Toni and Ryan - Toni Got Caught In The Elevator

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Pippa's best friend - NORMAL or NAH - Hotel breakfast advice - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm in the lift. I like start needing to do a bit of a boot. I'm wearing overalls. And in the lift, I had to undo my overalls. And I'm like, it's coming. I don't have a lot of time. Hi, I'm Stephen from Big Sky, Montana. Hi, this is Kate and Tatum from Woodstock, Illinois.

This is Casey in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Rhymes podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author. Best Selling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Hello. This is my best friend, Ryan.

Well, let's not be too chummy because breaking news, scandal. Scandal. There was a moment yesterday I thought Tony Lodge was having an affair. There I said it. Because Charles got back. No. I'm on the phone to Tony yesterday and I said, where's your fiancé Torbs?

Oh, he's off at work. And then, as we're on the phone, I hear a man's voice at the door and you go, oh, hang on a second, Ryan. Put the phone down. And then I just, I hear this. Oh, yeah, I just got back. I've missed you too. Oh, I've missed you so much.

And I went, who is this strange man that's not Charles? Turning up during the day while the fiancés, it were. Who could it possibly be? Do you know who I'm talking about, Charles? It's Bruce. Oh, he's got an act. Bruce. And then five minutes later,

Tony comes back to the phone and goes, I see ya. Oh, sorry. Just, um, Pipper's favorite postman was at the door. My French Bulldogs' favorite postman came in for a chat. Pippa's got her favorites, apparently.

He does. And because you guys have been overseas and she's been with the dog sitter. Oh, poor Brucey. Bruce hasn't got his little Piper fix. So I, Pippa love. loves Bruce, but Bruce loves people so much.

So we have like a, I don't even know what you call it, but like it's our front window is like blacked out, but there's a tiny little spot so that people can see out, like on our front door. And so whenever he comes, she just loses it. She loves him. He loves French Bulldogs. And like so all these times he would come with our packages or whatever, and he would be like, oh, hello, and whatever.

and it was kind of chill. And then one day I was like, my name's Tony, by the way. He goes, oh, I'm Bruce. And I was like, would you like a hold? And he goes, oh, really would. And so now whenever he comes, I go, hey, Bruce.

And Pippa's like losing it. And I hand her over and I scan my own barso and sign the thing. If you scan your own parcel, do you get a discount on shipping? He gives me his family discount. Yeah. Yeah. And we chat. And if it's raining, I go, God, hope you stay dry today.

On a hot day, I'll be like, do you need any water? Like, we get along really well. I know, I heard it. He's called Bruce and he literally just gives Pippa the biggest cuddle. And she just, like, loves it. And he like roughs her up and she just loves it. So all I heard without knowing any of this was the doorbell go. And then, oh, you've missed this, haven't you?

And you'll grab some of this in Oh, and I go, what the fuck is going? I was like, oh, we've been away. And, yeah. And he goes, I heard him go, I know. Because I normally order so much shit. Yeah. And he's there all the time.

It's like I've missed you and it was almost like, me too. I've been here by myself, you know. He's such a bad. He's so sweet. I reckon he's like, he's such a babe. Yeah, he's such a babe. He's like, I reckon 65 years old. He's.

He's just this lovely old man. He trundles along and he's little, like, you know how the posseys are in the little, like, Popemobile? Yeah. Yeah. He's got one of those ones. He's got one of those. He's got one of those. A little, like, canopy over it.

Yeah. He's so lovely. He's so lovely. But just to confirm. I can neither confirm nor deny. Okay. I missed you too. No, he's so lovely.

He really is. I'm glad I brought this up. Yeah. To the bottom of it. Brucey. Being said, every time he comes, though, like, Torbs watches it. Torbs can watch it on the ring doorbell. Oh, he likes to watch.

And so then we get, he gets over and he goes, oh, Bruce around today. And I was like, yeah. Can we? And then he'll go to people. Did you see your friend Bruce today? And she'll get, can from the ring doorbell, we get like a Bruce montage? I can, I can show you, Bruce. Yeah.

We'd just black out my street behind it, whatever. But yeah. Is anyone else on the good. side of reservoir. Cop and Bruce. Getting Brucey up in their grill as well. And if you are, I'm so happy for you. He is so lovely.

Yep. I would. And he walks like covered in dog hair. Yeah. People just like fully mults on him and then he walks off. He goes home to his French bulldog and the French he goes, oh, she's back. Is she? Oh my God.

Can you imagine? Lipstick on his collar. I just a collar. Yeah. What? I'm the collar of your shaft. All right. Here we go.

Let's do normal lorna. We call it the foreskin. Now in the collar over the other end? The general name. Inside this. If you comically had a circumcised penis and you like, like, we're like, what is a collar? It would just be the four. That's what it would be.

In a little bow tie. Color on collar. You try and go into a fancy hotel. They go, nah, collars on. No. Sorry, man. I have to button up here. normal or nah thanks for sending me through

she know in Perth that strip club what the fuck are you about to say what the fuck are you about to say and it's called collars and cuffs is it I only realised that we bought the collars and cuffs for me to be the topless waiter and I didn't wear them

I just wore the budgie smugglers and didn't wear the cuffs I forgot to give away all the harmonica t-shirts yeah sorry shout out to cuffs and collars in Perth, though. Colors and Cuffs, yeah.

Should we do our Perth show from there? Down, no, no, no. We just, we do our 45 minutes before they do there. 45 minutes. It's just an extra long show. Yeah, extra long show. Oh, Colors only. I think it's shut down.

Last year. There's anything in. Last year. Oh, that's actually a longer rhyme that I would have given him. Does anything stay open in Perth? Oh, so Fremantle's on top of the ladder at the moment in the Australian football league. And so the Bell Tower time. great Perth establishment.

We're like, last time Fremant was on top of the ladder, this is what was happening in town. The throwback, fucking, oh my God, so many people have tagged me in that. Yeah, I bet. Because of that fucking thing and thinger. Yep.

You know what I'm talking about. What am I talking about? Fuck, I know what you're talking about. It's not an adventure world. Torb sent it to me as well. The place near the water up north. Great escape. Hillary's Boe Harbor, Great Escape.

Yes, yes, yes. So many people sent it to me because I had that in it. Anyway, okay, no, on up. Let's do normal Fucking your posty Normal This is from Sorry I've had too much sugar

Top of Bruce says Railing that hot slut in reservoir On the dog trip What? He's fucking my neighbour as well Michael Jordan Imagine If Michael Jordan

Calls up the pod Because it's live And he goes I love Bruce Yeah Since I moved in Next door to your join He goes

Bruce is always patting my dogs Yeah But it's his feet. Okay. This is from Tapa Mari. Hi, Mari. Mari Claire, the magazine. Speaking of things that doesn't exist anymore.

So true. Is Mari Claire gone under? I just assumed more magazines. I think. How crazy is it, though? That magazine's like Take Five and, you know, that like crosswords and stuff in them. They're all still going. And you know, the cover story is always like,

how my husband drinks eight bottles of milk per day. Yeah. And shit like that. And it's still in print. Marri Clare is. Yeah. You're joking. It's like,

what about Cosmopolitan? That's gone. I think that came back and then went under again. Just like you. Up and down. I always come back, but I go under again. Yep. Anyway.

Still in print. It's like, good for Cosmopolitan. Are all the magazines back? Do we miss something? Did you ever? But they like digital only now. Do you remember like Girlfriend Magazine? Yes.

And I had like the sealed section. Yeah. Should we do a sealed section of the podcast? Fuck. The whole thing will be sealed up. So true. Stealing food off your kids plate and telling them you're testing it for poison. Tapa Mari asked is this normal or nah?

I made the food. I know it's not poison, but I'll bite it anyway. Oh, thanks for telling us that you know what's not poison. We get it. No, sorry, we get it. I'm doing it for their safety. Anyone else doing this because they love their kids so much? I know it's not poison.

No, we're acting. It's just pretending the food's poison. No, I think that's cute. I reckon as a kid you would get a kick out of that being like, oh, mom, don't. But also, like, it's, I feel like it's a right of passage because you make this delicious toast with the perfect spread amount. of vegime and then you go and you smell that freshly cooked sourdough and you go well I'm not not having some of that I think toast especially always taste better when somebody else has made it and it always smells better when so if someone else is making a piece you go fuck I don't

just walk into the kitchen and you just know um I I love a bit of toast I could leave on toast we're about to potentially get a new toaster and kettle oh that's nice. What do you think? Can you go in the Breville? Well, I don't know because is it cool to like have them the same? I don't know about cool. Like, I don't, I don't know.

I don't like a like smeg and shit. I'm not into that. But just like they're kind of like, even if they're not like the same color, but it's like they can't because they sit next to each other. Yeah. You want to kind of be like cousins almost. Well, our stuff is like brevel. So it's that like brushed stainless steel kind of.

look and it is nice, I guess, that they go together. Like, our coffee machines brevle as well. Yeah. The toaster, though, that we've got. Remember, I said that I splurged on that toaster. How's it going? It's fucking nice. Maybe that's what got me thinking about it.

It's fucking nice. I mean, that was a few years ago. It's still gone strong. I think we're going to get a kettle because we don't have this at the moment where because we've just got like you click the button and a boil. You've got to. Like the 70 degree, the 93 and the whatever. You've got to.

You've got to. Do I have to? Do I have to? You've got to? You got to, mate. Because we've got in... You won't know yourself. Because we've got into teas.

You won't know yourself. And we're having black teas because I keep having Earl Grey at night and then I can't sleep. And shocker, there's fucking caffeine in it. Yeah, Ryan just discovered that. So by the way, if anyone wants to know, T-2 at Doncaster. So if you can get a parking spot, you should go down there. Yeah. Lovely.

Mowl. Fucking legend. Nice on the name. Yeah. Not usual for you. Very good. because she came over and goes, oh, can I give you an L gray? And I was like, thank you for remembering my tea order, Mel, but actually no, here's what

I'm after and here's what I like. And she goes, shut the fuck up, sit down. Let me run you through some favorites. You know, some black, some milky, like some little lattes, but some are good at night because it still gives you that sweet treat, but it's not caffeinated, like. You know how at the tea too? Yeah. They've got that little wet kitchen in the middle.

That's where we, yeah, she's like, serve me right up. And sometimes you get a little cup of a little fruit tea or something. So guess what I had? This will fuck you right up. Don't. Don't. I had. Don't.

A sticky date latte. Fuck off. I'd be your sticky date for that. I sticky dated in my pants. A sticky date. And then she goes, oh. What are you talking about? She goes.

Tea? Yeah. And she goes, I'll, um, I'll do it with a vanilla soy. What? Because the vanilla of the soy mixing with the, can we actually bring that up, Charles? Can we just type it? in Sticky Date tea at T2 because you can have it black and it's nice and I also got a like a tumric and ginger which you know I'm kind of into at the moment.

Yes, nice. Yeah, Sticky Date's a light. Sticky date. Oh, it's a rubus. Oh. Oh. That's just a picture of sticky oat pudding. She goes, it's great as a black but you can also like, yeah, do a little latte number with

some soy and honey. With some like frothing yolk. Oh, that is delicious. Because yeah, caffeine-free. Because she's like, if you want a little sweep at night, this will take your ride out. Sorry, I have to stop thinking about that. I'm just looking at the T2 website now.

Rubis, chicory, caramel pieces, sugar, flavoring, marigold petals, fig, dates. Fig and fig, both. Both kinds. Yeah, treatise. It would be more than 2% of dates in it, wouldn't you? Like, that's got top billing on the name. You'd think there'd be a bit more.

Well, sticky is the top. Sorry. I actually, I actually didn't think that the date in sticky date was about dates. No, same. I just like, and then you go. The cake's called sticky date. Sticky date. That's just the name of the cake.

Sometimes stuff's just places. Yeah. But it's actual like dates, like a medial date. Do you know what I had the other night? Because I have actually, this is rare for me, but I've really been suffering with jet lag since we got back from Italy. Well, I believe you bullied some people while we're away by saying jet lag is a choice. And it is a choice and I never ever choose it. But this time, it has chosen me.

I've very much struggled this time. And really, I don't normally, it doesn't normally bother me. But you know what I had the other night? Milo have released. I'm already in. Yeah. Milo. It's like a sleepy time. Milo, it's got like more magnesium in it, more...

Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Shut the fuck. I know. And Torbs frothed me up a little, oh! Torbs frothed me up a little fucking nighttime Milo. And I had that on the couch and I hopped into a little beddy bath. Restore overnight, rich in magnesium and iron.

Yeah, it's absolutely. Did you foam it up in the coffee machine? Yeah. I sure fucking dear. All right. Here's a controversial question. You know what I did as well. Torbs handed it to me and I took a sip and I said more chocolatey.

Yeah, you're going to have to go again. I was like, you can have that one. Here's a question. And this is controversial and I'm not going to judge you. No, no, no, judgment freeze on. Do you heat up the milk and then like pour it into the jug with the myelow and stuff? Or do you put the milo in the jug and then froth it with the milo in it? Yeah, because then it dissolves.

Yeah, and fucks your coffee machine right up. But it's worth it. Probably. I can't imagine it's good. But it's pushing out. It's not sucking in. Well, it has to, the circle of life and the water cycle.

I love that you've brought that back to Australia with you. Thank you. But no. But like it's in there. Like it gets dirt. Like the particles would surely. No, but the steam is water coming out of it.

You don't want to stop steaming. Or when it's like it doesn't suck back. I don't reckon it would be that bad for it. Well, I mean, I hope it's not. I'm actually so happy to be wrong, but I don't know if it would be. It's a superior way to make it. It's way better. But I just don't.

There's something that says to me that's not good for the machine. I always do it. Because my sister, God fucking bless her. She only drinks a mokker. Like she wouldn't ever just have a coffee. She would always have a coffee. She'll always have a mucker. I don't hate a mokker, but that is the most liby thing I've ever heard.

Isn't it? It's so her. and it really suits her brand, but it's like so funny to me. What is her brand? Just like, it's quite whimsical. I feel like it's quite a whimsical drink. It's childish. If I.

Non-derogatory. Okay. Apparently the cool thing Charles confirmed is instead of like a first date going for dinner, apparently it's common for like you meet someone and you're like, oh, well, let's meet for a coffee and go for a walk. Like it's a bit of a low stake. That's kind of cute. Did Charles really tell you that?

I've never done that. No, no, but like for young, is that a common thing rather than like we're going out for dinner on a date. It's like a bit of a low state. I've heard others do it. I haven't done it. Yeah, okay. Charles doesn't take him out for a date.

Imagine on a date. Yeah. Charles shows him his date. Charles gives them a sticky date. Yeah. Charles has a sticky date but he doesn't take him on a date. Sorry, Charles. You go, hey, let's meet at that cool cafe near that park and we'll have a coffee and go

for a walk and like. I think that's really sweet. I actually think that's great. Yeah. So I think that's a cute like friend outing as well. So true. Um, oh, hi, Tony. Lovely to meet you.

So glad you came down today. Hi, so nice to meet you. Hey, let me grab your cup. What would you like? Um, I'll just have a flat white. Thank you. Great. Um, I'll get a flat white and, uh, maca, thanks.

Yeah. Do you guys do marshmallows? I only have a pink one. Like, no. I just, I think it's so dorky. Anyway, so she only has a mokker. So I always have quite nice. Oh.

You know what always. Let me set the scene. Yeah. Please. You're ordering coffee beans online. Yep. At the end of your transaction, they always go, oh, add on a very fancy hot chocolate for $25. And you go, be rude not to.

Yeah, you would be rude. They always get you with the hot chocolate add on. Yeah. So I've always got a semi-nice hot chocolate. 25 is about three grand cheaper than they'll usually go for. Well, because the coffee beans are $80 for a kilo or whatever, but then like a thing of hot chocolate is normally not as expensive. I have a question. Okay.

I'll stop and go fuck myself what I was saying and you just go right ahead. My local cafe has changed coffee beans. Oh, controversial. I'm like, did you ask my permission? Was that at the Zendend? Making the... No, no, they wouldn't fuck with me like that.

It was, I? No, it was mine as gold. They've changed. And that's where we used to buy our coffee. So I'd go and buy a coffee and then get a bag to take home sort of thing and then get some coffee. And I'm like... But it's almost like, they need to put a sign out and go,

just letting you know. No, like, do we all agree? Is this okay? Or like, opt in. They did a full survey about it though when you didn't even see. But I rocked out the other day and was just like, whoa,

did we approve this? Have we? Are we all more? Has the suburb of research agreed that mine as gold can change coffee? Yeah. Please continue yourself. I actually do like the coffee there. I haven't been since it changed.

But the food there is quite good as well. They have that little catsoo chicken thing. Those sandwiches fuck up. Now, I believe you were saying something. No. So, like, I always have semi-nice hot chocolate in the house for Libby only, really. Oh, well, now that I know you're doing that, me and Charles might get involved. Yeah, you guys can swing around anytime.

You know that. You're invited all at all times. But I have been doing the hot chocolate in the, like, in the milk froth of this whole time. I didn't know that it is it bad for the machine. Are you Googling that? Yeah. Well, Reddit says it is. Shit.

Reddit would know. It actually would. Yeah. Fuck. What does it do? It just says it. like poses several wrists the machine's longevity and performance. But no one's gone into detail.

Nah, see, I think that sounds like a myth. I'm not feeling busted by that. People are just saying as long as you like, bug as a myth busters, bust or no bust. Yeah, I'm not feeling busted by that. If you vent it and clean it immediately afterwards, it should be fine. Oh, well, who doesn't do that? It's like if you clean it afterwards, what?

Well, I guess I'm out. I guess what is fun. Yeah. Because like on the Breville, I don't have a real fancy copy machine. It's like the Breville Bambino one. Yeah. But when you, after you froth, if you put it back down, it vents itself. Oh.

Because it's just a fully automatic, like, so. I vent myself in the car on the way home. If you want to beat yourself at home. That time's a bitch. Bridget. Oh, take that back. I thought you meant farting. Oh, no.

It was like venting about life. No, that makes more sense. Yeah. But don't call me a bitch. bitch and your hypothetical thing. I just can't. No, they don't have to be anything. But I'm venting.

Oh, so. I just can't be around her and not want to put my hands on her. Thank you for saying that. Is it? Yeah. You guys want to come around with hot chocolate? I was just venting. Oh, no, I have a grand date.

Like a venty? Oh, fuck you. You know in Italy what they call that? Large. Yeah. They call it Ariana Large. Not after 2 o'clock.

You wouldn't order that though, would you? Normal or nah from Tapa Danny? Our Danny? No. She wouldn't be caught dead doing this. Drinking straight from the Britta jug with a straw instead of using a glass. Oh, hell no. I work from home, live alone.

and like, why dirtier glass and then need to wash it? I grab a straw, stick it straight in the jug and cut out the middleman. I'm a real A to B guy. Drinking straight from the Britta jug with a straw, normal or nah. Not normal. And I'm going to stop you about three sentences ago. I don't want a dirtier glass and then have to wash it. You don't have to wash a glass if you only drink water from it.

It's water. It's water. Like grow up. Grow up. Yeah, but your mouth isn't just water, and I know that. Sly. No, I'm hell hearing what you're saying. Yeah.

I'm seeing it happen in real time over there. Yeah, because ill. Yeah. So like when we've come over and had water. I only drink for my bot bot. Your what? My pop pot. Do you clean that?

We've discussed this before, actually, yeah. Yeah, let's not get it down. But, you know how I didn't change the filter in the printer jug either? You have to change the filter in the fridge water thing because otherwise it just stops working. Like, it yells at you. No, it just goes like, well, no, we're shut off slut. Get away from me. Change my filter.

And it just stops working. It just stops working. You have to change it. Would it just start tasting like a fridge after a while as well as well? I guess it does, but yeah, like after you've gone through X amount of leaders or whatever it is, you have to change all the filters, and it just stops working. Life is just getting too hard. What does it want me to log in as well?

You know what I mean? Here's the app for my fridge. Fuck off. Tell that walking, sweetheart. I'm off apps. Oh, you've got to. Yeah, nah, I'm out. Do you know, oh.

Nah, all right, same. Great. Sorry, now that we come through that. I'm Stephen from Big Sky, Montana. Hi, this is Kate and Tatum from Woodstock, Illinois. This is Casey in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Welcome back.

Here's a shout out from Tony Lodge for our champion tarpers in our Patreon, who are in the running to come to Fiji. If you want to come traveling with us and a bunch of other tarpers, become a champion tarpa, tell us in 25, or less whatever the answer to the question is. I don't know what this month's question is. No, I'll say. And two more opportunities up for grabs and we're all going off to Fiji in November.

It's going to be so much fun. I'd love for you to come with us and have a great time. A few of the people in the running. Lucy Graham, good on you, Lucy. Thank you very much. Tyler, thanks for being here, Tyler. Kayla Bashiano, Tanisha Seaborne. Anything you might say there, time?

No. Heather Hurst, good on you, Heather. Coralie Wood. Thanks, Coralie. Eileen Baker. Samantha. Ashley Horner, but she is. Kendra Lankaster.

Kendra's been around for a long time. Brittany Rowland and Natalie Fennell. Thank you so much. The 25 words or less is what would be famously said by you in Fiji, which I think is kind of like a catchphrase of the trip. I like that. My current... Whoa.

Oh. No, I'm out. I'm out for the day. Oh. Don't stop talking there, sweetheart. My car. No, I said this on the trip in Italy, I think, and I haven't stopped singing it for like a week and a half. Let's go, Charles.

And I lose it every time I do it. And I just think it's so fun. So that would be my answer. Speaking of Charles, Charles just texted me. Speaking of my boyfriend, Charles. That question. Look what I texted you last in that chat.

The last thing I texted Charles was the video of that old man saying like, catch the drip. Oh. This guy. There seems to be too much drip in here. Slay the day. Rep the drip. Let's go. That was the last thing I sent to Charles.

And you know what? Words to live by. That was me pumping him up before he went on to the sail, Croatia. And did he catch some drips? You know what I'm saying? I think he did. Now, Tone, I believe you're in the middle or something. Yeah, sorry.

So I, we've been talking about going to Fiji. I'm so fucking excited because I love a buffet breakfast. And the ultimate thing on a family holiday is that everybody gets to kind of like, you know, you can put some things in your handbag and stuff because you've got so many people distracting other people. you can fit like six croissants in a zip block bag and eat them on the beach later. I've actually got a promise to the eight tarpers and their plus ones about the buffet for this exact thing. I have offered to apply sunscreen to people.

That offer still stands. You will also see me in a sinklet. What I am promising to do... Charles can take it a little bit, but you'll get to. On one day and I'll tell you in advance, why, this is the day, this is the time. Yep. I will cause a huge ruckus in the breakfast. So we can take as much tough as possible.

Yeah, so I'll be like, look over here. I'll fall over. I'll take a stack. I'll do something crazy. And you guys, you just be near the croissants and the whatever and you just fucking hold down, get them in your bags, get down, get the fuck out of there. I'm committing to making a scene in the hotel breakfast. That is actually big dick energy.

Thank you. That's friendship right there. Yeah. Because you just get snacky in the afternoon when you stay in a hotel and you can't make yourself a little bit of toast. That's the thing about. being in the hotel is you don't have your kitchen to, it's the in-between the bits. The bridging snacks.

Fuck, yes, it is the bridging snacks. That's what it is. It's that you don't have the opportunity to just have a little something at any point. It's like all or nothing with food on holiday. Can I tell you one of the ultimate bridging snacks? Yes. Bridget and Mabel the other day spent the afternoon making scons. Oh, yum.

And so I went and got some nice cream. We've got some nice genies. Damn. From the market. And then so it's like three o'clock and you go, oh, well, it's way too early for dinner. Yeah, no, the ultimate. Don't want a full meal. You wouldn't have a slightly warmed up scone, would you?

Fuck me. He baked good. I think he's good. But it is higher effort initially. But if you've got like a little muffin or a scorn, that is the perfect bricky snack. Were you stealing from the Taramina place? No, I wasn't. Were you scone?

No, I actually, I actually didn't steal anything from there. No. They had a good bread, like pastry selection. It was okay. Should we bring zippy bags to Fiji? 1,000% I love that you call him zippy bags It's so cute

He means a ziplock bag Ziplag bag Yeah It's a zippy bag He means a zip lock bag When you become an adult You would start calling a zip lock bag Do you know what

Ziploc bag I think I'll bring The huge one that I put my Cardigans in when I travel And that where you roll the air out But it's like this big How many fucking Sontis Do you reckon I can get in there? I'm going to bring my

Surfboard bag And fill it with a rugala Sands Surfboard I will not be bringing a surfboard to Fiji but I will be bringing a surfboard bag

and it'll look like oh geez that guy comes in for breakfast every morning before hitting the surf before gone bodyboarding Yeah before hitting the waves Yeah What else would the surf a say

Before carving it up Hang ten dog Before tens will be hung soon Because he's got his backpack on That's what Charles says And strange A bit of a rugler Seems to be coming out of the top of it

And it smells like Fresh Pace history. Yeah. Yeah. God. And he's got crumbs all over him. And he's never wet.

He never looks like he's been anywhere. You can see. He's never looks like he's been near the water. He's moitsa then a oitza. And he's put on 10 kilos in a week. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no croissants.

Can we please fill up the croissant bay? No, but I do have a PSA for breakfast. Because why the fuck, and this feels like hot take energy, but why the fuck is there never a bathroom near the hotel like, buffet breakfast. Because let me tell you halfway through breakfast, I need a shit. Because I've had two sips of coffee and one bar to toast. See you.

Over. What am I going to do all the way back to the room? So. Which place you're talking about specifically? Okay. So why? Because I am the public bathroom whisperer. Well, that's true, actually.

Well, people like me need to know. So my eyes are always darting and I'll go, okay, I reckon around there. Yeah. So that's actually a very good point. And yeah, I think that maybe we need to, yeah, we need to fucking share some knowledge.

But while we were in London, I bought myself these amazing overalls. You did. They were amazing. Still are. And thank you so much. And I really like them. And I wore them a lot for the rest of the trip

because they were one of the only short things I had because it was so fucking hot. And one morning. If you want a short thing, I got something for you. Pop off short thing. And then so one morning Imagine if your boyfriend

That was like his cute nickname Hey short thing It'd be so emasculating Yeah I can short thing Yeah you just have to really lean into it I think I wore these overalls down to breakfast

Yeah Like halfway through breakfast I like start needing to do a bit of a poo And I'm like no no no Like I'm halfway through breakfast I'll just hold it in That was such a mistake There was no toilet down there

So I had to go all the way back to the room It was on like the below ground level. We were on level five. Where was this, sorry? This was in Rome.

Oh, okay, fuck. And there was no bathrooms down in there, like, where their breakfast was. So I was like, no, I just hold it in. I just hold it in and be fine. I'm wearing overalls. And so.

You got to allow eight minutes to figure out how to get that off. To unstrap. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the lift. And I'm like, it's coming. I don't have a lot of time. I'm coming.

No, sorry. No, sorry, it's coming. It's coming. And Tobs is like, okay, well, I'll run ahead in front of you with the keys. I'll open the door. And in the lift, I had to undo my overalls. I didn't to get ready.

I had to. Was there anyone else in the lift? No, they've got little bows on them. But the level we were on was the same level as the fancy restaurant. And so there was a lot of people walking backwards and forwards on our level. but I just had to run the gauntlet and hope that no one was coming down while I walked down there, waddled with my little like overalls. Unstrapped. Touching cloth.

And I'm just holding them like, like gathered them in the front and I'm like waddling down the thing because I'd had one and a half coffees and needed to sit. And did you make it? Only just. But I started to slip the overalls off through the door. Yeah. I had to work fast. All right. Here's a question.

Question. do you reckon the shit was coming out before your butt cheeks touch the toilet? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you turn around and you like, you start the squat down and it's like, oh, it's already out. Yeah. Yeah. It was 1,000.

Isn't that when you know. Yeah. And you go, or sometimes if I kind of like, the same time that your ass makes contact with it, it makes contact with the water. And you go, that was close. Yeah. And then Torbs always goes, oh, you really did need to go. Like, that's nice.

Yeah. He's so supportive. But PSA, that I would wear clothes that are easy to get on and off. Maybe a dress, we could straight up, you're in. So true. All good. Or we could scout the toilets beforehand. I think that's a great idea, a piece of advice.

I believe that if you're serving coffee. Yeah. Oh, legally. Yes. Legally, there must be a bathroom right there somewhere. And I tell you, I'm going to call someone out. Charles. Nice guy.

I think Eddie's and the place next door. No coffee places, no toilets. Oh, would you like to sit in? And then what? Shit on the fucking street. Sit in and shit in. No, I'll get that takeaway. Because I need to go back to a toilet.

Because when I have three sips, guess what I'm doing? I'm going to be prairie doggen. Oh, do you want to sit in? No. Great takeaway. Legally, no. Legally. I actually don't have a toilet.

I've never thought about it. Privilege. Sorry. Yeah. Don't have to think about it. Non-IBS privilege. I didn't really notice without a bathroom. more you would have got an IBS.

Yeah, no, but that's what it's like. I'm saying, you know what it's like? I'm sorry. I got a question about breakfast. Question about breakfast.

So. Do you go a sweet or a savory breakfast? Like, what would be your ultimate? Mine's savory. I go savory, but I'll get a bowl of fruit. Like,

you know, it's like a fruit salad and that, so it's kind of sweet. But sweet pastries and, yeah, nah, not a breakfast. So I go down to breakfast and Mages,

which is Tommy's partner. She's there by herself. Yep. She's finished up her meal and she's just like sipping her coffee, reading her book. Oh, picturesque. Beautiful. Yeah. And I walk out with like my plate of food and a coffee in my hand.

And I go, well, she's looking pretty like reading her book, chilling out. Also finished her meal and is obviously just like maybe wrapping up shortly. Do I sit down at her table because she's a part of our. party and go, hey, what's up? You know, what did you get this morning? And she's like, oh, I'm just dreaming. So you kind of like, you got to like, respect that you're doing something else.

But on the other hand, you don't want to be like, well, I'm not sitting with you. Imagine she looks up and I just walk straight past. And she goes, oh, I guess I'll go fuck myself. Oh, no, it's the worst. Yeah. So do we next time, I don't know if we need a little like flag system where you like, little flag up that's sort of like, no, thank you. Yes, for company or no.

Yeah, like they do not disturb sign. But bring it. down with you. Yeah. Um, no, I, I had a similar, not with Mikes, but I did have a similar situation. What did you do? Well, Lily, Bonnie and Danny were all sitting down there inside. Yeah.

And I, every, if I ever have an option, I will always sit outside. Like that's, yeah, I love it. They were sitting inside and I was like, oh, I feel a bit rude. Like, just going, being like, hi, walking past them and going outside. Great days and it. See you. So I sat down inside and then they all get up and go, bye, have a great day. Sitting inside like a fucking loser.

And I was like, well, now I've already sat down. What I'm going to do? Hool my shit out there? Well, yeah, because I'd already. Go dirty up another spot. Dirtied up all the stuff. Yeah. Now I'm learning you can't just drink water and put the cup back.

I mean, things are changing. So, I mean, I just thought, oh, I put their happiness above mine there. And doesn't that just sound up your whole life? And who loses then? Me? Yeah. Because they wouldn't have cared. No.

They wouldn't have been like, Tony, such a bitch. She sat outside. They would have just been like, okay. Like, they wouldn't have even thought about it. Nope.

They left anyway. Yeah. So then I was sitting in, so fucking asshole. What did you do? Halfway between two tables. You put your feet up at Mages's table. I sat down at Mages's table and she goes,

no, I'd have a great day and got straight up and left. Fuck. She was like, don't sit down, don't sit down, don't sit down. Hi, bye. No,

I actually think she was wrapping up, though. but you know what I reckon she went upstairs and said to Tommy oh my God I was just about to leave and Ryan sat down and I'd already started sending up do you think he's up a bitch like I reckon it goes back the other way did it?

No I didn't hear that oh she doesn't give a fuck she's like oh and Slate yeah great thanks for not taking that really making an impact yeah great she didn't even notice you she thought you were the weird old man

that kept yelling at everyone when they didn't know their room number in Italian quite niche but very appropriate did I miss something there did that man not yell at you he yelled at me every day same he told me one day he told me I couldn't eat

until I set my number in Adalian oh that guy oh the one old man yeah oh the one old man in Italy oh that one old Italian oh that one old Italian guy yeah you know in Italy that old Italian guy that one old man

I got a lot to seat here it is from Lex Robinson Now Lex, eight years ago moved to New Zealand All the way to a new country of New Zealand With their partner Huge life change, new country, new start a whole thing And then four years in

They broke up Oh shit Oh and you go well we've done this whole move together Yeah and I've kind of like made some friends And like you know tried really hard to Totally So Lex was like you know what I'm staying

I'm gonna be brave I've made this new life I actually like it here in New Zealand. I don't want to leave. They're not the only reason for my being, you know. So four, that was four years ago. So then they're now up to eight years. And Lex hasn't been home since for eight whole years.

Holy shit. I mean, New Zealand's a long way. I don't know where you move from, but it's a long way. I believe they're in Europe somewhere, but I don't know that also. But they haven't been home for eight years. She's booked a trip home. And the family doesn't know yet. Doesn't know they broke up.

No, no, it doesn't know that she's coming home. Oh! So Lex is also a twin. And the twin... Oh, I'm going to need a fucking piece by, but... So you're introducing too many characters. There's literally two. No, the partner.

And the partner. Yeah, he's old news. So Lex is a twin, and the twins haven't seen each other for eight years. Well, I'm every day in the mirror. Miss you. Oh, there you are. Yeah, what else is there? You know? But so after eight years, the twin's going to come.

to like a family dinner and the other twin's going to be there by surprise and she's going to go oh who put a mirror in that spare seat? Who's a mirror? Well, I thought it was nice. No, he's really not. Sorry I just got stuck on the twin. It feels like a full circle moment. From one of the lowest points in my life to something I genuinely can't wait for.

I'm excited. Growth healing, surprise twin reunions. What else could you love to see more? I love a surprise family reunion. Not a three one. Okay. No, no, no. Wow, you think you know a guy.

Fucking hell. No, I'm saying like, you know those videos where it's like... The military person comes home early? Comes home early. Destroy me. Or the one that's viral at the moment and the little girl is graduating from primary school. And they're like, oh, hang on, there's a bit of a problem. And the person that presents her with her certificate is her dad,

who's come back early from service and the little girl doesn't know that he's coming back. Oh, my God. Can I say something about it? Americans. I mean, sure. That story, stunning. Beautiful. They love a fucking graduation over there.

They love a graduation. Oh, Kinder graduation. Yeah. Year one, year two, year three. All of them. Oh, I've finished one, my driving school, I'm into round two. Great. Graduation ceremony.

They do actually, don't they? Everything, like, I don't think we had a graduation of primary school. I certainly didn't have a graduation from Kinder. But they're like, Diplo did a gig at his kids' kids. I saw that. And I went, that's cool. And I went, hang on.

Why is Kinder having a graduation? Why is Diplo there? Just because your son's there. Oh, that's a good gig. Probably not his highest paying, but. Maybe it is. Yeah, actually, who are we to say? I mean, Diplos kid goes there.

Yeah, it's probably one of the best. But they're graduation heavy. Yeah. No, they are. That's a really good point. They love a ceremony. Yeah. But no, I love a re.

So I think the surprise going home for the surprise. I hope that the twin doesn't. listen to the pod like have we just blown the secret? Well how many twins could there be where their twin moved to New Zealand eight years ago and broke up with the guy four years ago? Called Lex.

Called Lex. I'd say less than 10. Lex than 10. I've really loved to see it here. Surprisingly similar vibes. Like go get it, Slat. Hang on. This is from Hannah.

No, not the same. It's a similar vibe. I had a sister that moved to New Zealand eight years ago. And I haven't seen her. So I'm going to go. surprise her in New Zealand. She's on the return flight.

Oh, that would be so annoying. Surprise. It would be. It would be annoying. Where do you want to meet? Do you want to stay or all? Yeah. Yeah.

It would be annoying. If that happened, that would be annoying. I would cop that as a coincidence chat. It's amazing. It's something you're like, oh, if that happened, that would be. so annoyingly. Yeah. Like slightly, yeah.

Yeah. I'm in Amsterdam. I'm in Auckland. Oh. Um, I got similar vibes. Not like that. The other cities wouldn't know because they look the same.

The passport control is like, you just got back. You're like, hey guys, I'm here and like, no shit. No. We just saw you five minutes ago.

Going the other way. All right. I love to see it from Hannah. Um, hello there. Hannah says, full disclosure. I got out of.

of a not so great relationship at the end of last year. Packed my bags, left the key on the bench, never look back. Yep, straight to New Zealand. Get the fuck out. We'd move to New Zealand four years prior. No, no, no, no. She has a twin. No.

Really? Oh. I'm mad as his. Sorry. As a result of my stressy, depressy brain, I really lost my mojo. I've shut myself off, told myself, like maybe I'm just destined to be single, like feeling very alone, feeling really just like, you know when you cut yourself off because you're like, no, I can't be hurt again, I can't do this.

She said, all the sad breakup thoughts were winning for a while. I started running, tragic stereotype I know. I think I'm going to say tragic that's running. Well, both. I started running and with this not only did my mental health improve, but I started to love myself again. She says, anyway, with this, I got my fucking mojo back and got, and with, that my nine month dry spell has ended I was a spontaneous fun confident hot slut and it feels great to be back baby good on you Hannah I know there's a lot more context but is

you love to see it that Hannah got laid yes yeah yeah yeah but she feels like a hot confident slut yeah and same love that view love that love that and so her her twin is visiting soon great New Zealand. Crazy. And that's going to just top the whole thing off. It really is. What a y'all.

It really is. It really is. Thank you so much for listening, watching. We fucking love you. Love you. There's a reaction video on YouTube tomorrow. There will be a surprise on Patreon on Saturday. Won't there, Charles?

Yeah, we're playing a new game on Patreon on Saturday. It's a surprise even to us. A new game. A new game. It's not imposter. It is. We're going to lie that. Spoiler.

You'll like it. Love you. I locked it. Love you. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye.