Toni and Ryan - The Most Ridiculous Licenses in the World

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Australian Licenses - Really ruining punchlines - Expensive Drinks - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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audible.ca little warning you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay that's fine totally fine in the UK you need a license to but how do they police it what a waste of time in Ireland you need a license to What? Any guesses what Australia is? It's that lucky Pnearsons. Sorry, is that you gag? Oh, sorry.

I'm Catherine from Shaleftio in northern Sweden. Hi, this is Eric Nichols from Pittsburgh in the United States. I'm Jacqueline from Charlotte, North Carolina. And I approve this podcast. I'm actually not a city dweller Welcome to the show I'm still not ready to talk about the football Tony's wearing a Geelong t-shirt

Just to rub it in Just to rub it in I am actually I didn't realize I get to Tony's house this morning And she goes This is the longest I haven't swum for Which is true And that's actually a fair statement

But what's followed is, I think we're all moving to the beach. Yeah. So if you miss it, I've had surgery on my foot. Still in the moon boot. I'm not a city dweller. I'm a beach girl. Waiting on some advisory on how much longer I have to be in the boot for. If the surgeon fused that foot to the other foot, would you legally be a mermaid? And I would love that.

I would honestly get the super glue out. And you know how against super glue I am. You are so against super glue. So that's a huge call. And, but as you'll know from what's the website, Charles? Uh, Birx, by November.com. Uh, if you go to burksbynovember.com, uh, you'll see the countdown for my supposed Burke date.

Mm. Is it a birthday? That's pretty funny. Thanks. 37 days now. 37 days. 37 days. That's not far.

That's not far. That's literally now. And if you bought a house near the beach. Okay. So this is, yeah, this is where we're getting to. Then it would. And you did like 30 day settlement. Yeah.

You would be in burks and in like, in Berks by the ocean by November. That actually is maybe not emotional. I just think that I was not born to be in the city. I think that because where I grew up in Perth, in the suburbs, I was like, I need to like, you know how you kind of like overcorrecting? And you're like, I don't want to live far from the city. I need to live in the city, up the city's dick.

And then I did do that in Perth and in Bumbrey, in Sydney as well. And now then here. And now I'm just. I just, nah, I think I'm a, I was born to be near the sea. You're an ocean girl. I am. You don't live in the country? Oh, the lies.

Okay. No, I do. Do you remember when you and me and producer cam went to that open house in St. Kilda? Yeah. Oh, I loved that. Could see the bay. It's not the ocean. Tony doesn't think there's beaches in Melbourne because it's a bay.

It's a bay. It's not the same thing. But it's still seems. Andy, it still feels cool. Have you been down there on a warm summer's afternoon? The vibe is beachy. The vibe is high, but you just can't beat Kinkanda. Where is it?

Where are we moving? Kikanda. Kul Kanda. You can't beat it. This time of year, definitely not. I know that you've been a bit flat because you're stuck and landlocked. Thank you. To make it up.

Landlocked on your hammock. There's today's episode title. To make it up to you. I've been inspired by some viral TikTokers. And I thought I would present this next story with a prop. I love a prop. Do you though? You love a prop.

Okay. So don't look at it yet. And Charles just confirming am I on our camera and talking into a microphone? Yes, you are. So someone, it was Patrick. Hi, Patrick. He sent through a story and it got me thinking about different countries that do and don't do these things. Oh yeah.

So I would like. to present to you keep hanging keep your eyes closed my eyes are covered figuring out how I'm going to do microphone no no I'm good

I'm good I'm good we should have got you like a Madonna headset Tony I would like to present to you open your eyes things you need licenses for in different countries did you make that

I did make it all by myself with the help of Lily who made it all right so I actually have a bug boo about this because Lil has dropped that off and then had to go do real work, which is so rude. Yeah.

You used to ask me to do hearts and crap. Yeah, but I don't. So I was actually taking this quite hard. I'll be very honest. I was actually Natalie and Brulier about this because I was like, Tony's my go-to arts girl.

I'd be craft girl. But if you crafted this, then you would know what's under the flaps. And you know what I love should know what's under the flaps. And if there's anything I know about you. It's loving flaps. So can you see the predicament? I do, but do you know what's actually made me feel way better and now I feel fine?

To know you were torn about, to know that you went, oh, is actually enough. Can I actually ask? Can I actually ask a craft favour? Absolutely. Literally at all times. I just planned a whole baby shower for someone that I don't know because I've got nothing to do. Have I met what? Tim's sister, Amy, is having a baby.

and I did the whole baby shower from it was in Perth and I planned a he was shit for it because I was like I can order all the awkward like what am I you know so if you're first of all it's great to know that you're back mentally no I'm not well I was going to say if you've got stuff to do we've got a whole business over here

nah no no not really feeling up to me you're like Lily's gone off to do some real work yeah no I don't have that in me here oh all right so for those of you listening along from home oh wait what was the craft favor oh okay so you know how i've got my old degrees on the wall yeah i feel like it would be more fun if you because i'm like done oh i find out next week if i finish past my classes for my MBA that's actually really exciting so i thought it would be fun if you made me like instead of just those boring ones

that are like rind on done that a legitimate yeah like who fucking cares yeah can you make me like a real fun as fuck like paper like however you want to do it yeah but like and then we'll put it in the office there's my degree an NBA can stand for whatever the tarpers think is more appropriate okay I might take that on yeah yeah okay okay so for those of you playing along at home we've got a piece of card and then it says licenses and it's got different countries but it's covered for what you need a license for in those countries love it are you ready so is this So TARPATRIC said, can you believe? He's from Australia.

And his is the top one. All right. But then it got me thinking about what other TARPers are doing. So they've sent theirs through. Okay. In Canada, you need a license to sell maple syrup commercially. Really? Yep.

Should that come off? Oh. See, I wouldn't have used tape. You used blue tape. I would have used blue tape. When you ask someone to do your favour, you don't like. you do normally we'll go Lil can you do me favour and she goes yeah and then I go oh I wouldn't have done it like that you kind of got to let them yeah you know what I mean she's

not here yeah thank God yeah coach doesn't listen later uh in the UK you can't you need a license to watch colour television well explain yourself so you have to pay an annual fee to have colour TV. It's like $177 per year. If you have a black and white TV, it's only 140. But if you want colour, you've got to pay 170.

And that's a licence and a fee you need to pay every year to be allowed to watch colour television. So is that, but is that not just been like cable, like Fox towel or satellite TV or whatever? This is just for the colour TV. So free to air,

you have to pay 140 bucks. Or they don't call it free to air. It's licensed to air. Pay to air. yes sorry the look away yeah yeah it's comedy

that's very funny but isn't that just fucking crazy but how do they police it like or you just don't get the signal to your house or something next year let's go to London

yes we'll put on our and I know it's been a touchy subject for three years now about when I dressed up as a cop that time or we passed that well it ended up I had COVID remember it was fair

but I just didn't bring it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's okay. Ryan, um, dressed up as a cop on's at my door and I bawled. Um, but it turned out had COVID. Yeah, and it was an emotional, it just wasn't the right time for me to do a, uh, police dress up related. A prop based gag. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so why don't we get the police uniform out and we'll go door to door in London and go, do you guys have have a color TV? Show me a lot. And then go, can I say some paperwork? Well, what actually happens is that the BBC, like go around to, like, they have like an enforcement people that like go around to the houses to make sure that like you're watching so it's not police it's like we need a

suit and tie and a clipboard it's more like involved than that and they leave like a slip if you're not home saying we'll come back yeah so you've got to have your license and registration to have your colour TV on yeah and don't you reckon the people of london just love when a BBC comes around and knocks on the door what a fucking waste of time yeah so what are we paying for I guess Color TV. But why about that? You think colors are free? Just included in my taxes or some shit.

I was like, oh, is it like in Australia where, you know, a bit of your tax goes to the ABC? No, separate license. It's like a separate like payment. Do we got, oh, I don't know. We have gotten a letter from the council. It's a $5,000 bill from the council. What? Yeah.

And it's the approval. to like re-stump our house that we haven't applied for and like it's like you have to pay $5,000 for all these things happen to your house and we're like we haven't and it's like we've approved your permit and stuff but we're like we haven't we haven't applied for anything I'm going to have to call and be like is this a scam people that do the stumping from Nigeria it's a literal like from the prince of stump Houston he's died an inheritance you've Inheritin, all you need to do is pay a $5,000 stumping fee and this house will be on stilts. And wouldn't you love to see that?

You would? I'll need that down at the beach on stilts. Yeah, but you'll struggle here because you won't be able to get up and down. I won't be able to get up and down. I'll have to get a lift. But it's come on like, legit, like Darabin City Council, like led ahead and stuff. But it's like, yep, you've been approved, just pay five grand and then like, oh, and I saw it.

And I was like, what? I'm going to have to call them, which thanks for that. Oh, call the council. Jesus, like literally see you in three weeks. So that's why we're going to move to the beach. So I don't have to deal with that. We'll just move. So my mate, Vicky, she, her like, growing up, it was like, well, she lives overseas now.

I've never heard you say that person. Because she's lived in, oh, my mate, Vic. Who's that? She's lived in Sweden since the time you've, we've known each other. Wow. You know, she does the shoes at H&M. You know, we've talked about her. Oh, Vicki.

Yeah. So in Montmorency, her house was a dirt road. Sorry. What a fall from Grace. She's in Sweden She goes, I'm going to move home to Montmorency.

No, she moved from Montmorenti to Sweden. It's a rise to Grace. It's a rise to grace. I'm going to move home. Going to move home. Leaving Sweden, I'm away back to Momrancy.

That's so funny. Montmorency is beautiful and so other people in it. It is beautiful place. So her street was a dirt road. And so her mom gets this letter one year. And it goes, congratulations.

The councilors are proved for this road to be made bitumen. What'd you call me? You stupid bitumen. Like, congratulations. You get to have a paved street now. You get to pay us 25 grand. Like, because everyone in the streets putting in 25 grand to lay the road.

And you can imagine what Vicki's mumps that said to that stupid bitumen that offered that. Holy shit. 25 grand. Yeah. Oh, my God. And who's got 25 grand line around? Yeah. And what a great, like you go, we've lived here 30 years.

Yeah, we've got used to it. We're fine. Do you know, we've got chipped in our windscreen and we don't mind. Yeah. Although if they've got that done, I can no longer do doughies out the front of her house, which was like a sick move when I was 18. Seems like, those. Yeah.

Well, she's not there anymore because she's in Sweden. So true. Yeah. Also, her partner's name is Victor. Vicki and Victor? Yeah. Oh, no one saw that coming. He goes, he goes.

it's so lovely to have you here in Sweden. She's like, Jenna come back to Montmorency and meet my family. Like, it's just like... He has been to Montmorency and has met the family. Oh, that's so funny. That's so funny to me.

That Montmorency is a place. No, no, no, no. Just like, the commute from Sweden to Montmorency. Like, it's just like, it's so funny to me. Charles, can you put into Google Maps Sweden to Montmorency? And let us know what they recommend, what route they recommend.

Only walking. and canoeing aloud. A little problem I don't know how to spell Montmorency. You wouldn't. M-O-N-T. Yeah. Sounded out. M-O-R-R-N-C.

A-E-N-C-E-Y. E-Y. Oh, I don't know about that. I think that's just C-Y. It is just C-W-E-A. Thank you. Local. Yeah.

I love you. Land-Lot. It says, you need to fly from an airport near, are Montmorency such as Melbourne Airport Yep, that's fine And then what's the travel time from Sweden to Montmorency It's actually not coming up Because I don't think it's like something that most people Google

And because Sweden's not a place Like it's What's, yeah, there's Multiple Yeah How big Sweden? What's the population of Sweden as a whole? Let's all guess

I reckon 32 million Fuck no All right 12 No, you don't have changed what you said. You go. I reckon 32 million. What's the population of Sweden?

10.5.7. Oh, that's right. Pretty close. Was it 1.1. Yeah, I would have thought 31 was way too high. I don't know why I guess. What's the population of Montmorency? 32 million.

I'd say... 6,000. 22,000. 9,250. Um... Okay. Okay. How many people live in killed?

Kanda and add two more. Three more. Pippa. $578. Thousand. Oh. Holy shit. That's a lot of Mamaranci. Do you like to do the median age?

Yeah. I'm going to bring that average down soon. 55 years. That sounds lovely. That does sound lovely. 550 year olds. I know of my fourth book. And the average amount of

of people in the house is 2.2 people. Oh, and that would be right for us because Tom's and I and then Pippa. Pippa's a point two. She's just a point two. She's a point two. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. So on the board here, we've done Canada and the UK. We've got Ireland, the USA and Australia. But would you like a bonus French license?

I thought you'd never ask. In France, you need a license to sell cheese in markets. And thank God. Yeah. Because they should police that here. Yeah. Sometimes you pick a Camembert that you know's a brie. And that should be a briegel.

In Ireland. Take them into custody. They're in a real jam. I can't participate in this comedy because I don't know enough about cheese. Well, I've just named Cousin' Jam. So I think that I think we've moved away from. Yeah. In Ireland.

Have you ever been up north in Australia? Have you been to Quinceland? In Ireland. Yeah. You need a license to... Kill. Have a dog. What?

You need to apply for a dog license. It's that like your pen license. Sorry, is that your gags? Oh, sorry. I've just fucked your punchline, haven't I? Not mine, it's Patrick's. Oh. And imagine, like, naming something pretty unique to Australia,

knowing Australia is last on the list that you need a license for. Like, imagine just making that up. Yeah, imagine fucking that up for everyone. All right, let's go to America. Oh. Imagine I had a segment that was like, guess what the license is. Well, I didn't. Yeah, sorry.

No, sorry. Sorry. USA. USA. Going hunting. You need that in Australia also. Yep. Yep.

Very common. Any guesses what Australia is? Imagine if it wasn't. In Australia, you need a license to. have reptiles as pets do you I need to make some calls because I work with a fucking snake do you want me to ask but I'm on the phone to the Darabot City Council

because I'll already have been on it yeah or when I went to the zoo the other day with Mabel I did inquire about what's the deal with having giraffes as a pet yeah turns out like it's difficult and finally in Australia blah la la la la la la la la you need a license to use a pen yeah that's good a pen you do

now let me read this story from Patrick sorry Patrick the ultimate flex in Australian primary school was getting your pen license yes the students who got theirs first absolute king shit where were you in your class oh no I was like so I told this to Bridger earlier

because shit they didn't have it in New Zealand. Oh, what? Yeah, she's like, does everyone just like, uh, get them on the same day? And I was like, no. No, you have to earn it. Yeah, like, so the good handwriters, that'd probably be fun. And you're, oh, she's, I reckon Tony's, she's ready.

She might be like this week, she might, and me, I'm my handwriting shock. Oh, no, I was right at the end. I think towards November and you're like, fuck, am I going to go into grade five unlicensed? I'm pretty sure that they gave me mine as a pity. Because you, at our school, I don't know if you got, but you had your ELs. like you could like they gave you like an L to put on your desk and that meant that you were allowed to use it for some things oh so yeah it's getting some practice yeah um yeah but then like when you had your pen license like that was that was go time and you could write pen for anything

um but no i was really late they gave me a pity one i never got mine oh yeah are you saying that you're hauling pen illegally i move schools between year four and five oh and see that's a hard age to move schools. What's the best age? I don't think any. I think it's rough. Seven. You're going from like primary to high.

Going to high school. How will people go and Kilcunda? I think people will go well. Okay. Because that's not actually far from her holiday place. So true. Like it's actually not that far. We have to drive there quite far at the moment.

Patrick said I work with a lady named Nikki. She grew up in India and she'd never heard of this. She thought I was joking, but we went around the office and like asked everyone. Turns out our colleagues, we've got some from Brazil, Colombia, New Zealand and the UK, they'd never heard of it easy and it caused quite a stir in the office. Can I just say? That sounds like the best office to have a potluck in.

You imagine you have like a potluck dinner and everyone goes, oh, bring something that like my mum always made as a kid, you would eat the best food ever. Yeah, and the Colombian just brings a pound of cocaine. This is what we have back home all the time. Have you just watched an arc? or something. Pedro Pascal, that was like one of his first big rocks. I've never seen that.

It's great. Yeah. Did you know at the height of, who's the fucking gangster in that? Pablo Escobar. At the height of his reign, they had to spend a thousand dollars a week on elastic bands for the cash. Have a think about that. Every week they need to spend $1,000 on rubber bands, which can't be more than half a cent each. You probably buy a box of...

Well, remember, when we put all those rubber bands, just pop that watermelon. That all of those rubber bands... That was like $40. Really? For all, that huge bag of... So imagine that times a lot. 10, 20, 25,

yep, nice. For cash. Oh, yeah, because it's a quarter. A four? Not quite. No, the four's not related. No. Pam Marsons

I'll have like no one I'll be back after this I'm Catherine from Shaleftio in northern Sweden This is Eric Nichols From Pittsburgh in the United States Hi, I'm Jacqueline from Charlotte, North Carolina And you're listening to Tony and Ryan

Today's episode is brought to you by Audible And let me tell you Audubles' romance collection has something for every side of you We're talking modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chew and Ali Hazelwood, the latest Romanticy series from Sarah J. Maas and Devney Perry, Regency favourites like Pride and Prejudice, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Maybe you're into hockey hunks, or sexy billionaires, like Tony Lodge. Or, not that she's into it, she is a sexy billionaire. Or forbidden realms. Oh, and you know what I'm saying, a forbidden realm. Who needs one book, boyfriend, when you can have five, one in the city one on the hockey rink one with a sword and dragons your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible dot ca a little warning you may develop unrealistic expectations of real life people and that's okay that's fine totally fine this episode is sponsored by r bc and you know that feeling when you're not sure about how to get into the job market or you can see the future you want but you don't know how to get there absolutely it's tough out there it's tough

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A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tappers over at our Patreon. You love to see it. Thank you for being part of it. Thank you for watching all of our stuff. We love having you there. CJ, thank you very much. Tracy McGahn. Judy Hendrix.

Swiss off. You Swiss off. Oh, sorry. Grace Griffiths, good on you, Gigi. Dale Hoops, Danielle Bailey, Sierra, Emily Duncan and Kiara. Thank you. very much for being part of our Patreon. I am really sorry to big shout out to Patrick, who fucked his punchline just before,

didn't obviously mean to. Patrick Swabo. Yeah, sorry about that big part. That's all right. Sometimes we have some faux pass and that's okay. Oh, I don't. Sure. What's happened?

You'd seem a bit stiff now. I was just thinking about Patrick Swabo. Yeah, me too. Who wouldn't be stiff after thinking about that? Yeah, who wouldn't be? do you I know that right now we don't like we're just recording at my house we do have a real office at Tarp Tower but do you remember after we got kicked out of the KISS studios

and the first studio that we rented like our first little office space with Dill with Dill at Producey with Dill and Friends or it's now called Footy and Friends isn't it it's not called Dill and Friends anymore Oh it depends which episode you're talking about Oh I'm so sorry but I am aware that there's been a bit of a rebrand They're doing all their stuff but do you remember in their office how they had that big fridge full of the bobby cola yes oh my god so you know when like something comes into your mind and you just like can't stop thinking about it yeah so we're

allowed to drink the cola out of the bobby cola yeah yeah yeah yeah no that was that was fair game yeah yeah okay because i really polished yeah we gave it a red hot crack but because they're real moreish like you have one and yeah okay this is important to keep in mind okay because the other day somehow you met poppy the the taste of the passion fruit one yeah which tastes just like passiona yeah entered my mouth like you know when you have like a met this sounds a bit crazy but you know when you have like a memory or you get the taste of something or the smell of something in your nose and you're like oh like I haven't thought of that in so long I'm going to blow your mind yeah because I know that taste of the bobby passion fruit yes and the passion

owner yeah here is a hack for new players in the game why because you know how bridge and mabel have been a bit sick and so was I had no boy so you know we've been in the wars a little bit yeah so I was just in one of the you know how sometimes I like go shopping for the team and just get a bit fucking excited. Yeah, but I do the same because I think about all the little things I want to eat, but I just want to eat a little bit of everything. I didn't know what my favourite flavour of hydrolight was. I do.

It's the black current one. It's like the purple one. So I went and bought a mini one of every flavour. I love that. That's absolutely amazing. And let me tell you, Tony Lodge, the passion fruit, hydrolite, fucking goes off. Does it taste real good?

It's so good. And then I was like, Oh my God. Did you put that in with a soda stream? Then I was like, this kind of tastes like them bobby sodas. So I'm like, I'm going to soda stream up some stuff,

pour a tall glass and put the Passion Fruit hydrolyte in. What a treat. What a treat. You never need to leave the house. That's an amazing hat. Yeah. And I might need to borrow that because I got the taste of the Bobby passion fruit in my mouth. And I was like,

fuck we used to put those away like it was no one's fucking business yeah oh it's end of an episode yeah twist your arm yeah oh i'm just going the bathroom anyone once time what if i uh brought back some bobby colas yeah so we used to we used to drink so many of them but like the they obviously had a deal where like they would because it was like a branded fridge yeah so they obviously had a thing where it was like they were filling it up and maybe it was like a six month partnership or fuck you know yeah logistics chat anyway i was like you know what like Like, I think I'm going to fucking treat myself and buy some bobby colas. Support small business, buy some fancy pop.

I went online. Are you about to blow a fucking case right open? No, no, no, no. But I went online and they're pretty expensive. Oh. So, like, a case of 12 is $50. What? So it is, let me just say.

A case of 12 Diet Coke's. would be, what, $9? Well, I just got a packet of 30 um, Diet Coke for 30 bucks. Yeah, a dollar a can is like, that's a pretty good deal.

When you buy in bulk. Yeah, yeah, so if you buy 50 bucks for 12. $50 for $12. So it is like on the more expensive side, but small business and also it's like a, the prebiotic thing. So you go,

okay, we'll add the fucking organic tax. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, so I've bought those. I bought, uh, a carton of the passion fruit ones.

And a carton of the passion of the, cola ones because Torbs like those because sometimes I would go to that little sheer fridge pop a couple in my bag and take them home and here I was at the end of our 12 months at Produce and they said guys it's been a great 12 months we wish you all the best and we went oh yeah so maybe it was because yeah I wonder if they're just full of bobbies now after we left well yeah they're probably not having to refill that fridge as often anyway so Torbs was partial to a bobby cola so I I bought a cola and I bought a passion fruit.

Anyway, Charles and Lily last week came over to watch the finale of the summer I got hot. And which was amazing, by the way. It was very, very good. Stunning. And Lil brought with her a bunch of like themed snacks that went with the show. And then so we had a couple of snackies. But after the show finished, we were like, should we order some dinner? Let's order a burger and like have dinner and then we can all kind of like break up and whatever.

Yep. we ordered food and then as the foods arriving torps goes oh anyone want to drink and everyone goes oh yeah i'd love one because we always have diet coke in the fridge always got diet coke and it's actually a real crowd pleaser and i think that everybody in my life no one liked diet coke but now it's just always available so everyone drinks it yep like we've always got diet coke at the office We always have Diet Coke at home. So, like, fair to say, like, I'll offer you a Diet Coke. Yep.

Torbs opens the fridge. And everyone goes, yeah, I'd love a drink. He goes, yeah, D.C. water. He goes, oh, we've got these passion fruit drinks and these cola drinks. Did he know how much they cost when he started fucking offering? No. And I'm sitting on the couch. I'm like, oh.

And Tombs goes, oh, what do you want, sweetie? And I went, oh, I'll just have a diet coat, thinking like I might start a trend. And Charles goes, oh, passion, I'd love a passion fruit. He would. Lily goes, oh, I'd love a passion fruit as well. And Torbs goes, I'm going to have one of the cola ones. Great. Here's some hydro light and some soda street.

Make your own. Here's a melted fucking frosty fruit icey pole. And so I'm like, in my head, I'm like doing the math of how much those three cans of drink disgust me. And I was like, oh. And everyone kind of goes, are you good? I went, and in that moment, I knew that I had to make a split decision whether I go, oh no, I'm so fine, or whether I go, well, and because I'm a fucking bitch,

I went, well, they're actually really. did she the selectiveness of Tony Lodge we flew these to Fiji Hey I don't even get to No that's not I demand my halfback

I didn't even get to go Oh Bridget took your spot She was fine But you're saying that you You're like But that's where I draw the line Well I bought them personally That wasn't on the work card

You know what You and I own the work I know so I keep thinking that Tony still doesn't understand My whole work playing, Ryan's like, that's your money. You own that business. Yeah. And one day, Ryan's that we done.

He goes, you know, whatever we don't spend is the business. You get half of that. And I went, all the money you don't spend, you get half. You get, like, you get that. Yeah. So I've decided in this moment that I've gone, they're actually really expensive. And Charles goes, oh, oh, don't want. And I go, no, no, no.

They're really young. Like, have one. Well, you can say it. You can't say that. I know, I know. That's like, what's the reverse of an empty offer? No, I know. I'm going to let you have it, but I will also definitely make you to feel bad.

I want you to know that it was. I know, such a mold. Who's been laying bitch of him now? I know. That's very funny. So then, so Charles, Lily and Torbs all had like a, but I had a diet coat because I'm like a fucking like love to suffer. Yeah.

And then. Charles puts like a few coins he finds in his cards. Like, oh, how much? It's like $2.50. Yeah. No. So everybody was. like oh and then Charles actually sent me money on up like transferred me the five dollars

she was making such a big deal of it I thought I'd have to like pay some money in this bitch's pocket to shut her up because I would are there any left right now there are do you want one they're they are so good they are so good huh how much do you need to send you $25 for a can oh so it's so getting up to get a cola drink which I'm actually so fine with I would love a passion fruit, Bobby, please. Down the bottom. Oh, she's been to them.

It's just to keep them gone. I don't know if you've got the passion fruit ones that, it's just their dollars. Is there actually none there? Oh, there might just not be any in the fridge. Oh, I don't laugh. He has found them. found them no i'm fine with water thank you water thank you water's free so except that

might just make myself a hydrolight after this and like they're very aesthetic like they are beautiful and they're so yummy but yeah love that fear i'll send you the four dollar 16 to go. That's just cost me $10. $10. Do I feel like this? You're drinking every part of that fucking drink,

you little... No C-words on the show, please. You're being a... You took my pre-biotic drinks, you know they're expensive. Is pre-biotic good for me? Yeah. Good for your time.

Yeah, cool. Not good for my fucking bank account, but that's okay. To be fair, it is actually delicious. They are so, like it's, and this sounds like a gigantic ad for Bobby Cola. I promise it, it is not. But, uh, they are so yummy. Like, they're so fucking good. Okay.

All right. Let me, where's my stuff? Might do we love to say it. All right. I've got to you love. to see it from while you're over there burping up here bobby cola um from adriana sent this through i've um i've done a little bit of time jumping because i read this and it was a bit late so just like suspend your disbelief of like time chat so there's a huge boat planning on sailing

to america and over the weekend well adriana says hi tony wanted to pass along a shout out for my best friend alicia which is so beautiful she got married on the weekend on september 20 And I'm so excited. So she messaged this before it. I've had to change some stuff. So just suspension is belief. We've been, this is very sweet.

We've been friends for years since we were nine years old, hilarious, nine-year-old tarpers, when we wore the same t-shirt to karate class. So they've both rocked up. They've both got the same t-shirt on. And they've gone like, well, we're obviously best friends. And they're still best friends.

They're 30 now. Was it the karate top that everyone wears? No, like they've all won the like, Because when I used to play football, every Sunday, I'd rock up to play for the elephant. Oh, you're on the same job problem. That's so funny. We're turning 30 next year and have remained close like the whole time. She's our family and we're talking about like raising our kids together and like living on the same street.

Isn't that so fucking sweet? So excited for the wedding, which is now already up. And to celebrate my best friend, which you already did, who is a tarpa and watches the show every morning. So a huge shout out to Adri. And to Alicia, congrats on your wedding. That's really exciting. And I'm hoping the wedding went ahead

because I'm saying it in past chance. Imagine this. The wedding gets called off last minute. Drama, tragedy, stress. And you go, I'll just listen to my favourite podcast to have a bit of a brain break for 30 minutes. Yeah.

And I've just celebrated the wedding that didn't happen. And ruined the pen license scam. And I've lost all my money. Because to the Bobby Collins scam of 2025. The thing about the physics, is it's making me burpee. Yeah. If you don't drink that whole thing,

I'm going to egg your car. Old school. No. You know what? Whilst I wouldn't appreciate the actual egging, I respect the old school nature of an egging. Thanks. Hey, I'm just giving me one sec.

I'm torn now because do I get the fizzy or do I do my love to see you down. And it's so yum. Again, it seems like a huge ad for Bobby Cola. It really, isn't. It's no product placement. Not product placement.

There's no, there's no, um, though I wouldn't mind a Bobby Kohler fridge. Sorry, I just bobbed into the market. Oh, okay. Um, do you know I was created by Bobby Lee? No. Javvy loved to say it. Yeah. Are we in the mood for a beautiful story?

Yeah, always. Are you going to cry? Probably. Cry because I'm lost my money to Bobby Cola. I'm using a fake account. And this is, uh, someone's posted this on Reddit. because my girlfriend follows my main account

I don't want to know it to her. My girlfriend of five years has been deaf since she was six years old. She lip reads pretty well but prefers sign language. I didn't know a single sign when I met her but I could just tell there was a spark and there was an energy

and I knew she was right. So I started learning after our first date I was like, I'm going to do a sign language lesson. Fast forward a few years later I'm now fluent in ASL and we talk via that pretty much exclusively. Yeah.

When she's not... Ryan. It's the biotics. Pre and post. When she's not looking, I tell her, I say out loud, I love her. I say I love you. And I'm going to marry you one day

and I'm just, you think you're so. beautiful. I've even been practicing proposing when she's in the room, so it's not terrifying when I actually do it. She has no idea, but I've planned out her whole life without loud while she's in the room. Oh, I've got actual goosebumps. Tell her. Don't you fucking love to see that. Tell her. Like, no, because it's like, oh, she'll be like washing up and he's just like, love you, you know. That is so, that is really beautiful. my mum, God rest us off, her mum, so my grandma, Molly, who I was supposed to be named after my dad had the names now.

I'm Tony, which is so shit. Molly would be a great name for you. We've talked about this so many times. I'm such a Molly. You're such a Molly. It's M-O-L-I-E as well, which is beautiful. Oh, no, see, I really like that. I just, Molly with an I think is so fun.

You don't like that? I just would have, my first instinct would have been a Y. Yeah. And also when, uh, Austin Powers came out, you would have got a lot of... Molly, molly, molly. Yeah, so maybe you've dodged a bullet there. Yeah, maybe I've dodged a bullet.

Except instead I got Fat Tony from The Simpsons, which is like, you know, two iconic characters. Which is worse, do you think? Fat Tony hasn't been great throughout my life. Yeah. Whereas the guacamole probably would have fallen off, you know. Huge for a year or two. Tough couple of years, but then all right. But then all right.

Rasput, Tony, he's been around for a long time. I don't know if you've seen The Sopranos, but it really doesn't give her the rest. Anyway, so my grandma Molly, my mum's mum, she was blind, like fully blind and had been since she was like a teenager. So she didn't mind the IE? She didn't mind. Yeah, she didn't mind.

All the same to her. But my mum, I remember my mum telling me that her and her brothers, so my uncles, always thought she was lying. and like so she'd be like she'd be like she said that she used to talk to her mom and like go like this to see if she'd like to see if she'd react and it's like it's so wholesome because so mom would be like yeah so we would like my mom used to was like yeah I used to like skip school heaps and like go into the city because she grew up in Melbourne so she's like we would catch the train into the city and like not go to school and she's and I was like oh it must be really easy because like

what was your mom going to do she couldn't see you she's like but because we thought she was lying we'd put our uniforms on just in case so the thought she was lying wasn't like a gag that someone's it was like for years and years on them they kind of would just like but is it like but is she like is she just trying to catch us out or whatever and i just think that is so so funny and so mom would be like we would put our uniforms on and be like yeah bye mom just off to school and then they get changed at the bus station. Yeah. Yeah, because, like, just in case.

So just imagine, though, that this guy's like, oh, I keep saying all this stuff. Imagine if she was lying. She wasn't really dead. She's hurt the whole thing. And he, like, confesses to an old murder. Yeah. He's like, oh, by the way, I've got eight girlfriends. She's like, what?

Like, she finally burns up. What? What was that? All right. Now, as you know, and we all know, this podcast wouldn't be possible without Tava's listening and sharing their beautiful stories. And we've thrown some curly ones out there in our time, and this might be pretty niche. But...

Does anyone themselves or know of someone that's pretended for a significant amount of time to be death or blind? What's something else that you could pretend? Well, Bell Gibson pretended she had cancer. For years. But for a long time. Apple Side of In you're on Netflix. If you haven't watched that, very crowsy.

crazy. But yeah, like, and obviously my grandma, blessed her soul, was blind. Like, she, well, I mean, as far as I know. I never met her. Imagine if I pretended to be unable to read for all this time just to get out of reading your book. Just to get out of it. But you did, well, I mean, you said you read it. I actually did read your book. But Ryan's going on holiday. And I was like, oh, you don't mind reading this all your way. He's like, oh, no, I enjoyed it. Oh, but it was a big ask. I'm just not a good reader. Yeah. No, but anyway. If you You had have got me to trial the audio book, which you hadn't recorded for three months. I haven't recorded yet.

That would have been easier, sure. Yeah. But that's good for the next one. Yep. Me and 5,050 year olds. The new book that's going out. Well, I think this episode's literally like 90 minutes, fucking long. How long are we going for?

47 minutes. Fucking how. Wrap it up. All right, wrap it up. Love you. See you tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Enjoy that fucking Bobby Cola.

And you know what? I'm just going to say something when you guys come back tomorrow to record the next episode. No more Bobby Colors. I'm cutting you off. They're too expensive. Then Charles and I'll set up for these Bobby Passion fruits. Oh, see you tomorrow. Bye. Love you. Bye. This episode is sponsored by RBC. And you know that feeling when you're not sure about how to get into the job market or you can see the future you want, but you don't know how to get there? Absolutely. It's tough out there. It's tough. Well, that's where ABC comes in.

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