Toni and Ryan - Toni the Bad Neighbour

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm so sorry. LOVE YA!!! [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. We just tried to call Amanda to approve. She didn't answer and she goes, call back. I just got thrown up on. Yeah. And I mean, maybe she's out at the club or maybe a new mom or something. We can't decide. Who's to say? Let's find out. Let's give her a buzz. Hello.

Amanda. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Hey, I'm good. How are you guys? I mean, we're good, but you just got thrown up on, so we just wanted to check in, make sure you're okay. I did. I did. I have twin nephews, and they're five months old,

so, you know, we're doing aunt duties. Yeah. We were trying to figure out whether, yeah, you were at the club and someone threw up on you or you got a little bit of baby spew. Baby spew. Yeah. Yeah, just a little bit of baby, you know. That's easy.

Baby spew is a lot easier than. I don't know. No, baby spew is easier than adult throw up spew. Yeah, trust me, I've experienced a lot of both. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tony was auntie-ing a five-month-old yesterday. I was.

Did you get any baby spew on you? I didn't actually, and I think she spewed on you and Bridget, but she kept it down for me. She obviously loves me more than you guys. That's what I would expect. I was just going to say clearly Tony's the favorite. She does love Tony. Because she was laughing with me and she was spewing with you,

so I don't know. Win some, you lose some. But Amanda, will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely. Legend. Hey, it's Amanda from Amanda, will you approve today's podcast? Absolutely. Legend. Hey, it's Amanda from Maryland, and I approve this podcast. This time last year, after I'd moved into the new place, I was sort of neighbour shamed.

Neighbour shamed. Yeah. Neighbour chap. Yeah. And I know you've just moved into a new place and getting off to a good first impression is important, isn't it? I think it is. And I don't know if it's happened.

Okay. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. Also, today's a video show, so you can watch it on the Spotify app as well as listening to it wherever you'd like. Yep. But first, travelling for food. And I believe it was Beck?

Yeah, Tapa Rebecca. Tapa Rebecca who sent through and said, how far have you travelled for food? Because I've done a bit of a trip and I need some support. Yeah. You know, I'm not the only crazy one. I believe that she said, we've done how far have you travelled for dick? Now let's do how far have You Travelled for Food.

Yeah, because you've got to fill your mouth or something. In Victoria, the Country Cobb Bakery in Kyneton has won, like, Best Pie in Australia, like, a few years in a row. Like, they always win a big award. And Torbs and I have driven out there a couple of times, actually. For a pie. A bit of a roadie for a pie. It takes about an hour and a half to get there.

One way? Yep. So, a three-hour round trip for a pie. So, it's about an hour and a half to get there. And then you get there, you eat your pie, and you kind of, like, get back in the car. But you do eat on the premises? Yeah, we sit there and eat.

Yeah, dine in. Are you allowed to eat in the Audi? Oh, yeah. Like a pie, though? Oh, a pie you just don. Yeah, dine in. Are you allowed to eat in the Audi? Um, oh, yeah. Like a pie, though? Oh, a pie you just don't enjoy when you're on the move. No, you really don't. You've really got to like, because otherwise, like, you know when you do the

after, because you've got all the crumbs on your, like, top or whatever? One of my favourite internet memes is there's this guy who thinks he's a professional musician, the way he like slaps his body. Like he does like this, clapping and whatever. And it says above it, me after eating a pie in the car, trying to get all the flakes and shit off.

That is hilarious. That is so funny. But yeah, so we've done that. But that's probably the furthest we've driven for food. Benjamin. Hi. Benjamin. Hi, Benjamin. Who listens to the Tony and Ryan podcast. What a great guy.

He has travelled from British Columbia in Canada to Orlando, Florida, to go to Golden Corral, which is America's number one endless buffet. So how far is BC from to FL? Well, Florida's in the south. FL. Yeah, but how far would that be? Sorry, we don't know. It's very easily Googleable.

Oh, no, no, no, but I was just like, oh, because that's obviously a flight. It'd be a fair flog. That'd be a long flight. Or an even longer drive. Or you wouldn't drive it, surely Unless you were moving there How do we feel about

And can I just say And I don't want to besmudge the great name of the Golden Corral Yeah But I'd say it's like I mean, a buffet is a buffet There's no like high-end buffet It's a real like Oh, I mean, you can get a bad buffet though, can't you?

You know when you're in a nice hotel or something and they've got like a big like seafood part and they've got like a whatever, like you can go to one that's not like that. Yeah, I'd say if you had to pick an end of the spectrum, this one is not at a fancy hotel and I would dare say there's no seafood available at Golden Corral. Now, I also have an issue with the word endless buffet. Yeah, aren't they all?

Thank you. By definition, a buffet is endless. Yeah. It's all you can eat. So don't throw a special word in there and pretend like you're better than me. I also just like, like a buffet is like you've been to one, you've been to a million. But I thought in America a buffet would be some kind of spectacular thing.

And I had heard rumours of like like, a $1 buffet, like, in Las Vegas and stuff. It's not like that at all. I don't know. Yeah, but you're speaking as someone who didn't go to the $1 buffet. No, no, but, like, well, I thought that it was every, like, you couldn't bloody piss without a $1 buffet, you know? Like, I thought they were just everywhere.

Like, it's just like. We did stay at Caesars Palace, which is the very nice end of town, and we didn't dare venture there. Well, they didn't have a single buffet. No. Not even a nice one. Low on buffets. I think.

Do we find out how long it is? Over 48 hours straight. So. Drive. Driving, yeah. Well, you'd be hungry. Maybe it would be a good choice. Mackenzie said, my brother, who's ridiculous,

wanted some actual good coffee, so he jumped on a plane from Los Angeles to Australia. Believable. Very believable. Believable, because the coffee in America sucks dick, and not in a good way. Heather, we spend summers in a mining camp. What?

I mean. Your parents put you to work. It was the summer. They didn't want to deal with you, so they got you a job. Yeah, yeah, they're 18. Yeah, they've got their HR license. Yeah, they can drive a truck. And I think this must be Western Australia.

The closest city is five hours away. So we've driven five hours and been wildly excited for McDonald's. Oh, yeah. I believe that. And the crew, so when you say at the mine, hey, guys, I'm legging it five hours. We're doing a trip. Who wants Maccas?

Yep. She goes, I've never seen grown men get excited for a five. Could you imagine, imagine like the temperature? You okay, mate? Yeah, well, can I hear like Velcro being like... That might have been my shoe. Oh, I was like, what is happening? Hang on a sec.

Yeah, stop. That's awful. Secret sound. You guessed it, you won. You whispered and secret sound won. I win 10% of your lot, I win. And so everyone's like, oh, my God, you bought that cheeseburger five hours ago but still just like, oh.

See, yeah, you think about the way there but you don't think about the way back. Like you've got to go back as well because on the way there, it's like going on holiday. You're excited. The flight doesn't feel so bad but the five-hour drive home after you've eaten the nuggets and you go, fuck, feel like we're just going back now yeah like it's like the fun's over i've heard of someone fly from esperance to kalgoorlie or vice versa to go to dome

there's a dome in kalgoorlie uh no for k like bucket of kfc and again it was like the guys were mining in kalgoorlie so they like go, oh, can you bring back a bucket of that fried greasy chicken? So you're just sitting on a flight just holding a bucket of chicken. And the smell? The rest of the plane would fucking hate you. Oh, my God, because that gentle aroma of chicken through the plane. And you go, I don't want fucking peanuts. I want one of the drummers that that guy's bloody hauling.

Can I get you a water? No, I'll get a fucking zinger, dog. Yeah, I'd actually love a wicked wing. I think I could just throw it down. That'd be awesome. June said, I flew from Geneva in Switzerland to Paris to go to this specific sandwich place because it's cheaper and faster than going to the same one where I live in Bern,

which is the capital of Switzerland. They're not that far apart, but a flight for a sandwich is a flex that I love. You know how the flight attendants make a bit of small talk? Oh, hey, where are you off to today? What's got much on? Business, seeing family, something? Oh, they run out of ham at my local, so I'm going down to grab a schnitzel.

Would you admit to that or would you just? I would because I think it's funny, but I don't think that there's many people that would. Have you ever like, you know, when you are really feeling like something, say it was Subway and you go to your local Subway and you go, oh, can I get a tuna six inch? And they go, oh, we're actually out of tuna today. And they go, what can I get you instead? And you go, I actually really want the tuna. Have you ever like driven to another Subway?

Have you ever, like, driven to another subway? The Hungry Jack's, which is Burger King here in Australia, in Altham. Yep. The, like, meat press was out or the boiler was off and they couldn't do meat. And the poor girl in the drive-thru had to explain to fucking everyone. To every person. Because everyone just rocks up and goes, can I get a Whopper? And she goes, nah.

Nah. Because the boiler, she's like, I'm so sorry, the boiler's down. Do you want, like, some nuggets? And I was like, if I's like, I'm so sorry, the boiler's down. Do you want like some nuggets? And I was like, if I wanted chicken, I probably wouldn't have gone to Burger King. I would have gone to. Oh, yeah. Nuggets, I would have gone to McDonald's. If I wanted a chicken burger, I would have gone to KFC.

The reason I'm at Hungry Jack's is because I want some beef. Yeah. And so I drove to a different one. Yeah. I think that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're right.

Especially you've decided that this is what I want. Especially if you don't eat like whatever it is very often. You go, no, this is a real treat or like, nah, I've saved up to go to this place. I don't want the wrong thing. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's fair enough. Yeah.

I think that's fair enough. Tony Lodge. Yes. How far have you travelled? Is the pie the most... I reckon the pie would be the biggest one. Well, then let me ask this. Is there a specific food that you go,

if I was going to travel for anything... Dome. The Benedict? A ham and eggs hollandaise and a caramello koala espresso from Dome. In Perth. Is it? I don't want to, like, talk shit about your family. Have you?

It's pretty even. I'll answer before you've asked. So you go, I've got a flight to Perth coming up. It's my cousin's 18. That's why I'm going. And I go, is that why you're going? Or is that your excuse? Like, is that?

It's a little bit of both. It is normally a good excuse to catch up with someone because I go, is that why you're going? Or is that your excuse? It's a little bit of both. It is normally a good excuse to catch up with someone because I go, well, I want to go to Dome anyway. Do you want to come? So when I went for my nephew's birthday, the morning of the party, my best friend Aidan and I were going to catch up and I was like, I've only got one breakfast slot available. We'll have to go to Dome. Like, can you come and pick me up?

We'll go to Dome. The one in Maddington? And we did. There isn't a Dome at Maddington. We went to the one in Arm Dome. Like, can you come and pick me up? We'll go to Dome. The one in Maddington? And we did. There is an Adome at Maddington. We went to the one in Armadale. Oh, okay. Yeah. If you arrived at the airport and some mystical creature comes out and goes,

you can't go to Dome or you can't go to your cousin's 18th. My nephew. Nephew. to dome or you can't go to your cousin's 18th? My nephew. Nephew. I shouldn't be thinking about it because obviously I would pick my nephew's birthday. It's a video show.

We can see your face. We can see you nodding and winking. If the screen just went black, you haven't seen a thing. It's the close-up on me looking at you. No, I would pick my family. Yeah. Just because I think it's the right thing to do. Again, it's a video show.

Unroll your eyes. I just love an espresso. You know, I can't enjoy an espresso on FaceTime. I can't chat to my family on FaceTime. Yeah, that is very true. You know? That is very true. Like, I can't do that, reach through the screen thing, get the food like they said that we would

be able to do by now. You know, I'm Willy Wonka. I don't think they promised that. I think they did. Yeah. Maybe it's the new Wonka. Oh yeah, Timothee Chalamet. Chalamet. Chalamet. Hey, it's Amanda from Maryland and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarbers over at our Patreon. Josh Forgia. Josh Stone. Do you remember Josh Stone? What was that song that Josh Stone did? She had a nose ring. I used to think she was really cool. Anyway, Josh Forgia.

Good on you, Josh. Steve Farris. Alexa Kerr. Melissa Lay. And Amanda Ord. Good on you guys. Right to be wrong. I don't think that's the song I'm thinking of.

Super Duper Love. No, I don't think so. Fell in love with a boy. Tell me what we're going to do. Nah. Sorry. I've brought her up and now I don't know. Oh, she's gone through some...

Vibe changes. Yeah. Yeah. Also, for all of our Patreons, your name will be scrolling across the bottom of the screen right now. All levels. It's a bit of fun. Bit of fun. This time last year, I moved into a new house.

Uh-huh. And around Christmas. Yeah. Everyone on the same day in the neighbourhood dropped off gifts for the other neighbours. That's lovely. It's lovely when you know about it and have planned in advance and have gifts to give. Yeah.

The Indian family down the road, they brought like a kusundi and a chutney, like a homemade thing in a jar. Oh, that's so nice. And like a little ribbon on the jar. Like, you know, they dressed it up. Oh, yeah. Have you had like a good homemade kusundi? I haven't, but I have had a really amazing homemade chutney that like a friend of mine their family made it and like that'll get you have you ever had lime pickle no oh i come for

lime pickle the lady across the street made shortbread, like homemade shortbread. And they were warm when they arrived. Oh. The lady over the back, like a handwritten card. It was just like really lovely. Just thoughtful. Yeah, because Bridget was pregnant, like invisibly pregnant. Like, welcome to the neighborhood. I hope you nest in our new hood and the whole. Like your family. Yeah, we're all looking forward to hearing some little baby screams

in the near future. And it's just so lovely to have you guys. And it was just, like, beautiful. That's really nice. And, like, some little chocolates or something. And I was like, fuck, Bridge, do we have anything? She's like, nah. And so we were just, like, that family that didn't give anything back.

Yeah. But then so this year have you made an effort to, like, be, like, part of that exchange? Because, like, this is the thing. Like, this is the season. I am planning to plan for it. Oh, okay. I have thought about thinking about it.

Yeah. Thought about thinking about it. I have been at the shops and gone, I should come back to these shops and get something for the neighbours. The thing is, is that, like, I don't think it can't be store-bought almost. Yeah, you're right. You need to do something that you've like made or like that you've put thought into and you go, this is something I really love and I'm proud of and I'm going to share it with you.

I tell you what's been a goer in previous years is a bottle of wine but from like Bridget's winery. Yeah, see, that's personal. So she's not at a winery anymore. So then we go and I say, oh, my wife is a winemaker. This is from her wife. So, I mean, obviously she'd just like grab one on the way out. But like. No, no, no, no, no, that's personal. So she's not at a winery anymore. So then we go and I say, oh, my wife is a winemaker. This is from her wife. So, I mean, obviously she just, like, grabbed one on the way out. But, like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I think that's really nice. Yeah, but it's like, oh, I made, like, this is from the family. The only thing with alcohol, though, is that, like, if someone doesn't drink, then you feel a bit bad because you're just like, oh, like, dude. You know, you don't want to offend anybody by giving them an alcohol gift if they are trying to cut back or. So when? Don't whisper.

They hate that. I know. I know. I don't want to whisper, but this is fucked. So I stayed when I was in Austin. Yeah. Auntie and uncle live there and they're like, oh, we've got a family friend that's got like a spare granny.

So we stayed in like a friend of a friend's place. Oh, sure. And they don't drink. They used to drink a lot. Don't whisper. They hate it. They used to drink a lot, but now they're like doing really well and they've turned the corner.

Yeah. I didn't know this. And so as a gift for letting us. And at Christmas time as well, you're like, oh, like be merry. Yeah, it was Thanksgiving and I was like lovely. And they came and said hi and they were like the loveliest fucking people ever. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'm just going to hi and they were like the loveliest fucking people ever. Yeah.

And I was like, well, I'm just going to leave a little present to say thanks for letting us stay. Yeah. And it was, I'm guessing, a bottle of whiskey or something. Yeah. Yeah. So I actually, I didn't know that this is what you were going to talk about.

Yeah, so how's your new neighbourhood going, sweetheart? But I've just moved. Sorry. Yeah, so how's your new neighbourhood going, sweetheart? But I've just moved. And we've, like Torbs and I, we've been together for almost 10 years. How long have you been doing it? Oh, sorry, we've been doing it for 10, together for 9.

I feel like you've been doing it for 10, together for 9 for a while now. No, because remember I said I think it was wrong and you were like, no, no, no, it's time to round up and we just keep rounding up and I don't know where we're at now. Because I think it started at 8 and 9 and this is the third year of the pod. I reckon you've been doing it for 11. No, we, no, it's time to round up and we just keep rounding up and I don't know where we're at now. Because I think it started at 8 and 9 and this is the third year of the pod. I reckon you've been doing it for 11. No, we haven't. We were together for nine years in September. So then we've been like doing it for 10.

When did you first hook up with him? That's a round up because that was like the middle of the. Would you have been 19 years old? I was, yeah. And now you're in your 30s. Yeah. He's been hitting that for three different? I was, yeah. And now you're in your 30s. Yeah. He's been hitting that for three different decades. Oh, nice.

Go to him. Anyway. Sorry, off track. So we've lived together since I was 21. Whoa. So we've lived together for like a really long time. And we've always rented, like most people. And so we've moved around a lot, whatever.

And we've never, ever thought to introduce ourselves to a neighbour before. Like, even when we lived in an apartment and we were only next door, like, you know, you see people in the hallway, you say hey, but you never, like, actually... Welcome to the building. No, like, no one did it to us. We didn't do it to anybody else. Like, so whatever.

But because we've bought this house and we want to live there for a very very long time we were like you know what this if we go and say hello to a few people the earlier we do it the better it will be absolutely because if you leave it too long and then in a year when you need a plant watered while you're away on holiday, they go, you've lived there for a year and you never fucking came over and said hi. Look who's rocked up when they need something. Exactly. Yeah, no, I agree. You've got to get on the front foot.

Yeah, and because also I wanted to kind of say hello and be like, oh, and we have a little dog. She is really quiet. She doesn't really bark or anything. But, like, if she ever gets out, do you mind, like, grabbing her? like grabbing her this is where she's from you know like this is where she lives and you know that kind of thing so all my neighbors know bj so when he starts wandering they they just like go home yeah we know where you're from like just pop down um and so that was kind of the main thing yeah um but like we were trying to figure out, like, what time of the day to go, what day to go.

Like, do you kind of go on a Friday after work or do you go, like, a Saturday morning? Do you go a Sunday Arvo? Like, when's the right time to, like, knock on someone's door unexpectedly? Okay, when you said we were trying to figure out what time, I was about to roll my eyes and go, what a classic Tony fucking...

I've found something to worry about. Yep. Run me through those names you just said. So, like, a Friday after work? No, I've been working all week. Don't interrupt. I've just got home. I've put my feet on. Absolutely. Saturday morning? No, family time. Kids sports on. I'm watching stuff. No, it's when you're doing your housework.

But also, I've had a big week at work. I've got up for work early every on. I'm watching stuff. No, it's when you're doing your housework. But also I've had a big week at work. I've got up for work early every morning. I'm going to sleep in on a Saturday. I don't want some arsehat knocking on my door. And I'm probably still in my jammies. You know, you're having your coffee on the back deck or whatever and you're enjoying the sun. Sunday afternoon?

No, because I've been binging all day and I'm getting close to finding out who's going to win Squid Games and some arsehole's knocking on my door on a Sunday? Family's Day? God's Day? God's Day, yeah, the Sabbath. Exactly right. Actually, there is no time. Yeah, well, so we were kind of like.

What did you go for? So for the whole week we're like thinking like, oh, should we go now? And then we're like, no, no, no, I don't think it's the right time. Tuesday night. We ended up, oh, do you reckon? Yep. Oh, that's not what we did. We went for the Sunday afternoon.

But before we even really, like you said, it is the season of giving. You kind of go around and you take a gift or whatever. I think I know what you're talking about. What? No, no, no. Well, we're thinking about what we can get and I'm like, well, I don't just want to go buy something from the shops because that looks like we've gone and bought something

from the shops to, like, give to our neighbours. Like, what, can they not afford their own groceries? Yes, they can. Like, I'm not going to take you a bottle of fucking simmer sauce from Coles. Like, it's not a thoughtful gift. I don't really have. A jar of chicken tonight.

Welcome to the neighborhood. You know what I mean? Like, and they go, we're vegans. Like, I don't know. Anyway, and then I'm like, I don't really have, like, like a go-to dessert. I don't, like. Bake shortbreads.

Yeah, there's not like a. Not making kusundi. Yeah, there's not like a biscuit that I'd go, of course I will make that and take it. I do make a really mean tiramisu, but you can't take someone to dish a tiramisu. Can't you? No, because it's like a heavy, large dessert.

Yeah, fuck yeah. No, whereas like a biscuit, you could maybe have one, or if you just throw it out, it doesn't really matter. Now, I know this is in the category of tiramisu about being big and heavy, but when you made me that lasagna with the homemade bechamel sauce, fuck me right up. Let me look in the barrel of the can. Tony Lodge does a mean fucking lasagna with homemade bechamel sauce

and anyone would be very lucky to receive a tray of that. And Ryan wouldn't say that lightly because he hates being gifted a lasagna. I do. Tony was lucky to be in the first four or five lasagnas I received. Those who were 10 to 15 were kind of getting a bit lasagned out. Yeah. But you were in the sweet spot. Thank you.

Also, have I given the tray back? Have you given the tray back? Yeah, I think you did. Oh, that's good for me. Even though I, like, bought it, I went to the op shop and bought one. So I was like, if that doesn't come back, that's okay. You knew. No, well, because it's just nice, isn't it?

It is nice. And you never have too many lasagna dishes. Oh. Again. In the fridge. Again. Full of lasagna. Again.

I'll stop you right there. So anyway, we're like talking about what we should do. And I was like, oh, something like that we've made or something I feel like is what we have to do. So I said to Torbs, what if we went and introduced ourselves to the neighbours and I took a copy of my book? Oh, Tony. No.

No. I think that is really nice. You've brought homework? It's $30. That's good value. Yeah, but is it also a bit very self-involved? You would take the wine that Bridget had made? Yeah, but I get to consume the wine and enjoy it.

Like, yeah, nah, dog. Okay, well. It's very presumptuous. Well, I just. That you would give a fuck. Especially it's like, it's not like a book of fun, like it's like fun short stories that is like relevant. Like the whole book is about you.

Yes. It's not just like. Their new neighbour. Learn about your new neighbour in this book. I thought that was really sweet. No. Torbs held me down and said, if you take a book out of this house, I will cut your head off.

Yeah, and he was right in saying that. He was right in saying that. But I thought that was quite, we didn't end up doing it, but I thought that was really thoughtful and nice because I was like, it's something I've made, something I'm really proud of. Oh, absolutely. But I think for the, if, think for the... Once you know them. If they know you and they appreciate, like, if they like the gift, they would love the gift.

Yeah. But I'm just thinking if someone I didn't know rocked up and was like, oh, I wrote this book, I'd be like... I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. If it was all about them. And then...

It's almost a bit... It's a bit wanky, isn't it? It's very wanky, but it's also, and I know it's not a religious book, but you know how like those people knock on your door and go, oh, would you like to do some readings about the Bible? And you go, not really. Yeah. And they probably, they go, that's what they might have thought.

Oh, they might have thought it was a good book. Oh, but like. But like capital G. Hi, we're just in the area. Would you like to do some readings? And you go, oh, no, we've already had a local church. Thank you. Well, so we didn't end up doing.

The Church of Tony Lodge is open. It is a Sunday. That sounds great, actually. It's Tony's Lord's Day. But anyway, we ended up like knocking on. Well, we went to the first house and they had like a gate, like a little pathway getting up to their front door. There was like a gate at the front that was closed.

And I was like, seems a bit intrusive to like open the gate and go down their pathway. So let's just pop something in their letterbox. So we're just like, hi, we've just moved in, like whatever. We go to another house. We knock on the door and we waited there for like a minute and no one came. So we were like, okay, obviously no one's home or whatever.

Yep. And we started walking back to the street and then she came to the door but we were already halfway out and so we had to like waddle back up the thing. And she goes, stay there. What? And I went, oh, sorry, like I'm not trying to bother you. We just moved in across the street.

And you were doing the customer service voice like that? Yeah, I was. And she goes, oh, no, no, no, I've got COVID. And I was like, oh, my God. I thought she was like, stay back. Stay right there. But she was like, oh, my God. I thought she was like, stay back. Stay right there. But she was like, no, I've just gotten COVID, and I was like, oh, no. And she goes, oh, yeah, and it's my first time.

And I went, oh, how are you feeling? Are you all right? And we kind of had a bit of a chat. Oh, so you can't go to work. What are you going to do all week? Do you need a book? Do you need a book? Feel like reading?

Well, then, because we hadn't gone with a gift, luckily, because that's what we've done, put it on the pathway and then. So, hang on, you went empty-handed? Yeah, we went empty-handed. Oh, so when you say, oh, we decided not to go to the book, I assumed you instead got something else. No, we didn't have another plan. So what did you leave in the other person's letterbox?

No, I said we would write a note and just, like, pop it in, just be like, hey, we just moved into number blah and like just say hey. And there's no gift in the note. There's no gift. So what I do now with Christmas cards, I shake it and if no money comes out, I go, oh, okay. No one's sending you a Christmas card, mate. Anyway, and then she's like, oh, yeah, I'm like not very well.

And I was like, oh, do you need anything? Like if you've got COVID, I don't know if she's got like a family or whatever. I'm like, do you need anything? She's like, no, that's okay. My husband and kids will be back soon and they're doing the food shopping. I was like, oh, great. And she goes, oh, well, like my name's blah. And like we are very happy to water plants and whatever you need.

And we'll come over and introduce ourselves properly like when I'm better and whatever. And I was like, okay, great. That's fine. I'm so sorry to interrupt. She's like in her robe and she's sick. Like, poor girl. Like, whatever.

She's got a 50% life discount at homey. Lucky bitch. And anyway, so I'm like, oh, this is so fucking awkward. All right, well, bye. Like, thank you. We go to another house. The exact same fucking thing happens. We knock on the door.

We wait there for a minute. No one comes. We're like, oh, okay. It's a ring, like a fucking ring doorbell then i ring the bell and then someone like threw their fucking you know how you can talk through the doorbell and they go oh we're not home and i was like oh i'm i'm not here to bother you like we just moved into like down the road that's the definition of bothering just wanted to say hello they're yeah, like we're not home. And I was just like, oh.

Oh, so she's on her app thing. Yeah. You could bond over that. We have one of those. Yeah, we've got a ring doorbell. Anyway, and then I was like, oh, you know what? Like just pop in maybe at Christmas or something. Pop in at Christmas?

I'm just fucking panicking. Pop in at Christmas? And then we go to the last house that I was like, these are the four we should hit because they're like the direct ones. And then we go to the last house that I was like, these are the four we should hit because they're like the direct ones. And then we get to the last one and we actually met them on the day of the auction. Are those ones loitering out the front? They came around and were like,

congratulations on the thing. I think I met them as well. They were nice. They're really, really lovely. They've got two young kids. They're just like gorgeous little family. And we knock on the thing and she doesn't answer and then um we do the minute and a half wait or whatever and then we start to waddle away we hear her open the door we have to waddle back again and then um so like it was a real fucking bust and i don't know if it was the wrong time to go at least you got your steps up for the day

got my steps up exactly right walking up and down the street, surveying the new area. Got your ins in. And I was like, oh, hey, like, just wanted to say hi. She's like, yeah, we've met. She thought that, like, I'd forgotten that we had already met. And she goes, yeah, like, Tony, I remember. And I was like, oh, no. Remember an auction day? And I used her name because I remembered her name. So I was like, oh, no, I just wanted to let you know that we're in,

we're settled because we were away for a while. And she was like, oh. Cool. Cool. She was like, yeah, we'll add you to the street group chat. And I was like, oh, awesome. That was a group chat. Don't add me to that.

Tony moved out of an apartment to avoid community internet groups. No, but the thing is, is that I've bought the house. I need to be involved. No. But anyway, and she goes, well, I just think I was like, oh, great. She goes, yeah, I think we'll start a new one. I was like, great, yeah, I'll give you my number when it starts, whatever. And she goes, yeah, awesome.

Yeah, well, like my husband is out with the kids at the moment. So, yeah, I'm just just like and i'd interrupted her like one hour of time on her own probably for the week i've got one hour and do you think she what would you do with your one hour alone when you got kids i know what i'll do yeah not talk to my fucking neighbor that's for sure in fact quite the opposite i'm putting closing the blind so no one can see what i'm doing for my hour yeah that's what i do. I'm not casting aspersions on my beautiful neighbour, but that's what I'd be doing. And then anyway, so yeah, she went, yeah, great, and she's so nice.

Sounds like it. But I was like, ooh. And then so now I feel like we should do the rounds again. No. With a Christmas present. That's what I think we should do. Did you guys get home from this trip just feeling so deflated and defeated and like, what the fuck was that?

Like, why did I try? That's how I felt. I was like, I should have taken the book. I was like, no. No, no. The book is not the answer. It's really not. The book is not the answer.

Should we house swap and just like start? Oh, give me another shot. Yeah, we both, it seems like we both need a. Start fresh. Yeah. Yeah, I It seems like we both need a Start fresh Yeah Yeah I think that's what I need Because I

I respect the gift Without the Knock on the door Oh like just popping in the letterbox Or something Yeah Well I mean Cause like I'm not interrupting

Just here to drop this off You take it in your own time And all good and like I mean there wasn't a gift But We were just gonna like Hand write a note I'm just gonna put it out there

It seems impersonal But I'm so. I'm just going to put it out there. It seems impersonal. I'm so sorry. I'm so emotional about the gift. I'm just going to put it out there. It seems impersonal to just leave it. But as someone who received just a little something at the door with a nice little note, it's actually like still nice and heartwarming and there isn't the awkwardness of the encounter.

I do get what you mean, but we live on a really small street. Oh, but the next time you see him, you go, oh, g'day, mate. But you don't recognise him, though. You don't, like, you don't know who. So you go, oh, did you bring the kasundi or did you bring the short? But, like, you've got no idea who's who. And so I just really wanted to be like, oh, so if I'm driving down the street, you'll know who it is.

And, like, I just thought that that would be really nice and it just went a bit bust. And, yeah, Torbs did remind me many times that the book was not the answer. Yeah. And I do agree. It's not. In retrospect, I just thought, like,

here's something that I've created that I'm really proud of. This isn't about the book. It's not about the book. The book's great. My best-selling book that I'm really proud of the book the book's great best-selling book that i'm really proud of it's best-selling book not best gifting book yeah that's a great point actually i will take that and it's too valuable and in demand to be throwing them out willy-nilly to ungrateful neighbors yeah people are gonna listen to this be like i'll move next story if it means

that i get a book um i'm surprised that your after all this has happened that your first thought was we'll have to try again because my first thought is well i'm never fucking leaving the house well i just thought now that it's like we're getting closer and closer to christmas so people got heaps of spare time no no but now would be an easy time to say like um drop it at the front door you don't need to see them again but you go here's a little gift from number 23 yeah or something like yeah we met the other day you know maybe include a little polaroid of like torbs me and pipas that they remember who it was no no no okay we won't do that the book would be good because got my face on it yeah i think you're a bit uh into your face and a bit not into appeasing

the neighbours. No, because I don't care about people remembering my name but like if they can recognise my face and they go, oh that's that stupid bitch that dropped the book off. Then they can, you know, do the little wave. They know what like I just want to make it as easy as possible because you know when you get something and you go, I don't know who that's

fucking from. I think I know what I'm going to get, whoever I got for Secret Santa think I know what I'm going to get whoever I got First Secret Santa. Thank you. I'm going to get a little TV screen and a little stand and just like put it in the nature strip near your house and it's just going to be me waving on loop because it sounds like you just want to drive into your street and have someone wave to you. The thing is, is that I just thought that it would be this like lovely experience of like bonding and we'd meet new best friends um and it wasn't really that

and i think i feel best friends no just like oh yeah we'll go for a a christmas eve drink at sally and rob's down the road or something that's kind of what I thought was going to happen. That has not happened and I don't think we're going to get invited to Sally and Rob's, unfortunately. Tony Lodge, would you, Torbs and Pippa, like to come to my house for Christmas Eve drinks? That sounds really nice, actually. I really like to do that. Okay.

Well, you're more than welcome. Please come on over. That's really nice. I'll bring a lasagna. I'll bring a copy of my book. Bring one of those things. The lasagna. Yeah.

Yeah. The book you could sell at least if I brought anything. Bronbridge, Mabel and I would love to have you. That's lovely of you. And we can talk about how shit your neighbours are. They're really nice. I think I'm the bad neighbour, to be honest. Don't stick up for those arseholes.

Fuck them. I've got to get a a love to see it here. Yep. Is yours happy? Mine's a bit sad. Do you want me to go first? Yeah, go on. Okay.

My love to see it is from Tommy Henderson, who you might remember. Yeah, no, you go. You might remember from New York City. We signed a bottle of his poppers. Mum was sad at the start but has a good ending and it sounds quite similar. Well, it's not really good at the ending because the mums two are going to die. Spoiler. Tommy actually shared this in our Facebook group.

Lovely guy. He and his partner we met in New York City. Tommy says, I found out a few days ago that unfortunately my mother has stage four pancreatic cancer and doesn't have much time left, which is just horrific. Yep. It's fucked. And I'm not going to say that. I'm sorry because we don't say that here. It's fucked.

But it's fucked. Tommy says, I was texting one of my really good friends to let her know the news and basically fired off a series of texts, which is how I text as well. I'm a multiple texter. Like, ding dong, it's fucking me again. Don't use, like, full stops. Just send another text. Send another text. Exactly right.

Tommy says, after I meant to send some kind of sombre or sad crying emoji, I accidentally sent a wink emoji. Would you describe it as like a sexy wink? Yeah. My mum's going to die. What are you doing later though? Yeah, do you want to come around? Because in about four weeks my mum's not going to be home.

She's not the only thing that's going to be stiff. Rock hard. And Tommy says, I've sent the winking emoji accompanying the news of my mother's terminal illness. And instead of like a you up text, it's like this horrible news. Tommy says, I found it really, really funny and just died laughing. Not the mum, obviously.

She'll die from something else. Yeah, not after. This is probably the first time I've laughed since getting the news, which is very, very important. I personally find humour to be a terrific coping and processing mechanism. Holla! And when facing life's toughest challenges, in this instance was no exception.

And we are big advocates for medicines, obviously the best medicine, but second best is laughing. And for anybody that's ever listened to any episode of this podcast, that's how we've gotten through some of our hardest trials and tribulations of life is with a good laugh. Would you like to create a service potentially in Patreon where you send us your horrible news and Tony just replies with a wink? I'll reply with a joke.

Yeah, I could do that. Just a wink? Yeah. Oh, not just a wink. Oh, reply with a joke. Yeah, I could do that. Just a wink. Yeah. Oh, not just a wink. I think... My dog just died. Do you remember when, like, I think this is one of those, like, wives' tales that everybody knew a friend who'd done this,

but, like, their mum texts them and was like, Grandma's died, LOL, but it was, like, lots of love. Love, yeah. Yeah. That always makes me laugh. That does. Yeah. It does.

Anyway, Tommy, we are thinking of you. That's really fucking awful. And hopefully. But a little bit fucking hilarious too. But very funny. Thank you for sharing it. And I hope that your mum enjoys her last Christmas. Because it's a special time, a special family time.

Ask her if she would like a copy of my book. Because laughter is the best medicine. I would not be joking about this if we didn't meet Tommy. Can I just say, like, I don't want people to think I'm an asshole. We signed his ammo. I mean, we're on a pretty close relationship. We know Tommy and his partner very well. It's all good.

Imagine if you're a dying mum. You're a dying mum. What are you going to do with your last month? Read a book about someone who's mum. Is that a dying mum? Fuck me. She goes, that's what's going to happen to me. This is how sad my son will be.

Anyway, Tommy, thank you for showing that. You love to see it. You don't love to you for sharing that. You love to see it. You don't love to see it, actually. You love to see the laughs, not the dead mum. Yeah. You don't love to see that at all. Dying mum, sorry. My love to see it is not getting Squid Games ruined by Tony Spoilers Lodge.

You're welcome. I would say you were almost adamant on spoiling the vibe of the last episode of Squid Games for me. I didn't watch it straight away. And you came in and you're like, oh, last episode. And I was like, actually, how many times? Well, I assumed that you would have watched it because we were very pumped about the ending. Yeah, no, that's fair. That is fair.

But once you did find out that I hadn't watched it, did you stop chatting about it? No. I never do. Never stop chatting. NSC. If you had a dollar for every time I said, I'm actually going to have to ask you to shut the fuck up, how rich would you be?

I'd probably have enough money to give you 10% back. The thing is, though, I didn't actually ruin it the way, like, you kept, I was trying to explain what I meant. Yeah, and now that I know the answer, but that's still part of the spoil. The spoil isn't just who wins. It's about how and why and what happens. But because you were like, you're obviously mad about X. And I said, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not.

I'm mad about this. And I'm like, don't fucking. No, but you needed to trust me that I wasn't going to actually. No, I know. And I don't. But you needed to trust me because I would never fuck something like that. You almost did many times. No, but I didn't.

This is the thing. You can't like. I wanted to find out the thing that you were talking about for myself. But I didn't tell you that. Yeah, but I smelt a rat because the way you acted. No, you didn't. You're so silly. Because you came in tell you that. Yeah, but I smelt a rat because of the way you acted. No, you didn't. You're so silly. Because you came in and you went,

and I was like, oh, that's already too much. No, it wasn't because you still didn't know. And then you texted me and said, oh, my God. Yeah, I did. Yeah. So I didn't fucking ruin it. And I said. Just like I said I wouldn't.

And I said in the time, I was like, I will call you tonight. We will go scene by scene, play by play. Yeah. But I'm actually going to have to ask you to shut the fuck up right now., I will call you tonight. We will go scene by scene, play by play. Yeah. But I'm actually going to have to ask you to shut the fuck up right now. But I wasn't going to ruin it. You already kind of did. You literally just said that I hadn't and you were still surprised. Because I had to tell you to shut the fuck up.

If I didn't say that multiple times, you would have spoiled it. No. How could you even know that? And because I wasn't. Nah. Because... You literally just said that I wasn't. Nah. Because... You literally just said that I didn't spoil it. You were still surprised.

Because I stopped you. No. No, that... Do you know how life works? It's like... I didn't... You wouldn't get done for murder, you'd get done for attempted murder.

You were under arrest for attempted spoiling. But I didn't spoil it. That's why it's not you were under arrest for attempted spoiling. But I didn't spoil it. That's why it's not spoiling. It's attempted spoiling. No, but I didn't spoil the show. Because it was attempted. But you were still surprised. You still didn't know it was going to happen.

No, I kind of guessed. No, you didn't. Attempted spoiling. Guilty. No, I actually will approach the bench because I don't think that that is a fair thing for you to say. I didn't spoil it. The bench will accept your appeal

and they'll hear your reasoning in two weeks. Do you remember who our show lawyer is? We've got a show lawyer. I think we might have about eight. Do I remember who our show lawyer is? I don't. Oh, McClintock. Nah. Oh. Fuck, McClintock. Nah.

Oh. Fuck, what's that guy's name? What's that guy's name? He was the first show lawyer. Yeah, he was. Something legal. What's that guy's name? In West Melbourne.

Yeah. He was on the first Patreon. He's going to be listening. He just messaged me the other day. Glass illegal. Hayden Gleister. Glass illegal. Thank you. One me the other day. Glass illegal. Hayden Gleister. Glass illegal. Thank you.

One of the first seven patrons. Hayden, if you could approach the bench and appeal our appeal, that would be great. Anyway, you'll love to see all of that. Although. You'll love to see me not doing that because it didn't happen. How can I say this without spoiling myself? Oh, that's not fair!

The person from the start who I was rooting for, who I haven't said out loud. Mm-hmm. But, like, I guess... I think you did, actually, when we talked about it. Oh, maybe I... Me! Attempted spoiling!

Approach the bench! The winner wasn't my most favourite, but I think we hear some stories in the last episode that made me think, no, I'm happy that you won. The thing is, is that you have just spoiled it way more than I spoiled it for you. Spoiled it for you. Correct. Yeah. Although, to be fair, in the last...

Can I counter Sue? In the... Yes. In the last episode, we find out the final... Stop talking. No, in the final... This is so much more than what... Can you please say, Producer Cam, I said nothing like this.

You just went, oh, and Ryan goes, ah, bitch, too much. And hit me in the face. No, take that back. That's defamation. Call Hayden Gleisner. That's defamation. Gleisner leaked it. Zoe, you are defaming my good character because I didn't attempt to spoil nor spoil the final

events of the show and you were still very surprised. You've just fucked it right up. You said the person's name. No, I didn't. Hayden Gleisner did not win Squid Game. What I will say is that we learn about the final three a bit more because they sort of tell their backstory and stuff, and they all, you kind of, all three of them, you go.

Stop talking. Listen. Stop talking. Do you agree that when you get to learn a little bit more. I would never talk about the final episode of Squid Game lest me spoil anything else. Do you agree Tony, Felicia, Lodge

in this court of law that when you learn more about the final three you kind of like all three of them a bit more. Totally. You kind of go oh they're all. Yeah. I did not like any of the final three anyway. That's what I mean. Like, I already didn't really not like any of them. Do you know what I'm getting at, though?

When I go, I liked them a bit more because you kind of go, oh, fuck, good for you and like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Okay. You've spoiled it so much more than I did. No, I haven't. Yes, you did. No, I haven't.

You have. And I know that you're freaking out. I'm freaking. I'm panicking. I'm panicking. Anyway, we've got to go. I'm just doing it. See how bad it is?

Now you know what it feels like. I didn't do that. That's worse than me taking a book to my neighbour for sure. Let's not get real silly here. Well, that's what I think is true. And three two, four three two is a cockhead. Three, four three two. Four three two.

Oh. Yep. You know the guy. Yeah, I do, but like... Cockhead. I mean, the final came out like two weeks ago, so no one's talking about it anymore anyway. Cockhead.

You're right. Jeez, that comes on fast, doesn't it? It does, yeah, and it's gone straight away. And no one ever watches it again. Well, they don't need to because you just spoiled the end. Coming up on Monday, a scandal has taken place at my family Christmas. A Secret Santa scandal.

And as we come into our last week with our own Secret Santa, I think there's something that needs to be addressed. And this is for all families. All Secret Santa. You can rock up to your workplace or your family Secret Santa and go, excuse me, before we start, I just need to make something clear. Yeah. And I think you'll hate it.

Cam said it's fucked. There's another thing that I think that needs to be made clear before the fact. Okay. As well. Okay. Because people are playing fast and loose with Secret Santa. Yep. And there needs to be some boundaries set.

Yep. Yep. Let's deep dive on Monday. All right. Love you, bye. Enjoy your weekend. Watch quiz games. Oh, can you believe?

Love you.