Toni and Ryan - Toni Tries LinkedIn Comedy (And Gets Banned)

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

On a monday?! - Waterslides and rollercoasters - Monday mailbag - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Breaking news. Tony's been banned from LinkedIn. I can't comment on anything for like 30 days or something. Oh, no. Oh no. When I reopened LinkedIn in a year, hopefully it works. Hey, I'm Melbourne from Orange County, Southern California. Hi, this is Shander from Royal Utah in the United States.

Hi, I'm Ali from Bunyip and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. This is Dr. Author, bestselling Dr. Author. because she accidentally ticked the doctor button on a my one store card. This is Dr. Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan John Dunn. Thank you so much for joining us. But as pumped as we are, have we got the Monday tides?

Monday tired. Like we've limped in from the weekend. No, I don't think I feel, I don't think I feel tired, but I have had like the Mondays' Monday. Right. Yeah. But like, because I reckon everybody that's listening to this now is like getting ready for work or on their way to work or like getting ready to lock in

for a week of fucking stay at home parents while your partner's at work or you know like whatever it is you're locking in for I feel like a Monday is that reset where you go another full one you know off we go I reckon that there are like a number of things

that in life at any time are like pretty annoying or like getting your way but there is nothing that could turn something that's annoying into a motherfucker like a Monday morning. For example, I've got an example.

So say you get your belt caught on a door handle. Always annoying. Worse on a Monday. On a fucking Monday. Like, and now this, do you know what I mean? And now this on a motherfucking Monday?

Yeah. So like, realizing you don't have any milk. Annoying all the time. Way worse on a Monday. getting in your car and driving to work and realizing you didn't leave yourself with much petroleum on a fucking Monday annoying all the time but worse on a Monday so um you know how we like just got to work and we drove into the car park at the same time yeah that's important I just need you to remember that was I your Monday thing no no no no oh my God you could never be my Monday thing no I don't want to

be a Monday thing I want you to I want to be good you're my Friday thing yeah sister Oh, that's my Monday. So I wake up on a month. On a Monday. I get up. Oh, not dead yet. And I woke up fucking hell. We're going again.

We're going on again. Another spin. So I get up and I organise Pippa's breakfast and then I go to make myself a coffee. I like pour all the beans out. I pop the thing into the coffee machine. I turn it on and it goes unskippable cleaning cycle. on a Monday. Danielle is giving me a sad face.

It's like, so our coffee machine. I'll actually tell you when you're unskippable. When I say, crack the motherfucking beans, what do you reckon I want? Yeah. Oh,

that was just a suggestion. If you don't want it all good, I'll just go fuck myself. Yeah. Bambo, Breville fucking Uno Duo, whatever fuck it's called. Yeah.

Oh, let me call my, hey, Breville, let me call my friend DeLongy and see if they're going to be this fucking judgey on a Monday. Yeah, Because they never take this DeLongy to fucking.

Okay? Take it to long walk of a short pier, you shit, you fucking Breville. Should have got a warranty. Anyway, so, and this happens regularly, like every, I think it's like every 50 shots or something, you've got to like run it through a little thing. So you're doing that every second day?

50 shots of 50, you or whatever. Yeah, Charles will do two in a night. But those ones you can skip. So it's like, I hear your recommendation. I hear what you're saying. I might do that later. Yeah. Just give me the beans and fuck off.

Yeah. Give me the bean juice. Yeah. But then sometimes every however often, it says fuck you. It's a descaling one and you can't skip it. Like the thing won't allow it. You can't get past it on the butt because it's only three, it's not very fair, but it's three buttons. On a fucking Monday.

And you can't like get it out of that cycle anyway. So I'm like. Oh, you little fucking ****. Okay. So I go, well, I'll just clean it. I'll just clean the fucking common machine. Because you just like press the buttons, you fill it up with the shit. I was like, all right, I've got enough time.

Anyway, so while that's happening, I go have a shower. I'll just switch around my order. And then I figure it out. I get dressed and I go to work. And I get all the way to the office. And yes? No, no. I get all the way to the office.

I go to get out of the car. And my pants completely split from waistband to breakfast. And my whole cungina is completely out. On a Monday morning. So when I got to work, when you got to work, that was actually today, my son. second time. You went back again.

I went all the way home. I thought, because I was cutting it fine, I was surprised that you weren't already here. I actually mentally went, that is strange. Did you guys all hear me pull in and I got out of the car and then I drove back out? Did you hear that?

No, I'm paying attention. My chair's next to the window. So when people get here, I come, I'm not noticed. You're on top of things. You are the watchdog. Now, when you weren't here, I was like, fuck, that's very unlike Tony. So.

So I got all the way here. I got out of the car and like, pants, like, asshole out. Like just fully. Should have rocked it. We're all friends here. We're trying to get views, bro. Skin for the win, I believe is what they say.

Sex sales. Yeah, it really does. I read that on LinkedIn. That I would be lying to if I didn't say there was a split second where I went, Fuck, can I get away with that? I'm like, what have I got on today? Like, and one of the things that I had on was that I had to go and record another podcast someone else.

And then I was like, oh, that might be fucking. Who else are you recording with me? You got something better than you go out? What are you going with this afternoon? No, no, you're right. Who got after us? No, you're all right. I better.

I better on later. Yeah, I got something better on later. Who got on? Zach and Mish. Yeah. Auntie Donner. Yeah. Uh.

They're a career highlight for me doing that. I will be very honest. But anyway, so. Ryan's stepping stone John over here. On a fucking Monday. And so literally I'm doing the math so quickly. I'm like, can I stay in split pants today?

Can I tie a jumper around my waist? Like what are my options? That's a classic move. And I go, fuck, you know what? And I started piecing myself up. And I was like, I've got to go home. Like I actually just have to go home. Go home.

Have another coffee while you're there. It's finally finished cleaning by the time I got back. So I drove, but in fucking peak hour, like. Yeah, morning traffic on a Monday. I drive back from the office. I've been home again. And the pants, are they sewable? They're right off straight in the bin.

They're fucked. Like they, and I think it's actually. Where do they get caught on again or just split? No, it was just, so I actually think it's like a fault because they've, it's torn away from the seams of the pants. Oh, so it didn't get caught on the door or the fucking stuff. And they're not like too, because if they're a bit too tired, I'd go, fuck, I was asking for that. Yeah. But they will, like, loose.

We don't use that language here. But you know what I mean? Like, fuck, oh yeah, well, probably should have seen that coming. Yeah. But they've torn, I'm not, like, from where the tag is all the way through to like the pussy gusset. Like, just. Can I say something? All the way around.

Please, I would love it. I don't really know what the word gusset means. Oh my God. I'd love to tell you. But it just doesn't sound like a good. word. No. It's got, it's just got that energy.

It does. Like, it kind of gusses it. Like, the shape of the word doesn't feel right. Mm. And when you say that after the word, like, pussy gusset is just like. Pussy gusset sounds like a venereal disease. Yeah. What's wrong with her?

Oh, she's got the pussy gusset. Oh, got her rotten pussy gusset. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, how'd she die? I saw her on Friday night and she gave me the old pussy gusset. How'd she die? She got a gusset to the pussy gusset to the pussy. Oh, on a Monday.

Not on a Monday. See, if you had to have said all the way around to the pussy, I would have, like, I would have understood. Yeah, but I've thrown you with gusset. You've thrown an extra word in there, and I've just gone, that's really upsetting. Because, like, even the fact I was wearing underwear didn't protect the fact that my whole rear bum was out.

What kind of underwear are we wearing? I'm just wearing normal, like, this sounds really, but it's just like the underwear I always wear. Like, like. Just my regulars, as you know. But like, I mean, you've seen your underwear before. Like, it's fine. But, like, just the normal, like, bikini bottom ones.

Like, they're not, like, I wasn't wearing, like, a red lacy G or something. So I was like, well, I can't walk around with, like, well, my God. Charles is that. Maybe, yeah. Yeah, you want to? So what does the word gusset mean? Um, oh. Um, so.

I already regret asking. Yeah. I, you know, if a tote bag. Now, this comes back around. If a tote bag just has two sides, that's, but then you know when sometimes a tote bag has two sides and then the bottom part? Yeah. That's the, that's a gusset. Oh, the bottom part. Yeah, so it's like it.

So it came right around to your pussy bottom part. Yes. But like a women's underwear has a gusset in it for your juices. Sorry, it's not getting any better. On a Monday. On a Monday, I had some... So I had some... The automatic fucking cleaning cycle

and I had to drive all the way back home again this morning. So... I have two upsetting... I can't believe this happened on a Monday stories. But I feel like considering what you've just told us, it just... It just is so not that bad. It was just comical.

Like, and I honestly, I just started laughing. Like, I think... Did you, when you were driving home knowing that you've been ripped from the ass up? Yeah. Were you like, don't crash. Don't get... pulled over. Like were you doing...

I didn't even think about that. Good. Good anti-anxious Tony. Do you know what? I honestly laughed the whole way. I think that I, something's happened. I've been abducted by fucking aliens

because normally I would be really angry and I would have driven like an asshole and I would have just been mad and flustered. But I just laughed the whole way. I just thought it was so funny. I'm proud of you. I just thought it was so funny. Well, let me tell you these two things on a Monday and see if it upsets you.

Amazing. Was it today? Yeah. It actually just happened in the office. You were here for it. What was it? What song did we all love to hear this morning? Once I was seven years old.

Yeah. Once a... Yeah. So that's the song by Lucas Graham. Sure. And like a great song. It's like I feel like you can go away, come back five years later and you go, oh, just one of those great written songs that just really has a beautiful story to it.

Sure. I actually love that song. Lucas Graham isn't the guy. He's, that's just the name of the band. What? It's just a band and they're like, what should we call the band? And someone went, Lucas Graham. It's not a person.

No. Oh, I don't like that. On a fucking Monday. Yeah. On a fucking Monday. Could on a fucking Monday become like a recurring thing? Maybe. People let us know the crazy things that have happened to them on a Monday.

I don't know if I told you this before, but I'm going to tell you on a Monday and I want you to, I find this hell upsetting. Some people find it impartial. Yep. Were you here when we were looking at like the YouTube data the other day, looking at the back end? I don't think so because I was dealing with my back end downstairs. I had to go home, yeah. YouTube.

Love them. YouTube. Did you know that YouTube? Google, same house. I did. No. Sisters. Parent.

YouTube owns. No. Other way. About 3% of Charles already hates this. It's so fucked up. People who watch our YouTube shorts, the short verticals. What'd you call me? Three percent of those views are consumed on a television.

Nah, eat my pussy. Nah, nah. Isn't that really fucking upsetting? On a fucking Monday. Yeah, sorry to tell you that on a Monday. Put this on YouTube shorts. If you're watching this on a TV, what the fuck is happening in your life to lead you to the point where you're watching shorts on a television screen? What's gone wrong there?

We... What's happened in your life to this moment that got you to this place? It's awful. You know, the other day, Charles is over. 7% is on a T on a computer. Charles was over right the other night and we were watching this YouTube video about this camera that I want to buy. And there was the... Seven new positions to try with your side piece.

we your boyfriend won't be able to tell and we watched we were watching all of these fucking random reviews and then I clicked on one and Charles goes no! And I was like

oh my God why did you like not like this creator and goes it's a short and he made me turn it off we're on a TV screen do I have to turn my TV

like on the side and it just goes and when I saw that I just like leant back from the data set and went very upsetting I don't know about that

I'd rather split my pants on the London. Hi, I'm Ali from Bunyan. This is Shanda from Royal Utah in the United States. Hey, I'm welcome from Orange County, Southern California. And you're listening to Tony Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpas over at our Patreon. Fucking love you.

Thank you very much for being part of it. We can't do it without you. A massive shout out to Mallory, who's a champion Tapa. Mallory! Nice! Natalie Sawyer. I saw you. I saw you.

I saw you coming. Blotty. Gassett. Jamie Harper, hardly Noah. Noah Magnuson. Good on you, Noah.

Hardly Noah. Ashley Laird, good on your ass. Hillary. I like the name Hillary. Hillary. You're on a fucking wrong. I know someone who lives in Hillary.

Call you. Hillary's boat harbor. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's the suburb across from the harbor. It's an underrated little harbor fun though. It's now.

Like a dome and there's some food places and... I'm in the dome, obviously, elite. Yeah. And you know how they had like Hillary's Boat Harbor, but it was like the great escape at Hillary's Boat Harbor was like the little like theme park that was there? No, I didn't know that. And they used to always have at anybody from Perth that grew up around the same time as me, you would know these.

Like they had these ads every day. Like they would be on all the time. And it looked, they had like a huge trampoline park and like a big water slide and stuff. And I wanted to go there my whole and I never got to go. Is it still there? I don't know. Oh my God, Charles. This is so stressful.

Oh, Charles is showing me the Hillary's Boat Harbor, Great Escape at Hillary's Boat Harbor. Rapid Rarf ride. Oh. That was at the... That's at Hillary's Boat Harbor. Surely Adventure World has taken them out of business, even though that's Southside. Yeah, they're quite different. Charles is it still there?

Great Escape of Hillary's Boat Harbor? I just always wanted to go. And we, like, I never got to go. It closed in 2016 and was demolished in late 2017. Ten years ago. Demolished. Oh, sweet. On a Monday.

On a month. To find that out on a Monday. Oh, my God. Oh, that's upset me. There's now a new youth plaza in the spot. Oh. Don't youths just. Because the youths need more places to go.

It wasn't a youth place to begin with? It's like a family. place. Like a youth plaza sounds like what do they do? Skateboarders and links deodorant. Yeah and like a Jets gym. No. Tony's been on a rampage about 24-7 gyms this morning.

No, not a rampage, just that the Jets was the one where like everyone, like school kids would go like that was like because it's a cheap one. My definition of rampage is something mentioned three times in one day that I haven't thought of in 10 years. Yeah, and that's actually not a rampage. That's just interesting. That's just data. Alex Arnold, go on your Alex. Tegan Armstrong, I know legs as well. And Cassie Martin, love to see it. Thank you very much.

Thanks, Cass. Yes, Charles. It's a skate park, a skate park and a climbing wall is there now. Oh, that's quite cool. I was kind of right then. I said skateboards and links deodorant. It used to have, though, little tubes and trampolines and a little pup-put-pup mini golf, etc. I want to go back to wet mild, I'd so much fun. On the Gold Coast. On the water slides. I didn't go to where. We went on that big scary roll. Oh my God. So you know how Charles is. I went on that big scary roller coaster and if you go to seneghost.com, you can see Charles on the roller coaster. It's very, very funny. Is Sen.gost.com still up? Yep. There it is.

Certainly is. So we went on the DC rivals. Fuck, you're not much better though. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not at all. We went on the DC rivals hypercoaster, T.M. And I saw on the news the other day that that road ride broke down like mid-recoaster, like mid-relixtor. ride and people were stuck like vertical for three out two and a half hours or something oh no they just was sat there and because all of facing up or down well all of the seats are forward except the ones at the back so they were like tipped forward all that time look at that oh my fucking god ryan charles is just shot so there's ones at the back were like that oh so thank god they've got

umbrellas well so because there's stairs to get up there but they couldn't get them out so someone walked up and gave them some fucking sun protection but they were stuck in those they couldn't unlatch the safety stuff for like yeah two hours or something and they were fucking stuck there that could have been you and then the next morning right because i saw it on sunrise obviously and they go oh yeah and it's back up and running today um they're doing some tests to figure out what happened hey uh just a quick fucking idea quick note for you guys how about you figure out what went wrong before you reopen it, you fucking clowns. How about we do those tests, find the results of those tests, then decide if we are going

to open again. And then maybe I'll go on that horrific roller coaster because we went on it while it was fully functional and I still felt like it's going to die. So I don't know, like, were they offer on a discount when you went on and you weren't really sure? Oh, a bit of 50, 50. So it's just half price today. Like, are you fucked, cunt?

That's the definition of 50-50. 50% chance of life, only 50% the cost. Yeah. And if you die, we will refund you. I just couldn't, just the sentence. They're still doing tests, but we'll let you know, like crazy. We could have had GoPro footage of it if it was us. Oh, well, we would never report it on there.

You wouldn't film on there. I've got. And you wouldn't get messages on Instagram from the park afterwards saying, if you come again, please don't do that. You wouldn't get those. You wouldn't. No. They aren't in my Instagram DMs right now.

Unrated. cite a theory. A lot of people love roller coasters because they love adrenaline. They love to be scared. Yes. Is knowing you're only a 50% chance of survival the ultimate adrenaline rush? Does that add to the fear? I think that that's...

Because if you know you can't get injured, then who fucking cares? I think that that's a different type of adrenaline, though, because for me, because I like a roller coaster. What do you like about it? well if you shut out I'll tell you because I do like being scared and I like the adrenaline but also it is

fairly risk free because of the amount of things you know like you'd have to be very very out let they go through lots of testing sometimes after they open it but you know what I mean like it's kind of without real risk

there is an amount of risk in everything that we do but there's like it gets tested you know that you're in there safely. Chances are it's like pretty good. Whereas people that do like, you know, fucking,

you know those BMXs on a fucking path that's this white? And you could just topple off and die. Not for me. Fall off the side of a cliff. Like that shit where there's like very real risk. Yeah. And your life actually is in your own hands. Like that's not for me.

Okay. But I think a roller coaster is like a very safe way to get the adrenaline. Well. Wow. Nine times one to turn. Yeah. But do you know what I mean? I think that there's an amount.

of like... I want to know if someone else has the same algorithm as me at the moment. It's like, it's clearly AI and fake, but you don't know that at the start because it looks real. And it's sort of like someone's got a GoPro on their head or their chest going on a water slide. Yeah. Oh, that sounds fine.

Oh. What is it? Because it's like, have you seen him? It's like the world's highest water slide. And they just like, say if it goes like this, the person kind of keeps going straight. Like they fall off it. you're watching them like fall and then they kind of hit the bottom of the slide and bounce up and then but you don't know it's fake right away because you kind of go oh what a slide oh no that would

give me I don't like that and then I'm that's made me feel like sick I'm scrolling late at night and I'm like seeing that and you feel like you're suspended in there and but then you go to bed and then like what are you going to dream about probably the last thing you're thinking about right probably coming off a water slide well I wouldn't do that on the water slide but coming on a water slide but you like can you can you bring one of those up charles just so tone knows exactly what's it so POV water slide or something

yeah but just like they're fine they're really high because some of them they're like loop up and you almost have to like land on the next bit but you miss it no I don't I don't think I want to say it it's making me feel a bit seasick

I haven't even watched it they would never have that at the Great Escape of Hillary's Bow Harbor it's very safe fun there apparently I never went wasn't safe 10 years ago when they blew it up with dynamite. I assume that's how they...

TNT, like a video game. TNT. It's Hillary's. Oh, here we go, yep. Oh, he's landed it. Oh. So here he goes. You kind of go, oh, he's got a bit of air there.

Shit, hang on. He's landed. Oh, there he goes. Very upsetting. I think that's why they had to close down Hillary's. Who's Hillary? That is insane. Oh. And you know what? To do everybody a favour? We won't post a link to that video. We're so nuts.

We are actually, if you just watch that on YouTube with us, I'm sorry. But if you didn't, you don't need to say it. We don't want to exclude anyone. Oh, I don't want them to see it. I'm protecting them. Don't watch it, but know that you have the option to. That's fair. Yep. Have you got your Monday ball bag? It's time for the Monday mailbag. A lot of chat in the Monday mailbag that last Monday's episode. Monday mailbag. Sorry, it's just such a terrible. terrible name, isn't it?

I do, like, Jane makes me do we've received mail and we read it on a Monday. Just a scrotum is a lot. Like a male's bag. Yeah. Uh, the Monday mail purse.

Lots of chat about last Monday's episode being the horniest episode ever on the Tony and Ryan podcast. Yes. We've done what? One thousand one hundred episodes, something like that. And of all the shit we've talked about. Yeah.

Of all the. We've rubbed and stroked and twisted. And same. That was the horniest episode ever. Miram says, who needs corn hub when you've got Tony and Ryan on YouTube? Oh. She goes, and she wrote, and I did. Oh my God.

Now, for those that didn't see, Tony taught me, well, as well as discussing adult videos, Tony actually taught me how to be a pro at receiving doggy. Expert. How to be an expert at receiving doggy. A bit of commentary, a bit of feedback. Did people not like? A. West.

How the fuck is Tony not a dominatrix? Little miss. Tony had too much fun telling Ryan what to do. Kara. Tony really tapping into her Dom energy with Ryan. Marcy. Tony telling Ryan what to do she had the power and she felt it

I didn't feel like I had power in the moment there was an energy was there what did you think now do this now do that you little bitch yeah it sounded like you'd said all this before well I haven't but I think it's like you liked

looking down and telling well yeah and to describe To quote the great philosopher Pitbull. Yeah. Mr. Worldwide. Face down.

Ass up. That's the way we like to fuck. I am so not powerful in a sex way. I get really nervous. Like I'm not really, like I'm, like I'm real, that's really. So I think that maybe it was just a,

I was doing a character. Because that's not what I'm like. But I think when you go to like a special venue on a Saturday night, you encourage that. character. Yeah, which I haven't done, but like, slay for people that have. I've read a book recently with that was a thing. And I was like, oh, people picked up on that. She liked that. Oh, my God. And all that just because I was wearing that tiny skirt. Maybe I'll wear it again. I hope you do. The person that has to censor the footage doesn't. Because I'll have some extra

work to do. Yeah, like jerk off. Sorry, Dom. What a fun name for this. For that situation. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sorry for the horniness. Should we apologize? No. Say, you're welcome. You're welcome.

Sorry, my daughter's singing that at the moment. We've just discovered Moana. Yep. Moana. What did I say? Moana. It's Moana. Bit of feedback for Ryan.

Robe. If there's any doubt whether Ryan has ever bottomed, it's now been resolved. He definitely has not. Yeah, that is fair. Wizard Gaming, Ryan needs to arch his back a bit more than you'd be in executive class. Nigel, add some arts, Ryan. P.T. Prince, got to work on that arching. Keep practicing Ryan. Anna, don't forget to arch that back rhyme. I don't really know how to do it. That was you. I'm not really, not really sure. You knew

what you were doing. This week, I will practice my arch. Well, Danny asked us before if we wanted to go to archery. That sounds like it will help. You know what? That was extremely funny. Thank you. And also that makes more sense than the fact that Danny did genuinely ask us if we wanted to go and do archery. Both things are hilarious.

But we were like, but that is more like realistic than us actually doing archery. Yeah. She's doing a sad face right now, but it's okay. No bad ideas, except that one. Except confidently asking the room, that we'd been to the art jury place around the corner. Breaking news. Yes.

Tony's been banned from LinkedIn. I have. Some feedback from, not like we've told her not to use it. LinkedIn has blocked her. I got a like actual email saying like no slut from LinkedIn. No. With red text on it and stuff.

Now I posted on LinkedIn that I got a 10 out of nine for my Boston Bauer preparation score. Thank you. Thank you. A lot of good feedback. Tony writes. What an amazing asshole. I said award-winning asshole. And I'm assuming their bots just saw the word asshole and said,

we don't talk like that. We don't do that here. And the thing, that's the thing of the fun platform. That's the thing about AI. They don't understand nuance. You were genuinely complimenting my asshole. Your award-winning asshole. Thank you.

And it just sees the word asshole and goes, oh, well, obviously we need to kick this slut off the platform. Not just remove the comment. No, I got banned and I can't comment on anything for like 30 days or something. It said... Oh no. Oh no. When I reopen LinkedIn in a year, hopefully.

When I do my annual LinkedIn checkup. It said the email that I got says like community standards or whatever. It says bullying and language. So like they think that I was calling you and I like that you know They thought you were bullying me Yeah And that I'd used untoward language on the platform On this professional platform

I've said fuck on LinkedIn before And that was but I think I might have been the first one Yeah the bot was like I don't know what to do here Yeah I don't know what to do And a shout out to Matt Maclin Who works at Swinburne who's a tarpa Oh Slake He said

I'm not surprised you got a high score on your bow preparation score, you do have an MBA, which I believe stands for Master of BOW administration. Amazing. Now, that's LinkedIn gold, if I've ever heard it. Yeah, you're not getting banned for that. They're probably plus one, you think. Yeah, he's still on there. Yeah, they gave him a free premium subscription.

I get offered a free premium subscription to LinkedIn every time I go on. That's crazy because you don't need it because you already pay. What do you mean? You already pay for premium. Like you pay for a premium. Oh, like me personally. Yeah. No.

No, I did once. And then I was like, there is no benefit. Oh, I thought you still paid. And then I, and then it's like, you go on and I'm like, well, where's the cool stuff? And they go, no, it's just the stuff you had before. Isn't it that you can, like, look at who's looked at your thing? Yeah. Can you like see who's, like, the actual people's names of who's looked at your profile?

Does that many people with premium who I've stalked, know that I've stalked them? Yeah. I don't like that. You can't fuck around on LinkedIn. It's too easy for people to know that you've had a fucking peak. I tell you another great scam of LinkedIn. How long do you have? So, because I don't have premium, I can't see who's looked.

I thought you actually did. It'll say, like, someone from Channel 7 has looked at your profile. Yeah. And you go, okay, well, there's 30,000 people that work there. Yeah. But then when I look at someone's, it goes, someone from Tony and Ryan has looked at your profile and Tony isn't on it. Yeah.

And it's like, oh. Oh, well, if it wasn't Tony, it was Ryan. Must have been the other guy. Yeah. Which is the one with the beard? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So.

Yeah. Nah, they see you coming. Like it's. Someone who works for Ryan John Creative has looked at your profile. The director of Ryan John Creative. Of Ryan Freelance. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But to conclude, I will work on my arch. Tony in 30 days will be back. on LinkedIn and Tony does love to dominate when she's in character. I do. I absolutely do. And actually to follow on from the Monday scrotum,

I do have you love to see it that is related to the porn chat. Okay. Of last week because we have always, I'm not going to tell you anything that you don't know. Is that the tarppers are fucking awesome. Oh, I know that. And they are so beautiful and we're all there for each other. But they have truly come through here.

Because aside from all the dominatrix chat, the amount of people who sent through offers and options about our porn hub problem have quite literally blown me like I could blow me away sorry I have to finish that sentence all these people have blown me

they're wonderful aren't they I've been blown by that many times this way I can't get off because there's no form we'll sit down in that seat sweetheart and chuck a leg up I'll take care of pop them in the stirrups and let's fucking banter into town okay so sorry I was with you until the word

stirrips because whilst I get the practicality, there's nothing, I assume, less sexy than like the clinicalness of like, I'm here to get you off today, so I'll just get your leg up in the stirrup. I'll just pop you up in the stirrups. Yeah. Oh, well, the book I'm reading at the moment is like two doctors that are fucking. And they're in love and, but like, I do think, like, if you were fucking a doctor, like, they know stuff.

Like, don't you reckon that that would be like a fun thing to experiment? Like. do you remember the no the doctor from Harvard they hate it when you whisper speak up that's because I don't want anyone else to hear me you fucked a doctor after that costume party yeah and you yes and you go wouldn't that be fun no yeah

not that one maybe still got scratches and bite marks and fucking mental scarring yeah physical scarring but just imagine them being like oh are you covered for invasive procedures you know like I'll give you an internal kind of vibe like I think that would be kind of hot. I jumped out of a window, Tony. Yeah. I was in the car downstairs. I grabbed you. So this is just particularly, we received honestly. Yeah, amazing. We received so many messages of people being like, try this website instead. Here's my login. Yeah, like so many people. But this

one really stood out to me. I'm going to leave her name out of it. Please. But we've got this on Patreon. I just checked for science and you can still create a Pornhub account in. Ireland so you can make one while you're here and if that's not sweet enough we're gonna read on also though if you can't wait which is totally understandable and you'd send me your email I can sign up for you that's amazing isn't that the sweetest thing I've ever heard just tell me your email and I'll sign up for you and then I'll give you the password I'll hand the account over to that is so nice isn't that the most beautiful thing you've genuinely ever heard

That's the fucking sisterhood right there. That is the sisterhood. Clitterati. We are doing... Getting on your clitterati. Is that what you were saying? I said clitterati. Oh, I thought you said twitterarty.

No, I said clitterati. Great. Clit sisters. Like me and Danny. Ha, holler. We are doing... We don't... That's not a thing that we do.

I just let everybody know that we don't say that. I think that was worse than an archery suggestion. Yeah. We are doing a live show in Dublin. on 18th. It was it May 15th? It's sold out, by the way. Yeah.

So it doesn't matter when it is. No, well, it's Friday night. It's the same night as Rufus. It's the same night as Rufus. Friday night in Dublin. We arrive Monday afternoon. Yep. Guess what Tony's going to be doing between Monday night and Friday morning.

Now, I hate to, like, you know, showbiz, smoke and mirrors and all that. I'm not going to be watching porn. Torbs is going to be there. Can the two? things not coexist? No, they can, but like, I don't, you know, I'll be all good. So why are we going on Ireland? What's the point? Well, yeah, I mean, I'll definitely be signing up for a lot of stuff. How cold is the water going to be? Because I want to go swimming on the coast. No, we're going to go to 30 foot. Oh, 40 foot. 20 foot. Yeah, one of those.

But how cold is the water? Cold. Like proper cold. Yeah, I think I'm going to bring a wet suit. Oh. Are you get... I have a wetsuit. Sorry, just the thought of the amount of space a wetsuit's going to take in the suitcase. Oh, that's so true. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I might just go in.

Yeah. I think you just jump in, feel the fucking motion of the ocean. Yeah. Get a hot coffee. What's it called? Is it 40 foot? 40. I've seen an amazing hack that's got our names written all over it.

Should we go to 40 foot every day? Yes. In the morning we get up, we go to 40 foot. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to tell you, we got our own fan. our what? Our own van. I thought you said fan.

I was like, we just took alcohol. It's going to be. Yeah. I better think. Yeah. Where's my dark? So we can get in our,

because instead of like getting cabs and Uber's, we're like, let's just get a van because then we can fucking go to the coast. We can do stuff. Yeah, that's so fun. Yeah. So let's go every day. Let's fucking do it.

Fuck yeah. The average water temp, they'll see water temp at 40 foot in May is 10 degrees. Nice. That's fine. Max, the max. The max it could get up to 13.5. Oh, well, that's too hot.

Bring a fucking potterville gray. Because the water's so hot, make some tea. Oh my God. I see what he's hanging. I was like, why would you want a hot drink after being in hot water? I was like, no, I need a dark, crusty cold, dark. Krusty cold? Artsy cold?

Frosty? It's on a fucking Monday. Do you know what I'm saying? I got to love to see it. I think we need to wrap this up and go cool ourselves down. My fucking brains turned off. I think I might need to do some ice baths though to like, get ready, like to build up to that.

My brain's shut down, just like Hillary's boat harbor. Just like the greatest game, Hillary's boat harbor. It was demolished in 2016. All right. Every time. Every time now something's like shut down. I'm like, oh God, it's just like the greatest game. That place was Hisson.

That's all I'll say. We're learning the local lingo. We are. It was Hisson. That jump is hissing. You put that in Sweden. Thank you. Monica Perlman has messaged. Gide big mono.

Actually, it's just Monica Pearl. Okay. Mono's still appropriate. Big mono? My husband and I just bought a house. Fuck yeah. With a pool. Shut up.

And we bought two Twix bars. It is 2020 Twix and we are wet for life. Don't you love to fucking see that says Monica Pearl. On a phone. Fucking Monday. That's amazing. Monica, you and your husband have a great fucking week. Oh, they're going to fuck in that pool.

If they haven't already, they're going to... Surprisingly harder to fucking a pool than you'd expect, eh? Holly would lead you to believe it's quite easy. Holly? Would. Oh. No, like, Holly would let you believe. Hollywood.

Let you believe. Holly would let you believe. Holy will let you believe. No, I'm saying. would let you believe. That's really tick with me in a strange way. What else would Holly? Holly would do that, wouldn't she?

That was like as fuck as Holly. Am I worried? Should I be worrying about this, Holly? Yes. Yeah. Holly Matheson, ready to go. So what was it? Hollywood.

Like, movies. Oh. Would imply that fucking in a pool is easy and fun. Holy would let you believe that that's the, yes. But it's actually quite difficult. Sure. Do you know what I think is crazy that people, Holly lets you believe, but it's fun and easy to like fucking a shower?

Disagree. Nah, a shower is not for me. I'm too clumsy on my feet. It's wet. You are clumsy on your feet. And you got to know your strengths and you got to know your weaknesses. And you got a lot of strengths. Thank you.

And a couple of weaknesses. And that's fine. I would shower over pool any day. Nah, pull over shower. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Charles and I are going to the pool.

Well, we're shutting this down like the Great Escape. If anyone sees Tony and Charles at the Northgate Aquatic Recreation Center. You know what we're doing there. And it's recreating. Recreating life. Would the baby be older than Charles? Would the baby come out with glasses? And the micro fringe?

I think so. Yeah, the baby would be older than Charles. And the child's like, the baby's like, da-da. Like, it's like a person already. And Charles was like, look at our baby. This has gotten too weird. See ya. Would Charles and the baby like have a bunk bed?

Charles and the baby share a room. And I'm in, like, I'm in the master's, like I'm in the master bedroom. I'm the mom. And they share a bunk bed. They're sharing a room. They're in the same grade at school. and people like, this is my dad. It's jump and it's job.

Bring your parents a work day. And they got he's here every day. Yeah. And it's like your dad comes in and says what he does for work and he goes, my job is coming to school. I can't wait for the daily HR violation comments about this. Oh, fucking hell. We're in a group text on the other day and they went, oh, hi job.

And I went, hey job. What did you say? I said, I'm being asked for ha, erdcock. Yeah, okay. Chat to you tomorrow. Oh, we've got a confession tomorrow.

Amazing. And one of them has, is like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I did this. And I read it and was like, I'm pretty sure Tony tried that. Yeah. Great.

And it's not Charles. All right, chat to you soon. Bye.