Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: Slapping A Seagull

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

TARPer Mikalah brings us normal or nah and slappin' a seagull! Love yaCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Mikayla from Lancaster and I approve this podcast. Hey, it's Mikayla here and we're throwing it back with some of our favorite episodes from Tony and Ryan of 2023. The guys are on holiday at the moment, but we will be back with some brand new episodes in 2024. So today we're throwing it back with some of our favorite episodes. Today's story includes a seagull. You know the one. But it is Thursday, so we're going to start off with some normal or not. Paige asks,

does anyone else spend two or three days before opening a message because you have anxiety about opening the message and not replying straight away. Then you leave it for so long it actually creates more anxiety and it's just a vicious cycle. Normal or nah? Normal. I do this all the time, all the time. I also do it with messaging people first when I know

that, like, something's coming up. What do you mean? Like if someone's like birthday is coming up and I'm like, oh, I should probably message them and see if they like want to have dinner beforehand or something. Then if I get like a bit anxious about it, then I don't do it and then it gets to their birthday and I'm like, I should have messaged them a week ago and been like,

did you want to have dinner? Yeah. Or whatever the situation is. But I look at a message and you can only say the first like eight words or whatever and I'm like I don't think I have the energy to deal with that right now. I'm not taking on new messages at this time. Yeah.

And then I don't read it and then four days goes past or a week or something and I go I actually just because the first, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, the first thing to go is me replying to text messages. Right. Unless I think it's like work. So if you text me, I'll always open it because I know that it's probably for work.

Well, that's what I was going to say. It doesn't ring true to me that you would not reply instantly to a text message. Yeah. Like I've seen you not reply for a minute and you're like, I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you straight away. Yeah. Or if I'm like I always feel really guilty if I'm like,

say it's a hair wash day and I'm in the shower and I'm like shaving everything, I'm doing my hair, whatever, then I always feel really guilty because if you're in the shower for like 20 minutes or something, that's like quite a long time to not reply to something if it's like urgent. And then you're like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And then I always feel really guilty. It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, I'm shaving every hair of my body. Of my body, including my head.

But, yeah, so then I'm a bit more prompt. But, yeah, I let messages. I've got a couple sitting in there at the moment. Do you want to take care of them now? Who are they from? No, I actually don't even know. But I know that there's a few. I won't say their names.

I'm curious to know. Yeah, go on, pass it here. Well, I've got 141 unread text messages. Yeah, I'm not good with that as well. The top one in my favorites. He's annoying. That's all right. Yeah.

Who else have you got here? Oh, there's one from me and Brad. That's great. Our manager. Yeah. Oh, him. Yeah. Okay, that's one from me and Brad. That's great. Our manager. Yeah. Oh, him. Yeah. Okay, that's understandable.

Which one? Tony. Yeah. Who? There's a message from the paddle club that you haven't opened and it's like two weeks old. I'm not getting into it. I'm not getting into it.

No. Okay. So when that message came through, I was with Bree, so I was replying via her proxy was replying yeah hey sure hey i ain't here to judge you just said i'm not gonna give any names oh i didn't i just said the club that they're in oh it's just she loved a message it's not a new message yep yep yep yep okay well anyway um i think totally normal and i reckon lots of people would get the same overwhelm yeah and then absolutely. And then you have to do the speech every time. Oh, I'm so sorry, I've been so busy and then you seem so self-important. It's just like such a vicious cycle.

Reply straight away. My love, this is from Dominica. Hi, Dominica. My love language is being annoying as fuck to my partner. Dominica says every time I slap my husband's butt He gets so fucked off and it's so funny It makes me love him even more Every time I roast him and he doesn't have a comeback

He gets so fucked off and it's so funny And I love him even more Every time I impersonate him with a stupid voice He gets really fucked off It's so funny and it makes me love him even more Is this normal or nah? Is fucking someone off one of the official love languages? Because it feels right, doesn't it?

Adding a bit of liberty there. I want to say nah, but there are definitely times where I'm, like, winding Torbs up. Yep. And he goes, why are you trying to fuck me off? Like and he will go like, you know that I'm either like, why are you doing this? Like you know that it's fucking me off.

And I go, because I love you. But then I always ease off because I'm like, oh, I'm probably getting close to the. The point of no return. Yeah. Yeah. See, I'm torn with this. I'm Natalie Imbruglia because when you explained that,

I fucking hated you. And then I was like, but I actually do that all the time. I was literally about to say you do this to me all the time. Do you remember very early on in our relationship when I said that you had something in your teeth and you went, well, no, I don't. And I was like, oh, no, you do. It's just here teeth and you went, no, I don't. And I was like, oh, no, you do. It's just here. And you went, no, I don't.

And I went, what? Like I don't get this. Like you've got something in your teeth and you're like, no, I don't. And I was like, you do. And it just wound me right up. Like it just really got in my asshole. Like it just really fucked me up. It was hilarious. And then it happened again at your house and your wife was there. I was like, oh, you just really got in my asshole. Like it just really fucked me up. Yeah, it was hilarious.

And then it happened again at your house and your wife was there. I was like, oh, you've got something in your teeth. You're like, no, I don't. And I was like, why do you do this? And Bridget from the other room, your wife goes, he thinks he's being funny. I hate it when you and Bridget are together because you guys are comparing notes on how fucking annoying I am.

Because you do all this stuff that I think you only do to me. And then I see you do it to Bridget and I go, it's your love language. It's your love language. In fact, all the other love languages, they are unfamiliar. Is it either your love language or do you just actually really not funny and you think it's hilarious? I don't think it has to be one or the other. I think it's definitely both. It can be my love language and I'm not funny.

They can happen at the same time. You think it's so funny. You think it's such good gear and I'm like. So one thing that I love more than anything in the world. Me. As well as Tony is annoying Bridget. It's the best because when I can tell- But she doesn't like, yeah.

When she doesn't want to be cuddled or touched or annoyed, nothing in this will make me happier than trying to cuddle her and annoy her. And now that she's pregnant and she goes, I don't want you near me at the moment, I go, I'm actually not talking to you, I'm talking to my daughter. And then I'll sit there with my mouth on her pregnant and she goes, I don't want you near me at the moment, I go, I'm actually not talking to you, I'm talking to my daughter. And then I'll sit there with my mouth on her stomach and be like, Daddy loves you. And then Bridget's like, leave me alone.

I'm like, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to my daughter. And then she's like, fuck off, exactly what you just said. And then I'm like, oh, it's actually not about you. Stop trying to get in between a dad and his daughter. I'm trying to be a good parent. That is so- And I feel bad because you can see Bridget.

Dad loves you. You can see Bridget's eyes. Daughter McDaughterface, it's bad. It's bad. Here he is. Mum's being mean and a dick, isn't she? Yeah, I know. You're my best friend, not her.

Well, you just- Bridget, if you're listening, you're always welcome at our place if you need it. Or you can send Ryan to our house. I was going to say, if one're listening, you're always welcome at our place if you need it. Or you can send Ryan to our house. I was going to say, if one of us is getting food from the house, it's not Bridget. Peter. Hi, Peter.

Torb's middle name is Peter. Really? Yep. Torb's Peter Torblerone. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? TPT. TPT. What's TPT?

TPG. Yeah, I was going to isn't it? TPT. TPT. What's TPT? TPG. Yeah, I was going to say it rolls off the tongue. Peter asks. Tell your toes to roll off the tongue. We're actually recording at the moment. Just trying it out. It's my love language. Peter asks, putting your toothbrushes through the dishwasher.

Fuck off. What? Normal or nah? No.. Fuck off. What? Normal or nah? No. Nah. Fuck. What? When my wife first suggested it, it weirded me out.

But then I thought, well, you put your fork in the dishwasher and you stick that in your mouth, so why not? What's the difference? Because I was also like, fuck no. But then when you read that, you go, well, actually. Is it one of those things that might not be that bad, but it's very unsettling to think about? I am unsettled.

You look unsettled. Do you know what really weirds me out? And I know that famously across the internet I'm known as the girl that can't use soap, doesn't know what a toilet is and fucking whatever. You know something that really freaks me out, when people put like tea towels or anything like that in the washing machine with other stuff. Oh, with clothes.

Because then you... Yeah. Why does it freak you out? Because it's covered in food stuff, which like your clothes probably are as well. But the idea of it being like stuff that you've cleaned in the kitchen with, being in with your clothes. And Torbz is like, but it's a million degrees in there

and there's soap, it's all agitated around, like it's obviously going to get cleaned. It really like turns my stomach. And so I think the idea of my toothbrush being in with a pot and pan makes me physically ill. Like just really upsets me internally. Yeah. The logic when I read that thinks, oh, that's not too bad.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's coming from someone who ate salmon that was cooked in a dishwasher. And it tasted like it had been in the dishwasher. Sash asks. normal or nah, holding a piece of folded toilet paper over your butthole when you fart to try and smother the sound. So you're at a friend's house.

Yeah. And you, like, got to go to the bathroom. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. And you're kind of like, oh, the bathroom's not that far away from, like, friend's house. Yeah. And you, like, got to go to the bathroom. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. And you're kind of like, oh, the bathroom's not that far away from, like, where everyone is. Yeah.

And I'm scared that if I'm going to do number two, it's going to, like. Yeah. A start fart. A start fart. We've discussed this. A friend recently told Sash that she thought it was normal and everyone did it. You just get the, it's just like a little, you know,

it's like the soundproof padding in this podcast video, but a little one for your butthole. I thought it was really weird, but she claims it was normal. Side note, when I tried it, it didn't work very well at all. Okay, I'm going to say no. You're just sitting there like an idiot who's farting on their own hands. Yeah. Well, that'll stop it.

Yeah, oh, there's fart on there. Hello? Yeah. Especially fart with nothing in between. Yeah. Like a that'll stop it. Yeah. Oh, there's fart on there. Yeah. Especially fart with nothing in between. Yeah. Like a bare ass fart. Bare fart. You're going to get pink eye.

Make sure you wash your hands after that. Don't stare at it. We have talked about the start fart. No shame in a fart in the toilet. You're there to do toilet things. Yeah. I think it's fine. But you know how you make a fart and not make any noise?

You spread your cheeks apart. First of all, never say that and use the hand. Yeah, no, you don't need to show me how that. No, don't. No. Is that true though? Yes. So if you're doing a fart and you pull your, like,

cheeks apart and, like, open up your arsehole, like this. Sorry, I can't stop doing the hands. Please. But if you do that. I've had to put my hands on my head. But if you do that, the fart won't make any noise. It just goes. Are you sure?

Do it now. Do you need a fart? No. Is the sound what you're saying is your butt? No, it's like your ass clapping. Your clink's chapping. But it's like, yeah, the vibration of like your tongue. Because like you've got a little pocket asshole.

Like that's what makes the noise. Well, you do have a little pocket asshole. Not you. I'm saying you, the royal you. Oh, no. The collective you. The collective you. Ryan is a royal you. You, the royal you. Oh, not. The collective you, the collective you. Ryan is a royal you.

I am. You said the royal you. I'm like, thank you. Yeah, the royal, no, the collective everybody. You got to love, puck a little asshole if you just. Sorry, I can't stop saying puck a little asshole and I can't stop doing that. Okay, this isn't a video episode, but fuck me,

I actually can't look at you right now or I'm going to start crying. That is how you do a part with no noise. I'm not looking at anyone. My hands are on my head. I didn't say pocket the glass. No more hands on my head. Hey, it's Michaela from Lancaster and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tony Felicia Lodge.

Yeah. Can you please remind us all about the genius seagull move that happened at the Richmond train station? And please tell the story like you don't fucking hate it. Oh, my God. So I heard this sick story. Actually, that annoys me way more. So Ryan told this story about this guy at the Richmond train station who, did you see this in the flesh?

No, not even secondhand. I would maybe say third or fourth. So that's because this in the flesh? No, I think it's not even secondhand. I would maybe say third or fourth. So that's because it didn't happen. No, no. The person who wrote the comment originally on Reddit, he says he knows the guy who saw it. Yeah. Oh, so the liar is lying about the liar who reckons he saw it as well.

Three lies equals the truth. That's what they say, isn't it? I have heard that actually. Yeah, good point. So that you claimed that you read this comment from this guy on reddit who reckons he knows a guy who saw this happen that at the richmond train station there was all of these pigeons um kind of tapping away outside of the the like on the platform yep um and then just as the train was about to take off they

threw a box of chips into the train. And obviously all of the birds flapped into the train to try and get the chips. The doors closed and there was commotion in the train. Hilarious. The seagulls got off at the next stop in South Yarra. And as we know, South Yarra are very fancy, so they're obviously now living their best life. This is the other thing, though, that every time you tell the story,

it changes between pigeon and seagull. Well. I don't think that you even believe the story. Do you remember the other story that you told about the dog in the suitcase, which also was not true? Just because. You get had on the internet a lot. That's all I'm saying.

I just trust people. Well. Now, you are on the record of saying you're not a bird guy. I'm not a bird guy. Yeah, we heard that not a bird guy. I'm not a bird guy. Yeah, we heard that a few weeks ago. I'm not a bird guy. So I'm also not as violently against birds as you are. But to me, a seagull, pigeon, I mean, they're all the fucking same.

Cockroach of the sky. It's like cucumbers and zucchinis. No one knows the difference. Okay, that's not the same. Don't write me a letter. That's not the same. Did you say that thing? Yeah, Ryan got some hate mail.

We'll talk about it next week. Literally someone wrote down hate mail. Yeah, like not even typed it out and sent it on Instagram. Wrote it on paper. So there's been a follow-up to the genius move, and it's not that this – because with that move, someone, like, did it deliberately. This is like an accidental thing.

I don't think anyone did anything deliberately because I don't think it happened, but, yes, go on. This one did happen, though. No, but think anyone did anything deliberately because I don't think it happened. But yes, go on. This one did happen though. No, but how can you? Why should I trust you? I can't trust you that it did happen or didn't. I've never felt so let down by our friendship since I fell over and you laughed in my face three days ago until now. That was really funny though.

Okay. Okay. Yep. Let's hear it. What happened? Nick says, I once accidentally slapped a seagull into a cafe. Accidentally what? This story kills me so much. Oh, producer Cam has lost it.

What did you say? Oh, he smashed his elbow on the desk. It's all popping off over there. I'm actually crying over here. What did you say? Oh, don't. I hate being the one that doesn't get it. What did you say?

I once accidentally slapped a seagull what do you mean i don't get it oh like into the door like into the window or you know how something's like in your peripherals and you don't know like is it an insect is it a bird so look at producer cam he's gone bright red i saw something in the corner of my eye and my first reaction was to swat at it i accidentally made really good contact with it and slapped it through the open door of a small but busy cafe. And it was like a bomb went off. What? So?

The chaos was unimaginable because I was on the outside of the cafe. It was like I was at the zoo looking through the glass at a stampede. There is so much liquid on my face. I haven't felt like this since I filmed that late night movie. Fuck it up. Where did you find? Is this also on Reddit Or was this a comment

In our Facebook group Someone has replied To the pigeon story And goes Because this sounds real This one actually sounds real You think that's bad Cop this one

Oh my god And you can just imagine You just imagine All the people Waiting for their oat latte. You know how birds flip out and shit everywhere? The sea bird would have just been... What did I say?

Is it a sea gull or a pigeon? It's a sea bird. The sea bird would have just flipped out and shat all over everybody. Yeah. The chaos was unimaginable. It was like a bomb went off. Oh, my God. Shit.

And the bird as well would have been like. The bird doesn't want to be in there. No. The people don't want the bird in there. They're not enemies and they don't know how to help each other. There's just one little door at the front. That is, I can't believe that happened. That is insane.

Oh, fuck. My head is sore. How are you, Cam? Are you okay? Not well. Not well? I don't think I've ever seen Bridges of Cam do that before. You look distressed.

That's a great story. That is a great story. Fuck, I'm actually crying. Isn't that just one of those things you could never do that if you were trying to do that? Yeah. No way. Like you would never, ever.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night laughing because I knew I had to try and tell that story this morning. I am like, I can't believe that story. Like, it's hilarious and obviously it happened because that sounds real because that's fucking insane. But I cannot compete with how funny you guys think that is. Like, that is so funny and you guys are both, like, bawling your eyes out. Fuck me. Fuck, that's so funny. Where guys are both bawling your eyes out. Fuck me.

Fuck, that's so funny. Where? Do we know anything else? It was Melbourne apparently. If anybody is listening and they were in that cafe, I would love to hear someone from inside the zoo. Or if you work at that cafe, I would love to hear what actually happened. Have you seen a seagull get slapped into a cafe?

It would have been flying low. Yeah. Don't victim blame. No, no. Hey, this is Michaela. Thanks again for tuning in to Tony and Ryan. My love to see it is all of the TikToks I saw over the past few weeks of people buying Christmas gifts for the Angel Kids this year.

It just warms my heart to know that those kids had such a wonderful Christmas and a great start to their New Year's. It's just one of the best times of year. You love to see it. All right, Tony and Ryan will be back on Monday. Thanks for tuning in again, and we'll chat to you it. All right, Tony and Ryan will be back on Monday. Thanks for tuning in again, and we'll chat to you later.