Toni and Ryan - The Yung Gravy of One Woman Shows

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

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That's C-O-Z-E-Y.ca, the home of possibilities made easy. Bonjour Canada! This episode is brought to you by Oxio, the Canadian internet provider that finally feels like home. And Ryan, you know that feeling when you get home, you take your shoes and socks off, take your bra off, and like, for you it's your house clothes, but for me it's my nightie. Yeah, I mean, mean your nighties house clothes. But I put my nightie on and

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Oxio is actually reliable too, with stable speeds up to 1 gigabits per second and some of the best fiber powered networks. Lag free streamathon and chill anyone? Thank you. Their support team is actually helpful and they're 100% online, so you'll never be put on hold. You can message them from your couch, from your butt groove,

or the bathtub anywhere. No judgment, they'll fix it for you. From the bath, that's all right. That's a bit of me. Try Oxxio for 60 days and if it doesn't feel like home, they'll give you all your money back. All of it, literally every cent. Yep, head to oxio.ca, so O-X-I-O.CA and use the code TARP, T-A-R-P, and get one month free. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony, this is my best friend Ryan.

Howdy. And we never start an episode without calling a tarpa. Yep, a tarpa is a Tony and Ryan podcast. My name's Tony. This is my best friend, Ryan. Howdy. And we never start an episode without calling a TARPAR. Yep. A TARPAR is a Tony and Ryan podcast. And we've got Ash, who's just outside of Nashville and Tennessee. Ash, how you doing? Howdy, partner. Hi. I'm great. Now, I think we've got to do a bit of a cross-cultural, like we're going to learn some shit about our countries here. OK. Now, one of your favorite stores about our countries here. Okay.

Now, one of your favorite stores here is Spotlight. Yes. How do you describe Spotlight? Like a craft store, hobby store, like they sell material. But they also sell a bit of everything. Yeah, curtains and shit. Now, Ash, where do you work? Home goods.

Home goods. Would you say home goods is the American version of Spotlight? It's every white girl's dream. Oh, Ashley, what is your hobby of choice? Oh God, why you put me on spot like that? Sleeping. Because I'm lazy. Yeah, okay.

And I know Home Goods will have all your linen needs to make it work. All your sleeping goods, yeah, exactly. Well, Ash, on behalf of Tony and other white women, thank you for your service. Thank you for your service. And will you approve today's episode? I absolutely will. Legend. Amazing. Legend.

Hey, it's Ashley from Nashville, Tennessee, and I approve today's podcast. Welcome to Thursday. Hello. And yesterday. Sorry that hello was a bit fucking lackluster. Yeah, you alright mate? Hello! Thank you. Hey! I actually love normal or nah. Same. So I'm feeling very yay, actually. Same. Well, let's jump straight in because Ryan, who is not me. Ryan from your state. We're not talking about Ryan. Also not me.

We're not talking about Ryan. We've kissed and made up. Ryan has a Normal Or Nah. Have we? Normal Or Nah. Your favorite podcast is fighting over... Over what is and is not about them. Over your love to say it. Over what is and is not about them.

Ryan says, he said my wife and I'm gonna have to. My wife hides toilet paper around the house. So when we run out, she's always got an emergency stash. She refuses to tell me where they are. She says it's me and my asshole's insurance. I love that. I don't do it, but I think that's normal. That should be normal. Do you have an emergency?

You don't, you just, yeah, no. I don't have an emergency stash, but I keep it well stocked. So like we have three toilets. Yes, it is nice. Wow. So he rubbed me through the toilets. So, I mean. So like.bed me through the toilets. So, I mean, so like... We have an en suite.

And isn't it annoying that it's called an en suite and there's no way of saying it without sounding like an absolute flog? En suite? Oh, let me just go check in my en suite. It's a French bathroom from the small town of en suite. A French bathroom for my wee-wees. Yeah, if it's not from... Yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's the whole town of en suède. The French bathroom for my wee-wees. Yeah, if it's not from... Yeah.

Yeah, it's good. But you can't do French language jokes because I don't know the language. But wee-wees, yes. And wee-wees. But if you don't know the language, you know what I mean? But you know that wee is yes. Bonjour. That's made me mad.

Sorry. So we've got our toilet now on-suite and then we have like a main bathroom as well. In addition, there's like a separate door to the on-suite and it's like a main and an on-suite. No, we don't do the double door thing. Because you're not a psycho. Yeah. I hate two-door bathrooms. I know. So, and that one is like the, like one where I think that if you had kids that would be

their bathroom or like if other people lived in the house it would be like your bathroom. But you use it for your bathing. Well there is a bath in there so that's where I would have a bath. And then the third toilet is just a powder room so it's not like three full bathrooms. It's just like that. Is it called a powder room because is that where people do coke? Well I think it's like to powder your nose.

Yeah. But like that's not supposed to be cocaine, I think. So when someone says I'm powdering my nose. I've never got cocaine in there. When... If that's the like... But when someone says... I've got three bathrooms to choose from.

Yeah. Nose! But when someone says I'm powdering my nose, is that also what they're saying? Well, that's what I always hear. But obviously, you know, we grew up different. Yeah. On the other side of town. Yeah, the bad side of Reza.

Yeah, right. Okay. So all of them have like a little cupboard in there where like I keep toilet paper. Yeah. Do you have to do the walk from one to the other? No. Yeah. No, I actually always check before I start going because I panic otherwise.

Smart. Smart. Oh, you've had to do the walk from one to the other. Well, I've used a barber's towel, which could have been safe. Limitless for you. Yeah. Yeah. Have you used any towels in your own home or just at strangers houses? Just strangers houses.

Yeah. Okay. Have you ever used a towel at my house? Not for that purpose. Just to mop me up. Sorry. Sorry. Do I need a... yeah. I've got a normal one, ah.

Good. Wearing a purple knitted top with nothing underneath. It's a jumper! It's a jumper! Isn't it itchy? No. No it's not. It's really nice. Touch it.

That is nice. Yeah, thanks. I got it from Gorman on sale like two years ago. And it still looks brand new. It does. Yeah. It's a jumper. But how are you not wearing anything underneath? Um, well if you're wearing a t-shirt, you wouldn't wear anything underneath. But the t-shirt would be the thing. But what's the difference?

You know? Because when you get hot, you can't take your jumper off. underneath. But the t-shirt would be the thing. But what's the difference? You know, splitting hairs. Because when you get hot, you can't take your jumper off. But I won't get hot because I'm not wearing a t-shirt underneath. You know what I mean? Science. Science. No, I don't know.

But I don't know. Should I? Purple looks good on you. That's really sweet of you. Thank you. Can I just say why I actually don't have a t-shirt on underneath? Please. Because I hate when you can see it here.

I love that. I feel weird when you can't see it. Oh, no. Lily is exactly the same. She's not wearing- and it's literally- like, because I'm like- She's a semi. Oh, I- Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Because this is purple, I didn't want like a white t-shirt underneath. Whereas I think white on white is fine or black. Or if you were wearing like a stripy top underneath, so it like clashed a little bit and looked cool. I like to see a bit of shirt at the top. And I also like to see a bit of shirt at the bottom. Controversial. No, I like the shirt at the bottom.

I do like the shirt at the bottom. I'm a fan of a cropped sweater. So I like the shirt at the bottom as well. Oh, I got new pants like for the, for the webbies. Oh yeah. And the late, the bottom as well. Oh, I got new pants, like for the, for the webbies. Oh yeah. And the late, like the tailor lady, it's so fucking embarrassing. Like I've never had like pants tailored,

like to like proper like taken up, you know, when they're doing the like. Taking them, taking up like the pants or. Yeah, but they're like, usually I kind of just go to a place and I go, oh, can you take a bit off of the bottom? And they go, yeah. Yeah. But this was like the usually I kind of just go to a place and I go, Oh, can you take a bit off the bottom? And they go, yeah. Yeah.

But this was like the full like stand up on the thing and like, and they fucking get a lot right up in there because they got to measure the scene and stuff. And when you don't know what's, what's coming. Yeah, sure. It's like, it's a lot. And then, so usually when I've just got jeans, like, like a little bit of tum will kind of just like sit over the top. Cause that's where I'm at the moment.

That's fine. But then she had to, cause the, the suit pants are like a high waisted tumble kind of just like sit over the top because that's where I'm at the moment. That's fine. But then she had to because the, the suit pants are like a high waisted, like they fit better. Yeah. Someone else had to like lift them. Oh, like lift the pants up. But like it was just a very like, Oh, we'll just put them over the top of that. And I was just like, Oh, it was like, you feel like you're a mad dog getting a suit, but it's like humbling as well. So what I'm really having trouble

picturing the outfit, how high the pants. Do you want me to show you? No, sorry. Yeah, I just can't really picture it now. And just I'm being vulnerable right now. No, oh my God. And I'm not being a dick at all. I'm just like, what's the outfit?

So when I'm wearing a regular pant. No, I'm not asking about this. But see how my tongue will just sit on top of the pants. Yeah. But then she goes, oh just sit on top of the pants? Yeah. But then she goes, oh no, this one will kind of go. Yeah. And so the beard goes. That's how my pants go.

Yeah, but my, I always go like that. Sure. And she had to go and like. Yeah. She had to fold my tummy into my pants. Yeah. How's that? So what's the outfit is what I'm asking.

It's like a suit. Like a full proper suit. Yeah. I tell you what's really funny though. They go on for other occasions. I thought there's no other occasions. I'm going to. Because when they sell you like a fancy jacket, they go, oh yeah.

And if you wear it with jeans, I was like, well, I'm not going to wear a jacket. They go, when you've got other functions, they're like, I don't like that. Oh my God. I haven't gotten anything tailored. Should I be? I feel like you're going to be like, so like look fucking schmick ass. You've got two new outfits and I believe you've requested an outfit change on the night. Well, I did say that that was an opportunity.

That was an option. Sorry. And spoiler alert, I've seen Tony's shoes that she's going to wear to the Webbys and we're hoping for the best. They're sick, but the problem is wearing them. Yeah. And that's the same with everything. Who knows how anything's going to be worn.

Where do you, how do we get to this place? Cause the girl had to tuck my gut into my pants. No, how do we get to that even? Shirts, jumper, chat. Oh, I'm not wearing anything on my jumper. Oh, that's nasty. Get the rage back. Yeah, sorry. KJ's in Vancouver. Hi, KJ. My boyfriend was having a hot steamy bath and I thought, oh, this looks good. Hey, can you leave the water in? I'll jump in after you. My boyfriend was having a hot steamy bath and I thought, oh, this looks good.

Hey, can you leave the water in? I'll jump in after you. Is the exact same sound that the boyfriend made. Moaned out loud. Sharing bath water, normal or not. Absolutely not. And I'll tell you what, even though that is so fucking repulsively saying to each other, can I tell you a really fucked up story? I feel like you've already told it and I already don't like it. I thought I've changed teams immediately. We once were on holiday and we were in a room in a house and the people that

owned the home were home and we just were renting a room off them. Oh, I can have it, but you can get a room in a house and the people that owned the home were home and we just were renting a room off them. Oh, I can never be in bed, you can get a room. Yeah, yeah. You just get a room. They were there. Yeah. And one night, we'd been out.

Thanks for listening today guys. So everyone have a great day. We'd been out on the turps. Everyone have a great day. We'd been out on the turps. We were staying there for five nights and this was like the second night. We'd been out on the turps, we get back and I go, I this was like the second night. We'd been out on the Terps, we'd get back and I go, I might just have a quick shower before we go to bed.

That's like my thing. Whenever I get home, I have to have a shower before I get into bed. And I go down there and the bath is full of water and like red. So I was like, oh my God, it's fucking blood. It wasn't. It was obvious. There was like some petals in this. It was obviously like an essence. It was like a sexy bath.

And I went, and I went back upstairs and I said to Torbz, I was like, oh my God, like the bath is full. And he was like, just drain it. And I was like, no, because it had like essences and smells and petals and stuff. And so I was like, oh, you know, anyway, we stayed there for another four nights or three nights or something. Yeah. And they did not empty that bath the whole time, the

whole time. And they were all using the bathroom and stuff still. Was it the shower was like a step in step into the bath. So you couldn't have a shower without standing in this water. Did you shower in there? No, we just didn't shower for like three or four days. Correct decision, sounds fuck, correct decision. Because what the fuck, obviously not. And then like the next place we went, as soon as we got to the next place, we like showered and washed all of our clothes

and everything. Now I know you don't like to make a fast or cause a scene. Totally. But was there ever a moment where you were like, should we ask them? Should we just ask them or should we just pull the plug? Like? Should we just ask them? Or should we just pull the plug? Like after a day. See, I thought, should we just pull the plug?

But then as time went on, it felt like that was less and less of an option because- It's been too long. Because it's been too long now. And they're gonna be like- You can't ask someone you've known for three years what their name is. Exactly.

But time has passed. But also I didn't want them to then think that after two days, I was like, could you pull that out so I can have a shower? And they're going to be like, you haven't showered in two days. No, because your fucking stinky pedal water has been clogging up the fucking bath. It was a whole, it was so awkward. And towards the end, I'm like, we'll just at the next place, we'll just have a.

You consider having a bath in their water? Take that back. I take that back. I do take that back. Redacted, redacted. Yeah, that's. I take that back. I do take that back. Redacted, redacted, redacted. Yeah, that's an absolute nah from me. Yeah, sorry. Yeah.

I'll do that. That's very normal. And as KJ from Vancouver, KJ said, I don't know if we just grew up poor, but it was like, oh, filling the bath up twice must be nice, she said. Oh. And I also shared a bath with my cousin Bonnie. She shot in it. And she put in it. I think as

a kid, though, the difference between sharing a bath is that you're normally all in there together. Yeah. Like and your mom or auntie or whatever is all the kids go in scrub together and then hop out. Going into the bath after some, like, I know what I do in the bath. So that's all I'll say. Is it, is it the same as the float tank? I have done all the things I would do in a bath in a float tank. Yes.

And vice versa. Yes. Okay. Cause like when you're in the water, you can't not wee. Like you can't not wee. You pee before you get in. water, you can't not wee. Like you can't not wee. You pee before you get in. No, you can't not wee. I was in the bath with Mabel and GP. Yeah, you have to.

You're surrounded by water. It's like, oh, you know, everything's in play. Okay. See ya. Vicky is from Little Elm in Texas. Hi Vicky. Sorry, howdy Vicky. Sorry. Howdy Vicky. Texas.

Where's, hang on, we've got to find out where little Elm is. Cause you know how there's like Texas and then there's like Texas. Oh, no, I actually didn't know. No, but like out back Texas. And I remember in the middle of Dallas, I'm like, this is a beautiful city. Oh yeah. So little. But also Dallas, Fort Worth.

Well Fort Worth is a different country. Is crazy and it's like 10 minutes away. Little Elms on the lake, north of Dallas. Oh, it's almost up near Arkansas, it's beautiful. Lovely. Not Arkansas, Oklahoma. Anyway, what are we doing? Are we on the show?

Vicky. Vicky's from Little Elm Tech, beautiful spot. G'day Vicky. Howdy Vicky. Howdy partner. My friend drives with no music, no podcasts, no audio books, no radio. She just raw dogs it.

Is this normal or nah? Absolutely nah. Vicky says, I'm like Tony. I pick the perfect playlist for any occasion, even if that occasion is driving for three minutes to pick up pizza. Yes. One song, even half a song, it has to be perfect.

Has to be. And I just, whenever I think of, and this is from the plane trend where people like raw dog and flight. Raw dog and flight, yeah. I'm picturing the person, not just like looking out the window, but just like. Me too.

Staring blankly at the car in front. The dead stare, yeah. Nah, and do you know what? I bet you those people would never ever get like a fun drink. Oh, I thought you said they'd never ever like not kill someone. Well, I mean. Like if we found out that Vicky's friend who raw dogs it like, you know. Hit someone with the car. And then. You go, well yeah. Or hit him with the shovel.

Yeah. Or something, you know. You'd go, oh, is that the one that raw dogs driving? Yeah. And we'd go, Oh, that's a shame. But like, we saw that coming. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Your example is a little less dramatic than mine. A fun drink. Although out of all the people I've known who've hit people with shovels, none of them order fun drinks. They wouldn't. Like you can just never imagine being like, oh, like fucking Hannibal Lecter,

do you want a frappe? Yeah. No. Oh, I just hit someone with a shovel. Who wants a Flirtini? Yeah. Like, yeah. You're right.

Flirtini. Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal Lecter 2. Martinis in Manhattan. I couldn't help it. You think he's psychology's sour? Should I continue killing these people? Yeah.

You think he's brain sour? Wait till you taste his whiskey drink. And I'm like just having the cigarette and the Manhattan at the same time. Like it's Carrie Bradshaw. Yeah. He's wearing Manolo blanches. Wait, wasn't she always riding her vlogs? And just like that. Manhattan at the same time. Like it's Carrie Bradshaw. He's wearing Manolo Blanks. Wasn't she always writing her vlogs?

And just like that. And just like that. I killed another one. I just did the, and I could never wonder. Where are we getting it? Hey, it's Ashley from Nashville, Tennessee, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan's podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Aura Frames. And Ryan, do you happen to know maybe someone, someone,

not adding anybody, but that maybe takes a million photos of maybe, you know, the cutest little girl in the world. And their camera roll is just overflowing with pictures you don't know what to do with. There is smoke coming out of my phone because of their 10 million photos I have of Mabel struggling to fit in my phone.

I meant the prettiest little girl ever. I obviously meant my phone. And my coworker, Tony Lodge. Because filled with the prettiest little girl in the world, my little Frenchie Pippa. I thought you meant you. All my selfies. I actually thought you meant you. All my selfies. Look, if you're someone that takes lots of photos

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And they kind of just like flick through. How good is that? So good, and they're not just any frame. Aura frames was named the number one digital picture frame by Wirecutter and honestly I get it. I get it. It would be a great gift for a loved one and they've got heaps of different styles, they're easy to set up and you can upload as many photos and videos as you want. We're talking unlimited storage. What was the last thing that you found that was unlimited? Nothing.

Nothing. Apart from my ability to take pictures of Pippa and Mabel together. You just use the free Aura app, connect to Wi-Fi and boom, photos from your last holiday, your dog, Mabel, all the things we're talking about can all live in the one frame. Now Aura's got a great deal for tarpers. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $45 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Use promo code TONYANDRYAN, T-O-N-I-A-N-D-R-Y-A-N,

terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by Maduree, and Maduree has the nicest fine jewellery. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day, and you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos. So there's really something for everyone. And can I tell you a cute little personal note?

You know these gold earrings that I wear? They're majuri. And they were like the first bit of jewelry I ever bought myself. Would you say that was the gateway? That was your first like, oh, I think I'm a jewelry person now. Yes, I'm a ma-jury person now. Yeah. Put that on the front cover of, it's not a book, of this audio ad. The products are beautifully designed and have a minimal but fun vibe, just

like Tony, minimal and fun. Oh my gosh, you're speaking my language. And it's also affordable. Majuri pieces are designed in-house and handcrafted by world renowned jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Plus in 2020, the brand launched the Maduri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. So they're doing good while helping us look good.

Epic. Pretty good. Love it. Play, mix and stack in store in app or on madury.com. A massive shout out to our future. Future. Future champion tapas. I hope that they continue to stay around. Kevin Martin. Good on you, Kevin.

Carson Voss. Oh, get me some water. Justin Hernandez. Love ya. Miss Giggles and Tim Tam. That sounds like someone's sharing a Patreon membership. Yeah. Miss Giggles, buy your own and Miss Tim Tams, get your own.

Yep. Ashley Picar. Good on your ash. and Bish Radion. Radioff, Radion's also amazing. Radioff, Bish. You feel good? I feel good. Has your energy dropped?

Are you okay? No, I'm good. I'm good. I could have a jelly bean, but they're running a bit low behind me. And also it's like every time we have a jelly bean, we can't do anything for like a few minutes because they're like, it's like a horsey.

Just like often you got to kind of, yeah. Remember when we got sent all those jelly lollies and they were quite. Oh, what was that? And I had to. No. Coated? We're not going to say. No, but like that would be good, but they were like, there'll be no conversation.

If I have a red frog in chocolate, there needs to be five minutes of silence. Well, Ryan had one, Ryan had one and then he got in the massage chair and his hands were stuck in the thing and I had to pick the lollies out of his teeth. I mean, I've had low moments in my life and that was not one of them. What would be low about me having my hand in your mouth? People would love that. They would. Plus the massage chair. Plus the massage chair. Plus the massage chair.

I mean, you know, la-dee-dah. That was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. Can you imagine people go, oh, how was your day at work today? And they said that. You'd go, fuck that sounds alright. It was really hard at work. I was stuck in the massage chair and I had Tony fingering my mouth. Oh, so some hot slut had to pick the lollies out of my mouth and then I ate the rest of

her fingers. Wow. You know, that actually sounds awesome. Wow. I had a tough day at work because I was hard all day after hearing that. If you actually did have an erection for a long time, that would be sore, eh? I don't know. It's very rarely there for more than three minutes. But like if. Yeah. That would be sore. I don't know. It's very rarely there for

more than three minutes. But like if you did, it would be sore? Couldn't tell you. I'm not saying you're wrong. I just don't, I don't know. I haven't read those books. The doctor books. Yeah, the doctor books. I'm sure there's a book on it. Charles, don't Google that. Okay. This is all taking a very weird turn, but I've got something else. Please. So last week we were off and I talked about how I bought all this stuff to go camping over the break in Batemans Bay. And I fucked all those old men and you know, whole thing. But anyway, so before we left, I said, I don't think that what we're doing is camping.

Yep. Because I think that like to call it camping, you have to be like in the wilderness. Like off the grid almost. Yeah. But like we're in a caravan park. So I'm like, is this camping? Now I was firm on my stance that if you're in a tent, you're camping. Yeah.

Tapa said tent plus campfire. Yes. Now I believe since you've got back this week, you've been crunching the numbers, getting the receipts ready, preparing an analysis. Yep. So I do have a result of like, was it camping? Was it not camping? Yeah. First of all, overall, like good time. We had such a great time. We really, really enjoyed it. The caravan park was like right on the beach. Oh. So we could like walk from our tent. Yep. We really, really enjoyed it. The caravan park was like right on the beach,

so we could like walk from our tent. We slept in our tent. Like into the ocean and back within 10 minutes. Like it was just like, it was so good. And we actually, we couldn't do a campfire in the caravan park, but we, I bought us like a little camper kitchen thing. And so I like cooked us eggs in the morning and like, it was, it was really fun. And it was super wholesome. I think I saw in a photo the little like coffee pot that you put on the little gas burner. Yeah, like mocha pot. I think it's called. Yeah.

It's a little mocha pot and eggs in the morning after a fresh swim. Yeah. It was really good. Beautiful. It was just like, I love that area. I also was just really proud of all the stuff I organized. Cause like we didn't take a single thing we didn't use. That's good, because-

Which is like crazy. That's actually, I'm not adding you. No, I'm an overpacker, I'm a stressor. You're an overpacker. Like you do like, oh, I might need one of those, I'll buy that, oh, I might need one. Well, because I'd rather have it and not need it than be like, oh my God, I wish we'd had that.

And I just feel so guilty if we run into any grief, you know Not being a dick but. How all the greats have been stuck. No no no but um because I know you were tight for car space and stuff because of all the stuff did you take the stand-up paddleboard or any kind of that kind of thing? No we didn't because we just didn't have the way. Yeah yeah. Um but it actually. Because I saw on your stories though you posted you're at the fucking store. We're at the BCF. And I'm like, don't you dare buy another. In Batemans Bay. And I was like, maybe I could buy one here and leave it. On my site for next time. Yeah, so that next year when we come back,

it's ready to go. You say that joking, but I saw that picture and I was like, if she fucking, Nah. If she did. Can I say where we were was perfect for stand up paddle boarding. Yeah.

Cause it was like in the bay. So it's like quite calm and stuff. Conditions are perfect. Anyway, so I have come back with our result and why I believe that what we did was definitely camping, because everything is damp all the time. Oh, yeah. Yep. Like you wake up in the morning and the tent is like, like dewy from overnight. And like you touch one thing and then all the water comes in and like,

so there was, after the first night, there was a, had to be a bit of an adjustment of some structures. Yep. Like remove the like guy ropes. Cause you can't have stuff like touching the side either. Yeah, no. That's a thing that just fucking, yeah.

And because when you're in a tent like that, not like a big canvas fucking camper van, you have to be so much more aware of that shit, which we just didn't even really anyway. Yeah. And you can't like stand all the way up. So you're like crouching over- Oh, both of you or just Torbz? No, both of us. Because is it fair to say Torbz is what's five foot four plus six foot four, a foot taller than you?

Yeah, he's much taller than I am. But like in the little entry part, like both of us like bending half to try and get in. Is that a humbling? When you can't stand up fully and you kind of just hunched over trying to walk around. Yeah, and you're trying to like do stuff, but like this. Yeah. It's like when you stand up before you're ready to get off the plane. Plane, yeah. And you're like stood in the window, like you're jammed into the window seat down the back. Trying to act like you don't care. No, this is fine. I'm just waiting. It's fine.

I'm just stretching my legs. I've been sitting the whole time. Yeah. You're fucked off. So you're fucked up and you know, and it adds up. Yeah. I think that compound. And there's actually nothing more humbling than being like, have you seen my toilet bag?

And they go, no, I haven't seen it. And I go, well, do you know where this happened? And they go, no, I haven't said, and I go, well, do you know where this happened? And they go, nah, I think that's over there where you left it. I go, nah, but the batteries for the torture there. That's not where my toilet bag is. They go, no, the batteries for the torture in the car left of it, you know, and as you can see, the flip flop is very, it's too much. We're going to have to put that video up because seeing Tony go from one character to another. Have you ever considered doing like a one woman show on stage?

Yeah, I have. Should we do that? But the acting is from the shoulders up only. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Multiple characters, dance moves, but you're just... And it's called bust up. Bust up. Funny. And the two people fight? Yeah, because there's a bust up. Yeah. All right. It's a double entendre.

We'll work that on. It's a double entendre. Yes. You are pretty much, and I actually read this the other stop. Yeah. All right. It's a double entendre. We'll work that on. It's a double entendre. Yes. You are pretty much, and I actually read this the other day. Arrested Development. You are the... Who's my fucking legend? Who's a fucking legend? Michael Jordan.

No, other legend. Steve Jobs. Kathy Bates. No, no, more legendary than that. Isaac Newton. More legendary and more smart. The book guy? Scott Galloway. No, more smart. Kara Sw Swisher more smart. No one smarter than cars. That's true equally smart with Kara Fisher Swisher Swisher

Young gravy young gravy He he's a king You are the young gravy of one woman shows I Do not accept. I actually rebut that. And I thank you. Number two, why it was definitely camping. You cannot enjoy a comfy private shit.

No, I just want to sit and do a poo and scroll my phone. And like, you know, I don't want to take a key and then hear all the other people doing their poos and wheeze. And and, you know, I don't want to take a key and then hear all the other people doing their poos and wheeze. And, and you know, it's a public toilet. I'm not offended by hearing the poos and wheeze, but I want to sit there and just enjoy it. Yeah. Hey mate, preach into the choir.

And I just thought, maybe I'm not built for this life, you know, but for But for the few days, it was fine, but you just go, and I can't wait to have a poo by myself. As someone who loves nothing more than a solo poo. Yeah. And what did I say? I love Bateman's Bay. Yes. I love being by the beach.

I love 98% of the things you described. And then when we're done, I'm going back to the motel to shit my own toilet. Yeah. And you know who comes and interrupts me and asks who conversations I can overhear? Yeah. No one. No one.

Yeah. But what I did see is that some caravan parks now have sites where you have an ensuite. Like you have- Sorry. You have your own little toilet and shower that's just for your site. So maybe I'll do that next time. Hang. So do you want me to tell you the last reason why it was definitely camping or

okay, we're on the toilet. I don't need a moment with this. We're on the toilet. So my definition of an ensuite is a bathroom off the master bedroom. Yep. Master tent. So, yeah, but actually though, so you're in your tent and you go walk through what I assume is the walk-in robe. Well, no, but so...

And throw into the en suite. I'm just going to the toilet. Okay, okay. What I do is when I go camping, I get one with its own en suite and my en suite has a room on it. Yeah, and it's a hotel and it's see you later. And it's on fourth floor of the Hilton. Yeah. Oh, it must be nice. Oh, sorry, Marriott, who are we?

We're Marriott guys. Marriott guys. But, so it's like just- Courtyard, I mean, let's not get crazy. Marriott Courtyard. What was that darsy one we stayed in New York? The Fairfield Suites. That was-

They use the word suite pretty liberally in Manhattan. Yeah, they do. The guy tweaking downstairs was sweet. They did have good breakfast though. They did. It was one of the only places where they had breakfast where they promised it every other time and it wasn't there. So, you know, a bit of that.

Anyway, basically though, the ensuite thing is that it's like just your, and you have the key to it so no one else can get in and no one else is using it. Did that feel a bit like lux? Like did you see that and go, oh, I actually get that? They didn't have it at where we were. But the concept, did you see that and go, oh yeah, I actually could probably. Well, I thought that would be really good. And also because like if you need to wee in the middle of the night, you've got to like

walk through the park. Well, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to. Oh, oh, in theory. I mean, yes. What's the thing that I say where I admit that I haven't? You wouldn't wee in a caravan park on like the grass because people like stay there. That is right. Maybe I'm thinking of like where Wilson's prom when each little site like you're surrounded by shrubs and bush and you just. I think, yeah.

But like this is just like beautiful grassed area. Oh yeah. For like where, so you would. Oh then you would, you would. Like no way. You would. In a bush I think is a bit different. You would, you would, you would.

Anyway. Third, third and final. The third and final reason that's really tipped me over the edge. Oh. Into it being camping. Okay. Not that I don't, this is not me saying I don't like it.

This is just why it was definitely camping. I did not have access to ice cold filtered water. Who said earlier today, were you built for this life? Is that something you said or? I didn't say I didn't like it. I'm just saying this is one of the reasons why it was definitely camping. I was saying that because we were in a caravan park,

I don't think it's technically, like it's not technically roughing it. definitely camping. I was saying that because we're in a caravan park I don't think it's technically like it's not technically roughing it. It is! Because no cold water, no ice. Well how are you cold if you the water's not cold and then you well what's the solution you put ice in it there's not is there not an ice machine down the hallway? I thought that there would be an ice machine in the little campers kitchen. Yeah. You thought wrong, sweetheart. You thought real wrong. Room temperature water for all that time.

How did you survive? It was really hard. Thanks for asking. You know what? You know what? So it was definitely camping. Do you know what everyone knows to be true, but no one says aloud as much as they should? Yeah.

You're a brave woman. Thank you so much. I actually really appreciate that. So I had a great time, but those things are why I'm like, no, this is roughing it. Everything's damp, your head's like this, you can't shit by yourself and you can't have any cold filtered water. Okay. So I'm going to present an idea to you. Yeah.

Imagine we're camping. Yes. On like the 10th floor of a building Yep, the building on every level has an ice machine. Yeah In your room, there's a little room, which is your own private bathroom and In there or maybe just off to the side There's a little tap and a little fridge that has ice and stuff in it and have cold water all the time. That sounds like my house. Yeah. It sounds really good actually. I just invented it. That's good. What's it called? Uh, well, I can't tell you cause you're a ho. Hotel. I'll call it a hotel. I love it. That's a really clever idea. Yup. Isaac Newton who?

When we go to the Webby, should we camp? At the hotel. No, but I had a great time, but it was camping. I'm going to claim that that was definitely camping. We have a two bedroom place and Charles will be camping in the lounge room for the moment. That's what we used to do as kids. So like when we had friends over, we would like put like the tent up, like in the like play room. That's cute. Play room must be nice.

It was in regional New South Wales. Oh, well, shout out to all of our listeners in regional New South. Tony lives in regional Melbourne. Yeah. Regional Preston. I camp every day. Every fucking day. Tony from regional Preston. I'm sorry. I just had a vision actually of Charles curling up

on the end of one of our beds. Like, like, oh, it's my night on your bed. You know, like he walks in, he's like, I've done on your bed. You know, like he walks in, he's like, I've done my teeth already. You know, like. Um, at an Airbnb that I'm trying to organize for our trip. Yeah.

Did you, did you read the texts I sent about that? No, I didn't read the ones that you guys sent last night. Do you know what I'm talking about, Char? So it's like, there's a three bedroom place. Yep. Cause we're going to stay in LA on the way home. And it's just actually this family's place that they're out of town.

So it's not an Airbnb all the time. Oh, cool. And so it's actually like, there's we're looking like, Oh, it doesn't really look like those three bedrooms, but there's like clearly the master and like the two kids rooms. Would you like, I actually reached out to this place and, uh, is it sort of single beds? Yeah. But it's like all their toys set up and stuff. Yeah. And they're like, oh, there's not a lot of closet space because that's where we keep our toys.

But if you need space, let us know. So there's one King bed in the master bedroom and two twin beds in the second room. Yeah. And then there's a back studio with a queen bed as well. Oh, OK. That's nice. That's not too bad.

That's not too bad. Oh my god, does Charles get like a little race car bed? Yeah. Sadly not a race car. No, it's like a fairy. It's very. A race car bed, that's cool. Yeah. Sadly, not a race car. No, it's like a fairy. It's very. A race car bed. That's cool. Yeah.

You'd bring girls back to that bed. For sure. Imagine this. You're at a caravan park and you're walking down the street and it's just like caravan, tent, caravan and then there's just the strip of grass with a racing

car bed in the middle. Just in the middle. No covers. Yeah, Tony's just sitting in it, eating crunchy nuts cereal and just like living the Vita local. And I'm like, you don't want this old Tana brand, do you? No. You don't want the last box in my variety pack.

Not a euphemism. Do you reckon there's like an underground trade of variety pack boxes going on at Caravan Park? I reckon there would be. Kids meeting up at night going, hey, that guy likes Frosties. He doesn't like some Tana brand. I reckon if we do a little meet up at night going, hey, that guy likes Frosties. He doesn't like some tiny brand. I reckon if we do a little switching and a little something something.

Yeah. I think that's a great idea. That's a good plan. Yeah. I got a love to see it here from Mina, who's a tarpa. Hi Mina. I started the fucking blog. Awesome.

I've been crocheting and selling my little stuffed animals. I still feel like it's really small baby steps fade, but I'm super proud and I made an account. It is crocheted by Mina on Instagram. I started following her this morning and it's got 50 people following. I was really scared no one would follow and 50 doesn't sound like a big number, but I always imagine. 50 is huge.

I always imagine the 50 people in the room. Me too. And go, what the fuck? That's amazing. So crocheted by Mina. Shout out for starting the fucking blog. They look cute as fuck, by the way. How do you spell Mina?

E, no, M-E-E-N-A. How do you spell Mina? E? Yeah. X? Number five? There's crocheted by Mina there. Oh, cute.

Oh my God, they're so cool. Yeah, she's got like little animals there. Oh cute. Oh my God. They're so cool. Little animals there. She's there. Oh, that's a top there for Halloween. That's pretty sick. But yeah, good on you for starting the fucking block. That's awesome. Congratulations, Mina. I've got a love to see here from Taylor and it is pretty serious to be honest. Taylor says, just wanted to give you guys a heads up. I was listening to your podcast while my kids were in the car. My first mistake. Uh, and she said, and they're currently in the market for some police officer costumes because they heard you guys swearing

and they told me they're going to get some police officer costumes and come and arrest us for swearing. So we really have to be careful. Um says, I'll hold them off for as long as I can. But yes, sorry about that. It made me laugh so much. Taylor says, love you guys so much. Promise to never listen to the pub with the kids around again. She's put us in harm's way. I think she is a culprit. An accessory.

An accessory to swearing. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, we just have to have a wits An accessory. An accessory to swearing. Yeah me too. Yeah. Yeah but you know we just have to have our wits about us. How old are those kids? I don't know old enough to know that swearing is bad but not old enough to know they're idiots because like real cops like obviously not you know what I mean. Like we wouldn't fall for that. Wouldn't we? I would actually. I'm pretty sure there's some cop costumes in the scare room there. Yeah. I'm just a bit, I don't like being threatened by the boys in blue. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. Yeah. So we just gotta be careful. That's actually terrifying. I thought that was so cute. I'm gonna get my police costume and go arrest them. Yeah. And I would like, if they're listening to this episode, which they're probably not.

I think that they've been cut off, yeah. But if they are. From listening. It turns out that to become a cop, you don't have to go to police academy. You just need the costume. Just the costume, yeah. And you start arresting people. It's awesome.

That's good. So yeah. Good intel. Tomorrow's a video show, which means it's on YouTube as well as listening to it now. And we're talking about wedding side quests. Now some tarpas on their wedding day, you know how there's always that weird bit between the ceremony and reception and you're like,

and they're, oh, they're off to get photos. Okay, great, should we go to the pub and try and not drink 15 cans and ruin the day? Like, you know, like what, some of the things people are getting up to, including the bride and groom. Cause they're like- Oh, so not just the guests.

No, because often it's like the church has a wedding every hour all day on Saturday. And sometimes you can only get into the 10 a.m slot. Oh, and you've got to then leave. And you got to leave to someone else to get married next hour. And your thingo is at five and you go. That actually sounds awesome.

Should we go and get loaded at the surf club? Probably not what I would choose to do. What would you choose? Go and have sex with my hot new husband. That's one of them tomorrow. Hot, nice. Yeah, which I think, I imagine turning up to the reception, by the ceremony.

What's the fucking second? I don't know which is which. The reception is the second one. And just being like, like, you know. We've been fucking all day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wedding consummated, is that what you fucking all day. Yeah. Yeah.

Wedding consummated. Is that what you say? Yes. I know shit. Look at you. And I haven't even done the, where are you up to with the course? So, okay, we're not talking about that.

Love you, bye. Bye. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Aura Frames and Ryan, do you happen to know maybe someone, not adding anybody, but that maybe takes a million photos of maybe, you know, the cutest little girl in the world and their camera roll is just overflowing with pictures you don't know what to do with.

There is smoke coming out of my phone because of their 10 million photos I have of Mabel struggling to fit in my phone. I meant the prettiest little girl ever struggling to fit in my phone. I meant the prettiest little girl ever I obviously meant my phone. And my co-worker Tony Lodge. Because filled with the prettiest little girl in the world my little Frenchie Pippa. I thought you meant you. Always selfies. Look if you're someone that takes lots of photos and they're just sitting in your phone doing nothing yeah this is for you.

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I get it. It would be a great gift for a loved one and they've got heaps of different styles, they're easy to set up and you can upload as many photos and videos as you want. We're talking unlimited storage. What was the last thing that you found that was unlimited? Nothing. Nothing. Apart from my ability to take pictures of Pippa and Mabel together. You just use the free Aura app, connect to wi-fi and boom, photos from your last holiday, your dog, Mabel, all the things I'm talking about can all live in the one frame. Now Aura's got a great deal for tarpers. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $45 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's A-U-R-A frames.com.

Use promo code TONYANDRYAN, T-O-N-I-A-N-D-R-Y-A-N, terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by Audible, where you can listen to the new audio book, Sunrise on the Reaping, by bestselling author Suzanne Collins. So this is for all the fantasy and hunger games fans, cause this is about the backstory

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So if you love the ballad of the songbirds and snakes, then get ready for the follow up in the series, Sunrise on the Reaping. Discover the joys of listening by downloading Audible and taking it with you anywhere. Sunrise on the Reaping, available now at audible.ca.