Toni and Ryan - The Sexiest Text Ever Sent

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

[VIDEO FOR THIS EP AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE] Wontoni Soup - Texting confession - Australia's Golden Couple - love ya!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is sponsored by the Audible original Pride and Prejudice, an intimate performance that will have you falling in love with the Jane Austen classic all over again. One of the greatest romance novels ever written. Your wife Bridges are Pride and Prejudice fan, isn't she? Huge, loves it. Well, she'll love this. It stars a full cast, including Marisa Abella, as Elizabeth Bennett, and Harris Dickinson as Mr. Darcy, plus Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill

Nye and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine DeBerg. This new adaptation is vibrant and modern with an original new score by a Grammy-nominated composer. Whether you're fresh to Pride and Prejudice or want to revisit a cherished favourite, you're in for a new and delightful listening experience. Listen to the new Pride and Prejudice at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Even though you can't handle it, I personally can't wait to... Unfortunately, I sent that to my family group chat instead of my boyfriend. No. I'm going to be sick.

I'm Tori from Virginia in the US. Hi, I'm Stacey from Caramboy, Australia. This is Natalie from Manchester in the UK. I approve this podcast. I'm stressed. There's a new place near me and it's like a wellness place that makes you feel good

and it does the opposite. Yeah. So there's a wellness centre opening like 200 metres from my house and they've got a cafe in the car park. I mean, already you've lost me. No, but it's like a popper. It's cool.

Like they've done it well. Is it like her seating and stuff? Is the seating like pallet furniture? You remember when that really? It really had a moment. It did. And I loved it. And I wish that moment was still with us.

But it's sort of like, no, they've done it really nice because it's, I think it's above pallet furniture. Oh. Like it's a nice place. But they're currently building it. But while they're building it, the cafe's already open. Because, you know, they're getting some customers getting to meet the community. You know, the lady that has built it, she was like chatting to everyone. How's the food?

Everything okay. Anything like, I love it. Yeah. Everything's going great. So I'm like, I'm going to support this. New thing down the road. Yeah. Me and Mabel go down there.

Yep, I'll get an ice latte. Mabel will get a little babuccino with oat milk. Let's sit down and hang out. It actually said they wrote, you know how they write like whatever on the top? They wrote BC for baby Chino. And then, yeah, yeah, my mum comes down and goes, what's B.C? Before Christ. Before chopsticks.

And so Mabel's having her coffee. Dad's having his coffee. Very cute. And... In the car park. Yeah, but on the nice... They're nice seats. Sorry.

Yep. They're not pallet. And then I go, well, what happens when you have a coffee? Got a poop pants. Yeah. And I go, good-day, man. Where's the bathroom? They go, we haven't finished building those yet.

Oh, the toilet's there, but it's not hooked up to anything. I don't even know if it's there. They're just like, we're not up. No, sorry. Like when you walk through IKEA and they go, do not use these toilets? Yeah. And I'm like, you just serve me coffee. This is a place of relaxation.

What am I? Do you think legally? I don't think so. In a place serving caffeine that they must have a place that you can then poo after? I would have thought it's the law that if you serve stuff that makes you shit, you need to have a place for that shit to go. Actually. Surely.

Well, maybe that's like the cowboy. of having a cafe in a car park or it's like when you go somewhere and they like give you all this stuff but then they don't have a bin you know what you like do you know what i mean i just feel like universal experience of being like so i obviously am not going to be a scumbag and like leave my stuff here but like what do you want me to do like what's the plan you've you haven't thought this through yeah and but and here's the thing i think there's a few because they've just opened their house can you shut the fuck up I've got a berry stuck in my throat.

Oh, not very relatable. Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. I've got a berry stuck on my throat. I'm sipping on this banana and berry smoothie with oat milk that I made Ryan get me this morning. I've got a whole poison berries stuck in my throat. Do you know after the ordeal of shitting in a place where you can't shit? And then I had to get you an oatmeal berry thing on the way to work.

And then I had a stand off with the girl at Muffinbrake. I'm very appreciative of it. Thank you so much. Apparently not. Just fucking ruining our show. Totally appreciation. your lungs. Anyways, the place that helps you relax did not make me relax.

And being told there's no toilet makes you need to share. Oh, 1,000%. Yeah. I don't even have as sensitive tummy as you. Yeah. But like the second you know that you can't go to the bathroom, you're like, what am I going to do? Do I run home?

I also drink a lot of water. Yeah. And so that's my stress is that I'm like, well, if I know that I can't wait, it's like when you go to, I'm having some water now, it's why can be stressed. so when you go to a home open and you go oh my god oh like if you're you know when you're looking for a house i've put it at open home we've talked about this yeah we've talked about this before but like you know if you go oh we've lined up three and you know they're 20 minutes between each thing by the time you're getting up there and you go oh we'll kill a bit of time and get a coffee

and then you look at it and you go well what's the plan now what are we going to do no it's not good Yeah. I refuse to have coffee before an open home now. I've learned the hard way. You have to be smart. Fremantle real estate's learnt the hard way. It was in Fremantle, was it? Yeah, I've done it multiple times. But that was the first one where it was like, bad. Like, you could tell someone to just had a real fucking red hot crack in there. Oh, he wanked.

You had a shank. A shit wank. I've told you that's not a thing. Oh, it is. Look at Charles. No, it's really not. And I, like, they combine two of my favorite things. I would admit it. Just because you do it a lot doesn't mean it's necessarily your favorite thing. Sometimes you have a good one.

You go, oh, that was good. I love a good poo. You know when you do a poo that afterwards you feel like at peace? Yeah. Yeah. And you just go like, there's nothing in there in the best way. like the peace and the wellness and the tranquility that you experience they should offer it at the wellness centre for that reason they should just have no coffee but just toilets when you have

a poo that like allows you to reach nirvana i feel like no one's talking about that well they've really mucked that up then haven't they mocked it up yeah they've mucked that up they've mucked that up they've mucked that up yeah and watch you watch this space will there'll be frequent updates on the new wellness center at the end of my street what's the deal with the wellness center what have they got in there well i think nothing yet but i think well it used to be a um a yum char which all wellness centers used to be doing dumplings in yeah that's what i'm i know i know you've got massage but are you still doing the sui maize yeah shumai fuck imagine dream scenario you're in a float tank and floating around you is just

little dumplings and then so when you feel a little bit peckish you've already rubbed one out because you're in a float tank and then you go I'd love a shumai I'd love a fucking steam pork bun yeah imagine that you guys got me squid legs back there that is my dream scenario if you're floating in a wontong soup you are a wantong one toni That is my dream. I don't think you understand. But yeah, I feel like wearing a sheet because now I'm on Tongue. Yeah, they're on the bit of grease-proof paper.

Yeah. That sounds fucking delicious. Well, when the lady came over and said, how is everything? I should have been like, yeah, it's fine, but I got a hot tip. You have to lean into Noble House's past. And in your saunas, in your steam rooms, keep the suey mice. And while you're steaming me, steam up a dim steam. Steam up a pork bun.

You know, do, have it work for you. Okay, I was offended about having coffee and no toilet. I would not be offended if I got in the steam room and there was a bunch of pork buns sitting next to me. And they're like, oh, the steam room has two jobs. Not only would I not be offended by that. is multitasking. Not only would I not be offended by that, I would pay extra.

Yeah, 100%. And I've inserted in my fucking water bottle. That's soy sauce sauce in there. Just dab a little bit on the top. All good. All good. Mate, we should be chatting to this business. We should start our own.

A competing one. Yeah. At the former Yumjar across the street. from the other Yomchar in research out of America. I've just got one real quick confession. Okay. These are top confessions. Thank for sending them through at tony and ryan.com.

This is sexy. So we just need to like take a... We just did get pretty sexy. I know, but we just need to... Take a breath. Not you, Charles. Fucking hell, Charles. Did you?

Do you hear him do a big breath? Shut up. Fuck it, now. Yeah, someone put a fucking pork bun in him and shut him the fuck up. Put the berry back in your throat, I reckon. Go drink a coffee and don't shit. Yeah, toilets are off limits today, guys. Anonymous Tapa says,

This is what I texted my boyfriend. It's fucking, are you ready for this? I don't know. Even the, even reading this is feels, No, it feels. Is it horny? Yeah. I don't know.

I think you should read it out. Oh. I can. Do you want to pass me the iPad? How do I text from an iPad? Just pass me the iPad. Hang on. Oh, you can copies to.

Oh, no. Hang on. Let me. Yep. And then I'll go to this one. All right. Now, in a sexy voice, Tony. Read this out.

Don't read like read it as you read it. Yeah, okay. Okay, this is a sexy text from an anonymous tap-up that they sent to their boyfriend. Even though you can't handle it, I personally can't wait to do that thing with my tongue again. Even though you can't handle it, I'm doing it anyway. you can't handle it. I can't wait to do that thing with my tongue again. That actually, no, that, oh, I can't do it.

Delete, delete, delete. That is so fucking sexy. I can't sex for the life of me because I need a joke. Like, I'm like, oh, that's too, it's too serious. Like, I need to let lighten the mood here. Look at me seriously. No jokes, no smirks, no winks, no comedy. I know that's hard for you because you're a comedy queen.

And I just want you to say something really hot and sexy. you have no idea what I'd do to you if they weren't here. I want to take it back, redacted. Can you say something sexy to me now so I don't feel so vulnerable? I send you sexy stuff all the time. You did actually, you did this morning. Actually, hang on. What was the text that you sent this morning?

Yeah. While you were getting fucking oak milk for this guy. Coffee for Ryan, smoothie for Charles, juice for Lily, and a tickle on the fanny for Tony. Which is exactly what I. see we can all do it yeah that was a text good job unfortunately i sent that to my family group chat instead of my boyfriend my brother replied report this message my mom said at least someone's getting some action and dad left the chat

No. Because you know how like if someone's in a group... Oh, I'm going to be sick. Like if someone's in a group chat, it'll say the names. Yeah. But if someone leaves, it says like, Charles left the group chat. But like, I think the boyfriend was like in the group chat. So she's just seen the name and gone, yep.

Do you know what that gets me on Instagram sometimes? Because I've got heaps of group chats with you in them. Yep. And so you're the first picture on the thing. Number one, baby. And it will say like, Ryan, and two others, and that's with you guys. But, like, Ryan and one other might be, like,

Kendall or Jordan, or, you know, like, if we've sent things to each other. So when I go to send you a real, there's a million group chats, but none are just you? Because we privately send each other some pretty fuck stuff. Because we're like, this is off air only. Sexy stuff, you know. Oh, but, like, also some bad stuff. Not bad stuff.

No bad stuff. But, like, you'd hate for that to go to the wrong chat with me. Oh, my God. No. Friends who judge together, stay together. Play the same. Redact it. I'm Tori from Virginia in the US.

I'm Stacey from Carambara, Australia. This is Natalie from Manchester in the UK. You're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tappas over at our Patreon. And a few of these guys. getting calendars and one of them might be flying to Australia one of them might be our our golden ticket tapper golden ticket tapper um if you listened yesterday you would have enjoyed the sound of us being costumed up if you watched on youtube though you wouldn't hear the energy

you can't no you that a dress up provides it's ultimate silliness yeah um but a few of the people hopefully getting a calendar and the chance to not hopefully getting in calendar Getting a calendar. If they're still something. Candice Fitch, good on you, Candice. Eloise O'Donnell, Simone from Brisbane, Queensland. That's their name. That's where they're from.

Shannon, good on you, Shannon. Ozzy gal, once again, hope that you're actually Australian. Anthony Miole. Miole. Kimberly Gamo, bitch. Sampson. I was going to say that.

I was like, no one will get it. Do you know what I read? This is fucking this one's for Simone from Brisbane. in Queensland. I read an article, and it was a where are they now about hot dogs from Big Brother? He does property in Perth. Property in Perth. He owns his own brokerage in...

Yeah, Purple Bricks. Yeah. No, he doesn't work at Purple Bricks anymore. He's gone from there. Gone out on his own. That's not neat. Everyone knows about Hot Dogs from Big Brother. Anthony Mowley, Kimberly Gameo, oh, Game Mo, Moll, Samson McNerney, and Rachel Growth.

I've got a bit of a Rachel growth on me. but very exciting stuff we cannot believe that we're going to be bringing a tarpa to Melbourne it is the most exciting thing I think what we'll also do Tony is we'll maybe on a line Pippa's dog fountain is so loud

it is loud today need some water the bottle I didn't fill out for people outside of Australia. I don't have a pool so it's kind of light relaxing. It's like a water feature. I was like, oh, have you got a fountain out of the front?

You're like, no, just Pippa. And I quote, doesn't drink not moving water. She can't drink still water. Doesn't mean she like sparkling. Yeah. She means the water must be moving. It must be moving.

Yeah. For people... She catches her salmon in there. For people outside of Australia, how would you describe Maddie J and Laura Byrne? Oh, the golden couple. yeah like the couple like actually so maddie jay was the bachelor yeah um and they have the

bachelor everywhere we don't have it anymore though way it doesn't it got yeah it got yeah golden bachelor is that still a thing it's just starting it's a new season that's just on channel nine they've moved networks get fuck yeah Samantha armatage is the host god they can't get rid of her right no she's they did from seven to nine yeah she's on seven oh oh Oh my God. What's Parliament wants a wife going to do? Go back to the original awesome host than it always had. Oh, that's right.

Because she got bumped because Samantha Armitage was still under contract. Yeah. That's right. Industry chat. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, Australia's golden couple. So Laura wins the Bachelor. Yeah.

And now they're married and be like... Two kids, one on the way. She's a huge podcaster. He's a huge... They're like, the Australia's golden couple. I actually would say that they are. Yeah. They're always like, do you know,

what I saw them do last year, which literally made me want to fucking cry. It's so beautiful. They went and did like the carols by candlelight inquiries. Like they hosted it as a family. Like so it was like, so Laura and Maddie J both were like hosting it and their kids were there. That's so beautiful. It is so sweet, eh? It's like the most amazing thing.

So Maddie has a podcast called Two Doting Dads. And it's like a Dad's podcast. Yeah. He makes it with his guy, Ash. who is Tony fucking hot as fuck and he knows that Tony would do despicable things to that guy would and then the other day he posts all these pictures of his super fucking hot wife as well yeah no he's got a really really hot wife

so I'm gonna go up to Sydney to do their podcast yeah I'm staying here saying in the moonboot gestures to moon boot and I was like cool let me know where you record blah blah awesome do you know where they record no they record no they record at Matt's house. Oh my God. And you know how you said they've got two kids and one on the way? Yeah.

It's here. Poppy that was born last week. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my God. I didn't know the baby was born. So they've got three beautiful daughters. I love that I'm Poppy.

Yeah. It's so cute, isn't it? Oh, it sounds a bit like Pippa, doesn't it? Do you reckon I've copied me? Yeah. Yeah. I might have to get my lawyer up to that. Okay, so I've never met either of them,

a fan from a distance we're recording the podcast I've met Laura a few times so all good oh you did a tour with them yeah yeah you fucking know them real yeah

well I've never met them yeah let me just put all these details together for you yeah recording at their house and a baby was born last week oh

and we think Pippa's baby fountain is too much yeah but here's what I here's my concern so is he gonna be baby wearing while you're like what's the because isn't that early

that's like skin to skin time yeah but the first few weeks is like direct family short you know no hangers on no some guy from out of town with the podcast is like going to stop by

and then what's the golden rule if you turn up to a place where they've just had a kid yeah well my rule your rule is different now but you have to bring lasagna you have to bring something

and I'm flying from Melbourne to Sydney and then going from the airport to their house what is going to do I'll knit something you'll knit something you'll knit something when you're leaving

pretty soon yeah I'll knit something yeah well my question is going to be can you take a lasagna on a plane we're about to find out can you take sourdough on a plane

we're about to find out yeah definitely you just can't take fresh fruit so no jams oh no you could take a preserve Okay, but then So hang on you You're sitting down the back of the plane

And you're obviously, you're on the aisle Because you need to cheat yourself 80 times During a 45 minute flight I hate to interrupt someone And then you sit down And then the person in the middle Or the person on the window is like Sorry man, I've got to go to the toilet

But you've got this like lasagna on your knees Like you're like sorry, mate And like it's still a bit warm In the car And Bridget's in the spastic You got in the car It's still a bit of bit warm it smells pretty good like a steel warm lasagna wouldn't everyone be so fucked off

smelling that on a plane do you remember when we got on that plane and they go oh sorry australia's golden couples had a third child so if everyone could just pipe the fuck down and put your knives and forks away it's for maddie jane that's what they'll be saying they'll probably let you on the plane first do you know what i would suggest actually a lasagna for mattie jay should you should pop that down in business and then keep walking back down to your seat. If there's anyone from the military or anyone with Italian food for Australia's golden couple, which includes Tony's famous Bechamel sauce, please come forward first. You are group 0.1.

Your group 0.4 group 1. Your negative 1 group. Okay, so at the front of the plane in business class is a lasagna and a scarf knitted by Tony. needed by me. And then I'll drop that off, clip it in, and then I'll sit down the back. And then you move down the back.

Yeah. I think it's the only way. Do you reckon the lasagna would get its own carry on? Because you might be able to put a few more DJs in there. That way if we spill any lasagna, I'm assuming they're going to offer you some. That way we spill any of lasagna. Yeah, I get there.

I go, here you go, oh, thanks. And I go, we want to have some now? It's like when you take a really nice bottle to someone's house, you go, we could open that now. Or like something that you. you hell want to eat like a lasagna or a nice box of chocolate you go oh i'd love to taste those if you're having wine and someone brings wine you drink that wine you have to oh yeah i'll chuck that in the cupboard thanks bud yeah or if someone goes like oh that'll be

great to cook with and you go fucking okay what a shot to the heart yeah cooking our friendship right now dog yeah hey that's the 11 dollar bottle of wine that's good quality so knowing that you've got a couple of days, what could you knit in that time? And I'd prefer it to be personalised. Yeah, okay. No, I definitely couldn't knit anything that fast, I don't think. Say, all right, what if you, how long, just give me some options of what you could. Well, when I made this blanket, that's a nice one.

It is, thank you. No, well, for babies, you can't give them anything with a big weave. You have to give them a, has to be a really, really tight knit. Why they judge you? No, because they're little. fingers get stuck so for babies you have to give them like really small wool knitted with really little needles which means it takes ages to knit baby stuff I'm actually knitting a baby thing at the moment for the CWA so um yeah how many bachelor stars are in your local chapter

yeah um just not none are they in the golden bachelor the gray bachelor the craftula they all go on there they knit together so blank but just In general, what's a knitting options? A little hat. Oh, that's cute. A little hat would be cute. Do you do little booties? Yeah, I could do booties.

I reckon I could knit something in time. I actually, I reckon I could. And I never say can't beep that. So that's what true. You call me that every day. I reckon I could knit something. I reckon I got it in me. I'm going to need a couple of days off.

Yeah, no, that's okay. We can work with that. So, all right. Where are you up to with your sourdough? Oh, my starter's pretty fucking... I could get that back up. Yeah, all right. Okay.

So what do we need? We need bread. I reckon the sourdough on a pair of booties. Do you know what they would? Do you know, I reckon they'd post that on Instagram. Do you reckon? We could blow the fuck up. That might be what this podcast needs.

An endorsement from horror, Burn and Maddie Jay. This is a new baby. Australia's golden couple. Which I assume it's Poppy. Tony and Ryan is the middle name. Yeah. And last name.

Jay. Lodge. Oh. Well, actually, speaking of presents for a baby, I've got a present for a baby for my love to see it that I would like. to share with you. Is it that awesome segue? Sorry.

It's fallen down like three times. Yeah, sorry. No, fuck it off. That was a pretty good segue actually. I will take that. That's why I love to say it. Close your eyes. I've got an amazing love to set.

If you give me a hand job on camera, I fucking swear, I'll let you. All right. You might give me a hand job after this. All right, hang on one second. So, if anyone not watching, I'm just grabbing something that I had hidden. Isn't this so cute?

All right. Am I actually going to like this? Even it's a fucking snake, I'll be fucking pissed off. We don't do pranks. Thank you. And we don't fuck with people with their eyes closed. Okay. Two.

Yep. Open your eyes. Now I know that right now. We are in the off season. But I have bought your dog, BJ, a knitted hawks jumper. Thank you, first of all And the other part of the you love to see it Is that he can match with his cousin Pippa

Now I'm going to put my microphone down And put this on Pippa BJ's on just for now Is she gonna hate it? Oh my goodness. It looks like she's about to play. But maybe as the football. James Warple just got traded,

so there's an opening in the midfield. Isn't that so cute? A tarpa messaged about those on Patreon, I added to cart immediately. Okay, when I saw a dog's jumper, I'm like, but we go for the Hawks, thinking it was like, no.

And they have them at Kmart. Isn't that the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen? Just in time to celebrate Hawthorne getting pumped in the prelim final. Well, but getting ready for next year. Getting ready for next year. It's always next year. But I thought that BJ and Pippa would love to match. Oh, my God.

I thought they were so cute. If I, I'll try and get that on Bron the Sava and maybe try and get the photo on it up as well. Because these aren't live. I know sex in the city will let you believe that podcasts are live. No, that one was live, but this one's not. Isn't that so fucking cute? And it really compliments Pippa's coloring, I feel. It actually does.

It suits her. BJ doesn't love clothes. But he will for the cause I think for the cause To match his cousin I think he's very sweet Just licking my hand Yeah

I think The other day she licked your book Because you'd had chocolate on it So I don't know what you've eaten This morning But she likes the thought of it I think Anyway that's my love to see it

I thought that was so fucking cute She's really going for it Okay Would take your hand away you freak That feels nice She just puts a hawks jumper On and then she's all about it Yeah she is

Now Now, I'm nervous to share this with Tony Lodge for reasons that will become very apparent. Okay. But you know how something happens and it's almost like, oh, I would have assumed that happened 10 years ago. Yeah, totally. And it's like, well. When we did that quiz and all of that stuff was really old. Yeah.

So true. Oh, now my, I've just put my hand up to hold my microphone and my hand smells like. Smells like Piper's breath. Yeah. Yeah. finally i would say a decade too late friend dresser has finally got her star on the hollywood walk of fame and not a moment too soon you're a hundred percent right i was surprised that that hadn't

happened sooner right um famous for the nanny obviously i didn't realize how much of the show was based on real life is it because i went on a day well her uh well her her father there was like a bridal consultant you know how she was like working at a bridal shop and she went to flushing high school until her boyfriend kicked her out and one of those crushing scenes yeah what was she to do because she was out on her fanny yeah but like even the flushing like so she went to high school and stuff and it was like it's about her that's amazing I'm really trying not to sing thank you see tomorrow bye love you before so any sings anything bye

She was there to sell her makeup And a part of schooler She was sold, she and flies, she and girl That's as she became the dawn Oh, what a guest See you tomorrow, like and subscribe. Love you, bye! This episode is sponsored by the Hulu

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