Toni and Ryan - Toni Has News

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

TODAY IS BIG!!!! Hate to use a clickbaity title, but this is a DOOZY! Very exciting day, and NO SPOILERS but you may find this link handy if you live in Australia or New Zealand, or and link to preorder for the rest of the world!!!! FUCKIN LOVE YOU! THANKYOU!!! Toni xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome to the podcast. Hello. Hello. Emma. Hi. Hi, Emma. How are you? I'm good, thank you.

I do have a bone to pick with you, Tony. Oh, please tell me. What did I do? So I was watching your live just before and I was eating lunch because it's 10 o'clock in Sydney. Yep, yep, lunchtime. Eating lunch, had a mouthful of pasta and you need to cream and you start flapping your hands everywhere. So I snorted and pasta came out my nose and I was like dying

for like 10 minutes. Even though that happened, Emma, would you mind approving this podcast? Of course. I'm more than happy to approve. Yay! Hey, it's Emma from Sydney and I approve this podcast. Big day today. Yeah.

And Tony's freaking out. I am freaking out a little bit, actually. We'll get to that soon. So just take a deep breath, have a sip of your iced latte. I got naughty milk today. Yeah. Tony's like, I'm getting cow milk, I got a big day. Yeah. I thought, I swear to yourself. Treat yourself, girl. Yeah. I'm getting cow milk. I've got a big day. Yeah. I thought,

I'll just spoil you yourself. Trait yourself, girl. Yeah. First, normal or nah? Normal or nah? Quick shout out to Tapa Nicole who's into the show, by the way.

Hi, Tapa Nicole. Do you remember the other day? I can't remember what we were doing and I said someone was called Nicole and you went, Nicole. What were we doing? I don't know.

I think we were recording personalised videos and I was like, this is for Nicole and you went, hi, Nicole. It was really weird. Nicole, what are we doing? I don't know. I think we're recording personalised videos. And I was like, this is for Nicole, and you went, honey, Nicole. When are you going to stop teasing my inability to read? You can read. Fuck off. More on that later.

Just a quick cute little shout out to Nicole because she goes, normal or nah, listening to the podcast at work and yelping out, nah, and then having to explain to everyone in the office what the fuck you're talking about. The other day as I was falling asleep, this is to remind me, the other day, oh, my God, have you watched The Mole on Netflix? No, but I love the original in Australia. The new Netflix one is fucking phenomenal.

And there's this part where they've all got backpacks on. Anyway, and we were watching it the other night. And as I was falling asleep, Torb's put his arm around me and I went, don't steal the stuff out of my backpack. And he went, what? And I went, oh, don't worry, I was falling asleep. I didn't mean that. You know when you're kind of like falling asleep,

you're like half dreaming already? Yeah. So Nicole being like, no. Just like reminding me. It was about the sitting down when you flush the toilet. That's fair enough. That has gone viral online, Matt Jones. And I think it's because I'm assuming it wasn't like a, nah, when everyone else heard it, they went, nah.

Well, that's what I did. Luckily we didn't end up calling it fun or fucked. Because imagine Nicole would have been like, fucked. And then she wouldn't have a job anymore. Yeah. So she could listen to the podcast in peace at the unemployment office. All right, Frankie Reads has messaged through. Hi, Frankie. Changing what you're going to order at a restaurant

so there's not more than one of the same dish on the table. Normal. I hate that this is normal. Yep. Because as a rational who gives a fuck, I'm like, just order what you want. But no. No.

For some reason, I can't. If you order. Say I've got the chicken parm. Guess I'll get the steak. Yep. No, I totally agree. Why is that though? Why?

I don't know. But, I mean, you and your wife, Bridget, whenever you go out for dinner, you like share, like even if you have two mains or whatever, you'll like share. Yep. So do you think that that's where it's come from for you? Because you're like, oh, well, if we both get the chicken parm, then I don't get to try another thing.

Yeah. Well, I think most places, yeah, if we go to an Italian place, we'll get like, let's get one pizza and one pasta. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. And maybe that's where that, because, yeah, what's the point? Yeah.

Going to share two pastas. Do you know, I will raise a quick maybe. I feel like a parma's different because if you all go to the pub and it's like parma night. You're all going to get parma. Yeah. Of course. I mean, not you.

You get the eggplant one. Not on purpose. Not on purpose. Don't mention the wall. I will bring up like one caveat to this. You know when you're going somewhere though and you can't pick what to get and someone else orders one of the two things you're like tossing up between and you're like, I don't want to get order envy.

Maybe I should get the same thing. Oh. I thought you were going to say if you were going to choose between the two and someone else orders one of them, then you have to get the other and it makes the decision for you. But then like, what if you taste the other person's and you go, well, I got the fucking eggplant parmigiana by accident. And you cry yourself to sleep that night.

I did. That did happen. Then that big moth came, remember? Anyway, but like, then I think that when you get order envy, you go, oh, you know, the other time when this happens is when you go somewhere you've been before and you really liked the thing that you got the last time and you're like, do I venture out and get something new or do I just stick with it?

Stay true. But then someone else is getting that and you go, oh, fuck, I feel like I shouldn't get the same thing again. I always get the Quattro Salumi, no one else can get it. Exactly. That's a tough one. I always get the same thing from Subway, and I think I've only ever deviated probably like a handful of times.

Same. Never had a good time. You know what I have done before, though, is gotten like a six-inch of the thing that I always get, which is chicken fillet, and then gotten like a six-inch of like a meatball or something like that. Double six-inch. Well, because instead of getting a foot long, you go two defo six-os.

That's what they say at Subway. Defo six-os. Two defo six-os. And how did you like the change? I've never thought of that. That's a great idea. Like I thought that was quite good. Because I didn't hate getting like a half-half pizza back in the single days.

Oh, yeah. It was like, oh, do I want this or want that? Can I get half-half? Yeah, or just order two and have the rest for lunch the next day. That's what I'd do. Yeah. Don't pretend to order two and have the rest for lunch the next day. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'd do. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't pretend to be hot and thin around me, man. Okay, okay. I see you. Yep, and I feel seen. Yeah, good. My wife, Bridget, and her dad are the only two people that do this, surely. Normal or nah? When watching free-to-air TV, muting the ads.

Oh, my God. And you know what gives me the shits? Yeah. Every time the ad comes on, it's like, where's the remote? Yeah. And they put it on. And then the anxiety of when the show comes back on. Where's the fucking remote?

Put the volume back on. Turn off mute. Scott Camp's talking. It's the final of the block. Yeah. Normal or nah? Tony. Normal. Really Camm's talking. It's the final of the block. Yep. Normal or nah? Tony. Normal.

I do this. Yeah. And I sound like my mum. God rest her soul. The ads are so much louder than the show. They are though. That is the most mum thing. I know.

I've got one memory of my mother who died and this is it. If she came back to join us and had one word of wisdom to say, if she had one sentence, what would she say? Well, it's just that the ads are louder than the show. Hope you're doing well. Congratulations on the announcement that's coming in. But it is true. The ads are so much louder than the show.

Can we test? Can we test? It's a thing. No, we don't need to. I'm telling you. Google it. Oh, it's on the internet. Sorry, my mistake.

Did you listen to the dead dog story? It was on the internet. It's true. Boy, is my face red. It's on the internet. It must be true. No, but so I'm the same and I hate noise, which is weird because I fucking spout a lot of shit.

You make a fucking lot of it. Yeah, but I hate noise. Literally and figuratively. So if Torbs and I are watching Free to Air, which is pretty rare these days, but if like we'll always watch the news like while Torbs is making dinner or whatever and I'll be like playing with Pippa and he'll pop the news on. I always mute it because I just don't need to fucking hear

what the special is of Harvey Norman. I don't need to hear about fucking. Insert any other ad in here. Yeah, literally. I don't know because I fucking mute them. I don't watch it. Fair call. You know, I don't need to fucking hear about Medibank Private.

I don't need to hear like yep whatever apparently quite normal as it would turn out so but it fucks you off that then it's like what i will do though is i'll just have the remote handy that would be the sense yeah so i'll mute and then i'll talk to tobs for the 45 seconds of the ads are on 45 seconds two minutes and then i'll go oh hang on and then i just unmute. Yeah, it shouldn't be that hard. It's that simple. Yeah, well. Yep.

Yep. We can actually also say like, hey, I don't want to say it because it'll make everyone's thing go off, but hey, G-O-O-G-L-E, unmute the TV and that'll do it as well. Well, that's because you've got a smart TV. Yeah. Smart person, smart TV. Makes sense. Yeah.

You got a nice TV on the way. We haven't ordered it yet. But it's bloody nice. Sounds like it would be a really generous gift. Should we explain what the fuck you're talking about? No. So I've moved into this new house and we're trying to figure out the size of a new TV we're going to get. Apparently, like, you know, like global supply chain, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. Ordering stuff takes ages. Cowboy like, you know, like global supply chain, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Ordering stuff takes ages. Cowboy world, mate. It's fucking crazy. Yep. And so we're trying to figure out what size to get. And Tony, so my dad's there, my mate Joel. Who you'll hear about on Friday.

Yeah. We're kind of chatting and we're like, got the measuring tape out going off. We get the 55 inch, we'll get this one. I remember that girl DMed me and said that her. Oh, I actually want to throw up just hearing about this. Yep. And Tony, who's not purchasing the ticket, I think you should get the biggest one. Yep.

And then Joel, who's like an interior designer, is like, well, it won't actually fit on the wall. And Tony's like, no. Get the big one. You deserve it. I just got so sick of hearing about it. I said, get the biggest one. I'll buy it.

And that is another version of me being so lazy that it's cost me money. I can't even be fucked standing in the room with this conversation. I'll just pay for it. I was like, I'll just get the biggest one. I'll pay for it. And then we're saying, like, it's actually not about the money. It's not going to fit on the wall. And I'm like, I don't care.

I've said I'd pay. I mean, like, it's not going to. In the cold, hard light of day, do you... And I had it open on JB Hi-Fi. I was like, I'll order it now. I'll get it right now. It'll be here by 3 o'clock. And your dad's like, yeah, Tony, I reckon you should do that. And you're like, no, guys, I don't think you understand the problem.

It's not going to fit on the wall. My dad, who'd never met Tony, they're egging each other on. I'm like, oh, you guys don't have to live here with a TV hanging off the end of the wall that doesn't fit. Just pay for it. And your stepmum and I, we're going, oh, you guys don't have to live here with a TV hanging off the end of the wall that doesn't fit. Just pray for it. And your step mum and I, we're going, oh no, but we watch The Block, so actually we do know what's going on. I actually have watched The Block, so I have a degree in interior design because I've watched

a show on Channel 9. Sorry, can you tell I'm really into The Block? Yeah, you are into The Block. I saw your tweets the other night during the finale. Oh, that's a lot of money. You're keen, aren't you? Yeah. Becky Matthews. Hi, Becky. This is it's a lot of money. You're keen, aren't you? Yeah. Becky Matthews.

Hi, Becky. This is almost a flappable Tony. Drinking some of your drink before you've paid for it at the supermarket. Normal or nah? Nah. So, you know, you've got a thing of Gatorade and you're going to pay for it and you're like waiting in the line and you're like, oh, I'm a bit thirsty.

No. Why not? Fuck no. Why not? I haven't bought it yet. It's not mine. It's going to be yours. Okay, but right, what if I take a sip right and then something terrible happens. I get a phone call from Torbs, he's down at the park and he needs a hand with Pippa or he needs me to come pick him up or something right and I have to sprint out of the service station then what? I can't just like pop it down and leave. I have to then wait and pay. What if those 30 seconds are critical?

So Becky has sent this normal one, RM. And she says, I don't do it all the time, but when I do, my partner Toby like looks me up and down, and when he saw it the first time, he nearly shat himself. Toby, Tony, maybe it's me. Maybe it's you. The partner Toby says, I thought we were going to get hauled straight to jail. I can't believe you didn't, to be quite honest with you, Becky.

Becky then said, you should have. The horror on his face when I opened a pack of biscuits. So when I was a checkout chick, there would always be people that would walk through the checkout. They'd eat the chips. And they'd give you the packet. Or they'd go, can you scan these so that I can keep eating them? And I'd be like, eat at home, you wild animal.

That's just so fucking rude. You're buying food to eat it. What do you think they're doing with it? Eat it at home. That's the purpose of it. Or eat it after you've paid for it. I just find that, like, really fucking rude. You're buying food to eat it. What do you think they're doing with it? That's the purpose of it. Or eat it after you've paid for it. I just find that like really fucking weird. Maybe it's something that like if you do it as a kid, it

feels more normal or whatever. We never did that. Like my mum never gave us something out of the trolley. But yeah, we never ever did that. So I find that super weird when people do it. So when I was little, which is mum and I, and you'd go in like the whole, the big shop, all the aisles or whatever.

Yeah. And I'd be like sitting in the trolley. So I must have been, what, you don't do it? Little. Three or something. And so mum would always like get a slice of bread out of the loaf and give it to me while she was like wheeling me around so I could like eat the bread.

That's quite cute. Because it probably just like shut me up, I'm guessing. Oh, yeah, totally. Or like, oh, he's hungry. He can see all this food. Here, just have a could like eat the bread. That's quite cute. Because it probably just like shut me up, I'm guessing. Oh, yeah, totally. I'm like, oh, he's hungry. He can see all this food. Here, just have a slice of bread. Yeah. I'll finish shopping.

And we used to do that all the time. Yeah. And then I remember one time being, yeah, like super parched and just being like, oh, I'm so thirsty. Coming home from somewhere, I was just like, I just need a, yeah, the Gatorade or the water, you know, there's like a thousand different kinds of waters in a service station. And then I got it.

I'm just like pretty much scalded at the fridge and then scanned the empty bottle, pay for it, put the bottle in the bin. Shocking. Awful. So that's an R. I'm pretty sure I actually remember going through the shopping center, going through the shop slots with mum and being like, oh my God, I'm so hungry or I need a drink or whatever. And she was like, cool, go and pay for it and then you can come back

and then you can like. That's even worse because then you get back next time, you've eaten it all and then you're going through the checkout and they're like, excuse me, are you going to pay for that? And you're like, I already did. And they're like, yeah, fucking right, I don't know. You know what I did actually? Asked for a lackey band as well, put the receipt around it and then.

It's so hard being me. You don't understand how hard it is to be me. I'm the last thing back around the bread roll. So when someone just looks at you like, it's paid for. Yeah. See the receipt. It's like when I leave JB Hi-Fi, I like thrust the stuff into it. Because you know how they give you the receipt and like don't give you a bag

or whatever? Yeah. And I'm always like, see, I've got – and they're like, I don't give a fuck. I don't get paid enough to fucking check your fucking receipt. Steal it. Steal it. I actually don't care. I couldn't give a fuck.

Actually, maybe you can go and get me that big TV. I've got the receipt. All right, final. Ruby. Ruby. Ruby says, normal or nah? Taking a warm drink to bed with the idea that you'll sip on your tea while you're going to sleep and then you wake up the next day and 97% of that drink is still in the cup next to you. Normal or nah?

Unfortunately, it's a nah from me because I'm not allowed to drink in bed. I forgot about that. You can't be trusted with liquids in the room. I would love to join you as a normal on this because I'd love to have a cup of tea at bedtime. Not allowed. You would love to take a cup of tea into the room and then sit it on the bedside table and not drink it.

Yeah. The luxury. The privilege. Oh, it must be beautiful. It must be nice. Well, on behalf of everyone who's allowed to take tea or coffee or hot drinks into the bedroom, normal. Ruby.

Hey, it's Emma from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Thank you so much to a few of our champion tapas. Chloe Pace, thank you. CJ Butler, Scott H. Kaz Barrett, good on you, Kaz, thank you. Elia Everett. Don't rock the Kaz Barrett. I've always said that. What?

Don't worry about it. What did you say? Nope. Drum roll for Kaz Barrett is what you said? No. Anna Gleeson. Oh? Don't worry about it. What did you say? Nope. Drum roll for Kaz Barrett is what you said? No. Anna Gleeson. Oh, another big Glees. I wonder if Anna is related to the big Glees from the other day.

Yeah. Jared Elwood and Dan and Amber. Seems like an illegal manoeuvre is going on there and we'll catch up with them later. Dan and Amber. If you had to choose one? Amber. Yeah, I was going to say it wouldn't be Dan. No, it wouldn't be.

He wouldn't let me take tea into the bedroom either. No. I mean, he's not wrong, but because you've got form. It makes sense. Yeah. I mean, if you'd never spilled drinks in the bed. If I could be trusted. It would be like, oh, that's a bit harsh. But if you'd known the damage to the sheets that have been destroyed. Yeah. From tea or coffee. From tea or coffee. Yeah. Or toast. Or once like before Torbs inflicted the ban. Inflicted the ban? That's not right. I once dropped lasagna in the bed.

Lasagna is not a bed food. No. You're telling me. Learn that the fucking hard way. Oh, shit. All right. It's an exciting day. Because since, I'd say this time last year.

Yep, about that. Yeah, last November. Tony has put her mind to something. For the first time. For the first time. It's been incredible to witness from the outside. That's nice. Because I've seen the blood, the sweat, the tears.

Lots of tears. That's a cliche. Two of those three accurate, the sweat, the tears. Lots of tears. That's a cliche. Two of those three accurate. Yeah, just the tears. Will there be sweat? Well, I'm pretty sweaty. I'm sweaty now. So yes, yeah, it counts.

That counts. And I probably had my period at one point, so. Blood, sweat, and tears. And over 12 months, what have you done, Toni? I wrote a fucking book. You wrote a fucking book. Get around it. The whole thing.

The whole thing. Start to finish. The whole thing. Tea Lodge, my whole way through. The book is called? I Don't Need Therapy and Other Lies I've Told Myself. Yep. So I don't need therapy, obviously, I'll joke.

But this just feels so weird. So for a whole year I haven't been able to talk about this or we chose to keep it a secret. Hey, maybe just finish writing the thing before you start gassing yourself up. Let's not overcommit. I've done this thing, have you? Oh, I will. Yeah, let's not count our chickens before they hatch.

I didn't realise how much – and this is from someone who didn't do it – how much work it would be. It was a lot of work. Writes, rewrites, editors. Who's the publisher? It's one of the biggest publishers in the world. Alan and Unwin. Yeah, so this is the real deal.

I hope so. Yeah. Well, they told us that it was. Yeah, they told us that it was. No, it is the real deal. And they said, Tony, we love you. You've got some beautiful stories to tell you. We want to be a part of this.

So, like, it's legit. It's the real deal. You can check out the cover, which will be somewhere. Maybe to the Facebook group starters. So to kind of talk everyone through the process, it's been like a bit of a weird one. But basically today, Thursday, the 10th of November, you can officially preorder the book.

It's ready to be preordered. So if you order it now, it will come to you as soon as it's available on the 28th of February. Yeah. So it's like basically pre-orders are really, really important for authors. That's how they decide how many books they're actually going to pre-order.

Hang on, what was that word you said with an A? Pre-orders are really important for an author. What was that word? I don't think I've said that out loud. Are you an author? I'm just reading the spiel that they told me. Tony Lodge. Update the fucking Instagram bio.

Muscles, author, bread. What else do you do? Audio queen. Captain. Captain. Fuck, you're busy, mate. Yeah, mate, I've got a lot on. I've got to go.

Author, but like you're saying, the pre-orders determine how much they print. Yeah, so to figure out how many to actually print to make sure that people don't miss out if they'd love a copy. But it's available right now to pre-order. And you know what's really good is that when you buy something and then it takes ages to come and when it comes, it's like a free gift because you've already paid for it.

That is true. You know what I mean? It's a free gift. Like if you pre-ordered it now in november by the time the end of february rolls around you go oh what's this fucking parcel that i've got to be home for today that's fucking tony's book oh i bought this ages ago it's basically free i don't need therapy and other lies i've told myself oh my god thank it's here so what's the book about so it is a book of essays and every chapter is like a different essay about based on a lie um so obviously the title i don't need therapy there's a few chapters about that and how about authors don't sneeze you're okay that was awfully embarrassing um Sorry about that, everyone.

Yeah, so every- It's a bit cold in here. Must need to orthor out. Okay. That was awful. So every single chapter is based on a different lie. So I don't need therapy, obviously a lie. And then there's other lies in there like I'm okay or I would never steal butter from the staff room fridge,

things like that. I never dated Robert Pattinson. That isn't a lie. That's true. Well, you weren't lying at the time. Yeah, I didn't know it was a lie. Someone was lying to you, but you weren't doing the lying. But, yeah, and it's very surreal.

So I haven't held a book or anything. Like I don't even have it. It doesn't – like it exists and I've seen a big stack of papers. Wow, so have I. The manuscript is huge and thick and dense. It is great value for money. There's a lot of it. There is a lot of it.

But, yeah, so it's really exciting. And there's actually probably only four people in the world that have read the whole thing, including me. Yep. Who are they? One of them is you. It is. Get around him.

So Ryan didn't know he was signing up for this, but I put his name forward, sent him the thing, and was like, oh, it turns out you have to read this, so sorry. So we were talking about, because you send them out to people for an endorsement. So you know, like those little comments on the cover that's like, oh, it's a great read. Get around it. And you try and get famous people. Well, I couldn't.

So Ryan did mine. So we're talking about the people that Tony should reach out to for ages. Yeah. Because it was like a big thing. Yeah. And you need to ask like 12 people because probably only four of them will do it yeah you know what i mean so you kind of have to like really figure out who you'd want so you and i discussed this for ages oh that'd be great she's awesome and then the other day we're grabbing a coffee and you go

oh so your copy's coming i'll get you to do it as well yeah tony you know I like. We don't actually ham this up. I'm actually not good at reading. And so like you going, oh, I did you a favour. I've got the book for you is the same as me going, hey, Tony, I've done you a favour. I've signed you up for a marathon this afternoon. Okay. They're not the same.

They are the fucking same. The thing with reading is I can actually read okay, but I'll get to the end of the page and I've read it, in inverted commas, but I can't remember a single thing that's happened. All my studying, I'm like, I'm doing dot points. I'm writing notes. I just need like, give me the fucking core of it. So when you give me 60,000 words.

Yeah, it's about that. Probably a little bit more than that, but yeah, about that. Thanks, mate. Yeah. I will say I did, mate. Yeah. I will say I did read it. Yes. And I remembered what happened.

And, you know, even for someone that's not into reading, would you suggest that it's like a good book even for someone that's not super into reading? Why are you winking and urging me on and doing that rubbing my hand's money signal? You're getting paid for this. It was fascinating. It was great paid for this. It was fascinating. It was great. Did you think it was fascinating?

Wow. There's nothing groundbreaking in there. No, there is though. There is. And I've got a few endorsements to trial, like to test run with you, if you will. I haven't heard these. No.

Fuck. Because when I say it's fascinating, one of them, so this is a potential to be on the front cover in the corner. Yep. Oh, so much about Tony actually makes sense now. Because it is about your childhood and about your mum and growing up and, you know, becoming the lady that you are. And then there's stories about now as well.

Like it's a big, it's a range. I didn't realise it would be like a, and I don't know if it was written this way, it really like sums up growing up in Australia. Like a lot of great pastimes and. Swimming lessons and stuff. Yeah. Going to the show, holidays.

And for people who grew up in Australia, you'll read it and be like, oh, we used to do that as well. It's a great walk down memory lane. And for people not in Australia, it's a great insight to like how our generation like grew up. Oh, I really appreciate that. Yeah. But then you hear some fuck stories and you go, well,

that explains why she's so fucked now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it definitely does. Yeah. And obviously what – it's a weird thing to put a number on maybe. The different – like how would you split when you say like what's funny, what's nostalgic, what's – you know, there's quite a sad chapter about – a few sad chapters about your mum and, you know, her final –

it's actually great about your mum because you get to, I feel like I know her really well now. And then obviously, you know, her last chapter is quite sad. But you wouldn't say it's a sad book though, would you? I definitely don't think it's a sad book. I guess trigger warning if you've lost a parent, like I talk about that quite a lot. I'd say probably like 60% funny, 40% sad.

If you had to like split it down the middle. But I don't – it's not a sad book. No. Because it's a book of – it's not like an autobiography where I go like 1993, a hot day. I think that's the specific sentence is in the book. And Tony Louise Lodge is born. You know, like it's not like that.

No. It's like random, like spliced up all together, filled with like advice and funny things that I've read. Some of the advice is great. The book just stops down and goes, Hey, here's some advice. I like those parts because they were in dot points. Like here's 10 things. I was like, Oh, I can, I can cop this. Yeah. Um, all right. So that's the first option. Yeah. Is that it's too much about me and not enough about you. There's quite a bit about you in there. There is a bit about me in there.

I did text you after I finished reading and said, too much Tony, not enough Ryan. Yeah, you did. That was my initial one. Did you like the, you know, the little bit at the end about you? Did you like that? I don't recall that bit. Oh, no, the only bit I remember about that is that I counted

and Torb's got 27 more words in his thanks than I did. Okay. All right. Good note. Thank you. Good note. I think that got his thanks than I did. Okay. All right. Good note. Thank you. Good note. I think that got fixed up in the edit. Okay.

The next one, as I was just mentioning, I love this book so much I actually read it and actually remembered what happened. Ryan John. I like that one. Really? Yeah. I feel like it's more about me being a dickhead

and less about the book being great. Or is that the ultimate endorsement? I mean, people are going to go, Ryan, John, who the fuck's that? And then put it back down anyway. Some guy I've never heard of reckoned some bitch I've never heard of. It's great. I'm happy for them. There are some frustrating parts in it because.

Frustrating? It's supposed to be a lovely, enjoyable read. Oh, no, but like when you find yourself in a sticky situation, I'm like, God damn it, Tony, why don't you just, you know, like. Yeah. Yeah. And so I've read, I've screamed her name crying. I've screamed her name laughing.

I've screamed her name in frustration. I've screamed her name in love. And after I finished railing her in a caravan, I read her book as well. That's the one. Yes, print it. Surely. Can we put that on the front of a book? Fuck, that is so funny.

That is really funny. As much as I joke, I did actually cry for Tony. You did not cry. I did laugh for Tony. I did get frustrated for Tony. You did not cry. I did laugh for Tony. I did get frustrated with Tony and I did love Tony. I did go through all of those emotions reading that. That's really lovely. Thank you.

Now, here's one. I think this is the one. It's too wordy, but I just want you to judge the sentiment. Oh, okay. And we could edit down the. Yeah, because it's wordy. Because you can't write. I probably could have done a second take and maybe cleaned it up,

but this is where we got to. It's like spending an afternoon with your funniest fuck friend reminiscing about all the weird and wonderful things us Aussies did as kids. Tony's book will make you howl with laughter, cry in despair, and take us back to everything that was great about growing up in Australia. Oh my God, goosebumps. Is that good? That's so nice. I feel like I've said growing up in Australia like three times in 10 words.

And maybe we can make it a little bit more about me. Do you know what I mean? But yes, love it. Let's edit that. But am I on the right track? I think so. Okay. We'll go around the block one more time, but apart from that, I think it's great. Okay. Final one here. Oh, God.

You're really making this podcast that's supposed to be about me writing a book about you. I'm trying to pump you up. You're taking your fucking sweet ass time. It's sad that Tony's mum wasn't here to read this. Although if she was, the book would be pretty empty, which would be awkward. That is hilarious.

Hey, mum, I've written a book. Oh, what's in it? Not much. Yeah, fuck you for still being alive. Robbing me of content. Yeah, I've had no experiences now. Just search some options for you and the team and Alan and Erwin. What are their names?

Alan and Erwin. Alan and Erwin. I'm not good at spelling already. Just some great options for them. Yeah. How does it feel after putting a year in and then getting sent that fucking phone book of a manuscript and being like, I have finished this thing. Very surreal.

It definitely didn't feel like, because I've read it now so many times, it doesn't feel like a big deal. And because I'm so used to the idea of it now, it's been a whole fucking year. So even announcing this, I'm just like, are we sure that we're doing this? Like, is this a real thing? It's a real thing. But it is a real book.

Well, it's too late now. Yeah, it's too late now. And it is available literally right now for pre-order. So I hate banging on about it, but it is very important so they know how many to print. I don't want anyone to miss out. So you're saying if today's a quiet day, the printers might have a quiet month and so on and so forth. Yeah. And then maybe the year that I spent writing it might be a fucking waste of time and I could have learned a language. I think, well, you say that a lot of times. In a year, I spent writing it might be a fucking waste of time and I could have learned a language.

No, I think, well, you say that a lot of times. In a year I probably could have. The amount of times you've threatened to use Duolingo. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good. Didn't you say it's been, I know this is like such a fucking cliche. No, it isn't. Therapeutic to write it out and like even if no one read it,

you like feel better for having like yeah put your story on paper and like yeah you know revisited some moments thought through some things definitely super cathartic like you that's the word yeah you said therapeutic but that's okay um and i got my nails done yeah that was therapeutic um i don't need therapeutic can you stop rubbing my back i'm trying type. I'm actually trying to do something. Yeah, it was. And I think as well it's one of those things where you go, oh, I'd love to do that, but having the deadline made me actually do it.

Like having the deadline for you to get your marriage celebrant license before we go to the US. That's something that will force you to do that, won't it? Well, now that the book is finished, I actually will have time to do that. Oh, righto, yeah, yeah. Because I've been writing a fucking book. Yep. Oh, fine, make this all about you and your book.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, so sorry. But it is literally available right now, this second, for pre-order. If you're in Australia or New Zealand, you can pre-order right now on Booktopia. There's a link in our show notes. And if you're overseas, you can pre-order at Book Depository right. There's a link in our show notes. And if you're overseas, you can pre-order at Book Depository right now, also a link in our show notes. I'm pretty sure that Book Depository for people overseas, it's like free shipping and stuff.

Oh, great. But Booktopia for Australian and New Zealanders, there'll be signed copies. And it's like first in best dressed. Now, is it signed by me or by you? It's probably going to be signed by me, but you can come and do a few. No, it's fine. Okay. But all the links No, it's fine. Okay. But all the links are in the show notes.

We'll put a post in the Facebook group today. And later today there will be an actual cover reveal on my Instagram. I'll post what the cover will look like. No quote yet because we haven't finalised your quote. Well, I think we just have, though. Yeah. After I finished railing her in a caravan, I read the book, which was great.

When I took this screenshot out of the email that they sent me, we didn't have your quote yet. When Tony says it hasn't been printed yet. It literally hasn't. Like I've only just approved the cover pretty much. So it has been a really, really exciting time. Very, very cool. I'm super pumped for everyone to read it. It feels like so far away, but they have to literally print it.

Enjoy reading it in 2028? No, February 28th. Are the printers printing or handwriting them down? I have to write them all. They're like, I don't care if it's signed, you handwritten the whole thing. They've sold 5,000 copies. Well, here's a biro.

Fucking get going, sweetheart. Will there be an audio book? There will be an audio book. Yeah, I will be reading it as well. It's me. Now, are you allowed to read it with like emphasis and tone? I will be. Because apparently like that can be funny.

Like, no, you just have to read it straight. I won't be reading it like that. I've heard. If there's a bit where I go, and then Ryan said this, and I went, fuck off, Ryan. Yeah. That's how I'll be reading it. What are they going to do?

It's my fucking book. I 100%. Do you know what I mean? I 100%, and I've had this same conversation with some other people, and they've been told in no uncertain terms. Were they the author? Oh, I'll just say who. I used to do a radio show with Tanya Hennessy.

Oh, and was she not allowed when she read her audio book? Because her book is funny. Yeah. And so she wanted to, like, give it gusto and tell this funny story. And they're like, no, audio books are just to be, like, read. Oh. Well, they haven't told me that. I haven't recorded it yet.

Yeah, it's in a few weeks, right? I think it's going to be the week commencing the 12th of December. Great. So we finish work for the year and then the following week I'm supposed to be on holidays. Spoilers. Get ready. Yeah, so I haven't recorded it yet, but that's an interesting point.

I'll have to ask them. Yeah, because, hey, I get it. Yeah. Tanya got it. Wow. Well, Tanya and I are with the same publisher. Oh, we'll fucking go back having that chat. Oh, my God.

God, fucking read the fine print. You know what I'm saying? But there will be an audiobook. I think it will be also available as an e-book and all of, you know. All the places books go. Yeah, they're going to figure all that stuff out. But if you're in Australia or New Zealand, you are able to pre-order a signed copy, first year and best dress.

I don't know how many there will be. I guess it depends on demand. But I think I'm just going to go on and buy one so that we sell at least one. So you're on the scoreboard. Yeah. I'll buy one. Oh, you don't have to. I'm not reading it again, though.

Yeah, that's fair. Like in a whole go. No, you don't have to read it again. Congratulations, though. Thank you so much. It seems so cliche, but I've seen all the work and all the, oh, when I get home after this long day, I've got to sit down for two hours and do this, this and this.

It's a huge, now that you've done it, would you do it again? They are already like, oh, cool. So the next book I'm like, whoa, they're horsey. Yeah. No way. Because while I was reading it, writing this, you might not remember, but I actually finished it in July. Like the first round of the writing I finished in July,

I had a full-time job the whole time. So I was working full-time like nine to five at Mindset Health. And then we were doing this on the weekends and at nighttime and I was writing a book as well. So I can't even. I don't know how I did it. Yeah. But I'm so excited for everyone to see it and I hope people are excited to hear about it as well because I'm really proud of it. They will be and you should be.

It is fantastic. Thank you. And it gives a shout out to a lot of tapas in there as well. Yeah, it does. Let's finish with your love to say. Are you going to do a cop out and say your love to say it is this? No. I'll allow this once.

No, I do have a nice you'll love to see it. Okay. I got this suggested post on Facebook, and it is like a white picket fence with heaps of jars of flowers across the front. And the post says, I suck at making flower arrangements, but I wanted to give them away before the frost hits.

So this person, Cheng, has obviously got lots of lovely flowers in their garden, and they turned them all into bundles that everybody could take home because all the flowers were going to die before the bad weather was coming. Of course. So they're just like free bunches of flowers in jars that as people were walking along, they could take one and put it in their house and enjoy it rather than them all dying. And you love a flower in their house. I love fresh flowers.

My goal in life is that a fucking fresh bunch of flowers arrives at my door every single week and I change them out for the new ones. I love having fresh flowers in the house. I don't know if you saw when you came to my house last week. There's a, at the end of our street, the new street, there's like a little stand and it's like, oh, take a pot plant. Oh, I didn't know if you saw when you came to my house last week. There's a, at the end of our street, the new street, there's like a little stand and it's like, oh, take a pot plant. Oh, I didn't see that. Yeah, I think, I don't know if someone was moving or they're like redoing their garden.

And they just take the cuttings or whatever. And it's like, yeah, people are just like picking up stuff and doing things. That's cute. It is cute. But yeah, I thought that was really nice. And then it has an edit because the post went viral. V-v-v-viral. It has 321,000 likes.

We don't have that many pots. No. And it says, edit, thank you so much for the kind comments you all made my day. Because Cheng was just trying to do something nice. Thanks for the kind comments you've made my day. Please stop coming to my house. Yeah. We are out.

We're done. We're sold out. People are knocking on the door all the time. I thought that was so nice. You remember Angela Lansbury? Yeah. who unfortunately passed away a few weeks ago? Yeah. So a show that me and my nana used to watch was Murder, She Wrote. That was a classic watch with your nana show.

Yeah, definitely. And it's so quirky and she's incredible. So it was a few weeks ago that she passed away. And you know how when people pass away, people they used to work with, those stories start to come out. Totally. And you kind of hear these things that, oh, I never knew that about her. Yeah.

So I don't know what the date was back in the 50s or 60s, but let's just say from 1960, any actor or actresses who were like part of the acting guild in Hollywood, part of being part of the guild was like got insurance or health insurance for their family. Because you know in America health insurance is tied to your employer and it's really expensive and blah, blah. And so it kind of came in from January 1, whatever. And so people who retired the year before or whatever,

they didn't qualify because they're like, from now on, whoever's working gets it. And it's pretty hard to go, oh, and anyone who's ever worked ever gets the thing. Well, you have to draw a line somewhere. You've got to draw a line somewhere. Working gets it. And from now on, and it's pretty hard to go, oh, and anyone who's ever worked ever gets the thing. Well, you have to draw a line somewhere. You've got to draw a line somewhere. So Angela Lansbury got a lot of these, like, actors and actresses

who sort of aged out of, you know, they can't play the young person anymore. They've got older. They're semi-retired. And said, hey, come and do a cameo in an episode of Murder, She Wrote. Just because then you have officially worked after the cutoff and then you qualify so you and your family can get the insurance and the benefits and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so there was all these random people and everyone's like,

oh, how quirky, like some cameo. And you love a high-profile cameo. Like when you're watching a show, you go, oh, that's them. So this gets posted and a girl on Reddit goes, holy cow, that explains the episode I saw recently. Her character was stuck in a women's prison, classic murder she rode, and there was like this murder riot with all these inmates. So there's a huge riot and she's like, I was watching the riot

and all these random extras. I'm like, that's the person from that movie. That's the person from that thing. But they're not just extras from the street. They're like legit actors. Yeah. Because they're getting on this thing. Because she goes, no, you guys have worked hard for 20 years

and you're not getting health insurance? Fucking not on my watch. Come and be a part of a riot and bash the shit out of each other for 20 minutes. We'll do a few cuts. And make sure you sign off on the end of the day. How nice. That's the fucking nicest thing you've ever heard.

That is really lovely. And what a nice advocate for people to get what they deserve. Yeah, like you said, after working for 20 years, you get fuck all. Yeah, and especially, like, Angela Lansbury is probably the, back in the day especially, like, when women got a bit older, you know how every woman has to look fucking 22 and thin and fucking whatever? Oh, you've had kids?

Well, you can't be a fucking actress anymore. Yeah. So there's a lot of people who were like too old to act at 33 because they weren't those like, you know, real awesome older lady roles anymore. And so now they're all like, yeah, whatever, bro. Insurance covered. We're a part of the guild. That's amazing.

You love to fucking see that. You do love to see that. And also I wrote a book. Oh, I actually think Angela Lansbury is the hero of today's show. Okay, cool. All right, well, thanks so much for listening. But second is the girl with the jars. Great.

Well, Cheng with the jars actually has written a book and you can find the links in the show notes. It comes for free when you buy Tony's book. Congratulations, Tony. Go check out the episode thread. We'll have links and pictures and stuff there as well. And check out Tony's gram. My gram.

So you can see the pic. It's a great cover. Yeah, it'll be probably this afternoon or something. You look good. Thank you. You look good. That's really nice. Real good.

Stop it. All right. Well, we've got to go. See you tomorrow for the video show. We've got stuff to do. The video show. Yes. Love right. Well, we've got to go. See you tomorrow for the video show. We've got stuff to do. The video show. Yes. Love you.

Bye.