Toni and Ryan - The Underbelly of Maddington Coles

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

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What a lie. Subscribe now using the code FizzC and get 10 gigs of data at 25 bucks. Switch to Fizz today. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge and we are calling Lacey who's in Nova Scotia, Canada. Remember the first time we called someone from Nova Scotia and you

called it Nova Scotia? Nope. Cause that never happened. I don't remember either. Oh good. Oh good. Do you remember that? No.

The Scotia. Hello? Lacey! It's Tony and Ryan. How are you? Oh my God. I was downstairs, heard the phone ringing and my daughter's like, the phone's ringing. You can just ran upstairs like screen.

Oh my God, Lacey, my phone hasn't made noise in like five years. Your phone was on loud, that's real commitment to this call. Yeah, that is good. And can I just- You have no idea. Can I just say, Lacey, I'm very impressed because I've tried to have a conversation with Tony

when she's just walked up the stairs and it's no good. That's actually a really good point. How are you not puffed? Oh, I am. I'm just trying to, I'm struggling through it. Yeah, no, you've, you've fooled us, mate. I'd love to put on the record though, that Ryan's just thrown me in it. That's actually a rule for the whole office.

That's not just me. We don't talk to people when they've come up the stairs. We give them a moment. Yeah. I need you to acknowledge that that's not just me. That's not just Tony. That's not just me. We don't talk to people when they've come up the stairs. We give them a moment. Yeah. I need you to acknowledge that that's not just me. That's not just Tony. That's not just Tony.

Not like Lacey. What a champion. Are you thinking of doing the Olympics next time around? I've been practicing a lot. I can tell. Actually. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I don't know if I could do that, but Lacey, seeing as you're not so puffed, would you mind approving today's episode? I absolutely approve of the podcast. Legend. Yeah. Hey, it's Lacey from Nova Scotia, Canada, and I approve this podcast. It's just gone dark and it is the sun just going spooky. Yeah, it was almost as if like if if we were on TV and the director was like and lights like it literally just like has gone dark in the studio and the only thing that will brighten it

up is if we order banh mi and Vietnamese ice coffees. Copy CP. Copy CP. Am I wrong guys? You're never wrong. I've never met you and you've been wrong. Why would you say that? I'm telling you.

Thank you. That I love you. Yep. And I'm always right. Just ask me. I'll tell you. What's that thing? Fig jam?

Yeah. Fuck I'm good. Just ask me. You never heard that? Yeah. Fig jam. People go, what's that? You go, yeah, fuck. I'm good. Just ask me. Who would say that? Especially with the tongue out of the head. That was like a thing when I was a kid. You're a bit of, you got to be a fig jam energy sometimes?

Bit of like dilly gaff kind of energy. Don't explain words I don't know with other words I don't know. You know, fig jam. Yeah. It's a bit dilly gaff. Yeah energy. Don't explain words I don't know with other words I don't know. You know Fig Jam? Yeah, it's a bit Dilly gaff. Yeah, it's a bit Mamoocha. Do you know what Dilly gaff is? No. Do I look like I give a fuck?

Where did you grow up? Was it Perth? It was. Oh, it all makes sense. Have you ever heard of Kevin Bloody Wilson? I have. Yeah. That was on high rotation, my dad's car.

That does not surprise me. It shouldn't. it shouldn't. And I don't encourage anybody to Google any of that shit because, that was not okay then. It's definitely not okay now. The podcast started. Oh, good call. How's it?

Yeah. Yeah. I would hate to deprive the tarpers of Fig Damn Mammucha. You're saying Mammucha. I don't know where that came from. Oh, but you can make up words damn mamoocha. You're saying mamoocha. I don't know where that came from. Oh, but you can make up words and it's fine. They're not even words. They're...

Thanks for admitting that. No, hang on. Acronyms. I'm in the wormhole. Yes. Yep. Now, what I'm about... The monkey came again.

Yeah. Yeah. What would you call, how would you describe like a, a childish thought, a childish fantasy, like something that a children would. Like a bit whimsical. Yeah. Torps and I at our house, we do a little like, if we're doing something real cheeky. Okay.

So like, if one of us has like gotten out of bed, like we're both out of bed, but one of us hops back into bed and you're like, and you can hear it from the other end of house. I'm like, he's back in bed. Or on the weekend, if we like make a coffee and then I go, that's like, I'm taking this to bed, which I'm not allowed to do. Hence the hee hee. Which is the hee hee. Well, I have a, to present. Oh, it doesn't hit the same when you do it.

Nah, I didn't like that. Compared to Torbz, I can't reach the same when you do it. Oh, no, I didn't like that. Compared to Torbz. I can't reach as far. What? Sorry. Um. That's actually my, the future mother of my children. Okay.

I'm sorry. To Torbz and your children's other mother. The other mother. The other mother from the hut. Redacted. Redacted. Redacted. Tony's doing the scissors.

Hand thing. Redacted. Would you scissor me. Redacted. Redacted. Would you scissor me? So you should redact that. Redacted. Redacted. Crafting. But you can't say redacted and then wait for her to answer. Because if the question's redacted, there's nothing to say.

Would you scissor me, Sophie? Can I? Not redacted. I think I'm a nice person. It's not having- You want to scissor my personality? Oh. Oh, well.

I didn't say that. Oh. I would scissor your personality. That's very nice. That's awful news. Should have just stayed with redacting it. Okay. I have a hee hee hee.

We need to come up with another name. Are we sure the podcast has started? When you worked at Coles, was there ever a silly childish thing of like, what if when the supermarket closed, we like stayed the night? Like, you know, we could eat whatever we wanted and like, there'll be no one here or adult, like, like how great, like, yeah. Sorry, doing that's actually really bad for my throat. What if we call it cheeky girl?

So when you worked at Coles, was there ever a cheeky girl thought of like, what if when they close up, we just like hid in the back room and then they left. And then we like came back out like not in the museum or whatever those things are. Yeah. Did you ever have that silly? Obviously you wouldn't, but just like how crazy would that be? Yeah. Um, probably we did talk about that, I guess.

Okay. But I think it was probably more when I was, I remember the first time I ever went to Ikea and I was like, I could live here. Yeah. And I was like, imagine if all I ate was meatballs and just like walked around. This is my question. Yeah. If you lived in Coles, what would be like the first thing you ate?

Like, what would you live off if you were, you know, you've got a whole supermarket and there's no one to tell you what you can and can't do. That's a great question. And I want you listening to the podcast. I want you to think about how you would live in a supermarket. So something that back in the day we used to do in the deli, Reducted, is that like, we'd all be super hung over on like a Saturday and Sunday. And so as we were opening up, cause you would like put all the food would get

taken out every night and in the morning you would put it all back in. Um, and we sold like hash browns and Craneskis and like chicken strips and all of that kind of stuff. And so we would put that stuff in the oven in the morning, all that bits of bacon and stuff, we'd put all of that in the oven, the other oven that the chickens weren't in. Yeah. Cause you only ever had to run two ovens on like Christmas. Yeah, right.

And so we would have chickens on the go and then we would just fill it with fried food and we had a little bit of a, a treatie with the, uh, with the bakery lady and they would come down and give us like fresh croissants and we would fill the fresh croissants with all the stuff and then send them back with some. So they would give us some croissants, we would swap some bacon and fill them up and whatever and then send them back. The barter system. Yeah. It was a, yeah. It was like the underbelly of Maddington Coles. It was like an underground system.

Yeah, I see. So, all. So with all this intel in mind. And I think I would love to sleep on a fresh packet of buns. Like have you ever just been in the bakery section and there's like white buns and they're real fresh? I think sleeping on that would be so nice. Okay. Then you're going to respect this. Let me read the headline from Pedestrian TV. Oh, oh, their headlines always punny and so good. Well, they didn't need to put effort into this because this story writes itself. Okay.

Mickey the Cockatoo has lived in a Sydney coals for four weeks, feasting on brioche and bananas. Oh, what a way to do it. A bird has flown into coals and they just can't get it out. It's been there for four weeks. You know, when you're at school. And a dog would get in. Yeah. Pure chaos.

Chaos. Excitement. Pure joy. And you would be allowed to like leave the classroom and see the dog. But there's a dog on the oval. Yeah, and you would be like in the toilet or whatever. And you'd be like, ah! Did you? There's a dog on the oval. It would be like in the toilets or whatever. Did you, there's a dog on the oval. I like it would be like talk of the town.

I think that is the only thing greater than a bird in a supermarket because we've all seen a bird get into a store and you're like, oh fuck, what's going on? We've seen it. Mickey the cockatoo flew in one day and he couldn't get him out and everyone just sort of accepted it. He ate whatever he wanted and was living Lovita Loca.

Shoppers at the center at Campbelltown, Sydney have been accustomed to the bird living in the building, footage of him has gone viral on Facebook and managers of the Coles, um, where he's trapped in are reportedly very fond of the bird. A cockatoo is a large bird. Like that's not... So do you remember, Ryan, at the coals in Vic Gardens, how there was birds in that coals? Yeah.

And there was like those... And they're like little tiny finches, but there was a few and you'd be in there and the birds would swoop at you while you were in different aisles. And that is the most horrifying thing. A cockatoo. I've just texted you a picture. You can see Mickey sitting there on the rice bubbles. It's huge. Let me keep reading this article. Feasting on brioche. That is great.

Many bird experts, the Sydney Metropolitan Wildlife Services and enthusiastic Good Samaritans have all tried to lure Mickey out, either through a cage or out the doors, but with no luck. The New South Wales Environment Minister, Penny Sharp, appeared on 2GB radio to assure fans that Mickey will be freed. They even tried to lure him out with a lady. A local bird owner who owns old lady Doris, brought old lady Doris and sort of like tried to lure Mickey into them. They could, they could get him and the Rangers swooped in, but this spooked Mickey with him

flying away and now he doesn't trust old lady Doris's motives. Four weeks and they're concerned because he had, it's been, they don't turn the lights off. So it's been daytime for four weeks in a row for Mickey and they're like, he probably is exhausted. But he's eating brioche and seems to love it. Don't they turn the lights off? I don't think so. Like security and stuff. They used to turn the lights off at my coals.

How would you know if you weren't there at night? Well, cause- Oh, the truth prevails. We would turn them out. Oh, that makes sense. Turn them out, turn them off. Um, that makes sense. Turn them out. Turn them off.

Um, that is insane. He just lives there now. So, has he attacked any children or what have you? Uh, no, the managers are quite fond of him. Apparently shoppers are like, oh, we'll go to that one because that's where Mickey is. I'm like, hey kids, we'll go see Mickey. That would get me further away from that shopping center. Nah, people are all revved up.

I would hate that. Campbelltown, Sydney. Nah, and that's a, that's, I'm not a bird guy. I know you're not a bird guy. I couldn't do that. Even the little birds at the Vic gardens is too much. Wow. Birds love coals. What do you think that means? Don't Google it. Don't Google it. Don't Google it.

Turn. Maybe it's not coals. It's just the brioche. And actually, if I met any... I'd live with a bird for brioche. If I met a human or a cockatoo... If I met a human or a cockatoo, if I met a human or a cockatoo or any other living being that said they didn't enjoy brioche, I would say, well, fucking no, not for me. You know, no liar. Thank you. That was my tech talk. That is threatening. you. That was my tip.

That is threatening. That is that's yeah. Well, if you meet a human, got to hope they're prepared for that. Who doesn't like brioche? Your wrath to unveil? No. No. You know what I'd say to them? No. No. No. Oh, something funny is that? No, no, no. Oh, something funny is that. That's what I know.

No. God, I hope they're all right after that. They actually ended up on the rotisserie. Too far. That's not enough. You can't cook people. I can't cook them, but I can burn them with my savage. Oh, go back the other way.

Where's the middle grounds? No, no. Hey, it's Lacey from Nova Scotia, Canada, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Audible, which is awesome because this year I've become obsessed with audio books. I'm absolutely loving it. And Audible's best of the year picks are here. Discover Audible's passionately pored over, ruthlessly debated and lovingly listed selections across all of your favorite genres from gripping mysteries and thrillers to heartfelt memoirs

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We fucking we can't do it without you. You're the Mickey in our calls. We love that. That's how I'm going to. You're the cock to my tune. When, when Ryan wears budgie smugglers, I say nice cock a two smugglers. Yeah. Cause in there there's a cock or two.

It looks like it looks so big. I mean, just squeeze in there. Just the one. Jesus. Bungie smuggler more like elephant smuggler. Trying to win you back over. Uh, Addison Rothstein. Good on you Addison.

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Really loved to see it. Thank you. Love it. Love it. Thank you. No. Oh, don't we love having fun here? Just a bunch of fun.

Oh, Sophie's fucking gone. She's on the floor. Okay. Okay. No. Sophie, no. No. Come back to the desk.

No. Sorry. I was crying. So say you're in a really scary situation. What do you do? BJ started barking last night. He did? When I was at your house as well. Yeah, cause he's very protective now that we've got Mabel.

And so if someone comes to the door or something. So when Tony was over the other day, he saw a rabbit. So he was like, not fucking my house. And it was out the front, like behind the window, but he was inside. So he's like, yeah, yeah. And then I walked out to the rabbit. You know what I said?

Said, do you like brioche? Cause if you don't get ready. No, BJ started barking last night because there was an If you like brioche, it's all good. But if you don't get ready. There was an intruder last night because there was an- If you like pre-op, it's all good, but if you don't, get ready. There was an intruder last night. Someone was trying to break into our house. Did they like pre-op?

I dunno, but you know what I said to them? No. No, you said, do you like pre-op? You want my cardi? Cause if you don't, get ready. No. Oh, we're all having a good time. No. Oh, we're all having a good time. No.

No. That's what I'd say. Someone starts on me in the shopping center. I go, no, unless you're like brioche, in which case all good. Anyway, Tony, is there anything else you would like to mention? Well, actually speaking of brioche, which is a great segue here. I was telling you the other day about something that Torbs and I did, and you were like, I don't understand it, but I think I want to understand.

But I think I support it. Yeah. And it's it's Brett, basically, which is great news. But Torbs and I do and I didn't know that this was like a phenomenon or anything worth saying about. I think it's the beginning of a phenomenon. But it's called beige dinner. It's not girl dinner. This is not the same thing, but it's beige and it's just like, not a color

in sight, not too many textures. I think it's a good, like if you've been, have really overwhelming day, a lot's been going on and there's just like too much happening and you're like, I just need something beige to like calm me back down. Yeah. So like bread, obviously. Yep. Cheese.

Yep. Some like hot chippies. Yep. Maybe done in the air fryer. And because it's kind of like raid the freezer a little bit. Yeah. Um, and sometimes we've got like little, um, like a frozen sausage roll or something like, like,

So is it like a treat or a snack? Cause I think when it was discussed, we all, it was just like, we just had potato and chicken because we couldn't be fucked and that's going to get the job done. Yeah, but that- Cause you're saying this stuff and I'm like, that's not beige, sweetheart. Sausage rolls from the freezer. That's a great night out. No, but it's beige.

Like literally beige. It's beige. There's no food inside. It's not beige like, oh, it's just plain. It's beige. Gotcha. I thought, cause I think beige is like a word for... Like, oh, low key or like a bit boring.

Yeah. Boring sounds mean, but kind of. No, totally. And yeah, like meat and two veg, I think is what you said the other day. But like, no, like no colour. Processed only. And a real special treat on the beige dinner is, you know, those little chicken tenders, those like sweet chili ones that have got those little like rice quispies on them that you like get from a Bay Marie at a fucking service station. Yeah. Exclusively.

Yeah. Like you would never ever have them in your house except for beige dinner. Yeah. And you buy it because you can get them in like a box or whatever from Coles. Pop them in the air fryer. Bob's your fucking uncle and you can just eat whatever you want. First of all, they're not as beige, but they do fall into the category as a chicken tender.

Can we take a moment and just fucking pour one out for air fries? Oh, because that isn't the air fryer. The thing that brings all these things you've just mentioned together. You just tip them all in, give it a shake. See ya. See you in 12 minutes, sweetheart. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Which is pretty good. So I think all my favourite foods are beige. I can't think of a food I like that's not beige. Now that I think about it, because I think that's either a yellow or a brown or a mixture of in there somewhere. Like a nugget. Nugget. A little chippy.

Brown. Chippy, yellowy brown. Yeah. Hollandaise sauce, yellow. Sausage rolls, brownie, yellow sort of. And you know what's brownie yellow? Beige. Beige.

It's all beige. I don't like it in a room, but I like it in my tummy. What are you going to have for dessert? It's all beige. I think. Oh, I love it. It is just really nice when you can't deal with any more stuff. Or colour.

Or colour. Yeah. I just, at the end of the day, when you just say, I don't, like, I just need something easy on the tongue. Now, one thing that fucked society up was the rise of MasterChef, because everyone was plating up and it was a Work of art and there was the colors and there was a slice of this on the side and a drop of this on top You know what? I hate what this smear? Oh

Fuck off. Give me the bottle of the sauce so I can source Appropriately to my knees because the thing about putting food on a plate is it's the purpose is to be eaten, not to be looked at. It's to be eaten. So fuck off. Anyway, I think MasterChef incepted to society into thinking the food has to look. And this is like on a fucking Tuesday at your own house with no one else is there and has to look all pretty.

But fuck no, I'm team beige dinner. No one's looking. My stomach's eating. Yes to there and has to look all pretty. But fuck no, I'm team beige dinner. No one's looking. My stomach's eating. Yes to that and no to everything else. I reckon at a restaurant, the plating up is like, Oh yeah, that's exciting. Yeah. That's my night out. Great.

I'm not doing that. I know who you're trying to impress. Don't make me feel bad about the fact that I'm using a Christmas platter. Cause it's the only one that I've got, you know, or the fact that I'm using that old cutlery because all the other ones in the dishwasher or something, you know, like, I'm using my daughter's spoon because I didn't want to get up to the drawer. So I'm just going to use this little one. Yeah.

Cause it was already on the table. It's a bit of something on it. I don't care. Oh, but I mean, it was fair. Yeah. You'd eat all the same stuff. Yeah. I'm her dad.

I believe we can share a spoon. Exactly. Oh, isn't that just golden rule for life. We can share a spoon. Exactly. Isn't that just golden rule for life? We're family. But I think that I would just like to introduce the idea of beige dinner. And I think I want to know what people, what's on people's beige dinner. Yeah. Like what's your version of that?

Because it's just that like low key, low effort, low nutrition. Like it needs to say that again. Say that again. Let's let's nail this tag. Low key, low effort, low nutrition. You need to leave. It needs to offer so little that you come, it's negative. Low in aesthetic pleasure. Yes.

You don't eat with the eyes at all. No, the eyes have no taste buds. Put that on a t-shirt. Take your glasses off and start to eat. Yeah. Because it just, it should do nothing for you. But yeah, I think that- I'm here for beige dinner. Hey, treat yourself on the weekend. But yeah, I think that- I'm here for beige dinner.

Hey, treat yourself on the weekend. But yeah, let us know what's in your beige dinner. But also I want to know if people are just relieved to that we've taken the pressure away. You don't need to fucking do crazy shit every night. Some days you can just have a beige dinner. But like, so even when I told you that we'd had beige dinner for dinner,

I was a bit embarrassed. Yeah. Not because I thought that you, Ryan, or that Sophie would say, but I was thinking. I was thinking it. No, I'm just saying. No, I'm here for you. I can't rev this up more. Sorry.

Sorry. Redacted. Take that back. Redacted. But like, cause you kind of go on, fuck, just had nothing left in the tank. And you just go, I fuck, I can't, I can't think of another thing. I can't fucking cut up a bit of broccoli. Yeah. Fuck broccoli. And there is room for that obviously. Not tonight. Just not tonight. Once I'm trying to like tell Bridget this because she was incepted by MasterChef and the expectation she puts on herself.

She's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't really. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? You're taking care of our family and making us dinner and you're apologizing? No, no. No. Um, but I think like if you get enjoyment from doing it, which yeah, like most nights when I'm cooking, I'm like, oh yeah, this is quite fun.

But like sometimes, oh, and it just needs to be like the lowest of the low. And I love it. And I'm here for it. I just love it. Low effort, low taste, low nutritional value. No, it's not low taste. What was the other low? Low key, low effort, low nutrition.

It's not low taste. It's delicious or salty. Tony Loge. Do I want to add another low? Oh, right. Yeah. But so let us know what's in your in your beige dinner, because I love it. I've got to love to see it that I wouldn't say has beige dinner energy, but there's slightly beige. Charlie McGoogan. Hi, Charlie.

Sorry if I fucked your name up, McGoogan. You definitely did. McGoogan. Charlie. I went to a research conference for the Oklahoma Governor's Water Conference and Research Symposium. Start again. What are any of those words? Oklahoma Governor's Water Conference and Research Symposium.

So they got together to discuss water and topics related to water. And they said, what are you talking about? What does symposium mean? to water. And they said, what are you talking about? What does symposium mean? I think that's when a lot of smart people get together and share their theses and ideas. It's supposed to be like this podcast. Yeah. Hey, we're sharing beige dinner.

There should be a beige dinner symposium. What does symposium mean? A conference or meeting to discuss a particular subject. Even that sounds dry. That's very funny. But I just called a fucking conference. Anyway, yeah. Well, it's the Oklahoma Governor General's Water Conference and Research Symposium.

Anyway, at the end of the conference, because, you know, got to have a fun one at the end. That's cute. They had a poster competition where they had to draw a poster about the water symposium and Charlie won. That actually sounds really fun. I love culture. Outstanding poster and I'm over the moon. Did they call it a symposium?

No, but they should have. Do we have a photo of the poster? No, but I have a screenshot of the congratulatory email saying that she'd won. Even better. Water Resources Center, congratulations. Your posters were selected by our panel. You love to see that. It was a great contest with lots of outstanding entries, but Tapa Charlie won.

Congratulations, Charlie. That's awesome. And every time I think Oklahoma, I think Charlie and her design skills. And also you have always said that, but to add to that when a Tapa wins, we win. We all win. And I love to see that. I love to see that. That's amazing.

Thanks, Charlie. My love to see it is that Sophie and I have a new game. And it is that in the morning, Sophie sends me a voice note and goes, what song is this? It's stuck in my head. I think you're confusing Tony for Shazam. Yeah. Yes. And says, do you know what song this is?

So she's singing it. She's like, and I have to get what the song is. So you know how next year we're doing Dr. Scotch? I have another segment idea. Tony and maybe Sophie joining because it seems you have the artistic chops is you meow the tune to a song and we have to guess the song. It's called Guess the Meowzik. Oh, please don't stop the Meowzik vibe, Mariana. How long have you been thinking about that for?

Two years. Yeah, okay. I love it. Do you? I love it. Okay. What does Tony not love to say? That.

Ryan, do you want me to send you a voice note? No, I'm good, thank you. I'm actually pretty good. I could be. No, no. This is very fun though, I really like it. Give me an example. We'll all play once together. You go, Soph. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Please don't stop the music, Brianna. I'm good at this. Someone's tune's changed now that they're good at the game. No, no, changed now that they're good at the game. Oh, no, no, no. I can be good at the game and still not like it. You just said maybe I do like this game. No, maybe I'm good at this game.

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Tony, I really love to see that. Tony, your names first. What do you think about the new segments for the new year? I think I made myself pretty clear. Do those segments like brioche? No, we'll get back tomorrow. Would you like a weekly segment on Mickey the Cockatoo?

I just did a welfare check on Mickey. Yeah, that would be good, actually. Okay. It's just such a big bird in such a small coals. Anyway, it's like a metaphor. Yeah, it's the big bird in a small coals anyway. It's like a metaphor. Yeah. It's the big bird in a small coals. All right.

We'll talk about your whopper because they're like, you're so skillful, but you're just like a big bird in the small coals, but you need to have the doors of the dali open to let you fly and shine in this beautiful world. That was really nice. Thank you. That's... I love that. Do you want me to say what the meaning is?

Of? A bird in a coles? Oh no, wait, you just described it. The metaphor. Chat P-T-T, not required. Chat Bird P-T-T. Love you. Bye. G'day Canada! How would you say hello Canada?

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