Toni and Ryan - The Seniors Semen Circuit

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

I have no words to describe this episode - it might be my fucking favourite episode MAYBE EVER. AND FOR ANYONE THAT HAS FIGURED OUT OUR CLUES - SEE YA TOMORROW!!!! Love ya xoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We are calling, I would say, pretty close to TARP royalty today. TARP royalty? John Galloway. What? Yep. I love John. John loves you.

He does. He's only human. Oh, buenos dias. Hello, John. sera. Hello, John. Hello. Top royalty as I live and breathe. This is such a pinch me moment. Now, first of all, John, where are you at the moment?

So I'm in Italy at the moment. And what time is it in Italy? It has just gone half past two in the morning. Oh, shit. John, oh, my God. You should go and get yourself some pasta. I guess there was a long queue at a coffee shop this morning, eh? Long queue.

Yeah, yeah. Now, John, recently Tony has freaked out about Aubrey Wodonga. Can you please tell me what kept you awake at night as a child? What freaks me out is the fact that there's a border that goes straight through the middle of town Queensland doesn't have daylight savings time And so you walk across, on the other side of the street it's a different hour I mean, that would freak Tony out, surely, as well.

She is freaking out right now. So there's just a road where if you live on that side of the street, you're in Queensland and that side you're in New South Wales and it's a different time. You would always miss McDonald's breakfast day because you always miss it anyway. What time is the block on? The extra half an hour.

What time is the block on? Seven o'clock is then not the right time. It's at six o'clock at next door. How do people live there? That is horrifying. Do you want to hear something harrowing for a radio person? So the people that do breakfast on the Gold Coast and they have to like do time calls, they go,

oh, good morning, you're listening to CFM. It's 8.43 in Queensland or if you're in the tweet, it's 7.43, so coming up after 8, but that'll be after 9 if you're above the here is, and like, could you imagine? No, I can't. No. Shut it down. Too much admin. Too much admin. Agree, John, and that's why you're my favourite tarp up. Too much admin. John, will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely, I'll approve today's podcast. Legend.

From the man himself. From the man himself, from his hometown of Italy. Of Italy. Hi, it's John from the UK, and I approve this podcast. Happy Friday. Hello. Happy Friday. Or Thursday night, depending on where you are in the world. Don't say it.

No. Our party is tomorrow. If it's Friday, where are you at? Saturday, 2 p.m. Oh, so the party might not be tomorrow. It might be yesterday. People might listen to this in a year's time. Oh, well, don't rock up.

If it's not now, don't. Our third birthday party is Saturday, the 17th of August, 2024. Local time. Local time, 2024. That's good. Fifth and final clue coming up shortly. Will you be doing your clue in an accent? Yes.

Yeah, g'day, the clue for day five. Nah. But first, I think we were talking about when you almost died because I choked on a chicken bone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we were. We got a message in Patreon about that and they were like,

I'm really glad that Ryan coughed that up because that happened to my dad and he died. And you decided to laugh, did you? No. And then, well, she, no. Nah. Nah, but it's like, how did almost die like but funny, you know? Like it's just about funny.

So this segment like has to be a bit funny when you almost die. Yeah, yeah. Because if you like. Because almost dying like, oh, my God, I was in a really tragic accident or whatever, but like didn't die, like came through. Wow, that's amazing. But this is like how did you almost die like but funny. But funny.

But funny. And, you know, you can laugh about it now because you didn't die and because it was like a funny circumstance. Not that it's funny that people die. Should we? You know, I just feel like I've got to get all of that out. Should we? Disclaimer, disclaimer.

Here's the rule. Yep. If Tony decides that it is funny, then it's fine. And if she decides it's not that funny, then you should have died. They're all funny. They're all funny. Oh, jeez. That's heavy, mate.

We're in party mode. We've got a party tomorrow depending on the local time that you're in. Yeah. If you died over here, would they transport the body back and would it be in business class? I mean, they're going to transport the body back, but I'm going to drive to the party, so just pop it in the Audi and drive it back.

She won't be driving home, though. You know what I'm saying, guys? Yeah. No, no, no, no. A huge roomy boot, though. Yeah, I know. Sweetheart. I don't mean the car.

Anyway. Michaela, almost dead dead but funny but funny i hope because if it's not funny then you should have done no ryan john mckayla i thought i was going to die when i tipped a whole bag of whiz fizz into my mouth now that is terrifying. I went to just do like the little tap. Yeah. And the whole bag went and just hit the back of my throat. What a way to go. I knew as soon as I said the line hit the back of my throat, that could have been the end of Tony for the day.

It hit the back of my throat. Say it again. Sorry. And it felt like I was suffocating. Am I wrong? I lived alone and all I could think- Hang on, this is an adult? Yeah. I thought that meant we're not very kids.

I lived alone. Okay, pop quiz. When was the last time you ate Whiz Fizz? Yeah. I like the kids version. Yeah, probably a while ago. Thank you. Tony's gone.

There's a couch in our office and Tony is no longer at the table. She's on that couch. Let me read this last bit from Michaela. Maybe that's what she meant. That would kill you.'s on that cat. Let me read this last bit from Michaela. Maybe that's what she meant. That would kill you. Yeah, that would. Obviously, I'm joking. I'm not in the men's hockey team at the Schmoolympics.

I lived alone. Fuck me. I lived alone and all I could think about was the headline, local adult dies from children's sherbet. We need to move on. There's too much in that. If the whiz fizz hit your eye, it would fizz up in your eye. So imagine it just like.

Do foam over like a snail on salt. Yeah, she was like a foaming dog with rabies. Okay. Trying to cough it up. Did you ever do? Oh, fucking that's brought a visitor with it. Yeah. What a disgusting thing I've just said, which is not actually a saying.

I've just made that up. Did you ever, when you were like, you know, 18, probably early 20s, whatever, do the cinnamon challenge? No. But I saw enough of it online to know that that's not for me. I did it. Absolutely horrific. Because it just, all the moisture in your mouth, gone.

I've done like a Weet-Bix thing and it's the same. It's just so dry. But like Weet-Bix takes a little second, cinnamon, instantly, it's all gone and you just choke because you can't like get any purchase on anything and you just like spew it back out. It's disgusting. Yeah, it sounds like a great time. Everyone should try that out this week.

Maybe we should do that at a party tomorrow. No. The whispers. No, the cinnamon. The kids' whispers. Yeah. The adults' whispers. No.

No, no, no. The booger sugar. Is that what they call it on the streets? The main streets? What do they call it here? I don't know what to say because I don't know. What do you reckon someone would sound like trying to order it here? Go on.

Am I allowed to do this? I think they would maybe use the word brav. Go on. How would they order it? Pretend I'm the local Viz Viz dealer. Hello, mate. No, no, and you order like a local would. G'day, brav.

You olden, maybe? Yeah, I'm olden. What are you chasing, love? What are you chasing, love? You here for a good time? You got any whiz for me? Whiz. Yeah, I got some whiz for you, sweetheart.

You got a cash? You got 50 quid. Oh, I just can't stop a headache. 50 quid. You got a headache? You don't want any of this then? They don't want to help you? Oh.

You already talk enough by sounding things. You don't need any help with that. Oh. Oh, mate. No, I'm real desperate. That was a dramatic replay of something we've never seen before. I don't think that's what they sound like in Rio de Janeiro. You're in Melbourne. Good day, bro.

Hey, can I have some whiz fizz? Sorry, Adam. That was California hot girl. That wasn't good. Amanda. I put it. You're not going to say that when you found out what happened to Amanda. Oh, sorry.

Yeah. Oh, but funny. It's funny. Well, again, we'll decide. Oh. I put a bobby pin into a wall socket and electrocuted myself and technically did die for a few moments. Oh.

Oh. What the fuck did you put a bobby pin in a wall sucker? My mum found me unconscious and I was blue. So she started shaking me and I started breathing again. Then as I became conscious and my mum was shaking me, I was like, oh, mum, get off me. So embarrassing. Like she was the crazy one.

What the fuck? You put a bobby pin in the wall? See what happens? Curiosity quite literally killed Amanda. Yeah. I can't believe that the mum brought her back to life. Evanescence. She's a hero.

Wake me up. Wake me. I meant bring me to life. Is that also Evanescence? Wake me. Oh, it's the same song. Wake me up. Just a different bit. Where are Evanescence? Wake me up. Oh, it's the same song. Wake me up. Just a different bit.

Where are Evanescence from? Canada, I think. Oh. Which is where we aren't. Oh, who knows? They're American. Oh, forget us anything. America.

We also aren't there. Not in this economy. Destiny. My best friend was driving us when she choked on a Skittle. She couldn't breathe. She started panicking and we're still flying down the road. It was a real Jesus take the wheel moment. And I literally from the passenger seat drove us to safety.

Choking on a Skittle. Yeah. Imagine explaining that. Thank God they were both okay. Yeah. Because you would just panic, wouldn't you, and you just don't know what to do. It's like, yeah, well, I didn't know what to do.

Pull over. Push the brake. Hit the brake. Tori, my husband choked on a nerd's candy corn and I had to Heimlich maneuver him. Imagine being taken down by something so small. Like nerds. That's what I said about Ryan. Yeah.

Or like of all those times you bullied nerds in high school and now look who's laughing. I'm so sorry. I don't think I can keep going. I've got one more. And it's French Bulldog related. Oh, no. The dog survives.

Oh, thank God. 17 others, though. Oh, Brian. No, they're all good. Amy Marie. Hi, Amy Marie. And it's her own fault. So, you know.

Oh. You know. I'll be the judge. My three children and I go roller skating. Oh, sick. And I decided to the judge. My three children and I go roller skating. Sick. And I decided to take our French bulldog Coco with us. So I had her on the lead. Yep.

And my favorite thing to do as a child, it didn't work very often because my dog Zach was like. Right. His name was actually Zach. Same color. I would like sit on a skateboard. Yes. And pretend that like, and he'd like pull me along.

Like a sleigh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but obviously. E-I-G-H. But Zach, you know, they go sniffing and it doesn't really work. Yeah. He wasn't actually.

But you think that when you go, yeah, they'll run off like snow dogs. No, I'd fucking, I totally get it. We had two German shepherds. You think I didn't try and attach myself to them on a skateboard? You're fucking joking. So we're cruising along, going great, until Coco sees a bunch of birds and she just loves chasing birds. So instead of going straight down the path,

she takes off sideways across the grass. And you're attached on your roller skates. Now, we all know that roller skates don't like soft grass. They need a hard surface to roll over. So one of my legs gets stuck in the grass while the other leg keeps going following Coco. Now, I'm a 38-year-old mother of three, and one of my kids goes, Mum, I didn't know you could do the splits.

And the mum goes, I can't. Coco finally came back. The kids all laughed, and I was limping with a torn arsehole for a month. Every time I ask me what happened, I have to explain that I tore my arsehole because I was rollerblading with a French bulldog. Sounds cool, though, doesn't it? Almost died, but kind of funny.

Yeah, but funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, it's John from the UK, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. You know how some people go overseas and come home with an accent because they live there for five years? Tony's been here for three minutes. Yeah.

But I've been practicing for a while. Years. Yeah. This is my Olympics. Mark, good on you, Mark. Thank you so much. Tanya Cluckers, good on you, Tanya Cluckers. I fucking hardly know her.

Anna, good on you. Anna the fucking hardly knowers uh anna good on you uh anna twisselton sorry erin gray renee cargill and alissa thank you very much being part of a patreon absolutely love to see it and the video shows will return on friday august 30 and uh youtube baby on youtube so there's been a little bit of dispute in the comments about will it not be on Spotify anymore? You can still listen to the audio of Friday's shows on Spotify just as normal. So on Spotify, Monday to Friday, audio episodes as usual. But the Friday version, if you like to watch, is now on YouTube. It's actually like wider for people to be able to watch it.

Yeah, and I think a lot of people are saying it's a lot easier for some to watch YouTube on their TV screens. I don't know why. Yeah, because – I'm not a technical guy. It's all built in. It's just like a bit simpler. I watch a lot of YouTube on TV.

Same, same. It's actually really good. But anyway, so our next Friday, Friday the 30th, will be our next video episode. Won't be next week because we'll still be somewhere else where we – Abroad. Who? Yeah, bring a couple of abroads back to the Airbnb.

Tony's been picking up in the local clubs. G'day, bruv. Hello, sweetheart. That's me in Declare. We are having a party. Find out where in the world it is and you're invited tomorrow. Yeah. 2 p.m. Saturday.

Tomorrow, depending on the local time. So it's not tomorrow. It'll be not tomorrow because it's still Thursday. So it's Saturday. What's the date? The 17th. Saturday the 17th, 2024, 2 p.m. local time. Local.

And now it's time for the fifth clue. Should I say the line? I'd love for you to say it. I did yesterday's. Clue five for where our party is, 2 p.m. Saturday. The fifth and final clue. We've booked a tavern for the tarpers, the greatest people on earth. Isn't that right?

Parking could be an issue, so get the train. Tavern for the tarpers, the greatest people on earth. Isn't that right? Parking could be an issue. Get the train. So get the train. We've booked a tavern for the tarpers, the greatest people on earth. Parking could be a problem. Yeah. Get the train.

Yeah. Yeah, then you don't have to park. Yeah, but how many people do you reckon are going to come? Hopefully lots of people come. Do you reckon that like because we can't have too many people because otherwise I won't be all those people can't fit into the. They won't fit in the tavern. The tavern. The people won't fit in the tavern.

Yeah, they'll have to sit in the park. Yeah. With all the other bruvs. Oh, hello, we're in the park. Couldn't get into Tony and Ryan's party. Yeah. That's what they'll say. Couldn't get in with the people.

All the people in there, so we'll sit in the park. Wish we were in the tavern, innit? That's them. Yeah. That's what they'll say. Couldn't get in with the people. All the people in there, so we're sitting in a park, wish we were in a tavern, innit? That's them. Yeah. That's actually like what it will be like. Yeah. That's exactly what we'll hear. Or do you reckon they'll be fancy like, hello, I'm here for the tapas.

Oh, okay. No, we're not. Imagine if Julie Andrews comes. Is she the one who's married to the Danish prince? Fuck off. All right. I actually have some housekeeping for the party. There is a little bit of housekeeping.

So the capacity is an issue. So first in best dress, basically, we can't control that. So just letting you know. We'll do our best to say hi, but we can't control things. Yeah, like that's not up to us, unfortunately. Yeah, it's a pretty big city. I don't think it is. Do you know there's twice and a half many people in this city

as there is in all of New Zealand? We're in a small town. I just dropped a great fact. We're in a small town. You can't get the train to the party. There isn't one. There's no train system. There is lots.

I'm doing well. I know what you're doing. Throwing people off the scent. The scent is strong. A bit more housekeeping. This is like the biggest flex fucking first world problem ever. Sound like dickheads. Sound like dickheads.

You sound like an absolute pork pie. Oh, I'm going to eat such a fucking pork pie. I'm also going to eat a Scotch egg because I reckon a Scotch egg might be my favourite food. Have you ever had a Scotch egg? We're going to eat fucking thousands of Scotch eggs. I don't think I've had a proper Scotch egg. Philadelphia, where we are. Oh, the Philly cheesy egg?

Philly steak. Yes, exactly right. The very same. Famous for it. Please, this, again, I sound like a fuckhead and it's embarrassing to say this, but like don't bring. No gifts. No gifts because.

Even though it's a birthday party, we understand it's a very, very kind intention. We're traveling life. We've got a flex fare. Yeah, and Tony's a bit funny about going back through customs with stuff that she doesn't know what's in it. Especially if it's

related. We don't want to end up on border security. Or do we want to end up on border security? I do. But not because I've got anything. There's a local version here. In fact, is this the original? I don't know. The airport.

The airport, yeah. Anyway. But, yeah, so no gifts because. We appreciate it. Like, thank you. Like, people bring. I get the intent. It doesn't fit in our luggage.

It's a whole thing. And I don't want to throw anything out. Like, that's heartbreaking. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. If anyone does bring a gift, I'm going to re-gift it to other tarpers. Oh, so the next person in line here you go hope you want this thing with my face on it if 10 tarpers bring gifts 10 tarpers are going to leave with gifts they're not like an old you know i'll just rotate them

yeah maybe we'll just do like bad santa or whatever that thing is they all just do a little speaking of bad santa um so oh this is good news well it depends which way you look at it really there's good and bad news i mean every day all right the good news. Well, it depends which way you look at it, really. There's good and bad news. I mean, every day. All right. The good news is my cousin Rach has had a baby. Baby text. Are we allowed to announce that?

Are we? I hope you haven't just scooped her information. I'll check with her. Yep. She's had a baby. Yep. And it's an issue for the family because we, when we do our secret Santa. Yep.

We all bought presents like 10 years ago and we've just been re-gifting the same 10 gifts because it's like bad Santa. Like it's like a joke. Yeah. So every year it's just like the same presents from last year and everyone just puts them back into the pile. What if you get something you actually like? Well, that's the thing.

I think the joke started because they were shit. Yeah, right. So I once got this broom that's just like all it is is long. Like I think it's Balinese or something where it's just like these long. Oh, I know the one you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. And so I took it home and I got a broom for Christmas. And then so next year someone unwraps it and I'm like, fuck the broom. Oh, I got the broom.

And then I think I got from an OB at Harvey Norman back in the radio days. Oh, so when you were doing a live broadcast. Yeah, in radio. I think we got a make your own mini pie maker, but like for kids, like a little sandwich press with a little pie. Yeah, I know the ones you're talking about. Yeah. And so that's been doing the rounds in our family.

So what happens when you, I guess this is where you're getting at, but like what happened when like Bridget joined the family or like Rachel's partner Darcy? Yeah, and now there's another kid involved and now I'm like, fuck, well, this just throws out the rotation. Well, but what happened last year with Mabel? Did you have to add another person in? I think so.

And she goes, oh, fuck, I got the broom. Really wanted the broom, my God. so i could look at that for 12 and then literally every year go oh family christmas tomorrow fuck open that cupboard what do we got oh we've got the broom this year oh we've got the broom yeah that's quite fun i think the new people bring bottles of fireball and they don't leave yeah the party yeah but now there's like too much fireball because everyone's because there's always a new boyfriend or girlfriend or- Yeah, so speaking of regifting, Tapa Jazz Kimberley- Hi, Jazz Kimberley. Has a regifting story for us.

Now, I want you to say if you rate her Nana's work or not. Oh, okay. Actually, and this sentence might be- Regifting is fucking- It's an edgy subject, I feel. Yeah. I reckon everybody's- We're going to do it tomorrow at our party. Local time, depending on edgy subject, I feel. Yeah. I reckon everybody's.

We're going to do it tomorrow at our parties. Local time, depending on. Depending on where you are. Hello, governor. What time is it? I'll have to check on the big clock they got here. On the big Ben Twig. On the big Ben Twig. On the Big Ben Twig.

What I was going to say, though, is I think that everyone has been the victim of being re-gifted at some point or another or seen it happen in real time. It's pretty savage. Obviously, yours is like a great game. Have you actually been a recipient of a savage one? I haven't, but I've seen it happen. Go on. Yeah, so my mum had actually been a recipient of a Savvy time? I haven't, but I've seen it happen. Go on.

Yeah, so my mum, like, had bought someone a present one year for Christmas and it was obviously like, oh, I'll give them one of the candles from the cupboard. And then obviously, you know, our next door neighbour also had a candle cupboard and gave mum the same one back the following year. And mum was like, I'm certain that they've just, like, popped that in their candle cupboard, taken it back out the following year and gone, what could I get Liz?

I just give her something small. Do they know that she knows? I don't think so and I obviously can't ask now. And she took it to the grave. Took it to the grave, yeah. That sounds so important but obviously like but, yeah, and just the look of the like, oh. Thank you. I know what you've done. look of the light. Oh. Thank you.

I know what you've done. It's the eyes. Hmm. Beautiful. I'll tell you what is fun. It's not re-gifting, but it's similar energy because, like, I feel like a candle is just, like, an easy go-to. Yeah.

I think for guys, especially when you're, like, 20, 21. Oh, say it on three. No, one, three, two, one. Leaks Africa. Oh. Oh. It isn't a re-gifting, but I went to- That was in my mind because maybe that's where we are.

I went to a party and it was like four of us, our birthdays. Yeah. And me and Dave Delaylan both got each other a bottle of Jim Beam. Yeah, yeah. So it wasn't a re-gifting, but we were like- Oh, swap ya. Yeah. Yeah.

Because a candle is an easy gift for, oh, no, just grab a fucking candle. Yeah, or like, you know, you get a free gift sometimes when you buy something from Maya, right? So you buy something from Maya and it goes, oh, if you buy the 200ml perfume, you get this little gift set. I've been gifted one of the gift sets, like a mini set of something. Yeah, I just spent over $200.

They just went out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, was Jenny working at Maya, the perfume counter at Maya? She's great. Yeah, a bit set of something. Yeah, you spent over $200, did you swear that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, was Jenny working at the perfume counter at Myer? She's great. Yeah, a bit of that gear. Tell me about Jazz Kimberley. Did I just get that name right? You did.

Fuck me. That was incredible. Tapa Jazz Kimberley. My Nana is a demon on the local senior centre raffle circuit. Oh, my God. When you said senior, I thought you were going to say seaman. My Nana's a demon for the seaman. And I just, I thought, fuck, you can't read this, can you?

My Nana is a demon for the seaman. Just ask my grandpa and my 68 cousins. and my 54 aunties and uncles the 38 different buttons oh she's just a demon for the semen. Sorry, Nana. Demon for what? I actually didn't even listen to what you said. The local senior centre raffle circuit. So all the local in the area, all the senior centres would have their raffles

and she would just be hitting them up and just dominant. Not to be confused with the local senior centre semen circuit. She's just rotating around. The semen seniors. Yeah, you see them coming. And she'd always end up winning the raffles because she was buying so many tickets. You know, she's just rocking up.

Oh, yeah, g'day, guys. We're fucking ten tickets here. Fucking bang. So, Tapa Jazz Kimberley says, every time Nana buys us a Christmas present, it always comes in a basket with cellophane in the big box. Yeah, with a ribbon on the top. Oh, some nice towels.

Oh, isn't that lovely? That's amazing. And then she goes, as Grandma, oh, sorry, Nana got a bit older, she didn't get out as much. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. This is a great story. I'm sorry, Jess.

She didn't get around as much anymore. The village courtesy bus. Meals on wheels. But it was just three blokes who got dropped off at a house. Meals on wheels, it's an old guy on a cycle. What do you call Tony in an Audi? Meals on wheels, baby, what a snack.

Dinner's here. Yeah, so anyway, she got older and she stopped winning raffles, so the prizes started getting shit. Like the Christmas presents dwindled when the raffle did. But the real loser of that story is the gentleman who- The semen seniors. They're just sitting around with a non-sock dick. Remember Ella Russell when she used to come around?

Fuck. That is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jazz Kimberley. I don't know if it's better or worse. Not like classical Kimberley. Is it better or worse if Jazz Kimberley is. Jitterbug Kimberley.

Ballroom Kimberley. ballroom kimberly tony don't pass away before the party um beep that that we're beefing that beef it yeah beef it beef it is it better or worse if jazz Kimberly's Nana's still with us? You know what I mean? Probably better for all the blokes. That's it.

That's it. Finish. Yeah, okay. No, no. No, no. I've got a You Love Just Eat It from Jenny Coulter. Hardly know her. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

Jenny says, she said this through on Patreon. My husband and I are about to... About to hit the raffle circuit. About to become some semen demons. My husband and I are about to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. That's nice. But this one's extra special to us because it's our second marriage. Oh.

To each other. Oh. Jenny says, we got married young, immediately had two boys back to back and things were just really tough so we ended up divorced. Yep. We were separated for several years but found our way back to each other and got married again in 2019.

Oh, wow. We never hit the five-year mark in the first marriage so we're celebrating by taking a big trip to Universal Studios in Florida. That's such a fun trip. Yeah. Second, fifth. Second, fifth a fun trip for a second, fifth. Second, fifth, tenth. Just the two of us. We're super excited since we haven't had a trip,

just the two of us since our first honeymoon about 13 years ago. But I just thought that was such a sweet story. I love that. Like things get tough and you go, you know what, we need some time apart and they found each other again. And how special for their kids. Yeah. Don't you reckon as well?

Like those two boys are like, oh, yeah. Mum and dad are back together. Mum and dad are back together. And it's like, you know, I thought that was really, really sweet. Yeah. And I really hate that I've chosen this one now. Oh, no. I mean, we came off the semen demon. How bad could it be?

Oh, shit. The term came off the semen demon is also not great. The senior semen demon. How bad could it be? Oh, shit. The term came off the semen demon is also not great. The senior semen demon. So in your area, in your country town, back home, is... Back home. How are the roads? Oh, wide for the horses to get through. But like potholes, are they pretty good?

They're in good nick? They're okay. Because you know sometimes there's some areas that have just been like abandoned. A bit neglected. So. Too much whiz-whiz. Fuck, was that today's episode? Fucking hell.

That bit, oh my god. I'm going to be sick. Can you please hurry the fuck up? I've got to go. So. I've got to go see the sights. Use my eye. Both of them I'll use.

Are we in Ireland? That's good. No, it's not a part of it and don't mention it. I don't like that. They've filled in the potholes really badly. So they tried to fix them and the council or whoever's just done a really shit job of it. In your area?

No, no. Someone submitted this in and I need a shout out to Kerith Sims for sending it my way. Hi, Kerith. So they've, sounds like a fake name. It does sound like a fake name. That's okay. And so someone.

That's exactly what I was about to say. And I thought that's nasty. Then you've said it. Now we're semen demon Kerith. Yeah. Okay. Kerith. Someone's graffitied the work of. Now we're semen demon Kareth. Yeah, okay, Kareth. Someone's graffitied the work of the council as trying to fix the potholes. Oh, shit.

And can you read out what they've written? Fuck, this is the longest drink for the shittest drink of water or whatever the fuck that saying is. Okay, there's a... Oh, it does look fucking crook-ass. Looks like someone's just dragged a bunch of shit on the floor. Have seen holes filled in better on Pornhub. I mean, when you're a demon for the semen, of shit on the floor. Have seen holes filled in better on porn half.

I mean, when you're a demon for the semen. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's a funny line, but I think the fact someone's committed to it and spray painted onto the road. They've spray painted onto the ground. Mum? Yeah. What does that mean?

Ask your nana. The road work is atrocious, though. Yeah, and it deserves it. It's fucking shocking. It deserves to be dragged. I can't laugh anymore. I think I'm exhausted. Well, let's have a big rest.

Yeah. Depending on local time. Depending on what time zone we're in, it'll either be one or two sleeps till our party, but we'll see you at 2 p.m. Yeah. On Saturday. The 17th. The people will be there.

The parking, not great. Yeah, so I would get the train. To the tavern. To the tavern. Also, capacity. Just have to let everyone know. And also, we aren't feeding you. Have lunch before you come.

Have dinner after you leave. Drink some. Drink some, Tony. We'll have a little bev. We'll buy you a little pint. And then afterwards, maybe we'll pop on the kettle. Kettle. You inviting people back to our place?

No. Fuck no. Chickens! No fucking way. All right. Love you. What if I do? No.

I will actually never do this podcast with you again. That would be the end for sure. If I brought people back? Yes. That would be that end. Like, see ya. people back. Yes. That would be that end. Like, see ya. And we'd end on Seam and Demon. Is that what you want?

I don't want that to be the last episode. Exactly. So don't fuck with me. We're staying in a lovely little Airbnb though. And I've just gotten word. There's an espresso machine, but we've got to buy our own pods. That's how they get you, isn't it? I got an email from the Airbnb.

I'm not even fucking joking. I'm like, yes, like how do we log in? Like how do we fucking whatever? And he goes, oh, just let you know there is a coffee machine, but you do have to bring your own pods and like it's not included and I'm just letting you guys know that. They are the standard Nespresso pods. No, we don't supply them.

Do we get them from Tesco's? They are the standard Nespresso pods. No, we don't supply them. Do we get them from Tesco's? Or maybe from the corner shop of the... Sainsbury's. Harrods. Harvey Nichols. I reckon they've got...

That's actually a good reference. Tony, beep that. Beep that. Yeah, because the rest of it is... Yeah, we're really flying under the radar. Local time. Actually, there's something

else I need to mention. What? What? We're going to record Monday's episode straight after the party. So I recommend feeding Tony

as much drinks as you can because Monday's episode is going to be off the fucking chain. No, I'm going to be on the lemon squashes. We're going to, so the fucking chain. No, I'm going to be on the lemon squashes. So Saturday night after the party, we're going to hit record. Which is why you can't invite anyone back.

Oh, because we've got to podcast. Because we've got to work. Yeah, mate, we're claiming this on tax. I mean, obviously. But like, hit record. Oh, ah, tax. International travel. All right., taxidermy. International travel. All right.

Love you. Love you. See you tomorrow, but not actually tomorrow because of local time. See you Saturday. Love you so much. See you Saturday, the 17th of August, 2 p.m. The aliens, the high. 2024.

2024. The aliens, the highways, and the churches, they're all going to be there. Love you so much. Bye. Bye. Love you. Bye. Bye. Love you. Bye.