Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: Parking ya car and in the bedroom

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

Throwing it back to an audiobook obsession (that did NOT last). Love ya!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Producer Cam. For your throwback episode, you are listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hello, it's Producer Cam for another throwback episode of the Tony and Ryan podcast. Ryan is still on baby leave and Tony just invented flubber, so she's a bit stuck at the moment. So I thought I'd help. The guys are back tomorrow. Your knights in shining armors will be back. But we've got one more episode to get through and then they'll be back on the saddle, back in the saddle.

I don't want to see where that saddle's going. Today, Tony's made another wild statement. But first, we are going to jump into some parking the car and also in the bedroom. Things you can say while parking the car and also in the bedroom. Is that one on? No.

No. Fuck. I hope you've got insurance. I hope they've got insurance. I hope they've got insurance. I hope this shopping centre has insurance. Yeah, that bollard just came out of nowhere. I like to film everything just in case I need it later

for insurance purposes. Do you have one of those dash cams? Yeah. On the tip of my knob. It just spits into the microphone? It was the term knob, I think. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about it.

It's a bit aggressive, isn't it? It's new from you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm trying it out. Me too. Trying out your knob.

Oh, no, I don't like it. Ooh, she's a tight squeeze. I've heard that before. Have you? Yeah. I haven it. Ooh, she's a tight squeeze. I've heard that before. Have you? Yeah. I haven't. Which side do you want me to rub on first? Rub on?

Well, I can't reach both sides when I'm in there. I see. I see what you mean. Pick a wall. Yeah, right. It's the toothpick, not the hallway. Yeah, I get it. Yeah.

My mum taught me how to do this when I was 16. Did she? Did she? Fuck, don't even. See, I've got, like, lots of things I can say, but I don't want to say them. Say it. So she taught you how to do stick.

She taught me everything I know. And isn't half Melbourne better for it? Back it up. Back it up. Bit more. Bit more. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A few more inches. Yeah. A few more inches. Whoa. Whoa. Made as if you've got a few more inches.

Yeah. That's all of it. That's all of it. Oh, but don't scratch me backside. When I was younger, you never had to pay for this. Oh, don't speed when you back it out or you'll be burning rubber. What? With this new technology, no hands.

Oh, that's very funny. This is for when somebody else indicates after you've already been indicating, like when you're waiting at a spot and someone else is like, oh, I'll take that. And you go, no, this one's mine. Have you ever had to say that? No. No one's ever had to say it about me either.

Torb says that to me all the time. Are you sure you don't want this spot? It's free. Anyone's welcome. I'm just going to pop in for a quick minute. Leave the car running. I'll be right back. Oh, no, the batteries are flat.

You hate it when you're ready to go and it won't start. It won't start. Yeah. I hate that. You left the headlights on. I hate that. You've left the headlights on. Do you reckon you could move it a little bit to the right? Oh, have I not put it in the right spot?

No, not up, I mean. I'm here for click and collect, so if you just get the stuff and shove it in your trunk, I'll be on my way. Click and collect. I want dick and collect. So if you just get the stuff and shove it in your trunk, I'll be on my way. Click and collect. I want dick and collect. I reckon there's a few people. In fact, every friendship group, there's someone that should be nicknamed click and collect.

That should be their new name. Why? What does it mean? And that's for the person in your group that expects to just rock up and have someone stick something in their trunk. There's always one. I like the look of that people mover. Yeah, because it's going to be moving me.

Oh, no. I should call you the people mover because I can get six people in you. You can get thousands, actually. Oh, that was actually fun. That's's the far most thing you've ever said and that's not true that is not sorry that is in the top 100 most things you've ever said that's bad i think it was the hand gesture and the it was very physical and graphic yeah it's because i was talking about the semen. Oh, I normally don't kiss the bumper. Oh, it's just a little one.

Oh, sorry, mate. Fuck, we've been here for a while. It is going to be expensive. Worth it, though? Probably not. It's like when you lose your ticket. You have to pay for overnight. Oh, fuck, I've come in the back entrance.

Shit. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. The consequences from last time were diabolical. Better than coming in the front when you don't expect it. That's true. You've got to pull out. It says it's a two-hour zone. What am I going to do for the other hour and 57 minutes? This is by Emma Warne.

I always get nervous doing this when there's a heap of other people watching. Like when you're trying to parallel park out the front of a cafe. Oh, fuck it. No, drive home. Start again. Make an instant. Yeah.

Get a Makona, mate. You're done. Don't you hate it? Don't you hate it when you rock off and you go, oh, there's a little slot I could put it in. And then you get a little bit closer and you realise there's already a little one in it. Or a bloody motorbike.

There's a bike in there. I'll never fit in with that in there already. A bike taking up a whole slot. That's very funny. Can you just let me know if it's close? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, watch the airbags. You'll set them right off.

This is me pretending to be driving. Okay. But also walking into a bedroom. I mean, we should call the segment Things You Can Say in a Car Park and also in the bedroom. Yeah. Oh, did you look at that arsehole? Very casual road rager.

Yeah. Oh, I'm having trouble getting this started. We're going to have to call for some assistance. Trevor? Is that the RAC? Can you just bring that thing around, plug it in, and we'll just give it a jump start? Started.

We're off. Here we go. Let's make this kitty purr. let's make this kitty purr. Why is that a thing that is... I have no idea. It's funny, though. No, that's what I mean. It's the funny, but then you just,

who was the first fucking bloke in the 60s talking about his shit muscle car? Yeah, that went, oh, these cuties purr. Here a purr, fellas. That's good. Yeah, thank you. That was audio queen-esque.

Yeah, thank you. Audio, she's all right. Hello, it's producer Cam taking you through your throwback episode. You are listening to Tony and Ryan. All right. Now, Toni. Yep. Is it fair to assume that people listening to us now are podcast fans? I hope so.

They like podcasts in general? At the very least, I hope they like this podcast. I think there has been a few comments going, oh, I didn't really like podcasts. I like yours, but the rest are not so much. You, like, don't listen to a lot of other podcasts? I'm not a podcast person. No.

You're on the record. Yeah, I know that that sounds really weird. A lot of people think, like, oh, podcasts must be your life. But, like, I think, like, anything, just because because it's your job doesn't mean it's what you. I love doing this. I reckon it's because you used to live so close to work that you didn't have a commute. Yeah. So I've never, like, so when I've mentioned before on this podcast, our podcast, that I've listened to My Dad Wrote a Porno before.

And that's when I was working at that job in Bunbury that used to have the crazy parties. I was working there and every weekend I would drive like three hours home. Yeah, right. And, yeah, so I kind of got into that a bit but I just like got a bit like stopped driving and then I didn't need to do it. Which is why it's surprising that you came over yesterday and boldly announced to the room, I think

I'm going to be an audio book person. I just say so many things. I'm a thing sayer. Maybe that's my thing, is that I just say these like crazy sweeping statements. And then I said, if you don't have the patience for a 30 minute podcast episode, why do you think you can spend eight hours on an audio book and then you and I got into a tears because I as we've discussed can't really read that well yeah and then I think just my I've already moved on mentally by the time

I finished page one and then if I'm listening to an audio book I'm like just give me the five give it to me in 10 minutes like I don't have hours and I don't have a car so I'm like, just give me the $5. Give it to me in 10 minutes. Like I don't have hours and I don't have a car, so I'm not driving with the audio book on. So I don't have a natural, logical time to listen. But I was all anti-audio book and you were like, no, that's who I am now. Well, see, the reason that I think that an audio book would be good for me is because I actually love to read, but if I'm ever like

on the couch or before I go to bed or something, I'm love to read, but if I'm ever like on the couch or before I go to bed or something, I'm like, oh, I don't want to sit here and do nothing and only read. But instead I would just like go on TikTok. So you think at that time you're about to go to bed, oh, maybe I'll listen to my audio book for 20 minutes as I close my eyes and nod off or is that the kind of vibe? I'm thinking that maybe I would get more reading done via audiobook

if I could, like, listen to it on a walk or whatever. How often do you walk? Well, not very often because I get so sick of my music and whatever I'm listening to. Oh, so this is going to, like, encourage the walking. Well, I hope so because, you know, when you, well, you don't, but, like, you know when you get super into, like, a TV show or a book or a podcast or an album that you can't stop listening to

and you, like, want alone time so you can do it? Enjoy it, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking that that is going to happen and it's going to, like, spur me on because I've got real, I've talked about this before as well, listening to new music, watching new YouTubers, all of that stuff, gives me anxiety because I don't know if I'm going to like it yet. And I don't want to, like, commit to going on this walk and not really know what I'm going to like it yet. And I don't want to like commit to going on this walk and not really know what I'm going to be listening to

or start listening to it. Say I listen to some like fucking podcast about, I don't know. A science one that my wife loves. A science one, right? And like, yeah, the information's good, but you've got to deal with the banter at the beginning of like, oh, how are you going, Joan? Oh, well, this morning at the car park, fucking this happened. I don't care.

I'm listening for science. Don't say that with that tone because that's literally what you and I do. I don't want some shit podcast where they don't fucking talk about anything. We're not pretending to give information. That's a good point. That is a good point.

I take it back. Yeah, I know. We didn't promise anything. We even took the fax away so that it didn't seem like we were trying to get somewhere. We were trying to teach you something and no. And now we know our place and we're going to stay in our lane. We are a brain break.

But so yesterday I was at your house and we were working and I walked home. I bought an audio book on the way. Did you? Yeah. It was fucking great. What did you get? I bought Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

I have read it before. Yeah. But I was like, at least I know it's a book that I like. Yep. Test the waters with something I know that I like. It was really good. I didn't lose focus. I, like, stayed on track.

It was easy to follow. You're saying this is your gateway to audiobooks and this could be who you are now. I think so. Was it Mark Manson? It's not him narrating it. It's somebody else narrating it. Tell me if this is a piece of shit move.

Okay. I've got an. Oh, my God. What? I've got an app. Yeah. Called Blink List. What's that?

Blink 182. Travis Barker. He's in hospital. Oh, my God. He's got pancreatitis. We're all very worried. And that was the end of my story. It's an app called Blink List. And what it does is it takes books and brings them down to 12

minutes. It just gives you the dot points. Just hits the spots. So, okay. I feel a sigh and a bit of, a bit of anger there. So what they do is someone there reads it and then goes, oh, cool, 12, how many chapters in Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck? 10, 12, something like that? Sure, yeah. So say every chapter's got a theme. Yeah. And it will spend one minute on each chapter going,

so the theme of chapter one is if you think about this, then you end up doing that. So the author advises that you do this instead. Chapter two, and you can just knock out a book in 12 minutes. You are such a piece of shit. I thought you would say that. I was nervous you would say that because here I am thinking I'm just ticking off books.

I'm reading stuff all the time. I've read three books this week. And that's what I think I get too bored reading a book when I'm just like, just give me the info, bro. Here's seven, what's that old classic like how to influence people and make friends? How to? It's like seven tips of highly effective people. They're clearly, I've said three different books.

They're all, there's just words there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's really effective. How to communicate good. It's like here are the five communicate. Just tell me the five things. I don't need to hear a 57-hour backstory. But you miss all of the nuances that like the author has put into the book. I'm not here for the author. I'm here me the five things. I don't need to hear a 57-hour backstory. But you miss all of the nuances that, like,

the author has put into the book. I'm not here for the author. I'm here for the five things. Do you know what? How do I not give a fuck? I'm going to relate this to you to an example that you're going to understand. I don't know if this is going to be fun. Only the other day we were talking about,

I can't even remember how it came up. We were talking about making movies. Yep. And you said. Fuck, yeah, making movies. Yep. And you said. Fuck, yeah, this is so true. Fuck you. And you said, because at one, was it 2012? You made and produced and directed like a movie that came out

at the Comedy Festival, right? Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I wrote it and produced it, yeah. Someone else directed it. I don't know how to do that shit. Sorry, yeah. I don't know how to do a lot of stuff. But you were like, you put all this time into writing this film

and you, this is a quote. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don't use my Sorry, yeah. I didn't have to do a lot of that. But you were like, you put all this time into writing this film and you, this is a quote. Don't use my fucking, yeah. This is a quote from you off the air, so don't go back and try and find it. It's not like on the podcast. You said, and from that day I learnt to never criticise a film until you've made one yourself.

It was such an undertaking. So much work goes into it and you just don't realise. So when you watch a movie and you go, oh, don't know about that lighting, you know, so much has gone into that and it's such a big job, I will never, ever criticise a movie again. Is that what you said?

Sounds familiar. I also said, because you know how there's professional movie critics? Yeah. That they can just watch a movie for two hours and go, oh, I didn't really like it. And you go, mate, someone probably put four years into that and you're just going to sit there and just brush two hours and go, oh, I don't really like it. You go, mate, someone probably put four years into that and you're just going to sit there and just brush it off and go, oh, whatever.

How long do you reckon it takes to write a book? A while, I'd reckon. I'd say, well, Mark, he said he's put about two years into that. Yeah. Minimum. And I'm going to punch it out in an app whether he doesn't get paid for it in 12 minutes. Yeah.

And, like, if I wrote a book and you did that, I'd be really upset. What if I bought your book and then told you it was great? Yeah, that's fine. Great. Thank you so much for sticking around with me those past couple of weeks. You can now take the cotton buds out of your ears. This is Producer Cam for the final throwback episode

of the Tony and Ryan podcast. We can't get out of here without doing one more final. You'll love to see it. This is from a tarpa in our Tony and Ryan podcast Facebook group. Danny Saddington-Wells says, I live in an apartment with stupidly small windows and no outdoor space, but I've just signed my contract for an allotment.

That's 10 poles of my very own dirt to plant in. Sounds silly, but I'm genuinely excited. Just need to go buy all the gardening stuff now. Apparently I need a different type of hoe. He's done the joke for me. That's what I love to see. But Danny, I know people in England whose dads have allotments in England

because they live in small places and getting out there, getting your hands dirty, sitting there with a cup of tea and just watching your garden grow in a little allotment is like one of the simplest, most beautiful joys in life I've experienced it myself. And I hope you have a fucking great time doing it. Tomorrow, the guys are back

and apparently there are some wholesome, a little exciting news, a little announcement. I'm not sure what that could be. Who the fucking know? It's only been a couple of months in the making, hey? But I'll leave that up until the guys to bring to you tomorrow. But thank you guys so much for sticking around.

I've loved having you with me. And I guess that's it. We'll see you tomorrow. Tony and Ryan are back. I can't fucking wait. I'm going to jump off the microphone. I'm so fucking excited to crawl back into my little hole. I love you guys and I'll see you then.

Bye.