Toni and Ryan - Toni Drives Like Carla Conte

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Ryan talks about taking too long (for the first time in his life) and turns out I'm an awful driver. Hahaha. Not in skill, but in attitude. Love ya!! Toni xox [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For a limited time, switch to Shopify Point of Sale, and you could save up to 20% and improve your bottom line. We're so serious about savings, we've made this ad 20% shorter. That means you get 6 seconds back. Just enough time to visit shopify.com slash POS20. Now that's an efficient ad. Eligibility requirements apply. See shopify.com slash POS20 for details. Ryan! Hi, how are you? Oh, my God, Eric. I thought we'd lost you for a second. I thought, yeah, I was terrified.

Oh, my God. Will you approve this podcast episode? Yes, absolutely. Sorry, you guys are just cutting out a bit. That's why I couldn't hear you at first. Oh, my God. We've got to stop using Skype. Or maybe it's our internet shit.

Are you on the Wi-Fi? No. Oh. I'm a fuckhead. No, you can't be on the Wi-Fi. It shouldn't be cutting out. My bad, my bad. All right, we're all good.

Technical issues. Who would have guessed? Live brainstorm. Yeah, thank you. Hey, this is Eric from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the video show. My name is Ryan John and today I'm joined by author Tony Felicia Lodge.

It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much for having me. You may know her from such books as I Don't Need Therapy and Otherwise. I've told myself, remembered. Took a second. Remembered. It's only just come out. It says Tony Lodge in big letters, obviously. You're the author.

And I was about to say, you may remember her from such books as, and I pictured the government, Tony Lodge. Tony Lodge from the book Tony Lodge, self-titled. You can pre-order now all the links in the show notes and also in the Facebook group. And there'll be a little swipe up on Instagram and stuff as well. Oh, should we put it? We'll put in our link in bio.

Yeah, nice, nice, nice, nice. First of all, though, what was a task that could have taken you five minutes but it took someone else 10 million years? And the reason I was thinking of this is I got my security pass for channel seven the other day oh and i started working there last august so does that mean that every time you rock up there you have to ring some poor producer and go yeah like i'm out the front or is there like the main studios in sydney as you know and i go into the melbourne studio so i just rock up and they're like what like so security won't let me in.

And then someone from Sydney calls Melbourne and goes, oh, if there's some guy down there, can you let him in? Every fucking week. Yeah, so someone from the office comes down and goes, you Ryan? I go, yeah. And they go, come on through. And I go, what do I need to do? And I go, oh, I know what to do.

I just need someone to let me in. They're like, oh, what? Every fucking week though. It was more just, to be fair, everyone's fucking lovely. I just felt like, you don't want to feel like a burden. Oh, and because you're always late as well. So I was like, because I'm an employee, like I'm, you know, on the books or whatever.

And so I was like, hey, if I just get a swipe card, I know where to go. I put my mind, like I can just go and do it and don't have to annoy anyone. Yeah, totally. And also waiting in the lobby and you kind of like, there's obviously the TV station. So there's the TV up there and I'm like going, oh, they're into the ad break.

I think I'm on after this ad break. And so I'm sitting in the thing. Yeah, see that wouldn't happen to me because I'm always early. Yeah, but sometimes I have. And I wrote a book. Well, authors, they're better than all of us. It's true. But I'd still feel like sometimes I was actually early,

but you're sitting in reception. For that long. And you're just like getting really nervous. Anyway, so I was like early, but you're sitting in reception. For that long. And you're just like getting real nervous. Anyway, so I was like, thank you so much for hooking me up. And then I was like, this probably took someone like three minutes. No, I reckon there'd be a lot of like. Back and forth. Don't you reckon?

I mean, surely when you asked first for it, then they got the ball rolling. When does that ever fucking happened? Yeah, no, right. Anyway, so to celebrate that, I was like, well, surely they're not the only one taking 10 years to do a five-minute task. Well, what was the five-minute task? Like what was the actual?

Printing. Because when I went to the front desk and I was like, hi, my name's Ryan. Apparently I can get a card now. And he went, oh, okay. And just gave it to me and I went, could I just want that a year? What do you mean? It's like, we know when you go to a hotel and they just get the card and go. And like code it or whatever.

Here you go. And he just went, oh, okay. Did he ask for your ID or anything? Oh, because when I got there, I was like, my name's Ryan. And he's like, Ryan, okay. I thought you were going to say you had to like sign something, pay a deposit. You know, have you ever had to do that? Like pay like a key deposit or something? Yeah. I thought you were going to say you had to sign something, pay a deposit. Have you ever had to do that, pay a key deposit or something? I thought you were going to say that they're like, okay,

we'll charge you. In case there's any incidentals. Yeah. Did you take anything from the minibar? I did, actually. But, yeah, it was so cruisy from that guy that I went, hang on. Should I have just said this a while ago? Anyway.

Maybe I'll just go in there. Oh, yeah, I'm Tony. Yeah, I get a card. He goes, okay, cool. I don't give a fuck. Hard as work here, bro. So what's a task that took way too long? Amelia Dunn has dobbed in her partner Alexander Dunn.

So g'day to the Dunnies. Are they any relation to you? Definitely not biologically. And I don't think either. Oh, yeah. I always forget. I don't think either. I always forget. I don't. Yeah, sorry.

I do always forget. Many people don't have early childhood memories, like a baby. Yeah. But when you're left on a doorstep at two days old, it's pretty hard to forget. So Amelia Dunn has dubbed into her partner Alexander Dunn. Apparently Alexander just goes, oh, I'm about to fold the washing.

I'll just pop a movie on while I do it. And then I'll watch a two-hour movie and it's folded two pieces of underwear. I was going to say, and then the it's folded two pieces of underwear in half. I was going to say, and then the basket's just in me like, fuck, put the sequel on. Oh, how many Indiana Joneses are there? Line them up, dog.

And it's like, mate, it'll take you five minutes for that washing away. Oh, I actually don't know what you've got and I really hope I'm not scooping your story. But you know what I always do? Spend fucking ten minutes curating the perfect Spotify queue for my shower. you've got and I really hope I'm not scooping your story but you know what I always do spend fucking 10 minutes curating the perfect Spotify cue for my shower yeah and then have a two minute shower yeah so I stand there and I go oh well I don't want that song to come on while I'm in the show like or I know that I'd skip that or whatever so I like cue them all up and then I jump in and

jump out and like I haven't even gotten through like three songs but I'll stand there and go, fuck, this is a belter. Don't even get through half of them. What is a task that should have taken you five... I've stuffed it up. That's all right. I've stuffed it up. That's okay. What's a task that should have taken five minutes

and took ten years? Fucking you explaining that. Ben Twigg. Oh, Big Twiggo. The Big Twig. Turning a document into a PDF, it takes me about five seconds, but it takes the director who earns five times what he does about an hour to do it.

Like when you're writing something up on the computer? It's in a Word document, and then you go, cool, can you print that into a PDF? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And tell the director who's on... Fuck, darling. They would be on a lot of money.

Get the chief technology officer in here. Oh, yeah. Someone call IT. I need fucking... This is crazy. Takes him a whole hour to do it. And then the big twig says, and obviously it's just typed, but I sense a tone.

Don't get me started on how long it took me to explain attachments on an email. It's 2022, people. Fucking lift. I get it. Printing a PDF, I could excuse that a little bit if you've never done it before. It is a bit confusing that you have to hit print and then you hit save. That is a bit confusing. It's the wrong way.

It's not the logical way to go about it. It isn't. But once you've done it once. Then, you know, you should know. It's the wrong way. It's not the logical way to go about it. It isn't. But once you've done it once. Then, you know, you should know. But attachments on an email. We've been attaching shit to emails for years now. Come on. You know the email literally says, like, if you say in the email, like,

oh, please find attached ding dong, ding along, whatever. Then if you don't have an attachment. It pops up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pop up. A pops up come a pop up whatever anyway um and it pops up and it says like have you forgotten to attach something yeah the computers are so smart these days. You basically can't fuck it up. It's almost, and I'm saying

almost, foolproof. Big Twig. South Australia's finest. Send this episode to your boss. Maybe don't. That's pretty passive. Oh, but it's okay, because we call Ben Twig Big Twigo. Yeah, we don't use his full name, Ben Twig.

Yeah, so it's like... From South Australia. No, so I feel like the boss literally wouldn't know. He'd be like, oh my God, how funny is this relatable lol? He's not going to know that we're talking about Ben Twig from South Australia. Could have been any Ben Twig from South Australia. He loves Farmer's Union iced coffee and fruit jocks. And calling kebabs your asses.

And Randall Moore. And the Bulls Nuts. What's that? It's a bull with nuts. What am I thinking of Chicago? Chicago! I feel like those are Bulls Nuts. I don that? It's a bull with nuts. Am I thinking of Chicago? Chicago! I feel like those are Bulls Nuts. I don't know.

Is that a restaurant or a statue? I think it's a statue. Oh. No, you're thinking of Randall Mall, the pigs, Horatio, et cetera. Okay. Shout out to Horatio, the big H. So Big Twigo. Hardly know him.

What's a task that should have taken five minutes that took someone hours? Riley, putting down our Christmas tree. My husband and I left it up all year instead of taking it down. We decided to have Christmas in July just to justify the tree's existence in the house. Oh, you guys come around in June? Yeah, we're just getting ready for Christmas in July just to justify the tree's existence in their house. Oh, you guys will come around in June. Yeah, we're just getting ready for Christmas in July. Okay. It could have taken five minutes, but we spent the whole year.

I understand, what's the word, procrastinating that task. Yep. Because it's actually sad when it comes down because it like is. The end of Christmas. Yeah. But my mum, God rest her soul, she would be like, nope, it cannot stay up past the 1st of January. It's bad luck.

Really? So on New Year's Day it's like that. New Year's Day, see you later. So now I'm like we actually haven't put up a Christmas tree for the last couple of years. Yeah. But I'm the same. 1st of January, see you later.

Doesn't matter how hungover you are. My mum actually stopped my brother from buying a house because they had their Christmas tree out past January. So before you go to that auction, you're going to fucking put that tree down. Yes. You're having an auction on the

1st of January. Well, I don't know. But it wasn't the thing that had the Christmas tree. It must have been fucking March or May or something. And she's like, absolutely not. Get your priorities in order. Well, she goes, Jamie, that's bad luck. Like, fucking March or May or something. And she's like, absolutely not. Get your priorities in order. Well, she goes, Jamie, that's bad luck. Like, you can't buy that house. And Jamie's like, whoa, well, mum, like, I really like it. Like, I mean, saving for my, this is fucking years and years and years ago,

obviously, because she's dead now. It wasn't last week. You know, like, literally, obviously, impossible. Impossible. So I wrote a book, so all my words are in there. I've used up my quota for the decade. I've used them all. Come back and come to the podcast in 2030.

Take your Christmas tree down and come back in 2030. But, yeah, apparently it's like a thing like bad luck. So whilst I appreciate that it does take a long time and it's a fucking pain in the ass, I can't let myself have the tree up for longer than... Just fucking do it. That's what I'm hearing. June 1st, yeah.

June 1st. January 1st. I thought authors were smart. Mate, I've broken the seal. Wait. Mould? Mould. Broken the seal.

You've pissed yourself? I've broken the seal. We've had a little coffee in. Tony's broken the seal. You've pissed yourself? I've broken the seal. We've had a little coffee in. Tony's broken the seal. It feels like reindeer. Making music. Isn't that nice? Here comes Santa Claus.

Here comes Santa Claus. Right down Santa Claus Lane. Why is that pink and white? Is that Christmas? Is it? It looks like a candy cane. Oh, yeah. Emily.

This is... I know this kind of person. It took my boyfriend weeks and weeks of extensive research, reading every Amazon review possible, to buy a $9 standing fan. I mean, I get it with some products. I do this. Hang on.

If there's a scale, is there like if it's below a certain amount, you just fucking get it? Yeah, just rip it. I think risk it. But what's your line there? I mean, for author cash. If it's below 12 figures. Let me tell you, writing books is not a money-making exercise. I mean, for author cash. If it's below 12 figures.

Let me tell you, writing books is not a money-making exercise. However, what I will say is that I think it depends on how much time I want to get out of the thing. Right. Or, like, what it's for. So a thing I'll use for 10 minutes, do I spend five days researching? Probably not. A car you're going to have for the next five or 10 years, is it worth a few months?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Or like when I first brought up this thing that I do about researching and watching YouTube videos and stuff, it was a handbag that I was like, oh, okay, I'm spending, it was probably, I think it was $200. On a bag? And I was like, well, I'm going to use it for years. It's like a plain black bag.

And I was like, this will be my work bag for the next five or ten years. I need to make sure the handles are falling off. Exactly. My laptop fits in it and I use it all the time. I know I was taking the piss that day and it was still very extensive, maybe overly extensive. It was. But I do get it.

Do you think for a standing fan has it got things and blows cold air? Surely. What else do I fucking need to know? And $9. Do you know what I mean? Emily, Tony will buy the fan. I'll send the $9.

Tell your boyfriend, Tony will just get the fan. Send me your PayPal details. I'll buy you two. You're getting two fans. I'm getting a TV. She's impatient. The checkbook's out. See, that's the other thing. Then I just fucking, there's like a line where I just snap and go,

fuck it, just get it. I don't know how you feel about this one. Beth said, five-minute task that I don't do, filling up my car with petrol. If I'm low on petrol, I'll just walk everywhere. Actually, you wouldn't understand this. Because you would never be under half a tank. No.

Because I get fuel when I need it. Not when you need it. Before I need it. When there's room in the tank. Before I need it. Tony will fill it. I actually drive into the service station, fill it up, drive out of the driveway and back in and fill it up again.

If it's a servo with a long driveway. I'm like, fuck, better just be safe. Put a U-turn in it. You start walking everywhere. I mean, not the worst thing, I guess. Actually, no, to be fair, if your car for some reason had a quarter of a tank of gas in it, you wouldn't drive it. You would just leave it in the garage for years because you're like,

oh, fuck, if I got in it, I could run out of petrol. But, oh. When I leave, I'm going to have to fill it up and then find a park somewhere and then. Yeah, see, that's what I think of because I'm like, if I get it when I don't need it, then when I do need it, I don't have to worry about it because, and you know what I have been guilty of in the past, when you need fuel and say you're driving home from work at night

and then you know that the next morning you have to go to work again. Everyone's like, oh, I'll just do it in the morning. And you go, I'll just do it in the morning. And then in the morning you get in your car, turn it up, and you go, fuck yeah, I've got you have to go to work again. Everyone's like, oh, I'll just do it in the morning. And you go, I'll just do it in the morning. And then in the morning you get in your car, turn it up, and you go, fuck, yeah, I've got five minutes to get to work. And then you go, fuck, why didn't I just get fuel last night? And every fucking time, every fucking time. And then you go, why have I done this to myself?

And it's always when you're running late and you go, well, I don't have time to get fuel. And then you're fucking really pushing it. Also, there's the like, your alarm goes off in the morning. I know you're not a snoozer. Oh, but I know. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, a few more minutes.

And you go, fuck, I've got to get up five minutes early and get fucking petrol. Yeah. And you know that it's going to be the day that it's like happens to be the cheap place. And it's packed. And it's packed. And you have to wait. And then you go, fuck. Now, like, I just, but we've all done it. I've done it. And it's packed and you have to wait and then you go, fuck now. Like, I just,

but we've all done it. I've done it. Just get it the night before. Just do it. And then sometimes I trick myself with a little treat. If it's night time then I'm going in and I go, oh, I'll just get a little ice cream or something. I drove home late last night. Yeah. A little ice cream from

the servo or a little cheeseburger from Macca's or both. Wasn't both in the same time. Fair. Across the Yeah. A little ice cream from the servo or a little cheeseburger from Macca's or both? Wasn't both in the same time. Fair. Across the week. Yeah. A couple of cheeses have been picked up, I bet. Some boxes have been ticked. Yeah.

But I got a Gatorade and an ice cream. Nice. What did you get, Magnum? Yeah. That's my go-to at a servo. Hang on. We're going to say our flavour of Magnum in three, two, one. Honeycomb Crunch. That is a great choice, though. Magnum in three, two, one. Honeycomb Crunch.

That is a great choice, though. Yeah. Cookies and cream, okay. Also, don't hate an almond. Oh, I don't think I've ever had the almond, but I love a classic. Yeah, they are great. I love a classic Magnum. Are Magnums a thing everywhere or just in Aussie?

We'll find out now. Let us know. Anna Gleeson. The Big Glees. The Big Glees. I knew I'd heard that name from somewhere. Yeah. So it's like, what should have taken you five minutes? She's a champion topper. Anna Gleeson. The Big Glees? The Big Glees. I knew I'd heard that name from somewhere. So it's like, what should have taken you five minutes?

She's a champion tarpa. And champion tarpa Anna Gleeson says, this comment. Okay. Well, Anna, we've just hyped you up, girlfriend. I started writing it and then got distracted with a text message from someone else wanting to advise on panel damage because something happened to her car. Because she backed all through her back. Fuck, yep.

I then listed all the options for it, had an in-depth explanation. Then my dog started snoring and I remembered I needed to give the dog medication. So I went down to the thing, to the pet store. And then while I was there, I spotted some snails and I thought they might look good in my fish tank. And then I was driving back from the vet and I realized I hadn't finished writing this comment yet. they might look good in my fish tank.

And then I was driving back from the vet and I realised I hadn't finished writing this comment yet. That's really funny. But what was the original thing going to be? I know. I've only just clicked what you're saying. So, like, Anna, yeah, like she said, oh, it took me ages to write this comment because X, Y, Z happened. Like the snails and the dog and the snoring and the medication

and the, you know, whatever, the panel damage. But, like, what was she writing in the beginning? I hear what you're saying. And that didn't occur to me. Stay tuned, everyone. Next week we're going to find out what Anna was going to tell us in the beginning. And exclusive.

And Anna exclusive. Can we get the, like, exclusive? I'll ask Franco. Franco, would you be able to... You've checked out, mate. Oh, fuck. I don't cut the video podcast, the video show. Apologies.

Final one is from Leanna. Leanna Brunatina-ton. No, just a different Leanna. Unpacking from a trip. So simple Guilty You get home, you spend five minutes putting your stuff away But some people leave the bag sitting there on the floor for 15 business days

Why? Why? Because we're normal humans Yep And then you pick through the dirty stuff And you put the clean stuff on for work the next day And then it's a horrible cycle However long you're away for on holidays,

you get double the amount of time to put your bags away. Oh, totally agree. You're away for a week, you've got two weeks, Grace. Yep, I think so. You're away for a two-day weekend, you've got four days to put that stuff away. Torbs and I went to New Zealand a couple of weeks ago. My make-up is still in my make-up bag.

How long were you away for? For five days. So then you've got eight to ten days. It's been 21, you're past. Yeah, okay. I've expired. Great. Good enough. I've got a time limit. Hey, this is Eric from Calgary, Alberta, Canada and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan Podcast. Welcome back to the video show.

Hope you're having a great day. A big thank you to Rebecca Van Mullen. Thank you so much. Jen, thank you. Thanks, Jen. Bindi Gruel, Nate Keeney, Noah Jooster, Hayden Congdon and Danica Ferlazzo. Thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. Fucking love to see it.

Love to see it. On Monday, 21 Jump Street. Yeah. I'm pumped. I love this movie. I barely even need to watch it again. Really? I watch it pretty often.

How many are there? I really like it. There's two. Oh, I think why I asked that. There's two. There's two. I think that's true. The reason I ask is at the end of the second one where there's like a mock-up of the 57

sequels. Yeah. Okay. Great. Great. Great. Because that is on its own fucking hilarious. Don't you just love the end of the first one, like the one that we have to watch and it

goes like cuts like Channing Tatum like pounding the fuck out of Ellie Kemper like the chemistry teacher. No, I haven't. Oh. Oh, spoilers. It's just in the credits. I'll tell you about it on Monday. Okay.

Well, here's two things I've fucked up recently. Well, I didn't know that Carla Conti And Tony Lodge are the same person. Yeah. Are you two different people or the same person? There's three of us apparently. Apparently, yeah, I am Carla Conti. So recently, very recently, you've just moved house into Beyonce's Airbnb. And I'd seen the house online lots because before you bought it,

you sent me the link and you were like, oh, my God, we love this house, we really want to get it, whatever. But I hadn't been there in person. But last Friday, rewind a little bit, I had the day from hell planned. So in the morning I had to take Pippa to the vet at 9am. Then you and I had a meeting online at 11. Then we were going to do a bunch of personalised videos together for Champion Tapas on Patreon.

Then I had to be back at my house to get a heap of stuff done before I had the dentist at 3. And you hate admin? I hate admin. You hate chores? You hate a to-do list? No, I like knowing what I have to do, but I like being able to sit down and just knock a heap of stuff out.

But I had to move around a lot, and I don't like that. And so I had heaps of stuff on, and then fucking Murphy's Law, anything that could go wrong would go wrong. The very first thing in my tightly packed day ran late. Pippa's vet appointment, instead of it taking 15 minutes, took an hour because we had a few things to check out. They were running a bit late. You fucking know how it is. And you don't like, ran late. Pippa's vet appointment, instead of it taking 15 minutes, took an hour because we had a few things to check out. They were running a bit late. You fucking know how it is.

And you don't like to run late and this wasn't your fault. It actually wasn't my fault. But does that add to the like, well, if I'm late to the next one, then that'll be late to the next and the flow on effect. And then so at the last minute kind of thing, you're like, oh, I actually need to be at the new house on Friday to like accept a few deliveries and do a few things. And I was like, okay, great. Well, I'll drive out to your house, your new house,

which I haven't seen yet, for 11 for our meeting online. Then I'll have a look at the house. We'll do the work we need to do. Then I'll fuck off back to the city. So last minute, I'm like, okay, I'm at the vet. It's 10.25. 10.25. I have to be at your house by 11.

Yep. I've never driven there. No. So I check the GPS. It says 30 minute on the dot. So five minutes to spare. So I know that I've got five minutes, except that five minutes included me getting Pippa home, throwing her out the door to Torbz, and then getting back on the road.

That's going to add a few minutes. You know, that adds a few minutes. So you ride on it. So I was like, Torbz, can you throwing her out the door to Torbz and then getting back on the road. Oh, that's going to add a few minutes, yeah. You know, that adds a few minutes. So you ride on it. So I was like, Torbz, can you meet me out the front? He doesn't reply. He's in a meeting. Yeah. So I have to go all the way inside, give him Pippa, and then fucking get back in the car.

It's a whole thing. I get on the road at 10.31. The time's blown out now. It says 34 minutes. And I go, Ryan always talks about challenging the GPS. I reckon I can do this. It's just a rough guide. It's a challenge.

I don't know that it is. It's saying, Google is saying, big corporate is big tech, the original big. Big satellite. I bet you can't. I bet you can't do it. But it is generally quite accurate. I feel like if you can ever only shave off a cut,

it's only one or two minutes that you can shave off. I get on the freeway, like I bucket down to where I needed to get onto the M1 and I'm like kind of shaving a bit of time off. So it goes from estimated arrival 11.05 to 11, bang on. You've shaved five minutes on the freeway. I shaved five minutes off. Between getting from my house to like exiting the freeway down near your place, about five minutes.

Hello to everyone on the eastern. So I got off the freeway and I'm like, I'm going to fucking make this. And then there's like a million, billion, jillion fucking roadworks. There is at the moment, yeah. There's like all these different points down the thing. There's all these fucking roadworks.

And I'm like, I can't make this. So then you've got to slow all the way down to 60 before you can kind of keep going. Anyway, I wouldn't say that I was speeding. But I was definitely. But I did shave five minutes. But I was moving. Yeah. I was.

Yep. Not speeding. I wasn't driving unsafely. Let me do a quiz. Speeding? No. Yeah. I was. Yep. Not speeding. I wasn't driving unsafely. Let me do a quiz. Speeding? No. Moving? Yes.

Thank you. And moving is not illegal. So I'm like, all right, come on, we can do it. And I'm like, I just need to do the speed limit to get there now because it's saying 11.01. So I need to kind of, I need to really move, get through another bit of fucking roadworks. It goes to 11.02. I go, I've got to make up a bit of time here. You've got to shave too.

I've got to shave a little bit off. Anyway, I haven't driven the road before. And as you kind of get up to your area, it's like single carriageway like both ways. Yeah, it's a very skinny, windy road up through the hills and the trees and the bush because I'm out in the sticks. So it's. This car gets in front.

So it's like a merge into one lane thing. Yeah. And this car gets in front of me, whatever. And I'm like, that's fine. It's kind of like, it's a Suzuki Grand Vitara. So I'm like, okay, it's fucking. What's that mean? Grandma and granddad are in the fucking car.

You know what I mean? Is that right? Is that right? And I'm in my flash old car. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I know the turbo works because i've just used it on the fucking freeway i know i've got something to give here i could really you know use a couple of shaved minutes because we had to be on this meeting all right i don't like to run late no so i'm like oh my god hurry the fuck up then i'm like

oh my god be patient it's fine like get like better i'm literally saying like better safe than sorry like get there alive or not at all kind of thing. So I'm like, all right, pull back a little bit. But I was probably driving a bit more defensively than I normally would. When you say defensively, do you mean extremely aggressively? What do you mean? What do you mean by defensively? What did you hear me say?

Because I think I've heard the other half of this story and I don't think the word defensive was used at all. Okay. I was driving like a bit of a Caliconti, to be quite honest. I was running late, I was flustered, and it was not my finest moment. So when we were trying to get the – no, I think it was when we were doing the Halloween livestream, Little Woot made this thing where you go,

I'm so calm and relaxed, and like four seconds later you're like, what the fuck? So you've seen yourself go from zero to 100. Because I've said you're a zero to 100 Tony. Well, I wanted to go from zero to 100, but this was driving at 60. Franco, you need to believe that. Sorry. So defensively drive or how far between you and the car in front?

A safe distance. But was it like would they have been aware? It was, yeah. Yep, 100%. Were you being a Carla Conti? It is potential that someone would view it in that way. Like a fucking politician. It is potentially someone could have thought that.

If you were offended, then I am sorry. So I'm going through up to your place. It's a fucking windy road. And there's like it's one road to the area. It's not like you can cut down and through whatever. I've got one eye on the GPS. I'm watching the time kind of creep up. And I'm like, fuck,

it's saying 11.02. There's no way I can shave any time off. Then all of a sudden it says, oh, similar ETA if I turn off. And I'm like, fuck yeah. I sling a right and I'm like, fuck that guy off. Like I just need to fucking get around. So I swing around and I'm like, cool, all right, and I fucking weave up and I get to the T section where like your streets on the right and there's

people coming towards me. The two separate ways rejoin. They rejoin. Have you made up time? And this Suzuki Grand Vitara fucking toddles in, turns left before I can even turn right. Might as well have just kept following them. Or maybe after I finally got off their asshole, they drove like an orbit. Like maybe they were doing it to like slow me down.

When someone's up my ass, I'm like, fuck you. I do the same. To be quite honest with you, I do the exact same. I don't doubt that. Anyway, so I go to pull into your street. This car pulls into your street as well. Then I kind of slow down because I realise that I need to turn into your driveway. And lo and behold, the Suzuki Grand Vitara pulls into your driveway.

And I go, oh my God, like you've got so many delivery people coming today. How embarrassing. I'm going to like see this guy, whatever. But like at least it's not going to be quick and painless because it's going to be some delivery guy. He's going to go, God, she was a bitch. But then fuck off. This lovely guy gets out of the Suzuki Grand Vitara.

I get out of my brand new Audi like an asshole. And you walk out the front door and you go, oh, Joel, you're here at the same time as Tony. Like, what are the odds? And I realise it is your really good friend Joel. He was at my wedding, I think. Who was at your wedding and listens to the podcast and also is styling your house for you.

Yep, and has a dad who puts dogs in freezers. Yeah, it is the same Joel. Good friend and he's helping style the house. Good friend, lovely guy. So he's going to be hanging out at my place all day whilst you're there. While I'm there. And I didn't realise obviously that what are the

odds, do you know what I mean, of this person who I've been a bit of a colour conti to on the road is then going to be at your house with me for the whole day. So when you guys rocked up to the dook, because I rocked up and I was like, Joel, Tony, did you guys introduce? Yeah, the – because I rocked up and I was like, Joel, Tony, did you guys introduce –

Yeah, well, so I walked down and gave him a hug and I was like, oh, my God, so nice to meet you. Did he know? Well, he didn't say anything but he kind of looked at me and I was like, all right, in my head, right, time stood still. And I was like, I need to just – I'm so embarrassed for it. Oh, it is awful.

And I just – I am so not an arsehole, but at this time... No, no, no, no, no. But like I was... Actions speak louder than words. I know, I know. And I was running late and I shouldn't have acted like a jerk, but like it fucking serves me right. Like I deserved this.

But time stood still and I realised in my mind that I had to decide whether I was going to say something or hope that he didn't. And I thought, you know what, normally I would just try and like itch my way out of something. I'm going to rip the Band-Aid off. And I went, bro, I'm really sorry. I drove like an absolute arsehole.

I'm fucking running late. Ryan and I have a meeting in about a minute. And he goes, oh, that's okay. That's not what he said to me. But he, like, high-pitched voice, he goes, oh, that's okay. That's not what he said to me. But he, like, high-pitched voice, he goes, oh, that's okay. He's a nice guy. And he's a really nice guy. Now that you know him, I've spent some time with him.

And, um, not a great drummer. First impressions. No, no, no, no. Excuse me. Anyway, and so I just ripped the bandaid off because I thought this would be the best way. And he goes, oh, that's okay. And then you kind of didn't really, because we were just like chatting and introducing ourselves, you didn't really hear what had happened.

No. And then it was like a little bit awkward, but it was fine. And then we were together for what, like two, three hours he was there and I was there. And he left. He's like, I've got to go. I've got lunch plans. And I was like, oh, I'm not far behind you, but I'll kind of hang back.

And you were like, can you fucking leave? Like you needed me to go. And I was like, oh, I'm not far behind you, but I'll kind of hang back. And you were like, can you fucking leave? Like, you needed me to go. And I was like, oh, I might just like go to the bathroom or something. But I needed to kind of just be like, oh, my God. And you were like, oh, that was a bit of a weird job. And I was like, but I didn't want to fucking get back on the road because I didn't want to drive behind him again. Oh, is that right?

You going back to town? Yeah, me too. So I'm like just like trying to kill like a little bit of time, hoping I don't catch up to him again on the fucking freeway. Well, chances are you got home before he did, even if you had left five minutes later. The weird thing is that when he's been out two or three times now and he goes, you know the best thing about coming out to your place?

He goes, I just love driving out here. He lives in Brunswick and he goes, I could just get on the open road, there's trees, there's hills, I put on a nice podcast with some jazzy, funky kind of tunes. And he just leans back in his Suzuki Vitara. I can tell. You don't seem remorseful. No, I do. I was really embarrassed.

And I was like, Tony Louise Lodge, that is what you get for acting like an asshole. But I was just like, you know, I'm running late. I don't like to run late. Was he doing under the speed limit? It wasn't his fault. Or was he just going an acceptable time for someone cruising in the country? You know when, like, the speed limit's 60 and you can do, like, a quick 60 or a slow 60?

He was doing a slow 60. Do you know what I mean, though? Yeah, there's a small mathematical part of my brain that says no. But you know what I mean. But I kind of fucking do. Thank you. Thank you. As the king of shaving time off the GPS, I know that you're trying to make me.

Well, there's 60 in this 60. Thank you. There is. Because when it's 60 on a windy road, you have to, like, slow into the corners. Or it says 60, Your Honour. My car drives itself. It wasn't in my control. Righto.

I felt like the biggest arsehole. And I do everything in my power on a day-to-day basis to not seem like an arsehole. And I got fucking caught out being an arsehole. And I was really embarrassed. I'm sorry, Joel. You know what will solve this happening in the future? What?

How you can avoid this. Don't you fucking dare say be early. No, that is a good one. I'm not fussed about the time. No, but we had a meeting with someone else. Yeah. So that's what I was like, fuck, I need to be on this thing. I'll hold down the phone for a few minutes.

But you weren't even on the call. You didn't even have your laptop. Yeah, I was waiting for you and Joel. Joel did not need to be on the call. Joel had nothing to do with what we were doing. Nah, he really didn't, did he? If you're never an arsehole, you never get caught being an arsehole. Well, that is why I'm very rarely an arsehole and I got fucking...

How do people... What I want to know is how do people that are arseholes constantly never get caught out? I did it once and got caught. So, you know people who we people that are arseholes constantly never get caught out? I did it once and got caught. So you know people who we both know are arseholes? Yeah. We both know they're arseholes. Yeah. So when you say how do they not get caught, they do.

They do get caught. That's a great point. And, you know, the fact they probably don't care proves they're an arsehole. Yeah, that's actually a great point. And the fact that you do care. I really care. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, bad stuff undone because I care. I really care. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, bad stuff undone because I care. So when you were checking out the place. Yeah. Joel goes, actually, do you want to know this? Nah, you don't want to know. No, I do need to know. Please tell me. Please tell me.

No. I can ask three times and that's like the golden rule that you have to do it. I would like to know. He didn't mention it. Oh, fuck. Because he's a nice guy. He is a nice guy. I tell you what it would have been.

You know how you're like, should I have said anything? Imagine if like you didn't and you're like, oh, maybe he didn't notice or he didn't care or whatever. And then just as he leaves goes, oh, you leaving in that car? Just take it easy on the way back, all right? And then just walked out with his key. But he would never. No.

Because he's a really nice guy. Yep. Like never. No. Because he's a really nice guy. Yep. Like I normally am. I'm normally a really nice guy. And it's not my finest moment. Well, speaking of not your finest moment, I've got to love to see it. I don't know if I can do this one because I've got to play some audio off my phone. Is that going to work on a video show?

Yeah, because it will just go through the thing. Ladies and gentlemen, let me teach you the number one rule of broadcasting. Ladies and gentlemen, let me teach you the number one rule of broadcasting. If you're in a room with microphones and cameras, always assume that they're rolling. You know, you don't want to get caught out with a hot mic. Yeah. So the other day, you and I, I think we were maybe like reading an ad or doing an approve.

We were in this room just like doing some admin. Yeah. And the microphones were on. Oh, my God. I actually genuinely totally forgot about this. Oh, me being an asshole again. Wow. Can I play this off my phone?

Yeah. It'll play through the thing. Yeah. This is Tony Lodge. We're just recording some stuff play through the thing. Yeah. This is Tony Lodge. We're just recording some stuff, shooting the breeze, not on a podcast and something unfortunate. Oh, my God. Do you know what I did last night?

I am. Checked out. I just farted because I laughed so hard. I'm sorry. The fart slipped out because I laughed so hard. Oh, I'm embarrassed. I'm really embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed.

Hey, mate, we're friends. We get so much. Just a little fart came out. It's an honour and a privilege for me that my shit joke about your arsehole made you almost shit. That's it. Back to live now. That's when we were just, guess what I did last night?

Anal and then Tony farts. I just thought it was, like, because I was literally about to tell you about how I Googled something and watched some YouTube tutorial about it. Like, we were not on. Yeah. And so then when you said that, I just fucking lost it because I wasn't expecting you to make a joke. And then the little fart came out and I.

You're embarrassed. I was. I was genuinely very embarrassed. And again, right, I could have gotten away with not saying anything. Yeah, I didn't hear it. Yeah, exactly. So it's like the Joel thing. I'm such a nice person that I had to call myself out.

Well, letting me know that you farted in my presence doesn't make you nicer. It does make you honest, but I wouldn't say nicer. Okay, yeah. Is she nice? Yeah, when she farts, she tells me. Oh, she does seem nice. What a great girl. Has she written a book by Janice?

Love to read it. Is it available for pre-order right now via the links in our show notes? Is it a scratch and smell or just a straight text? What are they called? Scratch and sniff? Scratch and sniff, yeah. What did you say? Scratch and smell.

Doesn't sound the same, does it? No, it doesn't. Speaking of being gaslit, I found this Twitter. This Twitter. Fucking isn't Twitter having a wild ride with Elon Musk? I can't actually even deal with it. I went on to find some good you love to see. It's because I like looking at the viral tweets for good stuff.

And I just couldn't even fucking look at it, to be honest. It was so intense. Anyway, I saw this uh tweet and that's gone viral it's got 47 000 likes and it says um haha being gaslit on facebook marketplace and there's a screenshot and somebody uh like a random person has says has said would you consider four thousand dollars and this person selling it has said, I'd do $4,500. Right. Then the person responding says, I can do $4,000.

Then sends a thumbs up and then says, okay, I'm waiting for a deposit into my account, then we'll give you a call. Thanks. And then the original person says, I'm not going to take $4,000. And they say, well, then why did you send the thumbs up? And then the original guy goes, no, you sent the thumbs up. This is terrifying. It is so funny, like the whole conversation.

And the guy's just like, no, but when you sent the, and he's like, what, when you sent the thumbs up, I thought it would be all good. He's like, no, you sent that. But it just made me laugh so much. So 1 o'clock? Yeah. No. Oh, 1.30.

Gotcha. See you then. I literally have said I won't take the money that you've offered me. And I just thought everybody has a fucking cooked Facebook marketplace story. And if you've got one, please put it on the thread on today's episode thread in our Facebook group, Tony and Ryan podcast. Because there would be some corkers out there, people saying stuff like that. Oh, my God. I fucking lost it when I saw that.

But you sent me the thumbs up. No, you sent that. That's why it's on your side of the screen, not on mine. Can you tell me what I should have done in this situation? Actually, no. Tell me what you would do in this situation. Yeah. You're selling something for $100.

Yep. And someone goes, hey, and you just need to get rid of it. Yeah. And you're like, I just need to fuck it off. Yep. I can do 80, but I can't make it round until three or four days' time because I've got to pick up the car so I can put it in the back or whatever. But all good.

And you're like, sure. I mean. Yeah. Yeah, I'm selling it. I'm trying to get rid of it. I'm not really in a rush, but if you're going to take it. Great. No other offers.

All good. Yeah. And then someone messages you a minute later and goes, oh, I'm just down the street. I've got a hundred bucks. Is it still there? I'd say, unfortunately, it's already been sold. Same. Oh, well, you'll hear about that next week.

Same. Turns out I'm not the only arsehole. All right. Regular Ryan and author Tony signing out. See you next Monday. Love you. Bye. Are we still doing that? Tony signing out. See you next Monday. Love you. Bye.

Are we still doing that? No, I'm just drinking my coffee. I really need to wee, so can we wrap it up? It might be poo. I drank a whole coffee. Yeah, go on. All right. Bye. Love you. yeah go on bye love you