Toni and Ryan - The Worst Time For An Operation

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

NORMAL OR NAH - Poo samples - Surgery times - love ya!!!!!Donate Blood Group - https://my.donateblood.com.au/app/myteams_home?org=TARPers&orgId=208250&search=Tarpershttps://tarpliverecordings.com/Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My colonoscopy is booked for... Ah! Ask for a new fucking doctor. Hi, I'm Becca, not Rebecca, from Saskatoon, Saskatchew in Canada. Hey, I'm Emily from Ipswich in Queensland, Australia. Hi, I'm Hannah from Calgary, Canada and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Tony Lodge.

My name is Ryan John. We heard that Tony had not a snake, but a lizard in her shower. Does that mean it's seen you naked? Yeah. Do we have an update? Yeah. So the lizard has disappeared. But still in the bathroom.

Are we assuming it came up through the... I don't know where it's come from. Or that little courtyard off the site like that window? Yeah, but like how would it have come in? If you can't see it, does that mean it's in you? Like, how did I eat it by accident? Do you normally eat in the shower? No, in my sleep.

Oh, yeah. Did it crawl into my mouth like on Matilda when Miss Trunchball eats the newt? Charles, can you go to Tartz as what? I actually look a bit like Miss Trunctable because of the way that I've got my hair right now. Can you look up Matilda in Tart says what? It's sleek with oil. My hair is so dirty. Tried to wash the other day, obviously.

And then the snake tried to kill me. Yeah. 52 times it's been mentioned in the movie Matilda. In an episode called spreading jismas, Six times in an episode called Cross Your Flaps for the Tilly's. Okay, so Matilda gets out. Oh, two hits in hypothetical baby names. That would be a hypothetical baby name for me, Matilda.

Yeah, well, I think that was on my list. But then should be Matilda Toblerone. I've just realized that because we were talking about the Matildas. Yeah. Oh. The Australian women's soccer team. That's why it would have been on that episode, yeah. Yeah.

It's like, oh, how funny we mentioned that movie during the episode about the women's soccer team. No, actually. No, actually, so fair. Well, Charles, you've got to figure out the AI on that. It needs to be able to... It needs to be the right context. Yeah, it needs to know what Matilda I'm referencing out of all times. Go to which matilda.com.

Is that taken? So what you do is you go on right, stuff. It's called soccer or movie.com. Women's football or kids film. I love the movie, Matilda. It's such a special one. Was that on your list? Is that what you said?

Matilda, I love the name Matilda. It's beautiful because I like Tilly as well. Yeah, and I think, yeah. Oh, this will be in today is when we look it up tomorrow. Oh. And for the robot, this is about the movie. And name, but not the football. And we talk about the soccer team as well.

Yeah. So you'd have to go through and figure that out. Speaking of sports that have fucking been happening in the last month or so. And sorry I'm a week late on this. the winter Paralympics are fucking insane. Yeah, really. This guy has one leg like above the knee amputation. Flying down a fucking mountain skiing on his other leg.

I'm just like, are you fucking right, man? I couldn't do that on both legs. That's what I mean. It's like, I mean, you know, I mean, you know, like, literally could. Yeah, like, fly and like, you know how the slaylin where it's like around the sticks. Holy shit. Yeah. I don't know.

Oh, and he's sponsored by Coca-Cola. Don't you love to see that? Flying the flag to the Japanese and the Coca-Cola. I don't know if there's a more skilled athlete than a guy like that. That is amazing. Holy shit. Good for you, dude. Yeah.

Fuck, that's so sick. Let's do normal honor. This is normal honor. This is from Tess. Hi, Tess. And I feel like Tess has worked up. Oh. Is Tess always, like, short for Tessica?

Or where do we, where does the word test come from? It feels like a shortened name. Tessa. So true. If the pegs on the clothes line aren't matching, I can't put the clothes out. Oh, by a dryer. Next. Go your one better.

Don't even fucking walk outside of your laundry. Matching pegs is a must. The colors have to match. My husband says, I'm unhinged. I say I'm orderly is requiring matching pegs normal or nah. Tony wouldn't even know. Get a dryer. Hardly mower.

Nah. Who cares? I will say normal. I get it. Because I think I'm not perfect of this. So I'm going to say something that's like not true. It's more like what I want to happen, not what I do. I would love all the clothes hangers to be the same type and facing the same way.

I totally get you. Are we doing black plastic? or would. Either's fine. Would that set your fucking back. But I mean, either's fine, but I just want them to kind of be the same. And you just want them to be the same size? Oh, when one's thin.

You know how some of the, like some is, one's longer and one's shorter and something sleeps like. And they just fall off the side. A thinny on a jacket. No, you need a high pressure one. Thank you. You know when sometimes I got a bit of girth on them? Like a suit hanger has got like, white.

Yeah. I've had a girthy. hangar, the shoulders on it were wider than the shoulders on me. Fuck, I can't believe you got through that. That was, God, that was a journey, wasn't it? What I will say about the back to the peg. We're about to fly to Riga on seven different flights to get there, and that journey will be significantly easier than the journey of the sentence I just tried to say.

The journey of the removal of my colonoscopy was 15 centimeters, and that was far longer than that. Um, the cleanliness Boston rating of that sentence was a two. Full of shit. Oh my God. New read is like, what are you at two on the Boston fucking scale? Because you're full of shit.

If you missed, when was it? Tuesday's episode, Tony's asshole cleaning was rated nine out of nine on the Boston asshole scale by a colonoscopist. Thank you. colonoscopist. Yeah, she was really colonoscopist off. Back to the pegs.

Sure. I don't like plastic pegs. They snap. They do. I am a wooden peg girl. I don't like so much, Sam. It's cottage core. What about the old school, like, just metal ones?

Oh, no, they get too hot in the sun. So true. They singe into your clothes. Not in this climate? Not in esterconomia, but get a dryer. I feel like that's where we've landed. Love you, Tess. Get a Samsung one.

It's very good. I love mine. How is it that Samsung are so great at some things and so not great at other things? Oh, like how good is a Samsung fridge but a phone can get in the bin? So true. Yeah. In fact, I'd go a great Samsung bin if they had one. You know, this is great.

You know what I'll use them for my Samsung phone. That's just really. I've got a good Samsung bin if they had one. Do you know what I imagine is that the Samsung bin, like it's a smart bin? Yeah. And you like, say you're like, oh, scraping the chicken off my plate and popping in the bin,

they go, oh, chicken. Like it knows. It knows. And then it separates it into recycling, recycling compost and rubbish. A smart bin. Write that down. Smart bin.

Is that a real? Oh. It exists. It's a Samsung bin. Oh, but it doesn't look like it. Oh, they don't even call it a bin. They call it a gym. jet station.

Jet clean station. But those smart bins do exist where, like, you put it in. It doesn't go numb, numb, num, chicken. Oh, that's a shame. It, like, decides, like, if it goes in. Sorry, Charles, what doesn't it go? It doesn't go. Num, num, num, num, numb, num, num.

You sound like Cookie Monster. If only Charles was old enough to know what that meant. He's been fucking on my cookie monster. Sorry, Charles, redact that. Yeah, we're at work. It's pre 5pm. Laurie has lobbed in. L-O-R-I.

Lori. Laurel. Yammy. Do you remember that? What a moment in time. Yeah. Were you alive for that, Charles? Yeah.

I think I was in like you're six or something. Like your six or you seven? Yeah. Oh, did you do that deliberately? Yes. Because he's a fucking child and he can't look at meh. I just always think.

No one making a giff out of that. I just thought the whole time that it was like a boob joke. Like every time they're like, ah, I thought it was like titties, but it's this dumb thing. Well, titties can be six, seven. Mine are a nine on the Boston. Boston Preparation Scale. How'd you prep those boobs? How's Laurie going?

Isn't it weird how in England they call a trucker Laurie? Is that a read on Tarp a Laurie? No, no, no, no. I'm just saying that, isn't it funny? It's a little bit funny. Do you think that Elton John will come to the Hens Night Live show party at the Truxie Theatre London tickets available now? I took a selfie at Chill Out Festival and people said I look like Alton John. Were you wearing this glasses?

Yeah. You just, just. I just found a photo online of Ryan's glasses on Elton John. My heart just stopped. Like actually I think that that is just. Okay. Also, we've zoomed in on. a photo of Elton John and it says

Alton John I can still explode at any and then it's out of shot. Moment. Oh, same. I can explode at any moment. With love and gratitude. There's everyone else in Australia have a spider cup. Tapa Lorry asks. We've got one one cup in the cupboard reserve for catching spiders with.

It goes through the dishwasher and back with the rest but obviously we don't drink from it. That's what drinking cups are for. Yeah, fair. So we have a drinking, we have, we have drinking cups and we have a spider cup. Is this normal or nah for everyone else in Australia? Um, as someone who eats popcorn out of the spew bowl, nah, I think it's fine. Like that's a similar energy. You just wash it.

A question. When you, the second time when you had to do the poo test. Yeah. The first time because you pooed into your hand. Yeah. Wood torbs. Yeah. Torbs's hand.

Torbs held the poo. And then it was contaminated, so you had to do it again. Yeah. What did you do instead? Just put the container into the, like held it in the toilet and shot into it. So what did you do with that container? I'm not even joking. My lunch is in it.

I'm actually, yeah, it was that Tupperware that's in the, it's got a sweet potato in it right now. Oh, you did that day too. You're a little sweet potato. that you're a tricky dicky yeah not like no shit what much shit has it worked yeah yeah because it's just a Tupperware container all good and then you just put in the dishwasher with all your other dishes I think I did give it a hot like like boiled the kettle yeah really gave it a good so yeah soar hot soak and like suds and fucking yeah and I'm not using like the brush I use for other stuff with that you know

I mean. Yeah, love it. I'm not using the dishmatic on the, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you shit into when you did a poop test last week? I used a container and I fucked that container off. The reason I had that question on my mind because I looked. Oh, you used a tapware and then scooped the little bit into it, got you? Because I just looked at it and I was like, but I can't look at you the same.

But like, I'll know. I haven't. It doesn't matter, but I'll know. I hadn't thought about it since. And I'm just like, yeah, well, that my lunch is in there. What's for lunch? Just, I already said, a sweet potato. Okay, the answer doesn't matter, but I think this question will...

Why, don't ask me then? No, no, this. Oh, what do you have for lunch? A sweet potato? It doesn't matter. You fucking ask me, you. I had to ask myself a question when I delivered my poop test the other day. Where did you have to take it?

Was at Warringle? No, there's a local place. Yeah. But I think I was on the phone to you and I'm like, Did you know the pathologies have like different companies? Yeah. You can't just take shit to anyone, literally. So they give you the, I'd do a blood test as well.

Oh, how'd you go? Because you're not going to be needles. No. Oh, it was so quiet that I, so the building, there was just me and the lady, the only people in the building because I was there like a minute opened at 8 o'clock. Yeah. So I was it a fasting one as well? No.

Well, I didn't know. So I'm like, I'm going to turn up fasted in case it is because I just want to get it done. So I'm like, I'll just get up and go. That's really brave. Yeah. It was just me. and the lady because like, oh, the receptionist gets in at nine and fucking time. And it was so quiet.

There's no music. I could hear, and I'm not good with blood. Oh, yeah. I could hear. That's a lot for you. Yes. The blood getting sucked out of my arm. And then I said to the lady, I'm like, oh, yeah.

So she goes, I could suck something out of you if you want. Is the sluggiest wing I think I've ever done? I said, oh, this is actually, I go, where do I bring it back? And she goes, yep, you can bring it back to the center. And I was like, but like, specifically. thick. Like, tell me. I don't want to walk in and say, where do I put this or line up?

Like, just tell me exactly what I need to do when I get that. Is there an intro? Because I'm going to come down with my head low. And I just like put it in that thing and let. And I got great. And she's like, so I go, where exactly? And they go, you can go to any of the 47 Dorovitches in Melbourne. You go, no, that's great, Doravich.

I'm saying that I need to know exactly in this center. Yeah. And I go to this one. And she goes, yeah. Or you can do this one if you like, if it's easiest. And I went, yeah so where specifically do i hand it to you i go specifically and she goes well it doesn't have to be specific any doroavitch in melbourne not a melpath but a dorovitch yes so i've had this chat and then

it's eight in the morning and what what's a normal thing to do when you wake up in the morning have a coffee have a poo yeah so i haven't had a coffee yeah i haven't done the second one because foreshadowing yeah i was like i don't want to i want to have one ready to go and so they give me the cups and this is the question I asked myself because she's like yeah you know whatever

drop it off anytime today like come back I'm like yeah I'm sort of working down the road here's the question how soon is too soon to drop it back yeah

you know what I mean because like did you do the where did you do the poo sample I went back home good but I was I thought you were going to

say that you could off though I was ready to go I was ready to go because you can't be shitting in a tapperware for a pool put stool sample in public in the you can't be doing that at the doctor's office you can't nah I won't allow that but I literally went straight home did it and then I was like if I go straight back do I look too keen am I too keen yeah or is she going to assume I did it in the car like as it was like round trip like it was so quick

there bang bang bang and I'm like do I need to give it yeah it's like when you don't want to answer the phone when it's ringing straight away yeah yeah give it a ring or two

yeah so like seven minutes way too quick eh yeah I reckon so the person after me was getting a blood test and they walked out and I was still there but no you weren't still there you'd come back

here you go they've given me a piss test before and I've done it there a wee I think is different but the poo in the tubware well because you have to scoop and do the twist and the thing but because it's got the little scooper yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

but then they also gave me these two like icy pole sticks like the wooden sort of like a paddle pop stick yeah and I was like well I think you poo in a container and then you like stick it and then use that to put it in the jar.

Oh, so the lid of my jar. Yeah, one of them had that thing. Had a scooper on the inside. And the other one didn't. I had to do two jars. One had a chemical water in it and the other was plain. What? And they go take a scoop, put it in there, take another scoop pop it in there.

And then I've got this fucking, then I've got this shit stick. But same shit? Yeah. Yeah. No, you can't be, can't give me a consumable. You know? You can't give me something that I have to. to then eradicate from Earth.

Yeah. So I put the stick, wrap that in toilet paper into the container, put them both in a plastic bag and fucked them off. And put it in the bin. Yeah.

Yeah. I thought you were about to say that you flushed it down the door. What you said? The whole container. That's what I wrapped in toilet paper just pop it in the loo. I'm like,

well, that probably wasn't the right choice. Good on you. Good on you for going. I know you're not great with blood and needles. So that I'm very part of you. Hearing it?

Yeah, that's rough. They should definitely have the fucking radio on or turn the fan up. Something like can you tell me your story or something? Yeah. Or just tell me about your, like tell me something. Yeah. I am.

Stress for our bodies, but we're doing the right thing. We are doing the right thing. And I would encourage anybody to go to the doctors and get something checked out if you're worried about it. Do you know what I think is an absolute crime against humanity? Not having the aircon on in those like where you have to go get a blood test. Because I'm pretty good with pain and needles and stuff. Like I'm actually sweet. I've got a pretty high pain threshold.

Yep. But like, you still do get a bit hot under the collar when you're sitting there because you just like, you want it to be over. Yeah, a bit stressed. Yeah. And then you got a little beat of sweat and you're like, fuck. Yeah, but it gets hot. And then when I get hot, I think you said this earlier this week.

Like when I'm hot, I'm just like, I'm useless. I'll never say that about you. No, no, no. I think you said this recently. I'm a fucking asshole. You said it about yourself. I was busy saying how useless Tony was. was the other day.

You were like, oh, when I'm hot, I'm not for anyone. Like, I just, I just get overwhelmed or whatever. And I'm the same. And so, like, I sit there and I'm pretty calm. But then I start to get hot. And I'm like, oh, actually, like, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed now. And they go, do you ever faint? And I go, maybe I could.

Like, I just, then you start kind of questioning the thing. I thought I was going to faint for a second. Because I hadn't eaten. And then when you didn't have to be fasting, I'm like, well, maybe I shouldn't have been fasting. Well, they go, oh, like, it's really hard to get, find a vein if you haven't been drinking and I go but you told me I couldn't is fasting including liquids at sometimes yeah often often yeah you can't have water either see a dehydrogen you coming in which is what makes

it hard for them to find a vein and who's a vein anyway uh finally shimony has a normal no that sounds like schmoney is it me a fake one-half tongue you finally read out one of my normal nars saving bad snacks for guests shmoney says is this not Normal or nah. My family keeper, guest jar full of stale lollies and weird chips that we don't want. Visitors thought it was special. But no, we were just trying to get rid of it. You're like, it's just shit we don't want.

Yeah. Is this normal or nah? It's not normal for me, but back in the day of like having lots of house parties, you would have like the drinks you would... Are you all right, Charles? Are we keeping you up, sweetheart? Was he just yawning? You just did the biggest yon.

You just did the biggest yon. My head was. Your mouth was wider than my pusshole last week. Whoa. You're okay? My mouth was hurting and I was trying to open it up. Oh yeah. I get that soft as well.

Yeah, lock jaw. I have my hand to like cover it. I know. Yeah. Are we keeping your watch? Do you want to head off? What was your sleep score last night?

Do you want to head off? I didn't put my watch last night. Oh. So zero. No, but I said for like nine hours. It was good. Oh, that's really nice.

So why are you tired now? I'm hot. Do you want to coffee, Charles? Do you want to head off, genuinely? Do you want to head off? Can I head off? No. I'm just like if you're offering them.

Well, if you guys want to go, I can't finish this. I've got a couple of leave early. I've got a couple of leave early passes going around. I'll take one of those half days. You guys head off? I'll finish this. Okay. But up next, just me.

This is Emily from Ipswich in Queensland, Australia. I'm Becca, not Rebecca, from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. Hi, I'm Hannah from Calgary Canada and you're listening to Tony. Right. Thank you very much for listening. Thanks for being here on this beautiful Thursday, whatever you're up to. But a quick shout out to a few of our champion tarpice, which is one of our tiers on Patreon. We can't do it without you.

So thank you, Kendall. Love to see it. Jay, good on you, Jay. Mel, love to see it, Mel. Paula State. I hardly know estate. K.P. Good on your KP.

Smellin. Smellon. smithminerous. Aaron de Grisio. Oh, could I... Good I, man. So, do you have anyone? I'd love a...

I'd love a Pino de Grisio. Can I get the Aaron de Grisio? It's from the de Grisio region of southern France. It's a cool climate. Climate? Climate. Just to say it's called climate. It's a cool climate.

That's why the grapes are there for the and fucking peanut, whatever fucking name is. So you said it's called climate. Like, that's the area. And I was like, oh, it doesn't sound very French to me. Oh, right next to fucking Apulcini is climate. Sorry, what I said. Sounded to tell you.

Don't, yeah. Lani, Bonani. I don't think you know what Europe is. And I suggest you find out because you're doing a show there on Sunday. Tomorrow, yeah. Meg Mavro, good on you, Meg. Web, good on your chelity, Meg P and Chris Abel. Thank you very much for being part of it.

I love to see it. See you in fucking Riga. Riga on Sunday. Next Saturday, next Friday night is Stockholm. And I believe on Saturday we're going to do a live stream from Sweden somewhere. Lifestrone. Yeah. We're going to do a live stream.

On the 29th. 29th, we'll do a live stream from Sweden. Are we eating Swedish snacks or fucking around? Yes, maybe something IKEA based. Can we do it from that sauna? place that Lily sent. Oh, I haven't seen that. It's just like a gangster sauna by a lake that just looks like the most beautiful,

calm, peaceful thing ever. So the thing about it being beautiful, peaceful and calm is that you'll be there. Oh, so don't you finish. What are you getting that? I know, I don't. You're such a little. But we can't live stream from there. We'll like bother everyone else.

Why not? We'll bother everyone else. Because you'll be there. Oh, that does feel harsh. Yes. It's very nice. is it. No, but I'll pop that.

But us being fuckheads there is probably not the right vibe, you know? So I was right. Yeah, but not for the reason you said. I'm going to make a promise. Is it to not be a fucking asshole? No, no, no, no, we're by the bad. Do I need to get the horse bitch out? I do want to go to that sauna though.

Yeah. Yeah, sauna hardly no one. I've got a promise from me to the tarpers out there. Yeah. And me, I'm a tapper. Not Charles, though. He's tired today. I've got a story about booking in a colonoscopy.

And then I reckon we give the ass chat a couple of weeks. Okay. You know what I mean? No, no, no, no. It's been a big part of our lives of recent. I've just got to change my love to say it. No. It's been a big part of our life because we're going through this and doing the prep and the meetings and stuff.

But we've had, like, Tuesday was a pretty graphic day. No, because she's such a beautiful storyteller. And I just... No, but like, there's too much of a good... You know what I mean? Too much of a good. Okay, well, too far. You've got...

You never corrected. I literally saw inside your asshole on Tuesday. Yeah. And now we're going to have a little fun break for a few weeks. Yeah. Like a holiday. So, actually, I probably should check this. Oh, you said there was like a bit of a hemorrhoid checkup and a polyp and a few little bits and pieces.

Yeah, two polyps that they've had to biopsy and I'll find out whether they're cancerous or not and then three hemorrhoids that had to be, um, banded up that I then had to shit out. And I believe you said it ended up being a bit more involved than it possibly might have been. And you said this sentence and it's just really it's something in my brain a little bit. You're like, I didn't think it would be such a serious surgery because it was in the afternoon. And I said, what? And you went, I assume serious surgeries happen in the morning. And if it's in the afternoon, it must just be pretty routine and standard. So when they said it went for a bit longer and they had to do this, this and this,

you were like, well, that sounds like a morning surgery. Well, mentally, I just wasn't really prepared for them to find anything maybe. Yeah. Like, I think I'd like wake up and they'd go, oh, you actually all clean. So glad we did the checkup, but like it's looking good. Tell where does the time? So I think. Like if they said come in 9 a.m. Monday, you'd be like, fuck.

Okay. So to put it into perspective. Yep. my foot surgery when I broke my foot last year was I had to be at the hospital at 6.30. I am. Right. And so it was like you had to fast from the day before and you get, you wake up at 5.30. You leave home at 6.

You get there at 6.30. And then you wait to be led in and you know, you're one of the first surgeries of the day. That to me says they get up and they like get straight into you. It's business. You know what I mean? Yeah. Knock you out and fucking fuck you right up. the best way.

When they said to me my admission time for my colonoscopy, and it was not at a clinic, like it was at the Warrington, private hospital, my admission time is three. I'm like, well, like, have you gone out for lunch and had a fucking apparel spritz? Like, are you coming back and taking that seriously? That just go, oh, and we'll just, you know what? We'll do a bunch of serious surgeries. And then after lunch, why don't we just do a colonoscopy?

Like they're thinking about sizing their day up. We'll just check a couple of butts on the way home. Yeah. And we'll pop a spaghetti on for dinner. Yeah. And like the pressure cook was on a home. No fucking worries. Bob's your uncle.

Assholes check. Pulips. Biops. Eat all good. And so because it was late in the day, there was something in my mind that was like, oh, they, because the morning is for deep work.

I get my, apologies to saying deep work, but I get my best work done in the morning. Yep. And I know that after. is probably when I get a little bit silly. And all of us are kind of like that. And so I don't want to be in the silly part of the day.

So true. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to tell you when mine is. And there's actually only two parts to this. Yep. And both of them aren't great. Okay. My colonoscopy is booked for lunchtime on Saturday.

Oh! Oh! Oh, I might as well do a colonoscopy. The bank's closed. Yeah. Might as well do a colonoscopy. Can't go to the post office after 12 on a Saturday. Can't buy a car after 12 on a Saturday.

Might as well go do a fucking colonoscopy. Do you think it's for... Hang on. Sorry, I've just got to pick the kids up from soccer at 8. Get home. Give them some week bicks. And then, yeah, 12. Yeah, just get him in for 12.

Absolutely horrific. Ask for a new fucking doctor. Do you reckon they said 12? Or do you reckon they've used the term? They did not say lunchtime. Lunchtime. You can't be using the term lunchtime in a scientific medical profession. When you're in my asshole.

You can't be using the term lunchtime while I'm fasting. You can fuck the hell off as well. But you can't say lunchtime is like, what time Charles did you want to meet at the pool? He goes, oh, lunchtime I go great. What time did you want to come in and go under anesthetic? around lunch. Lunchtime, babe, maybe. Well, I get the vibe that...

Not parking out the front as well, so... I get the vibe that he wants to brunch. And then he'll come... He wants a sleep in on a Saturday. Bit of a sleep in. Yeah, I'll get an oat latte. A. Eggs Benedict. Hey, mate, sorry. Ryan, I know you're in at lunchtime.

Did you want a coffee, mate? Because I'm actually... Just down the road. Did you want anything? Yeah. Are you fucked? Take that more seriously. As a doctor myself,

bound by the Hippocratic oath. I think that's completely unreasonable. So he does... Saturday, just full stop. He's like, I do Saturdays at this one place where he's at. Not at Easter. Wow. He doesn't do Easter.

Are you fucking saying that because you knew what was happening? No, no, no. Well, you told me that he'd said like, oh, any, like any day's fine. Tony's away at Easter. Yeah. And I'm back and I was like, well, that's a good chance because Tony's away. So I'll be away. Yeah.

Yeah. And I go, great. We'll do then. And he goes, well, I do every Saturday except Easter. I didn't know, though. that the new date you got was a Saturday. Yeah, or the next Saturday. Yeah, I didn't know.

Yeah. He only does Saturdays. I didn't realize I was getting a colonoscopy from leisure suit Larry. Who's just rolling in on a Saturday doing colonoscopies. There's something to this, I think. It's just, it's too casual. I reckon. Because that's not Dr. Bart is it?

It's not. Dr. Bart's on holidays. Dr. Bart does 7 a.m. on a Tuesday. He doesn't. That is the most. clinical time, I think, 7 a.m. on a Tuesday. Yeah, Monday you can still be a bit rough from a Sunday night football game, but Tuesday, you are in the zone. Tuesday is like, oh, I've got a doctor's appointment. When is it? Tuesday morning. Well, obviously.

Yeah. Well, obviously. That's when a doctor's appointment is. He also... It's also blue. Didn't... Tuesday morning is blue. What's lunchtime Saturday? Hang on. Three, two, one. Orange. Apparel sprints. Yeah.

It's orange. It's lunch. I say fair, it's too chill. He was so chill that when... He's going to be asleep as well. When he gave me all the, like, he's like, you need to get this test, this test and this test. I was like, where, how do I need to fast? He was just like, have three pieces of paper and go fuck yourself. I'll see you on a Wednesday after I finish my upper all sprit.

Saturday. Saturday, sorry? Should I say a new doctor? Nah, well, when you ask for admin information though, and someone goes, no, it doesn't matter. It's not very nice, is that? Sometimes this is important. Something happened before and they said, like, don't worry about it. And I was like, oh, she doesn't like that.

Well, I don't like it because if I'm asking, I'm not an idiot and I want to know. Yeah. Do you know what I? Like, it's just like, oh, no, this is fine. Yeah. I can ask you. Yeah. But I just think that when you're going into the hospital, it's quite serious.

and it feels really crap. Like, this is like such a big change in your life from your day to day that I'm like, when you're so casual about it, it makes me feel like, oh, is this not, you know? Are you going to take care of my life? That's what I mean. Can you do this surgery having just watched Axel Whitehead on video hits? Like, rolling out of bed, you've had half an English muffin

with some leftover Christmas ham on it. And then you're just rolling in. I also, so I said to them, oh, what time do I have to be there? So at least you got a fucking time. I said, oh, sorry. At least you got a breadth of information. I said to them, what time is it? They go, oh, they'll call you and let you know.

And I went, when? And they go, another guy will call you to tell you when the call is. Yeah. I go, oh, when do they call? They go, oh, the day before. And I go, what do you? What do you mean you're going to call me the day before and tell me that I'm going under anesthetic? Yep.

What do you mean? That's not serious enough. Meet me where I'm at. Have you seen Inception? Yeah. You know how they kind of go under anesthetic in the plane? Yeah. Would you like that on us going to Riga?

No. Because wouldn't that you just fly by? No. No, because anesthetic really knocks me about. Yeah. I feel shit for a couple of days. No, like after. You'll time it to bring you back up somewhere over Germany.

For the live show. No, so then you've got that last stretch to kind of like, well, what? It took me a couple of days to unfuzz after my fucking colonoscopy. But, no, I, no, I wouldn't. I like watching a movie. Okay. Yeah. Should we watch Inception?

Oh. That is Inception. We'll press play together. Charles and I did that on the way back from L.A. after I broke my foot. What was the movie? Minecraft movie. We wanted a chicken sandwich boys of us fell asleep So

Saturday after That's too casual I feel bad for you Do you want me to drop you off Yep Don't pick me up Yeah well because you got to get someone I pick you up

I said it'd be fine And they said we can't let you go No it's actually so not fine I think I'll get the train No they won't let you leave Without your person there Will the train conductor come and get me? Well, he invented time, so maybe. I've got to you love to see it. Please. And it is,

I know we were talking about blood tests and medical staff and all of that, but Jess Key and I have been discussing donating blood. So it's been a theme on the show recently that we're talking about donating blood, donating plasma. Charles is a big donator, which is so wonderful. But Jess said, I donate all the time, but I would love to start a group of for donations for tarpers. Yep. And we had one years ago, but I think because we didn't really talk about it, it went inactive and they just shut them down.

Oh, okay, yeah. So we've started a new one. Fuck, yeah. So I'll put the link up, Charles can put it in the show notes and everything. But so Jess has very kindly set this up for us. So if you want to, if you are going to donate blood anyway, or maybe if this is the kick that you needed to go and do it, you can go and contribute to our like total.

So all of the tarpers. I don't want to say it into a pool, but it goes into like a, it round, yeah, sorry, but it goes all into a thing. And I know that, yeah, like, not being great with needles, not feeling great, but like, it's a really wonderful thing that you can do. And you get to see, like, how all the other tarpas around Australia have contributed. That's so good. Which is really cool. So I love to see that. Thank you, Jess, for setting that up for everybody.

And thank you to people that go and donate because it saves lives. Um, yeah, that it actually really does. Um, so I just, I had the thought of the blood making the sound and I know it's all the time to bring that up. But as soon as you said that, I went. But that won't happen when you donate blood. And just, and we'll go with a friend who will sing. I could. Yes.

I'll go. Charles, next time you donate blood, I'll come and I'll sing. Okay. I just joined so. Oh, wonderful. My love scene is from Samantha. Hardly, Noah. Now, well, it starts a bit sad, but.

Sorry, Samantha. I do know you and I'm sorry. Samantha just lost her beloved cat Frankie, unfortunately. Poor Frankie, we love you. Not unexpected, but you know, it's still so sad. Catching up on the podcast has brought me a smile, you know, and as I'm sort of having a moment and just, you know, being a bit sad, it's bringing me back, which is nice.

The first time I laughed out loud in a long time was Tony joking about putting the chicken feet under the theatre seats at the live show in London. So that really gave me a big laugh for some reason, just really hit the spot. So thank you for bringing me joy. Just to confirm in the Troxy Theatre in London for your hens party, will there be chicken feet under the seats? We have spoken to the International Customs Division. They've said no.

Okay. But can we confirm there'll be something on the seats? Are we at that stage yet? There is something on the seats. It will not be edible, but it will be slutty. and I actually have just ordered my dress for the hen's night. Emphasis on hen. That's all I'll say.

It's what I think that we've talked about. I don't know. But Sam, glad we could bring you some smile, Samantha, and hope you are doing well. Love you, Samantha. It's very hard when we lose anyone in our lives and a little pez, very sad. Yep. So we have some live shows coming up. Sorry, I just got a little pop of your bicep just then when you did that. I got a little, a little fucking hit of the gun show to my left here.

Okay. All right. Should we start just cutting off our t-shirts? Is that what we're doing? Oh, my, sorry. I'm going to tuck mine into my bra. If you want to see it in Riga in Stockholm, home. If you want to touch those guns in Riga.

Are you seeing that? That's pretty good. We're seeing it. Should we take our tops off? Yep. Can you smell peanut butter? My puss nut butter. Oh, hey!

All right. See you next week. Love you. For the gun show. Oh, they might not let you into the country, mate. Are you traveling with any weapons? Those weapons of mass destruction. I was going to see yeah I am love you babe are we still on yeah

no