Toni and Ryan - The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

My new best friend Viv and I, plus talking about teeth and work chat. Love ya! T xxx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Billy, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? No way. Big Bill, what's up? Hi. I was literally just talking to my wife saying they might not call. Well, you tell your wife that here the fuck we are.

We would love you to approve this podcast. This is the coolest thing that's ever happened to me. Oh, I'm so sorry. Sorry to hear that. You have an awfully boring life. Your poor wife. Hey, it's Billy from Ohio and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

Welcome. Happy hump day. Happy hump day. My name is Ryan. I'm here with Tony. That's me. That's you. And I, just before we hit record.

Sorry. Sorry. I've just had the craziest fucking her bread. That's you. And I, just before we hit record. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I've just had the craziest fucking deja vu. What? You're in a podcast studio recording a podcast? No, but like you saying exactly what you were just saying, what you're wearing, me saying, and I'm Tony. We do this every day, five days a week.

No, I know, but that was why. And we both wear the same clothes all the time. That's true, actually. Yeah, maybe it wasn't deja vu. Maybe I just fucking zoned out last week and I finally just come back. Did you want to repeat what you said before I hit record? When you were just, you know, teasing me for my inability to read? Do you feel proud about that? Are we a team that bullies each other?

Sorry? There's been chat about HR. Sorry? We don't have HR. Sorry? You were bullying me about not being able to read. Sorry? What is it?

Is this your defence mechanism? Sorry? We're not compreh about not being able to read. Sorry? Is this your defence mechanism? Sorry. Me not comprehenday. I don't understand. I don't recall. I think it's on the tape. Well, I said, so yesterday at the end of the episode, I read out... A monologue of maths.

A monologue of maths. Perfectly. From Elliot Craig. And I just said, see, I didn't practice that. See how good things can sound when you can read. That's what I said. And I'm realising that that is a really, really horrible thing to say and I'm so sorry.

Are you? I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Really? Yes. Don't you hate when people are like politicians when it's like, are you sorry? And they go, I am apologetic?

Yeah. I send my apologies. Yeah. Or do you know what really fucks me off? I owe you an apology. Saying that you owe me $10 isn't the same as giving me $10. Give me the cash, bro. Give me the fucking sorry.

You owe me the apology? Then hand it over. Yep. Because I'm ready and I'm waiting. Yeah. Don't just owe it to me. Give it to me. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. We're just owe it to me. Give it to me. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. We're in a hotel. Normal or nah? I'll be interested in this one from you, Toni, because this is an interesting area. Okay. Because you're a nice person.

I try. Well, what we've just seen. Yeah. But you also love to laugh and smile. Yeah. Normal or nah? Laughing if a friend falls over. Normal.

Correct. Very normal. It makes it less awkward. I agree. Yeah. And when you do something like you trip on something and you're by yourself. And you've got no one to laugh with. Yeah.

And you're like. And you're trying to laugh it off and like play it cool. But laugh by yourself. But you're laughing by yourself and everyone's like, yeah, have you actually been injured because it took you a long time to get back up? Chelsea Shaw, I think it's 100% normal. I don't want people's empathy or them treating me like I've been

in a car crash. It's so much less awkward when people laugh at you and you can laugh along with them. Totally agree. Absolutely. I do like to do the quick like, oh, my God, are you all right? Like you've got to do a little laugh. It's like, you know, when a kid like is fine but then you say like,

oh, everyone goes, oh, my God, are you okay? Then they start to cry because they think that they should. Yeah, is that what that is? Have you seen those like TikToks of parents literally like holding their baby, they're happy as anything, and then they're just like, oh, my God, are you all right? And the baby's like, no. Like, why?

What happened? Like nothing's actually happened. I feel like if you laugh straight away but you do have to do the, oh, my God, are you okay, a little laugh, just a little tiny medicinal laugh, but you also have to make sure that they haven't broken anything and for them to make sure that they're not embarrassed. About the TikTok thing.

Yeah. First of all, our algorithm's obviously quite different. Yeah. Second of all, I reckon if I came to you, Tony Lodge, in a concerning manner and was like, are you okay? I'd start crying. Yeah, it'd be a meltdown. A hundred percent.

Like, I don't know what more you want me to say. There's no long answer. Of course. Oh, my God. Tony, more you want me to say. There's no long answer. Of course. Oh, my God. Tony, are you all right? No. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Are you okay? What has happened? Vivian says the more I. I love the name Vivian. Really? I think it is just the most like it's a strong, gorgeous name. And being able to be like, yeah, oh, I'm Viv. What a hot fucking name.

I love the name Vivian. Apparently so. Yeah, sorry. I can hear your love for it. I'm hot on this. Don't you like the name Vivian? I mean. Don't say you don't because Vivian's listening.

I don't hate it. I like it, but I'm not going to stop down the podcast to go on a monologue about how much it revs me up. I love it. And just like what a sick name. And do you remember, oh, my God, right in the beginning of the podcast when I said there were, like, hectic letters to have in a name, like X is a really hectic letter to have in a name, so is V.

Fucking two of them, mate. You've sold me. But, like, you're chillers. You're just, like, wearing, like, cool wide-leg jeans and, like, New Balances. You're like, yeah, I'm Viv. Wow. And, I'm Viv. Wow. And I mean, if V is a powerful letter, imagine two out of three.

Are you Viv? No? Two out of three. Oh, yeah, two thirds hectic. Vivian says. Love you, Viv. The more I care about you, the harder I will laugh in your face if you fall.

Yep, that is smart and beautiful. Great name. Great points raised. Viv, if you're listening to this, hit me up. Let's fucking hang out. Viv, if you're listening to this, see a clear of Tony or bring some cold water because it's fucking hot and steamy. Or maybe go to fucking birth, jest and marriages

and fucking change your name. Get the hell away from here. Jo sends a story. Hi, Jo. I was drinking with a few friends. Two of us were drinking the 5% alcoholic beers. Is that high? It's about normal for a beer.

I don't know anything about alcohol. But the other two were drinking 8% ciders. So as we're going through the rounds, the 8% is like getting a little bit ahead, you know. Yes. But it feels normal because we're having a beer, having a cider. Yeah.

And also the cider, like, the sugar in cider gets me as well. Yep. You know what I prefer? Dick in cider. You know, I got it. I just thought you were going to say a Viv inside you. Later that night I go across the street to get a kebab and one of the cider bros sees me and goes,

oh, you know, I'll go and get a kebab as well. So he wanders out of the pub, falls and trips on the front, like on the curb, and he's so drunk he can't even put his hands out and just lands flat on his face. Oh. Now, does Joe think about the concern for his friend, or does he almost piss himself in the kebab store watching through the window, pointing and laughing?

I feel like when someone's at that point, they've had a few too many lemonades, there almost is that immediate concern of like, fuck, they are so wasted, like they need attention. So Joe is face full in kebab meat and chips. He goes, oh, no, I better wander out there. I better figure it out. He's literally on the street.

So he walks out and sort of rolls him over. Oh, g'day, man. How you going? No sighters catch up with you today? And his two front teeth, like he's landed and knocked his two front teeth out. And he's like, all right, well, let me. And so he goes, the least I can do, he's like, I'll just find the teeth so if later in the night they can be, like, you know, reattached or whatever.

Yeah, right? So Joe goes, oh, yeah, no, I'll find your teeth. Was Joe on the siders as well? Fucking hell. He was on the 5%, so he wasn't as bad, but he was still giving it a red hot crack. Yeah. So he finds the teeth and then he puts it.

What the fuck? Because he smashed the teeth out. What is your fucking tooth theory? He smashed the fucking teeth. They're finds the teeth and then he puts them. What the fuck? Because he smashed the teeth out. What is your fucking tooth fairy? He finds the fucking teeth. They're on the ground. They don't reattach your teeth, do they? Is that what they do? They glue them back on.

It's not a starfish. They just fucking come back. They grow a whole new person from the fucking teeth out of all of them. No, they definitely reattach them. Do they? Yeah. Well, they're not going to just let them grow back because that's not how it works either. They'll have to do something.

Anyway, Joe thinks it's a good idea. Okay. So he finds the teeth on the ground and he puts the teeth in his drunk friend's pocket and then goes and takes him home. He goes, hey, if you do need the teeth, at least they're in your pocket. You're not going to lose them, whatever. Imagine doing the washing the next day. Oh, yep, train ticket, tissue.

What the fuck is this? Except because you've train ticket, tissue. What the fuck is this? Except because you've lost your dick right there. What the fuck is that? Whose teeth are these? Whose teeth are these? I had all those scientists and now it's whose teeth are these? Whose fucking teeth are these? What time are things over?

I was having those 8% scientists and now it's whose third of these. Last time I think fiver. I was having those 8% ciders. All I wanted was to go and get a Mips Kabam. Last time I drink ciders in the sun. I'll tell you what. So Joe goes around to this bloke's house the next day to see if he's woken up, what's going on, how's he doing. He rocks up. He goes, mate, how are you?

And he says. Yeah, good, thanks. Mate, I don't know what happened last night, but I swear to God. So because he was so drunk, he hasn't, like, got changed. He's still wearing the same clothes. Doesn't really realise what's happened. Although he sounds a bit different. Yeah.

So anyway. I've just got to have a shower. So he goes, oh, mate, I know you're in a bit of a state. So I didn't want to just hand you the teeth because, like, who knows where you would have just put it down. So I put them in your pocket. So then the guy puts his hand in his pocket and just pulls out two, like, random rocks.

And because the friend thought they were here, he goes, check what's in your pocket. Oh, I've done you a solid. And then the guy opens up and he says, what do I want with these two rocks? Mate, you were on the side of the swell. And then Joe's like, I don't know where the teeth are. I just picked two random rocks off the ground. Someone was probably getting off the tram, saw the teeth on the ground, went, what the fuck happened to you last night?

You can imagine some poor kid who went to pick up some rocks. Comes home with a couple of white pillows. But Joe thinks he's being this great dude and being like, mate, I've fucking done you a solid year. I know I laughed at the start. Mate, but I'm going to fucking help you out here because I'm much more sober than you. Good work, Joe.

Normal or nah? Putting noise cancelling AirPods or headphones on and not listening to anything. Sometimes you just need to get some peace and quiet. Normal or nah? I don't do that. But so nah for me, but I guess nah, I don't think so. Sometimes, this is Tessa Colleen. Hi, Tessa. Sometimes I need some peace and quiet. and actually the big noise cancelling

headphones in a busy office kind of just drowns out the sound of the workplace and she can concentrate on her work. Also, when you've got headphones on, it deters people. They don't talk to you. For coming over and saying something. And I've realised that if I am catching the tram or at the gym, I might like put a podcast on or listen to some songs and the podcast just might end

or I've stopped listening to music and I just haven't like got around to taking the AirPods out. Yeah. And it's the same sort of thing that when you're on public transport, you've got your headphones in and you're like, oh, no one's going to, like I'm just kind of in my own. And I actually kind of get it in a strange way. Or if you've got your AirPods in or something or headphones on

and you pause it and then you can listen in to what other people are saying. Hmm? Because, like, no one thinks you're listening because they're like, oh, they're obviously, like, listening to. What conversations have you listened in on? Oh, no, but, you know, when just, like, if there's a bit of brouhaha on the tram or the bus or. A bit of gossip.

Yeah. Or there's some couple of people, like, acting up or something, you can kind of pause and, like, have your wits about you a little bit. But people think that you're still like entranced in. I think the wits about you is a good one. Yeah. But have you ever listened in on another couple like having a disagreement? Yes.

And do you live for that shit? I love to people watch. Yep. Like I think one of the best places to people watch is a food court at a shopping centre. And because people's true colours really show. I remember watching a couple argue in the shopping centre once because she had gone and gotten sushi and he went and got maccas or something and she went, why didn't you get sushi?

He's like, oh, I just like really felt like something a bit naughty or whatever. She's like, oh, well, it's what I got. And normally we like eat sushi together. So what, do you hate sushi? He's like, no, babe, like I just thought. Do you hate me? Because I had sushi.

Well, yeah. And it kind of turned into this like full-on domestic and I remember sitting there and being like. Obviously you're on the guy's side. I like sushi. What should I do? Excuse me, babe. I know you wanted sushi and you've actually got it.

Yes. So I know that I've got my headphones in and haven't heard all of this, but you're being a fucking bitch right now. Is there something you'd like to talk about? And I find. Sorry, who are you? And I'm just like, guys, all right, let's take this from the top. I think that sitting in a food court is best of both worlds.

Really? Because, yeah, like if you and I go and eat together and we're like, oh, what do you want? And I'm like, I want sushi. And you're like, oh, well, I want Macca's or vice versa. Get both. Get whatever you want, guys. The world's your fucking oyster.

Speaking of which, I will go the oyster. Thank you. Hey, it's Billy from Ohio and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. listening to Tony and Ryan. Before we get to the champion tapas, I want to say thank you. Yeah. I'd just like to put it out there.

You mentioned people watching in the food court. Yeah. If I go to a new city like travelling or whatever, and this might sound like a wanky thing to do. I don't like. Did you live in the US? I was living there. If I was like a tourist, I don't care about like the museums and stuff. For me, going to like just sit at a cafe and just watch the city I'm in walk past and just observing. I could sit there all day and just like take it in. Or if you're in a hotel that's got like a balcony that just looks out onto the street, like if you're on the second or third level, not the 15th where you can't see anything, but just sit there

and just watch people go, I find that way more fascinating than, oh, you're in Paris, better go to the Louvre or do the thing. No, no, no, I'll just sit here. I'm quite happy. I mean, doing that in. Does that mean I'm lame? No, I don't think it's lame. I mean, it's. And that's travelling, that's not going to Vic Gardens food court. But see, that'm quite happy. I mean, doing that in... Does that mean I'm lame? No, I don't think it's lame. I mean, it's...

And that's travelling. That's not going to Vic Gardens food court. But, see, that's the thing. Like, you would never do that in your own city because you're like, there's nothing to see and I'm going to work or I've got to drop this thing off and I've got to then go to the doctor and get my prescription filled or something. Are we the creeps who are, like, people watching or is this normal? No, because we're not, like, stalking someone.

Normal or nah, stalking people. No, but it's not stalking. It's, like, especially in're not like stalking someone. Normal or nah, stalking people. No, but it's not stalking. It's like especially in somewhere beautiful like Paris, then you're watching like fashion, the way that people like are doing their hair, people getting from A to B. Like I think it's quite cool. Okay, thanks for that. Normal.

I'm on your side, but maybe we should ask the population. Yeah, and maybe change the word from stalking to like embracing in the humanity. Taking in the city. Yeah, and maybe change the word from stalking to like embracing in the humanity. Taking in the city. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, a few of our champion tapas who might actually delete their memberships after that.

Natalie, thank you so much. Madeline Nichols, Pauline Gretch, Shelley Hammond-Clements, Paul Pashadag, Courtney M., Ness Dorg. Cheers, Ness. Ness Dorg. Cheers, Ness. Ness Dorg! Christina Clement, Charlie Bennett-Zylinski and Christine Vandermundt. Thank you so, so much for being part of our Patreon.

Vandermundt? Vandermundt. Yeah, okay. Mate, you can't just make fun of everyone's name. I know, I just, I wasn't expecting a Vandermundt today. Do you want to go out and people watch for five minutes? Yeah, I need to take a break. Take a break.

Let me just have a sip of this coffee and just. Well, while you do that, obviously very recently we have taken a bit of a leap and we are now doing this podcast full time, five days a week. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. We've left our jobs and this is like what we're doing all the time. Yep.

I mentioned last week that I went and got my hair done. Well, you mentioned it and a thousand people on the internet commented because you look great and you still look great. Thank you. Someone mentioned, I love you in a top knot and a bun. Well, fucking bad luck, sweetheart, because you ain't going to see that for a few months because Tony's had her hair done and she's out and partying. Until I get too lazy and then it gets really long

and then I put it in a bun again. I reckon September. Give me a minute to look shit again. But anyway, so I went to the hairdresser and, you know, like you do that small talk thing of like, oh, so like, do you live around here? Oh, what were you up to today? Oh, I was at work.

Oh, what do you do for work? Now this is unrelatable content to anyone besides Tony and I, but is it fair to say we are struggling with this question? We don't really know. So I said that when I was at the hairdresser, you called. I did. So Ryan, last week, you were trying to be my hype man. Sorry, succeeding at being my hype man. Thank you very much. Are you joking? Trying? Are you fucking right, mate? You called the hairdresser. Trying? Are you fucking right, mate? You called the hairdresser and said, can you

let Tony know? She's in chair number four. Could you let her know that she looks really good today? And they thought that you were being really romantic. I was. Well, and it worked. But I was like, oh no, we work together. We've got a podcast together. Later in the conversation,

the girl who was doing my hair, she's a lovely girl, Bridget, we got along really well. Not your wife, we work together. We've got a podcast together. Later in the conversation, the girl who's doing my hair, she's a lovely girl, Bridget, we go along really well, not your wife, a different one. And she goes, so what do you do for work? And I was like, oh, well, I've actually, I've just quit my job. That's why I'm like cutting all my hair off, you know, transformation time. She's like, oh, oh, okay.

So, yeah, have you got a new job? And I was like, oh, well, you know the guy who rang before Ryan, we have a podcast together. And she's like, no, no, no, what do you do for work? Because, I mean, it was a little bit like this pre-pandemic, but especially during lockdown, is it fair to say that every arsehole has a podcast? Everyone's got a podcast.

Are you guys middle-class white people? Yeah. What's your podcast called? Not even do you have one. What's it called? We should do a test where we just go out into the street and say, are you a middle-class white person? What's your podcast called?

And see how many people answer. People would just like straight away be like, oh, Tony and Ryan. So you say you've got a podcast and she goes, yeah. She goes, yeah, but what do you do for work? It's a really weird question to answer because it doesn't sound like. It doesn't make sense. I'm a podcaster. What does that mean?

It doesn't mean anything. It's gibberish. Do I just say? I install drying machines. Not very well. But then I was thinking about it, right? And, like, influencers, do they say, if people say to them, like, oh, what do you do for work, do they say, I'm an influencer?

I think. And are we, for all intents and purposes or whatever that saying is, influencers like hot Instagram girls? Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Like because we aren't influencers. We're not really that category, are we?

No. As I learned a few weeks ago. I feel like for them maybe influencer is a bit of like a flex because it's like, yeah, I'm just like living my life and people love it and blah, blah, blah. And I know it's a job and they've got stuff to do, but we're definitely not that category. But I think they can answer that. And if you see like a hot blonde girl and they go.

I'm an influencer. And you go. You believe that? Yeah, of course you are, babe. And then when they see Tony and I go, oh, we just talk about when the guy delivered the laundry thing. Yeah, and this guy found these rocks that he thought were teeth. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? Yeah. Yeah, they go, what? Fuck off. Are you selling me? Yeah. Yeah, they go, what? Fuck off. They put their headphones on. Are you selling me a skinny tee? Yeah. Sorry.

She puts her headphones on. So how did you get it? And then you have to, like, what do you do then? So then I was like, oh, we have a podcast. She's like, no, no, no, no. What do you do for work? I was like, oh, well, yeah, like quit my job and we're, you know, giving this a red hot go kind of thing.

And then I always find myself like negging what we do. I'm like, oh, it's just a podcast. Oh, it's just this. Or they go, what's it about? I'm like, oh, it's just us, like, you know. And to your point of saying like the influencer is probably really proud of what they do. Everyone should be proud of the job that they do.

We're not proud. We just don't know how to explain it. But I am really proud but I feel like I'm big upping myself. Like I've got a podcast, don't you know who I am? Like which I would never, ever say to someone. Yeah. And I don't want then people like, oh, you've got a podcast. I'll listen because I'm like, no, you really don't have to do that.

I think I told you what happened at the open house the other day. Oh, with the real estate agent? I think the whole time we've done this podcast, Bridget and I have been searching for a house the whole time. Like it's been a night. It's a whole thing. So when you rock up to an open house, they kind of try to gauge how much cash you got.

Oh, so they're like sussing you out a bit. Well, because, you know, they should. You know, they don't want to waste their time selling to someone who can't afford the property. That's so shit, though. It is shit. It is really shit. And so because we've been to a million open homes,

you kind of get to know the people. Yep. And so I get there and they go, oh, how's work? And I go, oh, I joke, I've said I've retired. I said I actually quit my job. God, not a good joke to make to someone who you're hoping to sell your house. So they're in their mind going, oh, I reckon these guys,

like they bid on that house three weeks ago for about this, so we know they're in that kind of ballpark. And I go, I've finished work. And they go, what's your next job? I'm like, I'm not doing it. I'm just going to do the podcast. And it's like I literally saw their faces go, oh, just have a look around. No money. See you. Not interested. I'm just going to do the podcast. And it's like I literally saw their faces go, oh, just have a look around.

No money. See ya. Not interested. I mean, they're not wrong. The banks are also like, oh, you've got a podcast. Cool. How much did you want? Because it doesn't matter.

Is it $5? You can't have it. So are you, say for a LinkedIn, for example, you were, was it the technical term audio queen? Was that the? So my old job on my LinkedIn was audio engineer for Mindset Health. Do you want to just call yourself the audio engineer of? This podcast?

We're just an audio engineer. And then people are like. I work in podcasting. I don't mind working podcasting. Yeah, that's got a ring to it, doesn't it? That's better than saying I have a podcast because what does that really mean? It means when I hang out with my mate, we record it.

Yeah, but that's actually right. Like we write some stuff down beforehand and we go, oh, that'll be good, tick that off. Like have you got a normal or nah? Like what should we do today? Can I update your LinkedIn? And I'm not going to tell you what I put in it and you have to leave it there for a week. Whatever I put in, I'll get a great job title and a little

explainer. No. And I'll make it creative and fun. And you have to commit. Can I, can I do yours? Absolutely not. Or is that only fair? No, I feel like that's only fair. And also because no one looks at my fucking LinkedIn, but you've got 12,000 fucking followers on LinkedIn. All right, deal. Because no one's going to see mine. No one's going to see mine, but people will see yours. I'm like chief dickhead at Tony and Ryan.

I have not thought this through. But, yeah, I think that working in podcasting is good. But, yeah, I'd like to know my title here. Should we put this in the episode thread? Yeah. What should Tony's title be? Give me some ideas and we'll update the LinkedIn. And then I'm sure there'll be some weird looks and responses.

Also, if anybody has any idea of what I should tell people I do for work so that they don't instantly dismiss me. I wish I had this audio ready. Apparently there was this thing about sex workers. Yeah. And they made a song and it was like, say you're an accountant. Oh, yeah. Is that a song? Yeah, I'm an accountant.

I'm an accountant. When people ask you what you do just say you're an accountant. Because I think the thing is no one has follow-up questions. No. Because when you go, I podcast, they go, oh, what's a podcast? And then when you go, I'm an accountant, they go, cool, so what are you doing this weekend? That is so smart.

And we're allowed to make fun of our accountants because you were one. Well, when I say accountant, it's not a stretch. You, I mean, we've had some conversations. Would you? I don't understand it. People are like, oh, big time with the end of tax year. I'm like, I don't know. Didn't you just say you're an accountant?

No. Yeah? Money. I have a podcast. You caught me. Watch this space. I can't wait for people to tell us what they think we should say. Can you just call yourself a lady of leisure?

Maybe I should just tell people that I'm retired. And they'll just, do you know, because I dress so shit, they'll assume I'm a fucking tech whiz. Will they? Because I dress like shit. They'll probably assume that I'm from fucking Silicon Valley or something. They'll assume that you're from OnlyFans, mate. That's really sweet.

They would. I'm not hot enough to be a sex worker. If I set up, I don't know what I would set up. Trust me, mate, the money would be poor on him. No. For T-Lodge. Vivian would be first on the list. I think I'd be more likely I could be an accountant. And we all know how likely that is.

Not very likely at all. This isn't saying. No, you just, you can say it. You can say it. There is way more chance of you being an OnlyFans... Superstar. ...fan than an accountant. And neither are going to happen today, let's just say.

I should have a list of some money questions you've asked. Don't. Don't fucking out me. Is that something we could do? Is that something we could do? I'm such a, I just don't get it. And now with the, like, now we have a business. Yeah.

I don't understand why I've got a different account for something that has no money in it. Literally, I look at it and it says business account, $0. Like, what's the point? I don't understand why there's another way. We've opened the account in the hope that bit money will end up in there soon. At the moment, it's just a constant reminder that I work in podcasting. Is there money in it? Well, by the looks of things, not right.

Have you got a podcast? Yeah, can't you tell? $0 in that bad boy? Things you'll have to see. Shout out to Stacey who sent this to me. There's this bit in this trend on TikTok and it's like, show me your childhood crush and then show me who you ended up with. Yes.

And it's so good because they're always the childhood crushes like Pete Wentz or some angsty emo teen. And they end up with the accountant. They end up with the real dad bod stock white dude. So this lady says the caption, time to confess. Have you seen this? Yeah. And her childhood crush, like Tony, is Robert Pattinson. As Edward from Twilight.

Yep. And then she goes, and who did you grow up to marry? Taylor Lautner. She's married to Taylor Lautner. Who, if you aren't familiar with Twilight, is the arch-enemous. The arch-anem- arch-enem-

Oh, I didn't see this. Fuck yeah, accountant's not looking so bad now, is it? Show me the numbers, I'll do your tax. Arch-anenimate? Are you saying anenemy, like from Finding Nemo? Well, it's like arch-enemy, but it's arch-anonymous? Nemesis.

Yeah, that's it. They don't like each other in the films. I love to see this. I don't like to see this at all. It is such a funny video, though. She's like, yeah, I grew up wanting to fuck Robert Pattinson. I'm fucking the other dude. I had to set up a tale of a learner.

My love to see it is this post from Reddit that went viral during the week. And it's titled, Why do my students call me a goat? I'm a maths teacher for the eighth grade at the school I teach at. Throughout the whole past school year, there was this running joke where the students would call me a goat. I would respond back each time that they're goats and they would all laugh. Like they'd go, oh, miss, you're a goat. You're the goat. And she'd go, you guys are goats. And then they'd all laugh. Anyway, she said,

I've gone along with it this whole time and I thought, you know, it was pretty funny, but now I'm realising I think that they're actually being rude to me and I want to know what it means. The post has gone wild of people saying goat stands for greatest of all time. The kids love and adore you and appreciate you. It's a compliment.

And she didn't know this. It's a compliment. Sounds like you're a great teacher and that they really enjoy your classes, which is saying something since math is most people's least favourite subject. Tony Lodge included. Yeah, maybe I'll chat to this guy. Four plus four. Sorry.

I once met a mathematician at university who's literally a PhD in advanced math, and one of my mates met him and goes, what's two plus two? And the guy's like, four. And he's like, nope, checks out. Anyway, and then the teacher went back and edited their post and said, I'm in tears. I can't believe they've been complimenting me this whole time. Isn't that so special?

That is sweet. That is beautiful. But I love that the teacher was just like, you guys are goats. You go, you go. And the kids were just like, what, miss? And what sound does a goat make? Meow. Alone in the world with a little cat goat.

Love you, bye. I'm a goat. No, you're a goat. You're a goat.