Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: The Naked Number Two

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

TARPer Emma takes us back in time to confessions and hot messes. Love ya xCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Megan from Indianapolis, and I approve this podcast. Hey, it's Megan here. Today we're throwing it back to some of the best moments of Tony and Ryan for 2023. The guys are on holiday at the moment, but we'll be back before you know it with some brand new episodes for 2024. Today, we're going to be taking it back to Tony and her harrowing hotel bathroom experience. But first up, one of our most scandalous confessions.

This is Top Confessions. I actually just saw this one on the internet. I heard my neighbour moaning one morning and it was hot and I started wanking while I was listening to her. I found out later that the girl was out of town and I was actually just wanking to the sound of a pigeon. Yeah, about that. That's what a pigeon sounds like.

What would a sexy moan sound like? People have asked me to pull back on the sexy moans, haven't they? They're not similar. That's not the same thing. As a pigeon. But thanks for confessing nonetheless. All right, this is a sexy pigeon. That is a sexy pigeon.

Yeah. You are a sexy pigeon. Thank you. You can fly over and shit on my roof. You can sit in my nest. You can keep my eggs warm. You can- The confessor is not going to be the- You can throw up into my mouth.

You can ruffle my feathers. You can steal my shiny things. You can use your twigs to build my nest and hair and spit. You know how birds use like hair and spit and stuff for a nest? If you don't stop then the confessor isn't going to be the only one wanking off to the thought of a pigeon. But it's a pigeon with my face. Yeah.

We will make a video and that's what it will be. Write that down, everyone. Here's a confession from a tarpa. And again, this is people that listen to our podcast. So, we have a brand new page on our website at www.tonynryan.com slash pages slash confessions, I think is the website. And it is fully anonymous. So you can put anything you want in there, if you know what I mean.

And we don't know who it was. It's like a glory hole. Forgive me, Tapa, for I have sinned. I think I've killed an old lady. Yeah. No, please. I need a moment. What?

What? Yep. This has been on my mind and conscious for years, and I still feel horrible about it. Years? Okay. Judgment-free zone. Sure.

Okay. So I'm just going to try and pull back the, pare back my, I really can't. I mean, killing old ladies is a thing worthy of being, you know, you're allowed to have your emotions. Yeah, but this person has trusted us with their confession, but years. Okay. No one in the world knows about this except one other person

who was there in the moment, and they've sworn each other to secrecy but the tarpa has just said it's just been on my conscience and i just i just need to tell someone because it's eating me up inside and i feel awful pause who would you trust in that moment say some shit went down and like who would you who would you pick to be by your side that you know like would never spill torps torps is actually a, like, would never spill? Torbz. Torbz is actually a great person. He would never say anything. Yeah, he's a fucking lockbox, that guy.

He actually is. Yeah, who would you? Would you tell me? The only reason I wouldn't tell. So, Torbz would obviously be my number one. Yeah. Only because he'd probably likely be there if something was going down. Yeah.

The only reason I wouldn't do you, and it's not because I don't fucking trust you with my life because I absolutely do, love you like a brother. I think that's very clear. Don't say it like a brother. Yeah, brothers don't fuck each other. Sorry. This is supposed to be a beautiful moment.

Okay, it's supposed to be a beautiful moment. The only reason I wouldn't do you is because we talk, like, in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people for a living. Yeah. I feel like we wouldn't be able to resist the urge of going like, oh, so the other day I was driving down the highway. Remember that time we were driving down the highway? Anyway.

Don't mention the time I killed the guy. Yeah. So that's where I think that maybe that we would become unravelled. I think I would never ever say, but I would threaten to say all the guy. Yeah. So, that's where I think that maybe that we would become unravelled. I think I would never ever say, but I would threaten to say all the time. Yeah. And so, I wouldn't be able to live with that stress. Like, I can't live with that. Yeah.

No, I'm with you. I'm not offended at all. Yeah. So, I feel like, but I like that Torbs was your first. Do you like Torbs? Do you like him? Yeah. Do you actually, like, would you ever, like, hang out with Torbs, like, without me?

Like, because I've hung out with your wife heaps. Me and my wife work together. But we've, like, would you ever, like, hang out with Torbs, like, without me? Like, because I've hung out with your wife heaps. Me and my wife work together. But we've, like, gone out for dinner and stuff. Remember that time you guys drunk called me and were like, can you pick us up? We're way straight at the wine bar. And it was 5.30 on a Wednesday. Yeah.

I do remember. Well, barely. In the afternoon. Yeah. Would you hang out with Torbs a lot? We could go to kebab. Yeah, I'd hang out with her. Would you?

Are you trying to set up a date? No, I'm just like. Me and Torbs hang out all the time. But just the way that just then you, like, so confidently said Torbs a lot? We could go to kebab. Yeah, I'd hang out with Torbs. Would you? Are you trying to set up a date? No, I'm just like. Me and Torbs hang out all the time. But just the way that just then you like so confidently said Torbs. Well, you know how when I'm at your house and then you're like, oh, I've got to go to the bathroom, I've had a coffee and you go on for half an hour. Yeah. Like me and Torbs are hanging out there. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, you'd pick Torbs. This person has their friend, they're sworn to secrecy. Well, it's not a friend, it was a colleague and let me explain. I was working as an assistant nurse and

we were down on staff. So, myself and a qualified nurse were giving like bed baths, like helping the- Like a sponge bath. Yeah. And it's a very older lady who's in the final moment, you know, stages of life. Yeah. I was washing this one old lady when I rolled her towards me and completely pulled her shoulder out of its socket. Oh, my God. And, I mean, that kind of stuff would happen a lot, right?

But the tarpa explains, I'd been completely overworked, highly stressed, and I just panicked and I saw her in pain. I didn't know what to do. What would you do? Fuck. Oh, my God. It's late at night. There's not many people around.

There's you and another nurse. You're stressed. You don't know what to do. You're instant like, what do I do? I mean, if you can pop a shoulder out, you can pop it back in, right? So she popped the shoulder straight back in. Especially, you're like, surely that is what you would do. She popped the shoulder in and the lady died within the hour.

Now, a dislocated shoulder. Like, I've had three shoulder reconstructions. Yeah. You got a fucking gnarly scar from them. Got a couple, yeah. It's the most excruciating pain you can ever experience. Really? It is so painful.

Like the ball comes out of its socket. Yeah. And it's like bones scratching other bones on the inside and it's like sharp and you're trying to like get it back in the socket. So, that was going to be my question. What about it hurts? So. And your arm's heavy.

Like, you know, when you've got a dead arm, you can like feel it. So, it's also just that the weight of your arm like not being in the right spot fucking hell so the lady rolls over her arms falls out of her socket she's in excruciating pain she doesn't know what to do she pops it back in and then the lady dies so let me continue reading now i'm not saying the dislocated shoulder is fatal uh or that i should be trialed for murder uh the nurse and i triple checked that her dislocated shoulder and her death had nothing to do with each other. But to this day, myself and the nurse and the lady

are the only people who know about the situation. The lady's not going to say anything. The family came in and they were like, oh, was she at peace? And I went, yep. Even though all I could remember was holding her limp arm that was temporarily unattached to her body while she was screaming in pain. Not a single person knows about this and the other nurse has done everything in her power to keep it that way. And I've never told a living soul, but it's been eating me up inside. And then I decided I needed to tell someone, and that's why I'm anonymously messaging the Tony and Ryan podcast.

Fuck, that's heavy, eh? And I'm actually here to tell Anonymous Tapa that she doesn't have to be worried because let me give you some insight. And I don't know if this is a weird thing to say. Yeah. Because she thinks, oh, you know, she died in extreme pain and blah, blah, blah. Having dislocated her shoulder, like I said, it's the most extreme pain ever. You know what the greatest physical thing I've like ever experienced in my life?

What? It's the feeling of the shoulder going back in. Because your body is like adrenaline sending these like nerve twitches like your whole body's like in shock like i remember when i did it once i was like i could barely walk because i was just like my body was spasming but then when it goes in it's like this strange like satisfaction yeah but like it's like a beautiful calm imagine scratching an itch times a million you know and then the adrenaline just like it almost like it washes off you and you'll never be more calm and relaxed and in peace

than that feeling so when she goes oh she died in pain i go actually nah she probably didn't it's the opposite and it's maybe not something you need to feel bad about for five years and hold on to. Yeah, I think that they didn't do anything malicious. No. Like the two people that we're talking about here, they didn't kill someone. No. They didn't, you know, give her the wrong medicine or, you know,

like there's a lot of things that could go wrong as a nurse, right, that if you are overworked and understaffed and stuff. I don't think you need to feel bad about that. Was there – you probably don't know this, but like just going through my mind at the moment is like was there anything else that could have – like was the woman already kind of dying from something else? I've left a few details out, but the ward she was,

the old lady was in. It was like palliative care. It was towards the end of her life. Right, okay. So it was sort of if it wasn't today, it might have been tomorrow kind of. Right. So. No, I don't think I can understand why you feel really scared about that.

Yeah. And I think it was nice of them to tell the family like she was at, even though at the time she wasn't really sure because, like, the family, like, this is awful, but at that time, it doesn't make any difference to this lovely old lady, but the family, like, they live forever thinking about when their mum or grandma passed away. So, I think it was not that, you know.

But, like, legally, don't they have to write write down so we're not we are not we don't know who this type of like we're not defending anyone we're just talking about this you've got a u-turn no just because I don't want anyone to be like oh well that's okay I don't think she's done anything wrong what about this well actually

I don't know who it is but like but legally don't you need to like wouldn't you need to like cite that that had happened or if I'd no time for paperwork in there I don't know who it is. But, like, legally, don't you need to, like, wouldn't you need to, like, cite that that had happened or? If I'd. No time for paperwork in there? I don't know. I'm guessing if you pulled someone's arm out of its socket, you'd probably mention that song.

But I could also 100% appreciate not wanting to. Question. God forbid. Yeah. This is your family member, right? Yep. God forbid this is your family member, right? Yep.

Would you rather know that that had happened or would you rather not know? Well, the family I asked, the nurse, was she at peace? Yep. And so what's the alternative? Actually, no. She had a horrible death and her arm was laying on the floor. Yeah. Don't lie to me. was laying on the floor. Yeah. Don't lie to me.

Yeah, lie to me. Yeah. I feel like exactly what I said. I think that that's the right thing to do by the family. If it had been something more serious, then obviously, like, legally, like, you fucking have to say something. But I think, yeah, I really feel bad for the woman, but I feel bad for the tapper who's confessed this anonymously. Well, it's a big weight to be – sorry, how I've been.

Sorry, anonymously. Sorry, that was a fucking struggle. I'm very – I'm really taken aback. And I don't really know what to say because there's obviously, like, legal implications of these kinds of things, like, happening slash going wrong, but – I can – is there – and you don't have to say what it is and it obviously won't be as significant as this but is there like anything that has been a

weight on your shoulders for like a long time that might not have need to have been and it wasn't a big deal but just something that just pops up in your memory annoyingly from time to time. I parked my car in a really shit spot and ended up, like, crashing in a car park, like, when I was really young. And it's just like I backed into a thing and I was just, like, so dumb because I parked in the weird – and I just was really new to driving. Yeah. And still I'll, like, think about it and just cringe. Yeah, right.

How old am I? 35. 17 years ago. Fuck. And I'll just go, oh, fuck, that was dumb. I should have just it and just cringe. Yeah, right. How old am I? 35. 17 years ago. Fuck. And I'll just go, oh, fuck, that was dumb. I should have just gone the other way. Yeah. And it's just this dumb weight that I always go, oh, what have I?

I've definitely done dumb stuff. Like I'm not going to fucking say that I haven't. I've also, you know, like backed into a bollard in a fucking car park. Remember the first time you met my mum and you drove into the tree in the driveway? Yeah, drove into the tree in her house, yeah. In my old car, obviously. Not my new one. Mate, you would have burned that tree down.

How dare you touch my outing? Fuck off. The thing about me is I actually can't hold on to stuff because it makes me physically sick. Yeah. So, if something bothers me, it festers and I actually can't live my life. Do you think that's maybe why this tarp has gone on? I just need to say someone.

Yeah. It's been festering. Because, so, even like, even, yeah, something as small as, yeah, driving into something, I'd get home and go, Mum, I did something really stupid. And, like, you know, it would be easy to, like, not tell her or whatever, but I just needed to, like, say it. And so, to answer your question, do I have anything like that? I've obviously done dumb shit, but there's nothing that I haven't been

truthful about or, like, shared with somebody or whatever because I actually, I get physically ill if I lie and if I, you know, I just can't hang on to stuff. TonyandRyan.com.au. Look for the confessions button. Yeah. Keep them coming. Lost arms and jizzing on pigeons. Bit of a U-turn between the two, wasn't it?

Yeah, a bit light and shade. Hey, it's Megan from Indianapolis Bit of a U-turn between the two, wasn't it? Yeah, a bit of a light and shade. Hey, it's Megan from Indianapolis, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. So I went to Sydney last week, and I signed 3,028 books. How was that? Insane. It was insane. Like, did you have a sore hand?

Like, did you actually have a sore hand? It was so painful. Yeah. So it was, like, all, like, my forearms because from, like, the repetitiveness of the holding the book open, signing it and then moving it on. And, you know, we hold a pen and it kind of rests on like between you. But, you know, when you're holding a pen and it kind of.

You didn't have a pen. Huh? Yeah, last week. You look great. Thank you. Thank you so much. Now put them down and stop fingering. Sorry.

Anyway, yeah, it was actually quite painful, but it was really good. They said that I was like the fastest signer they'd ever had. They've never said that to anyone. No. So it's pretty impressive. Anyway, so we are travelling heaps and I'm not a very good traveller because I just like being at home. I like being in my own bed.

I like having Pippi at home with me, like being with Torbs, everything. And when you're at home, you don't have a hard deadline of when a gate opens or when doors close or what time you're supposed to arrive. Yeah. The news on TV at home doesn't get delayed by some weather event. No. It's on at six. You know that everything's just on.

It's got its place. You know where everything is. I'm the same. And we were talking about this off air, like just to each other, that when you and I travel, we can just book it. So we go, oh, we need to do something, literally, you and I just book it because it's just the two of us, right? But because I was going for a book trip with my publishing house, they booked everything for me.

And it was kind of like it was a lot of back and forth, but it was also like, oh, I'm a fancy girl. They're booking everything for me. And they're like, oh, Miss Lodge, this will be at this time and someone will come and pick you up here and whatever. And that sounds great. But as someone who likes to know exactly where I'm going, likes everything to be just so, I'd actually rather take care

of it myself, you know? So one thing I learned early about you is that when I go, oh, don't worry about it, it's all taken care of, you will worry about it because you need to know. Because in my head that's a question mark. Yeah, it's not a full stop. It's not a tick. It's a question mark.

And so when they go, oh, Tony, we've organised everything. You don't need to worry about it. That's not how you make Tony relax. No, it isn't. You send a 57-page document with a minute-by-minute playbook. Yes, and also it's the same as like if you say to me, this is organised, I've got X, Y and Z, that's a tick. Yeah.

But you going, it's taken care of is just nothing to me. I'm like, that's still like unfinished. Yeah. Anyway, so I was supposed to be flying up to Sydney and they had all this really bad, crazy weather. It was really humid and really fucked and whatever. So my flight out of Melbourne got delayed probably three or four times. And then when I finally got on the plane, they were like, oh, my God,

it's going to be delayed again. So it's just a fucking whole thing. So I had dinner planned. So I flied out, flied out. I flew out Thursday afternoon and I was supposed to meet all the people from my, like, publishing and publicity team from Allen and Unwin for my book for dinner at 7. They pushed our plane back, pushed our plane back,

pushed our plane back. All of a sudden I'm meeting them for dinner at 8pm and I had to go straight from the airport to dinner. I get off the plane in Sydney. It's humid as fuck. My hair is huge. You've been stressing all day. I've been sitting in the fucking airport for three hours trying

to fucking get around like such a pain in the ass. Anyway, and I'm like, cool, I'm going to meet them for dinner. And I was really excited to meet everybody because I hadn't met them in person. There's those people that you've probably spoke to on email and Zoom and fucking whatever, but you never actually got to. But I hadn't sat down with them. And so I fucking, I trotted off to dinner.

I got a taxi straight there. I've got my luggage. I'm steamed from the day. Like I'm just fucked. And it's so fucking hot. And we're sitting in this restaurant. It's one of those cool, like lofty, warehouse-y restaurants. And you know what warehouse slash lofty equals?

No air con because the roofs are so high, right? Yeah. So there's no fucking air con. It's fucking boiling. We're sitting there and as soon as I saw them, I was like, oh, my God, so great to see you. We ate all this delicious food. We're sitting there and as soon as I saw them, I was like, oh, my God, so great to see you. We ate all this delicious food. We were drinking cocktails and whatever.

But because I didn't meet them until so late, we didn't finish dinner until like 11 o'clock. I go to bed at like 9.30 or 10. Right. So it's a big girls' night out on a weeknight. It's a girls' night out. And how much do you drink? Because you're also not a massive drinker.

I probably had three cocktails. Fuck. So when Tony has, I'm going to say two-thirds to three-quarters of a cocktail, any ones. Yeah, half of one. I'm like, my legs get hot. A sniff of gin? Yep. Fucking take me home.

Yeah. So I'm eating and I'm drinking and being fabulous, whatever. And I was like, fuck, it's like 11 o'clock. I've got to get back to the hotel because we've got a massive day tomorrow. I've got to sign fucking 3,000 books. Anyway, so they book me an Uber and they pop me in the thing and I go back to the hotel. I walk into the hotel and there's one person working on reception

but like five people waiting to check in. At 11 o'clock? At 11 p.m. So I don't know whether- Where have you guys been all day? Probably doing the same as me. Got delayed in their flights. You also would have been in a restaurant drinking booze.

Yeah. Oh, I saw you guys at the table next to us. We should have shared a cab. Now, after a long, stressful day and some cocktails, are you a bit like slurring your voice or are you more like agitated and a bit anxious and a bit like get this done? Or are you chatting to the people like, hey, man, how are you fucking going?

I'm fucking published off. I'm going to sign 3,000 books tomorrow. What are you doing in town? I'm kind of like fast game's a good game. Like I just kind of wanted to get in. I've had enough of today? Yeah, I was just a bit over it. I was really tired.

And anyway, so I'm standing in this line for probably 15 minutes because you know everyone's got a different issue, right? You know what I mean. Has the email come through from the booking whatif.com? Yes. Oh, I ordered at this room. Oh, it's XYZ, but you've got ZYX. Like, what's the problem?

Yeah, 100%. Oh, yeah, it's 9 minutes. And then everybody goes, oh, any chance of an upgrade? You know, everyone's trying to do the same sly thing. And they have to do the speech. Yep, so on the third floor is the restaurant, and if you go through here, then you can do this. The lifts are to the right and fucking, yeah. And they have to do the speech. Yep, so on the third floor is the restaurant and if you go through here. Yes.

The lifts are to the right and fucking, yeah. Press nine for this. If you need any ice, it's on the fucking this, on the whatever. Anyway, and I get to the front of the line finally. I fucking like my hair is massive. Like it's so fucking humid. And he goes, what name's the reservation over under? And I go, Tony Lodge.

And he goes, nothing under Lodge. And under? And I go, ah, Tony Lodge. And he goes, hmm, nothing under Lodge. And I was like, oh, it might be. Felicia? It might be under Blah from the publishing house. And he goes, mm-mm. And I go, Alan and Unwin? Mm-mm. And I go, oh, another name?

And he goes, mm-mm. And I was like, fuck. And he goes, do you have your booking reference? Do you have a receipt? Yeah. What is this, the post office? He goes, do you have your booking reference? I was like, oh, yeah, I've got the email here.

I opened the email and realised immediately that my hotel had been booked for the Thursday before, not the Thursday that I was there. The week before? Yeah. So it was supposed to be like the 9th of Feb and it was booked for the 7th or the 2nd or something. Oh, my God. Right?

It's fucking 20 past 11. I'm full of food. I'm full of booze. You've got a half row. My hair's huge. It's grown 15 more centimetres in the line. And I'm standing there and I was like, you're fucking kidding me. Like I'm so tired. Is it like a def're fucking kidding me. I'm so, like, I'm so tired.

Is it like a deflated, depleted, or are you like, fuck, what the fuck? Like, are you starting to panic? Well, I'm kind of like, what am I going to do? Am I sleeping on the street tonight? Yeah. And so I was like, oh, can I just pay for a room or give you my card? Yeah. And they can deal with it in the morning.

I don't want to be in a bed in six minutes. Literally. Tell me what you require. Do they have a spare room? He goes, oh, we actually might not have any rooms available. And I was like, okay, let me call the publisher. Like, let me call my work and see what the goal is. And he goes, I'm really sorry, but like.

There's people in the line. There's people in the line. I'm going to have to ask you to move to the side. Like, do not take a phone call here. And I was like, okay. So, I step out of the line and turn around and realize there's like another five people behind me. And they're cleaning out all those rooms you want. Yeah, exactly right.

So, I moved to the side. I called them. They're like, oh, my God, I'm so, so sorry. Like, what can we do, blah, blah, blah. And because I'm starting to get like a little bit anxious and a little bit stressy. You're flustered. I'm, like, sobered up but, like, I start to get a bit of a tummy ache. Oh, no.

Because I've eaten all this food, I've travelled. I'll be the same, a bit of stress, all that stuff. Yeah, just all that stuff combined. It's late at night. I was just fucking, I was ready to fucking go to bed and do some other stuff. Anyway. Oh, no. So, I join back to fucking go to bed and do some other stuff. Anyway. Oh, no.

So I joined back to the end of the line. They go, oh, we'll do a charge back form. Just get to the front of the line. Just talk to them again. I was like, I'm going to have to wait in the line again. So you went back and lined up again? I had to line up again. Did you have to?

Or was that polite to you? Well, nobody went like, come back. Oh, yeah, that's all on them. You know, no one went, oh, sorry, this woman has been in the line already, you know. Did you loiter near the front? I did for a minute and they just didn't. They like made eye contact with me but then didn't say anything. So I was like, cool, I'll just go back to that.

I feel like that's on the guy to kind of go, oh, how'd you go? Yeah. So you've lined up for another 10, 15. So I joined the line again, right? But by this time it's like 11.40 and the guy that I'd spoken to has gone on dinner or finished his shift. Oh, fuck me. Right?

Yeah. So then I've got to explain. The night shift has come on. Let me tell you, as a former night shift worker at a hotel, they're not the brightest bunch. That's where they go, fuck, this guy's a bit of a liability. Let's chuck him on the night shift. Because they probably only have to deal with like 10 people

instead of like 50. I did night shifts. I didn't speak to a single person. Oh, fuck. Well, this guy had to deal with like 10 people instead of like 50 yeah i did not i didn't speak to a single person oh fuck well this guy had to deal with me but i had to but i had to re-explain the whole situation and he goes no i can't find it literally and then i'm like okay so the person from my work is just called what's going on like i just need can you just give me a key to a room so that i can go and shit myself and have a shower like i just i just need you to fucking give me a room so that I can go and shit myself and have a shower. Like, I just need you to fucking give me a room.

Anyway, he goes, oh, not sure what we have. Scrolls for what feels like fucking 45 minutes. He goes, okay, here's your key, blah, blah, blah. I walk upstairs, open the door. I'm just so fucking thankful. But it's a room with a single bed in it. Was that? I was like, they make single beds still?

Yeah, that's fucking, I wouldn't have thought that would exist. But in a hotel, who, like, who books a room with two, like, so random. So it was just one single bed. Sorry, it was two single beds. Oh, okay, righto. But, like, so weird. Anyway, but I was like, you know what? It's fucking almost midnight.

Who the fuck cares? I'm just sleeping here. And I was waking up early the next morning for work anyway. As long as there's a toilet and a shower, like, who fucking cares? I throw all my stuff on the bed, rip my dress off, and take care of my rich food and travel tummy. I'm just glad that you made it to the room because I was getting nervous about that hotel for you, to be honest. And I, like, go to the toilet and i'm naked right because it's fucking

hot as fuck and i'm cranked the air con up my shit is everywhere just because i came i mean you like your clothes literally yeah oh yeah not my actual shit um and then my phone rings and it's the publisher and she goes oh my god is everything okay i've just spoken to the hotel and she goes oh we paid for a king room. Is that what you got? And I was like, oh, it's two single beds, but it, like, is totally fine because I'm just sleeping here and I want to go to bed literally right now. It's fine.

And she goes, oh, my God, no, I'll call them. I'm so sorry. And then a matter of minutes later, reception, she obviously calls reception, then calls me, and then she goes, they do have a king bed available and i was like honestly it's really fine she's like nope they're already on their way up to help you with your luggage and to walk you to the new room and we are but she goes she goes don't touch anything yeah yeah because they're yeah because i want to resell that one

yeah and uh what did you do when you walked in? Threw my shit everywhere, ripped my dress off, destroyed the toilet. I realise I'm that. How well ventilated was the room? Not great. Hotel rooms don't open, do they? No. So is it, okay, what am I trying to ask you without being too graphic?

If someone walks in. Yep. You know. I can't smell at the moment because of my long covid yep and i could smell it was the air would you describe the air as thick you could see it in the air and i realized though that i'm naked it stings and my shit's because i ran upstairs and like ripped everything off because I was in a rush. Like, there was a pressing fucking. It's like your suitcase spontaneously just burst open. And so I'm, like, doing the maths in my head

and starting to panic about, like, oh, my God, that's happened. I need to be dressed. My shit's over there. Like, I'm just, like, instantly my head is just exploding with new information. And then, like, there's a knock on the door. I'm so mortified. Miss Lodge?

Yeah. Oh, we're here to move your rooms. Like we're so sorry for all the inconvenience. And I'm like just mortified and the guy comes in and like. Hey, when he comes in, what are you wearing? So I like slipped my dress back on and like grabbed my, shoved everything into my handbag and just, like, kind of ran out of the thing with him.

But he was – I grabbed the key to give it. And he goes, oh, no, no, no, like, I'll come back and grab it. No, please no. And I was like, I can give it to you now. Don't come back. It's fine. Yeah, but she's like, so don't touch anything because, like, obviously. So I'm just, like, mortified.

And by the time I – they finally fucking moved me. And the guy that came and got my bag, like, mortified. And by the time they finally fucking moved me, and the guy that came and got my bag is like, this bitch again? Like, it seemed like I had been just the biggest fucking pain in the ass. Yeah, you've called the publisher and been like, can you fucking tell these guys at the hotel this isn't fucking good enough? Who makes a single bed anymore? And so I just felt like the biggest asshole. And then I had literally like destroyed

the room in the five minutes that i'd been in there because the line was always big at the front do you reckon someone else checked into that room like five minutes later well i think so but also because they were like we don't really i don't think we have any rooms and i was like we have at least two yeah because you put me in the single bed room and now you put me in a king room. But anyway, so it was just so embarrassing. And I don't really embarrass very easily. Like I can laugh most things off, but that was fucking specialist. Is it fair to say, so how scared are you of the situation in terms of would you ever go back to that hotel?

Like would you want to show your face? I probably wouldn't go back to the hotel because of what happened yeah that's what i mean yeah but not even the poo that like actually just the fact that like well we don't have any rooms i was like i'm literally willing to pay for it but then also yeah if someone recognized me they're probably like there's a again there's a photo of me and it's mad shitter but it says so rude only sleeps in a king bed. Total bitch. Very high maintenance. Very high maintenance.

The highest of maintenance. It was so fucking embarrassing. So we had this machine because I worked in a lot of hotels when I was in college and whatever. Yeah. And if people were smoking darts in the room, we had this machine that kind of, of like churned the air over. Oh, they hopefully still have those.

I reckon they probably went, oh, Carl, look at the smoke machine. Oh, someone's smoking. No, but there's a smoky hue in the air. Yeah, we're going to need it. Yeah. I felt literally the second. Someone stayed in that room. The second that she goes, like, so don't touch anything,

it was like the matrix. Like, everything just went slow and, like, the world moved, but I stayed still. Like, it was just such an intense, like, whoa. Like, it was like fucking Inception. Like, it slowed right down. It was honestly just like you cannot write that shit. You know what I mean?

Like, and then I- Well, I couldn't because I'm not an author. Thanks so much for tuning in. My You Love to See It for the holidays is spending time with friends and family and remembering all of the experiences had and memories made. Tony and Ryan will be back on Monday, January 8th. Have a great day and bye for now.