Toni and Ryan - Threesome On A Family Holiday | MOST REPLAYED FEBRUARY

Episode Date: February 28, 2026

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I accidentally had a threesome on a family holiday. Happens to the best of us. I was young, single and a few drinks deep when I met a couple at the hotel bar. Hot? The only thing I remember from the bar is us all laughing and the wife looking me up and down. Someone said let's go up to the room for another drink when the bar was sort of wrapping up. I don't exactly know what happened in the minute after that, but I do remember me going down the wife in the stairwell why her hubby was doing me from behind.

Oh my God. It's just my hottest, gayest fantasy all happening at one time. This is normal honor. So fair. Defrosting a smoothie in the sauna. Tarpa Josh, Josh, ask, is this normal or nah? I forgot to take my breakfast smoothie out of the freezer, like in the morning. And so I took it to the gym with me.

And as I was working out, I left it in the sauna to thaw out so I could drink it at the end of my workout. The sauna is not your personal microwave, you disgusting bitch. No, I hate that. Sorry, save space. No, it's not. That's fucked. Disgusting bitch should be used more often.

Can you imagine going into the group sauna? And someone's fucking green juice is just bubbling away like fucking witch's quadrant. You fucked? Like, can you get the fuck out? I don't care where you're going, but you can't stay here. Like, that's it. Like, I don't want to see your dirty neutral bullet cup sitting on the fucking, what's it putting water on the rocks by itself?

Like, oh my God, get it off my towel and out of my life. Take it in your fucking high under your land try and fuck off. Okay? Probably drives a manual car. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, yuck. Oh, that's how I'm sorry. Oh, my.

You know, and their name's Josh. Of course, it's a J name. You know what I mean? So true. They're all the fucking same. They really are. You know when you get into like a sauna at the local gym and that's like kind of busy and you've got to like fight for a seat?

Oh, yeah. But someone's fucking neutral bullet six piece set. You're sitting there. Oh, z. Does anybody want to use this after me? Oh, it's so relaxing and he is. I couldn't get a. a seat in the soda because there was a ninja slushy.

Oh, my God. Fucking out. That is just so upsetting, eh? And now the safe place resumes. Yeah. Yeah. Love you, Josh. Love you, Josh.

Thanks for listening. Enjoying. Sorry, that's so fucked. That is fine. All I can think about how it would get a little bit warm and liquidy around it, but it would still be frozen in the inside. Like, you know how things defrost that way? Like, in a weird.

From the outside in? And the outside of the Nutra Bullet thing would be like condensation. Yeah. It would be sweaty. A sweaty green juice. And you know how in the sauna they put like essential oils in there? Yeah, a bit of eucalyptus. That's so fucked.

Josh. Like I get it. As in like where your head was at. But no. I invited the wrong Dave to a group email invite for my bachelor party. instead of inviting Dave College I invited Dave from the accounting department at work who I've maybe spoken to twice

we were going paintballing and I didn't realize my mistake until accounting Dave pulled up in his minivan wearing full tactical gear pulls out his own high-end paintball marker and carrying a cooler full of craft beers and premium stakes Oh, well, it sounds to be a great mistake. Though Dave from college probably not that pumped about the fact you didn't get invited. All those photos pop up on Facebook and he goes, oh. He goes, oh, I thought we were really good mates.

I've known him since we were 17. I had to go over and sheepishly tell accounting Dave about the mix-up. Why? I don't know, like they've booked in a paintball place. I don't know. But he's just like, oh, it's the wrong guy. So he kind of wanders over and goes, oh. No.

So he goes. over and says, oh, look, sorry, man, there's been a mix-up. I invited the wrong Dave. And accounting Dave goes, I haven't been on a boys trip in years. Let's fucking get it. Let's fucking do this. He says with a glint in his eye. Oh. He was so good at paintball. It was so awesome. He cooked the stakes to perfection. He's 30 years older than the rest of us. And he was telling us these crazy stories from the 80s. Everyone fucking loved him. I thought you were going to say that he had to tell him about the mix-up and tell him he was like uninvited. I think that's what he was kind of doing.

And the guy was like, I'm here to fucking party, dude. Get the fuck out of my way. Like, yeah, sounds like it. Dave's out. What a great accident. And Dave's now his best man. Wow. Oh.

We've been hanging out at work every day since. You know, spoke to this guy twice and 10 years and now I'm like, fucking Dave, what's going on, bro? Fuck, yeah. As if also, you'd never really talk to someone, as if then the alarm bells wouldn't go off when you got the invite? Would you be like, oh,

that's kind of random? No, he must be just inviting people from work, I guess. But if you'd never really talk to someone, you'd be like,

oh, okay. All the guys insisted that Dave must come to the wedding now. Oh, 1,000%. Dave's in now. Dave's one of the OG crew. Yeah, so they're kind of like, okay,

he's in the wedding. And then he's having dinner with a few of his boys like a few weeks later and they're like, fuck that. You know, everyone's still talking about Dave.

How great's Dave. Yeah. And then one of the groomsman says, it wouldn't be right if Dave was also not a groomsman kind of for the just like everyone they're like you know what he's ridden the wave

he's impressed us all those steaks were delicious great value I think he be good at the wet I think he should be a groomsman and then I think it was a bit of like who's going to budge first so then the guy goes well he is

and it turns out now all the wedding photos Dave from accounts is a groomsman at the wedding. And Dave College was not invited. Now, isn't this a beautiful sentence? I sent the bachelor invite by mistake, but I'll be inviting him to the wedding of a groomsman on purpose. I actually just got goosebumps.

I accidentally had a threesome on a family holiday. Happens to the best to us. My parents, brother, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins. We all flew from Canada to Mexico and stayed in the same hotel. How fun. That's a big holiday. Yeah, we're all heading down there. Must have cost him a fortune.

I was young, single, and a few drinks deep when I met a couple at the hotel bar. Hot? The only thing I remember from the bar is us all laughing and the wife looking me up and down. Like the lady in the elevator was you yesterday. Someone said, let's go up to the room for another drink when the bar was sort of wrapping up. But as we were going up the stairs, we all realized that we were all staying with family. So this couple must have been staying with their family and stuff as well. I don't exactly know what happened in the minute after that,

but I do remember me going down on the wife in the stairwell why her hubby was doing me from behind. We were all scared of getting caught, but no one wanted to stop. It's just my hottest, gayest. fantasy all happening at one time. Girls are so hot, eh? It's so fucked. Okay. I know, sorry.

I'm gonna have a ziggie up to you and that is inside. Say it again. Say it just one more time, a bit slower. Let me do that. Let's put some music behind this one. Like, do it. Like, do it. Someone said, let's go up to the room for another drink.

Yeah. Well, I was close. But in the stairwell, we all realized that we're all staying with family. I don't know what happened in the next 60 seconds, but I do remember going down on the wife in the stairwell while her husband was doing me from behind. That is the hottest thing I've ever pictured in my life.

And obviously, in this situation, I'm in the middle. Obviously. Obviously. My dream scenario. But it's not her, the other woman's husband. It's Torbs. And then like, you're going down on a hot girl? Yeah.

In Mexico. Yes. You've been drinking at the bar with them laughing and having a silly old time. Oh my God. And just like, because you're on holiday, you're probably wearing a little like strappy dress. Like, you know, your hair's a bit wet from swimming in the ocean just before and your pubic has bit wet because you're going down on a beautiful woman in a stairwell. It's very summer I turned pretty vibes, isn't it?

Yeah, when he's fingering her on the stairs. Wow. Hot, hot, hot. We're all scared of getting caught, but no one wanted to stop. I'm so sorry. What are you doing? I'm so sorry. I'm good for my hair up.

I'm so hot. Like, I'm like, cannot even deal right now. I should not be in a workplace. This is a tarpa. A tiny tarpa from Canada. I love Canada. Yeah. And Mexico.

Yeah. Turns out you did really go south of the border. The next morning, I sat at breakfast, my entire family when the same couple walked in and sat directly across us at the hotel buffet. There wasn't a lot of eye contact, a few little smiles, but we're all a bit sheepish. No words were spoken. Yep.

But I know all three of us loved it and weren't going to forget any time soon. None of my family know. This is my threesome confession. Every day when you're walking down the street. Something, something the people that you meet Has an original point of view So be kind to each other And I say, hey, hey, hey

What a wonderful kind of day Hey, if you can learn to work and play And get along with each other You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat, listen to the rhythm The rhythm on the street Open up your eyes, open up your ears Get together and live things better

By working together It's a simple message that comes from the heart I'll believe in yourself Well that's the place to start everybody and I say Hey hey hey What a wonderful kind of day Hey If you can learn to work and play

And get along with each other Hey what a wonderful kind of day Hey what a wonderful kind of day Hey hey DW hey Whoa Thank you. My hot take, or should I say, cool take,

is that the best five minutes you can spend each day is just waiting for your food to cool down. You've been scorched. Now, I just have to say that when I'm hungry and if there's food in front of me, I just want to nibble it up like a little nibble goblin, little throat slow. Yeah, and same.

And on Friday, I had two pieces of leftover pizza from my dinner the night before. Love that. And I heated them up in the microwave. Not the air friar? No, no, no, I don't fuck with that. I just put in the microwave. I like my food soggy and you know that. And this is fine.

Anyway, move on. So I put in the microwave and like, you know how sometimes the microwave, it takes minutes. Sometimes it takes me a seconds. And you can never really tell it's. bit of a gamble. It really is. You're rolling the dice

every time you put a pizza in a microwave. And so I'd put these two bits in for 30 seconds. It came out and it was

zapped to eternity. Like it was so hot. I was so hungry. And I'm sitting there looking at this fucking bread covered in lava and I'm like,

no, you know what? I need to give it a minute. And I've never done that in my life. I've never had the self-control. And I left it for five minutes, right? Five minutes.

From a 30. seconds, Zat. And I needed it. I'm not, I'm not even joking. It needed it. So what I did is I kept working for five minutes.

I was like, you know what? I'll keep myself busy for five minutes instead of just going, I didn't want to do that. Because it's also you want to enjoy it. Well, I'd never really known food could be enjoyed in this way. Because when it's not too hot,

you can taste it. And so that's why my hot take is that if you just wait a cuply mini, the food is way better. I have been scorched. I know that it seems simple, but I haven't been... It does. It seems real simple. I haven't been waiting. And I know that you know that because you also...

I'm a haf-da-ha-ha-ha-da. Yeah. I am impatient. I dislike waiting. But I just think that if you spend a couple of minutes... It is worth it. It's worth it. I'm not disagreeing. Yeah, you just feel a bit uttered maybe.

Maybe. Maybe that's why I'm defensive. Yeah. What do you do, Charles? You are... See, you don't like your food that hot in general, where I... I'll leave it for like a few seconds, but not that long because I like my food hot. Not scorching, but still hot. I was listening to a podcast this morning and they were all like, oh, if my chips aren't scorching straight out of the oil, send it straight back.

Oh, no. Or like if you're at Mac is, it's like, oh, like, can you get... me fresh ones please no no okay hot take don't do that that's annoying yeah that's annoying agree you can't oh can I have fresh chips shut up they're all fresh like do you know what I mean how much difference is it gonna be really you get it fast you get a chief you get what you get like it's okay yeah do you know what I do I do know what I do that I was like who do these motherfuckers think they are you know what I fuck with lately I've been thinking about a lot wedges

I reckon I fuck with wedges so hard right now. Can I tell you something? Please. And I want to know if this is true for anyone else. I reckon it might be true for you for what you've just said. I love being included. This sort of loves being included in.

This is the rotation that humans go through wedges. Six months on, two and a half years off. Yeah, 1,000%. For six months, you are just slum. them. Yeah. Sour cream over here. Sweet chili over here.

Yeah. Fucking wedging me out. Hey, should we go to the pub? Sure. Do you want to get a meal? Nah. Oh,

then I don't have salt and pepper squeers. Let's get a bowl of wedges for the table. What about this? Do a little bit of this. Yeah. What about this one? For the table. Wedges.

Sour cream. Hot chili sauce. Fuck yeah. Let's do that every three weeks for six months and then not do it again for two and a half years. And then you forget that they exist for a while. And how long does it take to you remember? A two and a half years. usually.

And then you go, fuck, I could do a wedge. We go, fuck, it has been like so long. It's probably been two and a half years.

Probably been two and a half years since I've had wedges. But don't you think a little bit like my hot take last week with an LLB, if you're the person to bring up wedges, everyone's on board. Like,

everyone goes, you're so right. Wedges would be perfect for this. Doesn't a wedge have lava on the inside? I was just about to say there's no better example of foods to just take a fucking beat.

Take a fucking beat. Maybe cut one in half so your first one's on the way. Maybe take a sip of your lemon lime bitters. Just take a moment. A fucking, a cold from scratch LLB. A bowl of wedges and a little ramekin of sour cream and a little ramekin of sweet chili.

That could fix me, I reckon. A man put a World War I bomb up his ass. They evacuated the hospital because no one knew if the eight inch artillery shell would explode. Astillery. Rood not too. Holy shit. What? The 24-year-old Frenchman claimed he fell on it when he got out of the shower.

His poor little Parisian pouch. He was in a hospital in the French town of Toulouse where the medical team with the supervision of French bomb experts removed the device from his poor little. Ratatouie tunnel. And they went, we've got to try to get it out. We've got nothing to lose. Couldn't get it out myself. My ass isn't that to lose. It's too tight, actually. Oh, not yours. Sorry.

On the golf toast. Sorry. I'm allowed to do as I please. Our coordinates. There's consequences. Despite having a sore Bechamel Bay. for a few days. Oh, what? The Frenchman is expected to make a full recovery,

but the bomb experts had to take the bomb away for testing to see if it was still, like, an active instrument. How did this guy even get the bomb? Like, is he like a collector or something like? He's something. But you, like, how would you, because surely something like that, should that be deactivated and then like put in a museum?

Probably. Like how would a regular human have that? It's a great question for the bomb experts. And so when the doctor, he goes, I've got an object in there. Can you take it out? And the doctors are like, yeah, like, how'd you go? Oh, he found it? Yeah, whatever.

Cool. Roll over. Fucking take him out. So then they get in there to like remove it. And the doctor's like, I think this is a bombshell. actually is that where the term comes from the first time a bombshell was ever used was removing an 80-inch artillery bomb from a Frenchman's

Parisian pouched it was just the way you were looking at me in the eye and he said this a bomb shell I didn't realize what I was saying no I didn't mind and then it clicked for all of us at the exact same time so the doctor goes it's a bombshell and I'm not talking about your wife I'm talking about this one.

And then they go, well, if we pull it out, it could detonate. And they had to evacuate an entire hospital and call in the bomb squad. I'm going to have to stop me right there. Are you sure that this isn't an episode of Grey's Anatomy? I wouldn't joke. Because I think this might have happened on Grey's Anatomy, like, at least five times. I wouldn't lie about a man's creme brulee cupboard. all right neither with the new york post i'm just wondering if the new york post has got its

wires crossed and they've just reported on an episode of grace anatomy rip your fucking algorithm can you google bombing asshole grace anatomy no just bomb oh can we google world war one bomb asshole can we google bomb on like internet at a hotel well we're not trying to search the fucking weather. They don't like that. Charles? Yeah, it's true. Sorry, it's the make you do that, Charles.

Yeah. 24 year old Frenchman Forster Hospital tour. Did I also use the term Ratatouille Tunnel or was that just an RJ special? I think that may have just been an RJ special from my skimming of vise.com. Sorry.

The bombshell. You Google Charles, where the term bombshell comes from. Because... It comes from Tony Lodge because when she walked down the street, everyone goes, pooh, look at that bombshell. Everyone goes,

I'm going to blow it. I'll just remind you that the internet is a dark place and you just did some weird faces. No, I did. I'm really sorry. Charles, how many updates? Yeah, the term bombshell is a forerunner

to the term sex symbol used to describe popular women regarded as very attractive. Like, sex bomb. Sex bomb. Sex bomb. You're my sex bomb. We go. I don't even choose.

Into my bachelor. Oh. Which is why I guess like Love Island uses it. It's like a hot new bombshell. A hot new bum shells entered the valour. A hot new bum shell entered his asshole. The villa is what I call my asshole. Villa.

Confession. I'm a teacher of deaf students and I fart out aloud all the time. Oh, you've got to. You've got to. No fake cough. No tactical walk to. No tactical. No tactical.

walk to the door, I just let it rain full volume and the sound echoes off the walls like a dolphin call. Did we know I could do that? I think you are the Christiana Rinaldo of dolphin calls. There's one coming. I can hear it swimming down the driveway. Is that what they sound like when they come, is it? All right, this is a dolphin. All right.

I'm going to do it. This is a dolphin coming. Yeah, but the dolphin is from the same town that Michael Kane is. No, too hard. Too hard. Okay, we're pushing the boat out quite literally with that. Miss away.