Toni and Ryan - 🌶️ The Spicy Cough 🌶️

Episode Date: January 23, 2022

It's finally happened. COVID has made its way into TARP land, Taubsland and the Torberone Empire. When you had the spicy cough, did you crave or buy any weird food or drinks? Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Hello, is that Piper? Yes. I was wondering if you'd like to approve the Tony and Ryan podcast. Oh my God, okay. I was like, wait, who is this? Do you not get many phone calls from Australia in Louisiana? No, I don't.

This is Piper from Banneridge, Louisiana, and I approve the podcast. Yeah. welcome to a very different sounding tony and ryan podcast we are not in the same room we are this is so pandemic it is very it's very 2020 of us isn isn't it? We're on Zoom. We've missed the boat. We're late. We're two years late from the trend. Let's just do a quick roll call around the Tarp family. Bridget, who's in the background at my house. Have you tested positive for COVID today? That's a no, but she's asleep on the couch and looks like she has.

It's a no from me. Tony, what have you tested for today? I've tested nothing so far. Negative. Negative. Sorry, I've tested negative. And why did you take a test? Because Torbs has tested positive.

The man who you live with, work with, work from home in an airtight apartment. Yep. He's got the spicy cough. And I feel really bad for him. So we're recording from home, as you said. I'm in our spare room room like where we work from home torbs is in bed he's got the fan on him he's watching some morgan freeman movie i can hear it in the background like through the wall um and oh he's crook like i feel so bad for him

now i actually know that he's crook because we've been chatting throughout the day as uh you know news has developed yes i rang ryan and was like i've got some bad news call me back asap yeah when you said can we speak as soon as possible but you never text things like that and i was like what's happened oh my god um so the reason i know that torbs is cooked is i said oh how's he doing is he hot is he cold and you said i think he thinks he's Winnie the Pooh because he's wearing a t-shirt with nothing else. It's so funny. And like, there's just nothing.

It's so vulnerable. Do you know what I mean? Like there's just something so vulnerable about a grown man, like looking really crook and like curled up on the couch with his willy out. Like there's just. If he was so hot and sweaty, he was completely naked. You're like,

well, of course he's got a fever but the fact he's wearing a t-shirt to protect what his modesty of but not half of him is fine but the other half but normally it would be that you were wearing undies or shorts with no t-shirt but it's the it's so confusing and because at the moment I don't feel great either. I think that I'll probably test positive later today or tomorrow morning. And I'm looking at him and I'm like, well, I don't feel good, but you're more sick at the moment. It's not a competition. No, it's not.

But whoever's more sick gets to do nothing. When both of you are sick, there has to be someone that takes the reins. And so I decided that i was going to take the reins today and as everybody listening and as you know ryan taubes does all of the cooking in our house and he does all the food shopping normally on a saturday when we record the podcast so i was like we're gonna have to order do a cole's order asap to try and make sure that we can get heaps of food by tomorrow because our house is empty. And you and your wife, Bridget, both offered to do a food shop. And I said, look, if you could just drop off some drugs, that would be great because I can do Coles for food shopping.

And also I didn't want you to judge me. Do you know what I mean? Because you've got no food in your house? Yeah. And I didn't want you to judge me that I'm like, look, I really need vegetables, but I also just want like junk food because I feel shit. Hey, hey, when have I ever judged you? Never. But could you imagine? You're like, Tony, you're sick.

You don't need this garbage. You're like crossing things off my list. Have you met me? It's like, it's like the greatest excuse. Oh, I'm sick. So clearly I'll be ordering this, this, this, this, and this. I deserve it. I haven't been feeling it.

65 bags of Doritos. Yes, I do need that. But so I was feeling really feverish when i did the cole's order and like an hour later torbs goes oh so did you do that cole's order and i was like yeah i did but i can't really remember what i've ordered that's not a good sign it has the weirdest fucking stuff in it like i'm i've ordered comfort food and healthy food full of vitamins and goodness. So half of it is that. I ordered, you know, bottles of pressed green juice and orange juice with pulp and heaps of veggies.

But then as it goes down the list, I have to tell you my shame item that I've ordered. It's a Mc... It's an M&M's party cake. I don't know what... It's an M&M's party cake. I don't know. Have you ever ordered that in your life? I'm like, oh yeah.

Ice cream cake. Yep. Like how long do I think we're going to be in isolation? Like till August? Like when George's birthday is? Like what did I think was going on? I feel like it's, you know, when you go to, I don't know, Disneyland and it's like to go on this ride, you must be this level or above. But then on the kids one, it's like you must be this level or below.

I'm surprised when you click that, they weren't like, so how old's the child? We have to ensure that this is for a child, not for an adult that's having a fever. Yeah, it's like when you rock up to the pub and get the kids meal, they're like, sorry, champion, it's actually for kids only. 11 and under. So I said to Torbs, do you want me to read you the rest of the list and he goes let's leave it as a surprise let's just see what comes so um by the time everybody's listening to this i might have done a bit of a recap on my instagram story of what

other crazy shit i've bought and actually this is probably a good opportunity for people i mean the reality the numbers are that most people listening have had it, have known someone, whatever. If you've had a few, it's almost like when you hear stories about, are you pregnancy cravings? Maybe it's like COVID cravings. What food did you want when you had no taste buds? We'll put that in the episode thread.

But someone posted this really great question. Normal or nah says isabella hi isabella planning arguments or conversations in your head in advance yay normal i was like oh it's just even a question because i nearly tagged you in this but i was like i'll save it for now um how many times tony have you known that i would be angry at you and have prepared the number actually doesn't exist like i do it all the time and how many times has that been worth it because you've got to use your pre-prepared statement never never and that's the thing you get yourself more worked up by thinking about what you could

say like you know something happens and then you go oh well you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna walk That's the thing. You get yourself more worked up by thinking about what you could say. Like, you know, something happens and then you go, Oh, well, you know what? I'm going to, I'm going to walk in there tomorrow and say, Hey Ryan, I hated that. You didn't like that. I bought that M&M birthday cake and I see you and you're like, Oh, love that M&M birthday cake. And I'm like, Oh, so I've wasted all that energy. I could have gone to the gym or something. Can you just pretend that you hate it? Cause I've prepared a speech. Have you ever thought that when you're like, oh, well, could you actually pretend that you are pissed off with me so that I can, you know, win the Oscar that I've been preparing for? Yeah, I know. Right. It's so unsatisfying as well. And especially when they're like indifferent. Well, you've told stories before

about the opposite where you've had the argument and thought of the great comeback afterwards. Remember that chick with the milk? Oh, I'm still shattered. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's normal as well where you think of a great comeback three weeks later. And then you're standing in the shower and you're like, oh, yeah, well, why don't you go fuck yourself? And then you're like, you're in there by yourself.

Your partner knocks on the door like, is everything okay? And then you're like, you're in there by yourself. Your partner knocks on the door like, is everything okay? So when you called me today to make the announcement, when you gave the state of the nation speech. I did. Called press conference. The United Nations of Tony and Torbs.

Yeah. Sorry, he's now known as Winnie the Pooh. Because now that you've described him as that with a t-shirt and no pants, that's all I've seen all day. And it's so funny. Poor Torbs. You were like panicked that I was going gonna be mad at you for getting covid i not that i thought you'd be mad because i don't want anybody to think that you're someone that gets mad because you are not you are that's why i'm like what am i doing to make you think i'm

ready to light you up at any stage i think it's one of those shitty things with covid right and i'm so sorry because we promised from the very beginning of this show when it started that we are a covid free zone and this is fucking covid town but i would just like to say that as you said ryan at the moment everyone's getting it especially in melbourne and sydney it is basically unavoidable and for torbs and i to have it at the moment and be feeling really crook is really normal. But I think there's just still that, that guilt of needing to take time off work or whatever. Even my boss today, when I messaged her, she was like, Oh, do you need to take some sick leave?

And I was like, Oh, I think I'll be okay today. Can I see how I feel tomorrow? Like it's that guilt that we create for ourselves about taking time off work, right? You feel like you're letting people down and you feel really bad about it. I once went to work sick and this was pre-COVID because I'm like the guilt of calling in sick is far worse than how my stomach feels. So it's not worth it.

I'd rather just go and feel like crap. I totally agree. So what was the first thing I asked when you were like waiting for me to be like, oh, what are we going to do with the pod? Oh my God, I've ruined everything. What was my response? You said, how do you feel? And I said, I don't feel very good. And then you said, what can we drop over? Do you have enough supplies? Do you have enough food? Do you have enough medicine? Well, lucky I asked,

cause it turns out you didn't have fucking any of it. No, don't worry. We've got an M&M birthday cake on the way. Oh, my mistake. What can I do for for you what's the most important thing i really need an eminem birthday cake yeah i need the vitamins m and m i've heard they're essential for fighting some vitamin some vitamin c or maybe some vitamin e no but double m have you got you're normally just offering me vitamin d am i right well, what was the first text I sent back to you? You said, am I considered a close contact or is it not transmittable from mouth to anus? And it turns out that's not how you catch it.

So I'm free. Yeah, so you're fine. I'm fine. No problem at all. But up next, I have a quiz to see how prepared you were to be in isolation. Oh, well, I mean, I think we already know that it's not good. I'm just going to say the odds are not stacked in your favor. And second of all, how much COVID is actually impacting you?

There's a little quiz you can do online. Oh, I love that. Do I get money? I just won't charge you for the stuff we dropped around earlier. This is Piper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. All right, a quick little shout-out to our champion tapas who have joined us recently.

Tony and Ryan, you can search for them on Patreon. Oscar Empire, which is one of the great names you'll ever hear. Thanks so much for joining. Paige Bresner, thank you. The bride-to-be, thanks for your support. Justin Duncan, Brittany Stevens, Lee Kelly Rapley, Abby Hillier, Nathan Walford,

Bella Carlini-Rath, and Alyssa Lopez, thank you so much for supporting us. And now, if I've figured this out properly, because we're managing our way through COVID, back to me when I was chatting to Tony from home. Thank you, me in the studio. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Oh, he's prepared that well. Are you telling me that you're going to edit this? Oh, am I saying that? Maybe. Yeah, you're sick, mate. Let me take care of this for you. I'll boo you, whore. I've got an M&M birthday cake to eat. Yeah, so I sick, mate. Let me take care of this for you. I'll boo you, whore. I've got an M&M birthday cake to eat.

Yeah, so I will edit this. How prepared for COVID was Tony Lodge? And the reason I ask is because, as you said, in Melbourne and Sydney. Sorry, can you get my dog eating? I can. Beach. Literally, you've had it all day, mate. He sat on his ass and was quiet on the couch asleep all day then i'm like let's do a podcast he's like no i will eat and go for a run on that hard floor

you know what i'd love to learn to tap dance yeah maybe now put a youtube tutorial on you knew me yeah so a lot of covid is going around melbourne and sydney and for the last two years i actually haven't known that many people with it it was always like you heard the stories but I personally didn't know anyone but I feel like the last month every second person I know so Bridget and I were like hey let's go and buy a whole bunch of cold and flus let's get some you know a big tub of Gatorade some juice some comfort things and just leave it in the cupboard so if it happens we're kind of halfway set already yeah and it's funny because we did that all through lockdown like every time we would go and do a food shop we would buy extra dry things and extra tinned things so that if we got stuck and we had

to lock down because we got covered or whatever yeah we would have all this stuff and i think that because it's been so long you just kind of like oh fuck no one you know has had it who cares and now we're in this position where we weren't prepared and it's well i guess we're about to find out yeah tony lodge question one yep did you have more gin based products than cold and flu tablet based products in your house this morning? This is not from the government website. There is no way because that's an attack on me. Your answer? Yes, I had more gin-based products in my house than cold and flu.

Excellent. Okay, next question. Do you have more vodka in your house or any kind of cough medication, whether it be a lozenge or a cough drop or something like that? Does a cough lozenge covered in hair in the bottom of my handbag count or no? It counts if you're willing to put it in your mouth. Oh, okay. Yeah, definitely more vodka then. All right.

None from two. I'll just put this.vic.health.com. Okay. Number three. Do you have, and this is a hydration question. Okay. Do you have more whiskey in your house or hydrolite or Barocca or anything like that? We've got two different types of whiskey and i reckon

as of this morning we probably had half a thing of hydrolyte so could we go even yeah i'll give you half a point okay half that's good half a point's good and some would argue i know we've got a lot of listeners in ireland i feel like this is an irish thing that are the best way to take care of a sore throat is with some whiskey yeah yeah so maybe it's actually health benefits all around is espresso martinis good for i do know what you do have in your house it is the gin and tonic with a hint of mint the premixed drinks because i bought those for you on the weekend and there's one thing i know you hate and it's mint and this is oh sorry as a disclaimer this was not the for you on the weekend. And there's one thing I know you hate and it's mint. This is, oh, sorry, as a disclaimer,

this was not the weekend just gone. The weekend before. Because this is coming out on the Monday and it sounds like you wrote my answer. Oh God, inception, inception, inception. And I knew that you didn't like mint. And so I just went to the bottle shop being like, mint, mint, don't get mint, mint. And then mint was on my mind.

So I bought you these mint flavored gin and tonic drinks. And then what an idiot. So I'm guessing they haven't been consumed and they're still sitting on the bench. Yeah, they're still there. And, you know, if I need anything minty for health reasons, is mint good for health? I guess I could choke it down, but I would rather not. Although if you had to choke anything down,

you'd choke down something gin and tonic-based than anything else. Probably. All right, so we're on half a point out of three. Question four. And this is more of a taste test because apparently that's the first thing that goes right well torbs can still taste and smell but i can't well that's bad news for torbs because you smell awful um okay taste test do you enjoy watching brooklynNine? No. Okay.

Taste is off. That's very funny from you. That's a very good joke. Do you enjoy watching Vampire Diary? This is so unfair. I did not call the COVID hotline to be abused. Hey, hey. Tell it to Brett Sutton, the Victorian Chief Health Officer,

because I don't write the quizzes, mate. I'm busy. I've got a day job that I turn up to because I'm healthy. Yes, I do like Vampire Diaries. It's really heating up. I'm about two and a half seasons in. It's very good. I really like it.

I know we were literally talking about Vampire Diaries just then, but as soon as you said it's heating up, I'm like, oh, my God, the fever's kicking in. it just occurred to me that we would never know if bridget got covered because she wouldn't get a fever because she is a snake with ice cold blood so when it's like 40 degrees bridget's like oh it's so cold can i put a jumper on pull the doona over it's so cold no air conditioner while we sleep. Oh, my God. Yeah. I need air con constantly. Literally, even if it's 20 degrees, I'm like, yeah, pop the fan on.

Would you sleep every night with a fan on all year round? Is Torb's the same? Yeah. Well, we sleep in the same rooms. Yeah. I can't have it on and him not. Imagine that if I fully lied. I'm like, nah, he can't do it.

No, I meant did he like it but yeah yeah no we have the fan on every night we actually um oh this might be a bit wanky but we actually just bought one of those because i get really really bad hay fever are you rich tony with the finance team about to announce that you've got a demister spraying water into the fan. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. But we did buy a Dyson fan. Like the blade-less. The blade-less ones.

Shit. But with the HEPA filter in it, so it filters out all of the allergens. Okay, so the joke expensive thing, you didn't get that, you got something better. Oh, no. That sounds pretty fancy. Nah, it was a really really really good deal for boxing day okay so i think they're supposed to be like eight hundred dollars we got a flat 400

it's gonna last forever it's an investment well yeah that's that sounds like a finances team work by the way oh may okay okay well they don't normally work over christmas had to pay them double time um i was just about to press the button for the the music but we don't have it so tony someone said that i did a meow at the end last week and they were like i like that you want to participate ryan but it's a no for me yeah they didn't like it i was actually very surprised because i thought that the meow was interchangeable turns out it absolutely isn't i'm just the butter to your bread that is not my area so it's good to know though that if i you know move on pass on that that will pass on with you yep that no one else can do it okay this podcast will die

with me it will it will i could never cast with anyone else again i feel so bad because like i said before we have prided ourselves on being covid free um well both in health and in content hopefully we're back hopefully i'm well enough to record when it comes to no pressure mate you just take care of yourself and because i know that there's a bit of a you know there'll be a few rougher days than than not but is there something strangely nice knowing that i know i've got work off i don't need to do anything and i can just be sick i don't have to feel guilty i'm just going to sit here and feel like shit and watch movies. And it's something nice. Is that a weird thing to say?

No, I totally agree. Cause there's nothing worse than when you're fighting through feeling sick. It just takes longer. You're better off succumbing to the illness. Let it happen. For only a couple of days and then feeling right as rain on the other side. But it's so just to set up in case anybody doesn't understand.

So today is the day that Torbz has tested positive. So it's the first to set up in case anybody doesn't understand so today is the day that torps has tested positive so it's the first day for us um and that's why we're worried that we might kind of go downhill from here um it's not like day five and we're like oh we won't do the podcast just in case like it is day one it is day one um but like i said no pressure mate you just take care of yourself and you know i live just down the road from you where you live near victoria garden well i'm isolating yeah so if you need me to like drop something or lob it over the balcony or do whatever you need to do that'd be good actually you just let me know just chuck it up well i'll give it to john the cat and then he'll climb over your wall and he'll drop it off in the corner put on a little harness in john's backpack

all right uh thank you so much for listening. And maybe we'll chat to you tomorrow. Maybe not. But love you all. Sorry for letting you all down with no podcast. Meow. Meow. Oh, no, I can't meow. Letting you all down.

Meow. No. No. Okay. You're clearly sick, so. I'm sick.