Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: Taking someone's food

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

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Hello, it's Producer Cam taking you through your throwback episode. You are listening to Tony and Ryan. Happy hump day, my darlings. It's Producer Cam taking you through another throwback episode of the Tony and Ryan podcast. Ryan's on baby leave and Tony fell into a painting. She can't get out. So I've got to steer the ship for a little bit.

Today, a waitress has committed the absolute cardinal sin. If you're a hospo worker, I'm going to talk to you on the episode thread because I've been a hospo worker and I fucking know what's about to go down. Insane. But first, let's jump into some Normal or Nah. Normal or Nah, people submit their questions and Bailey Alice Joy. I thought you were about to explain heart work. No, the title is very self-explanatory.

What is it? It's normal or nah. So Bailey Alice Joy has submitted a question. I don't think we need to answer it, but I think by the question she's asking, we know that she's had a bit of a day and maybe she also needs a matcha tea and a bit of a relax and she's not feeling well. Okay. Normal or nah, says Bailey. Actually using a fucking indicator in your fucking car.

Fuck me dead. Is it fucking normal or is it fucking nah? Again, we don't need to. Sending love to you, Bailey, at the moment. Yep. Yep. Whereabouts is Bailey? Do we know? No. On the moment. Yep. Yep. Whereabouts is Bailey? Do we know?

No. On the roads. Yeah. Not anymore. I don't think. Very frustrating though. It is very frustrating. As an over indicator myself, I.

What do you mean an over indicator? Like I indicate for longer than I need to probably because I don't like to. Yeah, it is. Never if there's like another road. Yeah, that's what fucks me up. Yeah. Yeah. But Bailey is just sending our thoughts and prayers.

Yeah, Bailey, love you, mate. Love you, mate. Danny L. Now this one fucks me right up. This actually traumatised me for years and still sometimes I have flashes of this. What is it? Normal or nah, thinking your life is part of the Truman Show and struggling to bust the actors and or cameras.

Have you seen the Truman Show movie? I haven't, but I know the premise that he's like in an experiment and everybody else like knows that he's the only person that doesn't know or whatever. Yeah, so everything gets seen. So I, for instance. And it's like on TV, right, is it? It's live on a channel like Truman Network, whatever.

So was he born into that? Yeah, right. And he doesn't know. Do his parents agree? Or was he? Like they're in on it and they're actors and whatever. Oh, sure. And when one of the actors wants to quit, they're like, you know,

phased out and whatever. Oh, mum's had to go for a trip or something. And they teach him early on that travel is dangerous and they tell him all these travel stories where people die so he never wants to leave the island because then obviously he can't leave the experiment or whatever. And they're all watching it. What's the outcome they're hoping for?

Well, the TV production is like it's fascinating viewing. It's the actual reality TV and we get to grow up with this person and live their life with them and it's like a little brother we never had and we see him go about his life. But then obviously there's the moral side of like, this is a real person here. Yeah. However, for people like Danielle and I,

I will often do something really fucking stupid but I'm the only one there. And then I go, but what if it's like the Ryan show and like lots of people saw that? And I think Tony is now having that moment where she's considering, maybe I'm an actor, maybe I'm playing the role of Ryan in the Tony show that everyone's been watching for the last few years. I hope you weren't watching before you picked me up this morning.

What happened? What happened? What happened? Is that something that people are actually worried about? Should I be more worried about that? I think you should be more worried about that. When I was a kid. What were you doing before the show this morning? No, when I was a kid.

What were you doing before the show this morning? When I was a kid, I used to think that maybe I was in a video game and I would do really erratic things to see if, like, I could trick the game. So in the Truman Show, he'll, like, go to indicate left so they, like, start preparing the cameras to the left but then go right and see if he can, like, catch. Because when he starts to figure out, like, something's not right.

Does he? Well, he goes, like, something doesn't make sense here. Every time I try to leave the country, the airport's closed. Every time I want to drive out into the woods, the roads are closed or something. So he tries to catch him out. And so I think what Danielle's saying, she has that moment where she's trying to glitch the matrix. Yes. Yeah, I've definitely had that. Yeah. So what were you doing this morning though? Next normal or nah? Just don't say it out loud. Just mouth it to me. Oh, yeah, I could have guessed that.

Normal or nah? This is from Paul. FaceTiming on a bus. Nah. Why is that? FaceTiming in public, talking on speakerphone in public, talking on the phone in public, like especially like on a bus or on a tram or on a train or something, I fucking hate it.

I just find it just so fucking annoying. The other day someone I follow on Instagram recorded an Instagram story on a tram. Who was that? Adam. They need to be shamed. It was a mate of ours who's just started a podcast. That could be anyone.

It's Bags. He recorded an Instagram story and he was on the tram. There's like people walking past him. That's Brave from Bags. Yeah. And it's him like, oh, yeah, listen to my new podcast, whatever. And I was just like, bro, are you a fucking sociopath? Path?

Well, he can reply. He listens to this show. Yeah, I know. Bags. Yeah. Respond. Are you a sociopath? Let me know.

Jump into my dance. One day, I, Ryan, am calling Tony Lodge. And Tony answers the phone and goes, hello, what's going on? Can I call you back later? And I was like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm on the tram. I'll have to call you back. And I was like, okay.

And I get it. I was like, hey, mate, you're on a tram. We're just shooting the breeze. I don't want to be that asshole. You don't want to be that asshole. No. Where I'm like, oh, yeah, then I'll pick you up at 8 o'clock. That can all be done by text.

So later in the day, Tony and I are at dinner and I believe you were at the dentist earlier. Yes, I had been at Gorgeous Moms Dentistry on Exhibition Street. Catch the tram into there. And I said, this is pandemic. And I was like, oh, so was it many people out and about in the city? And you go, oh, mate, lockdown's still on. It was dead.

I was the only one on the tram. And I'm like, oh, because when I called you on the tram, you kind of gave the impression that I don't want to talk in front of all these people. Now, is it just like incepted into your brain that tram equals no chat? Yeah. Or were you just trying to fuck me off and go, hey, put in a text, mate. Hey, Ryan, what time tonight? Yeah, I reckon you just fucking text me that.

Hey, mate, just send it in a text because I know I'm on a tram and I actually don't like conversing with you. I don't want to talk to you. I talk to you four episodes a week, soon to be five, and I'm fucking done with you outside of those episodes. Imagine if I was on The Truman Show and it was me on an empty channel. Like, hey, man, I'm going to have to call you back. Going through a tunnel.

I'm watching you. Sitting on my couch watching the Ryan FM. All right, Lindsay Rogers, normal or nah? Not owning a vacuum cleaner. Nah. Nah, everyone's got a vacuum, bro. You need one. I just learned that my boyfriend hadn't owned a vacuum cleaner in two years.

What was he doing instead, sweeping? We'd been living in different countries and he would come and visit me and I never really went to his place, so I never really saw, you know. Yeah, fair enough. Besides, you know, the background of FaceTime, whatever. He finally decided it was time to get a vacuum because he could feel the gunk in the carpet. No, thanks.

Lindsay, I reckon long distance international relationship is good for you guys. And I reckon he can stay in whatever country he's in. Yeah. And that's come from me. I'm not a gross boy. Is that fair? Yeah, that's fair.

But I'm also not a clean freak. I would just say like in the middle of the, like just normal. It's kind of, we've talked about this before. Our houses are always like clean, but like there might be like clutter. Yeah, it's clutter. Yeah. So, but for me to go, hey, mate, come on. That's a lot.

Oh, she's hanging up on him on FaceTime, that's for sure. Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm vacuuming. Hey, it's Producer Cam. For your throwback episode, you are listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I want to know who's worked as a waitress before. Yeah. Or a waiter.

Or just anyone in hospitality, right? Bartender, anything. I want to know is the most awkward part of that job trying to figure out if the person has finished their meal or finished their drink? Now... Can I say something very quickly? It's awkward for everyone. I've never worked in hospo, but as

somebody who eats a lot out in public, I think it's a bit like asking someone if they're pregnant. Don't. Don't do it. Just let them tell you.

My number one rule in life, never, ever ask if someone's pregnant. Yeah, they could be crowning. Unless you can physically see a baby coming out of them. Even then, probably ask them if they need help. Don't ask if they're pregnant. You're pregnant. But that's what I mean. If you can't see that, don't ask.

And even then, they're busy. I just think you cannot. You need an – there are ways of knowing. But then there's also the other side where they're trying to like clear the table for you. They feel like they're doing you a favour. And I know – so the other night we were at a restaurant, Tony, and we had an old-fashioned.

Yep. And as you know, when there's like a cocktail with a lot of ice in it and something like an old-fashioned is more of a stronger, it's not like a lot of liquid. It's only, you know, they kind of sip at it. But it's like pure booze. Yeah. And so even if there's like one sip in the bottom of the ice,

you're not done yet. It's still good. But it looks pretty empty. Yeah. And so the other night when, I don't know if you remember, I'm having dinner with Craig and Tom. They were like, oh, thanks guys. And they picked it up and I was a bit like, probably could have.

And an old fashioned, depending on where you get it from. That one sip could be worth, that's a couple of bucks. $25 sometimes in old fashioned costs. In the wrong venue. I mean, the right venue. Yeah. Depending on.. In the wrong venue. I mean, or the right venue. Yeah, depending on. That old-fashioned actually wasn't even that good. No.

I would know because I didn't finish it. Oh. I don't know. Is it an Australian thing or is this just global manners with a meal that when you're done, you place your knife and fork next to each other? Together, yeah. And like facing sort of back towards at you? Is that the kind of vibe?

Yeah. And if you have your, I don't want to say splayed across, but if you've got the knife and fork kind of, you know, like clearly open for business, then I'm not done. Is that an Australian thing or is that just global manners? No, I think that that's global manners because it's the same like in Japan, like the way that you have your chopsticks kind of indicates whether you're finished or not. Together, done, open, not.

And also like normally if you're finished something, depending on where you're eating obviously, but sometimes if you've got like a napkin or whatever, if the napkin's on the plate, it's done. That's obviously done. It's done. They've written it off. Throw a napkin on it.

But if there's still a bit of food and your knife and fork aren't, you know, in the final position. So Tony was here for this moment and I don't know if you saw what I saw at the end of it, but we were out for breakfast the other morning. People might have seen Tony spill stuff all over herself. Yeah. So I had the baked eggs, right, and I love a baked egg, so it's got like the tomato-y juiciness and stuff in there.

And it's in the other like griddle pan. So it's got the bread on the side or whatever, but the actual like baked thing is like its own dish. It's in a little pan. Yeah. And because the pan's got a lip to kind of hold it all in. Yes. So from the direction the waitress is facing me,

she can't see that of the two or three baked eggs in the dish, I've still got a whole egg left and it's right up in the corner of the dish. So as she's looking at it from her angle, she probably can't see over the lip and see I've got a full egg left. So she comes over. There was another clue. You still had a half a bread.

And half a bread and an egg to go. Yeah. Tony, you'd finished up your breakfast. So she comes over. I just had eggs on toast, so it was, like, very clear that I was finished. Done, yep, empty plate. She walks over and grabs Tony's dish.

Can I take that for you? Yep. I said, yes, thank you so much. It was lovely. So she grabs Tony's dish. Then she just grabs my dish. Yep, she took my yes as a... A yes, as a global yes of the table. An inclusive yes, we're done.

But it was an exclusive yes, I'm done. So she picks up, and again, I mean, baked eggs at a breakfast place. What are we talking? That's $25. You could buy 90% of an old-fashioned for that. Which is all you get to drink anyway. Yeah. And so she's picked it up, and from her angle,

it would have looked pretty empty, and she turned around and took two steps, and then she just froze. Yeah. She stopped because I reckon she's looked down and gone, there's a whole fucking egg there. Yep. And I didn't even, and I saw, well, I'm assuming, but I reckon this is what I saw.

Yeah. I saw her brain go, do I go back? Or is it too late? I've taken three steps. I've turned my back. I've committed. And maybe I'll just pretend like I haven't, but I'm watching this whole conversation in her mind go.

Yeah. If you were a waitress, and I know you would never get in this situation because you would have asked 57 times, are you sure you're finished? Are you sure I can leave it here? You want me to take it? But I can leave it. No, please take it. Fuck it.

Am I wrong? No, I wouldn't because I don't want to bother anyone. But I'd wait until they'd given me the signal. A clear indication. Yeah. All right. So this is why it's unrelatable content. Yes.

But if you two steps later had realised. I'd go, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you still eating that? Actually, no, I wouldn't. I'd walk off. That's a lie. That is a cold-faced lie. All right, and now let me put this.

Sorry, I think the expression is bold-faced lie. Please no one at me for that. No, I like it. Both appropriate. And now here's another scenario. Let me flip it. By the way liked it. Both appropriate. And now here's another scenario. Let me flip it. If she, by the way, she just walked off. She, yeah.

She committed. So as soon as I saw her pick up Ryan's plate, I realised what was happening. So I looked the other direction and was trying not to laugh because I also knew that neither of us were ballsy enough to go, oh, sorry, mate, like I'm actually still going. Yeah, and we were both like, thank you. So I looked away and I'm like looking past Ryan because I knew that,

yeah, because I knew that I'd start laughing and then obviously she's doing the stop and, yeah. Okay, so in the scenario, would you have turned around? You have said, no, you'd be too embarrassed, you'd just come in. If she had taken the two steps and gone, and then come back. Tony's about to vomit. If she came back and went, sorry, I've just taken your plate away and you hadn't finished.

Do you want me to go back and grab it? Oh, my God, no. I was done. Totally fine. There's no fucking way. Even if she hadn't taken it all the way to the kitchen. You're right there, two steps later. She's still got it in her hands and she went, oh, sorry,

were you still going? I go, oh, no, no, no, no. And then I go it in her hands and she went, oh, sorry, were you still going? I go, oh, no, no, no, no. And then I go to Macca's and get a bacon and egg McMuffin. It's been another throwback episode. This Wednesday, my darlings, of the Tony and Ryan podcast is Producer Cam. As always, we like to wrap it up with a positive thing. You love to see it. I've got one here right now Sarah Jane Lewis this is amazing because I've been a trivia host

before and I just don't know where the fuck you're getting this money from Sarah Jane Lewis says our team won $600 at trivia last night fucking what I've been a trivia host for the past year you'll be lucky to get like a hundred dollar bar card but winning $600 at trivia last night good on you. Good on your team. Hope you're getting fucked up because of it. Can't say that probably. I don't know.

I'll probably get in trouble for that. Was it a Kath and Kim Trivia night? That's what I don't know because I'd be winning $600 if I was there. Anyway, time for me to get out of here. I'm going to go to Trivia. It's Producer Cam. I'll see you tomorrow for another throwback episode

of the Tony and Ryan podcast. See you soon then. Bye.