Toni and Ryan - Threeway Confessions

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

It's CONFESSSIOOONNNSSS day! (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) And our producer, Cam, is using his job in a way we weren't expecting. Love ya!! Toni xox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. This is author Tony Lodge. We are calling Renee, who is just down the road in Melbourne. Renee. Will she rename herself? Hello. Hello, Renee. Oh my God, finally. Hi, how are you? Hello. I'm good. How are you?

I'm really good. Ryan's also here. I'm also here. We're saying finally because there may, may have been some technical difficulties. Yes. But we appreciate it, Renee. Renee, what have we interrupted you doing today? I'm just working at the moment, organising appointments for people. Oh, like in a doctor's office? Oh, it's like a mobile podiatry clinic.

So I work from home in my PJs. Oh, that's really good. You know what, Renee? I think I've got plantar fasciitis. What? I know. You'll need to see somebody. I know.

Do you want Renee to make an appointment? Are you in Melbourne, Renee? Maybe I'll get you to biz me up an appointment. I am, but one, I'm not a podiatrist, and two, I'm actually disgusted by feet, which I know is ironic given where I work. That doesn't make me feel comfortable about wanting to go see a podiatrist and two, I'm actually disgusted by feet, which I know is ironic given where I work. That doesn't make me feel comfortable about wanting to go see a podiatrist, so I guess I'll go underdiagnosed because I'm a plantar fasciitis. So Renee, did that come up in like the job interview or did they say like,

you know, you're passionate about feet? Like what's the deal there? My boss is my friend and she already knew I was grossed out by feet. So we just, I just don't look at the profiles that there's pictures. Okay. All right. Well, I don't know if I approve that, but would you approve this podcast? You know I approve this podcast. Yes.

Feet and all. Feet and all. Hey, this is Renee from Melbourne and I approve this podcast. Alright, coming up on today's show, producer Cam is taking the piss. It's not good. He's only just started with us. Yep, he's taking the piss. And a bit of a follow-up because last week we were trying to find Aladdin,

this guy who was trying to hook up with Cam and Cam had no idea until a few days later. And then went, oh. I missed out on a golden opportunity there because he was hot as fuck. Yeah. And we haven't stopped hearing about it. No. Not from Cam, not from the Tarpers listening, not from anyone. We'll get to that soon.

But first, Confessions. These are top confessions. How do you go singing that post-COVID? I've only just had a huge mouthful of tea, so I feel okay right now. But, I mean, yesterday I got a bit coffee. Are you ready to sing I Still Call Australia Home yet or not quite there yet?

No, absolutely not ready yet. These are top confessions. I still call confessions home. I'm also going to call this the three-way edition of confessions. I don't. What? What? Well, three-way as in like a threesome or like.

No, as in like there's an extra lover. Not quite a love triangle because i'm adamant it's only a triangle unless it's a fully completed yeah there is a there actually there is a love triangle in this one um but we've got we've got three three-way confessions first one is called brother lover oh i met this guy on tinder and we hit it off and we spent a bit of time together over two months hanging out, hooking up, you know, doing what we're doing. He ended up ghosting me. And then I saw him out at a bar and he pretended like he didn't even know me.

What a jerk. So one night I'm out. That would be heartbreaking. Like when you're out and you're like, oh, oh. And they don't say anything. They're like, oh, no. So one night I'm out and I see his older brother at the bar. We didn't know each other, but I knew it was the older brother.

Yeah, probably seen him on Facebook, et cetera. Maybe it's petty. Maybe I wanted to bang him just to make the younger brother jealous. Yeah. So I did. And it worked. Ooh. A week after banging the older brother, the younger brother messages

and goes, oh, hey, how you been? What's up? Hey, you know, kind of that text that sort of just a bit like, hey. Just checking in. Oh, we haven't spoken in a while. Hang on. This isn't the love triangle, is it? No.

The two brothers didn't complete their triangle. No, I should fucking hope not. Well, I can't confirm or deny, but that's not part of the story. I mean, did this confession come from one of our, like, anonymously through our website? It could be. Have you met the tarp? I feel like it's definitely possible.

The younger brother texted me. We ended up hooking up a whole bunch more. But I started to realise that the younger brother was a bit of a dick and the night I spent with the older brother was actually way better. Ooh. So a few weeks later. So she's flip-flopped. Yeah, a few weeks later the older brothers messaged and said,

hey, I know we both said it was just a hook-up and like blah, blah, blah, but I just wanted to let you know that I actually had a good time and, you know, I hope everything's okay. So obviously he didn't know that she'd been seen by the younger brother again. Yeah, he's none the wiser. Because not only is he none the wiser about that, but like he was kind of used as a revenge bang. He wasn't even like, I want to bang you.

It's like I'm banging you to get someone else. A few years later. Years? A confessing tarpa can now inform us that she is married to the older, nicer brother. He is the love of my life. Question. Yep.

Does he know that you fucked the younger brother and that he was just a revenge bang? No. Still to this day, oh, hang on, he thinks it's a coincidence that I hooked up with his brother because, you know, you're all from the same town. Oh, so he does know that they hooked up. He does now, but he didn't know, like, A, the crossover,

the timings, or, no, that the only actual reason they got together in the first place was the revenge. He was just like, oh, you know, everyone's young, everyone's hooking up with everyone when you're younger. Like, oh, I'm going to hook you up with my brother as well. Yeah, how random. But, you know. Do you reckon there's also a difference between I hooked up

with someone one time and we were banging for months? Yeah. That's different, right? Because it's like seeing each other. Yeah. Or like friends with benefits or whatever. Well, you get to know each other. It's not just like you drunkenly fucking throw it in.

Well, yeah, because I think it's like if you kind of hook up once, it's like, oh, we hooked up once and that's so nothing. Yeah. But, yeah, if you kind of keep going back, I think that that's like that's different. That's not, oh, I saw you at a party, might as well. That's like, oh, did you want to come around Friday night? Again, I enjoyed myself and I want to do it again.

Yeah. All right, I'm not going to tell you. That family dinner. Sorry, is all I'm thinking about. Wow. You know what I mean? Like the older brother and her are happily married. They're all good.

And then the younger brother's just like, could have had that. It's awkward as fuck, and I will say... Sorry. Sorry, can you just repeat that? And I'm also going to turn my hat around because I don't think I can hear what you just said in a backwards hat. Go again. I actually regret it, and I'd like to take

back what I said. I said that the younger brother is probably thinking, could have had that pussy. That's what I said. And I regret it, Your Honour. Fuck me, that is a lot. Believe it or not, that is not in the top two of the three confessions today

on the topic of three-way bangers. The next one, I will retract their name because it's also the punchline. Okay, great. These are supposed to be anonymous. Oh, no, like the name they've given themselves is funny, but it also is the punchline. When my now husband and I were dating, we split up for a short period, and because I'm horny and his best mate thinks with his ding-a-ling,

this is her words, not mine, my revenge was to sleep with the best mate, and we did over and over and over again in one night. Like just a real... PB night. Yep. Get it done. Set in records babe. Bang. It was one night, but what a night. Whoa. And that again, don't you think that kind of supersedes

the like, oh, we hooked up once. But like you've got... You clearly had a great time. You know, like... I was severely missing my ex and it turns out he was missing me. And after months we made amends and the best mate and I swore we would never say a word. That never works. We got married and the friend was the best man at the wedding.

Ten years on. 10 years on, my now husband still has absolutely zero clue about that and about the fact that all the wedding photos up in the house, I always see pictures of the best man. She's fucked both of them. Every time I see that picture, I think about that wild night we had together. I mean, they were broken up. He goes on to say, I want to stress we were on a break. Yeah. Oh, okay. Ross. I'd feel like they were broken up.

So I think it's kind of like harmless, but, and at this point, after all this time, it would only do damage to the husband to not like, it's actually, I think just so fine. What time? Cause I agree. Yeah. What time has it been like too long? Because I just feel really bad that if he finds it and he goes, oh, you guys knew this whole time and never met. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I feel like either say. Straight away. Straight away or not at all. By the way, I banged Carl. Yeah. Like while we were broken up, like I was really gutted and I just like wanted to piss you off.

I like did sleep with your mate. So maybe get your brother to be your best man instead of him. Yeah, or even just like maybe just come to terms with that instead of like whatever. I don't know. I don't know really what the right or wrong thing is. Her name for the confession was Best Man Banger. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I see. I see what you've done there. But the photos on the wall, like she's still walking every day. She goes, oh, that was a beautiful day, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I remember that night. Have you ever, Ryan, done the revenge bang or thought,

oh, this will get under that person's skin? No. I don't. Yeah, right. I don't think revenge. But I've definitely, like, been with someone who's been with a mate and didn't? No. I don't. Yeah, right. I don't think revenge. But I've definitely like been with someone who's been with a mate and didn't love that. Oh, okay.

Just a bit like, oh, I don't know if I like. Yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah. It feels a bit strange. Sure. And there's friends that I've got now that I've been with their partners back in the day. Yeah.

And actually it's not weird at all with them, so I don't know why it'd be weird the other way around. But I just, I don't back in the day yeah and actually it's not weird at all with them so I don't know why it'd be weird the other way around but it just I don't know just there's something about there's a difference the crossover of like but I also think there's a difference of like you're the person you marry and have children with versus just like hook up with yeah yeah because like I would never consider any of the people I've hooked up with or even been in relationships with yeah like anything like my relationship with Torbs. So it's just like not even, like if I, I was actually telling Torbs the other day about this guy who really, really liked me

that bought me like quite a nice gift. Like we were never together or anything. It was like a really beautiful necklace. You don't buy jewelry for people, you're not trying to rail. Well, yeah. I've always said that. Yeah. Would you like a really beautiful necklace. You don't buy jewelry for people. You're not trying to rail. Well, yeah. I've always said that. Yeah. Would you like a necklace?

I bought you this. But it came up in conversation about like buying something expensive for someone you were trying to tune. And I said to Torbs, like, oh, have you ever done that? And he was like, no, I haven't. And he said, have you? And I said, no, but someone bought me. But it's like a different life. Yeah, it really is. You know, like I just wouldn't even if Torbs was like, no, I haven't. And he said, have you? And I said, no, but someone bought me. But it's like a different life.

Yeah, it really is. You know, like I just wouldn't even, if Torbs was like, oh, I slept with that girl. It just is so far away from me I don't even think about it. So I think it's fine. But I've definitely like been at a party and been like, well, like fuck you, I'll sleep with you, mate. Really?

Yeah. And then I was wasted. You've got a revengeful streak in your life. And I called that guy, the other guy's name. Yeah, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. This will show him that I'm over him. Yeah.

By railing to my other bloke and screaming his name. And then I went into the bathroom. And I went into the bathroom because I was like, fuck, Tony, like what is up with you? I went into the bathroom and the ex-boyfriend who I was trying to like get back at was fucking his new girlfriend in the toilet and I walked in. Oh, so is up with you? I went into the bathroom and the ex-boyfriend who I was trying to like get back at was fucking his new girlfriend in the toilet. And I walked in.

Oh, so who won that battle? Yeah. Oh God, I was drunk. Did you let him know? I had to go home. Did you let him, what'd you say? No, I was just like, I think I said a few choice words and then I left. And then I like went home and mum was like, how was, how was the birthday?

Cause it was my like best friend's 21st. Fuck, this is tragic, eh? I should not be sharing this. Nah, please. These are tough confessions. And I got home, mum was like, how was Nick's birthday? Oh, fuck. Where's Nick now?

Mum was like, how was the birthday? And I was just like, oh. Like a ghost. And, yeah, so it's a bit tragic was that sound you crying when you got home was that the sound of you getting fingered by that bloke no that was that was the ghost that was the crying ghost the ghost of tony large's integrity so did you get back with the original boyfriend no No, no, no. And he kept dating the girl who was banging in the bathroom? Briefly.

And then did you keep hanging out with the guy you were hooking up with? Or he was purely a revenge bang? That was Torbs. It was you, actually. Oh, shit. You were using me all this time. He was one of my, like, you keep going back to people. Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah. You thirsty girl. Bit dehydrated tone. Come around, mate. Can we cut something out of this podcast and I tell you something? Yeah. If we cut it out, I'll tell you. Can I comment on it after?

Because I don't want to exclude the tapas. Yes. Yeah, I'll... But, like, it needs to be low key. Okay. Okay, we're back live and fucking read Tony's book, everyone. Yeah. And when you hear this story and and fucking read Tony's book, everyone. Yeah.

And when you hear this story and when you read Tony's book, just know that you'll put two and two together. I reckon, yeah. But you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. And he was like a, yeah, was one of my. Yep. Yeah.

Or at the end of a party, he didn't have anyone. I'd go, well, you could fuck me. And he'd go, okay. What are you going to do, walk your cell phone? Yeah. We chat sometimes still. How's he doing? Yeah, he's good.

I bet he is. Fucking hell. All right, the final confession. Oh, my God. Sorry, everyone. The name is from Dick Insider. I bet. I met someone. Now, this person is bisexual and I don't know the gender,

but I know that they're bisexual. Okay. Because that's the thing with confessions. You're like, well, this is the information. It's actually, yeah. I'm like, this is the info I've got. I met someone on an app and decided to meet up and we've been sleeping together for three years.

It is what it is. We just hook up. They've got a partner. Yep. The person that wrote this confession or the other person? No, the other person has a partner. And they're in an open relationship? They're in an open relationship.

They're regularly away for business. So when the partner is away, that's when I go around. They have this deal where they can sleep with whoever they want, but they don't discuss names or details, but it's like they set the boundaries. This is the rules. Fair enough. Great.

Love that. So a year or so ago, I made another person on the same app and decided to meet up, and they go, oh, come around to my place. Fuck off. No, no, no, no, no. This did not happen. It's the partner. No way.

Because whilst they're normally the one who's away for business, this week they're home, but the other partner is off visiting family out of state. No. When I pulled up, I was like, yep, because you kind of see the address and you go, oh, fuck, I'm pretty sure that's close to, yeah. And then they pulled up and went, yeah.

And they've been driving there for two years. Yeah. You know, like it's not as if they went there once and went, oh, I remember that ficus, you know, fuck us. They had the sweetest cat and I had to pretend I'd never met her before. Oh, they didn't say anything. No. Oh, I would have said something.

I reckon you have to. Oh, I don't know. Well, the couple who was a heterosexual couple, a male and a female, they were like, no, we don't do details and names. It's like I trust you, you know, you go and do what you've got to do, but we love each other. When we get home, it's just us and we love each other. When I'm out of town, you can do what you want. If you're away, you do what you want because that's like lust.

But when we come home, it's love. That's like our home. And we're not going to sit here and gossip because then it's like you just do what you've got to do and I'll love you either way. No, I write that completely. I guess it's more just like if you're the third person in this situation, surely I would let that slip by accident. I'd be like, oh, do you want a glass of wine?

I know where everything is. So they had the sweetest cat and when I was introduced, I was like, I know this cat. I've been hanging out with it every second week for three years. And the cat like knew me, says the confessor. Yeah, what would? Yeah, like, oh, he seems really friendly to you. He's really normally a bit strange.

Normally so horrible, yeah. They also both tell me what they've been up to and they're going to do renovations. They're like, yeah, we're thinking of putting the fucking door over there and getting this new sink. And I have to pretend like I haven't already heard it all before. I've been banging the original one for three years now and the other one for over 12 months. No. Yeah.

Now this is a love triangle because they're all doing each other. Isn't this wild? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You want the kicker? Yes. So one time the original hooker-upperer. The three-year one.

The three-year one messages and says, my partner's asleep on the couch, but I'm just fucking all barred up. They're not well. I don't know if it was COVID or just they're sleeping on the couch, but I'm just fucking all barred up. They're not well. I don't know if it was COVID or just they're sleeping on the couch. Do you want to like sneak into the bedroom and we'll get it done? And they're like, oh, a bit naughty. Like, so you could, yeah. And like, obviously the other ones that you like it and they did,

she went around, hooked up and then snuck back out while the other one was like asleep. And then the other one calls and goes, oh, I can't hang out. I've been a bit sick. And she was okay. They other one calls and goes, oh, I can't hang out. I've been a bit sick. And she was okay. They're almost about to go, oh, I heard you went well. You know, like. And it's a year in.

Obviously they can't tell them now that there's. Don't you think this is. Well, they don't want to ruin it because the couple have decided no details. Oh, yeah. So they feel they're kind of bound by their, because they're like, I don't want to fuck this up for you guys. Because it's like an agreement with each of them.

Yeah. They're like, oh, it's, they're kind of like, I feel like I'm breaking their deal by speaking up. Yeah. It's a bit like, you know, the song like. Hosen area code? No, the like, if you like pina coladas, you know that song. Yeah.

And like the, the song is about how the guy writes an ad in the personal section and he's like, oh, I'd love to find this great girl. And he hears from someone and it ends up being his wife that calls up. Oh, I did not know that. So they like find each other again. So they're like. I've never sung more than the first two lines.

Yeah. So they end up, they're really tired of each other. They're not interested. She calls this personal ad because she hates him as well. Yeah. And they end up like calling're really tired of each other, they're not interested. She calls this person a lad because she hates him as well and they end up, like, calling each other. That's fucking funny. And, like, meet it. So it kind of feels a bit like that,

that they're both looking for the exact same thing. Like, same thing, yeah. But they're... Crazy, right? Crazy. Wouldn't it be hot if it was, like, a three-person thing, though? Maybe they're missing... That's what I'm thinking, like...

Maybe they're missing out on a threesome this whole time. Because, you know, the person could pop over while one's away or while both of them are there or, you know, look after the cat if they want to go away together. I know where the spare key is. I feel bad for the cat who's keeping way too many secrets. Oh, the cat knows everything. Yeah.

Yeah, and the pussy. Sorry. Tony Lodge. We're done here. Play the music and prove a thing. Hey, it's Renee from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony andodge. We're done here. Sorry. Play the music and prove a thing. Hey, it's Renee from Melbourne, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. After a bit of water and a cigarette, a big thank you to a few of our champion tapas.

Nathan Tyrrell, thank you so much. Jill No Chill. Jill No Chill. Love that. Randy Kramer, Trevor Brunix and Benjamin Dunn. Well, I've got a Renjamin Dunn right next to me. That was a joke, but not into it. Okay.

A Benjamin and a Renjamin. A couple of Dunns. Could do me. Whoa. Sorry, it and a Renjamin. A couple of duns. Could do me. Whoa. Sorry, it's a sexy episode. It is. You are worked up, aren't you? I'm on heat, sounds like.

Sorry. I'm actually too much. I need to step outside. Not like that. Just like, okay, stop. Wow. I don't want to describe you as anyone's, but if anyone bumps into Tony on the way home.

I have to scoot home quick. Today's your day. Hope Torbis is ready. Oh, that was a hot thing to say. Maybe I'll text him. Maybe I'll text him. Maybe I'll text him. I hope you're ready. But I think we should just lean into this sexy episode

because last week we were talking about times when someone was trying to hook up with you and you didn't realise until it was too late. And it's not like, oh, they were trying to hook up with me. It's like, oh, no, I would have fucking done it. I just, I'm an idiot. Cam told us about this sexy boy who looked like Aladdin, who, to be fair, couldn't have tried harder to pick you up.

Yeah. And when was it that you realised he was trying to pick you up? Yeah, a couple of days later, like two days in my apartment. Even though he did the imaginary fishing line and then Cam actually cut, like used his fingers to be his scissors and cut the line i just don't understand that no you were his marlin and you and you could rub me like a lamp um also the comment section uh on that post was was it good was that well because there

was people talking about aladdin and stuff and i may have added that i hope he can get it he's riding more than a magic carpet. Nice. Nice. Oh, if you've had laser, no carpet. Sorry. Sorry. You know what I'm saying, though?

Like pubic hair? Yeah, no, we got it. Oh, okay. Has there been any, for lack of a better word, bites since we've put Aladdin? Yeah, have we found him? Unfortunately, no. I think maybe he's a bit too cool to remember who I am.

No, so you're self-rejected on the night and you're self-rejecting now. Perhaps he just, you know, a bit too busy to listen to the podcast or something. Fuck that guy. I mean, our podcast is maybe not what, like, hot gay Aladdin lookalikes listen to. If hot gay Aladdins don't listen to this, then what are they listening to?

Lady Gaga, you know. Cool DJs that were at that event. Like, yeah, DJs. You know, do you know what hot gay Aladdin lookalikes listening to? Mashups on SoundCloud. Yeah, no, SoundCloud. I agree.

Yeah, SoundCloud. Yeah. What an education I'm getting. That's what I reckon. So because Tony and I are in long committed relationships and Cam is the single of the group, would you say living vicariously? I wouldn't because I love being in a relationship,

but that's okay if you want to live vicariously. What's the word I'm looking for? That is, yeah. That it's like, oh, you get your excitement out of other people doing their thing. So you're away last weekend, Cam, and I think the most fun thing I'm hearing about is when you're single, you get to a new town, you open up Tinder, you open up Grindr,

and it's a whole new smattering of new talent. You could say it's a whole new world. A whole new world. That was really good. Thank you. And because, Cam, obviously you were out of town at the wedding, Franco's wedding that I was supposed to be at but I wasn't. Yeah, Tony's big fancy hotel room to yourself.

So you thought you were sharing a room and then you're like, oh, my God, I've actually got this room to myself. Grind me up, Doug. So tell me, someone messaged you on Grindr, what did they say? Yeah, so I opened Grindr. The second you got off the plane? Pretty much, pretty much. No, no, no, honey, we were still taxiing.

They're like, do not turn your phone on yet. I was actually sitting in a shopping strip waiting for Franco. This was going to be the pre-wedding dinner the night before, right? You went to dinner before his wedding? Yeah, the night before. Who was there? Like a couple of the best men and Jess and Cam. That's very nice.

It was just at a nice Thai restaurant. I felt so honoured to be there. I had a great time. What were you going to do? Sit in there? Well, actually, what was I going to do? But like that's it. You're going to travel all that way and then.

No, but the night before, lots of people would have travelled and Cam was there. Not everyone else was there. That's really nice. Tony's big on the hierarchy of friends and stuff. I am actually. It's a really big thing for Tony. Because I think it's like a nice thing to show people that you love them

with like acts of kindness. So when I told Tony that we were expecting a child, she didn't care about the baby. She just wanted to know. I fucking cared about the baby. She wanted to know which order, like what. No, but I asked in a cool way. Have you already told your auntie?

No, no, no. Have you told your auntie yet? Or was I before the auntie? I asked in a cool way. I was like, oh, my God, so who else knows? That wasn't cool. I was like, bitch, just appreciate the child and move on. But then I got to do the comment when you announced it,

I got to do the comment of like so glad we can tell people. Such a bitch. Like flex that I already knew. Anyway. So you get there, you're at this fancy dinner, you've opened up Grindr. What's the message say there? Oh, God.

The first message I receive, I receive from a headless torso, which is, if you know on Grindr, what's the message say there? Oh, God. The first message I receive, I receive from a headless torso, which is, if you know on Grindr, a lot of the pictures are just torsos because maybe people don't want to put their face out there just yet, et cetera. Anonymous abs. Correct. I get a message. I'm not going to reveal any more info other than the first message

that I get pops up on my home screen. Yep. Shall I read it? Please. Random question. So no hey it? Please. Random question. So no hey. No hey. No hey.

Just this is in, oh yeah, up in Wollongong. First time I open the app. Random question. Are you the famous Cam from Tony and Ryan? Question mark. That's really funny because not many people have probably seen what Cam looks like you know what i mean like oh it comes in the videos no but we've like shared a couple of videos with cam

like you you probably really listen to the pod if you can put those two together don't you reckon and did when you see this do you go oh well fucking this is like shooting fish in a barrel or does that freak you out a little bit um to the respect of this person, it didn't freak me out a lot, but I was kind of like, fuck, like looking around my shoulder, like can this person see me right now type of thing? Because that's just a general way. Is it hard being famous, do you think? Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.

Like it's just making sure that like I couldn't see any lenses popping through the garden and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've got your sunglasses on, your big hat. And what do you reply? Well, the next message comes through, if I can. If so, welcome to Wollongong. Hope you find your New South Wales Aladdin in the green jacket.

And I said, ha-ha, shit. He was actually in a purple jacket, but I'll take any jacket, to be honest. Awesome. That's you saying I'm down. Were you interested in this person? Long story short, I didn't end up seeing this person's face. But did you keep chatting?

Did you see the back of his face? We kept chatting and there were a couple of Aladdin puns in there. And this person says, oh, damn, I was so close. To be fair, that was a couple of days ago. Hopefully you won't snip my imaginary fishing line. Cam! What are you doing? And then what did you do?

And you're at the Thai restaurant and you're like, I'm going to, you know, have a. You're also like. Have a pop it on after this, you know what I mean? When you're out of town, like there's sort of not like, it's like I'm here for two days. Is it on or is it not? Here for two days.

We're not here for two guys. Yeah. I'll pay it. Thanks. Sorry. Just trying to fit in. But did you have that attitude, though? Because when you're in a hotel.

You're someone else. It's like in Sydney when I said chow. Yeah, that was, yeah. You could be anyone. You could be a chower. But you say it with confidence. Sydney Tony says chow. That's who she is in Sydney.

I did say it. So I guess the question is, who are you in Wollongong? I think I was a bit sheepish. I was like, oh, I can't. But I was happy to play along with the puns. There were things like, he says. He doesn't want puns, he wants puns. He wants comes.

I don't want puns, he wants comes. Thank you. My gosh. So he's out there saying things like, oh, no, I'm sure you'll find him and he'll sweep you off your feet. And, you know, he can take you on a magic carpet ride, et cetera, et cetera. He's just being a gentleman. He was.

I think you should have done it. I just don't know why you wouldn't. Why are you on Grindr if not for that? Yeah, isn't that what it's for? What else could someone do? What else would you do? You had a huge hotel room that I paid for. Thank you.

You know, like, you know, you had not a care in the world. It was as if you were on holiday with your parents. Like, you know, like you were there, you didn't have to worry about anything. And then your parents fucked off because you and Torbs weren't there. Well, we weren't there, yeah. We couldn't look after you for the weekend. I was in a crèche.

Cam, I don't want to say I'm disappointed because that's what I said last week, but you being a disappointment is a current thing. It just seems like a shame. It just seems like a shame, a crying shame. I know. All I would say is if I had a face, I could have judged, you know, yes or no. Sure.

This could have been a success story if the gentleman had. Did you just not ask for like, oh, do you have a face pic lol or something? Is that cool? I don't know. Yeah, I probably would have asked that maybe a couple more messages down the line, but I kind of had to get to dinner etc and so i say um all jokes aside when i was like single i was like so scared of like being rejected you'd obviously like well you you don't want to be too forward because if they say no then you feel a bit sheepish yeah um is there i never put myself

out there so like i get it is that like a fit like you go, oh, I don't want to be too forward because this guy knows where I fucking work and then I'll just be that dickhead? Yeah, once you kind of get caught down there, the cycle of being on Grindr for a couple of weeks or months or whatever, it's kind of like, there's this kind of like quasi kind of social hierarchy about it where if you seem too keen,

the guy's pretty much just instantly off you. You've really got to play it cool at home, just chilling at home. Oh, yeah, cool. But you're all there to get fucked. Yeah. But it's this game that we all play. It's like, hey, you're cool.

Do you want to see my dick? Oh, if you want to. Oh, yeah, you can come around if you want. And then that's the way you reel them in. If you're like, hey, I really like you. Do you want to hook up? They're like, who the fuck do you think you are? Like, settle down, bitch.

Is there something someone could say? I don't understand that. Yeah, there's too many rules here. Is there something someone could say which was like forward enough but still being kind of cool? And this is both generally and then secondly for someone to specifically hear this podcast and message you this exact line. Oh, God.

Like if you were to receive a really hot message, like what would that look like? Do you mean? Yeah, or just something that's. A bit more forward less like be too cool kind of thing surely if someone messaged and was like i want you meet me blah tonight is that coming on too strong is that what you would want i think there's like it there's like a real there's like it's a it's a strange spectrum you can either be like cool and

playing it cool and like that reels you in or if you just fucking go for it and you message something really hot, that'll probably reel you in as well. So it's like the best of both, like the strength of both worlds. All right. We're going to start with Tony. Then we'll go me. Then we'll go Cam.

This is your one direct hotline. Hotline? That was mine. How did you go? No. All right. And you have to look me in the eye when you say it. So I'm trying to pick you up.

Yeah. What are you doing tonight? Oh, not much. Just hanging out. You doing me? Come around to mine tonight. How was that? Yeah.

Was that okay? Yeah, I would have also accepted, not much, would have also accepted like wrong answer. It's me. Oh, yeah, that's good. I like that though. Okay. Can you pick me up now?

Fuck, this is actually hard off the cuff, eh? Yeah, it is. Thank you. I did really well. Are you a spider? Because I'm not here to fuck spiders. Actually, let me go again. No, so you don't want to fuck me?

I hope you're not a spider because I'm not here to fuck spiders. No. Fuck. No, that didn't really work. Because you know the saying? I do know the saying, yeah, but I mean at first it was an insult because you said, are you a spider because I don't want to fuck you. No, because I'm not here to fuck spiders.

Because you're like, no, I'm not a spider. You're like, good. No, but at first you said, like, you know. I'm trying to have a point. Can you just accept that? No. No. All right, Cam, would you like to try and pick up Ryan?

Or me? No, it has to be me. Okay. I'm so bad at this. This is why I don't get any roots. I mean, you can't do worse than Ryan just did. What the fuck? To be fair.

To be fair. To be fair to who? You can't do worse than that. I kind of take a less punny approach. I kind of go a bit more serious, if we're being honest. Yeah, please look at me in the eye. Remember, I've seen you in a cop dress and I didn't hate it. Hey, Ryan, what are you doing tonight?

Because I've got to be honest, I really want to fuck you right now. Tony. I've known Cam for so long that that was like an insight into. Sorry, I'm just picking up my phone. Hey, you're not the guy from Tony and Ryan. Holy cannoli. Don't say holy. Can I just quickly butt in? Please. I don't know if it's the energy. Ken, that was really hot, by the way.

You could absolutely pick up doing that. I don't know if it's the energy that I'm being. There's a few boners listening to this podcast at the moment. Boners episodes. Boners. Boners. Boners episodes. Sorry for saying boners in that weird way.

At least you didn't say the S word. Oh, stiffy. I don't know if it's the energy of the TARP, the world that I've joined, that I'm putting out there, but I'm getting a couple of nibbles online. I hope I can just throw this out there. This is kind of an aside. Randomly, I was on Tinder and I matched with this guy who I thought was in Melbourne.

Turns out he's in America. And so I was just like, oh, what a bummer. Sometimes it's annoying because this guy's really hot. I find him really attractive. Anyway, we're just like to and fro, just messaging. He's obviously very cute. I must have put some energy out there because I had a nap the other night and I woke up mid-morning to one of the hottest messages I think

you could ever receive. Do you have the message? I do have the message right here. Hey, let me drink some water. Yeah, I'd fucking need to light a cigarette. I personally, I think this is very hot. Some people might think, oh, this is a bit weird. Also, another caveat, because as we know, I'm a big self-rejector.

There's a chance this guy cast the net wide and threw this message out to 10 dudes. But also, to be considered as one of those 10, that's a win for me. And you need to say it with the tone and energy that the message deserves. Don't worry about the accent, though. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah.

Leave that to Tony. She's really good at it. I wake up in a stupor and I just happen to check my phone and I see this message from this cute American guy. Got fucked last night and just pretended it was you the whole time. Permission to say stiffy not granted now go on wow haven't you got one that was that i also ran my back but oh what did you write ready for the asking

keep in mind we've got an an America trip coming up soon. Where are they from? I think like Miami, Florida or something. I guess we're out in Miami to do this. So, got fucked last night and just pretended it was you the whole time. I wrote back. How many hours later was this, Cam? Maybe five hours later.

Okay. Got fucked last night and just pretended it was you the whole time. I wrote keep talking like that and you won't have to pretend. Oh shit! Yep. Is that Riz? Yeah, that's definitely Riz.

Don't know the forecast for today but it's fucking wet now. I've got an announcement. Excuse me. Sorry. Wet for life. I've got an announcement to make. Yeah. The US trip for October, November.

Yeah. It's actually tomorrow. We're going now. We're going to Miami. Oh, no, we don't sing those songs. I'm in Miami, bitch. There we go. Wow.

Holy moly. Well, I've got a lot to say, but I don't think anything's going to top that. I'm in Miami, bitch. There we go. Wow. Holy moly. Well, I've got a lot to say, but I don't think anything's going to top that. No pun intended. Surely not. All right. I've got one to try and cool us back down after that from Raj in our Facebook group. Raj says, a VP at my company changed some of my email that I wrote like a um like a what is it called like a an email wrote an email no like an email like to customers what's that called it's called like an

edm edm yep yes um changed some of the edm email I wrote and told me mine was shit they performed so badly that we had to have multiple crisis meetings in the company. So this VP rewrote this email and said, Raj, fuck you. You need to change this. He did so badly. I sent out the next lot of emails without running them by her in case she changed them.

They did 110% – oh, sorry, 1100% better. Suck on that, VP. Vindication is a great feeling. You fucking love to see it. You fucking do love to see that. There is nothing better than when you go, no, like I think I've got this. They go, oh, that's not going to work. And then you just back it in and you go, mine would have worked.

We wouldn't have had this. Back yourself in. Fuck, you love to see that. Back it in. Love to see that. You do love to see that. Do you think it's kind of funny that an email could be sent poorly that required a crisis meeting?

Yeah. Isn't that insane? Because our emails are like, oh, do you want to talk about Dick's tomorrow? Yeah, okay. Yeah, sweet. See ya. But I guess if this is going to, this is an EDM that's like going to customers to obviously being like launching a new product or announcing a sale.

And you can't bombard it. You're like, well, that's our one for the month, for the week. Well, we can't waste it. That's going to bring in X amount of dollars, blah, blah, blah. And because I guess like, I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm very fussy about email lists. Like I'll sign up to something and then if I get a hint of them emailing too much, I'll unsubscribe.

Yeah, same. You've got to be that way. Like you've got to be ruthless. So they probably had so many unsubscriptions. So're like email list probably halved from one fucking email you know what i mean absolutely oh good on you raj good on you raj this would never happen when tony worked at the dahlia coles but look what's happened across the street at woolworths oh i've texted you what's happened okay can you Can you just, you know how, so what, you get the meat, you print the sticker with the label?

What have they written? I've seen this before. So instead of short cut bacon, it says short c*** bacon. Beep. **** bacon. Um, beep. But the thing is, is that you don't type out what it's called when you, like you just get a code.

So if like. Oh, so someone else hired the chains? Yeah. So if you just go, oh, okay, a kilo of short cut bacon, the code is 4892. And then you just put that in and then hit enter. Yeah, it does its own thing. And has like the price per kilo in it, blah, blah, blah.

So it, like, calculates everything for you. So someone who has gone, okay, 4892 is going to be the shortcut bacon, they're the ones that are, yeah. So random question, because you used to work at Coles, are you, like, a bit loyal or it doesn't matter? Or is it the opposite? Because sometimes people work places and they go, fuck, now that I know how to have a sausage, man,

I fucking hate that place and I'll go to the other place. I'd say I am a Coles girl. Yeah. However, recently I've been trying to go to Woolworths more because their rewards thing is frequent flyer points. Yeah. And I've never, ever flown for work or anything before, so I never cared about it.

But now I'm like, oh, maybe if I've got a couple of points, I might be able to get a bit bigger seat on the way to America where we go and find cams. Our America trip to go and get cam laid, our whole lives have become about points now. Yeah. So if you go to Woolworths or Big Dub or whatever, their reward system goes to frequent flyers. Interesting. Yeah, so I've been doing Woolworths or Big Dub or whatever, their reward system goes to frequent buyers.

Interesting. Yeah, so I've been doing Woolworths online and it is good. It is good. I will say I do like it. I've got another one you'll love to see. What is it? Is it that I'm now a Woolworths girl? Not fully.

No, no, no. I'll always be a Coles girl, but. For any people who are like points people like us, and again, we're two days into our points journey. Yep. Where we do this podcast, I asked them if they could change, because we pay rent, and I said instead of me sending the rent from just like a bank transfer, do you accept a card payment

so we can get points for the rent? That is so smart. Yeah, and they go, oh, we don't normally, but we can get points for the rent. That is so smart. Yeah, and they go, oh, we don't normally, but we can set that up. And then they message and say, yeah, no, all good. So hang on, whose accounts are going to? Well, we can get a business one or we can just, like, take it in turns. And then we'll pay ourselves back, obviously. But, I mean, this might be a bit too much boring finance chat,

but I reckon that's a fucking new life to see because rent ain't cheap, folks. There's a rent for classes in Australia and we are copping the brunt of it. All right. Well. Is that a good scene? I think that's pretty smart. It's probably a bit boring. It's a fair few points a week.

And by the time October comes around, you know what I'm saying? Fuck, that's all right. That's fucking smart. Yeah. I'm proud of you for that. Thank you. That's savvy. Thank you.

I'm spending a hundred bucks at Woolworths. You're fucking, you're pointing us up. Thank you. We'll own the100 at Woolworths. You're fucking pointing us up. Thank you. We'll own the plane. Oh, private jet. Absolutely. All right, well, tomorrow, speaking of finance chat, oh, here's a good hook.

I've had a meeting because we're about to bring a daughter into the world and we're doing, like like the will, the insurance, you know, that kind of boring stuff. All the paperwork. And the person obviously has to ask a couple of unfortunate, like hopefully this never happens. Oh, yeah. And I'm going to ask you, Tony, to speak on behalf of you and Torbs.

I'm going to ask some of the nitty gritty questions that they ask. And even just asking the question will show how strong or not your relationship is. Yep. Okay. Done. Because what I know about you is you're loyal. I am. But then obviously some of the circumstances, but you can flip.

If someone does you wrong, fuck them. They're dead to you. I'll fucking kill them. I can do that as well. So when they go, well, in this situation, I can already see you getting fucking worked up. And I'm nervous because I want to do a good job in this fake interview. All right, that's tomorrow on the show.

Love you, bye.