Toni and Ryan - THROWBACK: When were you wrong?

Episode Date: December 18, 2022

TARPer Royalty in the hosting chair for Toni and Ryan today: THE BIG TWIGGO is taking care of you today while we're on holidays! Thanks Big Twigg! But that won't stop me being wrong, or KAREN-ING UP! Toni and Ryan are back on deck on Jan 3! Love ya xoxo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Big Twig, South Australia's finest, and welcome to a throwback episode of the Tony and Ryan podcast. Tony and Ryan are back on January 3rd with their dumbest idea yet that's taken this hot, fun, garbage podcast to a whole new level. Can't wait to see how this turns out. Coming up today, we'll hear why Tony is banned from doing certain things in the bedroom. But first, get your managers ready

because Karen Lodge is writing some complaint letters. Enjoy. Tony Lodge, his name is Tony Lodge. Tony Lodge, you know the whole thing. I think I'm going to flip the script here because we're about to go through a few scams and daylight robbery and theft that we've been dealing with in the last few weeks.

I think I want to change this segment to be called Letters from Karen Lodge. Oh, I like that. So you know how you were like just getting angry at these people? Oh, yes. So it's as if you're Karen-ing them back. I'm Karen-ing up. Have you seen those, the new Karen diners?

Yes, in Melbourne. How you go in and they're like really rude to you and they're like, what the fuck do you want and stuff and that you're allowed to like get real sassy with them. A lot of people have sent me their TikToks and reels and stuff of those restaurants. What do you think about that? I would hate that.

And you know that I would, that is not, I would not thrive in that environment. Even if you knew in your heart that it's them doing comedy, that's the point, would you feel like they're personally attacking me? Yeah. Because I feel like you wouldn't handle that well. No, and I also wouldn't want to attack them back. I wouldn't want to be rude to them because that's the whole thing, right?

You're, like, rude to them, they're rude to you. I didn't realise you were rude back. I thought you just coughed it and laughed. Oh, I thought that it was like, you are Karen, so you're allowed to be like... All right, so imagine that it's the way I assumed it was. That they were rude to you and you were just lovely. Yeah, but then you walked in and were like,

well, fuck you right back, bitch! But the manager comes over and goes, that's actually not what we do here. So what happens is they're kind of mean to you in a funny way and then you just kind of sit there and enjoy your meal? Maybe when you walk in, they tell you the rules. That's what I need. You're just there lighting them up back and they're like,

ah, bitch, this is not what this is. Or they're like, is this part of the game? Or are you actually fucked up? Do you actually fucking hate me or is this like a we're in it together? I just don't really know. And this, oh, people probably won't like this, but I just don't really like those, like, gimmicky restaurant, like, you know, like, Witches and Britches and Draculas

and stuff like that. They're awful. I just don't. Theatre restaurants? Yeah, I just don't, again, don't think I would thrive in that environment. You know what you're saying, though? What?

The fact that you've gone on this spiel and have said out loud. Should we go? I mean, I feel like people are going to go, well, you have to go now. I really don't want to. This is actually not where I was going with this, but I don't want to go. Well, now we fucking have to.

We'll do a poll. Oh, we'll do a poll in the Patreon. Yep. Okay. And we'll ask people whether we should go to the Karen. Should we do? Don't even bother. They're just going to say yes.

Should we go yes or no? Or should we say, should we go to the Karen Diner or the Melbourne Dracula's, which is in Britches? I won't go to the Dracula's. I'm too scared. Oh, is it spooky? Have you met Dracula? Is it scary? Well, I don't want to go there. I'm not a man. Maybe if they do breakfast. I'm not going at night time.

Do you do a daylight sitting? Do you guys do one for kids? We'll come to the kids version. I don't know if you're well read, but don't vampires not come out during the day? Oh, my God. True, true, true, true, true. Yeah. Can I get the garlic bread?

I'll get a steak and shove it straight through their heart. All right. I'm guessing there'll be a poll. Actually, no, fuck it. Let's put it in the Facebook group. Facebook group. Everyone jump in. Everyone jump in.

When you hear this, the poll will be out. I'm fucking pumped we're going to go to Dracula's. No, Karen's. Karen Diner. Okay. Oh, I kind of feel like I want to go to the Dracula's now. It's in the people's hands. It's in the people's hands.

Yeah, ask the population. Letters from Karen Lodge. Did you know, someone sent this through, it makes sense now that I hear it, but my mind is blown and prepared for your mind to be blown as well. Oh. You know how there's two types of wings? There's like the little drumsticky one and then there's the one with the two things.

Which one do you like? I think everyone likes the little drumsticky one. Oh, I like the other one. Really? Yeah. All right, we'll prepare. We are a match made in heaven. We really are.

Want to come around tonight, watch the football together, have wings? Have some wangs. You can have the half that I don't like. It's like on a hot cross bun, Torbs eats the tops and I eat the bottoms. Oh, that is cute. Yeah. I mean, Torbs is the winner there, but. No fucking way.

Because then you're not getting the cross. No, I don't want the cross. I just want the soft bit on the bottom. Fuck, there's so much to unpack in this episode. Talk about this. That's cool. Put that in your fucking notes. People are going to have a field day.

notes. People are going to have a field day. One time in history, someone cut wings in half and convinced the whole world that one wing was actually two wings. Because think about it. There isn't really two types of wings. Oh, what type of chicken is that from? Oh, that's from the nuggety one.

Oh no, that's an egg wing. It's the same wing cut in half, and we've been convinced by Big Wing that it's actually two different wings. Big chicken wing. So think about it this way. Now that you think about it, of course it is, right? They cut them in half. Think of the size of an actual chicken wing when you get a full chook.

I have never thought about this before. My brain exploded. So it's actually like four wings per chicken. Which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But do you know what's actually quite sad? What? That when you get like chicken breasts for dinner, if you get two chicken breasts, it's a whole chicken.

Well, it's not because it doesn't have the wings. No, no, no. All the thighs. That's a full chicken you're eating for dinner. It's not a good area. It's not a good area. Don't make me think about that. I love wings.

I love chicken. Meat. Don't contextualise it. That's a whole bird. Okay. When you're at a restaurant and you order six wings, you're actually really getting three. Oh, what a rot.

Okay. Karen Lodge will now write a letter. I've written to the wing industry, but to Big Wing. Big Wing. What do you think about this now that you've learnt the truth? You said you didn't trust Dishwatchers. How can we ever trust Big Wing again? I am shaken.

I'm shaken to the core. So what you're telling me is that you're making money off these defenceless birds and, you know, don't shit on a cupcake and tell me it's frosting. Did you just wheeze? You just did my wheezy laugh. I've had COVID. I've got a sore throat.

What you're telling me is... Shit on a cupcake. Don't piss on me and tell me it's raining. The thing with this is should that make them cheaper? Yes. I was looking on Uber Eats last night. Highway robbery. That's a whole other thing because they add $75 per item compared to what it costs on the menu in the store.

I'm paying for the equivalent, so six wings, I'm paying for three chickens. I'm not getting three chickens. No. You're getting a bunch of little offcuts, which is all they are really. Offcuts with chilli spice. And because I only like the wingy part. You like the drumsticky part, but I like the wingy part.

So there's like a 50-50 chance that I'm only going to get half of what I actually want. So for the cost of three chickens, you're getting two little thingamathingers. Maybe. If you're lucky. Yeah. Dear big chicken, fuck you. Correct.

Big wing. Big wing. This has been a popular one in the, well, not popular, I mean a frequently mentioned unpopular thing that happens. What? Companies that offer free trials, free trials that automatically rolls into a paid subscription. Fuck right off.

How many of these are you paying for each month, Tony? I actually have to check my, you know how in the Apple Pay thing, like it comes up with your subscriptions? Yep. I check that regularly to make sure I haven't like signed up to something and I'm still paying for it. That's very great. That's a good tip.

Thank you. Yeah, it's good life admin to get in the hang of. That actually doesn't fuck me off that much. Really? Nah. I would be more than happy with, which I think this is fair, say you get a 14-day free trial. On day 13, you get a 14-day free trial.

On day 13, you get this nice email that's like, hey, I hope you've enjoyed the last two weeks. Yep. Here's what we're prepared to offer to maybe get you on for three months or 12 months. But for them to just assume that you're going to just waltz on in. If you need a credit card for a free trial, it's not a free trial. But it is because you can cancel it any time. I have to cancel it.

So now you're making me doing free labour. So you don't want to be responsible for your own money. You don't want to take control of your finances. Is that what I'm hearing? No, what you're hearing is I thought I already was. But apparently you're in control now until I take that back. Can I say something? I'm answering your podcast.

I think that this letter should come from Karen Dunn. Karen John. Karen John Dunn. Karen John Dunn. Karen Jonathan Dunn. Because this doesn't really find me. Dear companies that automatically subscribe you after a free trial. Dear big trial. Dear big trial.

If I just want to watch one particular sporting game and then figure out that you've got a 14-day free trial going, boy, do I feel like I've pulled off a fucking win here because I'm going to watch that free sporting game for free. What I'm not expecting is in 30 days to get a notification of Apple saying, oh, your free trial's ended and we've just docked you $99 for three months' worth. For the whole year or whatever?

Yeah, I wanted to watch one cricket game. I'm not interested in continuing my subscription to watch Punjabi MC versus whatever in the Indian Premier League. I just wanted to watch that one cricket game one time and wanted to steal from you. And now you're stealing from me. Oh. Yours sincerely, Karen Jonathan Dunn.

Karen Jonathan Dunn. All right, finally. And this is something I've had personal experience with on both sides of the coin. Let me just put that out there up front. Not getting an entry-level job because you don't have the right amount of experience. Not getting an entry-level job because you don't have

enough experience. This fucks me right completely the fuck off. Whoa. Yeah. Karen and Jonathan are here or whatever we fucking named ourselves. It is so ridiculous. Oh, would you like this entry-level job? Oh, but you have to have six years experience.

Oh, it's basically, you know, it's an entry-level job, oh, but you have to have six years experience. Oh, it's basically, you know, it's an entry-level job. It's just so you can, like, learn the tricks of the trade, learn the ropes, whatever. Oh, but you have to have commercial experience. I'm not coming straight out of uni with three years of commercial experience. No. I've got three years experience, but it's at uni.

Why doesn't that count? That's a great point. I've experienced learning all this stuff. But it's at uni. Why doesn't that count? That's a great point. I've experienced learning all this stuff. But it's just not for another business, which is probably a competitor. Wouldn't you rather pick me right out and get me straight away? If I found myself in a position where I didn't have experience but I was needing a job, you know what I would type

into a search engine? Entry level job. Because I am entering. This level of the job. I'm entering the industry. I don't have any experience. But what a great opportunity for you as a company to get someone who's fresh out of uni, full of enthusiasm.

Yes. They've got passion for what they're doing. They're not marred either way. They don't have any, like, fucking. Baggage. Yes. They don't have any, well, at my old company, we used to do it this way.

And how much does that fuck you off when you work with people that... Oh, fuck off. Oh, well, I used to work at this place and this is what we're doing. What a great opportunity to mould this young, passionate person. They're a beautiful, young sponge. Too far. Sorry. All right, we've found the level.

Yeah, OK, that's the line and that's fine. Hey, when I worked at National Australia Bank... Sorry. All right, we've found the level. Yeah, okay, that's the line and that's fine. Hey, when I worked at National Australia Bank. Oh, well, that's not how we did it at National Australia Bank. I was working at National Australia Bank while I was at uni. Oh, like a grad job? No. Oh.

Because this is, I'm trying to. Oh. I took the job, so when I did graduate, which sounds so dumb, when I graduate, I would have had, and I did have a few years experience, which, and you know why I needed the experience? Because you knew that you wouldn't get the job when you'd finished uni because I'd go, oh, well, you haven't got any experience. Sorry, I've actually committed the last four fucking years of my life full time to learning how to do this fucking prick of a job.

And now you won't even fucking hire me. I knew I wouldn't get an entry level job if I was just entering the industry. So I got two years experience at National Australia Bank. So how did you get the job that was lower than the entry level job that you didn't have the experience for? It was very, like the bottom of the rank kind of, you know, it's a very low entry job. And I started kind of part-time over summer when they needed some help or whatever just knowing that the words the words National Australia Bank would be on my resume literally no other because I'm kind of like well I don't want to be one of those people that graduates uni and yeah has no options and because I didn't I'm not this as I mean all jokes aside we've joked about I'm not like a very uh academic

good at reading like I don't I'm not, like, a very academic, good at reading. Like, I'm not an A-plus student. Yeah. You know, I do all right. You work very hard, though. I work hard, but I'm not uber smart at that stuff. So for me to, you know, get through with some Bs is great. Yeah.

But I'm not coming in hot A-pluses from the best uni, taking my pick of jobs. I've got to, like, do a shit job at NAB for two years. Yeah, to try and. So it looks like I know what I'm talking about. But also, then you go into this entry-level job, they don't pay you that much because it's a junior position, which is totally fine.

That's how you fucking. My first job in radio I made $40,000 a year. Like there is no me going. That's Australian dollars, by the way, for people playing along in the US. $40,000 Australian dollars a year, including super. And rent in Australia is about $70,000 a year. Like, so, you know, when you add those up, it doesn't fucking compute.

I couldn't work at NAB because I was like, that doesn't make sense. We can't have you here. But then, so, I'm not the person that's like, oh, I won't work for less than $150,000 a year or anything. I fucking slummed it. I did those early entry-level jobs. You get paid like shit and they go, oh, we don't have any experience.

You go, well, fucking hell. I'm trying to cut my teeth. What do you fucking call this? This is me trying to get experience. This is the experience that I need to then move on and get paid more money and do more exciting stuff or work in a bigger city. Fucking dear big job. You're a big job.

I'll give you a big job. Okay, I think from that comment and just the last six minutes in general, let's get a cup of tea. Yep. Let's take a breath. Let's calm down. Let's calm down. I'm so angry.

Yeah. Hey, this is The Big Twig, the best thing to come out of South Australia since Farmers Union iced coffee, and you're listening to a throwback episode of Tony and Ryan. Now, you've been mentioning that you're single and I'm sure people are wondering what has happened to the heir of the Torbjorn fortune, what has happened to Winnie the Pooh? We are in the best relationship in the world. Been doing it for eight, together for seven.

What has gone on? Okay. You guys taking a break? Torbs is away. He's just away. What do you mean he's away? He gets back in two days. How. You guys taking a break? Torbs is away. He's just away. What do you mean he's away? He gets back in two days. How long has he been gone for?

One. So he's been gone for three days. Yeah. In total. Yeah. And you are in meltdown slash car bland and just not coping. This makes me sound really codependent and, like, really desperate. It's as if you haven't been shopping on your own for six years.

I haven't. Like, the thing is, is that we. It makes me sound codependent. We run a tight ship, as in, like, we both contribute things to. What do you contribute? Jokes. Laughs. Good times. So do you contribute? Jokes. Laughs. Good times.

So he gets the food. Yep. He cooks the food. Yep. He does half the cleaning. Yep. And you tell the jokes? I always fold the washing.

That's a lie. I don't always fold the washing. He does a lot of stuff around the house. It sounds like it. He does. I am like the admin team of the house though. Okay. So like I organise paying the bills. I do like it. He does. I am like the admin team of the house though. Okay. So like I organise paying the bills.

I do like the rent stuff. The rent stuff, you set up a direct debit once a year ago and it pays itself every week. And like if there's a problem with the house, I'm like I will email the real estate. Okay. You know, like I am on the front line of the relationship. I make the calls. Like I'm the caller. You know how in your relationship you're the caller? Yep. You're the person that talks on the relationship. I make the calls. Like I'm the caller. You know how in your relationship you're the caller?

Yep. You're the person that talks on the phone. I organise stuff and I do all the admin. Torbs does like the more practical stuff, especially lately. He has been a fucking godsend because I am so busy. Yeah, just the last, you know, seven, eight years, he's really been doing the lion's share. I've been so busy.

He does a lot. He looks out. He's the best. He's honestly the best. He looks after me very, very well. And just before he left, actually, he was in a bit of a flap. And I was fucking jealous because he got to use our fancy new luggage before I did. Oh, with the wheels on it.

Yeah, he got to take it. And he was like, oh, look at me. Anyway, and just before he left, this is a side note, just before he left he was having a shower and like washing his hair and he got conditioner in his eye, shampoo in his eye or something and he like freaked out and he knocked everything off of the shelf in the bathroom because I brush my teeth in the shower and like there was like a razor and like face wash

and like all this stuff and he picks up that everything was on the ground and he goes, oh, my God, and I run in to make sure he's okay and he picked up my razor and my face cleaner but my toothbrush was on the ground and he goes, oh, my God, and I run in to make sure he's okay. And he picked up my razor and my face cleaner, but my toothbrush was on the ground in the shower. And I was like, okay, I would have preferred you picked that up first than like literally anything else. So in his moment of need, you're just in there telling him what to do. Well, my fucking toothbrush was on the ground.

Anyway, he picks it up and rubs it on his arm. He goes, all good, and puts it back on the thing. What the fuck? Now I need to buy a new toothbrush head. I have to do that when I go do my food shopping. First of all, let's just all take a deep breath. It sounds like you've been through a traumatic experience. I have.

Where Torbs, let me get, and tell me if I've got this wrong. A traumatic experience where your partner has knocked something off a ledge and then picked it up and put it back. Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah, but heaps of stuff was on the ground. Yeah, and he picked it up and put it back. But my toothbrush was're talking about here? Yeah, but heaps of stuff was on the ground. Yeah, and he picked it up and put it back. But my toothbrush was on the ground for ages. So the issue here is?

That my toothbrush was on the ground for ages. How long? What, like 45 seconds? And then he just rubbed it on his arm and put it back on the shelf. That's fucked. Anyway, that's actually not what I want to talk about. My question is when was your partner right? What was?

So I have talked about this a few times that I love to have a coffee in bed and I'm not allowed to because I'm too clumsy. And Torb says, sweetie. You're just going to spill it. You're just going to spill it. Don't have a coffee in bed. I'm not allowed to spill it. You're just going to spill it. Don't have a coffee in bed. I'm not allowed to eat in our house with a white shirt.

Yeah, unfair. It'll end up on your shirt. It's going to end up on your shirt. It's just going to be a mess. Then I'm going to have to wash it and deal with it. We're having Indian bit of curry. Not in that shirt. No. So you're the same.

Banned from having coffee in the bedroom. I'm not allowed to eat or drink coffee in bed. And, like, I don't like it because I really like waking up and still being warm and still like, you know when you're, like, lolling around in bed and you're just like, oh, a little coffee and, like, going through my phone or, you know, so nice. And guess what? And so because Torbs is.

The policeman is out of town. Yeah. The cat's away. The mice will play. Well, mice it up, dog, because guess who's having coffee in their bed? Yeah. So I thought, fuckin' A, Torbs is gone. Fuck that guy.

I'm going to wake up early before work, make myself a coffee, hop back into bed, pop the TV on, do some more prep for work or do whatever I'm doing. Just have a real nice, cosy morning doing what you love to do. What I want to do. And I thought, I can do this. I can handle this. What was the name of this story again?

When was your partner right? Where do you reckon my bed sheets are at the moment? In the bath, ready to be washed. Yep, in the washing machine. Because there's coffee all over them. Yep, all over my pyjamas, all over me, in my hair. Like it just, it basically, the coffee exploded. It didn't explode.

It did. It came out of nowhere. That sounds like you're blaming the coffee. Came out of nowhere. All right, let me ask you this. How many sips of coffee did you have cleanly? Two. So hang on.

You got a whole cup and you go bang, gone. Dead. And did you miss your mouth or did you bump the whole cup? I was like. Were you laying or sitting up? No, I was sitting up and I'm not that fucking stupid. It says two sips Tony. So I'm sitting in bed and I'm like balancing my,

like I'm holding the cup and I've got my phone in my hand and I think I just kind of like fumbled with the thing. You are a fumbler. I'm just pretty clumsy and you're the same. Excuse fucking me. You are the same. Look how stubborn you're being. I hope that you're all right all the time.

Anyway, turns out, Torbs, I'd really like it if you're being. I hope that you're right all the time. Anyway, turns out, Torbs, I'd really like it if you're listening to this, please come home. There's coffee everywhere. Hey, this is The Big Twig and thanks for listening to this throwback episode of Tony and Ryan. My love to see it is both Tony and Ryan and the TARPA community, including a little group I have made close friendships with. You guys are the best, and without this podcast and the wider TARPA community, my year would not have been filled with the level of joy that I have experienced. Thank you both, Tony and Ryan, for this amazing opportunity to co-host as well. Love you both.

Tony and Ryan are back on January 3rd. Thanks for listening and happy holidays.