Toni and Ryan - The Local Pasta

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

CONFESSION CHAT and ALSO me being selfless lol love you!!! Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Sarah in London and Bridget in London and we approve this podcast. Welcome to the show. Welcome back to the London Airbnb where I can confirm it is still hot in London. They still don't know what air conditioning is. And if you can hear planes in the background, it's because one's flying past and the door to the balcony is open. Well, it has to be open because of the aforementioned no AC. Yeah.

And the fan, actually, how would you describe the fan, Tony? And specifically, how would you describe how not noisy it is in terms of could we have it on right now? No. That fan is like 85 spoons in a blender. And it's actually a metal fan. Yeah. And I dropped it the other day.

Did you? And the whole thing fell apart. Yeah. And so now the front doesn't go on. And actually, you could cut cheese with that thing. Yeah. Cut cheese. A hard cheese.

If we turn that on and got a bit crazy, someone could be decapitated. Or Leonardo decapitated. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely gone. Coming up today, there has been someone has said something in the TARP community. We've all latched onto it. And I think we've been sent down the river.

What? Yep. When? A scandal in the TARP community. When? Remember we lied to about the dog in the river. What? Yep. When? A scandal in the top. When? Remember we lied to about the dog in the suitcase? Oh, yeah. It's one of, I think, I'm calling bullshit on something,

but we'll get somewhere soon. But first, these are top confessions from an Airbnb, but not about Airbnb. TonyandRyan.com.au is where you can submit yours. First confession is small town scandal. Oh, my God. That's us because we're in a small town at the moment. Small town of London.

Yeah. I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and everything. Oh, my God. There are birds floating in the balcony. Tony's not a bird guy, and I found that out. You can hear us. We're out in nature, which is the opposite of a highway.

Tony nearly got attacked by pelicans at Buckingham Palace the other day, and they were taller than she was. It might just be called Bird Camp Palace because it was bird town down there. Didn't like it at all. Please don't be too funny because I'm about to shit myself. Nancy's saying you're here. Hello. Yeah, okay. Nothing happened.

All good. And we've just both been sitting here. All fun. Yep, hanging out. All good. A small you here. Hello. Yeah, okay, nothing happened. All good, love. And we've just both been sitting here. All fun. Yep, hanging out. All good. A small town scandal. Oh, ba-bow. I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone

and everything about everyone. God, I reckon, like, such a double-edged sword. Yeah. Like, because it'd be great because you go, oh, I feel really, like, feel great that I know everybody and there's heaps of support, but also, like, I can't go and buy tampons without, like, Jenny down the road being like, oh, no wonder she was such a bitch at book club, you know?

I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, I hate that. In my workplace, says the confessor, she works at the equivalent of Parks and Rec. Oh, amazing. Yeah, like City Walls. Sorry, I'm just picking up a works at the equivalent of Parks and Rec. Oh, amazing. Sorry, I'm just picking up a really big water bottle, but the plastic is really soft.

And you know how when you can't hold it right up. Sorry, I'm just going to try and have some water. I couldn't bring my Frank Green into the country. Because it's too thick? Sorry, everyone. We're loose in London. You've just shit yourself and i'm doing that okay parks and rec the city manager got married to a kindergarten teacher

oh and the local town pastor did the ceremony not no like not the local town pastorea. Like the ravioli married. The local pastor being spaghetti. Yeah. Yes, waiter, I'll have the local. Amazing. Sorry, the local pastor what?

Well, he conducted the ceremony and married them. Beautiful. Yeah. Not in like a throuple way. No. The city manager and the kindergarten teacher ended up having three kids together. Beautiful.

Ten years later. Slow burn. The entire town is at church one morning and the pastor announces he has something to confess. What? He's spaghetti. He is pasta. He had been sleeping with the city manager's wife,

the kindergarten teacher. They'd been doing the hippity-dippity. Oh, my God. This sounds like an episode of Cluedo. For five years. It was the pasta with the ravioli with the kindergarten teacher. Yeah, it was the pasta with the tomato sauce and the slices of bacon and garlic bread. Oh, yum. That does sound good. Should we get some pasta? Should the tomato sauce and the slices of bacon and garlic bread.

Oh, yum. That does sound good. Should we get some pasta? Should we go to Italy? I can see it from here. Oh, it's actually just there. Yeah. I can smell the pizza.

I can smell the fine leather goods from here. I'm fine on holidays. Yeah, you are. You're good on holidays. You're good on holidays. I'm not on holidays. Yeah, you are. You're good on holidays. You're good on holidays. I'm not on holiday. I've been working my ass off. Yeah, you're good on holidays.

I wish you'd come to work today, though. Yeah. Yeah, whenever you're ready. So he's been fucking the kindergarten teacher for five years. Five years. And he married her to some other bloke. Yeah, maybe he wishes he married her to him. Aperol Spritz.

Linguini. He announced that they were in love and would be moving in together. And he didn't think that he could be the pastor since he was leaving his wife and she was leaving her husband. And how could he be the purveyor of marriages when he was doing the hippity-dippity? You know what I mean? Well, yeah. He's fallen on his sword. marriages when he was doing the hippity-dippity? You know what I mean? Well, yeah. He's fallen on his sword. Yeah, he's like the sanctity of marriage.

That just means nothing to this ravioli. As he said this to the community. Congregation, they call it. Thank you. The kindergarten teacher stands up. She was sitting next to the husband who didn't know about any of this yet. And she walks up to the pastor who's just, you know, is a bit emotional.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. And just like rubs him on the back and goes, oh, you spoke well, honey. And then they just like walked off together. And I was like, they just left. And the whole town is in the church just being like, including the husband.

And they're just like sitting there gobsmacked. He had no idea. This sounds like the first half of a Miley Cyrus film film she does movies she has done movies yeah is she does she play the role of the pastor no i don't think she'd be the pastor anyway that is wild in response the city manager i don't know the story has ended there, but this is just a great fact. Yeah. So this is the husband. Could you try again? Sorry. Sorry.

Siri's giving a bit of feedback on the fly. Oh, she's heard. Oh! I don't know. Would everyone have heard that? Yes. That's embarrassing. In response, the city manager shaved his head to the skin and just like at work.

Like he's at Parks and Rec in the office and everyone's like, how are you feeling? He's like, oh, all good. Can I borrow that razor? And just shaved his head at work. What the fuck? And now he looks like Mr. Clean. Mr. Sheen. No, it says Mr. Clean.

Do you mean Mr. Sheen? Isn't Mr. Sheen an old guy with hair? Mr. Sheen is the guy though, isn't it? Mr. Sheen is a guy. Charlie Sheen. Mr. Sheen an old guy with hair? Mr. Sheen is the guy, though, isn't it? Mr. Sheen is a guy. Charlie Sheen. Mr. Sheen doesn't have hair. Mr. Clean doesn't have hair. Mr. Clean is jacked.

He's that guy. Is music playing? Oh, downstairs. I thought it was one of you guys. I was like, guys, we're working. Yeah, Mr. Clean rolls with Mr. Muscle. That's Mr. Sheen. Yeah, but they've said Mr. Clean. Who's that guy?

So is that... Yeah. Mr. Sheen's like an old butler. No, I'm thinking of Ask Jeeves. Very English all of a sudden. I... I... Has anyone seen Ask Jeeves and Mr. Sheen in the same room though? You know what I'm saying? Very English all of a sudden. I, yeah. Has anyone seen Ask Jeeves and Mr. Sheen in the same room though?

You know what I'm saying? Ask Sheen. Yeah, I don't think Jeeves is copping too many questions so he's like pivoted into cleaning products. He's like Jim. He's just started doing lots of different things. Jim's mowing. Jim's fucking tile and grouting.

Jim's IT support. Is Jim only a thing in Australia? Yeah. Oh, he might have gone overseas. He's gone multi-nash. Probably. He's doing it. He'll fucking do anything, that guy.

He will, actually. He's a good guy, Jim. Is he? I actually don't think he is. Yeah, I've heard bad things. No. Was that Jim or was that one of the franchisees? No, I think Jim's had some interesting moments.

I mean, don't come here for local. What an MF. And welcome to Franchise Australia podcast. Franchisee versus franchise. Wow, you can win the battle. It's because you can say Italy. You're getting it crazy. Yeah.

Franchise. Ciao. Ciao. Okay. I'm feeling kebabs because I can also see Lebanon. Do you know what's really crazy, though, is that I just never, ever, ever, ever, ever thought that I would say the word franchisee on this podcast. And it feels like. It feels wrong.

It feels like it's not my area. Maybe. Like I should like stay in your lane. No, business chat. Business chat. We're a business. We as a franchisor. No.

What? We're not franchisors. Well, this is my pitch. Yeah. Us as franchisors can lease the Tony and Rod Ryan. Tony and Rod. Yeah. My dad's going to get involved.

Tony and Rod cast. Yeah, Tony and Rod cast. Sorry. You just got your own name wrong. Tony and Rod. Doesn't that sound like a podcast that would talk about franchising it actually really does and Tony and Rod from the franchisees models

yeah we're now crossing to Tony and Rod in Greater Britain for their opinion on the franchisee if you're in Italy and for those playing along at home, I'm referring to those people just over there that we can see from the balcony.

Yeah. They can be French. You have to actually use your passport to look over there. That's how close it is. Really? Yeah. You've got to have it on you at all times. Yeah, I don't know where mine is.

We went to the pool yesterday and accidentally ended up in Switzerland. Yeah. Honestly, it's cowboy town up there. It's crazy over here. Yeah. So, if you're in Italy, you can be a friend. Fuck, this better be good. And then you can recreate the Tony and Ryan podcast in Italian for your people.

No, no. Because it's not a franchise. What we should do is just do like Italian transcripts of ours. Well, they can do that. And that's their job as the franchisee. Are you going to sit here and translate actually yes tony please read the next um the next confession in italian and i know you don't have the story in my mind gone no i just i like to internalize it if only there was like a franchisee who could do it for you or like google translate do you know what i mean

forget everything well yeah yeah obviously do we have time for another confession or have we Or like Google Translate. Do you know what I mean? Forget everything, we'll use Google Translate. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously. Do we have time for another confession or have we got crazy talking about Italy? How long have we been going for? How long were you pooing for? Is that another part of it? It depends how it's edited. So right now, we've been going for 10 minutes plus the four minutes from before.

I think we're good. Okay. I think we're good. Live brainstorm. Hi, it's Sarah in London. And Bridget in London. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our

jammies. Buongiorno! Brian's taken six steps to the west. He's gone deeply. Adam West, good on you, mate. Jemma, thank you. Michaela Sutton, Chloe Dawson, Devin P and Jacksoner. Honestly, we love you so much. Thank you very much for being part of the Patreon.

We can't do it without you. There's no way that we'd be still here. There's no way we'd have multiple franchisees. It's just crazy stuff. In our defence, Australia is so far away from anything else and any other countries and we're our own island country. The fact we're in a place that has other places near it, we just can't handle it.

The thrill of being so near another country is really like, it makes me feel a bit like, ooh, it's like when I was in Albury-Wodonga. I was like, ooh, New South Wales, Victoria. I love each one. So pretty much England is a border town. Yes, I have heard that. Yeah. My sister Libby, her husband.

Oh, sorry. There's a bit of fucking turkey journey here. Okay. My sister libby yep her husband so my brother-in-law yep his sister yeah fuck this but this better be good he has a husband like works for the un yeah in geneva and their like local supermarket is in france oh because they have to duck over the border but well because they're like right on the on the on the border town yeah but like it's not only a border it's a country border sorry what'd you call me and so it's not just like running from like vic so i need their passport to get milk so yeah i've said that was what i said and jason goes

i don't know that's what i asked too but i didn't get an answer yeah um but isn't that interesting yeah oh fuck it is it is that's i told sophie that in the car the other day. She seemed really interested. Yeah, because she is great at that. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right, let's move on. Her job is to keep you happy and to tell you you're funny. Watch this. Sophie, do your line.

Do the thing that you do. Do your line. Say the line. Hang on. I'm live panelling. I can't turn your microphone on while we're recording. I'll walk over with the microphone. And everyone, you can see if you want to be a producer,

this is the kind of performance you need to be able to give. I've walked over to Sophie. Say the line. Oh, my God. That was so funny. She was doing that to you. Actually, I'm going to stand for this because... Oh, my God.

Don't I feel like you're about to do a tie five. Yeah. It's like I'm doing stand up here in the Airbnb, which is I think still in England, depending on the wind. Don't go too far over though. It's on the border. Fucking hell. I nearly so... Fucking hell. I nearly lost a coffee there.

You're really playing fast and loose with the open drinks policy. For years and years on the Tony and Ryan podcast, I have introduced myself, Ryan, the vice captain of the ship, and I've introduced best-selling author, Dr. Tony Lodge. I feel like we may have been lied to because people can say things and try stuff, but it's only when those things are tested and an opportunity to be proven that we can know if they're true or not. On the plane flying over here, there was a delay in taking off. plane flying over here there was delay in taking off and the flight attendant goes like you like in the movies like you would assume the flight attendant goes ladies and gentlemen there is a

slight delay we have a medical emergency is anyone a doctor and i went oh yes there is i actually work with the doctor she's sitting uh just across the aisle from me poor man's business um and so as soon as they said that i went and i look i look over at tony who's already staring back at me going don't you fucking say a fucking thing and then almost as if they were mind readers or maybe they knew we were on the plane and we're like silly billies, then they make another announcement. Dung, dung, dung. Another announcement. Any medical professionals?

They go, we fucked around and found out with this before. Let's change what we said. Can you do the sound of dung, dung, dung. Did anyone on the plane tick the doctor box on their Maya One card? Please press the button and identify yourself. Because we would love some loyalty information for the Maya One card. What I thought was a split second, as soon as I heard the word doctor, my eyes darted to Tony. And when I looked to Tony, it was like she was already mid-sentence

telling me to shut the fuck up I was already there in my mind like if you fucking if you so much as move an inch lovely lady over here and the flight and obvious it ends up being fine we took off two minutes later so I'm

not sure actually what happened but I'm guessing the person's fine because we took off and didn't hear anything else about it. And it was like a nine-hour flight or something. So, like, you would have heard about that again. Surely. You know, they would have just, like, obviously everything was fine. Or maybe the opposite.

Maybe they just died and they're like, okay. And they're like, well, everyone's already on. But, like, it all ended up being fine. But they, like, flight attendants, all all of them walking down the aisles like looking at everyone to like double check your doctor and so it was actually a really intense moment where i'm like trying not to piss my pants but also being very mindful that like we didn't know what was going on but being like you don't you fucking say a word because i'm gonna lose it if someone is having a real medical episode it's probably not the time for us to make a doctor's gag and absolutely isn't and just in that moment

i went i trust ryan with my life but i don't know that i trust him with this delicate moment like do you know what i mean i was ready to go yeah i'm not i hadn't played through the i hadn't thought about the fact that someone was actually in need of medical attention. I just went, oh, here we go. Yeah, and because you kind of hear it like as a thing like that doesn't happen. Like that's never happened to me before. That's surprising as a doctor. Like in the movies, you know, but it really happened and we were like, holy shit.

Holy shit. Now, Tony might not have been able to help that poor innocent person on the plane. Yeah, I think they're fine. We took off shortly after. However, I have witnessed Tony be the most selfless person in the world. Yeah. A generous, not only a generous lover, but a generous human.

Well, I just have, like, we've been walking around a lot in London, where we are, fancy women. We've been walking around a lot like filming a lot of stuff and i've realized something about tourists tourists these days that like from back in the daylight everyone's walking around with like a film camera or whatever now everyone's like walking around with their phone and they're like taking selfies in front of stuff there's all these like people either like couples or people traveling alone or whatever and they're just reaching out and doing the selfie yep i've realized that as like a smiley trustworthy face

the most generous self-appointed well this is the thing of like um i've got one of those faces yes if people trust me with their stories they're gonna trust me with their stories, they're going to trust me with their phone. Which is interesting because you trust me with my stories, but you don't trust me with your phone. Exactly right. And I've realized that the most selfless thing that I can do while seeing people trying to take an awkward holiday selfie is go, did you guys want me to take a snap a photo of you guys for you? And everyone goes, oh, that would be awesome.

Do they all say that they they actually do they're always very grateful um and so i've like kind of gotten into a bit of a habit where i'm like watch me be a fucking hero like like here we go i know and so i'm thinking this is like the most selfless deed and i said this to ryan the other day he's like yeah so the thing about it being selfless is that you like don't get anything out of it. And I was like, well, the other thing about it is that it's also a power move. Let me tell you why. When you say to people, do you want me to snap a photo of you?

And they go, oh, my God, that would be awesome. And then they see Ryan and I together. They go, do you want me to take a picture of you and your husband? And I go, no, no thank you and walk away and i didn't realize that obviously i'm like no i don't want you to touch my phone i'm not the kind of i'm not the kind of loser that would give my phone to you you stupid bitch but i will take your phone oh yeah you can trust me with your phone but don't you dare touch mine and i realized that i've accidentally like, doing this around the world. Yeah, you've been power playing people.

Nowhere safe. These, like, beautiful young families or these, like, gorgeous old couples that I'm, like, being, like, oh, do you want me to take one of you guys? So it's not just, like, a weird selfie. And, yeah, so it turns out it's actually not the self-esteem that I thought that it was, but I'm still going to keep doing it. Okay. And I would just like to add but I'm still going to keep doing it. Okay. And I would just like to add. It's my gift to the world. For us to walk a hundred, is it St. James's Park,

which is that park at Buckingham Palace? I don't know what it's called. It's big. Oh, okay. No, that's not Hyde Park. No. That's in Paddington. It's next door, sort of, but yeah.

Oh, is it? I just sounded hell dumb, I think. Yeah. Oh, a bibbidi-bibbidi-bibbidi. We walked 100 metres through- Breaking news, Tony. Sounds fucking stupid. Is that the old tower I can see?

No, that's the fan in our living room. Sorry, I just need to look up on the map. Map. Like, I'm actually embarrassed. Oh, my God. Map chat. So, we're standing on the map. Like, I'm actually embarrassed. Oh, my God. Map chat. So we're standing on the balcony last night and there's all of these lights off in the distance. Oh, this is embarrassing.

And I start crying. And Ryan and Sophie are like, oh, my God, what is going on? And I was like, oh, my God, you guys, that's the lights of Taylor Swift at Wembley Arena. And Sophie's like, oh, my God, how cool. Like, fully gets on my level. Like, doesn't even question it. Like, he's such a supportive, like, babe of a friend. And Ryan goes, oh, Tony, yeah, that is beautiful.

Wembley's the other direction. Yeah. I cried over a concert. I don't even know what that was. It was Andre 3000. No, it wasn't. Stop telling people that. It was just one guy.

Ryan's heard of one performer and he's really fucking dining out on it. It was one guy with one stick of dynamite and Tony's like, that's Taylor Swift. No. It's just a guy in a pub with a lighter. But I literally like got emotional and, you know, we've been travelling a lot, doing a lot of stuff. I'm like emotional crying over these lights in the distance.

Ryan's like, yeah, babe, that'd be lovely if Wembley wasn't the other fucking direction. We're in East London looking further east at the place that is west, apparently. Manifesting that for myself, obviously. Yep, all good. All good, though. All good. I can confirm it is St. James's Park. So, 100 meters we had to walk through St. James's Park and it took us I'd say 45 minutes because Tony took 87 photos.

And the thing about a selfless task is that you're not supposed to get anything out of it. Yeah. But what Tony gets out of it is going, aren't I so great? Aren't I so selfless? It's not about me at all. It's about them and that's how great I am. I also don't hate the breaks in walking.

Yeah. It was a hot day. It was a hot day. It was a hot day. You do a hot day. It was a hot day. You do a bit of a hoof and then you go, oh, I'll stop and take a photo of this beautiful young family. Oh, these old people are really struggling with that selfie. I'll take a break.

Yeah. You know, I should start charging people. You should. Oh, was that another bird? The birds are coming. The birds are literally coming. We mentioned St. James's Park and the pelicans are like, let's do it. Yeah.

They want us to come round. Yeah, take a photo. But you are a selfless person, Tony Lodge, and the world thanks you for your personality and photography skills. I appreciate that. I've got a You Love to See It here from Jordan Alcock, who sent this through on our Patreon. And to her.

Jordan says, I've got a Tapa in the Wild story. I was making you and Ryan my screensaver on my laptop in my Cert 4 mental health class. Cute. That should be its own. You love to see it. That should be an elective. No, the screensaver thing.

No, making Tony and Ryan such should be an elective when you're learning about mental health. Oh, yes. They go hand in hand. And another person in my class said, wait, isn't that Tony and Ryan? And said, yeah yeah it's my favorite podcast and it was hers as well uh so jordan says now me and tegan have become really good friends and bonded over our love of the podcast that is lovely you love to say you love

to see that so sweet there are a few stories at the party where they met people in the line like i know you from work or you're my my friend my daughter's school teacher. Yeah. I didn't know you were also a tarp up. And they were from like an hour and a half away. Yeah. Like they weren't close by, but they both happened to come on the date. Yeah, crazy. I've just sent you a little video, team. Oh, yes.

And it doesn't require audio. Great. But it's a video of there's two dogs that live in this house and one of them needs insulin because the dog has diabetes, a poor old fella. Oh, poor little boy boy so he has to get a daily little shot but the other dog he doesn't want to feel left out so the mama gives the shot to the diabetic dog and then just has like a little stick and gets the other dog to come over and he she just like taps it on his back because see how he's like oh hang on he's wandering i'm watching Wander over. Oh, yeah, my turn, Mum. Oh, and it's literally a pen.

Oh, and she goes boop. Oh, my God, that's so sweet. And then rubs it because you know you've got to rub after it hurts a little bit, so it just gives a little rub. Oh, do you reckon that the dog that has diabetes is like fucking, I've got diabetes. Like, can I have one fucking thing? Yeah, I'm going through it over here and old mate's getting a rub.

I just want some fucking attention. Yeah. You know? I got diabetes for some attention in this house. Yeah, I don't even have diabetes. I've been lying to everyone. I've been copping this insulin this whole time. That's very sweet.

It's very cute. And how caring of the mum. Yeah. Just to be like, oh, yeah, like you as well. You as well, sweetie. All good. That's so sweet. Thank you so much for listening today and dealing with us because we're in an Airbnb

and I don't know how the show's going. How are they going? No, they're great. Are we doing good, Soph? Yes. Great. She's so good at lying. Yeah, see?

See? Yeah, she's producing again. All right. Love you and we'll chat to you tomorrow. Yeah, love you. We've got to talk to you about an English outing that occurred. Love you.

Love you, bye.