Toni and Ryan - The Jukebox Of The Family

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. We are calling Amy who's in Massachusetts Which you know the big city in Massachusetts is Perth What is it? Boston Oh, isn't Boston in New York? No, that's New York There is more than one place in New York than New York

New York State. Isn't Boston in New York than New York. New York State. Isn't Boston in New York? No, it's in Massachusetts. Hello. Hello. Amy, hello. Hi, how are you?

I wasn't sure when this was happening. I was so confused. It's happening now. It's happening right now. It's happening right now. Amy, it says on the form, like, what do you do for an occupation? And I just read big animal. And I was like, oh, Amy. But then I read it's big animal vet.

Horses, cows, that kind of thing. Does that mean you have to do the thing where you get, like, right into your, like, right, you get your whole arm in there? Yep. Cool. Yes, indeed. That is a very regular part of my job. Will Amy, will you approve this podcast?

Yes, I will. You can put your arm up our bums if you want. Brian's a big animal. Hi, it's Amy from Massachusetts, and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, would you say it's a warning, Tony? Oh, not really. Oh, I don't know if anyone can learn anything from me. I can be very honest about that.

But I need to talk about late- scrolling that leads to late night buying. A dreadful combination. Does it lead to late night regret? No. Following day regret. Early morning regret. The next day when you wake up and you go what have I done? Yep. But I've got some tapas on board with me to make me feel less bad about myself. That's a nice touch. Yeah. I think I said the other day, like, oh, God, whenever I need help, like, will the tapas be there for me? And they've come through. Yes, they will.

Yeah. First, though, I need everyone to help settle an argument for me. Oh, between who? Oh, sorry. Between Tony and Ryan okay sorry for asking we needed to catch the subway the other day and the night before Tony goes I've looked it up on Google Maps all good 27 minutes tomorrow sounds great

so we leave the hotel the next morning I say Tony which way are we going and you go I don't know. And I was like, I thought you looked it up on Google Maps. And you go, yeah, I did. And then I was surprised that you didn't know where to go. Well, I looked it up. I knew how long it was going to take. Yeah.

That information that I gave was how long it was going to take. Yeah. That information that I gave was how long it was going to take. No argument. Well, I... But I was like, well, if you... See, that's why when you said, I've got an argument that you need to settle, I didn't know what you were talking about. No argument. I looked it up and that's all that was required.

So, I was like, which way do we go? And you're like, I don't know. I was like, you looked it up and you're like, yeah. Yeah. And then're like, yeah. Yeah. And then this is my argument. If you look something up and don't retain the information, it's the same as not looking it up. And this is what I was preaching at the time.

No one else even looked it up. So, I was a step ahead of everybody. But were you though? Well, yeah, because no one else even knew how far, how long it was. Do you think it's fair of me to have assumed that if you looked it up, you would know where to go? Instead of us three tourists looking like real tourists standing in the lobby going, do we go left or do we go right or do we go straight?

But like I Googled from our location to where we were going and I was like, oh, cool, it's going to take half an hour so I know what time we need to leave. Right. If I said I looked it up, would you have assumed I know where to go? No, because I wouldn't know. Like, you know, when you kind of go, oh, if that's what I would do, that's how I assume someone else would, like, operate.

Like, if I said if i said she like oh i don't know another example um but like but if you said like oh it's half an hour i wouldn't assume you like knew the way i would just be like cool like you know how far away it is i would have gone oh tony's looked it up all good all Well, I won't look anything up in the future. Great. If that's what people would prefer. No, that's not what we're saying. So, anyway, we eventually find our way.

Eventually. We Google it again and it comes up and it's fine. So unproductive. So unproductive. And I wanted to go and have dinner and then I was like, guys, I've snagged a last-minute ticket to the Comedy Cellar, so I'm going to like duck off and go see this show because that was my little like nerdy little treat because an old comedy nerd to go to the Comedy Cellar. Are you into comedy?

Well, my dream job when I was younger was to be like a writer for like The Tonight Show or something. That was like my dream gig. And then a lot of people. Sorry. Sorry about where you ended up instead. Well, we had to settle for something. We can't all achieve our dreams.

But then a lot of like the writers will like do bits and pieces of the comedy cell and it's all part of the same click and whatever. So, I always sort of envision, you know, going to see it some way, shape or how. So, I'm a little bit excited and a bit like, oh, you know, like I've thought about this place and blah, blah, blah. What's it actually going to look like and feel like? Yeah, it's pretty iconic, like that stained glass window. Like, yeah, you don't even need to know the name. You see that stained glass and you go, oh, they're at the cellar.

So. And they've got heaps of rooms there, right? Yeah, I think there's four or five. Yeah. But they're all like different basement down the hall and the thing and all crammed in. It's pretty cool. Like I've seen it on TV. Yeah. But they're all like different basement down the hall and the thing and all crammed in. It's pretty cool. Like I've seen it on TV.

Yeah. Like it's quite cool. Now, I know I did 27 You Love to See It's yesterday and I know this has got your love to see it energy about it. So, I just want to flag that up front. Mm-hmm. But I, 36-year-old Ryan, got asked for ID to prove that I was above the age of 21. Oh.

And didn't after I was already, we went out and had a nice dinner. I was going to one of my favorite places. You were already drunk. I was already drunk. And I was already like gassed up and in a good mood. And doesn't that just get you feeling really good when you're like, ooh. And I was like, is that to prove my age? Because I just wanted to check.

I'm like, this isn't like a photo thing for like security. You ask everyone, right? Yeah. And they're like, no, no, I just got to know that everyone's above age because we serve drinks down there and i was like oh see i hate being asked for id because i never have it with me well i never have my fucking license like ever since apple pay came in it's actually been really bad for like legal reasons because i don't ever have like a purse or a bag I just travel with my phone so I'm really feeling myself after being asked for ID until I realized as a new convert to

Apple ID I actually don't have ID oh and then I went for I didn't even know that that was the end of that story but so I went from like feeling myself to actually feeling myself trying to find like because I've just been going um like and i think because i when we're doing the meet and greets i saw some photos and when it's like wallet keys phone you they like they're sticking out of your pants and stuff and i was like so i'm like i don't need my full wallet i've just got like a credit card in my pocket or something and yeah and yeah pay id and so i'm like and'm like, I'm on the other end of town. You guys have already left.

But also I couldn't have helped you any, like, I don't have your ID. Yeah, but I was just, but I'm like, I'm kind of like, I planned on being here for a few hours. Now I'm just stuck in the middle of New York by myself. I'm like, fuck, what am I going to do? And isn't this a sign of the times? I found a screenshot of my passport in Dropbox on my phone. Did they accept that?

They fucking did. Is that crazy? That is crazy. I don't think they're supposed to accept that. Because anyone could just. Anonymous comedy restaurant. Because anybody could, like anyone could just Photoshop that. Obviously, you are like, we aren't telling a story about how you made a fake ID

and they accepted it. But like, because I'm 40. I mean, you're 35. It's fine. The show was like 7 o'clock and I think I was there. I had tickets for a later show and I went, oh, I'm a bit early. Can I sneak into the early? Yeah.

And I reckon it was like 7.30. Which a young person doesn't do. They go out at 10. Like they should start checking IDs at 9. I got tickets for the 9.30. Which a young person doesn't do. They go out at 10. They should start checking IDs at 9. I got tickets for the 9.30 show, but to be honest, I'm hoping to be in bed by 20 past 9. Yeah, I'd love a green tea if you've got one. I actually had a hot chocolate on the way home. It was fantastic. And so, I reckon there was a bit of like, I wouldn't say I wore them down, but as I'm like searching, I'm like, and I went,

I'm like 21. I was like, I'm 36. Yeah. I've got a beard. Does that count for a few years? I guess maybe, maybe not. I've got a baby. Does that help? I'm scrolling through my phone. I think in the Dropbox, I found like a Medicare card. So, I reckon by the time I got to a passport, they just looked at each other and went, fuck, just let the fuck go. Like, I couldn't give a fuck. Oh, mate. Hey, just a quick one. I actually don't give a fuck Oh mate Hey just a quick one I actually don't give a fuck Yeah I just need to appear to give a fuck

Yeah And I feel like we've done enough back and forth But by that point they can't just like let you in Because they're like doing the dance Yeah Like it's too late to take it back Yeah yeah exactly But I was just like

I got in and was like Now I know I often get ahead of myself When I say like I felt a bit Ocean's Eleven Like I've pulled off a fucking sleep ice. But when I showed a screenshot of a passport on a phone, I was like, I've fucking cracked the code here, folks. Pretty clever. Yeah.

I mean, actually, if I had a bit, I think I've got a screenshot of your passport as well, just like because I've had to send it in an email to someone at some point. Mate, if you ever need that, I'll text it to you. Maybe you could have helped me out. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, you you ever need that, I'll text it to you. Maybe you could have helped me after all. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, you could have called me. I could have texted you that.

Well, it didn't actually help that all our rooms at the moment are booked under Tony Lodge. And then I locked my key out of my room. And the guy's like, Ryan, right? And I was like, yep. And he goes, hello, is that Miss Lodge? Robert is downstairs. And I was like, who the fuck is that?

I'm being attacked. Like, someone's tracked me down. He's tracked me down. But is he hot and rich? Because maybe. Has he got a dog with him? Like I'm really missing Pippa. Is he hot and or smart?

Yeah. Does he have Uber Eats? Maybe I've ordered a hot dog and I forgot. Please leave me alone. Oh, they're here with the cheeseburger and extra fries. Okay, great. Oh, yeah. Let them on up.

That's fine. Yeah. It was so humiliating. And he wasn't having a bar of the idea on the phone. And you know when you just feel like an asshole when you're standing in a line, like, trying to find something? Well, the same reason. He goes, you've got an idea?

I was like, no, it's in the room. And he goes, can you get it? I was like, well, if I could go and get the idea, I wouldn't be fucking standing here, would I? Yeah. But when you're kind of, like, trying to find something or you're, like, oh, you're, like, negotiating with them and then, like, someone stands behind you and you go, oh, fuck. And then it and then it's like another 20 seconds passes but it feels like eight years someone else is

behind you and you go oh my god like you just start getting so antsy about like when he said i'll have to call miss lodge to get permission it sounded like he was like calling the manager like calling the boss to get permission and he was like what's the email address and i was like it's like at tandRyan.com. Yeah. And I'm like, hint, hint. I'm the Ryan. Like, how do I know this is your room?

And I was like, well, if you look at the email address. Everyone keeps calling me Miss Lodge here and it is. Do you like that? No. No, no, no. Because it sounds very official and I'm like the least official person in the world. We had a teacher at school that was like, don't call me Mr. Bryce. Because that was my dad's name.

Just call me Carl. That sounds like gear. Mr. Bryce, that's my father. Call me Dylan or whatever. He was trying to be a cool cat and he was into hot cars and stuff. Mate, you're a math teacher. Keep your pants on. Yeah, oh God. Hi, it's Amy from Massachusetts and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Tapas, Tony and Ryan podcast. Again, you sound like a ghost.

It's very fun. Halloween's gone, mate. Scott Mitchell. Thanks, Scotty. Jordan Savage, not Sauvage. That's actually the name of the thing. So, obviously, I've said Sauvage at some point. Someone's hit a nerve.

Yeah, sorry. Caitlin Barker. Good on you, Caitlin. Tori James and Dom Meow Nick for Kiara. Dom Meow Nick. Yeah, it's hard for me to keep a straight face during the meows. And because I'm jerking you off under the table. So you can't keep a straight face. I thought I was the quirky one today. Wow. Sorry. Just a bit of fun. Well, we are in studios on the road and Tony and I are- All the lights have just turned off as well. So, I said, yeah, I'm jerking you off and all the lights turned off.

I'm like, oh my God. Okay, cool. We'll dim the lights. Well, maybe the ghost you let out when he did this. But we are almost comically close to each other. Yeah, we are. Like we're talking into each other's mouths and I can feel your feet. A little bit of footsies. That's quite cute. So that's what your feet are doing. They're not falling you over in taxis.

I have recommitted to the platform shoes, by the way. Oh, quick status update. Yep. Have not fallen over. Going very strong. The other night I went to, in my dad energy, like pick up my young daughter. Yes. And Tony.

I knew I wouldn't go out because I was scared of walking home by myself. And Ryan's like, I'll come and get you. You let me know when you need me to pick you up and I'll be there. So, I picked Tony up from the theatre. Which was very sweet. And we walked home together. And then you didn't trip, but you did stumble.

A tiny bit. A tiny scuff of like a thing and I, yeah. And I'm not trying to say that that counts as a fall, so all good. No one needs to get defensive. Nothing happened. All good. But as soon as you tripped a little, you didn't go like, oops, or what? You went, that doesn't count.

I screamed, that doesn't count. I'm like holding a hot dog. It was like a cartoon. I'm holding a hot dog. It was like a cartoon. I'm holding a hot dog. A banana peel on the ground. I'm holding a hot dog and a massive pretzel. Someone had a big night. And then I was like, that doesn't count.

And mum was like, no, I didn't say anything. And both of us went straight away. But Tony made a bold claim in Texas that I will not fall over during this whole trip. We landed in the USA and I said, how long are we here for? A month. And I said, I'm not going to fall over the whole time. Can't afford the fucking healthcare, to be honest.

Now, you have been wearing the sensible Asics. Yep. But I see, as I look under the table and feel in my lap, that you've gone back to the platform cons, which can be problematic. Well, I wear platform shoes basically exclusively and I fall over a lot. So there has to be a correlation between the two. But I've been wearing the Asics because I was like, I just need to wear runners because we've been like hoofing it a lot.

But, I mean, the Converses, though, they are more stylish. They are. Yeah. So it's a bit more fun are more stylish. They are. Yeah. So, it's a bit more fun. You're a cool girl. Yeah. It's a bit more like, you remember when we were talking about me getting excused for a New York local?

Yeah. Converses. Really? Yeah. Okay. Must have been that. So, you'll risk falling on your face to not be- I'll risk fucking the bed.

Yeah. To look cool. I would do the same. Beauty is pain. And I've always said that. So, we've been away in the US for a really fucking long time, forever. It feels like we've moved here and we're never going home. You having a good time, mate?

I'm loving it. Okay, let's check because that sounded a bit venomous. Oh, no, no, no, no. I think it's just really hard because like being away, you just assume, well, this is what I always assumed before I ever had to travel for work. I was like, traveling for work, how glamorous. No. It's not. It's like you just want to sleep in your own bed.

You don't really get as much downtime. You miss your family. You wish you could just cook dinner. And it's actually very hard being away from the fam. Obviously, your wife and baby, you're reunited now, but you have been apart for all that time and you're trying to tee up, calling while Mabel's asleep, but Bridget can chat. She does her dad.

And sorry to anyone who's been in a hotel room near me that's heard Wheels on the Bus being sung very loud. I've heard it. Have you heard me singing Friends with Justin Bieber and Blood Pop? Give me me friends. Yep. Yep. And Will You Be My Girlfriend.

Will you be my girlfriend. By the recently re-cancelled Justin Timberlake. Oh, yeah. Because I just called. Might need a new one. Yeah, I know. Well, because I called Mabel girlfriend. Yeah.

So just, will you get me my girlfriend? And then she just loves that. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably not a fun new one. That's okay. We'll find you something. Okay, cool. Send through your girlfriend-related songs to-

What about Avril Lavigne? Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend. No way, no way. Do you need a new one? Yeah, but I don't want her to get a new one or me to get a new one. She is my. Yeah, no, but I like the energy of that, though. We could redo the words.

Like, hey, hey, you, you, you could be my girlfriend. Hey, hey, you, you, yes, you are my girlfriend. Yes, you are still my girlfriend. That's fun. That's fun. Yeah. See, this is why you need me. Mabel needs her Aunt Toddy because she's the jukebox of the family.

Jukebox Saturday night. Anyway, so. I don't know how this episode is going to end, but can we call this episode the jukebox of the family? Yes. Write that down. Tony, the jukebox. I'm actually very proud to be that.

That's me. That's a great. Do you think if you ever did like a one-woman theatre production that was a musical, that's what it would be called? Yes. Tony Lodge, the jukebox of the family. Yes. And you're like, hey, guys,

tonight I will be playing the role of Tony and the jukebox. Yeah. Bringing you the fun and the music. I love that. We'll just cut that out and use that as the radio ad. Radio ad. Sorry, do you not want anyone to come? What's the ad for?

But I'll be honest, after going to Broadway, like, last week. You're jazzed up. No pun intended, but yes. Pun intended. And I'm like, I'm quitting the podcast to be a performer. Buy me some leg warmers. I'm ready to go. Anyway, okay. I was born for the stage. Actually, I think that I was. You're the jukebox of the family. That's my new favourite title. Anyway,

we've been. Update LinkedIn. Muscles of the show, jukebox of the family. What else could I be? So, we've been FaceTiming back home, trying to find the right times, and it's kind of figured out that, like, late at night here has been, like, while Torbs is, like, on his lunch break for work. And by the time we get off the phone and he goes, Oh, look at Pippa.

We miss you. We're doing X and whatever, I hang up the phone and I feel so sad because I'm like, I hang it up and I'm like, ah, and then I'm just like in my room by myself. And you masturbate? Like a sad one? The tears of the loon? She's so wet because of the tears. Because of the tears.

Oh, salty. But you're probably the same. Like, you kind of hang up and you're like, there's a calm down of, like, energy from being on the phone or whatever. There's a calm down, yeah. And are you okay? Sorry, sorry. Is it because I was jerking you off before? Yeah, it's the cons.

It's the ghost. The ghost cum. The ectoplasm. Anyway, okay. So, we're traveling around. Like, I'm tired from everything that we've been doing. And I get off the phone and I'm like, oh, I'm not really ready to sleep yet. But I'm so exhausted.

And I start scrolling and, like, we've been on the phone. Torbs is like, oh, I took Pippa to the vet today because she gets allergies and she licks her paws. Yeah. And it's, like, a really common dog thing, but she licks her paws and they get all red and sore. And so we put, like, cream on them and we bathe her and she gets, like, an injection for her allergies.

But itchy paws I think is, is like a really common dog thing, especially for dogs that already have allergies. Yeah, or a little pip. They get so sore and she just can't stop it. And then she gets anxious, I think, about like them being sore and itchy and she's just trying to like get a bit of comfort. What will the other dogs think of me if they see me itchy? I know.

It's like me with my psoriasis. So I start licking my head. Anyway, and we get off the phone. Tubbs is telling me about how Pippa's paws are sore, and I'm like, I'm the worst mum ever. I'm, like, all over here. There's nothing I could do. He's done exactly what, like, I would do if I was there.

Well, there is something you could do. You could have stayed home and be the proper mum that you should be. Oh, fuck. This is, you're getting spicy today, and I don't know what you want you could do. You could have stayed home and be the proper mum that you should be. Oh, fuck. This is, you're getting spicy today and I don't know what you want me to do. But anyway, and I'm just like feeling a bit guilty and I'm like just scrolling on Facebook and I'm tired. I'm jet lagged. I'm a bit emotional.

And I see this, I get this sponsored ad and it literally is like, yeah, they see you coming. Yeah, they go. And I get sucked in so easily to sponsored ads And I see this thing and it's like Does your French Bulldog have licky paws? And I'm like Excuse me? Yeah, are they in the room?

The Truman Show It is the Truman Show And I'm like looking at this ad And I'm like, stop blinking Because I'm like, there's no way that that's actually what it says And it literally is like Does your French Bulldog have licky paws? ad and I'm like, start blinking because I'm like, there's no way that that's actually what it says. And it literally is like, does your French Bulldog have licky paws? Will your dog not stop licking its paws?

Does your dog get rashy paws? It's like all these things in this one ad and I was like, holy shit. And I'm worried about Pippa and I see this thing. I'm like, oh my God. And I click on it and then it's like $69.99 Australian dollars for this like- What is it? So, it's like a- Is it licky paws? Pay. What is it? So, it's like a. Is it licky paws? Pay here and you just.

Yeah, you just get them. No, so it's like a probiotic like powder that you add to your dog. Is this the same one I have in tablets for my IBS? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. And then you just add it to their food and apparently it's this miracle fucking product that will stop your dog's leaky paws. And it's like a powder.

It's like protein powder, but it's like a nutrient powder. But I think what you got to keep in mind is because as previously discussed on many occasions, Pippa is salmon only. Yes. And it's all well and good. Which is for her allergies. So she says. Oh, I can only eat cheeseburgers.

Look at my allergies. I think something to keep in mind is that because she is a fussy eater, it's all well and good for us humans to go, oh, it's for her allergies. But how does it taste? Because I'm thinking of protein powder being sprinkled on salmon and that's probably a no from me. So. If it was a salt, like a probiotic salt with maybe a bit of herb and chili.

Sure. Oh, okay. Because, you know, a bit of chili on a piece of salmon. So, she doesn't only eat salmon because she's fussy. She would eat like anything that we gave her. Right. It's that she should only have salmon. So, she's not fussy on the taste. Who gave you this advice?

Was it Big Salmon? Big Salmon. No. So, oh, my God. So, a French, this is like a French bulldog thing, like a single protein diet. Right. And we gave her a single protein chicken and that made her very itchy. Right.

And then we did lamb and that gave her the runs. Oh. And then we did salmon and that's been the one that's stuck. And so they say on this thing, it's like bacon flavoured protein powder that you sprinkle on. Fucking anyway, I spent the 70 bucks. And I'm like, as an absent mother, this is all I can do. Anyway, and then the next day I'm on the phone with Torbs

and I go, oh, I saw this thing. You know how we were talking about people's leaky paws and Torbs goes, oh, not blah. So he's copped it as well, obviously. And I was like, oh, have you seen it? And he goes, yeah. And I went, oh, oh, yeah. And he goes, yeah, thing, that's a scam. And I was like, oh, okay.

And I was like, well, I'm actually mother of the year. Yeah. So, I'm not accepting this. And he goes, yeah, because I saw it and then, like, read all the reviews and people are like, it doesn't work and it's not that good. And, like, my dog didn't really like it and whatever. Did you read the reviews? Because you are a review reader. Yeah.

But I was acting on emotion and impulse, not on clever brain. Yeah, and guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt is one of the great emotions for selling. It is. And anyway, so Torbs goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a scam, eh? And I was like, well, bro, it's on the side of the house. I've spent the money.

It's like $70, $69.99, and then like $10 shipping or something ridiculous. Far out. Has it helped her pause? Absolutely the fuck not. So it's arrived though? It's arrived It doesn't help It doesn't fucking work

Has Torb taken any of it? For his itchy pores? With its protein flavoured And full of probiotics I mean You spent the money babe Yeah exactly I'm not necessarily

No refunds Bacon flavoured Sign me up Yeah But anyway So I got fully sucked into A late night guilt purchase For feeling sad

And missing my family. But I posted in our Facebook group and was like, please come to rescue me. Yeah. I saw a lot of people kind of commenting, tapas in our Facebook group saying like, oh, late night baby feeding is dangerous ground because you kind of end up like hitting purchase on a few things. Yeah. They're just laying there in one arm. is dangerous ground because you kind of end up like hitting purchase on a few things. Yeah, they're just laying there in one arm.

You got another hand with your phone just waiting for them to suck down a bottle. Yep, and Amazon's open and you're ready to go. Amazon, always open. Yep, like- Always ready to take your money. I meant the app's open and you're already in there. Yeah.

So, Jodie Wales said, it's always health and fitness shit. It's like I've become a different person after 9pm, which I relate to. I tell you I've become a different person after 9pm, which I relate to. I tell you when I become a fitness person. Yeah. January 1. Also, whenever I go away. You've never thought about going to a gym ever and then you go to a hotel,

you're like, oh, no fitness centre. Oh, no, it's more like when I get back. Oh. Oh no, it's more like When I get back Because you're sort of like You're away in an airport Feels like a line in the sand But also like, when you're out and about You're like, seeing people Seeing people look fit and healthy And you go, yeah, that's who I'll be

And then you go, when I get back Because obviously I couldn't do it now, because I'm away I'm away right now, so yeah, I'll do it when I get back But when I get back, I am going to be do it now because I'm away. Yeah, I'm away right now. So, yeah, I'll do it when I get back. But when I get back, I am going to be disciplined and get up at this time. I'm going to do this thing. And so January 1 is the perfect one because you could, like, away on holidays or Christmas. Yeah, well, I mean, after Christmas.

Yeah, once we finish the ham. Yeah, once I've fucking knocked eight kilos of ham off, then I'll settle right in and then I'll be good. So it's not when I'm on, like, it's the thoughts on holidays about when I get back. Mine's when I'm sick. I have it's not when I'm on, like, it's the thoughts on holidays about when I get back. Mine's when I'm sick. I have so much motivation when I'm sick and I go, I'd love to exercise but I can't right now.

I wish I could go for a walk. So is this sort of like, I've actually heard it. I literally, yeah, I have. I'm like, oh, I would give anything to be able to exercise and then I'm well the following week and I'm like, oh, well, obviously. Well, now I'm busy. I had all that downtime before. But are you getting this sort of like motherly instincts of like,

when I get back, I'm going to be the best mother ever. I'm going to do this. We're going to go two walks a day. We're going to walk down to the Preston markets to get fresh salmon, fresh off the boat, straight into Little Pip because that's what she deserves and that's what she likes and it's going to help and I'm going to do this. Are you getting notes? I actually am and I hate that you're saying that because I got-

I can't read words but I can read you. Yeah, but also I'm literally a book. Like I don't know why I bothered writing one because I already am very easy to read. Yep. I keep getting all of these. So, like, I've given up on, like, scrolling my Instagram feed. Now I just do the Discover page. Really?

Because it was advice that you gave me because I was like, fuck, all these people I went to school with, like, don't really care about their kids or whatever. And then I started going on the Discover page and I was like, this is wonderful. But you can, it only takes two or three searches of your Discover page and it just, you're kind of being like, send me this way, dog. Food, fashion, French Bulldogs. Is that your area? That's my, the three Fs of my Discover page. What was mine? Fonts.

Fonts. Interiors. Oh, I get interiors as well, actually. Yep. Volleyball. Yep. And I don't know how this one found me, but there seems to be a lot of hot girls. Oh, it's probably because you follow me.

Oh. And then, so I'm getting all these reels on my Discover page, and it's like all these French bulldogs doing funny things, and I'm sitting in my bed in a fucking hotel room crying and looking at all these cute dogs and just like. And then I saw one the other day and it's like, your dog is so excited to see you at the end of the day. The least you can do is take it for a walk.

Like it's waited to see you all day. And I was like. Guilt is the best thing. But I'm watching all these videos like. What if I could but I can't? And then I'll get home and I won't do it because I'll be like, Oh, Torbs, do you want to take her? Fuck that.

Pip, you're in a backyard now. You fucking walk yourself. I've got two fucking treadmills, sweetheart. Just whack it on. Jump on, doll. Two legs each. Hey, would it be like left and right or front and back? Well, she's off side to side?

No, like she could have her front legs on the, like if the treadmills were back to back. Oh, yeah. She could have her front on one of them and the back on the other. Or if they were side by side, it could be left and right. But then wouldn't it be, hang on. She's not long enough because she's standing on the front. No, she's just standing up on the top. It's just not getting used like it is right now.

Anyway, I've got heaps of comments. Oh, please, sorry. You know what? I'll share it next week. We'll do this again because I've got some great comments of when people have done a late night shop. And if you've got a great one, pop it in today's episode thread. Send her on through.

I thought you'd love to see it here. Oh, here we go. You know the artist Banksy? Yeah. Right? The way that you said that, like, it was... Like, I've just discovered this amazing new underground artist. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I've got a recommendation. It's this new artist that I've found. There is a new artist, not Banksy, but Wanksy. Have you seen Wanksy? No, but I was about to make the pun. So, Wanksy has been cruising around where all the potholes are and then drawing over the potholes and drawing a big...

Whereabouts? ...stick and balls. I believe this is in Manchester in the UK. Oh. Because it's like signed wanksy because it's like a dick and balls and it's like jizzing. Very funny. But the thing is, is that when you do graffiti,

the council are like, oh, we're onto that in the flash. Yeah. So they fix the potholes. Yeah. So he's like, oh, dog, while you're at it. He's a masked vigilante. He is. He's like doing good for Batman, you know?

And we got, yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I feel like. No, it's good. And so he is a vigilante. That's a great word. Once I tried to write vigilante and I wrote vinaigrette. Like the thing you put on a salad.

You know what? Both great, though. I'll write a vinaigrette. Like the thing you put on a salad. You know what? Both great, though. I'll write a vinaigrette. But only one reminds you of Batman. Yeah, the vinaigrette. Like I'm never having a great salad with a nice bit of vinegar and I go, what's Batman up to? Yeah, oh, God, could you pass the vigilante?

But my love to see it is wanksy because, A, it's a bit funny, but then, B, it's actually working and helping getting potholes covered. No, I write that. Like the bitty garette that he is. The masked bitty garette. Well, he's anonymous, so he is masked. My love to see it is something that popped up on my feed, my Discover page.

Yes. And it's two people and they're posing in front of, and it's like, one photo of someone with a slice of bread on the ground and another photo of someone with a slice of bread on the ground. Did you see this? This is my favourite thing. It's so sweet and I'm sure that everyone's seen some iteration of this, but the caption is, I'm in Gunpo, South Korea. I found a guy in Montevideo, Uruguay, the exact opposite side of the world. Today we made an earth sandwich.

8am for me, 8pm for him. I love the internet. I do love the internet. And it's just so funny. They're both like pointing to the piece of bread. All thumbs up. I just think that that's so fucking wholesome. So wholesome.

Like, isn't that just such sweet enjoyment of the world? Yeah. A world sandwich. Yeah. All right. Fucking hell. Tomorrow on the show, normal or nah, and one of these is like we share an office back in Melbourne with some other people,

and I feel like it's becoming pretty normal now, like co-working spaces or like. Oh, totally. And people go, oh, I just rent it three days a week. I don't go in every day. Or I got a hot desk and I go in for meetings, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. A hot desk is just the worst thing to ever happen. Like, I am very passionate about a hot desk and they are just such a terrible idea.

I don't know who had it, but they need to be shot by the musked vinaigrette. Like, it's honestly... Get Batman onto this one. It is, like, my worst honestly. Get Batman onto this one. It is like my worst nightmare is having a fucking hot desk. So, you know, the villain in the first Christopher Nolan Batman was Scarecrow, which was Chilling Murphy. Then it was Heath Ledger, the Joker.

And then the third was Bane, Tom Hardy. And they've actually, Christopher Nolan's just announced he's doing a photo. Here we go. Yeah. Christopher Nolan's just... Has he? He's doing... Breaking news.

He's doing a fourth Batman. Christian Bale is obviously back to reprise his role of Batman. That's huge. What a good get. Yeah. And the villain... It's a hot desk. Villain-garet.

It's a hot desk. But the thing about... Who would play the hot desk. But the thing about... Who would play the hot desk? The thing about the hot desk is that it's very easily camouflaged because you never know which one it is. It is, yeah. Because there's always someone different sitting at it. Well, that's his skill.

He can hide in any commercial office space and be undetected. Watch out, we work. Who would play the role of the office desk, the hot desk? Margot Robbie. She's in everything. She is in everything. All right. See you tomorrow.

Bye. I hate it here. Love you. Bye.