Toni and Ryan - The numbers are in!

Episode Date: January 2, 2022

We promised you all LAST YEAR that we would call Ryan's hairdresser if we hit a certain number of members of our Patreon - and the results are in. Love ya!!! Toni xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hello? Hello? Hello, is that Lena? It is Lena. Wow, you got it right.

It's Tony and Ryan calling from across the ditch. Is that a freeloader in the background that I can hear? Yeah, it is a freeloader. Okay, so I was going to mention this. But I figured you don't want him to sign up now, Ryan, because then you're going to have to get the lady in your house. Well, coming up in this episode, we're about to find out the final tally, and we're going to find out if, in fact,

I do have to call the hairdresser. If you're new to the podcast, you'll know what we're talking about soon. Oh, no, we know. Don't you worry. Now, do you want to explain where you're from and your accent? We are both from Alberta, Canada, but we are currently living in Nelson, New Zealand. Oh, wow. That's so cool. How random. Why have you moved there?

We came on an adventure December 2019, and we were camper running around the country, and we came to Nelson the day before lockdown. Yeah, wow. So we decided to stay. Holy moly. So you've just been there for three. Oh, my God. Did you only have enough knickers to last you like three months, though? Yeah, pretty much.

Oh, my God. And, Tony, you do know that there are stores and retail outlets in New Zealand, though, right? There wasn't during lockdown. That's what I said before we moved here. You wouldn't believe the things that I thought that I wasn't going to be able to buy when we moved here. But during lockdown would have been a bit

tricky. Of course. Surely. Yeah, it's like, okay, not as stupid as both of it. Both the boys. Oh, that's stupid. No, actually it's a great question. How long are you guys planning on staying or are you, in your mind at the moment you're there until you're not like you're there forever like what's the plan um your guess is as good as ours

oh i love that hit the every time we've like said okay no we're gonna we're gonna go we're gonna go back we're gonna go back and then it's like another lockdown or or they're screwed over there yeah canada hasn't doing that well in the COVID situation. So we're like, we're happy, we're healthy. New Zealand has the same government. Oh, I love that. That's so fun. Is it fair to say we speak nothing but fondly of New Zealand

on this podcast? We love New Zealand. We love New Zealand. And I feel like as soon as you said, why would you want to leave, it's like, good point. Yeah, why would you want to leave? You're like, good point. Yeah, why would you want to leave? You're there with Jacinda Ardern. You're safe.

Will you be able to approve this podcast for us? Yes, we definitely, definitely approve. Thank you so much for supporting us. We love hearing your story and having your – Only one of us is supporting you. Oh. Oh, God, I bet you they're not even paying taxes over there as well. Yeah.

They're living off the grudge. Hi, it's Lena. And Tyler. And we're Canadians in New Zealand, and we approve this podcast. Welcome to a brand new year of the Tony and Ryan podcast and a slight change in programming. Sure. Regular Tony Lodge is not here, but holiday mode, Tony Lodge, a totally new person.

Yep. You're going to hear more about it tomorrow, but Lodge, a totally new person. Yep. You're going to hear more about it tomorrow. But just maybe in a sentence, how would you describe yourself compared to the old Tony we used to know? Oh, she sucked. No, I don't know. No, she didn't suck. I just feel really relaxed.

It's been great to have a bit of time off. Haven't worked since last year. Oh, God, you promised that joke. Is that why you knew that was coming, didn't you? Yeah, I did. I was going to say it in a bit of a different way, like, oh, I haven't showered since last year or like, oh, you know. And we're going to hear more about new Tony in a moment.

However, I will say that at first, the first half an hour we've been hanging out today, I was all for it. And then something crossed the line and I went, I don't know if Tony's gone too far. the first half an hour we've been hanging out today. Yeah. I was all for it. And then something crossed the line and I went, I don't know if Tony's gone too far. What was it? And become obnoxious Tony. Oh, I mean, I was pretty obnoxious before. Is new Tony good, Tony?

Find out tomorrow. Oh, my God. You'll know what you did as soon as I mention it. Oh, okay. Well, speaking of new tony are you a resolutions guy like a new year's resolutions guy i hate to admit it but i think i am and i don't think it's just new year's resolutions i reckon i'm every sunday i'm a this week oh yeah tomorrow morning like i'm gonna eat all the ice cream in the fridge

tonight because tomorrow we're starting again this week yeah gonna going to get up early, going to do that thing, going to finish that thing off. This week I will be productive. Yeah, and I think that around this time of year it's like the internet is full of new year, new you, like, oh, get rid of that Christmas ham off your thighs kind of thing. Which is bullshit. Which is shit.

And we would like to put in a little disclaimer that we are not about to be, you know, diet chat central or anything like that because no one likes that. We are anti-diet on this show. Yeah, we're not those guys. Yeah, couple of loaves. Couple of loaves. Just trying to live their best lives. Do all our best.

But I thought it might be fun if we talked about whether or not you were going to set some resolutions this year. Okay. Or I'm going to throw you a curveball. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, my brother once set a New Year's resolution to be vegetarian. Oh, right.

And then the next day, like my mum made a roast and he was like, cool. Okay. I love animals again, but to eat them, not to save them. So what, he lasted till January 2? Yeah. Like I'm pretty sure like that morning he was like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to eat them, not to save them. So what, he lasted till January 2? Yeah, like I'm pretty sure like that morning he was like, I'm not going to eat animals anymore, and then mum made a roast like that day. Well, this podcast goes out January 3, so that's in the episode thread. Have you already bombed out of your resolution?

Oh, yeah. Have you already fucked it up? Three days in, ba-boom. I'm not drinking this year. Oh, come around for a New Year's Day barbecue. Let's get on it. Yeah, I'd love a champagne person if you've got one. It's basically just water anyway.

Do you have any, are you setting any rezzos for yourself? Rezzos, I've just coined that. I don't, but here's one. Here's the curveball. Oh, yeah, what is it? I'm going to allow you to set one for me and I'll do it. Oh. And if you need time to ponder, we can do that.

Oh, no, I would love it if you were on time. You would love. What are you implying? Well, no, actually, you've gotten quite good with being on time. Well, but that is a good one, though. That's a good one. Because that fucks you off. It does fuck me off.

But I feel like, yeah, I did during last year say this is important to Tony. Yes. So it's important to Tony, it's important to me. So I feel like whilst not perfect, I've lifted my game. Is that fair? You definitely have. Yeah, I can tell that you really respect my time because you know that it's something that's important to me.

I don't really have one for you. What's something I do that fucks you off? Well, the being on time thing does bother me, but you have done a really good job of that. Okay. And then I also bought another, the Christmas gift I bought you last year was something to mitigate another thing that you do that fucks me off, which is lose your keys and wallet all the time.

Sorry, too many champagnes over Christmas. Holiday Tony is struggling. Yeah. This is the most I've talked in a week. And that was buy you a tile thing for your keys and wallet so that you wouldn't like lose your shit. And you're giving me a look on your face that tells me that you have lost the tiles or lost your wallet because you didn't put it in there.

And then as we were leaving here last week, everyone, I would like for you to know that Ryan said, oh, well, you don't want to fix the roof while the sun's shining. I'm not going to put the tile on my keys, the little GPS thing on your keys while you can find them. You're going to wait until they're lost and go, I should have put that on there. The only time you need the tile is when you don't know

where your wallet is. Exactly. So when you know where your wallet is, the urgency to put the tile in is very low. But, mate, it would literally take you about three seconds. I bought you the one that's a credit card size that you just slip it into one of the things. For anyone that doesn't know what a tile is,

it's like a little GPS locator that you have an app on your phone, you go, fuck, I've lost my keys, and you tap on it and you go, okay, well, they're in the house at least. I'll be able to find them. I put it on my desk. Great, in case you fucking lose your desk. That's stupid. And then this morning it was still on my desk a week later

and I knew you were coming into the studios to record, so I put it in the desk so you couldn't see it sitting on top of my desk a week later and I knew you were coming into the studios to record. So I put it in the desk so you couldn't see it sitting on top of my desk. Like I put it in a drawer because I knew you'd be fucked off if you saw it still sitting there. Hang on, it's at your desk at work. It's not even on your desk at home. No, it's just over there.

Ryan. But I thought to hide it from you because I knew you'd be fucked off because I care about you. Oh, I don't like that. Well, anyway. I feel hoodwinked. Okay, I'm going to be on time. I'm going to use the tile.

Okay. And what are you, Tony Lodge, going to do? Okay, I've got three. Okay. One of them is to read more. Yeah. Because I buy books all the time and I'm not going to have a cop-out excuse and say like, oh, I never have time to read.

I never make time to read. I never make time to read. I sit on the couch on my phone all the time, not concentrating on the TV, scrolling Instagram or whatever. And I think that I should make reading a little bit more of a priority. Is it like, you know, 10 minutes in the morning each day or? I don't know. I just think I want to actually put a dent in the books that I've got. Why do you keep buying? Don't get me wrong, I'm the same. I love going to a bookstore and looking through the books. Would never read any of them.

Yeah. Why is it, and this is, again, on behalf of the both of us, why do you keep buying them if you know you're probably not going to read it? Because if someone tells me that a book is great, I'm like, oh, I'll buy it. I'm going to love that. So I buy it and then I just don't read them but it's worse because do you have intentions of reading them yes yeah I buy them and I go oh that's gonna be amazing or I read like the first 30 pages of a book and I go oh can't wait to pick that up again tomorrow and then I just move on with the rest of my life but the worst thing is

that I buy them as like a like I buy them on my iPad. So out of sight, out of mind. Like it's not as if I see a stack of books like sitting on my bedside table or something. Oh, so you just have the e-book in your. Yeah, my iPad is just full of like 6,000 books that I just buy. Maybe that's your problem. Maybe you need to touch the paper to really get into it

and be invested and see it sitting there on the coffee table and go, yeah, we'll chip away at that. I'll just put away five or ten pages here just in between. But every time someone tells me they like a book, I buy it basically without fail. Well, there you go, guys. Leave a thread of your best books. No, don't because it cost me a fortune.

And if you're a writer and you need to push some sales up, tell us about it. Tony will be your next customer. I'll do you a favour. All right, so there's the first one. All right, that's the first one. And the second one is work on my garden. You have a courtyard. Yeah, but

so you know how I've got the plant boxes around the thing. And then I've also got like a herb garden, which currently at present is all dead that I want to redo over the break. Go to Bunnings, get some like little plantling

things and sort that out. And then the third one is spending more time outdoors. I feel like you've got these kind of intertwined. Yeah, so those ones kind of work together, but I just want to get out of the house more. I feel like I'm such a homebody and that's not like, well, I guess it's partly like in an exercise way, but it's genuinely getting out of the house because I get

so comfortable being at home that I think that I just need to like push myself out of the house a bit more. Because over the break, I've just been outside, like a little outside fiend, and it's changed my life. I was going to say, tomorrow when we talk about the new and obnoxious Tony, maybe it was the holiday, maybe it's the season, maybe it's the fact we've just been in a pandemic and regardless of what you did, it's the first time you've been

out of the house for two years. Yeah, because, like, even if you left the house, you were still only allowed less than five kilometres away from your place. Yeah. So you were walking the same areas or running on the same oval or... When was the last time you stayed at a place that was not your and Torbjorn's house?

Like two years. Holy shit. Yeah, it would be. Two years, I reckon. So is new and obnoxious Tony just out of the house, Tony? I'm just, I'm really feeling myself. And right now no one can see me, but I'm just doing this little dance. She's dancing.

I just, I think I've got a bit of colour. You do. I've been out in the sun. Been for a swim? I feel just doing this little dance. She's dancing. I just, I think I've got a bit of colour. You do. I've been out in the sun. Been for a swim? I feel great. Oh, mate. In Albury, you know what they do? They swim in the river. Don't get that in Melbourne. You literally do it at the river. Well, yeah, but not like

in the city. You'd have to leave the house to get there. Not in the city. You can't swim like in the air in the city. It's actually legal to swim. I've googled it because I was like, I'll swim in the river in Melbourne. You can't swim south of Gipps Street in Abbotsford, which is like near where I live. Really? Yeah, it's actually illegal to swim in it south of Gipps Street.

Mate, I fucking, I looked it up because I was like, Torbs, we've got to go and fucking get in the river. You're a river couple. Back to me roots. Oh, I'm already looking forward to debunking or demystifying and investigating new Tony and Torbs, by the way. They've both changed. But except I'm really sad because next week I'll be back to normal.

I'll be miserable again. And then in 51 weeks it'll be festive Tony. Oh, yeah, I'll have gone back to Aubrey for Christmas. Well, if you stick to your resolutions, if you become a garden lady, if you become an outdoor lady and you read more, maybe happy, festive, obnoxious Tony will last for the rest of the year. I hope so. Maybe not the obnoxious part. I'm obnoxious anyway.

I don't know where you're getting this from. That is true. I think it's just heightened. I think it's because you're used to me just being so miserable. I'm laughing. You're like, I don't like it. I do like it. I love 99% of it except for that one don't like it. I do like it.

I love 99% of it except for that one thing you did before. I need to know what it was. You'll find out tomorrow. Speaking of which. Speaking of witches, I've had a cadaver. You don't like Harry Potter so that's not funny. You're not allowed to laugh. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. Just between you and me. Yeah, on the podcast. I've been asked. What? No! What? I've been asked to do a sponsored video for Harry Potter the musical.

Get fucked! I love Harry Potter. You haven't even seen it. I haven't seen it. Could I be in it with you? Sure. I've already got the sky in the glasses. Yeah, I know. You look great.

And the Halloween edition, I've already showed them the photo. I'm like, look at this. Look at this girl. She loves Harry Potter. My mum made that cape I was wearing. So they said, Ryan, we'd love you to dress up and do a backstage tour and introduce everyone to all the characters because this is Harry Potter the musical. But, you know, it's coming out and doing the thing.

Are you talking about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? No, it's like this all in, it's apparently all of them. So like it's all condensed and apparently it's like two sessions and it's five hours, like it's this big all-in thing. Are you sure you're not talking about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? What is Harry? I don't know.

So that's like the latest book but it's a play and that's two sessions, that's five hours. Are you talking about that? Probably. I don't know. Okay. I don't know because I don't care because I don't know anything about Harry Potter.

So whatever it is, they're like, Ryan, tell us your favourite character and we'll dress you up. And I'm like, I don't know any of the characters. Did you say? I've never seen Harry Potter. It must have been some good coin if you're willing to sell your soul like that. Well.

Because you've actually, I've said, do you like Harry Potter? And you've said, no, I don't watch shit films. Yeah, I don't watch shit films. Yeah, I don't watch shit films. So they're obviously willing to pay you a lot of money to sell yourself. How much money are they paying you? I still have to sell myself. Well, obviously it's because you don't care about it. Because they said it'll include two tickets if you and your wife

would love to come. And then Bridget went, well, you have to do it because I want to go and see the show. So they also said if you go backstage, you can, like, introduce all the characters to the audience to show them off. But you won't know who anyone is. I know. I don't know any of them.

What are you going to do? I don't know. I just said I'll circle back after the break. Let's touch on this in the media. Should I do it or should I get you to do it? Well, I don't think that you should. You shouldn't get paid money to promote Harry Potter. You don't even care about it.

How many times in your life have you stood in line at a fucking Dimmicks to be the first person to get that new book? What's a Dimmicks? Like the bookshop. I have, I countless times in my life have stood in line for a new Harry Potter book, dressed as Hermione, crimped hair and everything. I could, I'm really upset. Holiday Tony's over She's cancelled Hi I'm Lena And Tyler And we're Canadians in New Zealand And

You're listening to Tony and Ryan During the break just there, Tony said, Ryan, can you please tell me the thing I did that fucked you off? You're really curious, aren't you? I just really want to know because I thought that I'd been incredibly delightful. You had been. And I love new festive Tony. Yeah.

I want to do everything I can to, and I know, you know, we're all in a good mood. It's the festive season. Yeah, it is. But how long can we stretch this out? Can this be a, can we get a few months out of festive Tony? Maybe. I'd love to see that.

Yeah, if you stop fucking acting up. Time check? Yeah. Monday, January 3. Three days in. We had a good run, folks. Anyway, see you next Christmas. Well, I'd like to quickly say thank you to the champion tapas

who will hopefully not fuck me off like you have. Lucas, thank you so much. Tyler Brink, thank you. Josh Tedham and Jared Fuller, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for supporting us. And for adding to the total of people that might help. Okay, let's get straight into this. So last year.

Last year. Last year. Actually, quick recap of the whole story. During lockdown. Last year. During lockdown. Last year. I went to a hairdresser's house.

Last year. Because hairdressers with clothes were in lockdown. Yes. I had a special exemption because I was working on TV. I don't agree with the rule, but it is what it is. I think it's fine. I was glad to get my head up. I go into the bathroom.

It's at her house, like her personal apartment. There's no toilet paper in the bathroom before I get my hair cut. After you do a little poopy. Obviously, I panicked. I stressed. I may have been sweating. Tony, you thought the best option would have been? To scoop it out with your hands and then wash your hands.

Like, all good, none the wiser, no evidence. Other people suggested the shower. Other people suggested literally anything else. Shouting out, being like, hey, doll, do you got any toilet paper? Yep. Someone also said a booty bird bath. Oh, like a bidet. Yeah, so you just, like, dip your booty into the sink, give it a little splash. Yeah, so you just like dip your booty into the sink,

give it a little splash. But what did you choose? I used her towel. Yeah, her bath towel. Her bath towel. Then I put it back and I didn't mention it and I got my haircut and left and I haven't spoken to her since. The deal was.

Was it a big? Don't ask questions. Excuse the word choice. Don't say schmear. Was there a big like schmear of poo on the table? Like, was it, like, a lot? I would just say without any need for a second look or investigation, you would be very aware of what had happened.

Right. Okay, yep. So the deal was if we got 1,000 patrons, and this makes me feel fucking sick because I already know the answer. Yeah. If we got 1,000 people subscribed to our Patreon, I would call her, own up, apologise, use the Patreon money to buy some new towels and just ask what happened.

Your share, not mine. I'm not. This is new. No, it's not. I'm not funding you shitting on towels. You're not funding it. The people are funding it. You fucking shit on a car and I've got to pay $165 to get the car washed.

And the parking. It's not your money. It's not my money. It's the people paying. No. They've paid for a reason. It's coming out of your share. I'm not fucking funding this.

You're lucky I'm getting on the phone with you. I'm not embarrassed. You will be leading that conversation. Absolutely. Mate, be careful what you wish for. You don't want me leading that conversation. I don't. I just. Anyway, what's the you wish for. You don't want me leading that conversation. I don't. I just, oh, I feel, anyway, how much is the number?

Tell me the number. We have 1,178 people that have joined our Patreon that desperately want you to call the hairdresser and apologise. And we'll record it. Obviously it'll be in the podcast or maybe it'll be like a bonus episode or something. We'll figure it out. That's a real shame.

I would just also like to say that when we announce that this is what we're going to do, I'm pretty sure we were at like 800 Patreons. Yep. Patrons. Patrons? I don't even know. I don't know what it's fucking called. There were like 800 people in the group and a lot of people

have joined since then. Almost 400 purely. And you know what's really pissing me off? For the shit tower. What? Because people send us messages on Patreon and we reply to most of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we do try to get to all the messages.

We'll get back to them soon. We're working through it. Because of this, there's a lot of messages we've received. But one thing's really getting my gripe. Oh, getting your gripe. Okay. Now, what's the lowest tier of our Patreon? $4.

We should have upped that. Oh. This is what's annoying me. I've had lots of messages going, G'day, Ryan, no interest in being your Patreon. I've signed up to the lowest tier. I'm going to cancel straight away. Can't wait to hear you make that phone call you fucking idiot

Oh we should have cancelled them all except for the $1000 one Oh my god imagine if a thousand people joined for $1000 It'd be like Oh my god $10,000 Nah, nah, $100,000 Is Nah. Nah. $100,000. Is that a million dollars? Yeah.

$2 million. No. What actually is it? Is it a million? Yeah. Luckily you've got an accountant in the house. That's if you pay $1,000 per month. Most people are paying $4.

No, but imagine if that. Anyway, this is not important. $1,000 per month, most people are paying $4. No, but imagine if that, anyway, this is not important. But it does actually also mean that of the 1,178 people that have joined, which is the official number we are going with, that means that we have to run two metres for every single person that joined. I love that you were about to say the total, realised you couldn't

figure it out so you've reached for your phone. And now I'm padding so that it sounds like I organised this beforehand, which means that we have to run 2.356 kilometres. How do you think you'll go with that? I think I'll be fine. I went for a run yesterday. Oh, yeah. I might struggle.

Mate, can we walk it? No. Can we run and then walk a little bit and then run? No, total run. Oh, it has to be total run? Yeah. Fuck off. We can stop start, but when you stop, so does the distance counter.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. We're going to have to put a whole day aside. A little bit of feedback from last week's episode. Oh, okay. What are people saying? Did they like it? Did they hate it? Well, it's just one from last week's episode. Oh, okay. What are people saying? Did they like it?

Did they hate it? Well, it's just one specific thing that's annoyed someone. Oh, for fuck's sake, what have I done? There was debate last week about whether you have your chicken parma on top of the chips or chicken parma next to the chips. Yes. People' minds are blown. I said I like it next to.

Next to. I agree. But if you put it on there, also fine, but I prefer next to the chips. Yes. People. I said I like it next to. Next to. I agree. But if you put it on there, also fine. But I prefer next to. Jennifer from Nebraska said she is shooketh to the core. She said Australians have chicken palmas with chips. So this all came about because someone posted a comment saying, oh, we're out for a palma to honour Tony after she got served the baked snail.

And they were like, it's on noodles, and I didn't know about that. And apparently, are we wrong? Are they wrong? Who's to say? Well, according to Jennifer, most normal people have a palmer with pasta or a salad. Now, first of all, you can shove your salad, mate. We've already discussed we're not a diet podcast.

We're also not a salad podcast. Parma with a salad. You know what I need with my carbs? Definitely more carbs. Thank you very much. We didn't even plan that. We just knew. A couple of loaves.

All those rolling in. Now, because the parma is an Italian dish, as soon as I saw that, I went, yeah, that probably does make a lot of sense. And I assumed Jennifer was from Italy and was like, oh, my nonna would be so angry. I don't think that Jenny from Nebraska is from Italy. Well, I didn't know she was from Nebraska at the time, so I just assumed it was like, oh, Jennifer from, you know,

Italy, blah, blah, blah. So I clicked on the profile. I was like, oh, great. We're being schooled on Italian cuisine from Nebraska, the Italian cuisine capital of the world. I just don't think it would be. Does the pasta have a sauce?

Is it like spaghetti bolognese and then a chicken parmigiana on the top? Well, because the parmigiana sauce is like the tomato-y. Yeah, but so is that on? I think that's what they're saying. So then there's more of that through the whole dish. Because the picture that I saw, it looked like it was just like a naked noodle. A naked noodle?

That's what it looked like. How do you like your noodles? Naked. Hard. No. Sorry. About the opposite. Uncooked.

Look, I don't know where to go from here, Jennifer, other than to say that you're wrong. Are you fine with that? Yeah, I think that's fine. Because don't come at us and say we're wrong. No. Don't. An American, tell them.

I don't have COVID. Are you sure you don't have COVID? Yeah, I did a rapid test today. Did you? Yeah, because I was coming in with you. I didn't want to make you sick. Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, no, we're both good.

Oh, fuck off. We're both good. You must be doing all right. You have to pay for those in Australia, don't you? Yeah, you do, actually. How much are they? I got, so before we went away for Christmas, we bought three boxes.

And each box has two in it., we bought three boxes. Yeah. And each box has two in it, and it's three boxes for $60. So $20 a test. Yeah, right. Wait. Jeez, your maths is fucking bullshit this year. I do it all the time. My maths is, yeah.

I've got really bad, I don't have COVID. I literally did an antigen test before I left the house. I just get really bad allergies. Right. And, like, myigen test before I left the house. I just get really bad allergies. Right. And, like, my hay fever's just off the chain. Don't love to see it, but you know what I do love to see? Please. And this is definitely contributing to holiday, Tony.

Okay. It's that over the festive season, Festivus, I have enjoyed doing fuck all. And I really liked not setting my alarm. Oh, how nice is that? Like spending ages cooking dinner, enjoying a coffee out on like our outdoor lounge and like sitting in the sun.

I also over the break was at my auntie and uncle's. They had a farm. Sitting on the veranda having a coffee in the morning with no place to be. Get fucked. So good. As if that's some people's life. I know.

Some people just get to, like, lounge about. Well, I said to Linda and David, my aunt and uncle, I said, oh, how great's the last couple of days been? And they said, this is just what we do. Oh, fuck off. Yeah. You'd love it down there. I would.

I actually would. Come down. I'm a country girl now. Oh, yeah, so we're about to hear tomorrow. Might love to see it. Pretty random. Yeah. In fact, I'll give you a million dollars if you can guess what hear tomorrow. Might love to see it. Pretty random. Yeah. In fact, I'll give you a million dollars if you can guess what it is.

It's a TV show. Below Deck. Nah. They might love to see it. Yes. Undercover Boss. It's so wholesome. Oh, I haven't seen it, but I know what you're talking about.

For some reason, it's coming up in my TikTok algorithm. Because you know how people cut down TV shows and they condense it? They do a good job of condensing 30 minutes into 40 seconds. But it's always the boss being like, this employee is working so hard and she's got two jobs and her kids are college. And at the end of the episode, they're like, we're going to pay for your kids' college. We're giving you this new car.

We thank you so much. People like you make our company what it is and they get all treated. And I'm just... Are you going to do that for me? So imagine us in our two-person operation. Yeah. That if I'm not there one day and some other guy in a, like, clearly dressed weird being like, oh, Ryan's not in,

but there's this other guy coming in to ask a few questions. Tony and Brian. To ask a few questions and a camera crew following around. And at the end I'm like, Tony, it was me the whole time. There's this other guy coming in to ask a few questions. Tony and Brian. To ask a few questions and a camera crew following around. And at the end I'm like, Tony, it was me the whole time. And I love to see how you've taken the new employees. I'm going to buy you an Audi. You're doing all right, mate. You can buy your own fucking Audi.

Yeah, I'll buy myself a... Use your Patreon money. Buy myself a meowdy. Whatever. Oh, that was funny. Actually, that was... That was mean. Meowdy. Whatever. Oh, that was funny. Actually, that was mean. Meowdy. See, if you were the undercover boss, you'd be like,

that Ryan's a bit of a jerk. Yeah, I'm not paying for his kids' fucking college tuition. Yeah, they can pay for themselves. Yeah, fuck you. Tomorrow we're going to hear about obnoxious Tony, but until then. We'll see you tomorrow. You've changed me. I'm not going to meow if you call me obnoxious, Tony.

People will be disappointed. Well, you can explain to them why. Because I'm an arsehole. Sorry. Best time of life. What? What? Oh, best time of life.

What? What? See, you get uncomfortable when you've got music to play. What? You get uncomfortable and you don't like the silence, so you press the buttons. Let's play. Holy Spirit, activate is what I imagined you were about to press play on.

Don't. Meow. Meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.