Toni and Ryan - Toni Has Bad News

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

One of my favourite things in the world has been taken away from me. Love you! Toni xoxox Come say hey and get a selfie with us in front of our HOT FUN GARBAGE TRUCK! Saturday 21st January , St Kilda Beach (look for our giant faces on a garbo truck) Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. We're calling Stephanie. She's in North Carolina. North Carolina. Do you reckon she's a Steph or a Stephanie? I think a Steph. If I know Stephanie. Hey! Steph!

Are you a Steph or a Stephanie? Stephanie. Oh, shame. You're a Stephanie. Tony got it wrong. Bad luck. Oh, a full-namer. A full-namer. Well, Stephanie, will you approve the podcast?

Absolutely. Should we change the name of the podcast to, like, Tiffany, Rethany, and Stephanie or something for the formalities? Well, it's really funny. I was just talking to my sister, and her name is Tony. Oh, Tony and Stephanie. It really has a great ring to it. And my brother's name is Ryan.

So maybe we can have everybody on the pod. What the fuck? So you're saying that our podcast is going to be called Tony, Tony, Ryan, Ryan and Stephanie. Would you approve Tony, Tony, Ryan, Ryan and Stephanie, Stephanie? Yes. Yay!

Hi, this is Stephanie from North Carolina and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Hi. Sorry to be, well, I'm not the bearer of bad news. Tony has bad news coming up. Yeah, I do have some really bad news. And I'm sorry because we're almost at the weekend. Yep.

And I know that it's going to probably upset you. It's going to upset everyone. Me or everyone? You and I particularly. Yeah. It's not good news. Yeah. But people around the world will be upset about this, I think.

So thanks for tuning in. You're fucking welcome. Yeah. Want to have a shit weekend? Let us put you in the right mood for that. We'll do it for you. No worries. That's on the way. And also you might have noticed that just then I was gone for probably like 15 minutes. In the office here, we have one of those like bottle water cooler things. Like you put the big bottle in and it gives you like cold water. Only the best for my emotional support water bottle. Yeah.

And I was just standing like, you know how you kind of like squat down at it to like hold your thing? It's pretty low, that one, yeah. And I was like talking to somebody in the office and I'm like holding my thing and I realised that we'd been talking for a really long time. I was like, my water bottle's probably going to overflow. Yeah. No bottle in there.

It's empty. It's empty. It's having a good chin wag. I mean, where else are you going to get the water cooler chat if not a water cooler? Yeah, literally the water cooler. I didn't even know they had water. That's not why I go there.

Yeah, you're just holding nothing there. I don't know if those other guys have got divorced yet. I'm just desperate to know if Jenny from Accounts and bloody the boss Steve are still going at it in the back room. Fucking Shelly come back after the Christmas party. Yeah, you didn't say that, did you? Yeah, so that's from me today. So you filled it up from the tap?

Filled it up from the tap. That's rough. Yeah, it is. It is rough. Sorry to hear that. Normal or nah? Woo! This is from Rob Lusk.

Rob Lusk. What a great name. That's what I thought. Like it's like almost like he's a Hollywood agent. Yeah. Rob Lusk here. Like that kind of vibe. Yeah, that's hot.

Or like Lusk, Rob Lusk, you know? For someone who's never seen James Bond. I have. I watched that one. Remember? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I watched one. Rob Lusk asks, normal or nah,

leaving the toilet seat up for your dogs to drink the water. Correct face. Tony is harrow- Harrowfied? Harrow- I tried to say harrowing and horrified at the same time. Harrowfied. Harrowfied.

TN. Hashtag harrowfied. My husband's rich parents- It's always rich people, isn't it? My husband's rich parents have two large dogs and five toilets in their house. Fucking, they're doing all right. Five toilets? What's that, 20 bedrooms?

Yeah. How many assholes does one family have? They leave the seats open on all five toilets for their dogs to drink from. A couple of times a day, one of the parents will just do a wander of the house and flush all the toilets to give them fresh water. It's a huge no from me. It's fucking disgusting. But my husband and his parents think I'm the weird one.

There has been a lot of open and closed toilet chat on this podcast. I think I've been sent that video of the UV toilet being flushed about 7,000 times. I haven't. Please send it. Yeah. Please send it. I haven't seen it.

Send it to me now. So I get sent that a lot with the spray. And then most of the comments on our videos where we've talked about the toilet being open or shut is people saying, I shut it so that my dogs don't lick the water or my cats don't fall in. I've seen that a few times. I don't think I've ever heard of like, I think like on The Simpsons,

like, oh, the dogs drink the toilet water, blah. But actually deliberately setting it up so they can. Do you want a bowl? Like I've got some spare that I could give you if you would like your pets to have their own bowls. I would say to Rob Lusk's husband's rich parents, if you're rich enough, buy your own bowl. Yeah.

Buy one of those pet fountains. Yeah. You know those ones where the water's always running? Like a doggy fondue. Yeah. That's just flowing. Yeah. I mean, fountain because fondue is like a pot of cheese or chocolate or whatever.

But then you have a fountain if you've got like an epic fondue that flows down. I didn't think that they did that. You haven't been fonduing right. I've always said that. I actually don't think I've ever done a fondue. I'd love. Should we do that for a live stream? Yes.

A hundred percent. That sounds really fun. I was also going to add, it sounds like you didn't grow up in the seventies. And I didn't. So why? Yeah, no wonder you haven't fondued. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely we will fondue.

Do you want to do chocolate or cheese? Both. Fondue or fondant? I have another question. Don't mind if I fondue. That's what it will be called. Oh, this is great. Fond me. Fond great. Fond me.

Fondue. Fond us. And then afterwards if we're, you know, feeling a bit like after all the cheese, we could do a Jane Fondue exercise tape. I thought you were going to say we're feeling hot and heavy, we could fondle each other. Oh, no, we'll do that before the fondue. Yeah, once I've had that cheese fondue,

you don't want to be fondled with none of this. Fuck first, fondue later. Yeah, I've always said that. I also have a question about this, Nolan, all right? Yeah. Why does it feel like everybody has married rich? You know when you hear stories like this, it's like, oh, Rob's- Rich, yeah.

Rich husband's family or whatever. What happened to me? I'll tell you or whatever. What happened to me? I'll tell you. No. What happened to me? Let me flip the script here. Torbs is going to marry rich. He's marrying some broad with a finance team.

Oh, I was going to say. Is he going to break up with me? No, that's you, mate. That's him. That's you, mate. He's marrying someone else. He's nailing someone who's got an outie. Yeah, well, you're right, actually. Yeah, he's doing, mate. He's marrying someone else. He's nailing someone who's got an Audi. Yeah, well, you're right, actually.

Yeah, he's doing all right. The lowest tier of luxury car. No, don't. No, we don't talk down about that. No, we don't. My Audi's my pride and joy. Yeah, don't. Except for Pippa.

I love her so much. All right, next one. Thank you. Abby has been dating her boyfriend for four years. Four years. She says, I've only just learnt that after every shower, he washes his hands with the basin. I asked him why and it said he touches his balls whilst drying himself

with a towel so he needed to wash his hands again. I said, but don't you wash your balls in the shower properly? Surely there's nothing you can touch that'll be dirty because you've just had a shower. Please tell me this is not normal behaviour from Abby. Straight up, have you ever washed your hands after a shower? No, I wash them after I do my skincare. Absolutely.

But, yeah, no, I probably, like, when I dry myself, obviously I touch my boobs and my vagina and my bum and whatever because you do. Yeah, but, again, you've bum and whatever because you do. Yeah. But again, you've just had a shower, right? Yeah. If anything, I'd be saying wash your hands after using that towel. When was the last time you washed that towel?

So hang on. You wash your hands, dry your hands with the towel and you're like, well, now that my hands have touched the towel, I need to wash them again. Yeah. So you just leave in the bathroom now. Yeah, and it's just a perpetual cycle. I'm not going to say not normal, like so nah.

I'm not going to say nah, but I don't do it. So I guess nah then. It's a nah for me. However, sometimes, for instance, with the last one, you'd be like, nah, that's gross. But I say, nah, I haven't done that. But if I told my wife Bridget I did that, she would just like respect the hygiene.

Yeah. That's a bit unnecessary. But the fact that you're doing a bit more than your typical a bit less. See, that's the thing. Yeah. I don't think we should like normal or nah someone that's doing more than us. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

But, Abby, just to – I've not heard of that. Four years. Yeah. How have you not noticed that before now? That's, I wonder if. Four years is a long time. Well, I guess, but when someone else is in the shower, is that kind of like their time?

Especially when they're toweling themselves off, is that you just give them a moment? Maybe, but it's not as if like, even once, if you saw that happen once, you'd go, oh. What's the deal with that, bro? Are you all good? And they'd go, oh, yeah, I always do. Like because Abby's boyfriend thinks it's normal.

So he'd be like happily share that information. Well, what I love is that he probably thought everyone else was doing it. Yeah. And I'm here to tell Abby's boyfriend they're not. They're not. We're not. And we know what's up. Yeah.

We've got riz. Our finger on the pulse. We'll finger. We're not. And we know what's up. Yeah. We've got riz. Our finger on the pulse. We'll finger anything with a pulse. Yep. This is from Neve. Hi, Neve. Normal or nah, listening to a podcast at 1.5 speed? Personally, it's a nah from me.

But normal for my brother. He always says it's so slow. So when we listen together, they must be in the car together listening to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I have to listen to you guys at one and a half speed. Yeah, right. Have you ever listened to stuff sped up before? I have, but only I listened to this English podcast once

and they talk very slow. So listening at like one and a half speed actually was just like they talk very slow. Like you actually could barely notice that it was sped up. Yeah. But any Aussie podcasts that I've accidentally hit on or like hit play on after listening to something else sped up, Australians talk too fast. Yeah.

You actually can't listen sped up because then it sounds like blah, blah, blah. On some American podcasts I'll put on 1.5. And like you said, it kind of feels normal. Yeah. But do you know one of the most annoying things that I've ever heard in my life? Oh, tell me. For a whole semester.

Hang on. Ever in your whole life, this is the most annoying thing you've ever heard? Annoying, frustrating, annoying. Yeah, I'd say just because of when I heard it. Okay. So a whole semester of uni went past and there was like a Saturday morning three-hour like tutorial that I needed to do. So it's like the compulsory ones, the Thursday night or whatever,

but on Saturday morning you go and do some exercise. You can ask questions of the tutor and stuff. So it's a bit more hands-on and whatever. That sounds really good. Yeah, I couldn't get to those, but I used to watch, like it's on Zoom because it was during COVID, so I used to watch it later on. And it was like data analysis. It's pretty dry.

Super dry. And I was talking to someone and they said, oh, did you do the Saturday class? So I went, no, not in person, but I always watched them back. And the person goes, yeah, how great is it watching a lecture at double speed? You can just get through it. And after, because again, it's really slow and you get bogged down in points and stuff. And he told me this after the last one. So for the whole half a year, I sat and watched.

Imagine a three-hour pre-recorded lecture on data. Especially when there's like people asking questions or what, you know. Sorry, did you carry the three? Well, let me tell you about that. Yeah. And then does it get a bit like a recipe online? Why do you carry the three? Well, my great-grandmother loved to carry the three down to the pond.

There's actually been a bit of conjecture about that. Just tell me, do I carry the three or not? Yeah. And I'll move on. Fuck, how good's the word conjecture? Sorry, you just said that and that's fucking lit me up. Fondo me. Yeah.

Because conjecture. Yeah. Conjecture. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Yeah, that is good. Listen to me fucking add that to my vocab. I could have saved myself an hour and a half every week. And this guy was like, yeah, how great is a double speed?

And I went, you're joking. And he goes, yeah, see that button in the corner? And I went, of course. If you could have told me that at the start of the term. Yeah. Sorry, you just said that it went for three hours and then said, imagine if it was only an hour and a half. And I was like, oh, yeah, double speed half the time.

Yeah. Yep, math checks out. I'm on to it, yeah. You don't need to go to that data class. No conjecture about that. No. You don't need to go to that numbers catch-up session. Sounds like you're on top of it.

Carry the three. Wouldn't have thought so. So Niamh was forced to listen to the podcast sped up. But I want to know if anyone has ever listened to tony slowed down and now put your headphones on here because this is a slowed down tony talking about free-to-air tv oh lucky me and have a listen how drunk you sound there is so much choice online. You got Stan. Fucking KO. Yeah.

I don't know. What's the other one? Disney Plus. And then there was a few times where I just went, fuck, do you want to just put the telly on? And we watched some border security. We watched, you know, we watched heaps of shit. Wow.

It does sound drunk, right? Overly drunk. Like sitting around that glass table at the back of someone's house at 3am being like, let me tell you what I'm thinking. That's like first drinks territory. That's like first time someone's ever been drunk, you know, and you really

pretend to be drunk. And I'm fucking, you know, watching the telly. I talk like a drunk person just 24-7. It's just that it's faster. We were watching the fucking telly, and then we fucking had a great time.

So, yeah. Hey, it's Stephanie from North Carolina, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Just a reminder, next Saturday, the 21st of January. 21st. In Melbourne, St Kilda Beach from 10am. This Hot Fun Garbage podcast has a Hot Fun Garbage truck. Yep. St Kilda Beach, come and say hi.

If you've got some of your partner's clothes you want to throw out, if you've got a bag of your own clothes you've been trying to get rid of, they're going to be rehomed. Come throw them in the truck. Come and say g'day. St Kilda Beach next Saturday, the 21st. And we're saying clothes. Clothes. Yeah.

Don't bring a fridge. Don't bring your ex-boyfriend's couch. We can't help you with that. Do you need a new couch? Oh, maybe if you... No, no. Don't bring a couch. Don't bring a fridge. I'm open to couches. No, no, don't bring a couch, don't bring a fridge.

I'm open to couches. No, no, we're not. Legally, we aren't. But emotionally, I am open to couches. Okay, well, you can talk to Ryan about that privately on the day, but do not bring it to St Kilda Beach, please. Great, great, great, great. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas who hopefully,

if they're in Melbourne or if they're committed, they're coming down. Don't shame people. Next Saturday. The little wook didn't fly from Amsterdam to put something in a bin? Uncommitted. Yeah, sorry, I thought he liked the podcast. I thought he liked it.

That's me being drunk. Simone Thompson, thank you so much. Angelique Paris, Tasha Bourne, Sam Licey, and Katie Harding, thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. Thanks, Katie. You fucking love to see it. Yeah. We do heaps of stuff in our Patreon.

There's heaps of shit to check out. All the information's in our show notes. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert? Who's drunk now? Spoiler alert. People in Patreon voted about our costumes for Hot Fun Garbage, about who would make them because someone in the team is getting into craft. Yeah.

I said don't want to spoil something. But next week we'll be hearing about our costumes, won't we, Tony? Yep. Next week. Yep. So I'm not worrying about it now. Great. Sounds like next week's problem.

Yeah. There might be some bad news next week, but I don't have bad news now as well. Go on, ruin my weekend. What have you got? I don't really know how to bring this up because it's when Torbs told me about this, my boyfriend, been doing it for nine years, together for eight, he said, Tony, are you sitting down? He said, we've been together for eight years, together for eight, he said, Tony, are you sitting down? He said, we've been together for eight years.

You know I'm sitting down most of the time. Do you know me at all? Who's this rich bitch you're going to marry? Tony, you're not mid-marathon at the moment, are you? Yeah, so we weren't even on the phone. We were sitting on the couch together. I'm sitting right next to you. Yeah, I'm basically't even on the phone. We were sitting on the couch together. Oh, you're sitting down. I'm sitting right next to you.

Yeah, I'm basically sitting on top of you. Pippa's on top of me like we're a sandwich stacker right now. Like I can't go anywhere. That's a power move there. I hope you're sitting down. I am. Yeah, but don't you just know when someone says, are you sitting down, you do check?

Yeah. Like, are you sitting down? Yeah. Well, now that you mention it. Yeah. Am I they mention it have i been doing this wrong the whole time so we can confirm you were sitting i was sitting down what drink do i always order from mac and mac and cheese from mac and cheese from mcdonald's like not a coffee? No, no, no, no. Like if I'm getting, you know, like a large double quarter pounder meal.

Oh. What am I always fucking ordering? A Diet Coke. And what have I gone back through the drive-through to change to before? A Diet Coke. Thank you. Because, and this is like one of the, an error in the matrix that is Tony Lodge. Tony would never go back to change anything.

No. Or I wouldn't want to be a burden to the person working at the drive-thru. I don't want to hassle the waitress or whatever. But once you go, that's Coke Zero or that's regular Coke. It was regular Coke. Back through the drive-thru. I went back through the drive-thru and I was like, I'm so sorry. I just ordered a – I just said with Coke.

I meant Diet Coke. Oh, so hang on. Can I stuff it up? No, no, no. I'd ordered the wrong thing. Okay, right. And then pulled up to the next window and I was like, I'm so sorry. Could you change that?

And they went, oh, yeah, that's fine. Like it was not a big deal. Hang on a second. You pulled up to the next window. Yeah. So you didn't go back. Well, I went back through the process. I was going to say, a glitch in the matrix of Tony.

I cannot see you going back around. I mean, me reaffirming what I wanted is still pretty crazy. Crazy. Wild. It is. Cowboy world. So we've talked about this on the podcast before, right? I went back in.

Oh, okay. Sorry. No, I went back in. Did you? No, I just checked. I just talked to them again. I'm imagining you're like halfway down the highway. You've just like sipped and gone, that's regular coke.

Done a big U-turn in the Audi, got some smoke off the wheels, went back up the highway and was like, you've tried to fool me. You fucking put regular coke in my diet coke. Well, fucking you take that back, mate. You've told this story. That's what I imagined. No, well, we would. You know what, that's what it felt like. Was that, oh, sorry, could I get died instead?

Yeah, no worries. That is, it was far more dramatic than that. Apparently. I got a speeding ticket going back around. Can we do a segment just called Tony U-turn just so I can do that sound effect? I don't know what the segment is, but I just like doing that. Anybody listening, you could work on that segment idea for us and let us know in today's episode thread in the Facebook group,

Tony Around Podcast. So how does this new – what's happened here? Well, so we've talked about this on the podcast before, that post-mix drinks are so much better than any other drinks. 100%. And when we've talked about it as well, people that aren't in Australia said, what is post-mix? It's like fountain soda, I think.

Is that what it's called? So you get the syrup, they fill it with soda water, you get it at like the cinema or at Disneyland or whatever. But they're so much more thirst quenching because they've got all that soda water in them rather than just like. Okay, we've discussed this part before. And then we didn't know if that was true. Yeah, well, just the way.

It just feels like it though, doesn't it? It definitely 100% feels better. That part of it I think is a bit. Me legitimising it might actually not be true, but it feels like it, right? And so this article comes out on news.com.au, right? Yeah. And it says that across Australia and maybe beyond,

they are discontinuing Diet Coke at McDonald's just like straight away and they're discontinuing it. So it's not like, oh, get it until fucking July. It is currently January. But they're like not ordering it anymore, like it's done. But they're like not ordering it anymore. Like it's done. And their reasoning was that now people think that people prefer Coke Zero or regular Coke.

And I made the mistake once where we used to record at the old radio station. There was a drinks fridge and I'd always be like, oh, grab you a Coke. Yeah, I'll get a Diet Coke. And I'd go, oh, they've got Coke Zero here. That's all good. That's before I knew. I'd actually – I'd turn down a Coke. Yeah, I'll get a Diet Coke. And I go, oh, they've got Coke Zero here. That's all good. That's before I knew. I'd actually, I'd turn down a Coke Zero. But that's where, and that's before I knew the true Tony.

I was just, you know, cruising along offering Coke Zeros. Ignorance is bliss. Well, because Coke. Because you were like, no. Coke Zero, wait, because we've talked about this on the pod before as well. Coke Zero and Coke No Sugar, they're different, I think. And Coke Zero used to be good, but Coke Zero now isn't good anymore because remember they changed the.

Yeah, it sounds familiar, but I'm not sure. They changed something and now Coke Zero isn't as good as it used to be. Diet Coke is awesome. It's delicious. And it's not actually a diet thing for me. I actually prefer the taste. We grew up on it. Yeah, real Coke, like the red can, I don't enjoy.

It makes my teeth feel really furry. Like all that sugar just like sits in my tummy. It makes me feel really sick. So I actually, it's not like, oh, I'll have a Diet Coke because I'm like watching my weight. It's not that at all. I actually prefer the taste. Okay.

To the point where you would do a U-turn on a highway and go back and throw back a regular Coke into the drive-thru window. Yeah. Like bomb it into there, like a hand grenade into the window. No, I'd never do that. Yeah, I'd never ever do that. Anyway, so Torbs goes, are you sitting down? I've got some bad do that. Yeah, I'd never ever do that. Anyway, so Torbs goes, are you sitting down? I've got some bad fucking news. Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, my God, like how stressful. They don't have Diet Coke anymore. Yeah. I open the article. I scroll down. Ryan John, what is the drink that you order from McDonald's? Sprite. What? They're discontinuing Sprite. from McDonald's? Sprite. What?

They're discontinuing Sprite. What the fuck? Sprite? Lemonade? Yeah. What are they? What? Yeah.

They're replacing Sprite. Hang on. Are they replacing it with Sprite No Sugar? Sprite No Sugar. That's already been in place for a while. Really? Yeah. Well, because I saw it.

I saw it in this article, right? And I'm like, the worst day ever for the Tony and Ryan podcast. You can't go and get it. Shut it down. Shut it down. You can't go and get a Diet Coke and you can't go and get a Sprite after the show with our little nuggies. I appreciate, A, you saying nuggies, B,

Torbs checking to see if you were sitting down. Yep. But I do appreciate the heads up. Could you imagine we go through the drive-through without this prior knowledge and we go, yeah, g'day, mate, 20 pack of nugs to share and the lady will get a large Diet Coke and I'll get a large Sprite, thanks. And they go, oh, sorry, we don't do Diet Coke.

Cue meltdown right there in the drive-thru yep and then i would have got all smug and been like oh diet coke it's all the fucking same just get coke zero blah blah and it would have been probably dick about it yeah probably and i would have been like hey tony watch how easy it is just to order a fucking drink yeah you get a champion i'll just get a lemonade and a sprite and he goes oh we don't have that either and i would have been just like tony passed me the matches in a fucking deodorant can. I'm going to light this Maccas up and fucking burn the place down. Matches in a deodorant can?

Do you not have that in your glove box? What? Do you not have that in your glove box? No. Are you not ready to burn a place down at any moment? I actually think my spare key is in my glove box. Don't tell people that. Oh, it's not.

Thank God. I was going to rub, but she said it wasn't at the end so fucking hell um oh well i'm glad that you were prepared for that because i saw that and i thought both of our drinks that we get from mackers are gone i did think it was an interesting choice to just go oh coke is Coke is this, Diet Coke. Like it's very specific. Oh, no, but with Sprite we take out the regular and just leave the zero. And in Australia there's no Lyft anymore. Yeah, no. And Lyft's a bit different.

But that's more like a lemon squash, right, lemon. Yeah, and I used to love a Lyft. Yeah. Do you know what's good? A Solo. Yeah, well, it has to be now because Lyft is gone. Well, because Lyft is gone, yeah. Solo is great. Solo is really good. Less food so you canft is gone. Well, because Lyft is gone, yeah. Solo is great.

Solo is really good. Less busy so you can crash down faster. Exactly. I think Solo is only in Australia. Really? I think so. Oh, maybe I've made that up. I think it is.

I thought Lyft was only in Australia. Is Lyft Pepsi? No, Lyft is Coke. Is it? Yeah. Sprite's Coke? Yep. Or Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew is the Pepsi version of that, isn't it? Oh, that's its own category. Because you get that at KFC. Yep. Or Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew is the Pepsi version of that, isn't it? Oh, that's its own category. Because you get that at KFC. Yeah. Sunkissed. Very good. Very good. Pasiona.

You can't get that anymore. I went through a drive-through the other day and I went, sorry, mate, we've got some issues with the drinks. We've only got Fanta. See, I'd get nothing. If Fanta was here, I don't get Fanta. I think it's because as a kid I wasn't allowed Fanta. See, I'd get nothing. If Fanta was you, I don't get Fanta. I think it's because as a kid I wasn't allowed Fanta. And so your mind has just accepted that that is taboo.

I'm not allowed Fanta, yeah. So how do you think you'll move on with your life now? Well, I guess the options are always keep a case of Diet Coke cans in my boot in case I go through the Magus Drive-Thru. I thought you did that. Yeah. Smart, though. Or death.

I guess that's it. R.I.P. Far out. That is sad news. And sorry to everyone that had to hear that. Yeah. Prepare yourselves. I honestly was like, oh, my God, you're going to hate this as well,

but you already were prepared for the Sprite. Honestly, it was like, oh, my God, you're going to hate this as well, but you already were prepared for the Sprite. Yeah, well, I thought it must have been the Sprite thing was broken. You know there's always something broken. When they go, oh, sorry, we can't do Sprite, we can do Sprite Zero, and I went, I can cop that for a day. Do you reckon it's because, like, of all of the drinks at McDonald's,

that's probably what kids would order? What about? I have no idea. Like probably kids would order. What about? I have no idea. Like probably kids would ask for a lemonade. We always had theories. I thought lemonade, and they're all just as bad as each other. Let me put that right out there. Yeah. But for some reason as a child, one of those childhood myths,

I thought like Sprite was like the least bad. Yeah, sure. Because it didn't have all that artificial colour. Yeah. And then Fanta was the worst because it was so sweet and orange. Yeah. See, I think that that's probably why we never had it either. But is that just like they're all fucked, right?

I think they're all fucked. Yeah, okay. Oh, but make it a zero. Yeah. I've got to get up to see it here. What is it? This guy posts on Reddit, he's sitting at a cafe, reading the paper, having his morning coffee,

minding his own business. I think he's waiting for some friends there. That sounds lovely. When was the last time you went and had, like, your morning coffee and read the newspaper or read a book or something? Yesterday. Did you go somewhere and read the paper? So, at my local in Eltham, there's papers and stuff, and I think I texted you.

There was, like, the computer system was down. Yeah. I'm like, oh, sorry, the F password. They got the coffee ready, and there was, like, newspapers up on this high bench where you can watch, like, the world go past. Oh. And they're like, oh, it might just be five minutes, but I'll have to, like, re-dig the computer system and, like,

reboot it or whatever so we can't take your money. Oh, so genuinely you sat there and had your, oh. Yeah, and went, okay, I'll have a sip of this cappuccino and read the paper. Okay, but before that, when was last time? Oh, fuck it, who knows? It fucking never happens. So he's just enjoying his day, blah, blah, blah.

And then he notices this little girl and her mother sitting on the table next to them. And the mother goes, go on. It's okay. You can ask him. And so he's like, what the fuck is about to happen? He's like, what have I got on my face? Yeah, exactly. He's like, what's the matter?

Am I sitting down? Yeah. So the little girl hops off her seat and kind of like plonks along over him and goes, oh, excuse me, to the guy. And he's like, yep, what's going on? And she says, do you have to put your tattoos on by yourself every morning or does your mum help you?

That's fucking adorable. It is. And he's trying not to spit his coffee out in just like laughter and adorableness. And he just goes, yep, I do it all by myself. Well, that's not true. No, and he fucking lied to a child. Yeah.

Children of the future. Give them the knowledge they seek. Well, he was just basically. That was beautiful. Sorry, do I need to jump off a Spotify podcast and onto LinkedIn for inspiration? Can you say that again, please? Excuse me. I said, children of the future, give them the knowledge they seek.

Don't underestimate the intelligence of a child. Tell her that they're permanent. She'll get it. I like that. Thanks. Sorry to fuck you, you love to say it, because that is adorable. I'd hate for her to go and get a tattoo tomorrow night thinking that, oh, I'll just put it on for the day. Yeah, oh, mum can help me.

Yeah. Unless your mum's a tattoo artist and I think she can. Well, I think the fact that she asked that question means the mum's probably told some fibs on the way there. Or just not corrected a few mistruths. You know what I mean? Oh, why don't you ask him? Yeah.

I'm just going, my kid's a fucking idiot. Yeah. Oh, you know that question you asked me three weeks ago? Yes. Ask that guy. Why don't you go and ask some random? I'm just trying to have a coffee and read the paper. Yeah, I haven't done this in years.

My annoying daughter is just fucking bombing me up with shit questions about tattoos. That's my I Love To See It. That is a very sweet question. My I Love To See It is a recommendation of a TV show. It is not on free to air. It's on binge. But it's available, I think, like around the world called Taskmaster. Have you ever watched that show?

No, but they're doing an Australian version. They are. That makes me nervous because Australians aren't great at doing Australian versions. Okay, but this show is so good. I would kill to go on the Australian version of this fucking show. It is. So what the show is, so the English one, you know Greg Davis,

the really tall comedian? Yes. From Inbetweeners, he's like the mean principal. He's like the host and there's another guy that runs all these challenges and it's like really weird creative stuff. So there's like six comedians and one of the ones last week was like, paint Greg, paint the taskmaster, and you have to be laying on your back and the canvas can either be six inches away from you or six feet.

So it's like you're either like right underneath something trying to paint this massive canvas or you had to like put paintbrushes together and like try and paint in the air. What did they choose? So some of them went close and some of them went far. So it's like you watch then a chopped up version of them doing it. There's a Kiwi version as well, which is fucking hilarious.

Ursula Carlson and Guy Montgomery and stuff have been on it, so it's so funny. But it is the best fucking show. It's such an easy, light show. So are you recommending the original UK? I am recommending that one because there's a new season out of that, but both of them that I've watched, the UK and the NZ one, are really good.

It's a fucking really good show. And I feel like, yeah, heading into the weekend, you need something to pop on while you're, you know, knitting. Not drinking a Diet Coke from Macca's. Yeah, I mean, boycott that, John. I mean, what else are you going to be doing? Stay home and watch that instead. Yeah, Taskmaster. Don't go down to the Macca's and get some drive-thru? Nah. Nah, I want, boycott that job. I mean, what else are you going to be doing? Stay home and watch that instead. Yeah, Taskmaster.

Do you want to go down to the Maccas and get some drive-thru? No. No, I want to watch Taskmaster. Tony Lodge said it was good. Tony Lodge wants to go on the Australian version. Do you want to? Yeah. Okay, can I character floor Tony Lodge?

You said I'd kill to go on that show. Yeah. But instead of killing, would you just send an email? Because I feel like when you say I'd kill, it kind of implies kill or anything easier. Or are you just wanting to kill a guy? I really want to kill. When you talked about the deodorant and the matches before,

I just thought, you know what, that sounds pretty good. I'd do that to get on a TV show. Well, you will. It's called The News. That's really nice. A young, attractive Richmond lady set fire to a local McDonald's. Oh, I thought you were going to say about yourself. Young, attractive man, but you're talking about me.

A young, attractive Richmond woman set alight a local McDonald's this morning. Witnesses say she was screaming bloody murder about the lack of Diet Coke available in the drive-thru. That'll get you on the TV. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'll just do that. Okay, yeah. Cut the middleman.

It was my task. They said I had to do it. All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye.