Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: Aussie Sayings

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

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Hey there, it's Producer Cam. It's your throwback episode and you are listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Happy Monday everyone. Welcome to another throwback episode of the Tony and Ryan podcast. It's Producer Cam with you. Ryan's on baby leave and Tony is accepting the Nobel Peace Prize currently. I've actually got on live stream. She looks great. Oh, shit. She's got some cum on her dress. Damn it.

Speaking of cum, we've got jizz stories coming up today. If maybe we can just get rid of this segment and I can just tell you five of mine straight off the bat happened within the last two days. But anyway, that's coming up. But first, let's jump into some Aussie sayings with the guys. Take it away. Hey, quick question that has come through from Texas. Texas. I got a question for you Aussies out there. Us Texans, when we're

trying to say the word you, but in a plural form, we say y'all. I don't know why we do. We just do it. You all squish it together. Y'all. And I've asked like 10 Aussies in person and none of them know the answer of what they say when they need to reference multiple people. For example, are all y'all going to the store? Where are y'all going to dinner tonight? How would you say that here in Australia? Send help. So this guy's just moved to Australia and he's just trying

to figure out the subtle differences. The slang of, yeah. So, Tony? I'd probably say everyone. Oh, is everyone coming to dinner? Is everyone going? Everyone. But, like.

Because I listened to this and I was like, we don't say y'all. And then I had a big like. Because we don't. Because we don't. And then I had a big like. Because we don't. Because we don't. And then I had a big like, what do we say? Everyone. What's everyone. Like is everyone going?

Because I think that in a group or depending on who you're talking to, you know who the everyone would be. Do you say that a lot though? Because it totally makes sense. But I just don't. I guess if I think about it. But, yeah, I'd probably say everyone. Everyone.

Dear Texan, everyone is the answer. I feel like that's probably our closest word. We just talk without needing to use a word. What are you doing for dinner? What's everyone doing for dinner? What are we you doing for dinner? What's everyone doing for dinner? What are we all doing for dinner? What are you guys? Do we drop a you guys?

Is that a thing that we say anymore? But I just feel like depending on the context of who you were talking to and what you were talking about doing, it would probably be different. But if we would say I was going gonna say if i was talking to you about going for dinner yeah it would imply that it was you and your wife bridget yeah my boyfriend torbs and i but you wouldn't say everybody about only four people you wouldn't be like oh is everyone going and be like oh i mean torbs and bridge are coming but that's not but is everyone coming that's not enough for every for everyone to be everyone.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. Also, that guy sounds like a guy that says y'all probably every second sentence. Yeah. So to move to Australia, we're like, we don't do that. Maybe the problem is that I don't have enough friends to talk about people in this grandiose sense. Yeah, maybe this Texas guy has a lot of friends, a lot of mates.

He's going out with a lot of people, doing a lot of parties. And they're all going all the time. Yeah, they're all going. And it doesn't apply to us because hashtag unrelatable content, we don't have friends. No mates. This is a lot sadder than I thought, this segment. Yeah, I used to work with someone who always said y'all,

like an Australian person. Unironically. Yeah, I think thought it was cute or funny. Because I say howdy a lot, someone brought to my attention. Because I say howdy a lot someone brought to my attention. You do say howdy a lot. Is that weird? And also when you're texting me, your yeah always auto-corrects to. Yeehaw.

Yeah. And so whenever I'm like, are you coming to pick me up in 10 minutes, you go, yeehaw. And it always makes me laugh. Why does my personality and auto-think think I'm a cowboy? Maybe it's because you can't spell. Maybe they're just really, really confused. Or maybe it's me just like, yeah, huh?

Yeah, huh? I don't think so. Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, are you coming to pick me up? Yeah. It's just so funny.

And to help this guy that has moved from Texas to New South Wales. I thought we'd go through a few other things. Texas to New South Wales, that's a big move. It depends where in New South Wales. It's sounding regional, isn't it? It is. Yeah. It is.

It doesn't sound like he's moved to Sydney. I hope for his sake he's not in the eastern suburbs of Sydney with all the fancy Instagram girls and stuff. Although maybe he'd do all right for himself with the accent there. Maybe. Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, yeah. Not for Tony, apparently.

Not for me. But, yes, keep going. When us Australians say, I'm wearing thongs, we mean. Shoes. Flip-flops. Yeah, not the slutty underwear. Excuse me? Slutty, like hot little slutty underwear.

It's slightly a compliment. In that situation, I think so. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah. The other day when I was getting my haircut, so I went there at 3.30 and I left at 9pm. Whoa. Like it was such a long day and I didn't even think about it,

but I wore quite slutty underwear. You just sit there for six hours. In my slutty underwear. Like a wedgie. It almost fucking split me in half. Hope you don't sneeze. It's sliced like a piece of string through cheese. You know those old school, those cheese things?

Unfortunately, yes. I'm well aware. And so are the people at the hairdresser. Yeah, that's a bad decision. Yeah, I just didn't even think about it, but I did not dress for comfort. That brings me to our next thing. When we say tracky ddacks, we mean.

The pants you're wearing right now. Don't tracky-dack shame me, mate. You've rolled into work today because this is our job. Yeah. Our full-time job. Well, I was going to say I've retired. I'm unemployed and I'm wearing tracky-dacks. Yeah, like sweatpants.

Sweatpants. Yeah. Because I didn't get when I'm, I don't know if I mentioned that I once lived in America. When? When people like put your sweats on, like your sweatshirt, sweatpants. I was like, what?

That sounds a bit gross. So when. They're trackies. Watching like American TV and they say in my sweats, I was always like, oh, cool. It's obviously pants. But it also means the jumper, right? Like a windshield.

Yeah. They don't say jumper over there. They mean jumpsuit. Oh. But it also means the jumper, right? Like a windshield. Yeah, they don't say jumper over there, it means jumpsuit. Oh. So if you say I'm putting a jumper on, everyone's like, righto. Oh, that's so weird. Yeah. So what you should have done yesterday at the hairdresser was not wear a thong and instead of being tracky-dacks, so you're nice and comfortable. Australians actually get put in jail if we use the word shrimp.

We actually say prawns, which is hilarious because everyone says shrimp on the barbie. I'm like, that's not a real thing here. Yeah, but also we'd never, ever do that. No. Like it's not very common to eat seafood. Well, it's not for me. Maybe I just can't afford it.

Yeah, I think prawns on the barbecue is fucking delicious. Oh, it's really good. I reckon I've done it twice in my life. I've never cooked it myself, though. I've had it, like, at a fancy restaurant or, like, at a mate's house on Christmas or something. Yeah, yeah. Like, because, oh, seafood on Christmas in Australia is a big thing.

It is, too. So you'd maybe, yeah, you'd maybe do, like. Morton Bay bugs. Oh, yeah. In like a pasta or something though. Yeah, nice. Some people will get like a big fish and like bake it all day and the thing.

Oh, I do like a whole fish. And the garlic. Yeah. Anyway, we digress. In Australia we don't say McDonald's, we say. Maccas. We can't be bothered saying sandwiches because it's too long and who's got the time, so instead we say...

Sambos. Sambos. I would have accepted Sanger. Oh, Sanger, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sambos is also 100% true. I always say Sambos. Do you want to get a Sambos? I think I like it because it sounds super bogan.

It does. Like, oh, yeah, just having a Sambos. Yeah, got it from a Servo. Who was there with you? J-Mo. where do we get our petrol servo where do we get our booze bottle um if we know a person with the last name robertson they're called robo if we don't know the answer to something we don't know and if we really don't know the answer we really fucking don't know the answer. We really fucking don't know. I was going to say Fuck Defino. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also. Also, Robbo, J-Mo and me down at the server. My name, full name, Ryan John Dunn. Congratulations. Thank you. For the first 18 years of my life, that means I would be exclusively known as. Dunny. Yep. Which is a toilet in known as. Dunny. Yep.

Which is a toilet in Australia. It is too. Yeah. Which most people wouldn't know probably. This is really awkward. So when I would like go to a party with friends, they'd be like, oh, this is Steve, this is Dave and this is Dunny. And then I would sort of always get this look, especially if it was like a girl and I'd be

like, it's like, cause my name's Dun, it's not like a story. Oh. Cause it's like. But I mean,n, it's not like a story. Oh. Because it's like that's a. But, I mean, you did shit on that barber's towel. So now it does have a story. Oh, it's nice when things come back around, isn't it? But I always had to clarify that there wasn't a story. I didn't even think about that.

Because it's such a, like, if someone does something harrowing in a bathroom, like, oh, good work, Dunny. Yeah, oh, toilet. Yeah, then you meet someone and they go, what oh, good work, Dunny. Yeah, oh, toilet. Yeah, then you meet someone and they go, what do you call you, Dunny? Like, oh, I fucking shat myself back in the day. No, it's just my last name. I never even thought about that.

Oh, so then you'd have to be like, oh, no, no, no. My last name's Dunny. You can still sleep with me. Just call me Ryan. It's not a toilet story. It's fine. And then so Bridget and I met in Western Australia, so the other side of the country.

So when we were together, I was like, come meet all my friends, come back to Melbourne for the weekend. So she's meeting all my friends. Yeah. And they're telling all these stories in Bridget's mind about some guy called Danny. Because everyone's like, oh, you're here with her? Yeah.

Oh, Danny, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, after I was like, everyone's telling me stories about this guy, Danny. I don't fucking know him and I don't fucking give a shit. And I was like, oh, no, that's Danny. They're talking about me. Like they're trying to like welcome, oh, we've known your partner for ages. Here's some stories from back in the day.

And she had no idea until I explained that to her far later in the evening. Was she speaking to lots of Irish people and she missed them? Oh, don't you remember when old Dunny did that? Hello. Thanks for sticking around. It's producer Cam here taking you through a throwback episode of Tony and Ryan. One thing I do love about the TARPers, the Tony and Ryan podcast community,

is that it doesn't really matter how, unless you fucking shit on a towel, how embarrassing a thing you do. I feel like we're all in this together. We're all a bit weird. And whatever we do that's weird, there's always a tarp that's, hey, bro, I've been there too. I've also experienced this and willing to share their stories. They are really good at coming to the party.

And I'd like to thank a few people for coming to my party. Oh, when did you have a party? I wasn't invited. It was the jizz party. Interesting choice of words. Don't know how we got here, but here we are. That's okay. So a few weeks ago I said I had to give a sperm sample. Yes, because you and your wife are trying for a baby.

Just wanted to get the swimmers checked. Swimming well. Yeah. And what precisely happened? Well, now because of COVID, you don't give the sample at the place. You need to do it at home and then drop it off. But you've only got about 30 or 40 minutes because it needs to be like, I don't want to say the word fresh because it's getting a bit graphic and gross,

but it needs to be a recent sample. And is, correct me if I'm wrong, but is that just not the worst situation to have time pressure for? I caught an Uber with jizz in my pocket. Yeah. And, yeah, knowing that it opens at 8, so I need to finish at 7.41. Finish or. What?

What do you want me to fucking say? Oh, just do it. Just do it at 7.41. Finish or... What do you want me to fucking say? Oh, just do it. Just do it at 7.41. Do it at 7.41. Because you can't do it too early. Yeah. But you can't do it too late because then you're running out of time. Yeah, and then the Uber's going to be at the door.

Because you had to be at work as well. Excuse me, sir, Uber. I said Uber in a second. Yeah, I'm coming. Is that the Uber or the fake taxi? Coming. What's a fake taxi? Coming. What's a fake taxi? Don't.

Don't. Actually Google it. And then you'll know why it makes sense in this story. Fake taxi. Summer results may be explicit. Oh, it's like a series of like a type of porn video. The taxi driver is not really a taxi driver. And the passengers in the taxi don't end up paying with money.

Yeah. Paying with cummy. Oh, my God. Why are you still looking at it? I started like scrolling, but I don't know why. God, I'm going to have to explain that to my boyfriend when I go home. Rest in peace, your algorithm. Anyway, because of this 30-minute rule kind of thing,

shout out to the people that don't live in town. Well, that's what I said. If you live far away, what are you supposed to get a hotel for the night? Wow. I've got a few stories of people that don't live close to town and they, and like I said, we're all in this together. Schmiegan and Wazza have shared their stories. Oh, Schmiegan, thank you so much because it's a natural part of life.

Yeah. Like we laugh and we joke and it's like, oh, Ryan came in his pocket. But, like, it was for a real reason. I came into a jar that then got placed in my pocket. There's a very important step between. I didn't just come in my pocket. Schmiegan. Hi, Schmiegan.

We live too far from the collection place too. They didn't have a room to get it done. The clinic suggested using a public bathroom and we both thought that sounds disgusting. And they're right. That's gross, right? How's the clinic suggesting that? How's that?

What the fuck? Yeah, thank you. Oh, there's a McDonald's next door. Why don't you just get a double quarter pounder and just do it in the toilet? Gross. That's really inappropriate, don't you think? Yeah, well, we don't know what to do because they're like COVID. We don't have the rooms anymore.

We don't know what to tell you. Maybe try this. Schmiegan said that's gross. Oh. So we came up with the idea that we borrowed, well, they borrowed Schmiegan's mum's Ford Explorer, the car, because it had, you know those cars that have the- Explorer?

Hardly know her. Fuck that. They've got the seats in the back back. You know how sometimes it's like the three rows of seats? Yeah, but do you want to come in your mum's car? That's the question I have first asked. I mean, maybe when you're borrowing your mum's car when you're on your P's, you don't have your own car yet.

Of course you're going to sneak a cheeky baby in the back. But when you're an adult, do you really want to be coming in your mum's Explorer? So Schmiegan is driving whilst the husband's in the back back. Coming on the go. On the highway because they're travelling from their rural town into town to drop it off. And so they're like, how far away are we?

What's it say on the GPS? About 28 minutes? All right. Cool, I'll hop in the back. And because it was the backpack, he just thought, you know, that bit of separation might make it a little bit less awkward, which I'm not sure. I mean, it would be awkward either way, I would have thought.

Yeah. And that's like, that's your partner. So it's not that weird, but it is a bit different. Well, I guess when you're doing it yourself, it's still a bit. Yeah. It's still, yeah. I mean, we know what we're doing, but it's still awkward and funny. Yeah.

So he's in the back back and Schmiegan's job is, because it's a multi-lane highway, is he's like, just don't be going the same speed as another car whilst being next to them. Yes, absolutely. So they're just staring straight in and see him wailing in the back. Wailing? Fucking hell.

Yep. Schmegan's. Imagine. Sorry. Go on. Can we just think about how funny that would be? Yeah. I mean, that's all I've thought about since Schmegan told this story.

Because you just imagine driving down the highway, you do that double take thing. What the fuck? But then Megan's realised she's sped up a bit so then they're gone and you're like, did I just imagine that? Was there a guy in the back of that jacking off? Explorer. Exploring himself.

Sorry. The sound was a bit off-putting. You'd put the radio. Oh, then you'd be on there. Hey, it's Melbourne. Excuse me. Oh, no, they're listening to Nasu's 97.3 reggae station. Anybody off to give a sample to them?

Hey, man, give us your C, man. Anyone travelling down the highway? They'll be travelling into that jar of ice. You did an accent. Ryan. I'm only usually a Melbourne DJ. Yeah. Now I'm international.

Now you're in Sanua. Sanua? Isn't that what you said? Nasua. Oh, Sanua is in... Malaysia or Bali? Bali, yeah. Malaysia or something?

Balasia. Balasia. Balasia. Bali. TikTok. Anyway. She said the sound was off-putting so they put on some sexy music. Like the neighbours that I overheard on Valentine's Day.

So. When we got there. So he's in the back of the Explorer. Yeah. They're playing the sexy music. He's getting ready to give his sample. He's on the way to. And gives it. Yeah. But she playing a sexy music. He's getting ready to give his sample. He's on the way to. And gives it.

Yeah. She is, she's driving. Keep your eyes on the road. Keep your eyes. Yeah. Don't look in that rear view mirror. Oh, I don't want to see that view of the rear. Things may seem smaller in the mirror.

So they get to the hospital. Yeah. And he sort of walks in, you know, a bit sheepish, as I experience it. It's an awkward situation. Totally, yeah. You come in your pocket. Yeah. Yeah.

Do they give you at least like a tinted jar or is it clear? It's a clear jar. But sometimes the jar goes in a bag and the bag, yeah, it kind of creates a bit of a buffer. So he gets in there and goes, yeah, where do I drop off the thing? I was told I had to drop it off. And they go, yeah, what name was the appointment under? Yeah.

Appointment? I thought I just dropped it off. And they go, yeah, but before you drop it off, you need to book in. What? That's what he said. So it turns out before you drop off your specimen, you have to make a booking. Oh, so that they know to expect it.

Yeah. Don't say no, you're coming. Yeah. So he's like, oh, shit, look, we've just driven from. And I've just come in the back of my mother-in-law's Explorer. I've just come in my mum, that's his mum's. His mum's. Oh, thank God.

Yeah. I've come in my mum-in-law's Explorer on the Western Highway. Can you just take it? Surely. It's fine. Yeah. No. They had to make a booking and come back and do it again the following week.

Fuck off. Shout out to Schmiegan's husband. Schmiegan. Oh, that is fucking traumatic. At least you only had to do it once. Well, you Schmegan's husband. Schmegan, oh, that is fucking traumatic. At least you only had to do it once. Well, he had to do it twice. No, at least you only had to do it once. Like he's had to do it again.

I can confirm that Schmegan and her partner are now mum and dad's two beautiful babies. Oh, wow. You don't often hear a happy end to coming in an Explorer. Well. I mean, well, it's up to you. A happy ending from a self-happy ending. So that is beautiful.

Oh, fuck. I can't believe that. You had to make a booking. Surely you would vet what you needed to do before going in. This is why you need a Tony Lodge in your life, to get the plan down. Pat, don't leave it to chance. No, you can't leave.

Oh, anyway, yep. Quickly, Wazza Brown. Wazza, tell us. Also lives out of town. Wazza Brown lives out of town. Didn't know that he could smile and frown. Couldn't do it at home and I also felt weird doing it in the car. And the men's room felt weird because if there's a bloke in the stall next to you,

they're like 15 centimetres away and they can hear it. Oh, it's also like indecent exposure. Like you can't do that. Yeah. It's fucked up. It's illegal. So this lady at the hospital goes, oh, like if you want a room to yourself, just use the disabled toilet.

And he's like, oh, I guess there's no one else in there. You're not sharing a room. You can lock it. You know, it is what it is. Yeah. So he goes. How are they suggesting? That is so fucked. So he goes. How were they suggested? That is so fucked.

So he goes into the disabled toilet, gets it done, finishes up in the jar. And then because he's got the jar in his hand because he just needs to walk out and, like, place it on the bench. Yes, Tony Lodge. Sorry, I've got a question. Sorry, I've got a question. How aiming-wise is quite.

Use your English, dear. Is it accurate? Is it easy to accurately or is there a bit of splatter? Sorry? Spray? Like, you know, because or is it easy to aim it or is it kind of like, oh, that's gone everywhere? Because if you're doing that in a public, like that's fucked.

Yeah, it's fucked. My answer is. Is it accurate? Is it easy to aim? You kind of get close enough to the, like as in you're practically in the jar. You know what I mean? So it's not like you're from the other side of the room trying to lob it in. Totally, totally, totally, totally.

Sorry. So he gets the job done. It's in the jar. And he's got the jar in his hand because he just needs to walk out of the disabled bathroom, put it on the bench. Plonk it on the thing. And walk out and keep his head down. Yep.

And move on with his life. Yep. So Wazza opens up the disabled door on his way out and there's a kid in a wheelchair waiting to go into the disabled toilet. Yeah. His carer and his mum because he needed to go. There's only one disabled bathroom. Yeah.

They open it. And because you're not supposed to use them so that they're available for people that need them. So Wazza's there, an abled bodied man holding a jar of his own jizz and they just looked at him and went, you all right? That was the mum that said that. You'd be pretty uncomfortable if you saw that.

Like I'm not saying it's not Wazza's fault, like because that was the only option they gave him. It's not his fault. But like if you saw that, you'd be like, what the fuck? And he said like the kid in the wheelchair was like at jar level. So it was like right there in front of him. The mum said that and the nurse was just like, I think it seems like, from what Waz has told me, the nurse kind of knew this is fucked up,

but also I know you probably didn't have another option. But also the staff, that was the option the staff gave him. So what was his, like, you'd feel awful. Oh, my God. It turns out that you actually had the least bad, as far as this goes. Sounds like it doesn't go great for everybody that does it. I don't want to say I got off easy. Oh.

Thank you so much for putting up with me for another throwback episode of the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm producer Cam. The guys are back on Wednesday. Oh, say it with me. Yes, yes. We can all go back to what we're comfortable with.

I'm freaking out here so I can do this for a couple more days. And then the guys, the nights and the, and the, and the, and, knightesses, will be back in shining armor from Wednesday. But first, let's quickly do a little You Love To See It before we jump out of here. This is from Monica Cordiero in the Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook page. This is so wholesome. I hope I don't tear up. After losing my uncle to cancer at the beginning of the year, a really short battle, for Easter, my auntie surprised me and had a bear and pillow made from his clothes for my two-and-a-half-month-old son.

He helped my mum raise me and my brother when she was a single mum. Every time I walk into my son's nursery now, I smile knowing he's there with us. I freaking love to see it. I fucking love to see that as well, Monica. That is so cute and so special. Having your uncle with your son now as he grows up. It's a beautiful thing. I'm going to get out of here.

The guys are back Wednesday. We've got one more throwback episode and then we're going to have some fun and party or whatever. But yeah, anyway, time for me to go for a drink. I'll see you soon, guys. Love you. Bye.