Toni and Ryan - Toni Has Broken Her Foot

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

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ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's the show that we recommend. I'm Mark. And I'm Ryan, and you might know us from our award-winning CBC podcast. Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand-new show, the town show. On The Town Show, we are building a fictional town. Every week, we invite a guest comedian on to riff with us about new citizens, new buildings, historical landmarks for our made-up town.

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I've got the video Hi, I'm Jess from Melbourne, Australia Hi, I'm Sam from Saratoga Springs, New York in the US I'm Merley from Hamilton, Canada And I approve this podcast Tony Lodge, our hero, our queen, as sexy as can be. Unfortunately, she's broken her foot in an Airbnb. She tripped on a stare, a girl flew through the air.

And now I podcast with a. moon boot by my knee. There it is. If we show that on the wide, Tony Lodge, welcome to an episode. Tony has broken her foot. And I'm sweaty.

I'm not wearing a bra. There's a lot going on. Is it true that when you went to the hospital, you were wearing bathers? I was wearing a one-piece bathing suit under my clothes. And that was about three hours ago. maybe two hours ago. You've been to the hospital.

Being to the hospital. We'll get to all that. And then just then I went, I really need to go to the bathroom, but I'm really scared. And Lily was like, you'll be okay. I can help you over there.

I was like, I'm still wearing my bathers. So I've had to just like fully de-robe in the toilet. Was it last week that we said, you never feel more naked than when you're naked, but with shoes on? I've just got my moon boot on. Oh.

How did it feel? Naked. To be fully naked, but with one moon boot. And also, I had to, Lily deserves a pay rise for sure because she's like, can I get me anything? I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm going to need you to go get me a pair of knickers from my bag. So she went and got me some undies and then obviously had to pass them back to me while

I was naked because I hadn't gotten back, dressed back up yet. Yep. Pretty humbling. Yeah. So in the past week, I'm the only one who hasn't seen it. very true something isn't fair yeah i'll be honest i'm anyone's at the moment i'm pretty sad i don't yeah like it you just need like a sympathy railing i think so yeah not but i think i'd be any good at the moment no but you'd still be able to do your your your best spot yeah

the starfish yeah now give us a pain level oh i reckon i'm a five out of five at the moment nah i'm probably a four is anyone surprised that tony one out of five oh that must be american that's what they asked me at the hospital that was the rating on the iPad that I had to do so yeah that's what be in your mind interesting because when you said five I was like oh you don't have to be tough like yeah no five out of five differences in health care systems that's probably the only difference between Australia and America and that my credit card's taking a fucking battering today um can I just say though about the American healthcare system yeah everyone around the world looks at America and

goes how cooked is that everything so expensive with health care not the case single Charles came back from the hospital and said did you know they give out free condoms and not only did you know he's got a handful

yeah there's um oh read the size of that that Charles has picked for himself large slash grand grand format and I said to Charles

put that one back we can use that one twice this is grand map this says kiss and tell extra large who doesn't it say don't kiss and tell thin and smooth I'll keep this one yeah um yeah so Charles is like look at all those free um condoms as they're like that'll be three thousand dollars to me I'm glad that one of us is done well out of this now do you want to like just give us the play by play of how you actually broke your foot so I was um

downstairs and I was almost back upstairs and I was like oh my god I'll go back and get my Kindle out of my bag so that I can read on the couch and then as I went back downstairs I grabbed it and then I was like oh um I better not run down these stairs because I don't want to hurt myself and that is when I fell I reckon I fell like four stairs down and I've fallen on my foot and like just eating like fully eaten shit but your foot just was the first thing the cop there yeah And then I didn't have my phone because I was running downstairs to just like come straight back up. Yeah. So I didn't have my phone.

You were like in the shower or something. Charles was out and Lil was upstairs and I called out, but I didn't have my phone or anything. So I'm like, I'm just have to hobble back upstairs to find someone because I was like, what am I going to do? Just lay here until someone comes looking for me. You know what I mean? You could have been there for weeks. well you guys probably just been like oh she's going for a sleep like she's fine you know um so

i was like i'm just going to have to hop her upstairs and i was like while i'm full of adrenaline and it doesn't hurt too much i'll go now and so i got back upstairs i was like little little as she came inside she's like you're all right i'm like doubled over like wise a ghost i was like i think i've just broken my foot she was like what and like jumped into action obviously Charles ended up getting back and he was like, do you want me to call? Should we go to the hospital?

I was like, I don't need to go to the hospital. Like, no way. Did you think you'd broken? You're like fully broken? No. Or you're just like, oh, I've just had a... Well, no, I was like,

I was like, I reckon I've broken it. But I was like, I'm actually just in pain. Like, you know when you're kind of like, fuck, that's broken. But you don't really know. And then when Charles was like, do you want to go to the hospital? I was like, fuck no.

Like, no way. And then Lily asked, a doctor's friend of hers, Chat Jebtee. And she was like, I think we should go for an x-ray. It did look, by the time I'd seen it, which had a bit of time had passed. Only like 15, 20 minutes or something. But it was purple and swollen and the swelling was growing. It was like to the side as well.

Like I've actually got like a side by side of my feet because I was like, isn't that bad? And then looked at the other foot and I was like, oh, it like is. Are you planning on putting that on the internet? No. Well, we can put it on here, but not like, I'm not going to post it on Instagram and hang. Wiki feet are going to have an absolute field day of this.

Now, I nearly just stumbled into one of the... Don't say stumbled. That feels nasty. I'm sorry, it's too soon. I know your people don't like that. Well, sorry, I don't want to. Did you... How about you, shut up?

We've got a TikTok here. What age do you stop saying I fell over and what age do you start saying I had a fall? You know what I mean? Like, you know when old people say, oh, they've had a fall. Yeah. Whereas if I fell over today, you'd go, oh, she's falling over, stupid bitch. A few weeks ago, you bullied me for tripping over.

Yeah, but you fell over. You didn't have a fall. Now, I actually feel somewhat vindicated that I'm not having a fall yet. I think we all agree with this theory, but to make it more specific, I'm going to do the two of us, we'll do a public service. I'm going to fall on my face once a week for the next 25 years. and just say... And we'll see how it lands.

Not lands, nice, yeah. I knew, obviously, that as a tourist here in the USA, I would need to consult with my insurance before I went to the hospital because I didn't know what was going to happen. I am like in searing pain. I can't, I'm just like trying to breathe through it. I'm like a woman having contractions. I'm like, because it just hurt so fucking much.

Charles gets on the phone to the insurance. people and he goes hi i'm calling on behalf of my friend tony who's just had a fall kick her fucking slut while she's down of all the times i didn't even realize what i yeah that's that's what makes it more accurate yeah i know after all she's been through today she's broken her fucking foot and then you need to stick a dagger in her heart yeah but she broke her foot because she took a fall. I didn't take, are we, are we sticking with that that I took a fall?

Well, somebody else almost said it a second ago as well. Yeah. I was more asking the question, but it does roll off the tongue when you describe it. Do you think that maybe we had it wrong and it's not about how old you are? It's about how serious the injury is. Because if I fell over and got back up,

you'd be like, okay. but if you have a fall you're probably going to the hospital and broke a hip or something and I broke a foot you had a fall and broke your foot I can share the x-ray as well it's like pretty gnarly

yeah how good of x-rays you're like well it obviously sucks I've got a broken foot but how good is this look well I had to get three and had to pay for all of them so that wasn't awesome but the doctor comes out and she's like look I'm not supposed to really tell you this

but like it's broken but she broke like you know how they go oh we have to wait until it goes to a specialist and the orthopedic surgeon will tell you what's wrong whatever um literally and she's like oh I'll have to schedule you in you're like just tell me what it looks like and I'm like oh so she's like yeah so you see how those four bones are all together and that fifth one isn't and I was like oh sure so that's what we're looking at so was there a moment when you found actually first of all when she says it's broken like are you kind of like maybe it's a spraying we're being precautionary but like

tell me about the moment when she's like this sounds dumb but it almost like hurts more when you know that it's broken totally um i can actually reenact this for you please if you want to say it's broken um honey it's broken fuck off i've got the video And did you, did the, the doctor, did they know that you were saying fuck off to the situation? Or did you think, like, did they think you were telling them to fuck off? No, then she goes, see? Like, they were fully on board. It's broken.

Fuck off. See? You're joking. And she goes. Just in case someone in this hospital doesn't know which country I'm from. Yeah. Oh, would you look at that bloody jingo? Yeah.

Well, so we're getting there and like, then. nurse he was phenomenal he was great he's like so what happened i was like fell down the stairs ate shit he goes that's what i would say too like he was awesome and then and then like and then i said something about being australian and he goes oh i thought maybe you were from new zealand and i was like don't tell them that hi i'm jess from melvin australia hi i'm sam from saratoga springs new york in the u.s i'm marley from hamilton canada and you're listening to tony Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. And let me tell you, Audible's romance collection has something for every side of you.

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kerry lions there'll be lions down for the rest of the next six weeks oh i was actually having up yeah it's a six week's in the boot. We can come back to it if you want, but that is a long time. Emily, Brittany McKenzie,

Megan Dillon, Rina, Krista, Ames Bell and Mbby. Thank you so much for being a champion Tapper. Tarpers of all levels have their names scrolling along the bottom. And champion Tapers are just absolutely fucking legends. And I was about to say things coming up, but who's to say if that's,

still happening so I won't commit to anything yeah um thanks for paying for my medical bills without your support Tony couldn't have a fall and break her foot in foreign countries and pay for x-rays yeah so from the bottom of Tony's toes thank you um so six weeks yeah so she's like the doctor like she comes in she says it's broken I tell her to fuck off then I'm like she goes oh we um we're gonna fit you for a moon boot and i was like do you have to like what's the you know is there an alternative she's like not really and i was like what is an alternative she goes well you can either have a moon boot or you can have a moon boot and crutches so i ended up with a moon boot and crutches because she was like you're it's too

like you're in too much pain yeah um anyway and then i was like oh well so like how does that work because like can I return it to you um soon because like I'm flying like I'm not going to be here for long and she goes what and I was like oh well like how do I return it to you like do I just you know wear it for two days and then give it to you before I get on the plane even in emergency Tony is still panicked about logistics I'm thinking about the logistics because I didn't I'm 31 I'm 32 in November I've never broken a bone before this is my first time yeah no is it almost like a right of passage to fucking fall off the trampoline and break your arm and get everyone to sign your cast and stuff. Yeah and I'm too fucking old now to be breaking

bones. I texted Lily when she texted and goes she's in a moon boot and I went do we not do plaster anymore. I know I wish that it was plaster. Is that just because then you could just like draw a dick of balls on there and like how funny you know. Yeah. Oh dude. And so like a is that like in the past? I don't think they I think it's not hygienic enough. It's not because because they fucking stink, right? So this, he's like, that's going to stink hell bad. And he showed us. We're not in Los Angeles in the middle of summer.

And he showed us how to, like, wash it and stuff. Did he show, who else did he show? Charles, well, Charles and I were in there together. Fucking bless him. He was so helpful. Lily was waiting for us, but like, Charles, how do you feel to be the designated foot washer? Oh, I didn't realize how I was taking that on.

Oh. What do you want me to do? Wash your own foot. I can come into the bathroom with you the shower. What the fuck do you think she can? No, no, no, Charles, I'm the talent. Yeah, I'll come to the shower with you. I'll come to the shower with you.

Well, oh, Lil, I already said how I'll go in. So, um, Tony and I have now swapped room so she doesn't have to like face those stairs anymore. Yeah. Uh, which means you've actually got that big shower with a seat in it now. I actually did. So you can sit in there and fucking pop your foot up. Charles can rub it and wash it.

We could all go in there together. Well, there's two heads in there. so yeah would you like to hear the moment when you found out it was six weeks I'd love to actually um and so and is it the boot like

depending on how I go is that just like for a while do it for at least six weeks I'm gone the orthop will tell you too when you see them like when you get back

six weeks for the one you have the type of fracture at least are you joking six weeks try your best okay just be consistent

with it because I made them the steak, I broke up my foot twice and I was stubborn. Oh, or you're speaking to the wrong doctor. So hang on. It's a minimum of six. Yeah. So she guys...

How do you return the boot? So this is kind of what I was saying. I'm like, oh, well, how am I going to get back to you? She's like, well, you're going to have to wear it for six weeks and I was like, fuck off. And then she's like, yeah, when are you going to be home? Because as soon as you get home, you need to go and see an orthopedic surgeon to, like, have another set of x-rays and like see if it's healing right and stuff like I'm not gonna don't think I'm gonna have to have surgery or anything like but you'll make sure it's

healing in the right spot yeah and yeah so I'm immediately was just like oh like how am I gonna get this back to you so I own this bad boy did you yeah and I own those crutches as well do you yeah and when you say own them they were like they don't miss you on the oh they don't miss you now they see you coming on the invoice yeah and as you walking through there's like oh crutches 399 you know like there yeah it's all on the there's literally if you had a like giving us a bit of notice we could have got them on amazon for the 19 dollars and then they're planning this afternoon to fall down some stairs yeah let's get some crutches on the way let's order some stuff let's get some crutches on the way but so like we're

sitting right like before we got let in because we were third or fourth on the list or something and we're sitting in there and like charles had taken the car back around and like parked Lil and I are waiting there and um we'd ordered food just before I fell down the stairs and like none of them had eaten anything and

and Lily's like you need to eat something and I was like I feel so rotten like I just I can't I mean so much pain The amount of drugs are about to pump into you yeah got to get something down and I was like oh I just can't eat anything

and she's like well I'm pretty hungry Charles like I'm also pretty hungry and then I realized that along with my like passport and credit card and all the stuff of mine that Lil was holding. She's got this massive paper bag and it's the Uber Eats that we ordered before I broke my foot and they brought it with them to the hospital

and we're sitting there in the waiting room eating this food normal or nah eating in a hospital waiting room. I said to Charles we can't eat that here. He goes, why not? Why not? I tell you what? That is so rogue to me. Everyone else would have fucking hated you because as someone who also ate that Uber

eats, it smelled fucking good. It smelled amazing. So my mate Yorkie was running late for a flight and the whole plane is sitting there on the the, the whole plane is sitting on the tarmac. And you know how those two people run in at the end and everyone's like, fuck, dude. Everyone else got here on time. Yeah. He waltzes onto the plane with two full bags of hungry jacks.

And everyone's like, oh, glad you made time for that. The reason we're waiting for you is because you. You were in line at the airport, Hungry Jacks. And not only that, we have to now sit here and smell those delicious chips. Oh, yum. And everyone's just like, motherfucker. And so Hungry Jacks is like Burger King. So they've got like onion rings.

They've got chips. Like, oh, fuck, that sounds pretty decent. Hey. Imagine there's someone in there with like nausea, really sore stomach. Not a good flyer. Yeah. Yeah. And then, no, I mean, in the where you were today.

Oh, my God. It's so true. I thought you meant on the plane. No, they've got. nausea because they're in hospital for it and then these three foreign assholes wander in oh who's got the dip i was like literally if you ever wanted to see the most obnoxious Australians you'd ever seen and so we sit down and we're sitting there and whatever and then charles not only like are we sitting there eating it's not just like a sandwich like it's like

salad bowls yeah it's not on your lap meal no and you kind of like I was like you know what I'm going to make a choice here and kind of like try and keep like they're eating to a minimum and try and like be as low maintenance as possible not fucking Charles he gets out a knife, fork and spoon

silver cutlery that he took from the Airbnb that he took from the Airbnb nothing came with the Airbnb order your hands fucking tight on he pulls out he pulls out knife fork and spoon

silver from the Airbnb right and then he goes pops open a dressing a vinegarette I believe it was no no it was like a big man and he pours that over the whole of his food right looks amazing like looks unreal he goes to i'm sitting there with a broken foot let me just reiterate that to everybody we didn't know that at

the time no we didn't but i was sitting there i think i feel like we did if you had to guess one way or the i was sitting there with a target plastic bag with a wet towel in it because that was the closest we had to a fucking i put no you did there was love in that there was love in Matt. I was with you on the anti-Charles. I put so much love. You put love in that. I put ice in the bag and it was a bit too rough so I put a towel in to soften it up

so I could keep your foot ice on the way to the hospital. Yeah. All I'm going to say is picture this. Fat girl hospital waiting room. Target bag on the foot. Picture that. Eating lunch. Eating lunch.

As if like it was a cafe. Anyway, so Charles picks. His cafe does x-rays. Charles picks out his fucking his cutlery, puts his sort of. sauce on there he takes a big bite and he goes oh that sauce that sauce is pretty spicy and like steam starts coming out of his ears he's like oh where's my water bottle he's clanging around trying to get his fucking water bottle and then he goes up to the front desk to the beautiful nurses there and he goes you guys got any tissues and there's like a box of tissues there

imagine how many dirty hands have stuck their hands in there he grabs the tissues and he scrapes the mayonnaise off his food because it's too spicy again I'm sitting there with a target bag on my foot a broken foot she has but Charles has to make it all about him and there's like obviously other people there was like when we first got there there was five other people waiting to be seen

one person left like because it was taking too long Yeah, fuck. But yeah. So there's like other people in there. He's like scrapes the mayonnaise off his food. And then he goes, can you just hold this? Because I'm just going to put this in the bin.

And he goes and puts that in the anyway. And then he keeps eating it. And he goes, God, that was just so spicy. I thought it would be like the mayonnaise we have back home. Oh, sorry. We're in L.A. Like, it's fine. Like you're fine.

And then he goes back into this big bag. Let's shut the fuck up about your foot. How's Charles feeling? How's Charles? How are you doing, but are you doing okay? Yeah, I'm sorry for being a distraction. I just didn't want you to think about your foot, so I thought if I caused a bit of a scene,

then like it'll help you recover a bit. But are you okay though? Have you recovered from your incident? I've recovered from my incident. Both Charles and Lil were very, very helpful. You've been so helpful. You could have called your mouth down from the ice from the target bag. Yeah.

It was in use. And then, um, and then like he finishes that up and we go, thank God, like the saga's over. He pulls out a can of drink, cracks it open in the thing and he's like oh Ryan wouldn't like this one it's great and I was like

that's cherry he doesn't like cherry I don't want I was thinking about you though they pull me in right they go oh yep ready for Tony they pull me in there he brings the drink with him

what was I going to do leave it they move me they move you are like usually usually so capable and organised

and good at reading a room and this is the biggest travesty happened today. They move me to another room. The drink comes as well. They come in, they go out. They come in, they go out, all good.

And then he goes, it's great. Do you want some? Then he goes, oh, shakes it like it's empty. He goes, oh, do you reckon they recycle? As a joke. As a joke. I can get 10 cents back for this can. And the only thing next to him,

I can put that towards the crutches. The only thing next to him was a hazardous waste bin. A medical hazardous waste bin. Like, you know, there's probably an appendix in there or something. Kidneys, like some flaps of skin that's come off. Yeah. And he goes to open that. He goes to open that, like, as a joke.

And I was like, and he was like, I wouldn't. I was like, well, you've done some crazy stuff. You brought it in. Fucking how. Now, tomorrow on the show, while these guys are at the hospital, like Tony's room has these crazy stairs, which is what caused the fall. RIP. And I was like, the last thing Tony's going to want to do is, well, you literally cannot go up

those stairs. It's not even like, I'd prefer not to. It's like, you can't. Yeah. So I... Is tomorrow Ryan's POV of this situation? Oh, no, there's just one concept because I was like, I'll change our rooms over, get all your stuff, bring it up.

And I'll wash all the sheets in the towers and blah, blah, blah. So I want you to come home and be comfy, not have to walk up those stairs again. I had, because you didn't know where we were. moving rooms, obviously. Totally. Your stuff was everywhere and whatever, and I just had to, like, go in and just pack your stuff up and move it. Is there anything weird?

Tomorrow on the show. I just have a view. Okay. Yeah. I love it. I just, you know. I don't know if I can do what you love to see it at this late stage. Oh, I think...

I've got one. I, no. Okay. Well, you go, but I'll, I've got to you love to see it. Well, I saw this internet meme that really made me laugh. Okay. while I was on my death bed at the hospital. This little, this woman now, oh, sorry, Caleb, so I'm guessing it's a he.

My parents told me for almost 21 years that my birthday was October 30. I've lived my whole life knowing my birthday was October 30. My mum just sent me this photo and in quotes, the text that his mum sent was, turns out we were off by a day. And there's a photo of his mom holding him in hospital. and remember when cameras had the date on the side? Yeah, the old, um, they're like, yeah, they're like burned into their photo. And what dates on there?

It's the 29th of October. Isn't that so funny? Turns out we're off by a day. Like casual as anything. Wouldn't the births are, yeah, I was going to say, you don't, the passport and, like, the doctor has to sign something, go, yep, time of birth. Yeah. But, you know, hospital chat, obviously a nicer side of the hospital that I was on.

Yeah. My love to see it Is Tony Felicia Louise Lodge Because even though She cheated death today Literally broke her foot She was like

The Tarp community Getting an episode So as soon as we get back from the hospital Perch me fucking peg up on the couch And hit record Because I ain't letting this stop me So I think everyone just appreciate the bravery of Tony Lodge And that's my love to see it

We will be back tomorrow because we've got more to discuss We will be back, yeah And Ryan said he'll only give me sympathy until the tappers find out I'm gonna really need you guys to lift No, I said until then I'll have to like do the heavy lift Yeah, yeah And then you said I said, I will care about you until then is what you said

No, like I'll give you extra to then And then I said how are you going and you went and then I jumped in the pool. Yeah. So how I... No, we'll be back tomorrow. Part two tomorrow. To be continued.

To be continued. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Acast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Mark.

I'm Ryan, and you might know us from our award-winning CBC podcast, Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand-new show, The Town Show. On The Town Show, we are building a fictional town. Every week, we invite a guest comedian on to riff with us about new citizens, new buildings, historical landmarks for our made-up town. The best way to describe it is, you know that Simpsons poster with every character on it? We're trying to create that, but in podcast form. So listen to The Town Show out every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

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