Toni and Ryan - Toni Found The Best Butter On Earth

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Normal or Nah - Fancy butter - Ophthalmologist chat - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know that I am a butter slut. I love butter. Boy, have I got something for you? We don't. I'll put it on top there. This is the best butter I've ever eaten in my whole fucking life. Hi, I'm Sophie from Perth, Western Australia. Hi, I'm John Terry from fabulous Las Vegas in the US.

Hi, I'm Georgie from Melbourne, Australia. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast. We're both wearing purple. Or is this brown? Oh, no, that's purple. We're both wearing purple. It's going to be a great day.

And I've got, you've got a blue hat on. I've got little blue sockies on. It's going to be a great day. How did we do that? That's fun. Coincidence chat. I've got some normal. What are you wearing, Charles?

Charles, you have to wear pants to work. That is unbelievable. Again. That's unbelievable, Charles. I've got something to say about our office, and I think it might be all offices in Australia. Oh, one office, many office. Offes.

Offes. Can you push air through your penis? I'm going to need one sceric of context as in why that occurred to ask in this exact moment. This is going to really annoy you, but the reason is because I thought can you suck air through your penis? the more context I have is just the inverse what I already said. Like, can you push or suck air through your cock-all? I reckon, not much.

Not possible to intentionally push air into the bladder or through the penis. Judy is fincters. Hardly know us. Like, could you do, like, so if we were having sex, like... Hypophobically. Oh, we'll have to try. Like, and I could quefe out my fanny giant. Could you queaf out your penis hole?

No. Oh. Imagine if it was like a little party blow. It was like, blah, blah. Or like when you just like, you felt a fart and it was like, like it was like a little straw like. Sorry, I just blew out of heat of spit. That's a shame.

Have we started? It has so much potential. It really does. Let me speak to them. Yeah. The penis. Big penis. Big.

And see if we can't organize something. Oh, the big company. Big company. Big calm. Pernie. This is normal or nah. I'm actually really excited about normal an R. I always am, but hewey normal or are.

I've got four. Four names here. Tell me the name of one of the people that have submitted a normal or not today. Claire. Tarp of Stephanie's message through. Oh my gosh. I love step. Rubbing your popcorn on the inside of

the bag to get extra flavor as you're taking it out. Toughest step. Us is this is normal or nah. Before I ate my popcorn, I grab the kernels and rub them on the inside of the microwave bag to make sure I get all of the extra butter and all of the extra salt. Maximum flavor, extra bang for my buck. My sister thinks it's diabolical, but I think it's normal. Sorry, I'm just over here having a fucking sensory meltdown.

obviously this is suitable for like a microwave popcorn. Yep. Because at the cinema, it doesn't have the, it's like already, I physically cannot eat microwave popcorn out of the, I have to put it into the spew bowl. Yeah. I cannot physically reach my hand into that crusty little bag. I tell you for what.

Because when your palm, the back of your palm grazes the salt and the crinks on the it gets on the back you that makes on the back you're that makes me feel so nicky-nuckies i don't like that at all i can't do that nothing has made me ever feel as nicky-nucky as you saying the words nicky-nucky that has just really rubbed me up like the inside of a microwave popcorn bag and that's how i feel right now thinking about the inside of microwave popcorn back i cannot do it It makes me so physically uncomfortable. And there's just no way to maneuver your hand. It's got a pretty big, like the top is quite big,

but I still just like you get the stuff on you. Your hand gets really dirty. It gets like a little bit of the butter on it. Everything sticks to you. I just, like it makes me feel so upset. Do you need to drink some water and take a deep breath? And I actually, it is my job to read the normal or nars, but I'm actually sorry for bringing that into that energy into the show and into your day.

First I fucked up the names and now this. On a Thursday. But do you know, like, I'm just doing my best, why I can't deal with that popcorn. Sorry about the names. Have I fucked up the day? Should we come back tomorrow? Do Thursday tomorrow. That might fuck with some other people because we're not good at time zones.

You know what I mean? Everyone's, oh. True. Nah. Don't put me through that. I know what you tried to do. Maybe cool. Do we have a horse photo?

Do you need a horse photo? I think I need the horse photo. I'm sorry. No, but no, actually, I'm not sorry. I'm advocating for what I need. I need the horse photo. If it's, fuck, there's some shit in there. What are you doing in there?

I've got some, like, a lot of twist bars. We got a red hair because when I was the girl that worked in real estate. Yeah. No, you were Julia Roberts. Yeah. I've got my colonoscopy results. That's not going to help me, seeing your fucking bowel again. That.

I'm pretty sure. the horse foot is in the middle drawer. That's the most upsetting thing I've ever seen. Have you seen that woman any of that? No. The cops rock up and they go, have you seen her? And we go, Ma, never heard of her.

Can you explain to people at home what's just happening? Ryan. Explain that first. Okay. Ryan shut the wig in the drawer and the hair was sticking out. So it looked like the head was like a decapitated head was in that. Leonardo decapitadio. How long ago was it that we ate bread on the show?

I don't think we ever have. Have we ever had bread on the show recently? I don't think so. Or is that what I think that's, yeah. Yeah. Forget us anything. Is it a hairnet? No.

This is not the first time that I've asked for the horse photo and Dr. Dick chopper's come up. Okay? He's a urologist. Where is the horse photo? I think it was under the top podcast way body body under Dr. Dick. Oh, why didn't you say so? Here we go.

This is actually helping. Is it? Yeah, it is. Love your horse photo. I'm bad it's helping you. You have to put it back in your thing. God forbid we can't find it. Oh, that would have been easier.

We'll just leave that up for the rest. Do you feel better? We're going to do normal on our. later, I need, I've got something else to change it up. Okay, do you feel better though? Yeah, but this is going to bring us right back. Okay, amazing. If you're the type of person that's ever said,

spread me like the buttery slut I am, then boy, have I got something for you. Which I have said that. Actually, this is what we need. You ready? I'm going to say a sentence and we're just going to let it sit. Okay. How good is butter?

You know, I'd hate to brag. Yeah. But you know what I'm rolling at home at the moment? A Lur-Pack. What's a Lur-Pack? What's a Lur-Pack? I've got a, like, the butter tub that we've got at home at the moment is Lur-Pack. Like the fancy Dutch butter.

What flavour? Can we bring the butter in? Bring the butter in. What? What flavour? I've got something to show you. That's, oh, Lur-Pact, mate. Oh, it's as if you've said the same word that I was saying.

to butter tourism is on the rise butter I did that Duck River butter there is a new trend let's bring it in here pop it on top there and let me read this

what is that it's sharp okay we've been warned there is a new trend where people are now actively seeking butter forward forward experiences while traveling and dining out oh this is one of the craziest sentence and Jules, you'll hear this year.

If butter tourism continues to grow at this rate, by the end of the year, more people will travel to France for butter than they will travel to France for cheese. Flavored butters, which is why I asked, such as a truffle, a garlic infused, a maple cinnamon are surging in popularity. Social media trends like butterboards and butter coffee are driving demand. You know that I am a butter slut. Yep. I love butter.

Now, this is, this plate of assorted butter's is really doing something to me. Now, I've learnt that, and this isn't what's on the table, by the way,

but there's a place down near Queenscliff called Lard-Ars Butter, where they have like a salad door, like a winery. Get fucked. The dairy farmer's daughter handcrafting award-winning cultured butter. They've got a roast

fennel seed, a black garlic, a seaweed and miso, like, so you go down there and they bust out the crackers. So, you know, I was like, I know a buttery slut. I know we've had a rough start to the pod today because we talked about the really unsettling thing of I just went to put on the table.

Yeah. Now, but we're winning me back over with my favorite food, butter. Now, we've been to Baker's Delight, obviously. Now, would you like to start with the pure cream butter. We've got the Normandy that the French infused salted

or what have we got here? Guys, what the fucking hell? This is like a... Slow fermented in Fitzroy. That is the... Is that like a tuna tin with butter? That is the fanciest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, and because we don't...

Where did you fucking get that from? We've been searching around and going to some like artisanal dallies to like get the best butter for our girl. And the reason that you heard crazy noises before is we don't have a can opener and Charles had to open that with the saw.

You sawed that open. There it is. Oh my God. You could have lost a hand. Worth it. Yeah, yeah. Now, do you want to try that big thicky first? I do, yeah.

Fuck, that's got my name written all over. I'm going to just like tear off a little bit. Yeah, a little bit so you can try it out. Yeah, test it. Holy shit. I will say probably not the optimal temperature. I probably should have left it out of the fridge. Wow, wow, wow.

Okay, ready? You're fucking joking me. We lost it for the day in the best way possible. She's eating the butter straight off the knife now. She's skipping the middleman bread. Hang on, hang on, hang on, no, don't. The knife. Do you want me to give you some of that one first?

So we've tried the same one at the same time? Just be careful because there's quite a lot of shards. Oh, yeah, it's as if charles cut up with a... Saw. Doesn't spread the well. You've done this in a very... I was going to put it on here for you to try it. Oh, that's nice.

Okay, here we go. Is that the butter in the tin? Yeah. Okay, I'm trying the LeCulturistice butter. Slow fermented in Fitzroy cultured butter. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh.

That Fitzroy one, beautiful. Needs a bit more salt. I'd just add my own salt to that one. That one, though, the one in the tin, that's beautifully salted. What's that called? Oh, it's tequila flavored. Are you going to be able to drive home? Pure creamery butter.

That one is absolutely delicious. Does that say tequila on it? No. What's that there? Oh, manichotilla. Mantequea. Okay, and this one is the, this is the French Normandy one. This one looks like, oh, this one looks like it's come from a foreign land.

Oh, that, oh, look at the shape of that one. Holy shit. It's got like a scalloped edge. That's beautiful. That's fancy. Oh, and that's got a lovely knife feel. I'm making up terms. No, but that feels right.

If we went to a salad or for butter, you would be like, oh. Say things like that. You'd be like, oh, it just falls off the knife. Oh, the bouquet of that butter is just delightful. That's what I would say. Yeah, try that one. I've put a lot of butter on this one. Fucking eat my the crock around.

That this is the best butter I've ever eaten in my whole fucking life. Oh, it's got flamed? Like it's... It tastes like getting dunked at the beach. It's so salty. It tastes like going to heaven. You know what it's got in it? Cream and salt.

Like, it's the real deal. What else is there in this world? Oh. I'd be honest, right? She sat right back in the chair. Just before, I thought there was no way winning me back today. Yeah. And as my best friend, you knew that what I needed was to consume my fucking body weight in butter.

That last one is still... Do you guys want to taste this fucking butter? Is that crazy? That last one is unbelievable. It is the most beautiful butter. It is like velvet smooth. The texture is unbelievable. The saltiness is just on the precipice of being too much,

but then it pulls back and gives you a beautiful richness in the cream. But you know when you have a really foamy and thick latte, like the milk has just been frothed and it's thick, like it's a hot chocolate in a fucking aeroplane. That's what that butter tastes like. That butter, that might be the most delicate and full thing I've ever eaten. it's like a dessert it's like

God, fat people eating butter that's just what the internet needs isn't it? They're going to love that they're going to love that like I've never sounded more passionate about anything except that A triple C

God what a fat people love butter and complaining fucking sign me up hey! Oh, you've nailed me on that one so what are you doing to? I'm into having butter straight in and complaining about shit.

Yeah. What do you hate? Yeah, but you know what? What's the opposite of that? Oh. Something with no flavour that kind of works. Fuck off. Nah, fuck you.

Have a better life than that. So true. That butter, the lecochorant, what did you call me? That's beautiful. I will deep throat that lecoquoerrant. And you know. Straight down. Yeah, and you will.

And you should. The only thing that I'll say is the only thing that could make that butter better. I'm actually afraid of what you're going to say. And I'm afraid because you're right. Well, I don't know if you do because this is a compliment. The only thing that could have made that better is the bread. And you've absolutely cooked on the bread. Yeah.

It's a delight. What were you going to say? You're giving actual criticism? No. No, this is a safe butter place. there is a cultural difference between a creamy butter that's come from the hills of France and a baker's delight. It's like a cross-cultural.

Yeah. Can you imagine that butter on that bread with, like imagine that made into a fairy bread. That would fuck. That would fuck. That would be really yum. Like the best of, like the best of all the world.

We don't. You're joking. Do we have? Do we? We've got sprinkles. You know how many sprinkles we've got? Hundreds and thousands. Oh! Oh.

We got so close there. We got so close. We flew too close to the sun. It's the Icarus. Yes. That gave me the Icarus. You fucking wooden, would you? Oh my god, I just went on such a roller coaster of a motion thinking that we did,

and everything that we did. Oh my god. Charles. A brand new one. Charles, how did you do that? Charles, how did you do that? I also found the salt and pepper I was looking for the other day, so that's good. Oh, I don't. I don't care.

It's with the same. Charles not had chicken tenders in the air fry yesterday afternoon. nice nice oh my shitting fuck Tony Lodge is about to eat fairy bread on baker's delight bread

and French butter with the fanciest butter known to man I mean I mean have one more big buy because once you hand that over you ain't getting them back

I go ate that and go rhyme full eye contact I can't move my legs is it everything oh that's fucked cunt that fuck and leave that that one but the original yeah leave the original in oh that is absolutely dilapful that's gorgeous that's deliciousana that's just

this okay Ryan is having an out of body experience with the fairy bread and butter and it really that is Gorgina If I died today Oh tell me

It would be okay Because after I've had this What else is there? Sure it's fine Yeah I'd like to work a bit longer To help my daughter pay for school and stuff But look after her If you died today

I look after Mabes and Bridge You know that Oh my phone Fuck that's good now I do have a concern that I need to raise with the fruit is the fact we're still doing a podcast that's quite a part of it but no I think that before we get to those logistics of going

having a break coming back doing normal now but in the past when we've been feeling a bit awful like things of you know we've been like we need to come back together we have reconnected with the horse photo such as today as evidenced by earlier I hate to break it to you guys but I think that the horse photo is actually not going to fucking cut it anymore.

I'm going to need some French butter and some Baker's Delight bread and some fucking springies. You know what? If we have to do that. But the emergency, like we're going to have to have like a break in emergency, you know, box of this available. A fresh bread every day. Yes, just in case. Divorce wouldn't be a concept we were familiar with if everybody had this butter in their home. What would they be to fight about?

If everybody had that. Do you think that's why my mom and dad broke up? Well, yeah, maybe if they tried the cocker-in, they'd be together still. Maybe, because I've seen them in the same room once. That is crazy. I think it's because I haven't had this combination. Yeah. Because like why would, like, why would they turn up?

Yes. To see each other? No, but they come together for that. Don't say come together. Oh. Too much. Sorry, Mom, if you're listening. Yeah, sorry, Mandy, love you.

Yeah, Dad wouldn't be listening. Sounds like that. Same. Oh, your mom wouldn't be either, so. And thank God for that. Thanks for rubbing that in you. Yeah. Oh, for two.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Jesus, it's gone downhill. We might have to have some more of this. Hi, I'm John Terry from fabulous Las Vegas in the US. Hi, I'm Sophie from Perth, Western Australia. Hi, I'm Georgie from Melbourne, Australia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

We've had a butter break. We're feeling much better. We've horsed. We've buttered. And we've just talked about other versions of tourism that we could do. Before we push on. You can fucking push on any day of the week's sweater. Well, it's funny you mention that because is French butter an aphrodisiac?

Because I'm ready. You horny. I'm so fucking barred up. I don't want to say horny ever again. I'm sorry for saying horny. I don't think I've ever said that before. Maybe say like horned up or like a bit, you know, but I wouldn't say horny. That feels really yucky.

You said it? I reckon put into Tap said what. I don't think I've, I don't think I have. Tap said what.com. Yep. Horny. Horny. Because does anyone else feel the need to.

Jerk off. I'll jerk you up. It doesn't say that I've said it. Yeah, Tony four. Four, four, four, three, one, seven. Oh. Yeah. It's definitely heavier on Ryan than Tony.

Oh, this episode, we love clit lit, five hits and all Tony. Oh. Four, and there's one. Yeah, okay. All right, well, I take it back. I've said horny a lot. Are you feeling horned up? How upsetting that you can't say something like I've never said horny before and get away with it?

Yeah, there's receipts at every corner. You just say something and Charles goes, no, you know? Champion Tarpers, we love you. I'm sending every single one of you a French butter factory. Ryan is feeling horny. Thank you, Claire McGuire. Good on you, Claire. Sammy, good on you, Sammy.

Bree, love to see it, Bree. Thank you. Casey Burke, Sheila F. Brittany Canary. Like the bird. A canary in New Zealand. Ragnaleaf, put on your Ragnolief. Sharnie Simmons, love to see it.

Sharnie, Michaela Sutton, Quicks and Amy Kennett. Thank you very much for being here. We love to see. say it. Thanks, Amy, Kenneth. I feel like because I've had that butter. Now I need something sweet. Like 100,000,000,000.

100,000,000. Would you like some chocolate ice cream? No, no, I don't. With hundreds and thousands in it. Because we have that in the freezer. We do have that. I'm going to have some after this because I agree. I need, when you've had some fat, you need some sweet.

Yeah. Or I need some acid, like maybe like a salt and vinegar chip or something. That would slice me in half. That would slice me in half. You're right though. What? We have that. But you're right though.

It's an acidic to just like... Cut through. Do you know what would fuck? That bread and butter with the salt and big chips inside. A fucking chippy sandwich? A chippy sandwich I think could cure most ailments. The crunch and the softness. It just...

You know what? A salt and a good chip. do to my person right now. It would be the equivalent of having like a piece of wire go through butter. It would just slice me in half. And maybe just like unclothed the arteries a bit because we did just like chomp on a heap of straight butter. Yeah.

Or maybe even just like a loosen about. That's so gross. That is so upsetting. Or a really cold diet Coke. There's really fizzy. Oh. All this is. Tony and I have.

We have all this shit here. Tony and I are having a great time right. now, but I apologise for this being the worst episode ever. Because we're having a good time. But this is so uninteresting to other people. Or is everyone sitting there salivating wanting a slice of it. Sorry for saying a slice because yes, I do. Maybe you're horny for what we're saying.

I'm just going to say horny more. Do you think, nah, all good. Yep, normal or nah. Tapa, Emily. Hi, Emily. Thanks for being here. Eating Taco Bell in the bathtub after a long run. Oh.

Normal. Except for the running. Not for the running and not the Taco Bell, but not eating in the bath, yes. I'm training for a marathon. Fuck, everyone's given it a bit of the moment. Run for hours and stopped for Taco Bell on the way home. Little takeaway in the drive-thru, perfect. And then, and...

I'm so sorry, but just then when you... Did you think the same thing, Charles? The drive-thru? The drive-thru, but she's like run through. Oh, yeah, and she's like jogging on the spot so she doesn't lose her pace or whatever. Welcome to the McDonald's marathon where we do 127 last. through the drive-through. Just keep going around.

That's a really good video idea. Okay, so she gets, she gets home. And she's got the bag of Taco Bell. Shut the fuck up. You just run through the drive-thru and then done the rest of the run holding the bag. Yeah, I did that in the one kilometer mark and then knocked out 41 more kilometers after.

Yeah. So she gets home. Yep. She's holding the Taco Bell. Yep. And she's covered in sweat. And whatever and her running clothes. And she goes,

huh, am I showering and bathing first and letting the taco bell get cold? Yeah. Or am I eating that, but I'm still a bit sweaty and gross. And then you feel like you can't really relax. Yeah, because you're like,

are you just like, you're woofing it down and then you're going to go have a shower. Not Tapa Emily. No. She's fucking smart than that. She just went, Una lost dos. No.

Put me in the bath and let me have some tacos. No. Call her the fucking entertainment book because she's got a two for one. Do you know where you would get a voucher for the greatest scope of Hillary's boat harbor? The Perth Entertainment Book. The Perth Entertainment Book. That you'd pay $75 for from your primary school in.

Use one fucking coupon. And you get a whole year full of coupons. And isn't that great to not use any of them? Weren't they one of the great scams, those entertainment books? What a scam. You'd never use it. Or you go and go, can I use this? And they go, no.

And you go, I'm like, no, you can only use it on a Tuesday between 3 and 5pm. Yeah. Sorry. Oh, cool. Can I get this? No, we don't set that till after 6 and you go. Oh, okay.

Well, it's 4 o'clock. Like, I'm not waiting. What am I going to? Like, I'll just pay, I guess. You go to the sizzler and they go, oh, no, it doesn't cover the salad bar. And I go, what the fuck else do you sell? Why am I at a sizzler? If I can't get the salad bar.

Do you know what I mean? Dude, like, I didn't come here for the fucking tourism. Do you know what I? Like, like. I didn't come to Sizzler for just the butter. Well, because who would do that? I'm psychopaths. Do other countries have the, like...

The other countries have or had those entertainment books where you basically pay up front for a book full of vouchers and coupons with the assumption that you're going to make the money back on all your discounts. Did you have that in Tamworth, Charles? I have never heard of this. You've never heard of the entertainment board. Yeah, probably before his time. Oh. Because I haven't done it like since the internet.

Yeah, Groupon. Oh, fuck you. Sorry, Charles. That was at you. But I meant your generation. Tony Lodge. Yeah. Could you be trusted eating a taco in the bath?

Yeah. The food one. Oh. Sorry. I've just had a flashback from a different life. Um, the, what? Hmm, you heard. Um, could I eat a taco in the bath?

Yeah, totally. I like eating in the bath. Do you remember when I told that story about how I ate that cheeseburger in the QT hotel in the bath in Sydney? And the meat juice. And all of the juices came out and I was like a little dumpling. Yeah. It was like I was in like a seasoned boiling pot of seasoned water.

And it smelled delicious, but I had to have a good scrub after. because the burger oils, and I bet that the Taco Bell would have done something similar, the burger oils started to soak into my skin like a bath bomb from Lush, and I started to really smell like a friar, like a deep friar. Friar.

Did you know? Oh, that's a silly giggle. I like that. When I was driving between Austin and Dallas, I stopped to get petrol and at the road... Did you drive? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, I'm so proud of you.

And at the road stop, there is a petrol station, a hot dog stand and a lush store selling body products. What else do you fucking need? What else do you need? I didn't know lush existed outside of Northland and Greensboro Plaza and there was one in like random small town road stop in Texas. and my body just didn't know how to respond. My brain was just like, what the fuck? I thought it was like a small Australian little business. I've been to a lush in the middle of Tokyo.

Really? Yep. I honestly thought it was a mum and dad set up and a little Melbourne beers and there's a couple of stores around. Yeah, and I just saw that and I went, you're fucking joking. I don't throw this word around lightly, but I would say conglomerate.

You do throw that word around. I reckon it's like... Lush. Charles, can you Google how many Lush stores are there in the world? Faster. If it's more than six, I will be... Oh, Kuntner. See you later.

It's at least 50. 869 across 50 countries. 50 countries. 869 stores. It started in England. Oh. What? I hope they're not listening.

We're about to go there. Oh, yeah, we get stopped at the border. And they're like, excuse me, have you talked shit about Lush? Oh, it sounds like you didn't like lush. That is a crazy situation to find a lush. But there's a lot. Like, it's a huge thing. Because I was a bit stressed driving on the wrong side of the road.

And I was like, you know, I would go well. That's what I'm saying? Congratulations. I didn't know that you drove there. But it was your first time. That's crazy. I think I will spray some lush skin mist. In your eyes.

Like I did you during the Tarpathon that time. Oh, I'll calm me down. Pish, psh, psh, psh. Oh, I don't feel that well, Tony. Do you mind spraying best? me my heart. Yeah. And then up my

ass and fucking wear it up. Poison into my retinas. That would be really fucking helpful. You know what

would be helpful. You know what would be helpful because I'm feeling me it off. If you get some acid and put it into my cornears.

What a corneous? I said that with confidence. I don't really know. I'm putting some poised in my retina. Retina.

Who's the guy that does the eyes. Ophthalmologist. No, the guy's name. That's a, that's birds. John Holland. Who? What?

Bailey Nelson. No. Type in Holland fixing eyes. Eye doctor. Is ophthalmologist birds, Charles? Charles is doing a lot of Googling right now. Charles, Charles, get two tabs.

You can do multi now. Do two tabs. That might mess with the upload speeds. Um, Dr. Lee Holland? No. No. Charles, where are we out with the ophthalmologist? Could you put some poisoning to my retinas?

That's really funny. That's really funny. Um, there you go. Ophthalmologist, birds. Oh no, that is eyes. What's birds? Ornithologist. That's ornithologist.

Oh, thank God. Oh, fuck off internet. I'm looking for this specific eye doctor and it goes, Oh, I know the guy. Is he's name Oscar Wiley? But I said Bailey Nelson, thinking that's what you meant, yeah. Fred Hollos! Friend Hollos!

Who's that? Type in Fred Hollos. I don't know what you're doing about. No, you will. One of the great Australians. Yeah. If he's from our country. He's from New Zealand.

Oh, basically. He's an ophthalmologist. Was a New Zealand Australian... He's an ophthalmologist. Frederick Hollos was a New Zealand Australian orphanologist. who became known for his work, restoring the eyesight for people in Australia and many other countries through initiatives

such as the Fred Hollow's Foundation. That's amazing. Oh, he died the same year I was born. Maybe you reincarnated. Maybe you're Fred Hollows. I'm cute. I think he did work with like world vision and like, like, he gave vision to the world.

can you dive in Fred Olo's world vision Once you regain consciousness, Charles Because that is one of the fucking dumbest things I've ever said He had a vision for a world Where no person was vision impaired I'm so sorry Is world vision from that Because it was eyesight related

Our vision is simple We think everyone should have vision No, okay So there's nothing to do with world vision But you're saying world vision in that I don't know how you're not dead right now because I literally, if I'd been wearing a tampon, it would have shot out and hit Tommy in the face. That is how hard I laugh just then.

I have never felt so overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed. Is it a hot in here? I'm hot. I'm hot. I am sweating French butter. Okay. So, World Vision isn't about eyesight.

No, but like he might have incorporated his work into the thing. I think he had a way. world vision but it's separate to world vision that the charity and that's Australian so most people aren't going to know what we're talking about anyway fuck that has just really fucking can you believe we've come this far today like just earlier like it was it was on the teetering on the edges of I'm going to need to lay down with the fan on for a bit after this I don't know what we've got to do from here but just know that that's on the cards for me I've got to you love to sit because I can't do any more normal than ours because I am going to breathe out

my penis. So, um, oh, I thought that wasn't possible. Now, I saw this question the other day and it was just like one of those little quiz-y things and we can, we'll do it here. Little quizzied. You get to add one zero to anything in your life. What would you choose and why? For example, you have one Audi.

So if you add a zero on the end, one zero, you could have 10 outies. Sure. Because you're adding a zero, but you can only add a, a zero to one thing in your life. Oh. Why do you think of that? Some of the comments were so funny, because I was thinking about it for realsies.

Yeah. Oh, but people have done funny ones. Well, no, Alona said, I would love to get 50 weeks paid annual leave every year instead of five. That's good. Adding zero is 50. Bang, there it is. Lucas said I would like to add it to my IQ.

So instead of 23 being 20, It's now 023.23. I say what he's done there. Ryan John said a 20 centimetre dick would be pretty cool. And Monica said instead of next week, my period would be 70 days away. Oh, that's good too. But what would we like to put a zero in? What about instead of three meals a day?

30. That's pretty fucking good. That's good. That is good. What about... Instead of the speed limit being 100, it's a thousand. I just can't even think. Instead of having two nipples, you could have 20.

Two nipples. Think about all the creamy butter we could get out of you. Do you remember when we're in Sweden and Charles said, can I have some of mummy's milk? I'm trying so hard to forget it And grabbed up my breast There's a video of it There is visual evidence

I didn't grab Because you didn't get to meet Fred Hollows And you're now a four eyes You could be a 40 eyes Have you ever been called four eyes? Yeah, at school I reckon It's not even that clever Oh, I don't even really get it

No neither Although I don't have two in glasses And I also don't One girl actually, she said to me, I think I knocked into her at school. And we were friends, but we were friends. I think I knocked into her.

And she went, use your fucking eyes. You've got four of them. And she went like that on my glasses, like poked me in the glasses and like pushed them onto my face. What a bitch. Yeah. You should have gone,

I think you need glasses slut because clearly you can see I've only got two. Do you need glasses? Are you okay? Do you have our world vision? What I would say is that like, it's quite quick from her. Like, use your eyes, you've got four of them. It's quite quick. That's quite clever.

What would I add a zero to? The amount of times I need to shit each day would go to 90. Instead of nine. Yep. It's quick maths. Maybe instead of having won two Webbies, we've won 20. I just saw the trophy behind you. Instead of scoring a nine.

on the Bristol stool scale, I could have scored a 90. Boston? Yes. Who's Bristol? Hardly no. I actually know your answer, and I know Charles' answer

because it's the same. What is it? It's a zero on the end of however many status credits you currently have with Qantas. Oh, that's good. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

For in perpetuity forever. That would get us over. I'd be set then. Lifetime platinum, baby. Let us know in the comments or the episode thread in our Facebook group. What would you add a zero to? That's good. It's fun to dream.

It is. I think it's also you have to be a bit more creative than like what would you do with a million dollars? Like, obviously that's fun to like imagine having that kind of money. But like... Ten dicks. Ten dicks. Ten dicks. Oh, no, I've got an answer.

I would add a zero to the amount of years I could spend. with Torbs. So if we've got like, say we've got 50 years left, I'd love 500 more years with him. No, I'd add a zero to the amount of years that Pippa's going to live. Oh, so she'd have like 30 years left. She's not going to die in three years. How old is she now? She's four. I reckon she'll make it to 11. I've got a thought that she'll make it to 11. So she'd be 110, you guys. Yeah. Okay. Beautiful thought. Yeah. And so. that like, right. As she is now.

That's what I was going to say because like, you can't bring logistics into the game. I know, but I've just thinking of like, I've got 10 dicks, but you're like, well, you're don't know. Let's not be silly. I was just thinking of quality of life for the poor little sweetheart. But when you said as she is, I'm like, yeah. You're not. Like, but it's just a game.

Yeah, but like I'm, I don't think it's possible. But imagine if I was 800 years old, how fucking decrepit I would be. You're rough now. Oh, that's what I mean. I just want to sit and scroll memes. I know. And I have to do that for 100,000 more years. Do you know what would add a few?

years. Well, shave a few years off literally, but add a few in spirit. More of that butter. So true. I've got a very sweet little you love to see it. Weeks between needing to wax my back. At a zero. Instead of it being eight to ten, it's 80 to 100. That's good. Yeah. You make it to you make it in you. Okay. It's a very cute little you love to see it from Eileen Baker. She said, I have you love to see it that just happened. I'm at work and one of the girls I know, Amber is also a tarpa, but I have no idea. Oh my God. She just told me she saw me in your guys video approving the podcast.

I feel like I know that bitch. So Eileen approved and then Amber was like, um, what the fuck? We work together. That's crazy. Amazing coincidence chat. And Eileen said it's so cool seeing tarpas in the wild even when you know them, but you didn't realize you both liked it. Yep.

Thanks for being here. That's fucking awesome. I can't wait today for you to have a chat about how shit today's fucking episode. Yeah. And you go, God, sorry. crooked. I mean, when they ate that butter, it got a bit better, but still. But you know what? Some days you don't have a good day and you just got to know that we're a part of a community that loves each other. And when I'm not having a good one, I lean on you.

Eileen Baker. Come on, Eileen. Buy her a drink first. Someone get a towel. Let's come on, I lean. I think like If you don't love me at my best You don't know You don't get to fuck me at my worst At my lover's When I won't say no to anything

If you don't If you don't take me for my best No If you If you don't love me at my best Then you don't deserve my worst No If you don't love my worst

Like deal If you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Yeah. Thank you, Charles. You know, whilst in this instance, and today's being an awful episode, extremely applicable. Yeah. I reckon people that say that and genuinely mean it. I'm like, you sound like a .

You're probably an asshole. You're probably at your worst a lot. And I'm actually all good. And I'll still stick clear. Yeah. If you at your worst is like this, then I don't want your best either. Are you saying that term? No.

Okay. I'm really hot, Charles. I can't believe you let me work when it was hot. It's like 22 degrees today. It's hot up here. Yeah. And it's actually 26 today. Oh, you guys have been arguing because you've been who uses that.

You use Apple or Google weather. Charles and I both use Apple. It's currently 25 though. 25 right now. I'm going to put the fan on and take my pants off and not in that order. Okay. Love you so much. Thanks for sticking with us.

Sorry. I apologize. Gino's. Love you. You know what? It's the end of a big week. We're doing our best. Put your feet up.

We still showed up for our best friends at Tarpus and Charles. Is he not a best friend? Oh yeah. I'm just saying extra. Hey. Yeah. Love you. Love you.

I love you. I love you. Actually. Yeah, but I'm so, I can feel the butter just pumping through my veins. The butter is really like I can hear it in my ears. It's so fatty. I can hear the butter. Yeah.

I can hear it like chuggy. through my veins. I'm going to get a kombucha. That is not what you want. All the upsetting things. That is not what you want. I'm, like... Oh, you know what I'm going to have?

A bourbon coat. No. No. You know what I'm going to have? More butter on bread and then some crunchy nuts. That's the most believable one. Seeing. Are we still going fucking out. Oh, love you. Bye. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Love you.