Toni and Ryan - The Loudest Moan

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

A couple of Normal or Nah's, and the best thing to happen to the bedroom since 1000 thread count sheets: Toni Lodge. Love ya! Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hi, is that Keith? Yeah, this is Keith. It's Tony and Ryan calling from Australia. Hello. This is good, I'm good. How are you? We're well, Keith.

Oh, my God. Are you from St Cloud in Minnesota? Yeah,'re well, Keith. Oh, my God. Are you from St. Cloud in Minnesota? Yeah, it's freezing here. Oh, my God. Because that's where Marshall is from in How I Met Your Mother. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I tell you, it's wicked. Yeah. You know, I had this thing I wanted to, I had planned, but I can't remember because I'm not at home right now. I'm driving. But it was things you can say when approving a podcast and things you can say in the bedroom. Oh, I like that.

Did you have any good ones? I did. I can't remember what they were. Oh, sorry, Keith. We ruined your jokes. Oh, no. I've actually got something you can say whilst approving a podcast and also in the bedroom.

Oh, what is it? Hey, Tony, you ready to go? Oh. Can you say yes so that we can get started? Yeah. Hey, consent is important. It is. It is.

Keith, I feel like we've just stolen. Have you pressed record? Keith, I feel like we've just stolen your punchline. I'm so sorry. Well, you know, at least you feel good. So that's all that matters, right? Yes. And can I just put it on the record that Keith is one of the original tarpers,

one of the OGs, one of the first ones. Oh, Keith, thank you. Oh, no problem. And, Tony, I sent you a couple of messages before, too. We were chatting on Instagram for a while. first ones. Okay, thank you. Oh, no problem. Tony, I sent you a couple messages before too. We were chatting on Instagram for a while. I don't know if you remember. But I said, if you're ever in Minnesota,

you probably get so many, I'm sure you get so many messages, you know. She's very popular and famous and a celebrity in Australia now. Are you guys done? One of many. I think I remembered one. It was, since you guys are recording this, can I get a copy of it? It was something like that.

I don't remember. It was probably really funny, though. You're the expert. I'll just follow your lead. Well, Keith, hang on. How about so that you get the punchline, we will ask you if we can get started on today's podcast, then you say that joke again and we'll laugh. Okay, you ready? And that's how we'll get into

it today. Oh God. Okay. All right. Is everybody ready? I'm ready. Hey Keith, we're about to get started today. Do you mind approving this podcast? We're about to get started today. Do you mind approving this podcast? Yes. Oh, God, I just messed it up. I'm sorry. All of a sudden I just blanked.

I just blanked. Here we go. Here we go. Take two. And Tony, go. Don't you hate it when they shoot blanks? Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

This normally doesn't happen, I promise. All right, all right, take two. I've got stage fright. Hey, Keith, we're about to get started today. Do you mind approving this podcast? Yeah, since you guys are recording this, do you think I can get a copy? Yeah! Hey, it's Keith from St. Cloud, Minnesota, and I approve this podcast. It's Wednesday, Wednesday, doing the pod on Wednesday.

Everybody's listening to Tony and Ryan. I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who watched the YouTube video of us having the gingerbread reindeer decoration. Yes, it was not a gingerbread house. Don't bring it up. Someone just commented, Tony's was fabulous. Ryan, thanks for turning up. But hang on.

Does it help if somebody also commented Ryan, the Santa hat and the hair, and they thought you looked really sexy? Yeah, no, that did bring me back. Does that help? It does. I said that to you on the day as well. I know. Don't know if it made the final cut. I don't watch the videos. Don't you? Why not?

Mate, when you know gold, you don't need to say it twice. Turn it up. But go and check out that video if you'd like not? Mate, when you know gold, you don't need to say it twice. Turn it down. Turn it down. Go and check out that video if you'd like to. Please, because it helps us. Tony Lodge. Even if you don't like it, could you just like it? I don't know if you know this, but you have inspired a new move

in not only a bedroom, but bedrooms. What? Your antics and behaviour and vibe and passion. Vibe. Has made someone change what they do in the bedroom. No, it hasn't. I'll share that story with you soon. I mean, I'm just tingly just thinking about it.

Yeah, me too. God, I'm going to start moaning. Well, it's funny you mention that. I need to find a new name for, I need to find a fake name for this person. Okay. Is there a last name that sort of sounds like asshole or butt? Cut? Kimona Cut.

Oh. Oh, that sounds awful. Oh, that was a bit naughty. It took us a few seconds as well yeah let's call it kimono cut no actually that's not we can't we can't what about um kimono back yeah okay okay kimono back has got a story i'll get to that shortly. Okay, great. But before that, this is quite a sexy little episode. Who planned this? Yeah, you did. Everything all right at home, mate?

Tis the season. Apparently it isn't. So I just need to come into this, no pun intended, podcast studio to get. Don't spit on the desk, mate. Oh, mate, sorry for fucking enjoying myself. I'll just go fuck myself. Normal or nah, being naked in front of your pets. I will often maybe run from the bathroom to the bedroom

and Bridget will literally cover our dog's eyes. Because your dog is like your BFF. Yeah. Like ride or die bitch. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm fine with a bit of naked, but I don't overdo it. Bridget covers his eyes.

Okay, yeah. But if they walk in when you're doing like the hippity-dippity, instantly no. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Sure. This is the worst joke ever.

One day the dog walked in and was like, oh, that's my style. Bridgette is going to hate that you've said that. It was a joke. She's going to hate that you've said that. I know you have met my dog, Bronson. Yep. We get along great. You guys do get along great.

We always have a great chat, yep. And when you call me, I put you on loudspeaker and I'm like, say hi to BJ and then his ears prick up. Yeah, because I go, hi, BJ, and then he goes. Auntie Tony. Yeah. What do you think? My family actually calls me Toddy.

Really? So I'd prefer that. Do you like that? My nephew, actually, who I love more than basically anything in the world. More than me? Yeah. Oh, he doesn't make me as much money, so maybe not. And he won't let me follow him on Instagram.

He's very cool. Oh. Yeah. But when he was born, oh, my God, so cute. I actually want to cry thinking about it. We talked about babies yesterday. Yeah. He's like 16 now, so he's like way beyond baby.

But he was like the first baby I ever knew, like watched grow up. Anyway, so when he was learning how to talk, he couldn't say Tony and he said Toddy. And now our whole family calls me Toddy. That's cute. And it was only a couple of years ago that my brother was like, oh, yeah, like Tony's coming over to Perth or whatever. And he was like, who is Tony?

Is that like a nickname? Who's this person you keep talking about? Yeah, he thought my name was Toddy, but they called me Tony as a joke. Yeah, which is quite cute. Who would call someone Tony on purpose? It's fucking shit. So I agree. Your parents, mate.

Yeah. Anyway, sorry. Back on track. Lena Scott says normal, but definitely not in the room for sexy time. That's weird. Is it? Because your dog is like your child. Is it kind of would be the same thing like if you're like say you had a toddler

or whatever and they were like, Mom, Dad, like where are you? You'd instantly be like, oh, fuck, like. No, don't come in. Well, don't come in but like, oh, we're coming out. Hang on. Like we're just hanging out washing or something boring. Yeah. Is it the same with your pet?

I think so. Because he doesn't need to see that. He doesn't want to be scarred for life. But he doesn't know. Well, that's what someone else said. They said they don't know the difference. It's like this human thing that we've created and we've decided that you're not allowed to see this.

But it doesn't stop Bridget. Bridget literally dived across the couch and covered BJ's eyes with her hands and she's like, don't do that, you'll poison his eyes. Oh, that's over the top. Kate Marie says, I can't when I've just adopted them because they're like strangers. But after they've seen everything and after a while, they're actually nice to keep your company in the bathroom.

If you know you're going to be sitting there for a while, it's good to have some company. By the way, Ryan, the bathroom is where toilet paper is used, not towels. She's got a point. Some people's toilet is in their bathroom, so you could be using both at the same time, like their hairdresser. It was both.

Both were in the one room. Pet owners are weird. I love animals and I would love a dog. I would love a dog. I would love a dog. But imagine sitting there and going, oh, when you've just adopted them, they're a stranger. When you get to know them, it's fine. Like I find that just like so tedious and annoying to listen to.

Spoken like a true non-pet owner. See, this is what people say. Oh, you don't have kids. You don't have pets. You don't understand. You don't understand. I fucking, I work hard, okay? I'm busy.

So if you're saying that you met a dog that was going to become your dog. Yeah. You would be like, you know everything about each other and there wouldn't be any kind of courting or getting to know each other. It's a fucking dog. No foreplay from you, mate. You're just straight in. It's a fucking dog.

You don't sound like you need to be a dog owner with that kind of attitude. They're not just a fucking dog. They're your best friend. Yeah, but like, they don't, you don't you get to know them in other ways. I think the nudity is a dog is naked all the time. No, he's covered in fur. No, but it's naked. It's not wearing any clothes. It's wearing fur.

Is the dog embarrassed that it's naked? It's wearing a fur coat at all times. Have you ever taken a dog's collar off and gone, you're naked? Yeah, so when BJ doesn't have his collar on, we call him Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. Yeah. Because I'm like, hey, Bridget, I don't know where BJ is. I think I lost him.

And she's like, what? I'm like, but I found this other dog. Hey, Rudy! And then he comes running in without a collar and we both laugh. Oh, the times we have. We're so funny. That sounds great. I'll stay at my house both laugh. All the times we have, we're so funny. That sounds great. I'll stay at my house though.

All good. Anyway, continue. Pets. Amy Foster. Around my dog being naked, totally fine because my dogs, like all dogs, are very body positive. Dogs are body. That's fair.

My cats, absolutely not. They're judgy as fuck. That's a great point, actually. That is so true. And finally someone said it. You can imagine that a cat being like, oh, hit Christmas a bit hard. Do you know what I mean? Like you get the vibe from that cat.

You've got to finish that. Yeah. All in one meal. Yeah. You're not going to save something for lunch. Some people eat that across the whole week. You know, cats are like that. Oh, just for one.

Oh, okay. I agree with that yeah no me too dogs are body positive i'll give you that actually yeah yeah so you're saying normally i just don't care because you're anti-dog people i'm not anti-dog people no i'm not i just found that incredibly to me. That was so rude. I think it's normal. I think it's fine. But I probably wouldn't have sex with my animal in the room, no. Thank you. I think that's probably a nah. Do you guys strictly no nudity, no sex with animals in the room?

No, no, no. What's wrong? I'm sad that you found me talking about dogs tedious. No, I didn't. Oh, we're going to have a fight. Who's the love of your life? Torbs. Oh, Torbs again.

Oh. See how it feels. Let me just write a quick note. Where did you live? America. Yeah, we fucking get it. Let me just write down, don't bring up cute animal pet chat with Tony.

She is a pet Grinch. I am not a pet Grinch. Tell me your favourite pet pastime. My favourite pet pastime? What do you mean? See, you don't even know. No, but. Grinch!

No. I love pets. I do love pets. Let's move on for your sake. Oh, okay. Tell me about old mate. I wanted to say something nice about someone in the group, but then it actually turned out to not be nice

and I don't really understand it. And maybe this is actually also a normal honour, not a naked honour. Zach Smith posted in our Facebook group, that is Tony and Ryan Facebook. No. That is Tony and Ryan Podcast on Facebook. You can join it.

Zach Smith posted that he and his partner went to go get a parmigiana in my honour after I got served the baked snail. Yes. Do you remember this, obviously, for anybody that wasn't around? I'd had a very long, hard day. Ryan and I went to the pub for dinner. I got very excited about my chicken parmigiana. They brought me over an eggplant parmigiana and I questioned them

and they said, this is what you ordered. I checked on my phone. It is, in fact, what I had ordered and I had to eat a baked snail. It was very upsetting. It rattled you. You were a mess for days. It opened up a wider conversation as well, didn't it? Anyway, so Zach has posted, oh, I went to get a parmigiana

in Tony's honour. I'd been talking about it. He's like, fuck yeah, that sounds great. Is that a nice thing to do? Yeah, I thought it was really nice and because I'm reminding people that a parma is like a great thing to eat all around the world. The parmigiana was served on noodles. What?

I know. What? I know. So normally what would be on it? So in Australia, as far as I know, all around Australia, you would get a parma with chips and salad on the side. Chips and salad. Sometimes maybe 5% of the time just a salad.

Maybe the chips are optional. But the salad, chips and parma. And sometimes the parma is on top of the chips. Sometimes it's to the side and it's all going to find a little section. I prefer it to the side. Okay. Yeah. I like it all on its own bit.

Okay. But. Noodles. Where was this? In Australia? No. Well, I'm guessing it was in hell. Well, I didn't know that many other countries did a parma.

But, yes. For starters. And then on noodles. I know. Was that just like, oh, do you want that on mashed chips or noodle? Or did he specifically go in there and go, hey, champion? Well, it was like a bowl. Well, I don't know.

But it was like a bowl of, like, pasta with, like, the fucking parmigiana on the top. It's a no from me. Well, normal or nah, fucking nah. Nah. Nah. Yeah. Go back to hell.

Hell. Hey, it's Keith from St. Cloud, Minnesota, and I approve this podcast. Tomorrow, the last tarARP episode of 2021. That sounds sad, doesn't it? I mean, we'll be back on Monday. Yeah. But it's the last episode in the season finale. Should we call it a season finale?

Can do. Should I get a drone? Sure. But should we do it tomorrow? Not today, because it's tomorrow. Could do. All right. On the season finale of the Tony and Ryan podcast,

Tony and Ryan will be discussing the girl who shat in the weird place in the workplace. That's actually true. Grace Jones has an awful story. Oh my god. No wonder people listen to this podcast. And a final tally of the Patreons

will not happen according to Tony Shaking Head. Of course, it's not next year yet. That'll be on season two on Monday. That's how we can't let you have the drone, because you get confused. I got excited.

You get excited by all the buttons, and then you say the wrong thing. See? You get confused by the buttons, and then you feel trapped, and you just play things. Thanks for coming in today, guys. I'm sorry, I got carried away. I'll calm down.

I just got excited by Come On or Ask, this story we're about to read. I know. But quickly, before we come on or ask, just a quick thank you for all of our champion tapas. Well, just a few. Jack Cameron, Renee Dobson, Emma Fucker, The Big Deal and Joshua Button. Thank you so much. Josh Button. Yeah, but The Big Deal Fucker, The Big Deal, and Joshua Button. Thank you so much.

Josh Button. Yeah, but The Big Deal as well. The Big Deal. Yeah, don't know where she's been. Merry Christmas, Big Deal. No. Last week. No.

Happy New Year. No. Nah. Yeah, all right. I'll send her a message. I like The Big Deal. Privately. Yeah, wish her and her girlfriend, wife, are they married?

I'm not sure. We need to catch up with the big deal. That's fine. We've got to catch up. We've got to go get coffee. Yep. All right. Tell me about coming on me ass.

Her name is Carmona. Let's just call her Carmona. Oh. I was listening to the episode where Tony. Is this like a message that she sent? Yeah. Okay, great. Carmona says.

Yes. I was listening to the episode about Tony getting turned on by the people doing the hippity-dippity in the apartment upstairs. I have never heard you say hippity-dippity. You've said it twice in this episode. But I like it. I think it's. It's very you.

Is that an insult? No. Oh, I didn't mean it as one. I think it's from Adam Sandler. I think it's like Happy Gilmore or something. Yeah, it is I think. Yeah. Yeah Sandler. I think it's like Happy Gilmore or something. Yeah, it is, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Trust you. I'm just the butter to your bread. I liked the use of the term hippity-dippity. The other day when we were in the car, I used the term lassay fair and you really liked that. That's a business term. It is.

Someone's done U10 business studies? I didn't. We had this conversation. Yeah, and it was as equally fun as it is now. All right, carmona. Carmona. We had this conversation. Yeah, and it was as equally fun as this now. All right, Carmona. Carmona. Carmona lean. Come on my arse.

Come on my tits. Fucking hell. I've lost it today. Yeah, it's a – can we say that it's 8.30 p.m. right now? Yeah, we're recording this late. It's the festive season. It's late. Yeah, we've had a few. It's the festive season. It's late. Yeah, we've had a few fucking champers.

Yeah, but what am I drinking over there? Let's not talk about that. It's not important. But it's 8.30pm. Brian's fucking, he's hitting the deck. We're talking about come on or ass. Let's go. One time this girl and I, says Kimona, booked a hotel room

and we were having a few glasses of wine, watching a movie before having some sexy time, a little staycation, something a little bit nice. Have you ever done something like that? Like a sexy staycation, like in a hotel? Yeah. You know that it's. I like a staycation. But you know that you're in the hotel room for.

For a reason. Yeah. I don't think we've ever done that. Not you and I. Because we have. I don't know if I've ever done it. We're in a hotel now. All of a sudden we start hearing these weird noises

from the room next to ours. Nice. I turned down the TV just to make sure no one was getting killed. That's why I turned my TV down. We realised it was a woman moaning and this girl, a woman moaning, and the girl I was with was getting super turned on by it. And they were, according to Kamona, not sure if that was like kosher. They're like, I'm a bit turned on but is that weird for me to admit?

I understand. I've been through the exact same. So Carmona goes, well, on the Tony and Ryan podcast they talked about this and it turns out it's quite normal. Oh, my God, we helped someone. So you greenlit Carmona. Get a Carmona on her friend here. Oh.

So then we start going at it, says Carmona And we start making some moans of our own Then you kind of heard the moans from next door quiet down for a second As if they sort of stopped and went, hang on, is someone out? Where can we hear? And then next door's gone, oh, well, we can't be outdone by them, so we're going to go a bit louder. And then the girl who Carmona's, and Carmona's like a little bit,

she's like, this is hot, but like I'm not doing it loud because it's embarrassing for me. Yes, yep. And the girl next door and the girl Carmona was with were going back and forth to see who could be the loudest in what can only be described as a moan off. A moan off. And they were going back and forth to see who could get to loudest in what can only be described as a moan off. A moan off. And they were going back and forth to see who could get to the point

where they were both just screaming. Oh, but were they, but was it still good? Like, or were you just going like, for the sake of it? I had the best time, says Carmona. Oh, okay. Whenever she would moan louder on the other side of the world, why can't I talk? I'm really turned on by this.

Yeah, me too. Whenever she would moan on the other side of the wall, the girl I was with would go louder and go back and forth. I was super embarrassed at first, but then I got really into it and it was one of the best nights I've ever had. And it's all thanks to Tony Lodge. No one's ever said they've had the best night with me, thanks to me, so I really appreciate that.

No one? None. I say that to you every time. That's a great story. Holy fuck. Quiz get some cold water to the tarp studio? Yeah. Put the tarp down, tell you what.

Wow, okay. What do you love to see? I feel like you're stalling. This story has gone a little bit viral. A woman has shared her classic Aussie hack to make shoes after being refused entry to the pub for having no shoes on. So she's gone up to the bouncer, gone like, yep, just want to come in from a parma that isn't on noodles.

They've gone, mate, you can't come in with no shoes. She's gone out to her car and found some black lecky tape and taped herself, I'm just showing you here, a pair of thongs. Just out of tape. So it looks like there's straps, like shoe straps, over the top of her feet just with tape. By the way, in Australia, thongs are what we call flip-flops.

Flip-flops, yes. Oh, sorry, she didn't put a G-string on the tape. God, free wax, isn't it? And she's taped these, like, shoes on with tape. God, free wax, isn't it? And she's taped these, like, shoes on and then walked back in and he's gone, yep, great, babe, like, go straight through. You'll love to see that. That is genius. Oh, just Australian culture,

isn't it? Tony, you and I went to a smash room last week and Tony rocked up with no shoes. Oh, I fuck with. I did not even think about it. I rocked up wearing like Doc Martin like chunky sandals. Yeah. And we were like, oh, cool, we'll go through. And I was like, hey, I've worn open toe shoes.

Is this all good? And they were like, nah. She had to wear my shoes. I wore these like old shoes from Ryan's car. And they looked way too big for you. You look like a clown. Yeah, thank you. Hey, this is fantastic.

So someone named Kaylee, she is a nurse and she works at the Austin or somewhere down the road here. And there must be a Facebook group that's like people that work in hospitals. Oh, yeah. So she just moved to the area, got a job at the Austin. And she said, hey, I just moved to the area. Where's the best place to get scrubs? And Raymond's replied, on the passenger side of your best friend's ride.

I don't know why, I just could not stop laughing. That is very funny. And she's like, ha ha, but seriously. I love it when people ask a question in a Facebook group and someone puts like a smart ass answer and they go, and you can tell that they're fucked off by it. But that one's so funny. I love that. You'll love to see that.

You'll love to see that. Who, TLC, right? TLC, yeah. I'm just going to have, do you reckon I can find that song in the system because I'm obsessed with pressing buttons in this radio studio? Yeah, I think you definitely could. No, I can't find it. Okay.

All right. Good chat. Good chat. Well, that's okay. But tomorrow we're going to talk about another bad first date and we're also going to talk about what we love to see for the year. The year you love to see it. Yeah.

So have a think about what you've loved to see this year and we're going to talk about it tomorrow on the podcast. We'd love for you guys to talk about it in our Facebook group on the thread tomorrow because it's been a big year. Been a big year. Yeah, it deserves it. Is there anything you'd love to see more than hearing about Carmona moan in your honour?

No, and I'm going to think about that later as well. Too much. Put a top down. I was thinking about a meow and all I can think about is the word pussy. And that's... We can't end the podcast for me, so. See you tomorrow. Calm you now.

She fucking was purring. Tell you what. Shut the fuck up. I'm crying. I can't deal with this. I don't think we can do tomorrow's episode. Put me to bed. We'll have a moan off.

Put you to bed. Oh, no, thank you.