Toni and Ryan - Toni Lodge - Public Nuisance

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Ryan and I both owe the public AN APOLOGY. Love you! Toni xx [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For a limited time, switch to Shopify Point of Sale, and you could save up to 20% and improve your bottom line. We're so serious about savings, we've made this ad 20% shorter. That means you get 6 seconds back. Just enough time to visit shopify.com slash POS20. Now that's an efficient ad. Eligibility requirements apply. See shopify.com slash POS20 for Jessica. And it comes up as a private number. I wouldn't answer that. Hi, Jess? Hi.

Hi, it's Tony and Ryan. Hello. Holy fuck. Oh, my God. Hi, guys. Hi. Will you approve this episode? Fuck yeah, I will.

I love your music episode. Hey, it's Jess from Sydney and I approve this podcast. Coming up in today's vodcast episode, a formal apology. To me? From Tony. Actually, I don't know if you're going to apologise for what you did. I'm going to apologise for what I did. But we both, in separate incidents, have caused a ruckus unknowingly of each other.

We need to apologise to the Victoria Garden Shopping Centre. Yes. A beautiful shopping centre. A beautiful shopping centre. I've got a J.B. Hi-Fi. What else do you need? Besides the Ikea, obviously, and the Woolworths. It's a Coles. It's a Col J.B. Hi-Fi. What else do you need? Besides the Ikea, obviously, and the Woolworths. It's a Coles. It's a Coles.

Wow. That's the worst thing you could say. More apologies to the staff, the retail workers, the commuters. The other patrons. Yeah. That's coming up soon. But first, fuck, this is actually not a great episode for you, is it? No, it's really not.

Fuck, this is actually not a great episode for you, is it? No, it's really not. Is there someone in your life who always just assumes the worst case scenario? That person that when they get a whiff of something not being perfect, shut it down! It could all go wrong. I heard a story about this one thing one time and this thing didn't quite go right and the whole thing just we can't do any of it because that person in my life is tony felicia lodge i don't think that i'm that bad but then when everything is put in front of me i do think maybe i do when

someone presents the case yeah i i do maybe get a little bit gullible. I take people at their word. If I'm trusting and if that's a crime, lock me up. Well, let's see what the jury has to say. Okay. Let me remind you of one. I don't know if you remember. This is a while ago, but it like sticks out for me. Okay.

I have this silly little dream. And I reckon 100 million people have this same dream. Yeah. That one day for a year or something. Yeah. I'd love to live in New York this same dream. Yeah. That one day for a year or something. Yeah. I'd love to live in New York City. Yeah. Yeah.

And it looks fun. The food, the basketball, the theater, Wall Street. There's a lot going on there. A lot of fun to be had. And it came up in conversation, just New York City, when we were starting the pod and I went, oh, I'd love to live there one day. Yeah. Throw away comment. Yeah. The next day, you and I were starting the pod and I went, oh, I'd love to live there one day. Yeah. Throw away comment.

Yeah. The next day, you and I were recording the podcast and you looked a bit sheepish and disheveled and a bit like scattered. And I was like, I sort of like at the, hey, mate. All good. Are you all good? And you went, yeah, well, since you're moving to New York, you're obviously going to quit the podcast.

So I had to like check out my resume and think about what I'm going to do. And I went and looked on some jobs in LinkedIn and it's really stressful. And I just, I don't know why, what I did to make you want to move a hundred kilometers away from me, but a hundred kilometers, a hundred, 10,000 kilometers, the other side of the world. But I just, I can't believe you're leaving. And I just, I don't know what I'm going to do now.

And this is what I reckon I said the day before. Oh. Oh, I'd love to live there one day. Yeah, anyway, what's for lunch? Does this sound familiar? I'm sorry for taking your dreams seriously. Are you? Sorry.

Sorry if me being a great friend and trying to make your dreams come true is bad. Sorry. If that's what you want, you want me to fucking apologise? Are you saying you're pro-dream? I'm pro-dream. Our friends have a dream, mutual friends, about building their own house. And you came in the other day dishevelled.

You hadn't slept much that night, had you? Sorry for being worried about my friend's wellbeing. They said they've bought a house off the plan. It's still being built. Yep. And you said, yeah, well, one time I heard this story about one person that built a house and the construction didn't go well and it was delayed heaps and now they're doing it and it's like they're throwing their money away.

What are they doing? I'm so sad. My friends are going to be homeless. No, I'm worried. I don't want someone to lose a deposit. But the thing is, is that a friend of mine is a real estate agent and they said I wouldn't do that. And I was like, oh, yeah, well, I saw this thing online once.

I just think I take the safest route possible. I think the line I saw this online once is A, always like a bad way to start a sentence and B, something that you will take to heart. I internalise, yeah. And that's the thing. I just take things at their face value. And, you know, maybe I should do more research. Maybe, whatever.

But if I read it and I go, oh, that sounds bad, it just kind of tucks away into the back of my head. And then when someone goes, oh, we're thinking you're doing this thing, I'm like, oh, no, that's setting off alarm bells for me because I read something about that once. How are you when Torbz has a flight? Fine. Is it true that you were on the phone to a legal service trying to organise a will two days before a flight? Because you know that planes crash and people will die.

That's what flights are. They're death traps. Is this true or false? That is true. That is true. Torbs is my family. He is. You love him. I love him. We all love him. And I just, I don't know what I would do without him. He is. You love him.

I love him. We all love him. And I just don't know what I would do without him. He's got a meeting in Brisbane. Fucking call the lawyers. I just realised that we've done... I've watched the aircraft investigation. Well, I realised that...

I've seen what happens. We're not married. Torbs and I aren't married. So we don't have any, like, legal rights to each other's, like, shit. So I was like, we've got to organise a will now. We didn't do it, like, legal rights to each other's, like, shit. So I was like, we've got to organise a will now. We didn't do it, by the way, because I fucking hate admin. You were more concerned about not getting half his stuff than dying?

No. Well, I don't want it to go fucking to whoever it goes to. Yeah, some charity. No, it doesn't go to charity. It goes to his actual family. That's a shit thing, doesn't it? How fucking actual family. That's a shit thing to say. How fucking dare you? That's a fucking thing to say. How very dare you?

Surely you'd be, I mean, that's not a legal podcast, but surely if you've been living together, you'd have a case. I actually don't know what the thing is. Anyway, Torbs comes home and goes, I have to fly to Brisbane, and Tony goes, call the lawyer, we need a will. Sorry for trying to be prepared. No, I'm apparently the worst person ever for wanting to keep my friends safe and wanting to keep your dreams alive and wanting to keep my boyfriend

on the world, alive also. On the world. Are you just saying you're just too caring? I'm such a good person. You are. Are you saying there's been no examples in your life maybe over the last weekend? Okay.

So on the weekend, Torbs and I went and had dinner with my friend Jane. So Jane, you'll all remember, it was her family who we went to spend Christmas with. Yeah, and you became a totally new person when you hung out with her family. Yes. Yeah, and you became a totally new person when you hung out with her family. Yes. So Jane, she just moved house.

And another guy, Sam, that we used to work with at Jason PJ, he came over for dinner. We had like a lovely roast and just kind of sitting around and fucking shooting the shit in the room, you know, that old like, oh, remember when we worked together and this thing happened? Back in the day. You worked together seven months ago. Oh, back in the old days. Oh, I remember that.

Anyway, and so we're all having a great time. And Torbs and I jump in the car and I'm driving home. And this car is, like, coming towards us. And they had their high beams on. Oh, yeah. And they were really, really bright. Like, I couldn't see. So I, like, slowed right down and, like, kind of shielded my eyes to try and see.

Still driving though. I slowed right down. No, so my eyes were like, you know how the flare of the lights are like in front of you, not like covering your eyes like this. And they were kind of slow, like they were coming towards me. I slowed down and it was

like a back street so there was no other lights or anything. And Torbz goes, oh, why don't you just like flash your high you know how sometimes you like don't realize you've left them on yeah it's just like a pip pip kind of thing not a beep but like a pip it's a little nudge just a little pip pip hey mate just letting you know you still don't have your lights on yeah did you know that your high beam's on because like I can't see oh my god I could die very common practice yeah and Torbz goes oh why don't you just flash him? Yeah. And I was like, well, I read this thing online once. And he goes,

oh, this isn't the gang violence thing, is it? I can hear the tone in his voice through you that he's gone, oh, this is going to fucking set her right off. I've heard this speech 17 times before back in the lounge room. Was it?

I read this thing online about 10 years ago. When you didn't even live in Melbourne? Yeah, no, no, no, no. This was like an Australia-wide thing. Oh. Yeah, a big deal. You're going national. And that...

I'm so embarrassed. I'm, like, so embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for you. That it was, like, a gang initiation, like, conspiracy, I guess. Yeah. But it was, like, a gang initiation task that, like, you drove around with your lights on high beam or your lights off, and the first person to flash you, you would follow them and, like, carjack them and kill them. Or, like, bash them up.

And that was the way to prove how tough you were. Yeah, so that was, like, your initiation into a gang. And so I haven't flashed anybody in the car for, like, ten years. Yep. Ten years. Yes. So the other night, you're coming out of Jane's place. Yep. Ten years. Yes. So the other night, you're coming out of Jane's place. Yep.

This car is high-beaming the shit out of you. I can't see. You can't see. You can't drive. I have to slow down. It's a danger. It's a hazard. And you went, nah, I'll cop that.

I don't want to be murdered as a part of a gang affiliation thing that I heard about when I lived in Perth in 2013. Yep. Which holds up. I read this thing. So what did you do? Well, I just like slowed down, let them pass, because it was like a back, so there was no one behind me or anything.

I just slowed down, I let them pass, and I just kept driving. And when they drove past, did you like? No, because it was a fucking gang. I didn't give them an eyeball. It could have been a gang. But did you want to see if it was a gang or if it's like an old nana driving past? You know, and you're like, oh, who's this fucking asshole? Then you're like, oh, it's an old lady.

No, I just kept driving. I'm not an aggressive driver like you, mate. But yeah, I was like, I'll just be patient. I'll just like fucking cop that until it goes past. Until I was like, what are you doing? Okay, I've got another issue with this story. Okay. And I'm actually on your side with this.

Thank you. How old's Torbs, your boyfriend? 33. If you're... And why wasn't he driving? Because he can't drive. He doesn't have his licence. Doesn't have a licence.

No. So you're telling me a 33-year-old man without a licence is telling you how to drive? Not on my fucking watch. Not today, not ever. Poor Torbs. If you're the only one who can drive, then whatever you decide you're going to do or not do is what it is.

So is this really like a hard situation for you, Ryan? I'm torn between these two things. Yeah, you're Natalie Imbruglia between me being a fuckhead and Torbs being a fuckhead? Well, the thing about this is... The tale of two fuckheads. Well, and here's my conclusion, I think. You can both be fuckheads in this story.

Mother of us win. Hey, this is Jess from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. Hey, this is Jess from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A bit of a shout out to a few of our champion tapas. That is Tony and Ryan podcast listeners over at our Patreon. You can join our Patreon at any time. All of the info is in our show notes. There is also links to our Instagram and TikTok and everything, but also a link to join our Facebook group.

So if you're not part of that, make sure you jump on in. It's fucking great. And it's where we get heaps of great stories from. But a few champion Tappers that I would love to give a special little shout out to. Joshua Forgia, Jade Tate, Kate Gillespie, Rihanna Jodry, Kylie Harris, Liz Gallagher, Sammy, Nat Rose, Daniel Osnorge, Tiana Kloon and Jacob. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon.

We'll have to see it. Also, we'll have to figure out exactly when, but in the next week or so, there'll be a live stream for the champion. Yes. And we decided for September because it's football finals. Oh my God. Excuse me. You okay, mate?

I just needed some water, I think. I've actually read online that if you're dehydrated, you could die on the spot. So have another sip. Okay. I'll just have a bit. Just for me. Yeah.

The live stream, because it's football finals in Australia, I think we're going to do, I don't know if this term is a bit shit, but like dude food. Do you like that term? I don't want to call it that. Yeah, nah. Just like footy food. Footy food.

So we're going to be doing wings and dogs and. Little cock doggies. You know those cock doggies? Is know those cock doggies? Is that what it's called though? Little Cocktail Frankfurt. A little, I don't think cock doggie is. Yeah, Cocktail Frankfurt. A chipolata?

No, because that's a sausage. What are you? No, no, no. So that's like an actual like fresh sausage. Yeah. But like those hot dogs, those mini hot dogs. Cock doggie. Cocktail Frankfurt.

Cock doggie. Can someone, is anyonegy. Cocktail Frankfurt. Cock doggy. Can someone, is anyone else watching listening? I worked in a deli. They're called a cock doggy. I've just never heard it. Can someone else let me know if they've heard that before? I worked in a deli. I'm from WA as well, so there might be cultural differences.

Yeah, cultural differences. I feel like everyone says and everyone believes that they don't like to cause a scene. No one thinks they're a scene causer, but we all know that some people, drama just follows them everywhere. And while they say they don't love a scene, there must be something in there somewhere that actually loves a fucking scene and loves the drama. We all know one of those people.

And if you don't have a friend that is like the drama, you're the drama. You're the drama. You're the one that's causing a fuss on a night out. You're the one that's saying, actually, I asked for the peanut sauce on the side. Someone making it difficult for everyone else. Do you think, though, I have a question. Do you think that, this is me in advance trying to stick up for myself. Foreshadowing.

Thank you. Is a good drama better than a bad drama, though? I think no drama is better than drama. I agree, actually. I'm not a scene causer. Hand on heart. Which side's your heart? Left.

Is it left? Tony and I are not scene causers. But independently of each other, without knowledge of the other one, we both caused a scene at Victoria Garden Shopping Centre last weekend. Not only did we both cause a scene, the same place, different times of the day. I'm so sorry. I know what Tony did and not only am I sorry for what she did, but I'm sorry to everyone else who was there that had to witness it

because it's fucking not acceptable. And we'll get to that in a sec. But are you embarrassed? I'm sorry. And I let a moment get away from me. Yep. And I would like to formally apologise to the people working at the place that this happened.

Yep. And the other people that were in the shop. And had to deal with you? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Okay. I was.

You go first. You go first. I was extremely tired on the weekend. Ugh. And I'm actually going to share some stories next week because people shared some like, I was so tired I once finished this sentence. Yep. But this is my one.

Okay. So you're tired. It's the end of the week. Your cup's empty. Yeah. You just, had you just literally bought the house? Yeah. So you're kind of a bit overcome with emotion and stuff.

Yeah. I just, it was like, I'm not there. I was there, but I wasn't there. And you're just kind of a bit distracted, a bit floopy. Yeah. So at my old workplace, the radio station, where I used to work and we used to sneak in on the weekends to do this podcast.

We'll record our podcast. Was so good because we used to not have to pay to call people to approve the podcast. Yeah. Now we have to pay. Now international shipping is getting out there. So we'd drive up to the Boomgate and in my wallet. Oh, like where you put the ticket in.

Yeah. And so, well, at work I had the pass in my wallet, so I would just hit the thing and then the boom gate would go up and we'd drive into the workplace. Yes. So that's how I used to get into my old workplace. So when I was tired on the weekend, I'd drive into Victoria Garden Shopping Centre and there's boom gates. Yeah.

But what do you do at Vic Gardens when you drive up to the boom gates? You push the green button and a ticket pops out. Yep. So then when you finish shopping, you put your ticket back in and if you stayed for longer than an hour, you have to pay like a dollar or something. Yeah. That's how it works. Yeah.

So I drive up to Vic Gardens. Is my wallet here somewhere on the table? No. No. Let's pretend it's my phone. Okay. So I drive up to Vic Gardens and with my wallet, just try to like start beeping it on the thing

because that's like, it's like muscle memory from my old workplace. Yeah. And because you don't drive a lot. This is your wife's car. My wife's car, I don't drive much. So you're just like on autopilot. Yeah. And so I drive up, window goes down, just waiting for the beep.

Yeah. And of course. It doesn't beep. It doesn't beep. It doesn't go up. And also you don't work there anymore, so it wouldn't even work at the boom gate at your old workplace. Yeah.

There's probably not even a pass in your actual wallet. Like not only was it not going to work there. Show us your pass. Oh, no, that's my bank card. Yeah, oh, so this is a Video Easy card. It's my train ticket that's got minus $4 on it that I gave to my mum that one time she gave back. And I'm like, why isn't it working?

And the person's pulled up behind me and going, is that fucking idiot? How hard is it? You know? You push a button, you take a ticket. But you can see I'm like hitting with a wallet. Oh, my God. This is so fucking embarrassing. This is way worse than what I did.

He's tooting me. Yeah. Like, not a like, but just like a. Hey, mate. Yeah. And I'm like, it's not working. Yeah. There is nothing like the pressure that begins to build when you're.

So how many cars can you fit in there before it spills back onto the road? That main. Like only three. Yeah. So the guy behind me comes in and this is like saturday night at like five five thirty so there's a lot of like pre-dinner snacks go get some beers for the night like or like fuck we haven't got anything for dinner let's go get a hot chook kind of vibe yeah guy behind me is tooting the guy behind him someone behind him and all of a sudden it's on the road on burnley

it's a pretty busy straight it's back out the fucking thing oh my god and i'm still there tapping my wallet without a pass in it, not that it would do anything. How many minutes do you think this was? It would be like two minutes, which doesn't sound like a lot. That's a long time. See, I'm thinking you've tapped the wallet once and then gone. Silly me.

Oh, fuck. Oops, sorry, mate. And then hit the green button. How did you not realise? Because I was just fucking out of it. We bought the house and there's like, it's obviously exciting, but also like contracts and the deposit and I was like a bit, not stressed, but like just like all this admin.

Lots to think about. Your brain was full. And I was fucking scattered. And so I'm like, well, what am I going to do? And you can't back out. No, because there's 100 people behind you. It's like fight or flight. Well, there's no flight, bud.

You can't get out of here. Oh, did you just get out of the car? You ditched the car? I looked at the thing and it says, like, push here. You know, like there's the intercom? No way. Yeah. Fuck off.

So I was like, it's not fucking working. So I pushed the intercom button and it's like, and they're always like, what do you want? And I was like, oh, it's not working. And he's like, what do you mean? Have you pushed the button? And then it washed up. And all of a sudden I was 100% awake. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

I needed to get a ticket. But then I was still, like, mid-conversation with this guy. And so I was like, oh. Oh. But then I'm going, yeah, nah. All good. I think the ticket. No, well, because I'm like, well, I've called him.

Not Ryan. Why didn't you just go, oh, sorry, I hit that by mistake? I said, I don't think the ticket thing's working. And he goes, oh, sometimes it's funny, just push it again. And I go, okay, I'll try it again. Again. Oh, it's working now. Sorry, mate.

He goes, oh, don't worry, it happens to all the best of us. And I was like, well, it probably fucking doesn't. He's like, I've been watching you tap your wallet on the thing for 10 minutes on the security camera. I can't believe you hit the intercom button. Yeah, so I'm sorry for wasting the guy that works there's time. The security came and checked me. Thank you.

They were quite lovely. The guy behind me that was held up, I feel a little bit bad for you, but I feel more bad for the guy that was caught up on the street. On the street. Yeah, the back. Blocking up the bloody bike lane and whatever. And so next week on the show, finish this sentence. One time I was so tired, I.

And then tell me the dumb fucking thing you did to make me feel better. Because whilst a bit funny now. Because you imagine how I went into the shopping center. And then you just don't want to see the guy in the Porsche Cayenne that was right behind you as well. It was a nice car. Yeah, it would have been. But it was a nice car. Yeah. And I don't want to look like a dickhead in front of the guy with the Porsche Cayenne that was right behind you as well. It was a nice car. Yeah, it would have been. But it was a nice car. Yeah, and I don't want to look like a dickhead in front of the guy with the nice car.

I almost was like, I'll just leave the car here. Yeah, see you later. I don't need it. Far out. I believe, though, that what I did was not worse than what you did. So after you caused a scene at the car park, I caused a scene at the checkout. So, again, I'm not a scene causer.

As everybody that listens to this podcast knows, I like to fly under the radar as much as possible. I hate confrontation. I don't want to put anyone out. I don't like putting people out. I like to make things as easy as possible. And also, in the past, I have talked about my disdain for people that FaceTime in public.

Have you also talked about, because you used to work in a deli and I worked in hospitality and retail, people that are on their phone when you're trying to serve them? Is that another, a separate rant that you've been on? I have. No one was serving us though. We were going through the self-serve checkout. Please continue. So, I'm safe from that. Not the rest of it, but I'm safe from that.

No one was serving us. No one was serving us. It was at the, like... Concentrate on one job at a time, please. Well, okay, so this is the thing, right? Torbs and I had gone and done our food shopping as a team. Very nice. Yeah, so, and normally we go to the market, but this weekend we needed,

last weekend, sorry, we needed like, you know when you need heaps of house stuff as well, like we needed shampoo or fucking dishwasher tablets, fucking all that shit. You've got to go to the supermarket. And so we were like, we'll just do it all at the supermarket, then we don't have to drive here, there and everywhere and whatever. Anyway, so by the time you've gone around the supermarket, know it's been like an hour or whatever yeah and we like fuck around in the supermarket we have a bit of fun we weren't pew pew but we were just like

singing and dancing and trying to like make it fun because it's kind of like a shit chore yeah but it is like quality time we get to spend together so Spice up your life, dog. Have a bit of fun. Yeah. Anyway, so the shop was, it was like lunchtime, which is like the busiest time to go. Saturday. Oh, yeah. So like all the mums are out in full force doing their full week's shop. And so were we. Like our trolley was full and they only had self-checkouts open,

but the conveyor belt ones. Oh, yeah. Not the 10 items or less, but you can do your full checkout of your shop. I don't like that. Makes me nervous. It's annoying. It takes a long time, but they didn't have any things open.

We were like, we've got no fucking way to be. We'll wait in line. We'll just do that thing. We've got nowhere to be. So we're standing there. Torbs is kind of putting things on the conveyor belt and standing in front of me, and I was standing at the back of the trolley. So at at this time I was not required for any jobs all of a sudden I had

my phone in my hand like so that I could pay and um FaceTime popped up like someone started calling me one of Torbz's like really good friends and again I would normally not answer because I'd be like oh if we're walking around the shops I'm like concentrating on what we need to do but I thought I'm standing here I'm not doing anything and they're probably just asking a quick question so you know what kind of call was coming through it was FaceTime so you know the cardinal public sin of being on speakerphone is that you are on FaceTime and you're walking around like, hey, how are you? Giving a real performance.

Because exactly right. So you're on. In a supermarket. You're not just like, hey, mate. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, we'll see you at six.

Yeah, all good. I'm just at the shop, so let me know if you need anything. Sweet, cool. See you in a bit. It wasn't like that. It's like, hey, how are you going? And you have to be so loud. You have to be loud because the phone's so far away.

Well, here's a fun fact. You actually don't have to, but for some reason there's a thing in our brain. Automatically. Oh, it's on loudspeaker, so I need to speak up so it can hear me? Yeah, because I need to be a loudspeaker for it to hear me. I don't know what that means. Yes. Anyway.

And you decided to answer it. So I thought, fuck, I'm not busy. I don't know. There was just, I don't know. I was just like, of course I'm going to answer that, when normally I would just decline it and go, we'll be home in 15 minutes, I'll call you back. That is not what I did.

I, for some reason, don't know what promoted me to do this, but I answered it. And I went, hey, how are you? And I was like popping things on the thing. Oh, so hang on, you said I wasn't doing anything. So you were. Sorry, I picked the bags up and put them at the back of the conveyor belt. You're already changing your chair.

But Torbs was the one unpacking the stuff onto the conveyor belt to scan through. So you've gone from not doing anything to not doing much, okay. I put the bags on the thing. That was it. Anyway, so I'm like, hey, how are you? Anyway, and they go, what are you up to? And I was like, oh, we're actually just at the checkout. Like, are you guys all right?

Yeah. What's going on? And I kind of like showed like Torbs like unloading the thing, like switched my camera around. And then I put it back on me and I was like, how are you going? And they're like, we just wanted to tell you that we're having a baby. Oh, my God. We're pregnant.

And how do you react to that? And I went. And I'm standing at the checkout like this and I squatted down because I was just like wanted to scream and shout, right? Obviously, immediately I want to go like, holy shit, that's so fucking exciting. But I kind of go, fuck, I'm at the shop.

I can't really flip out. Do you want to be rude to them? I don't want to be rude to them. So I'm like half giving it and half not. But I'm just like, oh, my God. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so excited for you guys. Holy shit. Like, oh, my God.

Like, when did you find out? Like, what's going on? You know, you're asking all of these questions for me to only then realise. I'm in a fucking supermarket. I'm in a fucking packed Coles. If you were to estimate how many people were in that Coles at the time, on a Saturday afternoon. I don't know about the whole Coles, but in our immediate vicinity.

80? Probably 50 or 80, yep. There's like a lot of, there was people lining up, people with full trolleys and we're obviously, Torbs is like doing the thing and I'm just fucking like screaming and shouting. And I showed it and I was like, oh, my God. And he was like, oh, we're so excited. Then got back to the task at hand.

I'm fucking asking questions like, so what? Like when did you find out? When are you due? What's going on? Have you had your scan? Like all these, like just completely inappropriate questions for me to be asking whilst at the checkout. Question. Like all these, like just completely inappropriate questions for me to be asking whilst at the checkout.

Question. Question. If you were at the checkout and you saw someone else behaving the way you were. Just flipping out. How would you feel about that? What would you think about them? At the moment, because I'm so loved up about the information, I'm like I'd be so happy to see someone celebrating their best mate.

But do they know you're celebrating or do they just go, geez, that bitch is loud? Well, I was going like, oh, my God, and I sounded happy. It's not as if I was. She just found out there's 10% off the detergent. Oh, my God. This is the best day ever. I'm going to FaceTime my friends and tell them.

They got 10% off the nappy king. Nappy king? The nappy sand. Nappy king. White king or nappy sand. Because they don't know that. I'll answer for you. If you had seen someone else carrying all that in the supermarket,

you would have gone, what a fucking asshole. I can't wait to jump on the pod next week and just burn them to the ground. Yeah, I would do that. But I would have been like, oh, what's going on? Anyway, so me thinking that I have actually handled it quite well, I go, oh, my God, guys, this is fucking exciting. Oh, fuck, I've got to pay. Let me call you back when we get home.

Yeah, great. Yep. And so I hang up and go, oh, my God, Tob got to pay. Let me call you back when we get home, right? Yeah. And so I hang up and go, oh, my God, Tobbs, can you believe that? And these women who were checking out to the left of me and to the right of me both look at me and go, oh, hope you said congratulations from us. That's the right reaction That is Is that the coldest fucking

Yeah And I was like Oh yeah mate Tell them I said hi And then I go Oh my god I'm so Like

And I kind of gestured to the crowd I'm like Oh my god I'm so sorry I like Wasn't expecting that news just then. Really? And they're like, oh, yeah, no, it's a really exciting time.

For someone who I don't know that knows you, some other chick. I've got no fucking idea who you are. No fucking idea who they are. Just unload your fucking trolley and fuck off. Yeah, well, I'd love to, but there's something going on in the car park. It took us 40 minutes to get into this fucking place. That's a bitch's whole number for fucking checkout. On FaceTime.

On FaceTime. And I felt like an asshole, but I was just so excited that I was like, fuck, like, you know? Anyway. Can I? What? asshole but I was just so excited that I was like fuck I like you know anyway can I what now in the cold hard light of day uh-huh can you admit that maybe you were out of line or are you still loved up I'm still loved up because knowing you you'd be like I'm still loved up. Because knowing you, you'd be like, I'm so loved up, but I want to do the right thing in Tony's mind and not be that person. But also, I think I was just like... Are you a scene causer? You know what?

At that time, yeah, I was. I took up fucking space and it was a really exciting occasion for me to be like, fucking, you know what? I'm not going to not scream and shout because this is awesome. The last time we went to a supermarket together, we filmed the sexy supermarket pickup lines. Oh, yeah, we did. And one of us was a lot louder than the other saying the sexy lines.

Sorry, but you're filming. I wanted to make sure that the footage was good quality. The next time I hear of you being in a supermarket, this happens and you cause a scene. Okay, but it was beautiful news. Next time we're in a supermarket, can you promise that, because I know you in public, you get in a supermarket, this happens and you cause a scene. Okay, but it was beautiful news. Next time we're in a supermarket, can you promise that, because I know you in public, you get a bit like, I'll be a fuckhead here and I'll embarrass you.

Can you promise that you will not cause any more scenes in a supermarket? How would you have felt, right? Say you go, I'm going to call my best mate, Tony, and give her this great news. Imagine if I was like, hey, mate, like I'm on FaceTime. I'm like, hey, mate, and you're like, oh, my God, like we just bought the house, right, on Saturday. We just bought the house.

I'm like, hey, like I'm at Coles, bro. Like can you imagine how upset you would have been? No, I'd be like, you're right because we all know that only fuckheads FaceTime. But can I tell you what I was glad about? What? We were pretty early on the call list. Really?

So you look at the air, here it is. So then I did say to Torbs, I was like, imagine if we didn't answer. They would have told so-and-so before we knew. How high up list were you? First after family. They call mum and dad. They call mum and dad. They call Tony and Torbs.

So, I mean, who's the real winner here? They might be having a baby. They might be, you know, spreading life and joy, but fucking what about me, you know? Your dream is finally going to come true. What? I'm making a prediction. What?

We've already had this on the show before, but now it could be official. It sounds like Tony Lodge, you could become the godfather. The godmother. I'll be a godmother. I'll be a godmother. If anyone's interested, call me on FaceTime. Let's do it.

We love to see it. And sorry again to everyone involved. Yeah. Well, you know what? I think it's do it where you love to see it And sorry again to everyone involved Yeah, well you know what, I think it's worth it And I think that people in the Facebook group thread today For this episode I think they'll agree I think it's a good reason to cause a scene I wasn't just fucking flouncing around

Going like, yeah so did you want to come over at 5 o'clock You know That can be done by text Can you look in the barrel and say I will not cause a scene in a supermarket again. I will not cause a negative scene in a supermarket. Say it again without the N word. I will not cause a scene in the supermarket again. Thank you.

And that thank you is on behalf of everyone who lives in Richmond, Burnley, Hawthorne, the staff at IKEA. Actually, you were a fucking menace at IKEA one moment. I was not a menace at IKEA. A fun menace, but a menace nonetheless. What was I doing? You were racing car driving with the trolley. I would not do that.

That sounds like you. It does sound familiar, but not familiar. Yeah, you're right. You know what I love to see? Tell me. As you know, the Franco and Water bottles, Tony and Ryan bottles, they're out in the world. Uh-huh.

And there's been a first. And a lot of people may do this in the future. Mm-hmm. But I just wanted to, like, stamp off and say this was the first one because it's a moment in history. Okay. Megan Redkey, who we heard Megan's name a lot of times. Of course, yeah.

Oh, Megs. I may have pronounced her name Radkey 50 to 60 times. Okay. Turns out it's Redkey. That's why I was confused. Yeah. I saw that. Yeah. And you go, that sounds Oh, Megs. I may have pronounced her name Radke 50 to 60 times. Okay. Turns out it's Redke. That's why I was confused. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. And you go, that sounds like Megan Radke.

It's the same person. Okay. She was the first person to use the Frank Green water bottle for smuggling booze into a place that wasn't supposed to have booze. Oh, Megan. There was like a picnic and the kids. Open the Redke to my heart. Yeah.

Beautiful. Beautiful work. So she thought she would have a Redke wine. There was like a picnic and the kids... Open the red key to my heart. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful work. So she thought she would have a red key wine, but it was at like a picnic. I just wanted to get involved with the puns. Yeah, no, that's funny. I know it wasn't as good as yours. No, I liked it too.

No, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Now I'm embarrassed. My face is so red key. That was even worse. Come on. So they're at a picnic. They're at the park. You know, kids around, whatever.

We'll have a little juice and a little whatever. A little sippy. And she kind of like winks to the camera and is like, I've got my Frank Green water bottle and it's spicy. Oh, my God. I'm glad that we're contributing to that part of the Red Kee's life. It is an honour and a privilege. Yeah, definitely.

You love to see that. You love to see that. One of my favourite online trends is the most wholesome thing ever. And whenever a thread of these comes up, I can't help but click on it and I look through every single, like I always do it. And it's siblings recreating kids' photos as adults. As an only child. Oh.

I can appreciate it. Oh, great. Adults recreating kids. I just love it. No, I love it. I do too. It is so great. And when they put the same clothes on or close to the same clothes?

Yeah. So I've got, I'll put them in the thread. You can't see them. How fucking cute is that? Franco, put it on the screen. Oh, Franco can do that. Yeah. Look at this.

So them holding each other. Oh, that's cute as fuck. And this one with like the mom and the boys and they've got like gone and found the same outfits. I love it. And look at this one. This is my favorite one. They've got, they're like a Burger King and they've got like, they're doing doing chips as fangs and oh my God. I love that.

It is my favourite, favourite thing on the internet. Really? I just find it so wholesome. Is it better than when the soldier returns home from Afghanistan and surprises their family? Oh, that is good. They're different types of good. This is happy and wholesome, whereas that is heart-wrenching and beautiful. What about when the stepdad becomes the dad?

On the adoption day or whatever? Oh, my. That does fucking get me. Yeah. But that's a crying occasion. This is like... What about when they can't see colour and they put glasses on? They put the fucking colourblind glasses on.

No, I'm still saying this is right up there. But also, have you seen the ones where the baby gets hearing aids for the first time and hears the mum's voice for the first time? Put me in the fucking ground. Yeah. I can't deal with that. Do me in. Oh, okay.

Get me a kid's photo and let me... Top five. My You'll Love To See It Today is my top 11. I feel bad because I've fucking made that not sound as great as it is. I'm fucking all about that. I love these. There are lots of lovely trends, but this one just gets me in the soul every time. I'm so pumped up about that.

I will go to Coles, FaceTime someone and tell them how good it is. Yeah, good. And you would want to. That's how I will only receive news from now on. I'll be at Coles in 40 minutes. Can you ring me back then? Thanks for listening and thanks for watching. If you're watching the vodcast today, you can watch it on your smart TV, by the way.

You can. However you watch. So if you've got a smart TV, there's an app. Same as you'd have the Netflix app or whatever. Yeah. And then if you're not rich like Tony and you're just like a regular person like me who doesn't have a smart TV. Hey, who just bought a house, mate? I definitely can't afford a smart TV.

But we just use like the Chromecast. Yeah. Same as if you watch YouTube or Netflix and you just push the stream to TV button. Spotify has the same button. Yeah. So you just hit that and it will come up on your telly. Yeah. Which is pretty cool.

And just in time now for the episode to end. Next one. Listen to this one again. Yeah. All right. See you Monday. Love you. Bye.

Oh. Oh. You know how stuff just places. Oh, we could... Oh. You know how stuff just places. You know how I'm too blessed to be stressed? Dylan Friends podcast. So do. Love you, bye.