm such a sucker. Instead of using the Scotchgard you got at home, what if we just sprayed it for you and charged you $145? Right. I see what you mean. Sounds like a great idea.

No, see, I always buy the upholstery cleaner that they say you need. Yeah. You know what? You know how I'm such a sucker. I am like commercialist wet dream because I'm so fucking gullible. We've said before that you are a marketer's dream. I am. What is it?

I am. Chapter 412. So I very, very proudly and very, very openly bought myself a brand new car last year, very late last year. Brand new car, brand new Audi. It was my absolute dream. I was very, very proud of myself for buying it. As I'm leaving, they go, oh, you know, you've got the ding and the dong and the wing-wong and the cling-clong, whatever. You got all the extras, all the bells and whistles.

I, like, poured my heart and soul into the car that I wanted. And then as I'm about to drive out, they go, oh, well, you'll need to buy the shampoo for the car. And I was like, well, I've just fucking paid quite a lot of money for this car. Surely you could throw a couple of bottles of shampoo in here. Surely the shampoo, you know, comes fucking standard or you build it into the price or something.

And they go, oh, well, no, but this bottle lasts a long time. And I was like, not only do I not care about how long it's going to last me, I live in an apartment building. Where am I going to wash my fucking car? Next to that hot guy that you're trying to sleep with downstairs. But like, I don't have any, I don't have a hose to wash my, like, I don't, like, I don't have any space. You're not hose to wash my Of course. Like, I don't have any space You're not out on the front lawn. Yeah, exactly. Why don't I drive around to your place? That's a really good point. Where do you clean

that car? Well, so I have to go and get it washed. Like, you have to take it to like a car wash place. And you're going to rock up with your own bottle of shampoo. And say, do you mind using this please? You only, you don't need a lot, you know. And then they go, well, yes, you know. And I'm going through all this in my head and the guy's looking at me and he's really nice and I go, oh yeah, I'll get that. He goes, yeah, well, it's just 20 extra dollars or whatever. And I go, well, yes, you know, and I'm going through all this in my head and the guy's looking at me and he's really nice and I go, oh, yeah, I'll get that.

He goes, yeah, well, it's just $20 extra or whatever. And I go, yeah, do you take pay pass? How many have you got? Oh, I bought one. And he goes, you'll need more than that. I go, I'll do a reorder. Oh, that's funny you say that because I heard it lasted a while. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's a good point actually. How long is it supposed to last? Far out. Yeah. So I always get got by those things. Yeah. So I feel like I appreciate that Wendy is saying,

I would never just tell someone to buy the most expensive thing because you do feel like you get had a lot. Yeah. You know? Yep. Yep. Do you want to hear Wendy's other tips? Yeah, I do.

Here are the four worst things a person can do with their hair, says Wendy. Oh, fucking hell. Yep. Bleaching your hair. Fucking. Guilty. I'm guilty of that when I was a little hood rat.

We've all done it. The other night I had dinner with Dad. That's nice. Oh, at the Warrandyte pub. At the Warrandyte pub. That's nice. And I mentioned that. What did you have?

Did you have a parma? Got steak. Oh, nice. Because we're not doing steak did you have? Did you have a parma? Got steak. Oh, nice. Because we're not doing steak at home because Bridget's pregnant and sort of avoiding the red meat and stuff. Oh, is that a thing? Well, you have to like cook it well so that Bridget's like, well, I'm not going to. Oh, you don't want a fucking bit of shoe on your plate.

And so I haven't had steak for a while and I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the pub tonight. I'm going to have a cold beer and a steak. Oh, like a real man's man. Yeah, pretend I'm a real man. With your bleached hair. With my bleached hair. With my bleached hair. So anyway, I had like blonde

hair till I was like 12, 13. Yeah, I think everyone did. Yeah. And then I said, oh, and then it you know, it went brown. And then dad out of nowhere. Oh, you mean like naturally you had blonde hair? Yeah. Oh, so I thought you meant you were bleaching it.

No. Oh, sorry. But then I bleached it when I was 13. Yeah. And then I reckon I bleached it once and then when I grew out, it was brown and it's been brown since. Yeah. And so a random little tidbit in Ryan's like hair journey, but out of nowhere I go, yeah, I used to be blonde. And Dad goes, yeah, until your grandma let you bleach it.

And it's never been the same since. Whoa, he needs to let that go. Whoa, Dad. I've never heard my dad care about anything as much as that and the fact that he threw my grandma under the bus. Yeah, poor granny. Yeah. God rest her soul.

She's still alive. Oh, okay. But, yeah, I don't think. We've all bleached. I've met your dad. Yeah. And, yeah, I don't think he said that many words in a row the whole time. Yeah.

Wendy also says getting a perm is not good for your hair. Yeah, perms, not good. No, it's because all the chemicals. Now, speaking of chemicals, you're about to meet my chemical romance, Tony. She also recommends not getting a permanent straightening or like a heavy, thick straightening because you went through a bit of an emo phase, didn't you?

Oh, everyone did, yeah. But straightening at home, so a chemical straightening is the same as a perm except you perm it straight instead of perming it curly. So when you say perm, you mean curly but it's like the same thing. It's so bad for you. I did beg mum to let me get my hair chemically straightened. I was like, it's so curly, mum. My hair is not curly at all.

Not at all. It's like a little bit wavy sometimes, like not even. Like my hair chemically straight. And I was like, it's so curly, Matt. My hair is not curly at all. Not at all. It's like a little bit wavy sometimes. Like not even. Like my hair is very straight. And I was like, mum, my hair's disgusting. I hate it. I was like, please let me get it straight. And she was like, fuck off.

Was this the same phase where it was dyed jet black? Yeah, it was. And like, I don't want to comb over, it's not the right word, but what do you call it? Oh, the big side fringe? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thick eyeliner. It's not the right word. What do you call it? Oh, the big side fringe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thick eyeliner.

Yeah. Different coloured converses. What would it take for you to- Our producer Cam's thinking maybe I'm not gay. Yeah, I'm back, baby. That's what I'm picking up here. Keep talking to me. Yeah.

What would it take for us to see you dress like that for a day? Dress like that? I wouldn't do that. I can't do the hair, but I'll do the dress. How much of the hair can you do? Unfortunately, I actually don't dress that far from that now. But I feel like that's the extra features that really. It is, yeah, the eyeliner.

The headband, the eyeliner. Oh, the headband. I've got a couple of headbands, actually. I like a headband. Do you know what I used to rock very often? Bandana. On that little cute little pin-up girl. Yeah. headband. Do you know what I used to rock very often? Bandana. Oh, yeah. On that little, cute little pin-up girl.

Yeah, yeah. Rockabilly sweetheart over here. Yeah, I was very into that. Can you come in next week and rock my billy? I'm actually fucking, like, turned on by myself thinking about that. I don't have any of that shit anymore. Hang on, you turned on by yourself. Last week we heard about a person masturbating over the sounds of what ended up being a pigeon.

Are you saying, are you turned on by your former self and what you used to be? Yeah, well, I was pretty thin, pretty confident, dressed cool, and I was like the person I wanted to be. If 21-year-old Tony walked in here, would you try and pick him up, like you tried to pick up that guy in the car park? Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't be successful because of how we heard me trying to pick up the guy in the car park. Finally.

I'd probably laugh at how old I am. I'd be like, old bitch. Finally, hairdresser Wendy says anyone who does treatments themselves after teaching them on YouTube, it's very hard to get it back. I, once they've come in and they've gone, oh, I've just tried this thing on YouTube. Didn't quite work. Can you fix it? And she's like, I can't.

Yeah. I think lots of people do that in a like in a plea of desperation. They go, oh, my God, haven't had my grays covered up or whatever. I'm just going to do it myself. And the hairdresser can fix it. It's always so much worse. That is a great tip. My hairdresser or hairdressers online.

You would have seen this like after COVID because so many people started box dyeing their hair because you couldn't go to the hairdresser, couldn't get your eyebrows done, all that stuff. And they said there was a lot of rescue missions. Rescue missions. Hey, this is Matthew from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and I approve this podcast. Three o'clock this afternoon, Melbourne time.

A brand new blog from the desk of Dr. Tony Lodge. You're welcome. Will be on Patreon for exclusive and champion tarpon. So you can check that out at patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan. A few of the people that I hope are reading that. Rebecca, thank you. Jessica Visioli, Kurt Barnhart and Brian Kiefer.

You fucking love to see it. Kiefer. Brian Kiefer Sutherland. Yeah. And if you are listening on Spotify, which is everybody, hit follow. Hit the little bell, everything. There's a million little buttons. You can rate us. You can rate us. You can follow us.

You can bell us. The bell is notifications. Do it all. Do it all. Flance. Listener of the show from just outside Chicago. Every time you say flance, I think you're going to say flange. Like vagina. He's making me internally laugh.

It's because his name's Lance. But you've anonymised him. Yeah. Flants. So I've done something else then. Schlants. Mants. Plants.

Plants. Plants. His name's Plants. Yeah. So Plants had... Is it Plants with a Z? Yes. Definitely.

Plants had come out to his close friends. Yeah. Congratulations. That's huge. Yeah. But as many queer people will attest, the stereotype of coming out once in this big grand moment isn't quite true because you're kind of forever kind of coming out to everyone you meet.

Sure. And because no one's friends are all friends with each other, it's like when you try and organise a birthday party and you go, well, I've got 10 sets of friends, you've got to tell all the sets of friends. Yeah, and then so my friend Kate, they've got a work party and partners are invited. Yeah. And she's like, yep, I'd love to bring my partner.

And they're like, oh, what's your husband's name? You know, and it's just they're not being a dick, but you're just like, I thought I'd done this. Yeah. And like I said, Plants had come out to his friends, but he didn't expect to have to come out to more people, including on the one night the police, the fire brigade, the university campus board, at the same time,

accidentally committing a class X felony in the state of Illinois while being railed by a boy from his chemistry class. Should I continue? while being railed by a boy from his chemistry class. Should I continue? Yes, but wow. I was a freshman, says Plants. That's a real mouthful, isn't it? Well, that's not what he said.

Yes, it was. A freshman. First year of college and I was living in the oldest storm building on campus. 120 years old, you know, like this beautiful old building. And, you know, especially university campuses, you know, they're big kind of. Yeah, especially the ones that you see in the movies. Yeah. It seems so great.

Sorry, just because I didn't go to college in the US like some of us. How old are you normally when you're a freshman, like first year of college? Yeah, right. So you're like kind of it's your party time, right? 18 to 22. You're young. Four years, yeah. Yeah.

I was living in the oldest dorm, 120 years old. It was this beautiful old wooden building full of history, full of charm. Yeah. But lacking in like literal warmth and ventilation because, you know, she's an old building. Yeah, it would be fucking freezing. Yeah.

So I'd been chatting to this boy for a while, says Plants, for about a month, and finally I had the dorm room to myself because there was a party downstairs. So everyone went downstairs to the party. So he was like, why don't you come upstairs? I've never thought about the logistics of sharing a room. Oh, yeah, it's a nightmare. Was that like you were living, was there two people in your room?

Yeah. Or is it more than two people? With Max, me and Max when I was in college. And then we shared a bathroom with two other guys with, I can't remember their name, Hock and Vince. So they were like on the other side of your bathroom. Yeah. and Vince.

So they were like on the other side of your bathroom. Yeah. And then like so is that why the trope of like a hat on the door? Or like having a beer, yeah. So I have never put two and two together because you don't live on campus in Australia. It's like not a thing. Not a thing. I mean there are some boarding houses and stuff but it's not really.

You like live at home and you go to uni where you live. Maybe that's my fear of the two-way bathrooms, where it stemmed from. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Was there more than one shower? Sorry, I'm fascinated. One shower, one toilet, one sink. Oh, so you couldn't even use it at the same time.

No, and so you'd have to lock both doors. And then sometimes they'd forget that they'd locked the- The other one. Yeah. And so you couldn't get in from your side. There was a lot of walking around or banging on the door. Yeah, it was a nightmare. But for plants, he was like, well, there's a party going on downstairs,

which means upstairs. He'll be going downstairs as well. The coast is clear to come upstairs to go downstairs, like you said too. Not on his name. So he comes over and they're straight into it. Clothes were being flown in all different directions, says Plants. Yep.

But all of a sudden a loud alarm starts off in the room and sounded like the whole building is going and shaking and whatever. Oh, my God. How hard were they going? My cotton pyjamas had been flung across the room and landed on a lampshade that had five light bulbs and five plastic lampshades. Because the place was so cold, it's got all these, like, extra heating devices and all this stuff.

The cotton thing's gone on there and caught on fire. No way. Plant says the pants were engulfed in flames. The lampshades had melted and caught fire on the floor and the room is smoky with the smell of burning rubber. Burning rubber. Yeah, fucking. Was that from the fire or the water?

Yeah. Woo! At this point, people are banging on the door because they're like, there's a fucking fire. Something's going on. Someone up there. Are they asleep? Do we need to save some people?

I'm completely naked and somehow completely covered in lube. Like, it got away from them. The bottle had been squirted. It was a bit too much. Oh, just rock and rub it in. Is lube flammable? I fucking hope not. Well, because it can be oil-based, can't it?

Or water-based. That's what I'm saying. So I feel like if it was oil-based, I would be able to... So imagine being in a room full of fire and you're covered in an oil-based, Kana, or water-based. That's what I'm saying. So I feel like if it was oil-based, I would be able to. So imagine being in a room full of fire and you're covered in an oil-based lube. Just being covered in lube at all is fucking horrible. I yell for the other guy to find his pants. Meanwhile, I'm trying to find for something else

because my pants are obviously on fire. Yeah, you can't just pull those back on. So I'm hiding behind a towel that we had with us as well. He's put a lot of preparation into this. And he's scrambling to hide the evidence of sex. Because you're going, how embarrassing. I don't want to run downstairs and be the guys that were just banging and that have set the fucking door on fire.

Like, how fucking, oh, my God, yeah. I told the fireman exactly what had happened. You have to be honest. I then had to explain to the building's electrician what had happened. Then the police came in to ask a few questions. And, of course, they're like, you know, was this deliberately lit? What were the circumstances? So what were you guys doing?

And he's like, so I was fucking railing this guy. And the cop's like, oh. Question. Question. Do you think he had to say that they were having sex? Well, when they run in and, again, where are you? Because his pants started the fire. Yeah, his plants.

How did plants' pants? Start the fire. Yeah, his plants. How did plants' pants start the fire dance? So they're like, well, how did the pants get over there? And he's like, well, I flung them in a moment of passion. But, like, have you not ever? I just accidentally took my pajama pants off and they fell across the room. You know when you, like, take your jumper off and you, like, throw it on the chair or on the couch or something?

Sure. Is the jacket different? I know what you're saying, but is the throw it on the chair or on the couch or something? Sure. Is the jacket different? I know what you're saying, but is the jacket different to pants? I don't know, but I'm guessing that if the fucking pants were melted, they didn't know they were pants. He easily could have said, it was my pleather jacket. I've thrown it on the thing. I'm so sorry.

Okay. Tony Lodge, you will be playing the role of plants and pretend I am the policeman. Yep. And you're, like, not wanting to, you know, have to explain your sexuality. Because, you know, it's actually no one's business. Yeah. And he's only young as well.

And you haven't done anything wrong. Yeah. But the police are like, well, we just need to get to the bottom of this. Yeah. Okay. Hello, I'm Constable Ryan. Hello, sir. Now, I notice you're not wearing pants.

I'm noticing this guy who doesn't live here is completely naked and covered in lube. Your pyjamas are up on the wall over there on fire and they seem to set the whole building off. That's hearsay. And you're puffing and panting. That's hearsay. Sitting there with a raging boner.

So what happened? We were asleep. Why was he asleep here? He is my cousin visiting. Don't bring family. That's your cousin? This is my roommate. Oh, that's strange because your roommate's over here.

No, that's my cousin. You can see how it would just be easier to tell the truth, right? I'm not ragging on him. As an avid truth teller myself, I don't lie because I can't. I'm not good at it. When I lie, I give too many details and it's just terrible. I just told that guy I was my cousin. Like, that's not good.

Oh, Auntie Mary at Christmas told me to make sure that he comes and visits me in Illinois. And so the cop goes, so it was your cousin. Yeah, so I was fucking him, right? Yeah, so we were fucking. Make sure that he comes and visits me in Illinois. And so the cop goes, so it was your cousin. Yeah, so I was fucking him, right?

Yeah, so we were fucking. I'm not hanging shit on him for being honest. I'm just saying that in that situation he probably would have gotten away with it. But I understand that he was probably shitting himself, that he was going to be like get in trouble and have to pay for it. That's what I'd be stressed about as like a fucking teenager. I'd be like, fuck, I didn't want to hurt anyone. Did the building burn down or was it just their room? There was a lot of damage but not completely burned down.

Did they get a nice new bathroom? I haven't asked about the bathroom specifically. There were some strange looks but there were also a few high fives. Oh, from the cops? Oh, you know, getting it done. a few high fives. Oh, from the cops? Oh, you know, getting it done. Good on you, kid. Oh, okay. I can just try not to throw your pants in the fire next time.

Yeah, that sounds like a bad system from the university as well, doesn't it? Turns out incandescent light bulbs are... Incandescent? Yep, that's it. Genuine premier incandescent light bulbs. Turns out... What did you say? Incandescent. Yep, that's it. Genuine premier incandescent light bulbs. Turns out... What did he say? Incandescent. Turns out incandescent light bulbs are hot, and in the state of

Illinois, it's a class X felony to commit arson to a government-funded building. Oh, arson. That's fucking... I mean, he was coming in his arson, but I don't think... Well, you know, he would have loved a chance to finish. Yeah.

The dean said that if it happened again, I'd be kicked out of the university, but advised me to be more safe when it came to my extracurricular activities on university property in future. Oh, and that's on safe sex. Oh, plants. That's actually quite a sweet story. But now that it's over and now that everything's fine,

I think it's a sweet story. But at the time, you would be fucking so panicked. You would be, yeah, I'm so sorry, plants, you went through that. But it's a great story now. Great story, plants. Thanks for sharing. What do you love to see, Tanya Lodge? My love to see it is the epitome of starting the blog.

I saw this post on Facebook from someone called Kimmy's Creations, both with a K. They obviously like the Kardashians. I made my oldest son the cake on the left for his seventh birthday and I made my three-year-old's best friend the cake on the right earlier this week. So six years ago versus earlier this week, and she is a cake decorator.

And this tweet that she's posted has gone absolutely viral, and it says, growth is something amazing, six years ago versus earlier this week. And there's two photos I'm going to show you. She's decorated a Spider-Man cake. The one on the left is the one she did six years ago. The one on the right is the one that she just did this week. First of all, creations with a K.

Yeah, that's what I said. Yep. As much as the difference in six years is incredible, now that I can see the K, it's hard to look back. It's good. But, I mean, yeah, the growth from six years ago to what is actually, I would just describe as a fine cake. Yeah.

But now it's like the precision. The other one looks so shit. Yeah, the precision, the colour, the like, oh. It's so good. And I think that as we are huge advocates for starting the fucking blog and just doing the thing, but I think as well going, oh, but it takes like two years to get good at that thing. Two years is going to pass whether you're good at the end of it or not. You really changed your tune.

What did you say off air before? That I'm into learning. I'm bettering myself. I'm becoming a good person. I don't think you were. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think you weren't a good person, but I love this. And you're getting on, yeah.

I'm on my high horse about it. I love to see this about the cakes, but I love to see this about Tony Lodge. Yeah, thank you. But I just think that's so nice. Like, yeah, if something takes a year,

you go, oh, that's going to take a whole year. Well, the year's going to fucking pass you by regardless. You might as well spend that year doing the thing. I tell you, and... Oh, put that on a fucking t-shirt do you remember when we had this chat when we first met yes and you

were like oh if i did videos and stuff online it might take a year and i was like yeah but imagine if you started a year ago yeah you would already have done it yeah and then i said i really i said i really it is in the book followed by see how fucking annoying Ryan is. Yes. And then I also said, I want to be famous. And you said, okay, well, you have to post videos. And I said, what do people think? I'm just like trying to get famous.

And you were like, ah. You just told me that. That's literally what you just said you wanted to do. So, but yeah. I am annoying. Now that I've seen this from the outside. Let us be your Ryan and implore you to start the podcast, start the blog, start the business, fucking whatever you want to do,

just fucking do it. Fucking do it. My I Love To Seat is a text message from Phil. Phil sent me a message the other day. I want you to tell me if this is like the cleverest. Who's Phil? Your friend? Yeah, my mate Phil.

Your friend Phil? Yeah. Like Liam and Phil Phil? Yeah. Yeah. Were you fucking scraping the bottom of the barrel? Nah. You like to say it?

Because yesterday's was a text from your wife and today it's a text from your mate. All right. Do you want to hear about the text from Phil or about a fuckboy tortoise? I should have a fuckboy tortoise tomorrow. Let me tell you about Phil. Okay.

I reckon this is one of the great texts and tell me if this is really fucking funny or the dumbest thing you've ever heard. My wife, Bridget Dunn, myself, Ryan John Dunn, we're expecting a child. Baby Dunn. Baby Dunn. What's the baby Dunn? Baby Dunn. Phil sends me a text and says, I wish you were having twins.

Law and order. Dunn Dunn. That is very funny, actually. That is really funny. Don't fucking bottle my barrel, scrape me. It took me a while when I read the text. That is really funny. That is actually very funny.

Yeah, I'll pay that. Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'll pay that. That's very funny. That's really smart. Was he smoking weed at the time? It sounds a bit like a high-tech message, doesn't it? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know it's possible.

Yeah. Stick around because tomorrow on the show, I'm going to tell you about a fuckboy tortoise. I mean, why would you go anywhere else? Yeah, well, I don't know why you would. Love you, bye.