Toni and Ryan - Toni Got Shamed At A Cafe

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Movie titles - Normal or Nah - Quirky cafes - love ya!!!!!Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I have been milk shamed. Because of your milkers. D-d-d-d-d-money milkers. I always make a coffee at home and just bring it to the office. And I'm like, you know what? I will buy a fucking overpriced coffee. And I was like, oh, just regular milk please. And she goes, beefy milk.

How appetising. Sorry, am I a customer? Hi, I'm Chloe from Brisbane Australia. Hi, I'm Sanlin from Lancet in Tasmania. Hi, I'm Alice from Bruce Minds, Ontario. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan.

This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello, welcome. And in a bit of a throwback, I would almost say, Marco posted in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group and said, describe the last time you had sex with a movie title. And don't you just love those ones? That does feel like very Facebook. OG Facebook 2013.

It's like, oh, your porn star name is your first pair. and the street your mum lived on, like that kind of stuff. Do you remember those? First pet and your, the first street you lived on. Or your mum's maiden name. What's your one?

First pet? Yep. Cleo? And the first street you lived on. Westbourne. Cleo Westbourne. Oh, that is a good porn star name. Mine's Zach Abby.

That is a great point star name. Yeah, not Reese. No, and I wouldn't bring that up. Charles, what would yours be? Oh, you've never had a pet. No, I had chickens. Yeah, so call that one cock, and what was the name of the street? The street was brilliant street.

Brilliant. No, so it was pecky, pecky brilliant. Brilliant peck, ma'am. I'm so sorry, but just thinking about baby Charles. So not that different to what you are now. We're going. We let's get chickens and call them pecky. Pecky and flappy.

Sorry, are we just glossing over? Luckily, it's not fucking flappy, brilliant. Are we, sorry, there's something. my eye. Oh my God. Do you need us to pause? There's just nothing worse than having something in your eye. There actually isn't, but all there is, it's Charles living on Brilliant Street.

Brilliant Street just sounds like a lie. She's down the road from Trash Alley, you know? The last time you had sex, describe it with a movie. Marco says, too fast, too furious. Daniel Steva said, Titanic, it's been 84 years. Melissa McIntosh, a series of unfortunate events. fence. Oh, that's a shame.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful. Victoria Farrow said, Toy Story. Hot. Lisa said gone in 60 seconds. That's very, very funny. That's also a great underrated movie.

I've never seen it. Nicholas Cage, Angelina Jolie. What's that? Give me the top line. Well, they're car thieves. And the whole thing is like, you've got 60 seconds to get in,

steal the car and get out. And then they have to steal like all these cars in just one night. and they like steal all these. So it's like hot sexy car. It's kind of like fast and furious before it's time. Sure. But a bit more stealing and a bit less mechanics. Yeah, yep.

And bit less family. Because that's the whole. There's a bit of family. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And it's Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie. Are they fucking in it or are they just partners?

I reckon he throws one in it. So I'm saying, but can we find that out. Sorry, there's something in my. Yeah, that's all right. You take your time. Um, I feel like Nicholas Cage is, one of the last humans on the earth I would want to have sex with. Fair.

I don't know what it is. It's just his characters in everything that, I just, I just, eh, you imagine fucking Nicholas Cage and he's just like, oh, like what the fuck is going on?

You know what I mean? Do you hear what I'm saying? I so do. Can you give me Nicholas Cage ordering a coffee in reservoir? I just need a coffee. I guess I just get a... Do you have Americana? I don't know.

What he sounds like? I just know that noisy makes. Was that good? Can we just bring up... Just a video of him talking? Is he from Boston? Because that's the fucking voice I just did. Is he can...

Are we going to find out he's Canadian? First of all, I mentioned at the top of our program that I just... I really admire you. I think you're great in everything you do. And you know what it is? And I've said this other people do on screen. Well, and I feel the same way about you. No, really?

No, no, really. I've always admired your interviews. They're hilarious. I was maybe not that far off. I've always admired your interviews. Oh, no. Well, I've always admired your interviews. No.

No. No. Oh. Oh. You know. Yeah. Yes. Mouthy.

Like me. Jack Cripp says, Lord of the Red. rings. That's good. Matt McDonald said, Willie Wonka in the chocolate factory. Because she's shit on her. Oh, sorry.

The Cleveland Steamer, now that we know what that means. Yes. I've forgotten. Now, last week we were lighting up on LinkedIn about Gen Z's of rocking up to a job interview

with an iced coffee. Yeah. Where do we stand on this? I, I don't know. I think. income. I actually, I don't think this is related, but on sunrise the other day, I took a photo of it because I was like, oh, I have to get your take on this. And it was, um, what is the, um,

is it ever okay to turn up late with a purchased coffee in hand? Yeah. It's a little bit different area, but I think it's kind of similar for me. I'm like, oh, I would want to be seen to have taken this job interview really seriously. And this is probably, not correct, but my thinking would be, I want them to know that I just like was so focused and I just came straight here and I was prepared. Yep. Like, oh, I just suddenly got a coffee. I'm like, oh, I've got some crumbs from a ham and cheese croissant on my woolly jumper.

Like, I just feel like I wouldn't be switched on if that's how I rocked up. What is it about the iced coffee that says not prepared? I just, I don't know. Because maybe you got to the place an hour early. You get an iced coffee and you sit down and you lock in and you go through your notes and whatever. and then oh time's got meet them great but in that situation i would leave the i would have finished the coffee or i would leave it behind because for me it just feels like getting a if i met someone

for an interview and we got coffee like we did that with will yeah totally fine is it a fine that she drank out of your mug we we we got past it did we yeah and she went that's really yum it doesn't taste like my normal order and i was like i think it's mine um and look at us now look at us now um what do what are your thoughts on Like if we were, say we were interviewing for a job and someone came in and they... My rule that I have put on LinkedIn is that if you bring in drinks, bring us all one. And I think I stand by that. I think it also feels nice to like break the ice and text an hour before or email the day before.

Be like, oh, and coffee's on me in the morning. What's everyone's order? Yeah. Or what's Tony's order or you know? I would even accept, I was grabbing a coffee on the way in and they had a bunch of cookies. so I've brought a... Yeah, I think that's nice. That's your...

Well, on your way you get in the job. But walking in with a coffee for you, walking in with a coffee and being late, especially, I'm just like, well, I can see why you're late. Is it why you were late or you were running late and you still didn't give a fuck? And you made yourself more late?

Yeah. But also is it then like, I actually already had the coffee and then there was an accident on the way and that made me late, but now I look like an asshole. Show me a photo. Show me a photo on this accident.

Someone said that the iced coffee in a job interview for Gen Z is the avocado on toast for millennials. That random fucking throwaway comment that just sticks with a whole fucking generation. And also like, what are you going to be? So what are your strengths? And then they go, the kach, kich, kich, like. Yeah, swill it around. The ice is clanking. Like, oh.

Did you know for Jen? Z over half of them, their first ever coffee was an iced coffee. I reckon mine would have been because it would have been like an iced coffee like in a carton. It wouldn't have been like a barista ice coffee. It certainly wasn't. But it would have been like a carton, like a pre-made thing. And now Starbucks 70% of drinks sold are cold.

Say that again. In Starbucks across America, 70% of drinks are cold. Wow. I just feel like the ice drinks have changed a lot where you, there's not a lot to change about a hot coffee. No. Like you get a flat ride. You get a latte, whatever, but like there's not really much to do to a hot drink. Whereas the ice drink is so much.

Raspberry swirl, twist with a dollop of this and a cold foam fucking fuck me right up. And I would have that happily. Yeah. And I'll get two things. And I would love it. Yeah. See, I think I love like love a frape. Like, I mean, the espresso from dome.

and that's just that. Like, I just, I think they're so fucking yum. The cream on the top, that it lasts for ages. It takes you that long to drink it that I'm like, oh, that's me for the afternoon. Yeah, I'll see. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

It's such an experience. I'm going to say normal. To. Ice coffee in a job interview. I. But bring your A game. It's like, I don't actually care. Like, you know how you're like, oh, if you're not prepared, blah, blah.

I'm like, if someone rocked up, not prepared. without a coffee, would you rather them have a coffee and be prepared? Yeah, I guess so. I'm hiring you to do a job and I want you to just come in and fucking nail it

and what you're holding and within reason like what you're, like you don't, a business blazer or a, yeah, just come in and show me you know what you're doing. And I think it's been proved as well that like back in the day

oh, well, you've got to have a degree and you've got to have this like, oh, nah, but if you're... Charles doesn't finish primary school. I know. Labor laws, child labor laws. Yeah. I rocked up to our first meeting late.

But I did. And then we ordered coffee there. You did. Where was that? In Richmond. At Jethro. You remember that, um, canteen under like, yeah. Jeez, didn't we lose some money to those, um, thick shakes?

Those coffee, peanut butter. The smoothie. Yeah, there was definitely a milkshake. Like, what's a difference? That's a dessert. What's the difference between a smoothie and a milkshake? I don't know. And doesn't matter.

No. Both are young. Normal or nah. This is from some. Samantha. Hi, Samantha. Whenever I listen to an audiobook, I have to read the book at the same time. I've heard of this.

Just to make sure it actually sinks in. If I'm just listening, my eyes will dart around and amuse themselves. Yeah. And if I'm just reading, I get bored and want to put some music on. And then we'll listen to the music. Yeah, yep. So you're listening to the audio book and reading at the same time. Yeah.

Nah, I couldn't. Nah, for me. What do you do when you read? I read my Kindle and I know that you guys don't like this, and I'll listen to music at the same time. But I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to read and listen to an audio book because I read too fast. We turn up the speed, don't you?

But I wouldn't want to hear the clunky like, because you know when you speed it up that it sounds clunky? Yeah. And that would distract me because I'm like, oh, that just sounds bad. Yeah. And I'm fussy. on an the reader

yeah you do get a good one and a bad one eh yeah like it really it really throws me off when it's like chapter one

the old barn was read like that I just kill me like I can't do it what books a children's book

obviously oh see it seems like someone's read the old barn how did you like the ending the new barn

chapter two But if I was reading and listening, but I can't do an audio book for the same reason that I just realized I've zoned out for ages. But like I mean, I only listen to one podcast. It's Trixie and Cartier. But I can stay super engaged while I like that. And what speed do you listen to?

I just listen on one. Yep. As got intended. Yep. Yeah. But you, oh, Charles, no, it's you. You read and listen, don't you? I have done that.

Yeah. I'm not doing it currently. but like some of the books that I did, I would read on my Kindle and listen on my... How was the speed? Well, I would just speed it up so then we're at the same pace. Yeah. But then I'm also just like,

I will like go at their speed normally. But it would be like 1.25 or something. Yeah, I just think I'll read ahead. I normally listen at 1.25 and I'm listening in the car or walking the dog or something. So I'm like, my eyes are busy. Yeah. But if I tried to read at the same time, I would have to slow it down to like 0.7.

Sure. Welcome to the red barn. Yeah, that's a great book, by the way. Have you read it? Have you read it? Yeah. I listened to it, actually. The author was great.

The new barn? Yeah. Oh, don't. Spoilers. Ah, I'm waiting to see the movie. Welcome to the show. That was a very good Nicholas Cage. Got a normal one I hear from Susie Webster.

Susie Webster. Oh, Susie Webster. Hardly fucking Noah. Three tradies rocked up at 8 a.m. a job at my place and by 8.30, all three of them had taken a shit in my bathroom, one after another. I understand needing to go, but you all just got here and you're all just shot. Yeah. Is this normal or nah? I think it's normal. That's prime morning poo time, isn't it? Yeah. Because they've all been up since five thirds. They've all already had two double espresso

and a fucking red bull and God knows what else. Yeah. You have a can of V straight through you. You morning coffee, a little debrief with the lads. All right, let's get to the site. Then you get there and you're like, geez, was there any coffee in that coffee? Yeah, that's, yeah, that's Ziggy as well. That's topped it right off. Sigi, I've never been to smoke a bit. Siggy's, don't they just make you?

Oh, yeah. Coffee and a Siggy, Fisherman's breakfast straight through you. Fisherman's breakfast. Yeah. I think I want to take up smoking for the culture. I mean, the coffee and a siggy is lovely. Culture. Yeah, culture.

Not for health, obviously, but for culture. No, no. Terrible for that. Yeah. What time did you, what time did you say? They all got there at 8 a.m. And by 8.30 that all shut. What time is like a fair time for a trainee to come?

Seven. And if you heard, like, would you be fucked off if your next door neighbor had a tradey at seven? Nah. No. Oh, well, you're up with Mabes anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

But tradies start early, they end early and they've got a job to do and they're getting it done. And sometimes in summer, like it gets too hot in the afternoon. you're like, well, let's get up early and get cracking. What if it was like an inside job? Like if I was robbing someone? No, but like, I don't know. Like, say you lived in an apartment and like your upstairs neighbor. Like, do you reckon that then there's like a time?

I reckon I'm actually fine with weekdays. What fucks me off is like it's a Sunday morning and some got the leaf blower or he's decided to do some drilling. And at 6.30 and you're like, well, fuck, dude. Even eight or nine on a weekend, you're just like, give it a fucking spell. Yeah. But I'll cop a tradie at 7 a. Sure.

I'm more annoyed the other way. When it gets too late. And you're like, we're fucking winding down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you got anything to share it? No, no. It was more just because 8 o'clock. I'm like, oh, is that a fair time? Then I'm like, well, when do they? Like, or is the early time when they should go around do their quotes?

But the work should start later than that. No, because I don't want to have to deal with a trade at 7 because I'm still asleep. No, but if you had to, if they were coming at seven regardless. Boys, you let yourself in, you fucking do the job. Don't fucking wake me out. Yeah, just tell me if you need anything. The toilet's air. I expect you all over shit the next 30 minutes.

And good for you. I'll actually offer the lads of coffee. Yeah, to really get it going. But you want to get the boys on side. You do. I always offer a coffee or a tea or like if it's hot, like cold water. And they go, no, and I go, cool. Well, I'm going to bed.

Just fucking all good. Do whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, fair. Come on, Brun. Are you guys all good with the dog? and they go, yeah, and I go, cool.

Because he'll be out there all day, keeping an eye on you. Yeah, true, the foreman. Yeah. Foreman, Bron. Did we decide we're going on the block? I forgot about that. And what time are we going to start? Oh, what time are they starting on the block?

And how early can I shit on set? Oh, straight away. They've got a Macca's on site. They're asking for them. If they're feeding me like coffee, is it free? Yeah. Free Maccafe. Are the Port-a-Lose free?

or have to pay per use. Per use. Well, when you put your toilet into your house, you can use that as much as you want. I hope it's plumbed. Well, I'll have to organise that with the table. Hi, I'm Stanlin from Lonses in Tasmania. Hi, I'm Alice from Bruce Mines, Ontario.

Hi, I'm Chloe from Brisbane, Australia. And you're listening to Tony Ryan. Hi, everyone. We're back now. We just have to show you something. Charles was showing us pictures of him with Pecky and Flappy, RIP, the beautiful chickens gone but not forgotten. And as he was scrolling through his mum's Facebook,

we've just found this picture of Charles in a baby polo Ralph Lauren business shirt at only seven years old. How do you look seven and the same as you are now at the same time? Yeah, how do you look seven and 45? What is that grown man doing holding a baby chino? And are you too old for a baby chino? You know what that age to call them. A chino.

That's good. Look at him though. Wow, what a little cutie. Oh, Charles, you just looks like such a little sucker. Like, just like such a little kiss up. There's you with the chickens. Go back to that picture. Is that the last person you'd expect to grow up and finger someone in the Finns Beach Club pool?

Like you don't see that in that kid's future. No. And little does he know. What's coming for him? So innocent. And all of a sudden, you just... All of a sudden. I won't say anymore.

All right. I talked to my dad the other day and he like randomly, it's like, listen to an episode. What did it say? I can't remember, but he like brought something up and I was like, have you been listening? Well, it's off limits. Charles's dad, I would like you to know that you don't know Matt if they've squirted in a pool because you're in a pool. Oh! And Charles told me that the other day.

No, Charlie. And a shout out to Finns Beach Club and the staff. Finns, more like pins. Yeah, Finn's gurs. Finners. That's what they call there. All right. Welcome to Falangi's Beach Club.

You can't finger without a Finn. And you've always said that. I have. A massive shout out to a few of... Toby, Male, good on you, Toby. Emma, Kytik, good on your Emma. It might be Kidik. Sorry.

Sy Bell, good on you, Cy Bell. Rachel, good on your Rachel. Mary Williamson. Dene. I love the name, Nadine. Nice, isn't it? It's really pretty. Normal or Nadine? That's very funny. Sashimi, the food, I guess. Alicia Agnew and Tamika Hancox. Tamika, oh.

Tamika, hardly not. Thanks to the person that offered me a hand job for a grand final ticket last week. Yeah, how are you feeling? Relieved. Yeah, Rugburn. Pretty chill. After that. Oh, sorry. Tugburn, more like. Um, you guys know, it's, this is actually quite serious. Okay. I have been milk shamed. Because of your milkers.

Dun, dun, my mommy milkers. My big juicy naturals. Do you want to go again with the sound effect? Yeah. Charles? I have been milk shamed. Yesterday morning, I had to go and get a blood test. Yep.

And it had to fast. So, what? I had to fart. No. No, I had to fast. Yeah. So I went really early. You know, when you're like one of the people in the line before they open?

Because you're like, the sooner I get in. Oh, the tradies can't come early, but it's fine to fucking get me blood tested at the fucking balls o'clock. Okay. You want to take that one again? My blood, me getting a blood test isn't going to wake anyone up. It would wake the nurse up because she has to go there to take the blood. Whose side do you want? I think you might need to reset.

Yeah. Do you need it a second? You had something in your eye before. Is that why? Yeah. Do we need the horsey? No, you're okay? It's not about us.

Like we're good. Yeah, they're the enemy. Yeah. Yeah. But also getting a blood test, it opened at 8 o'clock. So I'm like, this is fine. I wasn't hungry, but I was like, I need to do that and then like kind of go to work. Yep.

Anyway, so yesterday morning, I'm waiting out the front, I get the blood test. And I'm like, oh, I walk out the front, all done, all sweet. and to the left is like a little cafe. I suppose that that would be so good for business because everyone's just fasted. Even just standing at the front of the blood place, been like, you don't want a croissant do you? And you go, yeah.

And you go, I'll see you in 10 minutes. I've just got to go and get this blood test. I'll order it now. And I'll be ready by the time I'm done. Anyway, so I go walk in there and it's kind of a cool hip cafe and the people that work there are kind of cool and hip. And I walk in there and I go,

hey, can I just get a small? all flat white. And she goes, yeah, man. And I was like, oh, here we go. Yeah, man.

And I was like, sick. And she goes, sugar. And I went, no. And she goes, right on.

And she goes, milk. And I was like, oh, just regular milk, please. And she goes, beefy milk. How appetizing

presses the thing and goes, just tap there. Beefy milk. Beefy milk. How appetizing. Just chat there. She putting her vegan views on you or whatever.

Like, what the fuck is that? Well, I was like, I was like, oh. Oh, okay. I don't like that. I didn't like it either. Sorry, am I a customer? And do you have milk on the menu? What do you want from me, dog?

Yeah. And I just was like, it kind of caught me by surprise as well because I was just like. What, that a wanker was a fuckhead? Yeah, you know what? And that's on me. Yeah. And that is on me and that's fine. Oh, that's surprising.

But like, I've kind of come in for a little treat because I've just had to have a blood test. And you want some beefy milk for your beefy milkers. And I just was like, I and actually when I got to work, you went, oh, take away coffee. That's a bit of a treat. Because I never ever, I always make a coffee at home and just bring it to the office. And I was like, oh, fuck you. And I can't even enjoy it. this bitch has shamed me.

So I've come in here and I'm like, you know what? I will buy a fucking overpriced coffee and I'll just drink it in the offer. And like, you know, just try and make my morning back. What a bitch. So I'm, and she's like, just tap there. And I was like, yeah, fuck you. I will fucking tap there. Because obviously I got to pay.

And so I tap and I'm saying that. I'm like, she just made me feel really bad. And then my phone goes, did it. In up bank. Yeah. I know. Between like seven and, 9 a.m.

They pick like five people that use their thing to buy a coffee. You get a refund. Really? And I got selected for a refund. Free beefy milk, motherfucker. Yeah. So eat my pussy, you vegan, bitch. And I have seen that they do that.

You know how they go like, oh, sometimes we refund the coffee and you go, that doesn't happen. What, so somehow they've just gone, cool. If it's a purchase between 7 and 9 in the morning and between 4 and 8. eight bucks. We'll just assume it's probably a coffee. Yeah. So it says this one's on us. As a winner of our per cut promotion, we've instantly refunded you the cost of this purchase. That's amazing. Yeah. So it just like comes in up in the app. Yeah. Random acts of free coffee. Oh, between 7 and 11. Isn't that so fucking cool?

It's a great name for a place to buy coffee actually. Perk up. Yeah. Well, she should have fucking perked up. I meant 7.11. Oh. Oh. Both funny. Yeah, great. Well done for both of us. Yeah, she could deal. You should have showed it to her.

Oh. You go, if I only... That's coming out of your tip jar, you fucking mole. You should have put the hand in the tip jar and just taking the money. Oh, do you want to keep these beefy coins, do you? You don't have my beefy money. That's fucked. Yeah.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thank you. And I just was like, oh, it's also not like, like, okay, sure, like you're not into cow milk. That's fine. You're a milk maker. That's her job. You're going to say milk maiden? And I was like, I don't.

She's a, but like, if you're not down with milk, don't be a fucking coffee maker. Oh, yeah, like, because the majority of, well, at least 50% I would say are on like regular milk, like cow milk. Isn't it funny saying regular milk? Yeah, it is. Because it feels like, normal milk, you know. Yeah, you have to clarify it. Yeah. But anyway, so I was just like, oh, fuck that sucks, hey.

Like, oh, all right. And then the free coffee. That's just the world's way of saying, hey, actually. You're all good. Yeah. And I really appreciated that. I saw this real and fuck it did me in. The guy walks up to a bar and that sounds like a joke, but he's actually in a bar.

And he's sort of looking at the menu and goes, ordering a drink. And then she goes, we do things a little bit differently here. And he just goes, no, thank you. And I just walk straight out. But like, so we do things a bit weird here. And he's like, no. Or when you get to a restaurant and they sit down beside you and they're like, like, have you been here before?

Let me run you through the menu. I'm going to read it. I'm going to pick something. I'm going to order it and then I'm going to eat it. That is how things work. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah.

So when you said I walked in and it was a bit of a quirky cafe, I was like, oh, well, you've already made a mistake. Oh, no. You've already made a mistake. Yeah, no, more quirky and vibe than the way that they, oh, except for the customer abuse, obviously. That was a bit quirky. One of the quirkiest ones I've seen is this place was too cool to use the term flat white latte or

cappuccino. and it was like three bucks for a coffee or four bucks for a coffee with milk in it like what do you so then yeah it just why it's so upset and then like somebody else came in after me they're like they had like a reusable cup with them and they hand it over and they go like hey can I get a batch brew and the chick goes abatchi yes what I just said and like a what's a name of this place question mark, I'm not going to say it. If you know a cafe across from a blood donation center.

Wasn't a donation, it was a test. We donated it to the scientists to test it. So true. Yeah. For my own benefit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Let me do to investigate. Let me get on Google Maps. She goes, let me get on a street view. A batchy. And the chick's like, yeah. Sorry, do I look like a shit channel 10 reality show? I asked for a batch for a, you stupid bitch.

Well, she goes, yeah. And she goes, right on. I'm like, you didn't need to confirm what she was. She asked for it on the thing. Like if the person, the customer had been like, can I get a batch? They'd go, oh, the batch brood, like just double checking. But she used the scientific correct name. And we believe in science here at Tony and Ryan.

What do you want from us? Like, oh, it just really fucking rubbed me the wrong way. That's rub me up the wrong way. But then the free coffee. Let's go back there today. I want to let them know what I think of them and how they treated my best friend. Beefy milk. Hmm.

How appetising. Fuck you. But how are we doing now, though? Yeah, I'm fine. You know what? We're about to wrap up for the day and the week. What do we want to treat ourselves to after this? What do you reckon?

Let's all make two suggestions, then we've got six options. We'll go around starting with Charles. A swim and a fish and chips. Fish and chips and a swim. Okay, I thought it was two food options, but I mean, name my perfect fucking afternoon. Tony Lodge. A parma at the pub. Or sushi.

Bit of soosh. Don't have my bathers. Me too. Thank you for saying that. I will go. Nogroni's in the massage chair. Okay. So we have to pick one thing from those.

I reckon we can pick three. A swim in the massage chair at the pub. Yeah. I want to be holding in a groaning in a massage shed that's in the water. Can you imagine floating on a lilo in a pool and there's someone doing your back at the same time? Do they do that at Finn's Beach Club, Charles? Well, Charles does that at Finn's Beach Club. They will.

They'll do anything you want there. Because wouldn't that be nice? The price is often right at Finn's Beach Club. Wouldn't that be nice? Do you guys do this? And they go, oh, yeah. 10 bucks and you go, great. Because you know how we discussed the massage on the beach?

And I was like, oh, you'd be sandy and that feels weird. I throw a towel down. I think it would be better at a beach club, like at a pool club. But still you're on display, which I didn't think about. What about if you got to your private cabana and they just pull the thing across? Yeah. They are private pools like in there. And there are masseuses there as well.

Yeah. In Thailand, I got a massouca. I got a massage at the piss tray in a nightclub, which was confronting. You got a massage at the casino in Vegas. God, where haven't you been rubbed, dog? Name a place. Like, but in the nightclub, you're standing there taking a piss and a guy comes up behind you and starts a massage and he cracked my ear and like did a neck thing and stuff.

Did he ask for some cash? Yeah, like you give him a tip. Oh, yeah. But then you're like, you're trying to piss still. Yeah. So you're kind of like, whoa. Oh, yeah, because you don't want to get too relaxed. I have been massaged at the blackjack table in Vegas.

Wasn't that an experience. They saw it coming. They really saw me coming in. Did get charged for it. Yeah, it was worth it though. I wasn't there. I was busy. With Ruth.

With Ruth. Raising the Ruth, smoking a does. Yeah. Either fucking at the bloody. Tony and her element. Yeah. Never seen you better. Oh, and we just got along like a fucking house on fire as well.

Let's call Raise the Ruth and get her to come down to that cafe and tell that bitch what she reckons. She would too. Because she would be like, my granddaughter, Tony, has come in here and been accosted verbally. I also think if we go on the block, the McCaffee staff wouldn't treat you like that. They would never. They would treat you right. But also, they just don't. Like, if you went to a McCaffey or whatever, that when you do order, like, they just go, anything else?

Like, they net. Don't comment. Yeah, I'm not here to judge. Like, it's actually fine. You want a coffee? I'm going to get your one. Yeah. I'm sorry.

Imagine if I was like, oh, yeah, I'll get that. Oh, and I'll get a cookie. as well and she went, you sure? Like, imagine if that had happened. Let me do what you love to see to bring you back. It's from Hillary Gross McKay, who we love. Hillary Doff. I was doing my Coles shop.

So. And it was the Coles that had the old scoop and weigh. I like a scoop and weigh me. Yeah. So you scoop in the nuts or whatever, and then they weigh it, and then that's how much you pay for those who are not part of our culture. They now understand. I'll scoop your nuts.

I like it because you feel like a checkout check. You get to go beep boop, beep, boop. And print out the tank. go that'll be $7.50. I was getting some little treats, including those little apricot coconut bites. Yum. This other mother comes over and goes,

oh, are they, what are they like? Are they good? You know, the kid like them. Oh, the kids will love them. They're a real treat for you too, blah, blah. And then this other mom and her just got chatting about the small treats at the scooping way. And so Hillary said,

I know Tony's on her small talk journey. Yes. But I just want to say, I fucking slayed it of making small talk at the scooping way and I felt like I was just like really doing a good job. Nice one. I fucking love to see that. So good small talk,

the scooping way in general, Hillary being a mad dog, what else is there? Yep. You know who could learn from Hillary, the person at the cafe? What place was it? It was in Northcote.

Of course it was. Yeah, pressed an end. Anyway. Prestonet and the North Carolina? You love... On a high street? It was on the high street, yeah.

Is that it? That is where it was. Charles, thank you. Rachel Caroleutzi has sent this through. You'll like to see this. Caroleutzi. Because it is a cross section of some of our favorite things. Tarpers.

Yep. Start in the fucking blog. Cookbooks. Any golden gay times? No. I really wanted to thank you guys as from Rachel for being such a great source of inspiration for the Tarpers. Recently, I started the fucking blog and wrote a cookbook featuring chef recipes from local restaurants in my community of Boulder, Colorado. I can't believe we have tarpas in Boulder

One of the most beautiful places in the world I've never been to Colorado But I've seen it because Heidi Montag is from Colorado And they do a couple of episodes of the hills in Colorado And I just recently really watched that amazing Yeah I think and tell me if I'm wrong Charles on the Googles

But yeah Boulder might be the most expensive suburb in America What? Or like parts of it Holy shit Like all the rich tech bros have like a Boulder place. Oh.

So baby, pull me closer in the back seat of your rover that I know you can afford like that No word

Boulder is not being used. From that mattress that you stole from your roommate back in Boulder we are never getting older do do do

I got there. Sorry I didn't know which bit it was. Now it's a long bow though it was worth it. Yeah, thank you. Because when you said the word

older and then kept going I was like, maybe that was what you go. No, no, no, no, I knew there was a boulder in there. Because when that song came out, I thought it was about Calgoorlie Boulder. And why wouldn't you think that? Very different experience. Okay.

While you're doing that, Charles, I'll read on. Featuring chef recipes from local restaurants in my community of Boulder. It was one of the best projects I've ever been part of. I'm so glad I took the leap and went for it, even though it seemed really daunting. If any tarpers are interested, the book is called A Bite of Boulder. So you can go to a bite of boulder.com. And Rachel's kind of put it together. But it's like, yeah, a compilation kind of of...

It's a so fresh CD of bolder dining. Yeah, but like, you know how there's a cookbook that you can buy from like... I've seen it in Chin Chin. It's called like a Taste of Melbourne. And it's like the best... All the restaurants put there a couple of best dishes in. They put a couple in. So there's like a couple from super normal.

A couple from Chin Chin Chin. I just think it's so cool. Yep. It's also a really good dish. gift. So true. Like if it's a city that you live in or have visited or, um, you got a secret Santa or so I just think stuff like that is such a good secret Santa gift. So like that would be something you would like to receive as a hypothetical. It would also be something I would gift someone as a secret Santa and I wish that I hadn't given it away. I'll be given it away.

Oh yeah, you give it away. Give it away. Give it away. Give it away. Give it away. Oh, when are we, um, usually in December we do the, yeah. What's the limit this year? December. Um, what do we do last year? $30 or was it 50? Oh, it might have been 50 actually. I think it was 50. Yeah.

I'm going to do a good job this year. Same. Because last year I got you that book that you liked, I've learned from the past where I'm like, no, keep it. Like, stick to your guns. Back yourself. Back it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, whoever I get.

Um, when I bought you that mama and puppy photo shoot in 2001, 2001. 2020, yep. Have you used that yet? No, and it expired. But it was actually because you went over the limit. And remember last year, we said, if anything goes over the limit, it gets thrown in the bin. Well, that's not true because, well, it actually is irrelevant because I didn't. What?

We got those nice little poop. I know. And I said, were they over the limit? And you said, no. And they weren't. I have one for myself. That one was. You have to stay in the limit.

Yeah, I always do. because the thing it makes the other person feel bad whoever gets you oh well because if I just then buy you like something for 50 bucks and you've spent all this money that the reason is that it's like even playing field no I know but it's you have to stick within the realms of the thing always do you but you don't how do you know it's me if it's a secret town because just then you wanted to brag that you spent more on your present a fair bit more actually that's you're not part of it.

Well, Boulder, it does rank in the top 10 most expensive places to buy a home nationwide with typical home values nearing $1 million. Can you type in Boulder chalet or something like that and just let's get a... I'm really hot. You should go to Boulder. It's cool up there. Oh, that is an awful way to spell. C-H-A-L-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-O.

Oh, what's going on there? That's not what we thought. No, that's closer. Whoa. Like a ski chalet? Yeah, it's up in the hill so it's like a... Great. Okay, well this is great podcast listening.

Yeah, okay, great. Cool, cool, cool. That we're just looking at something on the internet. Love you so much. Thanks for hanging with this this week. Yep. There will be a Try Not to Laugh video on YouTube tomorrow. And then we're just going to fucking slay every day.

Like we always do, dog. Yeah, and drinking our milky beef. Beefy milk. Fuck. Milky beef. That sounds like, babe. That's almost worse. people that cook steaks in milk you know what minute steak those like the little oh i haven't

saying that yeah good yeah what are you doing your little hoofies down there yeah i don't know okay let's go all right love you thank you for being with us this week we love you so much love you bye