Toni and Ryan - The Worst Time To Order Food

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

A tale of two uber eats orders GONE WRONG. Love ya! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hello. My name is Ryan. I'm here with author Tony Lodge. Where are we headed, Ryan? We're headed to Helsinki. Oh, that sounds Helsinki. Like Helsick? No. Okay. To Finland we go. And we're speaking to Lisa. Hello, Lisa? Yes, yes. Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. Hi, great.

Have we called you in the middle of the night, Lisa? Yeah, but I was kind of so. Were you asleep or have you stayed up all night for us? I slept an hour or so and then I put an arm in. That's real commitment. But to let you get back to bed, would you like to very quickly approve the podcast? I promise this is not a dream. Of course.

Great. That would be my pleasure. Hi, this is Lisa from Finland, and I approve this podcast. Tony's book is out I'm trying to pump you up This really backfired We've been calling author Tony Lodge author Tony Lodge for a while now but the book is officially out It's out. Go and buy it, get around it

I wonder if people have got it now because it's like It's in a post Surely it's ended like a day or two prior so it arrives on launch day I don't think that I'm Australia Post it sounded like a day or two prior so it arrives on launch day. I don't think that I'm Australia Post's favourite person at the moment. Well, maybe you shouldn't have fucking bombed them up on a podcast. Ah, so podcasts that I didn't think any Australians listened to.

Did they- Hang on, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Question. Is it true that after you bagged out Australia Post on the podcast, their head office sent you a DM on Instagram? You don't have to say what it was about or if you reply, can you just confirm or deny that?

I can confirm that that did happen. Okay. So I hope the books get delivered on time or someone else will be getting a few more fucking spicy replies. Now let's get into Flapped Tony of all things. Oh, fucking awesome. I love that I've like my great life achievement, my milestone moment, my ice cream cake, all that.

Yep. And then now you're just going to rile me up. That's all you're saying. You're actually like a family member. Thank you. You're like a brother. Thank you. This is actually like brother territory for sure.

But I also like that I got my own paragraph in the book and not just be into the family. No. Imagine if it was like, to all my siblings, you're so great. I'm writing like a brother to you too. I wrote something really nice about you in the book actually. You did. I won't read it or I'll two. I wrote something really nice about you in the book, actually. You did.

I won't read it or I'll cry. There's no need to lie. Now, Tony literally years ago said, I've been having a great time. I'm unflappable. And you're about to see why that's not true because Tony is, in fact, flappable Tony. 50% of people get freaked out by this.

Yeah. The other 50%, us normal ones, think this is normal and freaked out by this. Yeah. The other 50%, us normal ones, think this is normal and just the obvious thing to do. The other day we were leaving Vic Garden Shopping Centre. Yep. And Tony says, oh, do you need to go to the pay station to pay for parking? Because you put the little ticket in, it tells you how much it is.

Yep. What a waste of time. I was like, nah, you just tap your card when you exit. Tony had a complete meltdown. There are people, there are cars lining up and most car parks aren't designed that well in terms of like you have to, they're like entrance lanes kind of then you kind of split off to the right or the left or you go forward.

And to get in and out of where all the spots are, it's actually if you back up the boom gates for the parking sensor thing, more than two cars, no one can go anywhere. It's gridlock. Right. more than two cars no one can go anywhere it's gridlock right and it doesn't actually take that much to fuck the system and the flow of traffic in the car park but what do you think surprisingly easy to fuck it up you put your ticket in and it goes a dollar and then you just go straight out how many times every time it works how many times have you been sat though in the car and someone puts their ticket in, they obviously haven't paid for it,

and they go, oh, fuck, hang on, oh, wait, where's my wallet? Oh, I left it in the boot of the car with all the shopping. You lose your wallet all the time and you don't believe in Apple Pay. Are you giving me the finger right now? No. No. I mean, yeah. No, that was what a childish move.

Sorry, I just was resting my hand on my chin and my hand on my chin? My chin on my hand? Yep. No, I'm not giving you the bird. But I feel like I want to. Right. You lose your wallet all the time. Yep.

And you don't believe in Apple Pay. I believe in it. I just don't believe it for me. Imagine, though, you go. My body, my choice. It'll be so much quicker if I just do it at the thing. Then you're sitting there and then you go, oh, fuck, I don't know where my wallet is.

Then what are you going to do? Then you press the intercom button and they go, hello? And you go, yeah, hey, Matt, I don't know where my ticket is. And they go, okay, we'll just open the gate for you. How can you expect that that will just work? Because it has a few times because I lost my wallet. I don't know where the card was. But, like, if you lose your ticket, it always says, like,

lost ticket is, like, $50 fee or whatever. No, they just waive that. But they don't, though. They don't always just do that. Most of the time. That's never happened to me. In my experience, that has never happened. You would have paid at the pay station.

Yeah. Because I wouldn't risk. Not everyone's just got spare $50, mate. Got to listen to how flapped she is. Got to. I hate that this works every time. The thing is. Bridget's with you on this one.

My wife freaks the fuck out. I was leaving, exiting the same shopping centre yesterday, Vic Gardens, and the guy in front of me, who, might I add, cut me off to get out of the shop, which already fucked me off. And then, so you know the other week, right, when we were talking about how if someone, like, cuts you off or speeds up past you and then you end up at the same lights and you go, luckily you fucking cut me off, dickhead.

Yeah. You got so much further than I did. Yeah. Oh, so funny that you're here with me when I was holding you up before. So this guy in this massive Tarago, like people move a fucking Toyota, like sliding doors fucking car. I get it. You can produce semen.

Yeah, right. You've got 70 kids. Yeah. They cut me off and then they're trying to put their ticket in and it's not working. I reckon I was sat, it was about a song and a half, which is a long as fuck time. Yeah.

The traffic's banking up. Everything's setting on fire. Babies are crying. Like people are just like throwing their food out of their cars. Ice cream's melting. Meat's going off, you know. And then he's like trying to fumble with the thing. He's pressing the intercom.

They're like, well, sir, like you just need to try and put it in. And he goes, yeah, I'm doing that. Because obviously my window was down because I thought I was like about to do my thing. You don't want to be that guy. Why would you risk ever being that guy don't want to be that guy. No. Why would you risk ever being that guy? I've never been that guy. And once I was trying to put my ticket in and it like, you know how sometimes it like

rejects it the first time? Yeah. The first reject, game over. You're shoving the thing in. It's getting bent. You're fucking it up. You're making it so much worse. The more you try to shove it, the more it'll fuck the car to make it harder for you.

It's got to relax. Right. Just pretend you're in the water. Oh, I like that. In fact, don't drive your Audi up to the booth. Swim up. Surf up. Swim up.

Catch one in. Yep. I'll just wear that jacuzzi suit, so I'm always wet, and I'll do that when I'm parking from now on. If you want to flap, Tony, this is how to do it, folks. My next one. This is another one from me. Usually people submit them.

This is all me this week, baby. What do you think about ordering Uber Eats to a university lecture theatre? What? So if I'm at uni and I'm in the lecture and I go, because you know my class is from 6pm to 9.30 at night. Yeah. So an organised person would have something beforehand or take a packed lunch to have like in the break or...

It's like three and a half hours. Like, yeah, you can't just eat beforehand. Do you have a break? Yeah. Yeah. So you couldn't take a packed lunch and eat then or... Didn't the other week you said that in the break you had an okonomiyaki? I did.

I went with one of the exchange students. Yeah. break you had an okonomiyaki? I did. I went with one of the exchange students. Yeah, and you had an okonomiyaki. Japanese pancake. Oh, so then if you know you've got a break coming up where you could go and get an okonomiyaki, why wouldn't you just do that? I wasn't really feeling an okonomiyaki and I was craving something specific and so I took a little video from inside the lecture theatre where I'm doing my MBA and I did an Instagram poll

and I said, is it totally fine to order Uber Eats to the lecture theatre? Absolutely not. That is so fucking rude. That is so rude. Not only is it incredibly rude to like eat while somebody else is like teaching you or whatever instead of like either taking notes or listening, you're sitting there chowing down on a kebab when someone's like teaching you. Not only is that rude, but then the guy going, oh yeah, so E equals MC

squared and you go, oh, sorry, mate. Yep. Yeah. Pizza for Ryan. Yeah. Yeah. That's me, mate. Yeah. Oh, come upstairs, bro. I'm not fucking walking down there. Yeah, mate. Sorry, could you just all shut up? I don't care about economics right now. Yeah, mate. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, do you have any cutlery?

You got any cutlery? Cunt. Cunt. Did you do it? So in the Instagram poll, 56% of people said totally fine. 44% of people said not cool. And I'm guessing after those hot, spicy words of yours, we know which side you're in. You know how on Instagram...

I cannot believe that 50% of people reckon that's fine. A lot of DMs said only if you offer for everyone. Even, I just think. So you get a couple of extra large chips and go, oh yeah, if anyone wants a chip. How disruptive of the whole, like, the thing is, is that like you're doing your, no, I'm actually not flapped. I'm just fucked off.

This is ridiculous. That's the same thing. No, it's not. No, it's not. Because you're doing your MBA, right? What's the median age of everybody in that class? Would you say that the median age was adults? Yeah, early 30s.

Yeah. So everybody is a grown-up. Yep. Yeah, and knows how to manage their own day. Was anybody else ordering Uber Eats? Well, when I posted it, there was a few others in the class that DM'd me and were like, oh, bro, like, fucking if you're going to do it, get two. So you were on Instagram during class doing this video.

Well, just a little snippet. And then you were considering also ordering Uber Eats, and you know how long that takes because you get in a scroll hole and you go, yeah, it's all the same shit or whatever. It's like a long process. But that's why I was planning ahead because I was like, I was in Clown by the time I choose and by the time it gets here, you know, it's probably going to be towards the end.

And you kind of, you know, yeah. You know. Nah. So. I've always got a little muesli bar in my bag because then if I know that I'm getting really hungry, I could, like, bide my time. What would be more disruptive, me getting Uber Eats or me sitting there and my stomach's like...

The Uber Eats. That's not a question. And the teacher has to go, oh, hang on a second, stop everyone. Are you a bit hungry, mate? I can hear your tummy rumbling. Maybe just get yourself some Uber Eats so we don't have to hear that. No one would say that. They'd go, you're a fucking adult.

Why haven't you organised your own shit? Was this the first week you went? No, second or third. Oh, okay. So you knew how long the class was. And you knew what part of the day it fell on. This is just piss poor um preparation from you how are you going to get peak performance with piss poor preparation so you know how when you're

in an apartment get uber eats it's like do you want us to leave it at the door or bring to the like you know yeah leave outside yeah i was disappointed that whilst being on university premise it wasn't like bring to the theater or bring to the seat because I was at the top of the theatre. But check your phone because I tagged the university in the post for some reason and they've replied. Oh, and they're proper adults. Hi, Ryan. Thanks for tagging us in your post about Uber Eats in the classroom.

As a general rule, general rule, we discourage eating inside the lecture crumbs to minimise crumbs, stains, smells and things like that. As much as possible, we encourage students to time food deliveries in line with the break periods and eat them at the hub. You can reach out to our program services if you need alternative arrangements regarding this policy. So they've said exactly what I said.

I am now the dean of a university. Professor and author, Tony Walsh. Hi, this is Lisa from Finland, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Riley Clemmings. Thanks for fucking being here. Glendog. Rebecca Chantel. Chantel.

Jackie Ha. Nathaniel Philippen. Zach Nemick. And Jessica Wardlaw. Thank you so much for being here. Love that you're a part of the Patreon. Nemick and Jessica Wardlaw. Thank you so much for being here. Love that you're a part of the Patreon. Love seeing your names pop up. Thank you so much.

Good to see Zach back in the rotation. Yeah. Zach, I mean. One of the OGs. He's timeless. Yeah. Timeless. What a guy.

So speaking of Uber Eats. You want to order it mid-podcast? Even. Should we? No. Okay. I've planned my day ahead. 56% said yes.

And I know that there's leftover ice cream cake from yesterday. Okay, okay. So last week, Torbs and I got home from surfing and it was like 10 o'clock. And because I'm an organized person, we had food in the fridge at home. And I was like, cool, when we get home, I know that we've got shit to eat. I'm guessing you're starving after that, hungry so hungry how do you make it home without doing a little drive-thru well because sometimes we do that and then i was like you know what we've actually just been fucking we've been exercising yeah don't don't undo the good work yeah by you

know getting a cheesy on the way home and anyway normally we do like a big shop on the weekend. So our week is like our food is planned. Anyway, and we got home. It was just after 10 o'clock. So it's really late. And I had an early start the next morning. And we went home thinking we had food in the fridge. We get home.

The food's fucked. Like it was like chicken. It was like smelling a bit funky. And because I can't smell at the moment because I'm along COVID, I'm like really paranoid about it. So something's going to fucking stink. You're not going to know and just eat it and go, oh, yeah, great. And the next thing you're pooing through a straw.

Literally. So we got home. Or in a shoebox. It was looking a bit off. And I was just like, oh. And Tul's like, let's just order something. We have to eat. We didn't have any other food in the house, so we ordered something.

Is there a better feeling in the world when you're like... Half already thinking about it. But your part, it's like whoever's the one that says it, they're the fucking naughty ones. Yeah, and you go, oh. Well, I guess if you've said it, you've brought it up. If that's what you want. Yeah.

And sometimes Toul's goes like, oh, what should we have for dinner? I'm like, oh, we've got that stuff in the fridge. He goes, you feeling like anything else? Like neither of us want to be the first one. And I'm like, if you want to suggest something, that's fine. And he goes, yeah, cool, so you're suggesting something? So are you suggesting something? And then I go, oh, wouldn't it be great if we had a pizza?

And he goes, oh, well, if you want a pizza, I'm like, why didn't you just say? Well, I mean, why didn't you just say? It's easy to not be the guy. Because he's the cooker of the family. He is, yeah, the chef. Do you reckon he's got like a bit of an advantage because he can kind of look in the fridge and go, oh. Not sure about that, mate.

Might be a bit off. It's not looking quite as fresh as I thought it was. Well, that spinach is all a bit wilted or got a bit wet in the bottom. For all we know, it's the driest bottom spinach we've seen. For all we know, the chicken looks good. Yep. He's a fucking liar. Yeah, I know.

And I would never know because I'm never going to face him up on it because I want the pizza as well. So you both want pizza. You're not in a university lecture theatre. You're like, things are looking good. So it was feeling appropriate to order something. But it's really late at night. It's like after 10 o'clock and I was like, you know what,

let's order some fucking Maccas. Oh, actually, it's really late at night. It's like after 10 o'clock. And I was like, you know what? Let's order some fucking Maccas. Oh, actually, it was Hungry Jack's. Yeah. Burgers are better at Hungry Jack's. They fucking are. The flame's real, baby. You can't fucking. You taste the flame.

You taste the smoke. Okay, dad. Anyway. But the burgers are actually better. So we ordered Hungry Jack's. I ordered it on my phone. And I was tracking, like watching the GPS because I'm hungry and I'm fucking tired

and I'm watching this person like a hawk. Would you say you're getting snippy? No, I wasn't really getting snippy, but I was hungry and I was just like a bit fucking fed up of waiting. So maybe a little bit snippy. I'm not fucking snippy. I just fucking want my food on time. And as you said, Torbs is the chef of the house.

So it only makes sense that he's the Uber Eats getter. Because he provides the food. Sure. So he's the guy. He goes down. It's almost here. And he goes, okay. He puts his shoes on.

He goes downstairs. Who wears the pants in that house, I tell you. Torbs does because he has to go downstairs and pick up the food. Anyway. It only makes sense because he cooks for me six nights a week that on his one night off cooking, he has to do all the work. No, he is this guy. I did the ordering.

I ordered it. I sat on my phone on the couch. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm watching this guy like a hawk. And we live, where we live, it's like there's a lot of, it's like all main roads. Yep. There's like a lot of traffic and it's all traffic lights and there's trams and there's always a fucking lot going on.

It's fucking chaos. It's pretty chaotic. And so Torbs goes downstairs as I say, oh, he's at the corner. He's about to turn onto our street. Yep. And then he'll be there. So like he's literally right there. He's on the thing that says like zero minutes away.

Yeah. Torbs goes down there. I's on the thing that says like zero minutes away. Torbz goes down there. I'm sitting in my ivory tower. I'm watching the GPS and I'm like, Torbz is down there. You didn't give him the phone? Well, normally I do. Because then he can track in real time and see him. But I think because it was late, I think maybe I was.

You were snippy. You needed to keep your phone. I needed to keep my phone. I needed to watch my shows. And so I had my phone, but I started doing something else. Maybe I was like replying to comments on Instagram. Like I was not even in the Uber Eats app anymore. And five minutes later, Torbs calls me and goes, hey, bro,

like where are they? And I was just like, oh, yeah, fuck, you have been gone for ages. What the fuck? I checked the app. Yeah. And nothing fucks you off like this. The order had been cancelled three minutes ago. What?

What do you mean cancelled? They'd already made it. They were already. Well, he was just around the corner. The Burger King had made his burgers. Yes. Hungry Jack had delivered. Yes.

And the guy was on his bike and it said like, yep, that he's just around the corner. And I was like, what the fuck? That's weird because like if they cancel because it's late at night or whatever, it's normally like before they make the food or they like don't accept your order or whatever. And there was a button that said like connect me with driver and I had like call the driver as an option. So I was like, okay, I'll call him up.

But instantly I'm thinking because I've read these stories and seen I was like, okay, I'll call him up. But instantly I'm thinking, because I've read these stories and seen these TikToks, right, where people go, oh, I'm a DoorDash driver and I've like stolen people's food before because they get a refund and they just remake the food. Someone else gets the thing, but I get the food. So are you saying that not only are you a fan of Hungry Jack's because the burgers are better, not only is Torbs a fan of Hungry Jack's. Not only are you a fan of Hungry Jack's.

But your delivery driver's gone, fuck. Those chippies smell all right. The burgers are better at Hungry Jack's. And he's just fucking off. He goes, you can taste the grill. You can feel the smoke. Yeah. You reckon he's done this and he's fucking gone, oh, no, this is mine.

So exactly like I expected my food to be, I get pretty fucking hot. Thanks. Thank you. That's a good line. Thank you. No, it's not. None of it's spelt right either. So I'm getting pretty fucking hot and I fucking smash

call driver on my phone. I fucking smash that button so hard I needed a new screen protector and I fucking put the phone out of my ear. And I go, and he goes, hello? And I go, hey, mate, like, you've got my food. You've just cancelled my order. What's going on? And he goes, oh, I'm so sorry.

I've been in an accident. Was the accident you sneezing and inhaling my dinner? I accidentally ate all your food and took it home to my family. No, so he goes, I was in an accident. I was like, oh, my God. And he goes, yeah, a car came out of nowhere, knocked me off my bike. Bullshit. And the food's everywhere.

Where? Take a photo. And I go, well, I'm the most gullible person in the world. And I go, oh, my God, are you okay? And he goes, what? And I was like, are you all right? And he goes, don't worry, they'll refund you the money. And I was like, bro, I don't care about the money.

Like, are you all right? Like, do you need help? I literally live upstairs. Like, let me come down and fucking help you. I'll get the Benedict on you, fucking scratches or band-aids. I was like, do you need me to call you an ambulance? Like, what do you need me to do? And he goes, what's that? And you go, that's how

fucking special people say ambulance. Thank you. That's how special people say ambulance. And I'm like, oh my god, are you alright? And instantly I'm like, holy fuck, I'm literally right upstairs. I was like, Torbs is downstairs, he can help. And he goes, oh, don't worry, they'll refund you. I'm like, bro, I don't care about the refund, but are you okay? He goes, oh.

All of a sudden, like, it sounds a bit funny. He goes, oh, no, no, I'm okay. And I was just like, oh, my God, well, like, please. If he's just trying to tell you, bitch, I've stolen your food and you're not getting it. Well, so I call Torbs and go, they've cancelled the order and the guy's been in a fucking car accident. And Torbs goes, oh, my God.

And then he goes, I've been standing down here for fucking 10 minutes. There's some bloke on the other side of the street chowing into a Whopper. Yeah, yeah. He's looking happy as last, right? And so I was like, no, bro. Like, obviously something's happened. And so I'm on the phone.

He was zero minutes away. I called, I'm on the phone to Torbs and I was like, walk up to the intersection and just see. Is there a bike? Because he said that he got knocked off his bike and the food was everywhere. Can you see a chip? Is there a chip on the ground? Is there?

Is there some blocks of ice from a Diet Coca-Cola? Has a pickle been flung? Thank you. Right? Is my ultimate double whopper ultimate double fucked because it's been run over by a truck on the way down? Yeah. You know?

No sign of an accident. No people gathered. No food on the ground. You've been done. I got fucking hustled. Lost stock in two smoking barrels, baby. You've been hustled. So Torbs goes, I don't think anything's happened, mate.

And I was like, well, why would he lie? And Torbs was like, because it's fucking $60 worth of fucking Hungry Jackson, his fucking backpack. He goes, fuck, that sounds all right. My girlfriend and I would really love to fucking get stoned and eat this at home, watch math so I can talk to my friends at work about it tomorrow. You know?

I could not believe it. Because as soon as he said I've been in an accident, I was like instantly I'm like, let me help you. What can I do? I'm upstairs. Like, I'll come down. I can fucking fill in an accident report form for you. Like, I will do anything you need.

Turns out he's the villain of the piece. Did it not throw you that just one simple follow-up question just threw his whole fucking facade? Well, I was just. What happened? Oh, I didn't. A car came out of nowhere. They always do. And I was like, if I'd just been in an accident, I'd be flapped.

I'd be thinking like, fuck, what's that? Like, it all kind of felt like it added up. And then Tobbs was like, Tony, we've been hustled. And I was like, no, we haven't. He was like, yep. He saw us coming a fucking mile away, sweetheart. Couldn't believe it. When he was going through the drive-through, he knew.

Yep, he knew. 100%. But he let the GPS run all the way until he was at my house. At least if he cancelled the order, like, you know, a couple of streets back, I would have no proof. And I'd be living my beautiful life and thinking, that guy was in an accident, how horrible, but at least I got a refund because he was right there i instantly try to be a good guy

and help him out and i was being taken advantage of did you have to did you reorder yep how long is it because so then for me it's like i don't want your shit story i don't want your refund i just want a fucking burger in my face like you giving me a refund doesn't refund me the time that it's taken now for this to all happen. So that had been, you know, 25 minutes. So it's like 10.30. Oh, God. And then so we go like hit reorder and then that's going to –

because I was like it'll take 15 minutes. Were you scared of getting re-rolled? Well, I was like imagine if that happens again. The same bloke picks it up and goes, it's my lucky day, these dumb bitches. Lightning doesn't strike twice. So you know what I thought? I thought what's the likelihood of that? And luckily the next food did come quite quick, post haste,

you know, came quite quickly. But I just couldn't believe it. My soft, gentle soul believed that this man was in peril and he wasn't. I was hustled. It was like a fucking Ponzi scheme. You are a and he wasn't. I was hustled. It was like a fucking Ponzi scheme. You are a hustler's dream.

I am. Because you trust and you believe. Marketer's dream as well. Consumerist. Oh, my God. I fall for marketing every time. If you're in a strip club and J-Lo is working there. Oh, yeah.

Hustlers. A hundred percent. She'd own your car. Oh, my God. She'd drain your bank account. She'd be walking your dog. She'd be fucking use my passport and go, yeah, this is just, it was just I lost a bit of weight since then or something.

Like, you know, it's basically the same. But I just could not believe it. Because that's bold, isn't it? It's a bold, like, thing. Are you fucked off with just this one guy or is there now a stain on Uber Eats? Have you lost a bit of trust? Well, okay, so I will be honest. As I am reading Atomic Habits at the moment, I have deleted my Uber Eats app since because it's like make the thing hard to do, like the bad habit of like because Uber Eats is a waste of money.

It's a waste of time. The food's always like it comes and you go fuck. Does it come? Does it? Sometimes it comes and you go fuck, why did I do this? Does it come? Sometimes it comes. And you go, fuck, why did I do this to myself again? You know what I mean? So I'm like kind of off it at the moment. But I agree.

I think it's just like another thing where you're like, fuck, this is just never really what you think. You think it's going to be great and it isn't. Now that you're a victim of crime. Yes, I was. Thank you. Do you feel like you need some sort of revenge is there like a vigilante vigilante what's the word i'm looking for i have no idea neither do i but the guy

so then i ended up getting did you confront him did you message him and go you've stolen my food no because did you message uber eats the um notification like the option disappeared because i've actually never seen the option to call the driver before, after it's been cancelled. So while your thing's in process, you can contact them normally. But afterwards, because I've had orders be cancelled before and you can't contact them or anything. It's gone forever.

Yeah. So I don't think it was supposed to come up. But then I got a message from Uber Eats. It was like, oh, my God, like your thing got cancelled because your driver was in an accident. So he's told Uber Eats that he was in an accident as well. Well, you've got to stick to your story. But is there like they have to show proof or something?

Usually it's when I've said, oh, my food's fucked, they're like, take a photo. Yeah, you have, you know. So why should I, the customer, have to do that? But then, you know, but I mean, maybe he was in an accident, but it's not feeling like it adds up. No, it doesn't add up. I want to believe that he hasn't fucked me over.

Law and order. Food delivery drivers. Done, done. I want to believe, I really want to believe that it wasn't fucked, but. Well, let me pick you up. All right, thank you. Let me pick you up. I've got to get off the set.

Yep. A tarp we met recently has a similar due date to my wife Bridget. So exciting, yes. And they could be tarp twins if they're born similar due date to my wife Bridget. So exciting, yes. And they could be tarp twins if they're born on the same day. Very exciting. So they're only a few days apart, but, you know, first baby, both, you know, who knows when they're actually going to arrive. Yeah.

I won't out her or the place. Remember when I told you that story that I had to, before we, you know, did the process, I had to get my semen checked? Yes. And because of COVID, we weren't allowed to do it in the hospital, so I had to take it in a jar in an Uber. Yeah.

So this lady goes, you think that was bad? Yeah. Let me tell you what happened with us because they've done IVF. Yep. Because of hospital COVID protocols, I was artificially inseminated in the backseat of my wagon in the hospital car park.

So romantic, isn't it? And hey, they've been trying. You got to do it. You got to do it. They've been trying for many, many years, more years than Bridget and I. So and when you get to that stage, go mate tell me what your protocols are great how do we get this done what's my options you're telling me what i can't do what can i do and i believe they tried ivf a lot and so i think like you know eight years plus wow and uh many many

cycles so good luck congratulations and if you're willing to do that, imagine how willing you'd be to make sure you're the best mum ever. That baby is going to be so loved. I've got actual goosebumps. That baby is going to be so loved because they worked so hard to get it. You know, it's like. Yep, and I wonder if they've still got the wagon. Yeah, I was going to say.

Yeah, I wonder if that was like, you know, when you, you know, take the photo of the stick and you're like so happy. Yeah. You're like, blah, blah, blah. The selfie in the back of the car. Like memories, happy memories. You know there's always that meme going around of like if you were named after the place you were conceived,

what would your name be? Yeah. Do you know what your name would be? No, I don't. Because they, yeah, I mean. Carson. Subaru. Carson.

Gold Coast Airport. Airport? Hospital? Carson. Get it? Because it's a car. It's a car and it's the sun. The sun.

My love just said, I've actually just sent you a text message with an Instagram link. You've probably seen this. It's been doing the rounds, but every time I see it, it just makes me smile. New York City trains have banned dogs unless they can fit in a bag. I love this. It's made me so happy. I've seen it so many times, but I fucking piss every time. So I think that what they meant was that it would be, you know,

a little chihuahua or, you know, a little fucking Pomeranian or something, you know, like a tiny little light dog. But what people have done is like one of the photos is like a little like, you know those bloodhounds, like with their really long floppy ears, they're really low to the ground. They've cut holes in the corner of IKEA

bags, and the dog is walking along but it's technically in a bag. Well, I think the love to see it is IKEA bags, really, because they're doing gods work here. What can't they do? Because every second picture here is just someone getting an Ikea bag, cutting the legs out and going, ha, your move, New York City subway. And there's like a full-on husky in a backpack. He doesn't look impressed.

And there's like a massive golden doodle in a backpack. People have just gotten so creative creative and I love to see that because I fucking, I just think that that is so sweet. And wouldn't you be so happy if you got on the train and there was a dog just like with his little leggies poking out the bottom of an Ikea bag? Isn't that just so heartwarming? It's adorable.

I love this so much. I also love that at some stage some sort of inspector is going to come over and go, excuse me, mate, no dogs. And they go, oh, actually, if it's in a bag, it's fine. And they go, yeah, okay, whatever. How do I find this? Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Fuck, it's good. And, yeah, it's been doing the rounds, I'm sure you've seen it. But if you haven't, we'll pop the link to Instagram in our show notes today. Do you remember, I think they still do it once a year, where 7-Eleven's like... Any cup. Any cup. You just bring it, as long as it's got a handle or some random rule.

Yeah. And then people roll in with, like, a watering can. Or those shell pools. Yeah. Yeah. You said just bring in a cup. Yeah. Right here.

How do they price that? Oh, was that slushy? One shell pool. Thank you. Well, I think it's just like, it's a fixed price for a cup. Right. If it's a dollar a cup, and whatever your cup is, fucking go to town. Fuck, that's good. And everyone, yeah, rolls in in a boat and goes, yeah, just pour it in the side

there, sweetheart. Yeah, or like you roll up in your car and you just open your fuel cap and you go, chuck it straight in. We'll do that in my car, we don't do that to your Audi. Not in mine, yeah, thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah, or like you roll up in your car and you just open your fuel cap and you go chuck it straight in. We'll do that in my car. We don't do that to your Audi. Not in mine. Yeah, thank you. Appreciate that. But every time, it's one of those stories I feel like it pops up

every few months and every time I'm like. It's so fun. Creativity. I just love it. Beautiful. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening and we'll chat to you tomorrow for our normal or nah.

There's a couple of fucking weird ones tomorrow too. Good. The weirder, the better. Actually, I'll tell you this. One person has said, obviously this is a nah, right? And 99.999% of people do this every day. And so it's a bit of like, who's going to tell him? Oh.

Because he's like, everyone's a bit weird, aren't they? And I'm like, no. Yeah. No, they're not. You might be on the other side of this actually. You are. Oh, that's good. And it's like, do you a bit weird, aren't they? And I'm like, no. Yeah. No, they're not. You might be on the other side of this, actually. You are. Oh, that's good. And it's like, do you want to tell him or do I need to tell him? Let's tell him tomorrow.

Stay tuned. Chat to you then. Love you, bye.