Toni and Ryan - The One Thing You Need For Your Bathroom

Episode Date: December 3, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Toni's Life Update - Squatty potty - NORMAL or NAH - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've been thinking about, you know, maybe my goals for next year. Yep. I think I'm going to turn my toilet paper the other way. Turn it around and then the tail of it is against the wall. Have you considered a controversial third option? I don't hate that. That's a third option. Hi, I'm Mel from the Central Coast. I'm Biscuit from Berlin.

I'm Carol from Prague, Czech Republic. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, bestselling author, Tony Lodge. And we're trying to do a serious, important podcast here. And Charles is wearing a hat that looks like it's Alf legs stuck on the top of his head. How can we take this seriously? And I wonder that all the time. Charles, do you have anything to say for yourself? No.

I think it's silly and fun. Yeah. I just, I'm really throwing because the stocking that I made you, that I hand knitted and it's full of love, because it's like sitting behind you, we had like stuff it with stuff so that it would like sit up, but it just looks like a really weird bumpy shoe. Yeah.

And it's really like... The stuff holding it up looks like it's made it wonky. Well, it looks like a troll's footies in it or something, and it's like warty and, like, bumpy and, like, not right. Has that guy been to a podiatrist? Like, there's at least 20 bunions in there. Isn't bunyan? But, but, yeah, you had it right.

Bunyan. But bunion? Yeah. Or bunyan? Nope, you're thinking of an onion. Well, onion. Onion. Bunyan.

Bunyan. No, bunyan. Yeah, you're throwing wine. Anion can be both, isn't it? So true. Onion or onion. You're saying the same word twice. No, I'm not.

Like, that's like more of a UNG, onion. It feels different to onion. Onion. Do you hear the difference, Charles? No. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, onion. Because it could also be onion.

Onion or onion. Do you hear what I'm saying? I'm in a good mood I feel like you've got to meet me on my level Oh, we're trying And trust me, we'd love to And you're like And the problem isn't going up

Let me tell you It's scrub and down Yeah, no, okay Well, so you know how in our office We don't do pranks Well, I last night Got the Friday of my life And this will surprise you

Because I was in the emergency room This week But I think that the scariest thing Ever happened last night At about 10 o'clock I'm sitting on the couch just watching telly, doing some crafts in front of the TV. And I get an email that says reference request for Lily Alexandra Allset.

I full named her because I'm absolutely livid. That's a pretty similar name to Lily Allen. And I was like, what the fuck? Like reference, I'm like job. Reference? Like, what? Like, has she put me down as a reference for another job? But is she leaving? you go, mate.

If it's shameless. I'm disclosed. Oh, she's not going to tell us. No, it was not a job reference. It was for a house. Isn't it common courtesy that when you put someone down as a reference, you give them a heads up? Well, I got the fright of my absolute life because I thought she'd applied for another

job and I'm like, oh my God, what's going on? And I see it. I send her a screenshot and I was just like, oh my God, this is just giving me the part of my life. She goes, oh, sorry, yeah, I didn't think it would trigger straight away. I thought it would happen like during business hours. But it came straight through. And I ended up reading the thing and was like, oh, it's for a house, like for a new rental. Did Lily have instructions? Because Charles will often say like, pull you down as a reference. By the way, I claimed I earned this much. Okay. So if you get and I go,

do you lie about your income on that. Yeah, because the box isn't that big. You've got to do a smaller number. No, but like you've got to put your best foot forward. They want to know that you're able to pay and they are really aware how Charles could pay. Well, so then I click into the thing and it's like all very professional now. It's not just like, oh, send us a couple of words about like what you reckon about her. Yeah, yeah, please.

They gave me like a receipt of like what I had put in the form. Which is great because you need to remember what you told them. Well, kind of. Yeah. And the first question is, what is your name? Easy one. Tony and Ryan. It asked me what my job was at this business.

That's a great fucking question. Right. Good on you, jealous, Craig. So I'm like, well, is it CEO? Is it bird in charge? Is it muscles? Because you carry the show. What did you put down?

Well, so, because I thought I should be really professional. Because I wanted to get this house. I put director slash host. Slash post. Yeah, because I was like, well, we were just talking about being the director

of a business the day because you joined the board. And then I was like, well, I'm the director of this business. And then I'm also the host like does it on the tin, like Tony and Ryan,

like she'd said she was. But what did you say the name of the business was? No, this is my job position. Yeah, but what did you say the name of the business was?

Oh, Lily had already given that. Okay. Saying that she worked at Tony and Ryan slash like business name. Yeah, because what I'm getting at is like, if you don't,

know you work at a podcast a host is a weird word oh no no no she'd already said podcast yeah yeah yeah no no so it was like what is your job position like but i was like i don't really have one host is strange i was like personality hire um and then it asked for lily's official title that's another great question she had already filled in and that came through to me and then it was like as for you to confirm or they'd just match them up they just matched it up so the hers was already in there and then it was like are they on probation are they employed full time and i was like Yeah, full time, not on probation. It says, like, is their position likely to be ongoing?

I'm like, well, even if it's not, I have to say it. Two minutes ago, I thought this was the end of it. Yeah, yeah, a minute ago, I thought you didn't give a fuck about how long the job was going for. And then it said, what is her income? And I text her and said, how much do you get paid? I was like, well, I was like, oh, I could probably find it somewhere. But, like, I'll just text it. I just texted.

She goes, great. So we've both put the same thing. Because imagine if that and I've just guessed. Well, that's why you've got to confer. Exactly. And then, right, it said any additional comments. Plenty to say. And I thought, well, here's my fucking comment.

Yeah. I've got a screenshot here. As we discussed yesterday, Tony doesn't miss an opportunity. I think this is quite good. And this is why you'll get the house. Does everyone want to hear this? Additional comments. Lily is a well-organized, tidy and amazing

employee she shows respect for our business and her teammates but also our space i would not hesitate to recommend her and trust her to live in my own home wow yeah that's pretty that's a glowing yeah i reckon you to get it well i find out today i think so we'll see oh no one do they sent it through at 10 p.m last night they got to fucking turn it around let's keep recording until we find out do we want to commit to that because we don't know how long it's going to be where we see how we feel after normal or not okay like say we get started and then we you know like remember that time we all huddled around chowis around charles to see if he got his house and then it was just like some other person but we yelled at that lady on the phone

yeah yeah that was good give it to him yeah um it's my masseuse yeah But also, so that came me the fraud of my life. But I also have been doing a lot of soul searching because you know how we said that? Oh, so she's doing house searching, you're doing soul searching? Yeah, similar. Does Lily need to give your soul? Yeah. I'm just renting myself as well.

Yeah. Is everything all right, made soul searching? Well, you know the other day how we said like the end of the year kind of makes you like a bit like, like, kind of thinking about stuff? And I've been thinking about, you know, maybe my goals for next year. Yep. And what I'd like to achieve. And I think I've had.

Anything you like to discuss publicly with us all? Well, yeah, that's, I'm bringing to you now. Oh, that's very, well, I respect the vulnerability to share it with everyone because sometimes it's like a personal thing. Well, one of mine, I think. Yeah. Is that I think I'm going to turn my toilet paper the other way. So at the moment.

Has something, what's, um... At the moment. I'm rolling toilet paper I was prepared to get vulnerable here and now you're bringing comedy props I'm rolling my toilet paper like that and I've always thought well that's the best way to do it

because you don't have the toilet paper rubbing the dirty roll on the wall before you yeah but now I'm thinking turn it around and then the tail of it is against the wall

and I think it will be easier to tear and I, the toilet paper and I won't pull off too much because you know how that is one of my problems I always use too much toilet paper. I didn't know that but that's... We've discussed it before on the show.

And I think that I need to change the way I'm living and I think I'm going to turn my toilet paper around. Have you considered a controversial third option? What's the third option? Just thrown Ryan the roll of toilet paper. So I'm going at the moment, for anybody that can't see, I'm going over. I think I need to change to under. And Ryan is about to share a surprise third option.

Sideways. Yeah. No, because then you can't get a good roll on. Yeah, not doing it right. What do you mean? You're putting your thumb up the ass of the toilet paper roll. Or whatever wants to be. It can be a stick or a, like a...

Or the spoon you brought into the toilet, you pop it on there. No, but it can be that way. And it glides right across. I don't hate that. That's a third option. Because the thing about... That's the third way. No, because let me tell you, whichever way you were proposing,

gravity is still going to work against you. Because when you get a roll on, as you described, it's the momentum and the gravity that just... Was when it's like this. That's a really good point. What are you rolling at home? Oh, man, I'll just grab me anything shoving in. I will hold the roll.

Should we go test it now? I'm just test it right here. We go to the toilet and test it and you hold it. Yeah. Have I pitched the segment to you where we get toilets that face each other and we poo and have to maintain eye contact? I would 1,000% do that. Have you seen that toilet on the internet?

It goes around every now and then the lover's toilet. And it's like one facing one way and one facing the other, but you're next to each other. Yeah. Like your thighs touch. I would do that. Okay. But until then. Should I go, do you want to come to the toilet with me now? No, because I know what kind of week you've had.

And I think you should respect that. No, actually, so fair. Yeah. You've already seen the blood that came out of my asshole. I actually have. Yeah. Of all the weeks I've known you, that's the first week I've seen that. Not long after, not long.

Is that what's brought this on? No. But maybe a little bit. I've been thinking about it for a while because we at our house, two people live there, right? We go through toilet paper like it's fucking going out of fashion. And I think it's because I'm using too much. So I'm trying to think of a way to like, and it's not about the like money of paying for toilet paper. It's like I think I'm putting too much into the toilet because the other day, like it took a bit to go down.

Did you have to throw anything out the window? I didn't have to throw a turd out the window. Now, I'm not a mathematician or an engineer. Hey, who is? Well, they are. Who is? You said to me once, I go through too much toilet paper,

maybe it's because I've got three toilets. Yeah. I don't get that. No. Doesn't make sense. And again, a mathematician. Yeah, it's not like the more toilets doesn't mean that more's being used.

Well, that's what I thought. But you said it with such confidence. I was like, maybe I'm missing a trick here. Yeah, I think it's having three toilets stocked up takes more. Like, oh, yeah, that's a lot of admin. Thank you so much. You got three toilets. It's been half the day stocking that up.

That's my whole week gone. Checking on those toilets. Who's got the time? And like, while we had a broken foot and we were, working from my house, toilet paper, like, literally dry it in the bin. I was going to say, maybe take it easy because we're all around there, we're using stuff, you know, don't blame, don't take that on yourself. There's a lot of contributors, but now that we've left.

Yeah, we just go through it. The other thing, you know, it has people wiping. Well, you know, actually, sometimes if she has a bit of poo on her bum, I'll use toilet paper. She gets good services. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a little princess. you know the toilet next to the laundry how like the wind tunnel from Pippa's door that unrolls the toilet paper all the time and then what are you going to do like

because it's not being on the toilet you can't on the floor you can't use it you've got to go sideways sideways might be the way you can actually just twist the hole that comes out of the wall not all of them you can't twist all them have you tried well one of ours is a bit broken yeah is that from you doing that oh god no that doesn't look right uh would you say getting to the bottom of this and not that like don't say get to the bottom well that's what it does um that's my joke did you know everything about building a tunnel under our building have you heard that i have i'm not saying this isn't important yeah but what i am asking is of all of your goals for 2020 Twix,

where does this rank? I just think I need to make a decision. Uh-huh. That if I'm going to do it here and now. Like if I'm going to make the change, I think that this is something that I need to just decide and just go with it and just see how it goes. Because I love to think and I love to plan.

Like when someone says like, what are your goals for the year? Like we're going to do it as a team soon. I love thinking about where I want to be. And I love trying to think about what I can do to get there and stuff. just like, I find it really satisfying. I love hearing about other people's goals. But this one, I think I just need to bite the bullet.

I've got a fourth option. And I think apart, all of our goals should be think outside of the box. Let's not let the world place restrictions on what we are and what we are not capable of. Yep. Can we put a bidet in your house? Oh. Because it's not about which way do I do the toilet paper. What if you just didn't do toilet paper?

I've never used a B-D-A before. And it shows. And like... It changes your life. It's lovely. It really? I just, it freaks me out. Although in Thailand in my house, I had the spray gun.

Like the bum gun. That is a treat. So I've seen that in like we, I've never been to, I haven't been to Bali. Yeah. But I've been to Thailand. I've been to Vietnam. Yeah. And they had them in the toilets there.

But I just couldn't bring myself to use it. Because what I think is going to happen is that what if I spray it and I just spray the shit all over my yeah it's awesome but let me tell you I think like a lot of things and I was the first time I was like well obviously not yeah but once you've done it once because the first time you're bit like this is weird what I do is feel strange is a bit ticklish like and then after the first time you're like oh well who would use toilet paper ever again because in Japan they've got those fancy like electronic toilets and they've got the bidet that like you do business and the bidet like rolls out and it just does like so you don't touch anything I'm just

too scared to use it I reckon yeah because you're you're brave and you're fearless thanks you're going to Bali at Christmas yes maybe that's your introductory time and you Charles is nodding are you a fan of the bum gun um I like I don't have one at home but like when I'm overseas and there's one available oh use it in your rental in North Kent you don't yeah um but you can get once with like heated seats and stuff as well. Well, that's in Japan, but you've got to get your angles right. See, and it's not that hard. What I think is that there's not a lot of room for error.

But there's actually heaps because you're spraying back down into the toilet. You're not spraying out into the world. So you're spraying it into the toilet. Oh, okay. We didn't ever see that. That's quite aggressive, actually. So Charles is just showing us a video of how those like the bidet's work when they spray. Yeah, that's.

back of the toilet. Ignore that. You want to be spraying this way. But that is spraying up and I don't think that's what I want. Yeah, you want to be spraying that way. So. And just catching a glimpse on the way through. So if I was to do it now, I would have the gun shooting that way.

Shooting down. So do I shoot, hang on, I'm just going to move forward. So if I'm like on the toilet. You're shooting that way. So I'm shooting down past 45 degrees. Down past the point. Puss. See, what I'm thinking is that you're reaching down and spraying up, which is I'm thinking I'm going to get a back full of shit.

Yeah, so, yeah, you got to, yeah, I imagine this. Can you move Scooge forward and show me? You're going. Is it different to have a pussy and a Willie? I don't think so. Okay, good. I'd say it's easier to have a puss while because you don't need to dodge anything on the way through. Oh.

So imagine your shoe. You can bring your microphone forward. Oh. That's good, isn't it? It's like the B day. Why have I been sitting back there for a month? All right This feels like

Get around the campfire Hey Yeah Get a right in Are we still in the Oh look at that Goody man Hey you're going

Yeah mate I'm just Now I'm just gonna go Fuck a lady So I don't know I just feel like

Very connected to you right now And we need to be Considering the topic Yeah no So true Don't touch my leg I might shit Touch your third leg

With my bum gun It's my pussy they're luxurious feeling aren't they they're nice the pants or the leg oh that's a nice calf in there might have to ask dolly magazine if you feel how to touch that now imagine okay this feels so nice you're so hansy sorry it's almost christmas now imagine you're shooting 45 you're just shooting water straight down the pipe

past the puss yeah yeah and then imagine what if it catches the puss on the way through is that okay sorry you start aiming like down the drain as in you just shooting it straight into the whole of the toilet oh yep and then you kind of bring it up and it's as if you're getting a bit of poop on the way through so you're not shooting it right up the poop you're just shooting it and getting a bit of poop on the way and I'm cleaning on the way cleaning on the way yeah so it's not going like cleaning it's more like cleaning on the way through because what Charles just showed us that's cleaning yeah yeah you don't like that and that's going to put you off your game

Well, and that's what I think has scared me from wanting to try. I will, as your best friend, who hasn't yet got whoever they got for Secret Santa yet. If you buy me a bidet for under $50, I will kindly decline. No, I'm going to get... They should cost more than that. Not a bidet. I'm going to get the spray gun installed in two of your three toilets.

Oh. Which two would you like? Not the one that people use. So it's like a private gun. I think it has to be private. Yeah, okay. I'll put one in your own suite. Yeah.

Oh, I'll stay. I'll enjoy this. Yeah. Okay, maybe I'll just get one. I'll just get one in your on. When you like to settle in for a number two.

My favorite poo spot is the one next to the laundry. Well, that's where it's going to have to go. Do you know the other thing? People don't know, I guess will appreciate it. They'll get there and they go, fuck, she is doing all right.

Do you reckon it looks like fancy? And in the future. Yeah. The resale value. It's like a Toyota Camry. It just keeps going up. I actually read somewhere that for every bum gun, yeah, add 25 grand to the value of a house.

Fuck off. Yeah. Really? No. Oh, I could be looking at an extra 75K. Yeah. That's my salary. That's good.

The other thing. For those playing on home, we're still sitting quite close to each other. The other thing. I can see the back of Tony's head in my... I can see your face in mine. Is this what you normally say?

This is what you normally see me. Oh, there she is. Oh, Daddy! You came into work today. Oh, she works here. Yeah, yes. Same person. This whole time.

Yeah, I'm going to scoge back. Oh, no, I'll stay for you one. No, it's just that I tried to go back and you... Well, it just felt like we needed to be close, didn't it? Another thing on the pooing. because I've had a recent foray into shitting blood do you know what I've just bought and I'll never fucking look back

squatty potty what's a squatty like to put your legs up yeah I've never shit easier in my fucking life I'm not even fucking joking yeah we bought three they're in every toilet of the house the resale value oh mate

We're going to be... I'm going to sit back. Oh, I can. Look at that. That's us. We're as happy as that guy. Sit, elevate, eliminate. Although that guy's going to struggle with shit in because he's still wearing pants.

I have got to be honest. I've never had a shit come out so easy in my life. I reckon if you've got your legs up like that, then you get the gun on. mate bring the PlayStation PS in and just have a sit down you'd never leave to leave honestly you need and I'm saying this to you Ryan as someone who shits a lot I'm saying this to the world you need a squatty potty you will never ever regret it it is the most fucking amazing invention like oh it has oh it's amazing can I share something with you please I haven't squatty potty.

Yep. But I have a two-year-old daughter who goes to the bathroom by herself now. Yep. And she has a little... She has a little step. You're doing feet on the step? No, but like, you say I should get one, like, I've got one. Use the step.

And here I've been, like, moving the step aside, because daddy's coming through. Honest... Nah, it's okay. That's my name. It's okay. No, no, no, no. To my beautiful daughter. So all of you unscoughed, you're fucking.

faces and respect that someone is a father and an employer. I think just the way that you said, Daddy's coming through. Whose side are you on? Yours. Thank you. Fuck you, guys. Sorry, mummy. Okay, I'm with them now.

That is fucked. Yeah, no, I'm off here. No, because Charles said that and I'm like, I'm on, I agree with them. That is fucked. I don't. a dream last night that a friend had a dirty carpet and I vacuumed it. What? A dirty cup? Carpet.

Like they were just like, there's dirt on my carpet. Are you having a fucking stroke? What's going on? Yeah. And I just, it just wigged me out and I've, I've never, I have felt strange since. And when Charles said, Mommy, I was like, I haven't felt this strange since I woke up this morning. I see. Now I get the, see, we didn't know that link about you feeling strange. Reton link. as if you just went,

I came out on the carpet. And I woke up feeling strange, and that was the same feeling I had as when Charles said, Mommy, especially because that's what he calls his parents. No, he calls mother and father. My mistake.

And grandfather. My grandfather is calling for Christmas, you know, shit like that. The Squatty potty, though, you will never look back. It is life fucking changing. Charles, can you Google bum guns for under

$50. There are. There's some on Amazon for like $30 so dollars. I just don't know that I want one that only cost $30. What do you mean? Like is there something about wanting to... Look at that's legit. Look at stainless steel. Sorry, 45. Yeah, that's right. It can be here tomorrow.

$4 to install. How do you attach it? Like, you would need a plumber, right? No. So you actually it like comes to the separator so then the water coming from the like already going into your toilet you split that off yeah are you a fucking plumber i can do because the toilet's already piped up and then it uses the same pipes oh and that's why i was like

do you need a plumber to fucking straight through dude your 2020 tweaks is gonna check no but like i get it but once you've done it once in oh yep if you have a look at this photo like see how it's like it's oh oh oops it's coming off the wall and then like splits off yeah the t valve yeah they call out the Tony Valve. Okay, $46. That's pretty good. But here's the thing. You're going to go to Bali and it's going to be there built in.

And you're going to be like live life, love in another country. And then you'll do it once and you go, oh, that's interesting. Then you do it a second time and you go, okay, this makes sense. And then afterwards you'll go somewhere that doesn't have it and you'll be like, like, that's not who I am. And see this? In 12 months from this very.

minute, I'm going to show you this toilet paper again, and you're going to go, what's that? Charles, write that down for next. Popping in the calendar. Next year, we're going to open the calendar and it's going to say, Ryan holds up toilet paper and none of us are going to know what that means. I'm Mel from the Central Grace. I'm Biscuit from Berlin. I'm Carol from Prague, Czech Republic. And you're listening to Tony Ryan, Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tarpers. Michelle Booth, good on your booth. Tony Giles. Oh. We might be sisters. Do you like a window seat? What do you prefer the Giles? I prefer the window.

Yeah. Lisa, right? Good on you, Lisa. On the left on the right of the plane. The right. The right window. the right brothers L-I

Good on your L-I Blue Heron Jesse Madden Jesse Madden Sorry Amanda Jones Amanda Jones David Smith and Katrina Landon Oh Landon the plane

After you sat in the trials Sorry It's time for normal honour I love normal honour Where are we at vibe check On our staying on the podcast Until Lily gets approved for the thing

Because you weren't thinking about that when you just ordered your food. I'll eat on this pod though. I know you hate that, but I'll do it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. She's saying yes to stuff. It's not, no, no, no, it's not me. It's the people that listen.

It's the TARPAs. But you hate that for them. Yeah, I do hate that for them, yeah, as their advocate. Lil's not confident. I think, I think that could be a very long time. We could do a TARPathon. We could have already heard by now. We could be to 24 hours.

What did you just say? I think she would have heard by now. No, not necessarily. You didn't find out till like, oh, fuck. You got a miss call? Oh, yeah. From the place? Fuck, no.

Oh, you think? Let's wrap it up because you got to. No, no, no, you're all right. You're right. No, I've got nowhere to be. Is it a call about your asshole, probably? Nah, not a call about my asshole. I just missed a package.

Oh. Yeah, that's annoying. Let's do normal honor. We're going to finish whenever we do. We're not going to wait for Lily's mystery call. House. House. do you think

really no no keep on now you go nah I got nothing it sounds like you had something nah just I'm just feeling really chatty and like

why don't I read some normal on us and then you chat about them yeah I just feel so chatty though like I just want to have a mean yarn and I know we're like working but your job is having mean yarns yeah what would you like to talk about sweetie

I don't know I just feel like chatting about life i think i'm just in that mode at the goal setting you want to get deep you want to get deep yeah i do and i think i'm just like my fucking mind is firing about all this shit i want to do and because this year i feel like i had have had a couple of like random setbacks like with my foot and now with my asshole and like you know i just feel like can i blow your fucking mind for something please at our family christmas we do like what was a great thing that happened this year and stuff. And what did you say?

I said finishing my MBA. No, that's a great one. Thank you. You're a fucking champion. And then Bridge goes, like she like sits back in her chair and goes, I just realize something. We won the Webby this year. That feels like 15 years ago.

You know what? That is crazy. And I've got to your love to see it. That's going to change our lives and make sure that that never happens again. that we forget something great that time. Make sure that we never win an award ever again. Because heaven forbid. Heaven forbid.

We have the night of our lives and I fist bump Snoop Dog. That will never happen again. Your boobs were there. We met Madfitt IG. Isn't she just the fucking lovely person? I love her. She just turned 30 the other week. Didn't she look great?

Great girl. Yeah. We're backyard garden friends because she's also into gardening. So we like share photos of each other's gardens. When I broke my foot, she messaged me. She's like, oh my God. Please make sure you're taking. care and she goes oh and just letting you know like if you want any advice on like how to you

know like good rehab for your foot and stuff like I can recommend some YouTube channels or whatever like it was just so fucking wholesome I thought you wanted a message go you didn't break your foot doing one of my workouts did you? No she's like can you not tell anyone? I've also just confirmed where you're staying in Bartley it has a bade and it's a squirty bidet. Charles I'm literally fucking obsessed with you why do you know what I'm saying? You're obsessed with him it sounds like he's obsessed with you. How does he know that? Why do you know where I'm saying? Oh, you know, I know everything where about your life.

Charles knows, yeah. That is actually, he does. Yeah. What's going up your ass before you do. That's where we're at. That's where you guys are at. I know that like, we don't say this, this lightly at all. And obviously you and I. What are you about to say? No, no, no, no. And you. What are you about to say? You and I are best friends, right? Sure. as the two of us

you and I are best friends I'd just be very careful about what you're headed I think because no one else could be my best friend except you thank you

like genuinely I love you and I spend so much time with you the tier right below that I think that's where Charles and I might be do you think so

what would you call it best friends best friends can I buy that well no Est friends. Do you think that? I'm interested to know, like, on a leaderboard for you, because where does Tim sit then?

Oh, Tim. No, but you're a tears girl. I am a T. Like, be your best friend is a tier. He's a reciprocal though, Charles. Because it's like you've gone, Charles, I love you. And he just goes, that's nice. Because he's got a lot of friends.

Yeah, because he didn't say anything. He's got a lot of friends. No, like, I agree. We're like good friends, at. Oh, yeah. Like, you're giving me a barbecue, which we agreed on three weeks ago. Yeah. Are you how sitting while she's away?

yeah yeah not in Bali but when we're away for that wedding okay yeah when I'm babysitting maybes yep um I'd say that we're like pretty good friends eh yeah yeah I feel like also even if you weren't like the power dynamic like what's he supposed to say to that oh no if you do if I'm not questioning Charles I'm just saying if you weren't he would still probably have to say that that's so fair I would feel fine if you said oh probably not and of all the people you've ever met he fucking would too

he'd be like no I don't think that remember when you invited him out and he said I don't want to come no he said it's not really my generation he did say that and you know what you were probably right and so fair

but I think knowing where you're at is like fine but I think that you would be honest about that I would yeah like I think you'd be like oh yeah it's fine so

we like talk heaps Yeah. We're like good friends. Yeah. Can I say something as your former best friend? No, no, no, no. We don't, we don't do that. That's why I've felt it.

Don't say that. But I have, though. Have you? Yeah, because you'll be like, oh, me and Charles did and I'd be like, oh, we used to do that. We've never done anything. We've never done anything. Yeah, but we would not do stuff together.

Together. No, so true. Could you name one thing Tony and I have done that you would have done with her? Nothing. No, because I know Tony's go-to line And it's, I'll do anything Ah, that's true Um, but I'm just, you know, I don't, I just, I'm, I'm happy for you guys. And I think, don't do that.

No, but I am. Well, I don't get jealous about you when you're with Dave Parsons or Liam and Phil or, you know. Attention? No. No, you know you're my best friend. You know that. Don't do that. No, but it's just like you can still be best friends and be threatened.

But you don't need to be. He's fucking nothing to me compared to you. Good to know. I can see you. He's looking at him and wing like I'm sitting right here. And this is what I'm talking about. No, he means nothing to me. You would used to say that to other people and wink at me.

No, I've never done that. I've very openly said to other people, Ryan's my best friend and I'm so proud. No, you know you're my best friend I showed you a picture of my bloody asshole You actually did Yeah And I wouldn't fucking

I would not send that to anyone else Except for you sent it to Charles And you sent it to Charles for the video show No, no, no I sent him a picture of me in the hospital bed Oh I did not send him a picture of my asshole And you went yep No

No no no This is normal oner Tapa Denise in Patreon. I have Tapa Denise. Normal or not? What about Tapa de Nafew? That's very funny. Every time I say, hasn't that fucking skit by Key and Piel with the names just fucked everyone's name?

The A-A-Rom-Tee. Yeah, because I see Dinos. Yeah. Denice says, wouldn't it, denis in the last was Carrie. I'm silly, I'm silly, I'm a silly girl. Oh, no, that's not very funny. I'm going to stop right there.

Tapa Denise, says an old woman. Hi, Denise. Telling your toddler not to pick their nose and acting shocked when they do it in public, even though both you and your toddler know damn, Well, they do it all the time. Normal or nah. Normal. I can't believe she does that.

My thing is that like, everyone picks their nose. It's fine. But like, should you do it in public? Nah. And I think that that's like, fine. Yeah, we pick our nose at home or if you're in the toilet or if you, you know, whatever, in private. So fine. So fine.

But if you're at the shops or whatever, like, oh, well, probably not the most polite thing to do. The same as like. picking out a wedgy or something. I'm like, well, yeah, if you're at home, of course, you're just like, go for gold. But like, you're probably not going to do that in public. So, Mabel always, when we're swimming, it's always like her left cheek, her left little butt cheek pops out. And it's always like the same side, like it's some fucking mystery of the world.

That's not funny. And at home, it's just like hilarious. Yeah. But when we're out, I'm like, do I have to like pick your wedge from? Because you're trying to like, do I? do I pull your swimmer's over or whatever yeah because she's just like I don't know yet oh mate she's just nah she she knows oh she knows she's like to my butt she knows she knows what she knows normal or nah from type of map sorry where are you out

on the nose picking oh yeah well but the nose picking's also just like I think it's more that like pretending what we do all the time is like an anomaly yes oh we don't do that ever I agree with you yeah oh where she learned that from must have been on TV yeah yeah type of Matt hi Matt this is some real primary school shit I still hold my breath when we drive through tunnels for luck for us it was like driving past a cemetery oh yeah hold your breath I don't know like someone did it when we drove to swimming lessons and I'm like no that's the thing yeah but Matt's taken this a bit too far because he must live near like a real long tunnel and I'm scared he's going to pass out he goes um my wife times me now the

longest I've got um before getting mild dizziness was 23 seconds okay 23 seconds is not that long to hold your breath oh does everyone to hear the worst podcasting ever Charles set a timer let me have some water you count us in Charles on the screen oh Are we doing nose and mouth? What do you mean? If you're holding your breath, then you can't breathe? Oh, well, you want us to do this, yeah? But you can let breath out, you just can't breathe in, right?

No. It's like, time starts. Okay. So I can't let any breath out. No. What? Is that the, okay. Ready?

Three, two, one. It's been five seconds, six seconds, seven seconds. Tony is now not looking at Ryan. Ryan has his eyes closed. They are concentrating very much. It's only been 15 seconds. Still holding their breath. Yeah, not a lot to...

Oh, Ryan looks like he's about to tap out. Tony's trying to flash her tit. It's now been 30 seconds. Tony looks like it's easy. Ryan's not. Oh, Brian, 34 seconds. Tony's still going there? Oh, Tony's 40 seconds exactly.

I showed you my teacher trying to make you breathe. I thought you were trying to just loosen your belt. Oh, my God. 23, what a pussy. That's tough. I don't do it for lack, but I do it as like a challenge. Like to see how far I can get. I don't drive through a lot of tunnels, so I'll be fair.

They're making one underneath the office at the moment. I've heard that from me. You heard that from you? Amanda. Hi, Amanda. Sleeping nude, even when there's house guests over. I sleep completely naked every night. And when guests come over, I also do.

My husband said it's risky. But it's like, it's not like you've got a guest over and they're like, oh, maybe I'll just go and jump under the cover. covers at 4 a.m. But you would do that. I would do that. If you were sleeping at my house, no way. I don't really sleep naked a lot, unless it's real hot.

Yeah. And I'm like getting a bit overstimulated. Yeah. But I'm not really a naked sleeper. But yeah, especially if you had people, like, you know, if I've got people over and you wear, like, nicer pyjamas? No. Oh, okay. Cool.

Just to impress. Like, if I, like, because I've got a bunch of 90s and I've just had them food. People are coming over. Get the Peter Alexander's out. Yeah. Actually. Well, if I go, I've got a bunch of 90s, right? And I haven't replaced any of them.

I've probably got four. And some of them are a bit ratier than others. All that one's pretty short. It's like I wouldn't wear that if someone was like sleeping over. Or if we were all staying in an Airbnb together or whatever. I wouldn't wear those jammies on that trip. Why not? Why not?

Well, because you guys don't need to see my whole. Puss, you know. Even though you'd like to, you don't need to. I've seen it before when we're in Los Angeles. Yeah. And every time I've seen you push, you've broken your foot. That's funny. And while were you closing your ass the other time?

Nah, but when we travel now, I wear those avocado pajamas because it's like a top and shorts. Yeah. The shorts are, well, should be a safer bet. Yeah. Actually, fair about a nighty though, because I know you don't wear Nicky News under them. Yeah. So it's like, that's just... Yeah, thanks for saying Nicky News, that's sweet.

Well, they're your Nicki News. I love you. Hey. Look at us. We're best friends. We are best friends. Actually, though. Like, I think that some people might think that we just like to say that, but actually, best friends.

If you me and Charles were in a hotel, which one would sit in the seat? Can we take turns? I think I'd like to sit in the seat. That is not what I was expecting. Neither. If I'm sitting on my seat, then you guys don't have to kneel down. I can gob you from the seat You know

That's my I love to say Do we want to cut that out? Do actually like actually though Is that a bit fucked? Nah, that's Christmas You know Chapter Chapter

Half update, Lil On the 8th day of Christmas My employer got to me I've got to see it here Eight, maids a milken. Twelve, Tony's Tilkin. I have you love to see it here. Please.

And this is going to make sure that we never forget good shit that happens all throughout the year. I've got this, you love to see it from Nicole Kennedy here. She sent this through on Patreon. On New Year's Eve last year, so 2024, going into 2020, Thrive. Nicole says, my partner, Rebecca and I realized that we couldn't remember all the great things we've done over the year. So starting on New Year's Day, we decided to create a best moments of 2025 jar. We added designs with acrylic markers, like decorated the jar.

And it sits in the middle of the coffee table. So it's always out. They can always see it. By May, this year, the jar was full. Wow. So like every day or whatever, they would sit down and go like, well, this great thing happened to me or this week, this awesome thing happened. And they'd pop it on a note and put it into the jar.

And by May, it had already. been filled up. So that's a double jar? Well, probably more than one. Now we have to smush it down every time we try to add a best moment. On New Year's this year, we're going to read all the good memories from the jar and then, like, steal it up and keep it and start a new jar. Our goal is to continue to collect the jars over the years, and after we're married and

have kids, we want to open them back up and relive all of our precious memories. That is a great idea, and can I yes and it? Please. Keeping all of the jars, I reckon every year you'd, you relive your year and then you do a wild card dip into a prior year. I like that. So imagine it's 2030 and you go, oh,

chuck your hand in the 2023 and say what it comes out. Just for a little random wild card. Love that. I love that. Now, it only works and these guys sound like they're living Lovita Loka. Yeah. But imagine like you get to the end of the year and you get the jar and there's just like

nothing in that. Well, I mean. Just to rub it in. I mean, that would be awful. and maybe the reminder of the jar for some people is to remind you, you've got to fill your jar. Well, let's go out and fill our jar.

Well, some people, I think it's like the half full or half empty thing. Like some people would be like, there's heaps of room for more memories. Some people might, that might get them down. You know what I mean? That is such a, there's heaps of room for more memories is the most beautiful line. That's me at the moment. That's my energy.

Okay. Like, I've got so much room for more memories. Isn't that beautiful? it is yeah but like for some i think you would have to just figure out how that worked for you yeah yeah but i thought what would you put in the jar from the last week well i was in the ed for shit now my ass off okay too oh too maybe yeah last month um oh like putting up our christmas tree yeah seeing all about decor i just love that yeah um it's a really emotional day because it was something like so important to my mom but it's

Just like, I just love it. Yeah. Yeah. What would one of yours be? Me and Mabel have started after dinner. Mm-hmm. Because like getting the last bit of energy out before bed. Yeah.

You know, kids that fucking want to party or not. So Mabel has learned that like her bathers in a rash vest are to protect her from the sun. Yep. Which means she's learned that after dinner, we don't need them anymore. So we've been having nudie swims. That is so fun Yeah And um

Oh let me show you And but like So our ritual is like We go for a swim every night And it's just the two of us And we have and she's like Rudy nudie Now I am wearing clothes in this one

That was going to be my question Yep Um You did seem a bleeding asshole though So it's okay Mabel has started After we have a swim She washes my hair

Oh my God So cute Oh it's a video Yeah She puts the soap in Thank you She puts your head in So she puts the soap in my hair

And then just shoves my head under the shower Oh and she gets more water And she's sitting on the floor in the shower there And she's washing my hair And what's she wearing? What am I wearing? Oh my God And she pushes your head again

And you go, sorry, yep And you're wearing matching budgie smuggler Bathers? Yep So I think our little nudie swims and our little showers, that's my highlight recently because it's like our ritual now. That is so beautiful. It's our Rudy swim.

I love that so much. That's a great one. The neighbours love it. I love that. Do you have you love to see it? Yeah, that felt lucky you love to see it because it's so beautiful. I'm happy to pay that. No, I've got an extra one here.

Oh, no, this is great. Karen Lucas, this is from, and it ends well. So let me just put it up front. I was having a super rough time. And last week I had like a bit of a panic attack at work and it was just, it was all a bit too much. And I ended up crying and calling my husband from work. I'm being like, oh, my God.

I'm just, oh, I'm just feeling stressed and I feel like people are judging me, but I'm just in my head and, you know, I'm not doing it. And it's the worst feeling, no. So I made it through the day. And when I got home, My husband had a gift. And I was like, isn't that nice? And I thought it looked like some chocolates or something.

And it was actually like a little pin that she can put on her jacket. Yeah. And read what it says on the pin. Oh, it says I'm a fucking delight. And imagine that husband going, hey, just let me pin that on your tops. And because I know you're a fucking fella. And don't you forget about it. That's so beautiful.

Because you are a fucking delight, Karen, Lucas. And I fucking love to see it. you and your husband sounds like a bit of a legend thank you for sharing that that's so beautiful yeah oh what a great note to end on the week beautiful that's amazing charles do you have um something from the last week or two that would be your highlight oh what would you put in the jar charles what would you put in the jiles uh like last weekend i was like with my family and stuff of like dad's side who we don't see every year and like we had like a little family Christmas And it was just, like, nice, like, seeing everyone.

Yeah, that is nice. His mom's side's not great, but dad's side. Dad side. We're seeing mom's side actual Christmas this show. Oh, they got the big call up this year. Yeah, I've got a bit of a... One of those. One of those coming up.

Yeah. Coming up on December 25. Spoiler. Yeah, try and figure out which is the contentious day. Spoiler alert. Yeah, spoiler alert. Yeah, spoiler up. He might be the same day.

He runs with their family. Yeah. I reckon it's sometime between the 24th and the 26th. Do you want to catch up? Oh, I'm busy on the 25th. That's the only day I've got free. That's a shame. No, I love to say it.

I was reading the biblical times the other day. And Adam says, uh, yeah, no, do it. No, this girl says. Mary is I don't know. No, this girl says, um, Adam, what's the 25th of December? And, oh, no, I fucked it.

It was about Adam and Eve and Christmas Eve. And he goes, oh, it's Christmas Eve. But it's actually not because it's the wrong day. Because that would be the 24th. But then if she said, what's days at the 24th? She wouldn't say it's Christmas. She'd be like, it's Christmas Eve, Eve, Eve. Yeah.

So, shout out to... Got some work to do on that one. That's all right. Yeah. I think I read that in a... Christmas Cracker. Yeah, and they need a lift, not me. Well, it's not right, is it?

No. Well, maybe it was the delivery by me that was off. No. All right. See you Monday. Love you so much. Love you. Have a great weekend.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Actually, but... Yeah, love you. Charles, considering I've got a spending limit, how much would you charge to install a bum gun? I'd probably take like $4.99.

No, $499 because it costs you $46. Can I pay you the difference between whatever we find on Amazon and $50? Oh, yeah, easy, yeah. All right, my week just got easier. So you don't even want to come around and see it in actual? I'll be there. Oh. And I'll use it when I'm over.

Well, that's what I'm thinking. I just need someone to help install it. Oh, yeah, nice. Nice, nice. All right. Or whoever has them. Yeah, who do you have? Love you.

Bye. Bye.